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(International Business Times)   Johnny Depp to marry his bisexual fiance on a beach named after his ex-girlfriend   (ibtimes.com) divider line 145
    More: Strange, Johnny Depp, Amber Heard, Bahamas, girlfriend, battles, Celebuzz, Vanessa Paradis, bisexuals  
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19148 clicks; posted to Main » on 04 Feb 2014 at 11:27 AM (25 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-02-04 02:04:06 PM

AngryJailhouseFistfark: ransack.: AngryJailhouseFistfark: Dirtybird971: he's 50, she's 27. and bi? this will be over faster than me sexing up a lady.

No it won't, and here's why:

Johnny Depp is about as open-minded and progressive a guy as you'll find in the Hollywood. He was pals with Hunter S. Thompson. He's tight with Keith Richards. He knows that the world is a strange and terrible place. He's aware of just how weird it can be, and he knows that people must be free to be who they are if they are to find any joy in life. As such, I predict that he will indulge her, plus, and has certainly has the means to do it. If she feels the urge for something, or someone, he will encourage and explore it with her. Because he knows that if he doesn't it will stifle her, foster resentment, and kill the relationship.

There.

You sound like you've spent a very large amount of time fantasizing about being Johnny Depp's girlfriend.

Or, you're Johnny Depp.

Maybe both.

Neither, just a deviant who's learned to stop fighting the urges and accept other deviants and their deviances. It makes life so much more fun. And easier.


Hear, hear!
 
2014-02-04 02:11:19 PM
The Run Diary was a mediocre movie but Heard was totally hot in it.
 
2014-02-04 02:13:35 PM

MeSoHomely: weemonkey: MeSoHomely: cwheelie: vudukungfu: Oh, what a lucky man he was.

wait, I thought the wedding was in the Bahamas, not on Greg Lake.

face palmer.

[img.fark.net image 276x183]
Robert Palmer

[31.media.tumblr.com image 500x374]
Leland Palmer.

[img.fark.net image 183x275]
Arnold Palmer?



miaulario.unavarra.es
Rosie Palmer?
 
2014-02-04 02:17:53 PM

AngryJailhouseFistfark: Dirtybird971: he's 50, she's 27. and bi? this will be over faster than me sexing up a lady.

No it won't, and here's why:

Johnny Depp is about as open-minded and progressive a guy as you'll find in the Hollywood. He was pals with Hunter S. Thompson. He's tight with Keith Richards. He knows that the world is a strange and terrible place. He's aware of just how weird it can be, and he knows that people must be free to be who they are if they are to find any joy in life. As such, I predict that he will indulge her, plus, and has certainly has the means to do it. If she feels the urge for something, or someone, he will encourage and explore it with her. Because he knows that if he doesn't it will stifle her, foster resentment, and kill the relationship.

There.


That is such a stinking pile of dog poo poo that I can smell it through my monitor.  What kind of knucklehead are you anyway?
 
2014-02-04 02:23:00 PM
104 posts and not a single shred of photographic evidence of this alleged bisexual beauty? Fark, I am dissapoint...
 
2014-02-04 02:27:55 PM

dogslobber buttlube: AngryJailhouseFistfark: Dirtybird971: he's 50, she's 27. and bi? this will be over faster than me sexing up a lady.

No it won't, and here's why:

Johnny Depp is about as open-minded and progressive a guy as you'll find in the Hollywood. He was pals with Hunter S. Thompson. He's tight with Keith Richards. He knows that the world is a strange and terrible place. He's aware of just how weird it can be, and he knows that people must be free to be who they are if they are to find any joy in life. As such, I predict that he will indulge her, plus, and has certainly has the means to do it. If she feels the urge for something, or someone, he will encourage and explore it with her. Because he knows that if he doesn't it will stifle her, foster resentment, and kill the relationship.

There.

That is such a stinking pile of dog poo poo that I can smell it through my monitor.  What kind of knucklehead are you anyway?


Oh sheeeeiiit, dogslobber buttlube just straight up dissed AngryJailhouseFistfark!

upload.wikimedia.org
it's on!

 
2014-02-04 02:28:01 PM
meh, a few years tops, and then Amber will likely leave him for another stepping stone in her career.

/it'll be a dude
//she ain't bi
///she was a lesbian until depp (because it gave her exposure)
 
2014-02-04 02:28:20 PM
Yawn... Always thought Johnny Depp was a big poseur. He tries too hard to "seem cool". (And, the older he gets the more desperate he appears.)
 
2014-02-04 02:29:36 PM
JH Fark, she is hot.
 
2014-02-04 02:31:43 PM

mauxxo: Yawn... Always thought Johnny Depp was a big poseur. He tries too hard to "seem cool". (And, the older he gets the more desperate he appears.)


Care to give us some examples of who, in your mind, actually is cool? I'm curious.
 
2014-02-04 02:34:23 PM
She's thinking...ok, I'm only 27, he's 50...his career won't last that long, so I can milk him for
his money, and when he's over the hill and not making money, I'll only be in my 40's, and can
marry some idiot kid that's making a ton of money.
 
2014-02-04 02:34:45 PM

Mikeyworld: kaseyfarksdaladies: d23: Whatthefark:

wut?

[www.scarlettjohansson.org image 500x500]


/Would still do her though.

The inverse is more the question...


Of course.

/My Mommy says I'm a catch.
 
2014-02-04 02:37:06 PM

socoloco: TheShavingofOccam123: I expect Johnny Depp to start working a lot more. To pay for the divorce.

Trying to save a woman from her lesbian tendencies is the job for more than just a penis.

Children and money seem to turn female bisexuals around don't they?


Bisexuality and monogamy are not exclusive concepts.
 
2014-02-04 02:49:13 PM

lemonysprite: isexuality and monogamy are not exclusive concepts.


monogamish
 
2014-02-04 02:50:32 PM

lemonysprite: socoloco: TheShavingofOccam123: I expect Johnny Depp to start working a lot more. To pay for the divorce.

Trying to save a woman from her lesbian tendencies is the job for more than just a penis.

Children and money seem to turn female bisexuals around don't they?

Bisexuality and monogamy are not exclusive concepts.


Eating ain't cheating.
 
2014-02-04 03:02:39 PM

AbiNormal: Eating ain't cheating


yes.  yes, it is.
 
2014-02-04 03:09:13 PM

frepnog: AbiNormal: Eating ain't cheating

yes.  yes, it is.


we smell like evergreens
1.bp.blogspot.com

1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-02-04 03:14:56 PM

ransack.: dogslobber buttlube: AngryJailhouseFistfark: Dirtybird971: he's 50, she's 27. and bi? this will be over faster than me sexing up a lady.

No it won't, and here's why:

Johnny Depp is about as open-minded and progressive a guy as you'll find in the Hollywood. He was pals with Hunter S. Thompson. He's tight with Keith Richards. He knows that the world is a strange and terrible place. He's aware of just how weird it can be, and he knows that people must be free to be who they are if they are to find any joy in life. As such, I predict that he will indulge her, plus, and has certainly has the means to do it. If she feels the urge for something, or someone, he will encourage and explore it with her. Because he knows that if he doesn't it will stifle her, foster resentment, and kill the relationship.

There.

That is such a stinking pile of dog poo poo that I can smell it through my monitor.  What kind of knucklehead are you anyway?

Oh sheeeeiiit, dogslobber buttlube just straight up dissed AngryJailhouseFistfark!

[upload.wikimedia.org image 300x447]
it's on!


So what happens, a West Story-style dance/fight!  Dammit,this is so exciting!
 
2014-02-04 03:19:46 PM

zimbomba63: ransack.: dogslobber buttlube: AngryJailhouseFistfark: Dirtybird971: he's 50, she's 27. and bi? this will be over faster than me sexing up a lady.

No it won't, and here's why:

Johnny Depp is about as open-minded and progressive a guy as you'll find in the Hollywood. He was pals with Hunter S. Thompson. He's tight with Keith Richards. He knows that the world is a strange and terrible place. He's aware of just how weird it can be, and he knows that people must be free to be who they are if they are to find any joy in life. As such, I predict that he will indulge her, plus, and has certainly has the means to do it. If she feels the urge for something, or someone, he will encourage and explore it with her. Because he knows that if he doesn't it will stifle her, foster resentment, and kill the relationship.

There.

That is such a stinking pile of dog poo poo that I can smell it through my monitor.  What kind of knucklehead are you anyway?

Oh sheeeeiiit, dogslobber buttlube just straight up dissed AngryJailhouseFistfark!

[upload.wikimedia.org image 300x447]
it's on!

So what happens, a West Story-style dance/fight!  Dammit,this is so exciting!


So excited. left out the Side in West Side Story.  Anyway, tell me when they start snapping their fingers.
 
2014-02-04 03:28:51 PM
I'm amazed how many people here think that someone who is bi-sexual, is somehow incapable of having a long term monogamous relationship.
 
2014-02-04 03:31:33 PM

Alfonse Gregory: 104 posts and not a single shred of photographic evidence of this alleged bisexual beauty? Fark, I am dissapoint...


static.screenweek.it

This was her girlfriend.
 
2014-02-04 03:33:37 PM

Abe Vigoda's Ghost: This was her girlfriend.


was that in the dictionary under "gay until graduation"?
 
2014-02-04 03:41:51 PM

ZeroCorpse: I'm with Winona Ryder on this subject: The guy traded the mother of his kids for a younger model, and he wasn't entirely diplomatic about it. While that may seem like "success" to some people, I think ditching the mother of your kids for a woman half your age shows a certain level of immaturity. In short, Depp's probably going through a mid-life crisis.

And while I'd admit it's nice to know that one of the more attractive and desired men in America is going through a midlife crisis just like anyone else his age might, it's unfortunate he did it in a situation where kids were involved.

On the other hand, if he and the child-bride are happy, then that's good. If his ex isn't entirely bitter, that's good, too. If his kids are OK with it, that's probably acceptable (though they probably shouldn't have to be put through it, anyway).

However, I hope Amber Heard realizes that she'll be 41 some day, too.


She'll be SHOCKED when he trades her in.
 
2014-02-04 03:44:46 PM

Abe Vigoda's Ghost: Alfonse Gregory: 104 posts and not a single shred of photographic evidence of this alleged bisexual beauty? Fark, I am dissapoint...

[static.screenweek.it image 640x360]

This was her girlfriend.


If I were Depp, I'd tell Amber to invite her over, you know, for old times sake.
 
2014-02-04 03:46:18 PM

Ker_Thwap: She'll be SHOCKED when he trades her in.


nah.  I give this shiat a couple years.

/could be wrong.
 
2014-02-04 04:14:20 PM
She definitely gets points for being one of the craziest drivers on top gear uk's "star in a reasonably priced car"...
 
2014-02-04 04:33:33 PM

ransack.: This is really awesome that the new mobile quoting system redisplays the image instead of just some url in brackets. Props to the fark mobile site dude who designed this, I am really enjoying the new mobile comment layout. Thumbs up to you from a superoldfark, you anonymous low-paid intern codemonkey.


Actually, I inserted the picture.  It was just the url.
 
2014-02-04 05:49:47 PM

mike_d85: You know, like how James Earl Jones carefully crafts each word because of his former speech impediment?  Like that, but with social interaction.  Therefore he 1 - follows the script, 2 - takes his cues on careful observation, 3 - doesn't inject himself into every role.  Like Dennis Leary.


Uh... are we talking about the same guy here?  The guy that basically just plays himself in every role he's given?

// Not that there's anything wrong with that, he seems to pick roles where it works so whatever.

lemonysprite: Bisexuality and monogamy are not exclusive concepts.


Technically not, but one would imagine that after being married you'd stop identifying as 'bisexual' for the same reasons a priest might stop identifying as 'agnostic' once he'd received an appointment even if it was technically possible.  You generally stop being anal about pointing out that you have a choice once that choice has been, y'know, made.
 
2014-02-04 06:41:52 PM

Jim_Callahan: mike_d85: You know, like how James Earl Jones carefully crafts each word because of his former speech impediment?  Like that, but with social interaction.  Therefore he 1 - follows the script, 2 - takes his cues on careful observation, 3 - doesn't inject himself into every role.  Like Dennis Leary.

Uh... are we talking about the same guy here?  The guy that basically just plays himself in every role he's given?

// Not that there's anything wrong with that, he seems to pick roles where it works so whatever.

lemonysprite: Bisexuality and monogamy are not exclusive concepts.

Technically not, but one would imagine that after being married you'd stop identifying as 'bisexual' for the same reasons a priest might stop identifying as 'agnostic' once he'd received an appointment even if it was technically possible.  You generally stop being anal about pointing out that you have a choice once that choice has been, y'know, made.


Yes you can imagine whatever stupid thing you want, congrats on understanding how imagination works. Lemme know when you understand how bisexuality works.
 
2014-02-04 06:51:25 PM
Ralph Waldo Emerson
on a Lake called Walden Pond
Helping Arnie Palmer fish out a golf ball.
 
2014-02-04 09:17:58 PM

Dirtybird971: he's 50, she's 27. and bi? this will be over faster than me sexing up a lady.


Not necessarily. Middle aged joint and back pain works better than thinking about baseball for holding off climax. He could probably keep going all night. Or until his celebrex wears off.
 
2014-02-04 10:14:01 PM

whosits_112: MeSoHomely: weemonkey: MeSoHomely: cwheelie: vudukungfu: Oh, what a lucky man he was.

wait, I thought the wedding was in the Bahamas, not on Greg Lake.

face palmer.

[img.fark.net image 276x183]
Robert Palmer

[31.media.tumblr.com image 500x374]
Leland Palmer.

[img.fark.net image 183x275]
Arnold Palmer?


[miaulario.unavarra.es image 298x354]
Rosie Palmer?


25.media.tumblr.com

Laura Palmer

Looks like someone forgot ...
 
2014-02-04 10:18:17 PM
From the pictures in the article it looks like he traded one woman for another that looks just like her maybe a few years younger?  You can definitely tell he goes for women with a certain look.
 
2014-02-04 10:43:08 PM

Mikey1969: trappedspirit: Mikey1969: Holy crap, your own private 45 acre beach for $3.6 mil? That is a great farking deal.

And pirates thrown in for free

That's OK, he's Captain Jack Sparrow. Besides, I haven't heard of issues with pirates attacking private Islands like they are ships.


What happens in international waters, stays in international waters.  Unless the current shifts.
 
2014-02-04 11:03:59 PM

ransack.: I don't understand, is the headline referring to the beach as a paradise and his ex-gf's last name is Paradis? Because the article says the beach is named after his daughter. Whom I'm assuming is not his ex-girlfriend.


I'm still waiting for an answer to this.
 
2014-02-05 12:31:49 AM

morg: ransack.: I don't understand, is the headline referring to the beach as a paradise and his ex-gf's last name is Paradis? Because the article says the beach is named after his daughter. Whom I'm assuming is not his ex-girlfriend.

I'm still waiting for an answer to this.


Johnny Depp's daughter is named Lily-Rose Melody Derp.  One of Johnny Depp's ex-girlfriend was Kate Moss.  Think, a rolling stone gathers no moss, and you'll have it.
 
2014-02-05 05:15:23 AM

trappedspirit: morg: ransack.: I don't understand, is the headline referring to the beach as a paradise and his ex-gf's last name is Paradis? Because the article says the beach is named after his daughter. Whom I'm assuming is not his ex-girlfriend.

I'm still waiting for an answer to this.

Johnny Depp's daughter is named Lily-Rose Melody Derp.  One of Johnny Depp's ex-girlfriend was Kate Moss.  Think, a rolling stone gathers no moss, and you'll have it.


So they were married on Derp Beach?   I'm getting confused.  OK, more confused than usual.  You would think TF'ers would have certain rights to use Derp Beach, too. Especially veterans of the Politics tab.  Just because!
 
2014-02-05 07:21:53 AM

morg: ransack.: I don't understand, is the headline referring to the beach as a paradise and his ex-gf's last name is Paradis? Because the article says the beach is named after his daughter. Whom I'm assuming is not his ex-girlfriend.

I'm still waiting for an answer to this.


I don't think we're getting one.
 
2014-02-05 09:17:00 AM

UseLessHuman: From the pictures in the article it looks like he traded one woman for another that looks just like her maybe a few years younger?  You can definitely tell he goes for women with a certain look.


lots of men have a "type".

pretty much all my girlfriends have been physically interchangeable.  my brother has yet to date a woman that was not a thin blond woman.  meh.  means nothing.
 
2014-02-05 10:00:40 AM

frepnog: UseLessHuman: From the pictures in the article it looks like he traded one woman for another that looks just like her maybe a few years younger?  You can definitely tell he goes for women with a certain look.

lots of men have a "type".

pretty much all my girlfriends have been physically interchangeable.  my brother has yet to date a woman that was not a thin blond woman.  meh.  means nothing.


It means you've arbitrarily limited your selection of mates for no real reason. Lots of brunettes with thick bootys cook, clean, make good money and enjoy sex. Is hair color that important? Will you care when you're 68 and don't get boners anymore?
 
2014-02-05 10:28:24 AM

ransack.: Lots of brunettes with thick bootys cook, clean, make good money and enjoy sex.


um.

that's my "type".

ransack.: Is hair color that important?


not really, but I am sexually attracted to brunettes before all others.  That means that a brunette with nice boobs and some ass will attract me long before a blonde would.
 
2014-02-05 11:00:24 AM

Spanky McStupid: whosits_112: MeSoHomely: weemonkey: MeSoHomely: cwheelie: vudukungfu: Oh, what a lucky man he was.

wait, I thought the wedding was in the Bahamas, not on Greg Lake.

face palmer.

[img.fark.net image 276x183]
Robert Palmer

[31.media.tumblr.com image 500x374]
Leland Palmer.

[img.fark.net image 183x275]
Arnold Palmer?


[miaulario.unavarra.es image 298x354]
Rosie Palmer?

[25.media.tumblr.com image 468x720]

Laura Palmer

Looks like someone forgot ...


I'm getting out of here before Amanda Palmer shows up.
 
2014-02-05 01:02:20 PM

Somaticasual: She definitely gets points for being one of the craziest drivers on top gear uk's "star in a reasonably priced car"...


We call that "Top Gear".  The American version is not even worth mentioning.
 
2014-02-05 01:29:50 PM

frepnog: ransack.: Lots of brunettes with thick bootys cook, clean, make good money and enjoy sex.

um.

that's my "type".

ransack.: Is hair color that important?

not really, but I am sexually attracted to brunettes before all others.  That means that a brunette with nice boobs and some ass will attract me long before a blonde would.


Well, I've dated a dozen blondes, of whom only two were actually blondes, so preferring brunettes is a plus.

Also, blondes can be surprisingly hairy, which one can discover if you have sex outdoors in the sunshine. Natural redheads, less so, and you'd best be quick, because they go cancerous in the sunshine.
 
2014-02-05 01:35:09 PM

Valiente: Also, blondes can be surprisingly hairy,


GOT THAT biatch A DEPILATORY.  biatchES LOVE DEPILATORIES.
 
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