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(Some Guy)   Dear Dan: Squirrels climb onto my bird feeder, eating like limber little pigs. How might I make peace with them? Dear guy: why don't you start calling the contraption a "squirrel and bird feeder"? With this new framing, your problems should go away   (danariely.com) divider line 71
    More: Amusing, bird feeders, eating  
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4502 clicks; posted to Main » on 02 Feb 2014 at 9:16 AM (51 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



71 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-02-02 09:19:18 AM  
So, an inverted plastic dome about 12 inches wide doesn't work?
 
2014-02-02 09:20:34 AM  
Twirl-a-Squirrel is effective and entertaining.
 
2014-02-02 09:20:53 AM  
You have a problem with too many squirrels on your property?  That's like having too much bacon in your refrigerator, but you didn't have to pay for it.  My advice, oven roasted.
 
2014-02-02 09:21:19 AM  
The Hershey Highway is not a one-way street anymore!
 
2014-02-02 09:21:29 AM  
Call your accomplishments goals and you'll never fail.
 
2014-02-02 09:24:20 AM  
It's called a bb gun and they taste good.
 
2014-02-02 09:25:24 AM  
Squirrels make a mighty fine gumbo. Think of it as farming.

/all animals were welcome to the food in my garden until we got Demon Murder Cat.
 
2014-02-02 09:27:56 AM  
Gopher Everett?
 
2014-02-02 09:29:16 AM  

bestie1: It's called a bb gun and they taste good.


i178.photobucket.com
 
2014-02-02 09:29:49 AM  
One of my aunts just feeds the squirrels too.

What happens is the squirrels eat the seeds in the feeder and the birds eat the seeds and nuts on the ground.   She's okay with that.

What she is NOT okay with are the hawks that started coming around a few years ago.  She didn't like it when she brought it up and I pointed out that, by concentrating a lot of birds and squirrels in her backyard, she set up a convenient hawk feeder.
 
2014-02-02 09:31:18 AM  
Some Coke Drinking Guy and Bestie1 beat me to the punch./f'in tree rats.//do NOT mess with my tufted tit mouses.
 
2014-02-02 09:31:33 AM  
Or you could, yaknow, put out some corn cobs for the tree rodents to distract them from your birdseed.
 
2014-02-02 09:34:19 AM  
I bought a couple live traps yesterday for that reason. $25 for 2 at TSC. Put a couple dried corn cobs around and inside. Hopefully I'll be dropping off a few squirrels down the road in a few days.

I have no problem with killing rodents, I just can't guarantee a clean kill with a pellet gun. And I don't have a pellet gun, the traps were a little cheaper.
 
2014-02-02 09:37:17 AM  
Rodents, the lot of them. Delicious ones too, or so the friend I give them to swears. I use a .22, but I also live out of town... If you live in town, "make peace" with something from here: http://www.airgundepot.com/popular-airguns.html
 
2014-02-02 09:38:39 AM  
Rodents, the lot of them. If in town use a .177, if in the country use a .22. Give to a friend to skin and eat. Rodent problem solved. (he swears they're delicious)
 
2014-02-02 09:41:24 AM  
Baffles work pretty well, and be sure to position the feeders well away from anywhere the squirrels can jump from (trees, outbuildings etc).

Putting out special food 'just for the squirrels' doesn't work - the little buggers scarf up everything.

Trapping and moving squirrels elsewhere, apart from being illegal, isn't effective either.
 
2014-02-02 09:41:43 AM  
Birds don't like D-Con.
 
2014-02-02 09:50:58 AM  
My bro-in-law had a bird feeder hanging outside the window of his den, where he watches TV.  He saw that a squirrel had learned to climb a nearby tree, leap to the feeder, then leap back. So he rigged a cord on a pulley to the feeder, in order to yank the feeder back toward the house, from inside.

Then he waited for the squirrel to jump over, and pulled the cord while it was in mid-air. And the squirrel ate bricks, instead of birdseed.  Not the ideal solution, but the funniest one I've heard.
 
2014-02-02 09:51:06 AM  
I watched a program on discovery or NOVA years ago about squirrels and they had a team of engineers try and make a squirrel proof bird feeder. Eventually the engineers gave up and decided to see how complicated an obstacle course they could get the damn things to run through.

/Very entertaining show.
 
2014-02-02 09:57:09 AM  
My birdfeeder is on a light metal pole. Can't climb it and jumping to it is a bad idea. Strong enough to hold a bunch of birds, weak enough to slingshot a jumping squirrel across the yard.
 
2014-02-02 09:58:18 AM  

SoupJohnB: My bro-in-law had a bird feeder hanging outside the window of his den, where he watches TV.  He saw that a squirrel had learned to climb a nearby tree, leap to the feeder, then leap back. So he rigged a cord on a pulley to the feeder, in order to yank the feeder back toward the house, from inside.

Then he waited for the squirrel to jump over, and pulled the cord while it was in mid-air. And the squirrel ate bricks, instead of birdseed.  Not the ideal solution, but the funniest one I've heard.


www.beheadingboredom.com
 
2014-02-02 10:00:01 AM  
Put hot peppers, or at least their seeds, in the bird feeder. They don't affect birds, but will teach rodents who's boss.
 
2014-02-02 10:02:38 AM  

uncoveror: Put hot peppers, or at least their seeds, in the bird feeder. They don't affect birds, but will teach rodents who's boss.


That only attracts record numbers of invading Mexican squirrels.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2014-02-02 10:04:13 AM  
AbiNormal

You are probably thinking of "Daylight Robbery", a 1991 BBC documentary.
 
2014-02-02 10:05:13 AM  

ZAZ: AbiNormal

You are probably thinking of "Daylight Robbery", a 1991 BBC documentary.


That's the one.
 
2014-02-02 10:10:51 AM  

Mister Peejay: One of my aunts just feeds the squirrels too.

What happens is the squirrels eat the seeds in the feeder and the birds eat the seeds and nuts on the ground.   She's okay with that.

What she is NOT okay with are the hawks that started coming around a few years ago.  She didn't like it when she brought it up and I pointed out that, by concentrating a lot of birds and squirrels in her backyard, she set up a convenient hawk feeder.


I like the sight of hawks.  It means they are clearing the field behind me of mice, which means no mice in my house once the weather turns cold.  If the mice do get in, I have a cat waiting, just waiting for a mouse.
 
2014-02-02 10:12:52 AM  
I'd rather have squirrels around than birds.
 
2014-02-02 10:13:49 AM  

Some Coke Drinking Guy: You have a problem with too many squirrels on your property?  That's like having too much bacon in your refrigerator, but you didn't have to pay for it.  My advice, oven roasted.


I am sure people would love the sight of me with the .22 shooting squirrel.  In this neighborhood it could be pulled off.  I have trapped a bunch of them.

Now the girl friend's house is another story. It's in the country and there are fewer squirrels.  Out there I have been at odds with the chipmunks who have destroyed so much.  the .22 and the .22 "rat shot" has works very well.  that "rat shot"  works and it doesn't make a mess of the rodents.  Dropped every one of them like a stone and only had a few that bled more than a few drops.  The shot it self doesn't damage much else and it isn't effective beyond 20 feet.
 
2014-02-02 10:15:08 AM  
How is the financing in this, bird seeds are cheaper pr. kg than squirrel meat ?
 
2014-02-02 10:15:39 AM  
Wah. Animals live on the planet with me.Sniff
 
2014-02-02 10:16:36 AM  

Ebenator: This popped up on my newsfeed this morning.  Poor little fella:
[img.photobucket.com image 450x479]


Another farker that needs a refill on his medication.
 
2014-02-02 10:35:22 AM  

Tillmaster: Trapping and moving squirrels elsewhere, apart from being illegal, isn't effective either.


No idea of the legality, however I can attest to the effectiveness.  I trapped and relocated 13 squirrels in two weeks from my yard a few years ago.  They were destroying my garden. The key is, you have to get them far enough away.  There were multiple big parks 7-10 miles away in my town.  The squirrels did not return that year, or the next.  The third year after, I did finally see one or two again.  Not bad for a $40 live trap and some peanut butter.
 
2014-02-02 10:36:24 AM  
My theory: When people own property and/or have 'lawns' they turn mental.
They'll happily hurt animals because said animals bother them in some trivial way and will give the animals monikers like 'tree rat' or 'vermin' to assuage their consciences.
It's as if they feel they're living in the Old West and those gul dern injuns, oops - I mean squirrels, are coming to take away their hard-earned life.
There exists a desire to dominate Nature to present a perfect pretty picture. When one starts hurting animals in order to preserve it then perhaps one should reevaluate a few things in their life.
So a squirell ate some bird seed and now you're gonna maim it or put it's eye out? Yes, I saw you jump for joy when you heard lead hit fur. Sick.
 
2014-02-02 10:45:43 AM  

NutWrench: Twirl-a-Squirrel is effective and entertaining.


HELP! JANE! STOP THIS CRAZY THING!!!!!
 
2014-02-02 10:46:44 AM  

Porous Horace: My theory: When people own property and/or have 'lawns' they turn mental.


I'm good with them being outside.  When they get into my attic and chew up my book collection, I'm sorry but those farkers gonna die.
 
2014-02-02 10:47:49 AM  

Mister Peejay: One of my aunts just feeds the squirrels too.

What happens is the squirrels eat the seeds in the feeder and the birds eat the seeds and nuts on the ground.   She's okay with that.

What she is NOT okay with are the hawks that started coming around a few years ago.  She didn't like it when she brought it up and I pointed out that, by concentrating a lot of birds and squirrels in her backyard, she set up a convenient hawk feeder.


I feed birds in my backyard and it's now a cat hangout too. The other day I was watching the birds and they suddenly scattered, a couple of them flying in a panic into my windows. One second later this hawk comes swooping in, and crashing thru the shrub where a bunch of the birds had gone to hide. Very dramatic, and I'm happy to say the hawk failed to catch any. I'm thinking of putting a canopy over the feeder so it doesn't look so much like a hawk buffet.
 
2014-02-02 10:52:04 AM  
We just live trap them and release out of town.

But, as mentioned earlier, people say they are good eatin'.
 
2014-02-02 11:01:17 AM  

jjorsett: Very dramatic, and I'm happy to say the hawk failed to catch any. I'm thinking of putting a canopy over the feeder so it doesn't look so much like a hawk buffet.


Hawks need to eat too, and there's less of them.  I'd think it was pretty neat if I attracted a hawk to my feeder.  I mean really, we have enough sparrows and squirrels to go around.
 
2014-02-02 11:03:59 AM  

Porous Horace: My theory: When people own property and/or have 'lawns' they turn mental.
They'll happily hurt animals because said animals bother them in some trivial way and will give the animals monikers like 'tree rat' or 'vermin' to assuage their consciences.
It's as if they feel they're living in the Old West and those gul dern injuns, oops - I mean squirrels, are coming to take away their hard-earned life.
There exists a desire to dominate Nature to present a perfect pretty picture. When one starts hurting animals in order to preserve it then perhaps one should reevaluate a few things in their life.
So a squirell ate some bird seed and now you're gonna maim it or put it's eye out? Yes, I saw you jump for joy when you heard lead hit fur. Sick.


It's good to be absolute monarch of your 10x12 plot. Like Herod in Quick in the Dead, no one lives or dies on your property unless you allow it.
 
2014-02-02 11:07:17 AM  
By relocating them away from their food storage you are simply providing them via a slow starvation death away from your property.

/nttawwt
 
2014-02-02 11:24:49 AM  
Can we just have fun with the little ninja bastards? Set up squirrel obsticle courses?
 
2014-02-02 11:56:39 AM  
If only there were some sort of solution to pests.

www.thedailysheeple.com
 
2014-02-02 12:05:20 PM  
Squirrels? This is how you make peace with them....

images.gunstar.co.uk
+
www.zona-libre.com.ve
+
ecx.images-amazon.com
= nice, peaceful squirrels afterward.
 
2014-02-02 12:07:45 PM  
Just get the fur-bearin' varmints their own feeder.

mcphee.com
 
2014-02-02 12:08:59 PM  

NutWrench: Twirl-a-Squirrel is effective and entertaining.


Have got to get one of those.
 
2014-02-02 12:16:47 PM  

Porous Horace: My theory: When people own property and/or have 'lawns' they turn mental.
They'll happily hurt animals because said animals bother them in some trivial way and will give the animals monikers like 'tree rat' or 'vermin' to assuage their consciences.


Chewing through my roof and making nests in my attic is not trivial.

Raising families in the insulation of my cellar and defecating on every surface in my basement is not trivial.

Ruining every fruit and vegetable in my garden is not trivial.

Spreading disease and excrement where my kids play is not trivial.

Go hug a rat someplace else, you filthy hippie.
 
2014-02-02 12:21:05 PM  

ReverendJasen: Tillmaster: Trapping and moving squirrels elsewhere, apart from being illegal, isn't effective either.

No idea of the legality, however I can attest to the effectiveness.  I trapped and relocated 13 squirrels in two weeks from my yard a few years ago.  They were destroying my garden. The key is, you have to get them far enough away.  There were multiple big parks 7-10 miles away in my town.  The squirrels did not return that year, or the next.  The third year after, I did finally see one or two again.  Not bad for a $40 live trap and some peanut butter.


If you get rid of the squirrels then who will defend us from Godzilla?
spacebison.com
 
2014-02-02 12:22:31 PM  

Mister Peejay: Porous Horace: My theory: When people own property and/or have 'lawns' they turn mental.

I'm good with them being outside.  When they get into my attic and chew up my book collection, I'm sorry but those farkers gonna die.


thats my opinion. when they get into the pantry and eat all of the bread and crackers, thats the line. also, i can't figure out how to trap them. the have a heart traps are useless, so shooting (or beating them to death with a brass rod in one memorable evening) seems to be the only way to deal with them
 
2014-02-02 12:54:22 PM  

tlchwi02: Mister Peejay: Porous Horace: My theory: When people own property and/or have 'lawns' they turn mental.

I'm good with them being outside.  When they get into my attic and chew up my book collection, I'm sorry but those farkers gonna die.

thats my opinion. when they get into the pantry and eat all of the bread and crackers, thats the line. also, i can't figure out how to trap them. the have a heart traps are useless, so shooting (or beating them to death with a brass rod in one memorable evening) seems to be the only way to deal with them


Where do you people live? Ive never had a squirrel get into my place ever, and I live in the stix.
 
2014-02-02 01:13:20 PM  

uncoveror: Put hot peppers, or at least their seeds, in the bird feeder. They don't affect birds, but will teach rodents who's boss.


My mother came home with some product like that yesterday... 1 TBSP into 1 lb of bird feed... Birds I guess cannot taste hot chillies but the squirrels can and don't like it.
 
2014-02-02 01:38:26 PM  
meh - birds and squirrels share equal access in my yard - we also have racoons, possums, etc - its an "eat and let eat" solution.  the hawk that has appeared here since last month seems most attracted to the pond (and the fish in it)

for all the wildlife here I've never had anything nest/destroy inside the house - had a land crab come in after a hard rain, a squirrel fall down the chimney (now capped), and a "herd" of peacocks saunter into the open garage - but, if your house is letting in critters when it is closed, you are letting out money.
 
2014-02-02 01:51:39 PM  
A friend of mine has a problem with a moose raiding her bird feeder. She posted a picture of it on FB awhile back. Guess to a moose, a bird feeders worth of seed is like a candy bar.
 
2014-02-02 02:01:38 PM  

NutWrench: Twirl-a-Squirrel is effective and entertaining.


i.imgur.com
 
2014-02-02 02:30:23 PM  

fireclown: tlchwi02: Mister Peejay: Porous Horace: My theory: When people own property and/or have 'lawns' they turn mental.

I'm good with them being outside.  When they get into my attic and chew up my book collection, I'm sorry but those farkers gonna die.

thats my opinion. when they get into the pantry and eat all of the bread and crackers, thats the line. also, i can't figure out how to trap them. the have a heart traps are useless, so shooting (or beating them to death with a brass rod in one memorable evening) seems to be the only way to deal with them

Where do you people live? Ive never had a squirrel get into my place ever, and I live in the stix.


upstate ny when i had the brass rod incident, then had them in a basement in the suburbs of boston. didn't have to kill them in boston because i luckily figured out where they were getting in, chased them out and sealed the hole. the new york house i couldn't stop them getting in, never found the hole. periodically had to kill the ones that got inside, but there'd be 20+ outside under the feeders at any given time so it was hardly a loss.
 
2014-02-02 02:39:13 PM  

AbiNormal: SoupJohnB: My bro-in-law had a bird feeder hanging outside the window of his den, where he watches TV.  He saw that a squirrel had learned to climb a nearby tree, leap to the feeder, then leap back. So he rigged a cord on a pulley to the feeder, in order to yank the feeder back toward the house, from inside.

Then he waited for the squirrel to jump over, and pulled the cord while it was in mid-air. And the squirrel ate bricks, instead of birdseed.  Not the ideal solution, but the funniest one I've heard.

[www.beheadingboredom.com image 322x241]


Am I the only one who noticed the Siamese cat coming up to the door, then running like Hell?
 
2014-02-02 02:45:38 PM  
I had some squirrels invade my dryer exhaust and set up shop inside an alcove.  For a while I used to shoot them with a pellet gun but it isn't usually a quick death.

Now I just hardly ever fill up the bird feeders and let them have their way.  Apparently our yard has enough worms and insects and bushy cover that the birds still like it here.
 
2014-02-02 02:52:41 PM  

ttc2301: AbiNormal: SoupJohnB: My bro-in-law had a bird feeder hanging outside the window of his den, where he watches TV.  He saw that a squirrel had learned to climb a nearby tree, leap to the feeder, then leap back. So he rigged a cord on a pulley to the feeder, in order to yank the feeder back toward the house, from inside.

Then he waited for the squirrel to jump over, and pulled the cord while it was in mid-air. And the squirrel ate bricks, instead of birdseed.  Not the ideal solution, but the funniest one I've heard.

[www.beheadingboredom.com image 322x241]

Am I the only one who noticed the Siamese cat coming up to the door, then running like Hell?


All I see is a hand with a pair of scissors setting off the trap.
 
2014-02-02 02:58:55 PM  

tlchwi02: fireclown:
Where do you people live? Ive never had a squirrel get into my place ever, and I live in the stix.

upstate ny when i had the brass rod incident, then had them in a basement in the suburbs of boston. didn't have to kill them in boston because i luckily figured out where they were getting in, chased them out and sealed the hole. the new york house i couldn't stop them getting in, never found the hole. periodically had to kill the ones that got inside, but there'd be 20+ outside under the feeders at any given time so it was hardly a loss.


Cleveland.  Squirrels are everywhere.

One of my friends found that a paintball marker would stun a squirrel at 20 feet.  Stun, bag, deposit somewhere else.
 
2014-02-02 04:17:24 PM  
Squirrels are really good at solving puzzles. They will defeat any anti-squirrel device in a matter of days through trial and error. They have tiny brains but they use the tiny bit they've got to do remarkable things, just like birds or rats (which are not all that closely related to them, appearances aside). Consider how dumb the people you know are and then watch a squirrel. It's not the size, it's how you use it.

My Father has tried several anti-squirrel devices but they always figure out a way to defeat them: anti-rat  cones on polls, hanging bird feeders from tiny branches, you name it, they work around it. Even if they fail, the birds drop a lot of seeds and suet. They can feed on the ground.

If they aren't in your attic chewing your electric wires and nesting in your old comic books, you might as well put out food for them and enjoy watching them.
 
2014-02-02 04:48:47 PM  

parasol: meh - birds and squirrels share equal access in my yard - we also have racoons, possums, etc - its an "eat and let eat" solution.  the hawk that has appeared here since last month seems most attracted to the pond (and the fish in it)

for all the wildlife here I've never had anything nest/destroy inside the house - had a land crab come in after a hard rain, a squirrel fall down the chimney (now capped), and a "herd" of peacocks saunter into the open garage - but, if your house is letting in critters when it is closed, you are letting out money.


Basically the same here, and the only invader I've had was a tiny snake.
 
2014-02-02 04:59:33 PM  

Relatively Obscure: parasol: meh - birds and squirrels share equal access in my yard - we also have racoons, possums, etc - its an "eat and let eat" solution.  the hawk that has appeared here since last month seems most attracted to the pond (and the fish in it)

for all the wildlife here I've never had anything nest/destroy inside the house - had a land crab come in after a hard rain, a squirrel fall down the chimney (now capped), and a "herd" of peacocks saunter into the open garage - but, if your house is letting in critters when it is closed, you are letting out money.

Basically the same here, and the only invader I've had was a tiny snake.


The more natural habitat the animals have to live in the less likely they are to want to move into your smelly old place.  Live in the burbs near a city and they will pay you a visit sooner or later.
 
2014-02-02 06:39:06 PM  
I don't get the squirrel hate. I think they're cute. Watching our midget dog chase them and their screwing with him is pretty entertaining. As long as they nest in the trees and not in my house, we're good. They raid the bird feeders, but we make sure the birds are fes. Don't care for raccoons our recycling bins attract. Simply because I know they'll rip the midget dog to pieces instead of running from him. Our city in the process of changing the smaller bins to large, covered bins and I'm hoping that deters the vicious bandits.
 
2014-02-02 07:28:21 PM  

lewismarktwo: ttc2301: AbiNormal: SoupJohnB: My bro-in-law had a bird feeder hanging outside the window of his den, where he watches TV.  He saw that a squirrel had learned to climb a nearby tree, leap to the feeder, then leap back. So he rigged a cord on a pulley to the feeder, in order to yank the feeder back toward the house, from inside.

Then he waited for the squirrel to jump over, and pulled the cord while it was in mid-air. And the squirrel ate bricks, instead of birdseed.  Not the ideal solution, but the funniest one I've heard.

[www.beheadingboredom.com image 322x241]

Am I the only one who noticed the Siamese cat coming up to the door, then running like Hell?

All I see is a hand with a pair of scissors setting off the trap.


Inside.
 
2014-02-02 07:40:32 PM  

lewismarktwo: The more natural habitat the animals have to live in the less likely they are to want to move into your smelly old place. Live in the burbs near a city and they will pay you a visit sooner or later.


Hey!  My place isn't that old!
 
2014-02-02 08:55:26 PM  
Ever grow your own vegetables? You'll find them less cute.

They dig up everything and fill your soil with nuts.

We're trying the garbage can trick this summer. I won't kill them, but I'll gladly drive them to the edge of town.
 
2014-02-02 09:12:19 PM  

Relatively Obscure: lewismarktwo: The more natural habitat the animals have to live in the less likely they are to want to move into your smelly old place. Live in the burbs near a city and they will pay you a visit sooner or later.

Hey!  My place isn't that old!


mine is - pretty sure it isn't smelly - and I live in one of the five largest cities in the country - we do have trees, tho
 
2014-02-02 09:34:25 PM  

parasol: Relatively Obscure: lewismarktwo: The more natural habitat the animals have to live in the less likely they are to want to move into your smelly old place. Live in the burbs near a city and they will pay you a visit sooner or later.

Hey!  My place isn't that old!

mine is - pretty sure it isn't smelly - and I live in one of the five largest cities in the country - we do have trees, tho


You've had squirrels, racoons, possums, hawks attracted to the pond (and the fish in it), land crabs AND a "herd" of peacocks and you live IN one of the five largest cities in the country...  Yeah, OK.  If you say so.
 
2014-02-02 09:51:24 PM  
Hawks moved in to our backyard and the squirrels disappeared. Hawks are awesome!
 
2014-02-02 09:55:02 PM  
I have a perfectly squirrel proof setup at my house. set up a clothesline type line with a small pulley, using 120 + lb monofiliment. Use crimps to attach 5+ foot drops of 50 lb mono, with small open s hooks. Hang feeders, pull clothesline tight. No squirrels ever
 
2014-02-02 10:12:20 PM  

lewismarktwo: parasol: Relatively Obscure: lewismarktwo: The more natural habitat the animals have to live in the less likely they are to want to move into your smelly old place. Live in the burbs near a city and they will pay you a visit sooner or later.

Hey!  My place isn't that old!

mine is - pretty sure it isn't smelly - and I live in one of the five largest cities in the country - we do have trees, tho

You've had squirrels, racoons, possums, hawks attracted to the pond (and the fish in it), land crabs AND a "herd" of peacocks and you live IN one of the five largest cities in the country...  Yeah, OK.  If you say so.


yup - i do - if it helps? the city is Miami - sub tropical and all that
 
2014-02-02 10:39:17 PM  
The amount of effort that goes in to being able to say you've outsmarted a squirrel is astounding.
 
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