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(Huffington Post)   "Professional cuddler" charges $80 dollars an hour to spoon with you. No word on how much she charges to fork   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 92
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8029 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Feb 2014 at 10:54 AM (32 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-02-02 12:41:44 PM
Maybe it's just me, but if I were going to pay for cuddling, I'd pay a bit extra for the 'Girlfriend Experience'.  But I could see how lonely people who want a (fake) emotional connection/physical contact would pay for cuddling but not be willing to pay for a call girl.
 
2014-02-02 12:50:28 PM
Prostitution arrest in 3...2...1...

Seriously though, $500 overnight had better come with a happy ending at least.
 
2014-02-02 12:50:45 PM
Probably less if you treated her knife.
 
2014-02-02 12:53:52 PM
God do I need this. So badly.

/loves cougars.
//left wife
///is female
////slashies
 
2014-02-02 12:58:18 PM
just die
 
2014-02-02 01:05:04 PM
I have a friend who does this.  When guys have asked her what would happen if they tried to make more happen, she's told them she'd punch them in the nuts very, very hard.
 
2014-02-02 01:07:08 PM

Larry Mahnken: I have a friend who does this.  When guys have asked her what would happen if they tried to make more happen, she's told them she'd punch them in the nuts very, very hard.


Does she charge extra for that?
 
2014-02-02 01:11:29 PM

Larry Mahnken: I have a friend who does this.  When guys have asked her what would happen if they tried to make more happen, she's told them she'd punch them in the nuts very, very hard.


Can you be a good friend to her and help advertise her business by posting a link to a website, preferably with pictures?
 
2014-02-02 01:13:14 PM
My buddy used to be a driver/bodyguard for escorts. Something like 70% of the time no sex happen, the dudes wanted the shoulder to cry on and some company.

I wonder if I could get into the cuddle game, I need extra cash.
 
2014-02-02 01:14:54 PM

Oldiron_79: zimbomba63: Oldiron_79: JerseyTim: If you wind up sleeping with your professional cuddler, is that sporking?

So how many people who would claim there is nothing sexual about cuddling would cuddle with the wrong gender for you to fark?

Huh?

Im trying to start a Vince and Jules Foot massage style discussion here.


Fine.  I'm the cuddling master.  And no, I wouldn't cuddle you.
 
2014-02-02 01:17:15 PM

shortymac: My buddy used to be a driver/bodyguard for escorts. Something like 70% of the time no sex happen, the dudes wanted the shoulder to cry on and some company.


Is the charge still the same, or less?

Also, could those be repeat (or future repeat) visits where they do fark, just less than 50% of the time?
 
2014-02-02 01:23:53 PM

Larry Mahnken: I have a friend who does this.  When guys have asked her what would happen if they tried to make more happen, she's told them she'd punch them in the nuts very, very hard.


How many hours does your friend put in in a typical week? This sounds like it has the potential to be insanely emotionally draining.
 
2014-02-02 01:29:25 PM

EvilEgg: AverageAmericanGuy: EvilEgg: Or you could get a dog.

Over the lifetime of the commitment, it seems like a dog would end up costing you a lot more.

I guess it depends on how much cuddling you want. A dog doesn't set a timer when he lies down with you.


Yah but a human doesn't give you fleas or lick your toes (that costs extra).
 
2014-02-02 01:38:03 PM

Yankees Team Gynecologist: shortymac: My buddy used to be a driver/bodyguard for escorts. Something like 70% of the time no sex happen, the dudes wanted the shoulder to cry on and some company.

Is the charge still the same, or less?

Also, could those be repeat (or future repeat) visits where they do fark, just less than 50% of the time?


Same charge, this was in a casino town so there where a lot of one-off businessman who where simply bored and alone.

It's basically the arrested development skit come to life.
 
2014-02-02 01:41:38 PM
I miss cuddling with the GF she is so warm and quiet. My roomate snores like a friggin train. She is a weird sleeper, she moves a lot and moves over to my side and keeps pushing me out. She is lucky her back hurts or Id dump her on the couch.
 
2014-02-02 01:48:16 PM

shortymac: My buddy used to be a driver/bodyguard for escorts. Something like 70% of the time no sex happen, the dudes wanted the shoulder to cry on and some company.


Your buddy loves to test your gullibility.
 
2014-02-02 01:49:42 PM

Literally Addicted: Good headline, subby


Subby didn't come up with it, he/she just recycled a headline from two years ago:

"For just $60 an hour you can be the big spoon to this cute girl's little spoon. Just no forking"
http://www.fark.com/comments/7210101


Bad Subby, BAD! Rub your nose in what you've done!
 
2014-02-02 01:51:50 PM
Knife headline.
 
2014-02-02 01:52:47 PM

gweilo8888: Literally Addicted: Good headline, subby

Subby didn't come up with it, he/she just recycled a headline from two years ago:

"For just $60 an hour you can be the big spoon to this cute girl's little spoon. Just no forking"
http://www.fark.com/comments/7210101

Bad Subby, BAD! Rub your nose in what you've done!


I could see if that was last week but two years? It's entirely possible possible for multiple people to make the same fork joke about professional spooning without thieving.

/Not subby
 
2014-02-02 01:57:59 PM

walktoanarcade: They're just trying to lull you into a false sense of security then-BAM!

She has pushed play on Dances With Wolves and you feel obligated to watch it with her, but you really just wanted to fark and then go grab some pizza and get on with your day.


Next thing you know, she's stopped cleaning the apartment, yet you're still paying her.


Also, trying to be religious, I avoid any physical contact with the opposite sex (non-close-relations). That just mean the effect of actually snuggling with my SO is almost always arousing
 
2014-02-02 02:03:21 PM
http://www.thesnuggery.org/rates_services.html

And you can snuggle with two at the same.
 
2014-02-02 02:15:41 PM
I've frequently mentioned that someone oughta set up live ASMR sessions along this theme. They'd clean house.
 
2014-02-02 02:16:31 PM

picturescrazy: I could see if that was last week but two years? It's entirely possible possible for multiple people to make the same fork joke about professional spooning without thieving.

/Not subby


That may have been somewhat tongue in cheek. Either way, though, it's borrowed or it's obvious. It's hardly worthy of raves and claims of a HOTY.
 
2014-02-02 02:59:28 PM
We have a big beast of a German Doberman that spoons you when you're trying to nap, whether you like it or not.
 
2014-02-02 03:03:41 PM

AngryDragon: Prostitution arrest in 3...2...1...

Seriously though, $500 overnight had better come with a happy ending at least.


This.

It is cheaper than being married.

- been there twice.
 
2014-02-02 03:48:16 PM

gweilo8888: shortymac: My buddy used to be a driver/bodyguard for escorts. Something like 70% of the time no sex happen, the dudes wanted the shoulder to cry on and some company.

Your buddy loves to test your gullibility.


no it's for real. I want to get him to write a book one of these days.
 
2014-02-02 03:57:01 PM

JK8Fan: AngryDragon: Prostitution arrest in 3...2...1...

Seriously though, $500 overnight had better come with a happy ending at least.

This.

It is cheaper than being married.

- been there twice.


Yeah.  For how much my divorce cost me, I could have hired this woman 4 hours a day for a year.  And it would have come without the betrayal or biatching.
 
2014-02-02 04:15:13 PM

monkey_licker: http://www.thesnuggery.org/rates_services.html

And you can snuggle with two at the same.


*OfficeSpaceTwoChicks.jpg*
 
2014-02-02 04:51:57 PM

AngryDragon: Larry Mahnken: I have a friend who does this.  When guys have asked her what would happen if they tried to make more happen, she's told them she'd punch them in the nuts very, very hard.

Does she charge extra for that?


She used to do that.  Apparently there are a lot of dudes who like to have their nuts punched.

Yankees Team Gynecologist: Can you be a good friend to her and help advertise her business by posting a link to a website, preferably with pictures?


She posts on craigslist.

the_vicious_fez: How many hours does your friend put in in a typical week? This sounds like it has the potential to be insanely emotionally draining.


It's not a full-time thing.  She has a regular job.
 
2014-02-02 05:15:56 PM

Larry Mahnken: AngryDragon: Larry Mahnken: I have a friend who does this.  When guys have asked her what would happen if they tried to make more happen, she's told them she'd punch them in the nuts very, very hard.

Does she charge extra for that?

She used to do that.  Apparently there are a lot of dudes who like to have their nuts punched.

Yankees Team Gynecologist: Can you be a good friend to her and help advertise her business by posting a link to a website, preferably with pictures?

She posts on craigslist.

the_vicious_fez: How many hours does your friend put in in a typical week? This sounds like it has the potential to be insanely emotionally draining.

It's not a full-time thing.  She has a regular job.


Your friend is a whore...  You just bought into the sugar coating of it.
 
2014-02-02 05:49:50 PM

theflatline: Larry Mahnken: AngryDragon: Larry Mahnken: I have a friend who does this.  When guys have asked her what would happen if they tried to make more happen, she's told them she'd punch them in the nuts very, very hard.

Does she charge extra for that?

She used to do that.  Apparently there are a lot of dudes who like to have their nuts punched.

Yankees Team Gynecologist: Can you be a good friend to her and help advertise her business by posting a link to a website, preferably with pictures?

She posts on craigslist.

the_vicious_fez: How many hours does your friend put in in a typical week? This sounds like it has the potential to be insanely emotionally draining.

It's not a full-time thing.  She has a regular job.

Your friend is a whore...  You just bought into the sugar coating of it.


Yeah, you don't know farking shiat, you farking moron.
 
2014-02-02 06:01:15 PM

theflatline: Larry Mahnken: AngryDragon: Larry Mahnken: I have a friend who does this.  When guys have asked her what would happen if they tried to make more happen, she's told them she'd punch them in the nuts very, very hard.

Does she charge extra for that?

She used to do that.  Apparently there are a lot of dudes who like to have their nuts punched.

Yankees Team Gynecologist: Can you be a good friend to her and help advertise her business by posting a link to a website, preferably with pictures?

She posts on craigslist.

the_vicious_fez: How many hours does your friend put in in a typical week? This sounds like it has the potential to be insanely emotionally draining.

It's not a full-time thing.  She has a regular job.

Your friend is a whore...  You just bought into the sugar coating of it.


i.imgur.com
 
2014-02-02 06:05:34 PM

shortymac: no it's for real. I want to get him to write a book one of these days.


I don't believe your 70% statistic for one second, largely because it is counterintuitive. Either he made it up, or you made him and it up.
 
2014-02-02 06:09:19 PM

AverageAmericanGuy: EvilEgg: Or you could get a dog.

Over the lifetime of the commitment, it seems like a dog would end up costing you a lot more.


Well, $80 an hour x 24 hours x 365 days = $700,800 per year

I get to retain the exclusive companionship services of my dog all year for a whole lot less than $700k per year, even factoring in his pet insurance. Heck, his food costs me only like $45 per month. That's a month of food for him for 1/2 an hour of this chick's hourly rate. Everything taken all together he costs me less than an hour and a half of her rate per month and I can cuddle with him or just hang out or go places with him as much as I like.

Seems like the dog is the way, way more economical way to go.
 
2014-02-02 06:13:01 PM

AngryDragon: theflatline: Larry Mahnken: AngryDragon: Larry Mahnken: I have a friend who does this.  When guys have asked her what would happen if they tried to make more happen, she's told them she'd punch them in the nuts very, very hard.

Does she charge extra for that?

She used to do that.  Apparently there are a lot of dudes who like to have their nuts punched.

Yankees Team Gynecologist: Can you be a good friend to her and help advertise her business by posting a link to a website, preferably with pictures?

She posts on craigslist.

the_vicious_fez: How many hours does your friend put in in a typical week? This sounds like it has the potential to be insanely emotionally draining.

It's not a full-time thing.  She has a regular job.

Your friend is a whore...  You just bought into the sugar coating of it.

[i.imgur.com image 603x315]


Yeah... but he's probably not wrong.
 
2014-02-02 06:30:29 PM
I have a friend that does something similar.  She charges 200$/hr to "emotionally comfort" men.  Usually by getting farked silly.
 
2014-02-03 12:33:37 AM

mongbiohazard: AverageAmericanGuy: EvilEgg: Or you could get a dog.

Over the lifetime of the commitment, it seems like a dog would end up costing you a lot more.

Well, $80 an hour x 24 hours x 365 days = $700,800 per year

I get to retain the exclusive companionship services of my dog all year for a whole lot less than $700k per year, even factoring in his pet insurance. Heck, his food costs me only like $45 per month. That's a month of food for him for 1/2 an hour of this chick's hourly rate. Everything taken all together he costs me less than an hour and a half of her rate per month and I can cuddle with him or just hang out or go places with him as much as I like.

Seems like the dog is the way, way more economical way to go.


You snuggle your dog 24x7x365? That's creepy and also slightly impossible.

Pet insurance is mostly a scam, FWIW, IMHO, YMMV. Basic rule of thumb IMHO is to never take insurance on something where loss would not be catastrophic. Insurance is always a losing game. You only insure things where loss would be devastating (financially). And yes, I've spent more on pets than I care to think about, because it was the right thing for us to do for our own happiness. Pet insurance would've found a way not to pay (I think, can't be certain, but read your fine print for all the exclusions).
 
2014-02-03 01:43:09 AM
Why do the men on fark find it so hard to believe that sex is not the only physical comfort human beings want or need?  What are people who aren't a relationship supposed to do when they need a cuddle and a back rub?

I can only assume you used to get sexually aroused when cuddling your mother, and therefore can't understand the need for non-sexual physical comfort.
 
2014-02-03 03:41:17 AM

if_i_really_have_to: Why do the men on fark find it so hard to believe that sex is not the only physical comfort human beings want or need?  What are people who aren't a relationship supposed to do when they need a cuddle and a back rub?

I can only assume you used to get sexually aroused when cuddling your mother, and therefore can't understand the need for non-sexual physical comfort.


If you go to the window and look out it, do you see rainbows and unicorns?

HTFU for crying out loud.
 
2014-02-03 08:57:08 AM

if_i_really_have_to: Why do the men on fark find it so hard to believe that sex is not the only physical comfort human beings want or need?  What are people who aren't a relationship supposed to do when they need a cuddle and a back rub?


Suicide is suggested a lot, although I advise against it.

Uhmmm you save some money and pay a masseuse?  No cuddles, but life is unfair and cruel, get used to it.
,
Let me tell you something, I am extremely lonely, but I have faced this fact of life. Unless I have a girlfriend, no cuddles for me too.

Get a hobby, distract yourself, or: Get off the Internet and get yourself a mate.
 
2014-02-03 10:02:27 AM

Jument: mongbiohazard: AverageAmericanGuy: EvilEgg: Or you could get a dog.

Over the lifetime of the commitment, it seems like a dog would end up costing you a lot more.

Well, $80 an hour x 24 hours x 365 days = $700,800 per year

I get to retain the exclusive companionship services of my dog all year for a whole lot less than $700k per year, even factoring in his pet insurance. Heck, his food costs me only like $45 per month. That's a month of food for him for 1/2 an hour of this chick's hourly rate. Everything taken all together he costs me less than an hour and a half of her rate per month and I can cuddle with him or just hang out or go places with him as much as I like.

Seems like the dog is the way, way more economical way to go.

You snuggle your dog 24x7x365? That's creepy and also slightly impossible.

Pet insurance is mostly a scam, FWIW, IMHO, YMMV. Basic rule of thumb IMHO is to never take insurance on something where loss would not be catastrophic. Insurance is always a losing game. You only insure things where loss would be devastating (financially). And yes, I've spent more on pets than I care to think about, because it was the right thing for us to do for our own happiness. Pet insurance would've found a way not to pay (I think, can't be certain, but read your fine print for all the exclusions).


Compounding interest, baby!
 
2014-02-03 10:03:19 AM

if_i_really_have_to: Why do the men on fark find it so hard to believe that sex is not the only physical comfort human beings want or need?  What are people who aren't a relationship supposed to do when they need a cuddle and a back rub?

I can only assume you used to get sexually aroused when cuddling your mother, and therefore can't understand the need for non-sexual physical comfort.


Translation; I can't think of any other thing but my mommy and sex.
 
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