Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Patheos)   Mormons declare war on masturbation in creepy new video: Masturbation is the enemy, and the good Mormon must be vigilant   (patheos.com) divider line 274
    More: Strange, masturbators  
•       •       •

11812 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Feb 2014 at 6:51 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



274 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | » | Last | Show all
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2014-02-02 02:27:25 PM  
Sick would have been a better tag.  There's something creepy with this revulsion toward anything to do with sex.

It's like they are trying to cover something up.  Probably a young boy.
 
jbc [TotalFark]
2014-02-02 02:56:44 PM  
Maybe to be safe, they should entirely quit having sex.
 
2014-02-02 02:58:09 PM  
I'm a horrible Mormon.
 
2014-02-02 02:58:57 PM  
But pedophilic polygamy is still cool, right?
 
2014-02-02 02:59:08 PM  
This video started creeping through the ex-Mormon underground websites and blogs and has now hit the big-time. It's hilarious, creepy, and repugnant all at the same time.

Masturbation = War.

Seriously?

img.fark.net

I'm not surprised this came out of BYU-Idaho -- the place where the zombie apocalypse will grind to a halt for lack of brains to feast on.
 
2014-02-02 03:07:54 PM  
"If you need to, talk to your bishop..."

Least effect masturbation technique ever.
 
2014-02-02 03:15:06 PM  
i1277.photobucket.com
 
2014-02-02 03:15:58 PM  
effective

goddamnitsomuch
 
2014-02-02 03:23:36 PM  
Like the war on drugs, this was has been going on a long time and nothing has changed or will.

Have an ex-Mormon friend and apparently her bishop quizzed her twice a year on whether she was masturbating. That's part of their counseling and meetings.

/ no word on who gets flogged if she misbehaved
 
2014-02-02 03:30:36 PM  
My great-grandfather nearly died of trench dick in WWI.
 
2014-02-02 03:35:22 PM  

JasonOfOrillia: "If you need to, talk to your bishop..."

Least effect masturbation technique ever.


Ice tea come out my nose.
 
2014-02-02 03:36:37 PM  
In the video,  BYU-Idaho President Kim B. Clark reminds students  to reach out to roommates in need:

Join in?
 
2014-02-02 03:37:26 PM  
Dum dum dum dum dum dum
 
2014-02-02 03:42:40 PM  
Good grief, who willingly goes to a school like that?  The fundamentalist Christian schools can be just as bad, such as the alma mater of official GOP SOTU responder and Stepford Wife Cathy McMorris Rodgers, Pensacola Christian College where:

 - All students are expected to dress modestly, in conservative fashions and men are not to wear effeminate hairstyles or apparel.
 - Physical contact and interaction between unwed members of the opposite sex is prohibited
 - Students can't go to the beach or a park after dark, and are prohibited from visiting the home of an unwed member of the opposite sex
 - Most stairwells and elevators on campus are segregated by gender
 - Most forms of dancing, profanity, hazing, discrimination, gambling, stealing and "witchcraft, séances, astrology, or any other satanic practices" are also banned." Students are also not allowed to use, possess, or "associate" with alcohol, tobacco, and illicit drugs.
 -  Policy violations also include visiting movie theaters, patronizing unauthorized area businesses, being off campus after hours, being in a residence hall belonging to a member of the opposite sex, and engaging in social activities with members of the opposite sex as a group

Oh, and as a bonus - "Students are taught that God created the Earth in six literal 24 hour days "

Seriously, who wants to subject themselves to that?
 
2014-02-02 03:50:34 PM  
Creepy Mormons are creepy.
 
2014-02-02 03:57:08 PM  

Paris1127: In the video,  BYU-Idaho President Kim B. Clark reminds students  to reach out to roommates in need:

Join in?


Well, since the whole thing is a f*cking circle-jerk anyway, it seems only proper
 
2014-02-02 03:58:01 PM  
Nice O face on the soldier in the youtube still.

Sounds like the Jehovahs Witnesses, too -- someone handed me one of their 'How To Be a Godly Teen' books back in high school and I flipped through it. Their entire take on masturbation was, nearly verbatim: 'The bible doesn't say anything about masturbation, but it's a filthy habit and God hates it anyway.'

If humor was erotica, that would've been totally fap-worthy.
 
2014-02-02 04:03:36 PM  
touching
 
2014-02-02 04:13:31 PM  

TuteTibiImperes: Good grief, who willingly goes to a school like that?  The fundamentalist Christian schools can be just as bad, such as the alma mater of official GOP SOTU responder and Stepford Wife Cathy McMorris Rodgers, Pensacola Christian College where:

 - All students are expected to dress modestly, in conservative fashions and men are not to wear effeminate hairstyles or apparel.
 - Physical contact and interaction between unwed members of the opposite sex is prohibited
 - Students can't go to the beach or a park after dark, and are prohibited from visiting the home of an unwed member of the opposite sex
 - Most stairwells and elevators on campus are segregated by gender
 - Most forms of dancing, profanity, hazing, discrimination, gambling, stealing and "witchcraft, séances, astrology, or any other satanic practices" are also banned." Students are also not allowed to use, possess, or "associate" with alcohol, tobacco, and illicit drugs.
 -  Policy violations also include visiting movie theaters, patronizing unauthorized area businesses, being off campus after hours, being in a residence hall belonging to a member of the opposite sex, and engaging in social activities with members of the opposite sex as a group

Oh, and as a bonus - "Students are taught that God created the Earth in six literal 24 hour days "

Seriously, who wants to subject themselves to that?


It's usually the parents who make that decision.
 
2014-02-02 04:16:41 PM  
I have an idea! We should organize a big fapping session to this video. Wouldn't that be great?!

Take THAT, Mormons!
 
2014-02-02 04:37:10 PM  

TuteTibiImperes: Good grief, who willingly goes to a school like that?  The fundamentalist Christian schools can be just as bad, such as the alma mater of official GOP SOTU responder and Stepford Wife Cathy McMorris Rodgers, Pensacola Christian College where:

 - All students are expected to dress modestly, in conservative fashions and men are not to wear effeminate hairstyles or apparel.
 - Physical contact and interaction between unwed members of the opposite sex is prohibited
 - Students can't go to the beach or a park after dark, and are prohibited from visiting the home of an unwed member of the opposite sex
 - Most stairwells and elevators on campus are segregated by gender
 - Most forms of dancing, profanity, hazing, discrimination, gambling, stealing and "witchcraft, séances, astrology, or any other satanic practices" are also banned." Students are also not allowed to use, possess, or "associate" with alcohol, tobacco, and illicit drugs.
 -  Policy violations also include visiting movie theaters, patronizing unauthorized area businesses, being off campus after hours, being in a residence hall belonging to a member of the opposite sex, and engaging in social activities with members of the opposite sex as a group

Oh, and as a bonus - "Students are taught that God created the Earth in six literal 24 hour days "

Seriously, who wants to subject themselves to that?


You forgot the most important rule:

... all female students must be in "proper" attire before they leave their rooms for a fire drill.  If you happen to be sleeping in pajama pants, you must take the time to put on a skirt before you try to escape the flames. If you should perish then at least you'll know you died for the cause of not tempting the fire fighters to lust after you.
 
2014-02-02 04:40:17 PM  

WI241TH: TuteTibiImperes: Good grief, who willingly goes to a school like that?  The fundamentalist Christian schools can be just as bad, such as the alma mater of official GOP SOTU responder and Stepford Wife Cathy McMorris Rodgers, Pensacola Christian College where:

 - All students are expected to dress modestly, in conservative fashions and men are not to wear effeminate hairstyles or apparel.
 - Physical contact and interaction between unwed members of the opposite sex is prohibited
 - Students can't go to the beach or a park after dark, and are prohibited from visiting the home of an unwed member of the opposite sex
 - Most stairwells and elevators on campus are segregated by gender
 - Most forms of dancing, profanity, hazing, discrimination, gambling, stealing and "witchcraft, séances, astrology, or any other satanic practices" are also banned." Students are also not allowed to use, possess, or "associate" with alcohol, tobacco, and illicit drugs.
 -  Policy violations also include visiting movie theaters, patronizing unauthorized area businesses, being off campus after hours, being in a residence hall belonging to a member of the opposite sex, and engaging in social activities with members of the opposite sex as a group

Oh, and as a bonus - "Students are taught that God created the Earth in six literal 24 hour days "

Seriously, who wants to subject themselves to that?

You forgot the most important rule:

... all female students must be in "proper" attire before they leave their rooms for a fire drill.  If you happen to be sleeping in pajama pants, you must take the time to put on a skirt before you try to escape the flames. If you should perish then at least you'll know you died for the cause of not tempting the fire fighters to lust after you.


And do something with that hair

/maybe a little lipstick if you don't smell smoke yet
 
2014-02-02 04:52:27 PM  

MaudlinMutantMollusk: WI241TH: TuteTibiImperes: Good grief, who willingly goes to a school like that?  The fundamentalist Christian schools can be just as bad, such as the alma mater of official GOP SOTU responder and Stepford Wife Cathy McMorris Rodgers, Pensacola Christian College where:

 - All students are expected to dress modestly, in conservative fashions and men are not to wear effeminate hairstyles or apparel.
 - Physical contact and interaction between unwed members of the opposite sex is prohibited
 - Students can't go to the beach or a park after dark, and are prohibited from visiting the home of an unwed member of the opposite sex
 - Most stairwells and elevators on campus are segregated by gender
 - Most forms of dancing, profanity, hazing, discrimination, gambling, stealing and "witchcraft, séances, astrology, or any other satanic practices" are also banned." Students are also not allowed to use, possess, or "associate" with alcohol, tobacco, and illicit drugs.
 -  Policy violations also include visiting movie theaters, patronizing unauthorized area businesses, being off campus after hours, being in a residence hall belonging to a member of the opposite sex, and engaging in social activities with members of the opposite sex as a group

Oh, and as a bonus - "Students are taught that God created the Earth in six literal 24 hour days "

Seriously, who wants to subject themselves to that?

You forgot the most important rule:

... all female students must be in "proper" attire before they leave their rooms for a fire drill.  If you happen to be sleeping in pajama pants, you must take the time to put on a skirt before you try to escape the flames. If you should perish then at least you'll know you died for the cause of not tempting the fire fighters to lust after you.

And do something with that hair

/maybe a little lipstick if you don't smell smoke yet


But not too much, else you will tempt the firefighters with your wantonness.
 
2014-02-02 05:00:00 PM  

JasonOfOrillia: "If you need to, talk to your bishop..."

Least effect masturbation technique ever.


As opposed to just flogging him?
 
2014-02-02 05:24:38 PM  
To be honest, if I saw some guy whacking it in the woods in the middle of a battle in WWII I would probably just let him be. That man has priorities.
 
2014-02-02 05:29:12 PM  
Also the related videos at the end are humorous.
 
2014-02-02 05:41:53 PM  
God gives man instincts. He gives you this extraordinary gift, and then what does He do, I swear for His own amusement, his own private, cosmic gag reel, He sets the rules in opposition.

theprodigalguide.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-02-02 05:42:43 PM  

WI241TH: TuteTibiImperes: Good grief, who willingly goes to a school like that?  The fundamentalist Christian schools can be just as bad, such as the alma mater of official GOP SOTU responder and Stepford Wife Cathy McMorris Rodgers, Pensacola Christian College where:

 - All students are expected to dress modestly, in conservative fashions and men are not to wear effeminate hairstyles or apparel.
 - Physical contact and interaction between unwed members of the opposite sex is prohibited
 - Students can't go to the beach or a park after dark, and are prohibited from visiting the home of an unwed member of the opposite sex
 - Most stairwells and elevators on campus are segregated by gender
 - Most forms of dancing, profanity, hazing, discrimination, gambling, stealing and "witchcraft, séances, astrology, or any other satanic practices" are also banned." Students are also not allowed to use, possess, or "associate" with alcohol, tobacco, and illicit drugs.
 -  Policy violations also include visiting movie theaters, patronizing unauthorized area businesses, being off campus after hours, being in a residence hall belonging to a member of the opposite sex, and engaging in social activities with members of the opposite sex as a group

Oh, and as a bonus - "Students are taught that God created the Earth in six literal 24 hour days "

Seriously, who wants to subject themselves to that?

You forgot the most important rule:

... all female students must be in "proper" attire before they leave their rooms for a fire drill.  If you happen to be sleeping in pajama pants, you must take the time to put on a skirt before you try to escape the flames. If you should perish then at least you'll know you died for the cause of not tempting the fire fighters to lust after you.


Please tell me you're kidding about that one.
 
2014-02-02 05:49:49 PM  

fusillade762: Please tell me you're kidding about that one.


oh, if only...
 
2014-02-02 05:54:45 PM  

fusillade762: Oh, and as a bonus - "Students are taught that God created the Earth in six literal 24 hour days "


But how did the concept of days exist before the earth and the sun were created? And why the fark does God have to rest for a day? He's God. I don't get to rest for a day.
 
vpb [TotalFark]
2014-02-02 06:25:57 PM  

Mugato: fusillade762: Oh, and as a bonus - "Students are taught that God created the Earth in six literal 24 hour days "

But how did the concept of days exist before the earth and the sun were created? And why the fark does God have to rest for a day? He's God. I don't get to rest for a day.


Gods are pussies.

Seriously, why would they be so vain and jealous if they weren't?
 
2014-02-02 06:54:15 PM  

vpb: Mugato: fusillade762: Oh, and as a bonus - "Students are taught that God created the Earth in six literal 24 hour days "

But how did the concept of days exist before the earth and the sun were created? And why the fark does God have to rest for a day? He's God. I don't get to rest for a day.

Gods are pussies.

Seriously, why would they be so vain and jealous if they weren't?


In fairness, in many Eastern circles, the gods and other supernatural critters all serve a purpose, and that includes demons, and that is to serve. If anything, the gods are to be pitied, for they are their roles, and thus can't break from them--at least those pantheons that have had Buddhists roll in. They are to be pitied, because they can never know Enlightenment, and never progress beyond their role and station. Gods serve a purpose, and some of that is that they are warning signs. They can never rise above their station. They are trapped in their roles.

As for Yahweh...the Israelites had a LOT of competition, and in their early days, they were even pantheistic, until Yahweh sort of got the nod. Akhenaten--King Tut's father--tried to get the Egyptians to make the switch to a single deity, but even the Pharaoh couldn't quite break years of tradition. The Israelites had adopted a lot of local gods, their neighbors were pantheistic, Yahweh had a LOT of competition, and it took a while for the notion of ONE god to make it through their whole society. And more, living amongst folks who made a big to do with all their gods. We look at things with a bit of a filter, since the popularity of the People of the Book has sort of saturated Western culture, it's been a while since The People of the Book have directly butted up and competed with folks who have a lot of gods.

The gods people worship, they tell you a lot about those people. Greeks, Romans, Han, Nihonjin, the Germanic tribes, and yes, even the People of the Book. Their interpretation of their deity or deities says a lot about them as well. The Aztecs? A bunch of murderous, crazy psychopaths like few others. Their gods weren't petty, they were full on psychotic and screaming for blood. You can imagine the folks at the outskirts of their empire, sort of nodding to the gods, making some minor sacrifices, and hoping the Hells that the Eagle and Jaguars would just forget that their villages even existed when festival time came round...
 
2014-02-02 06:55:06 PM  
I bet that's what the s000per sekrit things they do in their secret inner temple sanctums are... wanking, clothed in the light(nothing), group sex, with a big mitt romney portrait watching over.
 
2014-02-02 06:57:34 PM  
This is why you must flog your bishop frequently lest it rise up against you and spit in your face
 
2014-02-02 06:57:43 PM  

TuteTibiImperes: men are not to wear effeminate hairstyles or apparel


www.carlbloch.org
 
2014-02-02 07:00:21 PM  

vpb: Mugato: fusillade762: Oh, and as a bonus - "Students are taught that God created the Earth in six literal 24 hour days "

But how did the concept of days exist before the earth and the sun were created? And why the fark does God have to rest for a day? He's God. I don't get to rest for a day.

Gods are pussies.

Seriously, why would they be so vain and jealous if they weren't?


It's in the ground rules.  Exodus 20:5   Moses was told what he was getting into.
 
2014-02-02 07:00:29 PM  
TuteTibiImperes:

- Physical contact and interaction between unwed members of the opposite sex is prohibited
- Students can't go to the beach or a park after dark, and are prohibited from visiting the home of an unwed member of the opposite sex


So that means it's okay to tend to the needs of unsatisfied spouses as long as you're married yourself, right?
 
2014-02-02 07:01:00 PM  
Shame. The ultimate tool of control. And religion is about control.
 
2014-02-02 07:01:00 PM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-02-02 07:01:01 PM  
So....they need an army of voyeurs?
Where do I sign up?

/kidding, just kidding
//runs and hides
 
2014-02-02 07:01:09 PM  
"If you need to, talk to your bishop", ummmm
 
2014-02-02 07:03:54 PM  
unless your bishop is also a pimp, I don't see any real point in discussing this with them.
 
2014-02-02 07:05:45 PM  

CaliNJGuy: "If you need to, talk to your bishop", ummmm


Confession and/or "counseling", a page right outta the Catholic playbook.
 
2014-02-02 07:07:46 PM  
I tried talking with my bishop but he just stared at me, so I got angry and choked him.
 
2014-02-02 07:07:53 PM  
I masturbated today, so I'm getting a kick ...
 
2014-02-02 07:09:09 PM  
For every time you don't masturbate, I'm going to masturbate TWICE.

=Smidge=
/And if it's a slow day, I might not even wait for you.
 
2014-02-02 07:09:27 PM  
1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-02-02 07:10:16 PM  
"We must control your biology at any cost."
 
2014-02-02 07:11:10 PM  
Turn it off.
/Like a light switch
 
2014-02-02 07:12:11 PM  
hubiestubert:
As for Yahweh...the Israelites had a LOT of competition, and in their early days, they were even pantheistic, until Yahweh sort of got the nod.

To be fair,  the Israelites were probably monolatristic,  (Worshipers of one god,   as opposed to _believers_ in one god)  Big distinction from either pantheistic or monotheistic.
 
Displayed 50 of 274 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
Advertisement
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report