If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(io9)   If you're the type of person who is interested in movies about big-ass spiders, look no further   (io9.com) divider line 54
    More: Amusing, Big Ass Spider, Greg Grunberg, low-budget films, drive in, Toxic Avenger  
•       •       •

2938 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 02 Feb 2014 at 3:57 PM (29 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



54 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all
 
2014-02-02 02:48:53 PM
Yeah, I saw this a while ago when it was on the festival circuit and I liked it a lot.  It held together well and it was a lot of fun.
 
2014-02-02 03:58:33 PM
I'm afraid of big ass-spiders
 
2014-02-02 04:01:45 PM
John Peters approves
 
2014-02-02 04:03:06 PM

ozone: I'm afraid of big ass-spiders


Yeah, no ass spiders for me, ether thanks.
 
2014-02-02 04:11:17 PM

wiwille: John Peters approves


Approves also:

flypapermagazine.com
 
2014-02-02 04:13:20 PM
Done in two.
 
2014-02-02 04:15:55 PM
A big ass-spider and Greg Grunberg, with a huge side of cheese? I... I enjoy all three of those.

Yes. Yes, I do want to own this.
 
2014-02-02 04:16:18 PM
Lead dude is best big-ass-spider-whisperer evar!!!


img.fark.net
 
2014-02-02 04:18:48 PM
i970.photobucket.com
 
2014-02-02 04:19:16 PM

ozone: I'm afraid of big ass-spiders


*shakes tiny ass-fist*
 
2014-02-02 04:28:46 PM
It looks fun, but I can't help but think of the fundamental flaw that any "massive animal attacks a city in the modern age" would have. Once the military shows up the jig is pretty much up.

A "big ass spider" - or dragon or whatever - will have no defense against tanks, helicopters or aircraft. A couple rounds from an Abrahms, or a few missiles fired from the aircraft, and you've at the very least mortally wounded it if not killed it on the spot. And these are weapons platforms that can engage from great distances and move very fast. And nevermind what something like an A-10 would do...

That's what put me off of Reign of Fire right from the start. Dragons were slumbering under the city and they escape and lay waste to the whole farking planet? I don't think so. There's no way a dragon has any defense against an F-18. Our freaking aircraft can fire from over the damn horizon for fark's sake, and fly faster than the speed of sound!!! Sure, they'd stomp around nicely for an hour or so while we got our shiat in gear, but then we'd make short work of them. There's a lot of monsters from fairy tales of the past that mankind is actually too big of a threat for now. They'd need to worry more about us then we'd need to worry about them.
 
2014-02-02 04:30:03 PM
How can ass-spiders be ass-fun? I can think of way more things to make ass-fun than spiders, even if they are specially-trained genetically-bred ass-spiders.
 
2014-02-02 04:31:31 PM
"It"?
 
2014-02-02 04:34:00 PM

Hector Remarkable: How can ass-spiders be ass-fun? I can think of way more things to make ass-fun than spiders, even if they are specially-trained genetically-bred ass-spiders.


Like ass-hamsters, such as.
 
2014-02-02 04:40:13 PM
Uhhh .... There are ass spiders now?!
 
2014-02-02 04:43:33 PM

ozone: I'm afraid of big ass-spiders


imgs.xkcd.com

In other news, a GIS for "ass car" also produced this little gem (probably NSFW)
 
2014-02-02 04:44:34 PM
Just watched "Tarantula" last night on "Svengoolie".
 
2014-02-02 04:45:19 PM

mongbiohazard: There's no way a dragon has any defense against an F-18.


LOL! No offense, but you sound like my 10 year old.
There's plenty of reasons one can win.
It's hide. Ability to hover. Stronger offense. Numbers. Fear of destroying cities.
 
2014-02-02 04:47:02 PM

mongbiohazard: It looks fun, but I can't help but think of the fundamental flaw that any "massive animal attacks a city in the modern age" would have. Once the military shows up the jig is pretty much up.

A "big ass spider" - or dragon or whatever - will have no defense against tanks, helicopters or aircraft. A couple rounds from an Abrahms, or a few missiles fired from the aircraft, and you've at the very least mortally wounded it if not killed it on the spot. And these are weapons platforms that can engage from great distances and move very fast. And nevermind what something like an A-10 would do...

That's what put me off of Reign of Fire right from the start. Dragons were slumbering under the city and they escape and lay waste to the whole farking planet? I don't think so. There's no way a dragon has any defense against an F-18. Our freaking aircraft can fire from over the damn horizon for fark's sake, and fly faster than the speed of sound!!! Sure, they'd stomp around nicely for an hour or so while we got our shiat in gear, but then we'd make short work of them. There's a lot of monsters from fairy tales of the past that mankind is actually too big of a threat for now. They'd need to worry more about us then we'd need to worry about them.


I bet you're lots of fun at parties and Bad Monster Movie Nights, aren't you?
 
2014-02-02 04:51:35 PM

macross87: ozone: I'm afraid of big ass-spiders

*shakes tiny ass-fist*


I hope you washed it.
 
2014-02-02 04:56:20 PM

Zombie DJ: mongbiohazard: There's no way a dragon has any defense against an F-18.

LOL! No offense, but you sound like my 10 year old.
There's plenty of reasons one can win.
It's hide. Ability to hover. Stronger offense. Numbers. Fear of destroying cities.



We build weapons take destroy armored targets - animal hide is no defense if ceramic ablative armor, titanium, 1" thick steel plates, military grade aluminum or etc. isn't.
A hovering enemy is another way of saying stationary target. Helicopters can hover too, and we destroy them just fine.... And unlike a helicopter a dragon doesn't have an over-the-horizon radar network it's plugged in to in order to spot the attacker which is well out of visual range.
A big flamethrower is a stronger offense then high explosive missiles with ranges of many miles and cannons with shorter ranges that are both still WAAAAAAY longer range than a flamethrower and far more destructive as well?
Numbers...... The human race has roughly a jillion military vehicles.
The human race can destroy a city in literally an instant with one single device smaller than a dragon.

If some dragons suddenly appeared it would be a miracle if wealthy big game hunters didn't hunt down any survivors for sport after the military got through with them. A dragon wouldn't even have an idea why it was suddenly exploding from out of nowhere. These aren't creatures adapted to deal with a missile fired from 30 miles away!

No offense, but it sounds like your 10 year old is probably already smarter than you.
 
2014-02-02 04:56:20 PM

gravy chugging cretin.: mongbiohazard: It looks fun, but I can't help but think of the fundamental flaw that any "massive animal attacks a city in the modern age" would have. Once the military shows up the jig is pretty much up.

A "big ass spider" - or dragon or whatever - will have no defense against tanks, helicopters or aircraft. A couple rounds from an Abrahms, or a few missiles fired from the aircraft, and you've at the very least mortally wounded it if not killed it on the spot. And these are weapons platforms that can engage from great distances and move very fast. And nevermind what something like an A-10 would do...

That's what put me off of Reign of Fire right from the start. Dragons were slumbering under the city and they escape and lay waste to the whole farking planet? I don't think so. There's no way a dragon has any defense against an F-18. Our freaking aircraft can fire from over the damn horizon for fark's sake, and fly faster than the speed of sound!!! Sure, they'd stomp around nicely for an hour or so while we got our shiat in gear, but then we'd make short work of them. There's a lot of monsters from fairy tales of the past that mankind is actually too big of a threat for now. They'd need to worry more about us then we'd need to worry about them.

I bet you're lots of fun at parties and Bad Monster Movie Nights, aren't you?


Sorry, I'm with mong. Every damn monster movie where the military goes apeshiat on the monster with enough firepower to make a quick 8 tons of extra lean burger, let alone level the city around the beast, and it ends up looking like spitballs hitting it. Hardly a scratch. That's when I start tuning out, can't believe the powers that be would be content with ' well the 9 mm didn't work, screw it let's go home' approach.
 
2014-02-02 04:57:49 PM
Hasn't this already been done?

www.centropolis.com
 
2014-02-02 04:59:20 PM
gravy chugging cretin.:  I bet you're lots of fun at parties and Bad Monster Movie Nights, aren't you?


Actually, if my friends and I are having a bad movie night that's exactly the kind of thing everyone is going to be throwing out there while we have a blast mocking the bad movie we picked. I mean, we do those nights precisely TO make fun of the movies... That's the fun of it.

If I'm in the company of "normies" though, then I just keep my mouth shut and enjoy the snacks.
 
2014-02-02 05:02:23 PM
I wish Arachnophobia had been better.
 
2014-02-02 05:11:46 PM
Are ass-spiders in any way related to crotch-crickets?

yakmans_dad: I wish Arachnophobia had been better good.


and this ^
 
F42
2014-02-02 05:18:52 PM

fusillade762: Hasn't this already been done?


The biggest 8 legged freak was the size of a minivan, this big ass spider is much larger.
 
2014-02-02 05:32:34 PM

F42: fusillade762: Hasn't this already been done?

The biggest 8 legged freak was the size of a minivan, this big ass spider is much larger.


 But there were lot's of 'em. Which kinda made up for it.
 
2014-02-02 05:50:28 PM
This is relevant to my interests.
 
2014-02-02 05:54:33 PM

Zombie DJ: mongbiohazard: There's no way a dragon has any defense against an F-18.

LOL! No offense, but you sound like my 10 year old.
There's plenty of reasons one can win.
It's hide. Ability to hover. Stronger offense. Numbers. Fear of destroying cities.


Fear of spiders.
 
2014-02-02 06:01:46 PM
im the biggest iraqnafobe here and loved this.
the opening music video or whatever...
the old lady in the begining, the air ducks scene, the elevator scene

/trolling for grammar/spelling/comma Nazi's
 
2014-02-02 06:13:59 PM

mongbiohazard: Zombie DJ: mongbiohazard: There's no way a dragon has any defense against an F-18.

LOL! No offense, but you sound like my 10 year old.
There's plenty of reasons one can win.
It's hide. Ability to hover. Stronger offense. Numbers. Fear of destroying cities.


We build weapons take destroy armored targets - animal hide is no defense if ceramic ablative armor, titanium, 1" thick steel plates, military grade aluminum or etc. isn't.
A hovering enemy is another way of saying stationary target. Helicopters can hover too, and we destroy them just fine.... And unlike a helicopter a dragon doesn't have an over-the-horizon radar network it's plugged in to in order to spot the attacker which is well out of visual range.
A big flamethrower is a stronger offense then high explosive missiles with ranges of many miles and cannons with shorter ranges that are both still WAAAAAAY longer range than a flamethrower and far more destructive as well?
Numbers...... The human race has roughly a jillion military vehicles.
The human race can destroy a city in literally an instant with one single device smaller than a dragon.

If some dragons suddenly appeared it would be a miracle if wealthy big game hunters didn't hunt down any survivors for sport after the military got through with them. A dragon wouldn't even have an idea why it was suddenly exploding from out of nowhere. These aren't creatures adapted to deal with a missile fired from 30 miles away!

No offense, but it sounds like your 10 year old is probably already smarter than you.


How about instead of one giant monster we have millions of small monster that actively seek out humans to poison and lay their eggs in? Tons of them, coating entire forests in webbing, crawling in every nook, every corner, crawling in your bed while you sleep. How's that?
 
2014-02-02 06:24:16 PM
Packers?  Inna Super Bowl?!?  PACKERS!!!   WOOO!  PACKERS!
 
2014-02-02 06:30:23 PM

Richard C Stanford: How about instead of one giant monster we have millions of small monster that actively seek out humans to poison and lay their eggs in? Tons of them, coating entire forests in webbing, crawling in every nook, every corner, crawling in your bed while you sleep. How's that?


Whelp... that takes care of sleeping tonight.  Thanks
 
2014-02-02 06:32:09 PM

fusillade762: Hasn't this already been done?

[www.centropolis.com image 510x755]


I love that movie, such a brainless flick.  Up there with Evolution.

/CA CA, CA CA
//TOOKIE TOOKIE
 
2014-02-02 06:59:07 PM

mongbiohazard: It looks fun, but I can't help but think of the fundamental flaw that any "massive animal attacks a city in the modern age" would have. Once the military shows up the jig is pretty much up.

A "big ass spider" - or dragon or whatever - will have no defense against tanks, helicopters or aircraft. A couple rounds from an Abrahms, or a few missiles fired from the aircraft, and you've at the very least mortally wounded it if not killed it on the spot. And these are weapons platforms that can engage from great distances and move very fast. And nevermind what something like an A-10 would do...

That's what put me off of Reign of Fire right from the start. Dragons were slumbering under the city and they escape and lay waste to the whole farking planet? I don't think so. There's no way a dragon has any defense against an F-18. Our freaking aircraft can fire from over the damn horizon for fark's sake, and fly faster than the speed of sound!!! Sure, they'd stomp around nicely for an hour or so while we got our shiat in gear, but then we'd make short work of them. There's a lot of monsters from fairy tales of the past that mankind is actually too big of a threat for now. They'd need to worry more about us then we'd need to worry about them.


Haven't seen Reign of Fire in quite a while, but I thought there were thousands of dragons and they reproduce rapidly. Add the fact that they feed on ash so they destroy anything that goes kaboom, they pretty much destroy anything on sight. How many fighter jets are on the planet? I have no idea, but if it isn't thousands, we're outnumbered in the air and screwed.
 
2014-02-02 07:33:58 PM
I'll have to watch this movie later.  At the moment, I'm dealing with a pretty severe case of ass spiders that's not getting any better.  Doc told me to come back if it didn't clear up on its own, so I guess I need to make another appointment.
 
2014-02-02 07:39:27 PM
Maybe they can call the sequel Kardachnid.
 
2014-02-02 07:45:05 PM

yakmans_dad: I wish Arachnophobia had been better.


What I remember best about that film is the intelligence the spiders convey. It's almost comical. Almost as if the spider characters are smarter than the human characters.

Geez, I desperately want to watch that now. Have a spider movie marathon night, even...
 
2014-02-02 07:51:52 PM

fusillade762: Hasn't this already been done?

[www.centropolis.com image 510x755]


www.taos-telecommunity.org
Hell, this was last night's Svengoolie.
 
2014-02-02 08:07:01 PM

Paris1127: fusillade762: Hasn't this already been done?

[www.centropolis.com image 510x755]

[www.taos-telecommunity.org image 621x480]
Hell, this was last night's Svengoolie.


horror.mdv.se

Featuring Alan "The Skipper" Hale Jr. and Barbara "Della Street" Hale.
 
2014-02-02 08:23:35 PM
With the delightful Claire Kramer.
 
2014-02-02 08:25:05 PM

Richard C Stanford: mongbiohazard: Zombie DJ: mongbiohazard: There's no way a dragon has any defense against an F-18.

LOL! No offense, but you sound like my 10 year old.
There's plenty of reasons one can win.
It's hide. Ability to hover. Stronger offense. Numbers. Fear of destroying cities.


We build weapons take destroy armored targets - animal hide is no defense if ceramic ablative armor, titanium, 1" thick steel plates, military grade aluminum or etc. isn't.
A hovering enemy is another way of saying stationary target. Helicopters can hover too, and we destroy them just fine.... And unlike a helicopter a dragon doesn't have an over-the-horizon radar network it's plugged in to in order to spot the attacker which is well out of visual range.
A big flamethrower is a stronger offense then high explosive missiles with ranges of many miles and cannons with shorter ranges that are both still WAAAAAAY longer range than a flamethrower and far more destructive as well?
Numbers...... The human race has roughly a jillion military vehicles.
The human race can destroy a city in literally an instant with one single device smaller than a dragon.

If some dragons suddenly appeared it would be a miracle if wealthy big game hunters didn't hunt down any survivors for sport after the military got through with them. A dragon wouldn't even have an idea why it was suddenly exploding from out of nowhere. These aren't creatures adapted to deal with a missile fired from 30 miles away!

No offense, but it sounds like your 10 year old is probably already smarter than you.

How about instead of one giant monster we have millions of small monster that actively seek out humans to poison and lay their eggs in? Tons of them, coating entire forests in webbing, crawling in every nook, every corner, crawling in your bed while you sleep. How's that?


Legitimately terrifying! Maybe something genetically engineered to destroy humans... Lots and lots of small threats are a whole lot harder to deal with than big threats which can be carved up with large caliber machine gun fire.
 
2014-02-02 08:51:09 PM

MagSeven: mongbiohazard: It looks fun, but I can't help but think of the fundamental flaw that any "massive animal attacks a city in the modern age" would have. Once the military shows up the jig is pretty much up.

A "big ass spider" - or dragon or whatever - will have no defense against tanks, helicopters or aircraft. A couple rounds from an Abrahms, or a few missiles fired from the aircraft, and you've at the very least mortally wounded it if not killed it on the spot. And these are weapons platforms that can engage from great distances and move very fast. And nevermind what something like an A-10 would do...

That's what put me off of Reign of Fire right from the start. Dragons were slumbering under the city and they escape and lay waste to the whole farking planet? I don't think so. There's no way a dragon has any defense against an F-18. Our freaking aircraft can fire from over the damn horizon for fark's sake, and fly faster than the speed of sound!!! Sure, they'd stomp around nicely for an hour or so while we got our shiat in gear, but then we'd make short work of them. There's a lot of monsters from fairy tales of the past that mankind is actually too big of a threat for now. They'd need to worry more about us then we'd need to worry about them.

Haven't seen Reign of Fire in quite a while, but I thought there were thousands of dragons and they reproduce rapidly. Add the fact that they feed on ash so they destroy anything that goes kaboom, they pretty much destroy anything on sight. How many fighter jets are on the planet? I have no idea, but if it isn't thousands, we're outnumbered in the air and screwed.


Dragons feeding on ash makes the job even simpler.  You fire a missile at a dragon, killing it and burning it down to ash.  This attracts more dragons, which means you don't have to hunt them down.  Just wait for them.  So long as you keep rotating your aircraft so they don't run out of missiles, you are golden.  While I mostly enjoyed Reign of Fire, I thought the entire premise was crap.
 
2014-02-02 09:15:31 PM

puckrock2000: Paris1127: fusillade762: Hasn't this already been done?

[www.centropolis.com image 510x755]

[www.taos-telecommunity.org image 621x480]
Hell, this was last night's Svengoolie.

[horror.mdv.se image 798x534]

Featuring Alan "The Skipper" Hale Jr. and Barbara "Della Street" Hale.


Even better:
farm3.static.flickr.com
 
2014-02-02 09:40:30 PM
static3.wikia.nocookie.net
 
2014-02-02 10:00:21 PM

ozone: I'm afraid of big ass-spiders


i212.photobucket.com
 
2014-02-02 10:12:47 PM

Canton: yakmans_dad: I wish Arachnophobia had been better.

What I remember best about that film is the intelligence the spiders convey. It's almost comical. Almost as if the spider characters are smarter than the human characters.

Geez, I desperately want to watch that now. Have a spider movie marathon night, even...


If you haven't seen it in awhile, it's a marathon by itself.  The movie needed to be about 30 minutes shorter. Frank Marshall is a great producer, but  a director ... not so much.
 
2014-02-02 11:36:29 PM
forgottenflix.com
 
2014-02-02 11:39:30 PM

mongbiohazard: Zombie DJ: mongbiohazard: There's no way a dragon has any defense against an F-18.

LOL! No offense, but you sound like my 10 year old.
There's plenty of reasons one can win.
It's hide. Ability to hover. Stronger offense. Numbers. Fear of destroying cities.


We build weapons take destroy armored targets - animal hide is no defense if ceramic ablative armor, titanium, 1" thick steel plates, military grade aluminum or etc. isn't.
A hovering enemy is another way of saying stationary target. Helicopters can hover too, and we destroy them just fine.... And unlike a helicopter a dragon doesn't have an over-the-horizon radar network it's plugged in to in order to spot the attacker which is well out of visual range.
A big flamethrower is a stronger offense then high explosive missiles with ranges of many miles and cannons with shorter ranges that are both still WAAAAAAY longer range than a flamethrower and far more destructive as well?
Numbers...... The human race has roughly a jillion military vehicles.
The human race can destroy a city in literally an instant with one single device smaller than a dragon.

If some dragons suddenly appeared it would be a miracle if wealthy big game hunters didn't hunt down any survivors for sport after the military got through with them. A dragon wouldn't even have an idea why it was suddenly exploding from out of nowhere. These aren't creatures adapted to deal with a missile fired from 30 miles away!

No offense, but it sounds like your 10 year old is probably already smarter than you.


If you overthink fantasy that much, you probably don't enjoy it at all. I mean, let's go one step further: There can't even be giant insects because of the square-cube law. There, the movie's over before the opening credits, you can go home and not even have to worry about howcome the military can't destroy a giant ant invasion. As far as dragons, same thing applies, they're too big to fly, even if their bones are hollow; and no biological mechanism exists that would enable them to breathe fire.

OK, so much for insects and dragons. Anything else you can't believe in so we can have realistic war movies for you to watch?
 
Displayed 50 of 54 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report