Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Politico)   Confessions of a former TSA screener: Yes, we were laughing at your junk   (politico.com ) divider line
    More: Obvious, TSA, Chicago O'Hare, tsa employees, Abdulmutallab, Admonition, female passenger  
•       •       •

12704 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Jan 2014 at 3:59 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


Archived thread
2014-01-31 04:54:12 PM  
5 votes:
I'm a fairly party-line Democrat. But if a REAL Libertarian candidate stepped up and said, "Day 1 of my presidency, we shut down the TSA and throw that $10 billion at the national debt," I would vote for him on the spot.
2014-01-31 04:02:16 PM  
5 votes:
That's okay, we were laughing at his limited career prospects.
2014-01-31 04:04:39 PM  
3 votes:
Yeah, we'll all be laughing when they shut the TSA down.
Every TSA agent that gets caught breaking the law and goes to prison is a grain of sand compared to the shaitheads that installed them.
2014-01-31 05:14:38 PM  
2 votes:

LessO2: As someone who has traveled too much in the past 20 years, this is probably the most refreshing and accurate account of a "security" checkpoint.

This country will be a lot better off when it realizes we can't be safe 100% of the time and politicians realize the TSA is there just to bloat itself and keep the money flowing.

2014-01-31 05:04:36 PM  
2 votes:

Rug Doctor: I just want to know: Who is the guy who signed the document where we decided to trust a bunch of untrained junior college guys with Tasers and a boobie machine?


That would be George W. Bush.
2014-01-31 05:02:04 PM  
2 votes:
I just want to know: Who is the guy who signed the document where we decided to trust a bunch of untrained junior college guys with Tasers and a boobie machine?

I mean, I have a lot of fiscal and sociological complaints about the TSA, but I think that basic problem is one that should have given everyone pause.
2014-01-31 04:47:14 PM  
2 votes:
As someone who has traveled too much in the past 20 years, this is probably the most refreshing and accurate account of a "security" checkpoint.

This country will be a lot better off when it realizes we can't be safe 100% of the time and politicians realize the TSA is there just to bloat itself and keep the money flowing.
2014-01-31 04:23:58 PM  
2 votes:
You have to set your sights a bit higher than the TSA.
Unelect the puds that keep the TSA wasting your money.
2014-01-31 04:22:14 PM  
2 votes:
FTA We knew the full-body scanners didn't work before they were even installed. Not long after the Underwear Bomber incident, all TSA officers at O'Hare were informed that training for the Rapiscan Systems full-body scanners would soon begin. The machines cost about $150,000 a pop.

Our instructor was a balding middle-aged man who shrugged his shoulders after everything he said, as though in apology. At the conclusion of our crash course, one of the officers in our class asked him to tell us, off the record, what he really thought about the machines.

"They're shiat," he said, shrugging. He said we wouldn't be able to distinguish plastic explosives from body fat and that guns were practically invisible if they were turned sideways in a pocket.
We quickly found out the trainer was not kidding: Officers discovered that the machines were good at detecting just about everything besides cleverly hidden explosives and guns. The only thing more absurd than how poorly the full-body scanners performed was the incredible amount of time the machines wasted for everyone.



They were very profitable for Michael Chertoff, the man who ordered their implementation as head of the TSA, and that's what matters.
2014-01-31 04:10:13 PM  
2 votes:
Seriously, as I guy, I don't get this 'laugh at it when soft' bit.   Unless you are 15 year old, you don't walk around with a perma-boner, so everything will be in its much smaller 'resting state'.  Standing in a security line isn't exactly a 'turn on'....
2014-01-31 04:04:10 PM  
2 votes:
I have ALWAYS opted out. Never been through a scanner...
2014-01-31 08:48:06 PM  
1 vote:
Unless I need to cross an ocean Im not getting on a mutha farking plane. fark da man and fark his need to see my papers.
2014-01-31 07:30:58 PM  
1 vote:
In hospitals we need to calibrate the machines daily.

Guess how often it was done at the airports.
Less
no, less than that,
If you guessed any number that can be less, you are not there yet.

But then again I wouldn't want anyone from the TSA calibrating the machines anyway
2014-01-31 06:57:26 PM  
1 vote:
cookiefleck:

sybaris: I opt out and, while getting my federally-sponsored feel-up, stand there and sing the Schoolhouse Rock version of The Preamble.

I'M JUST A DILL, YEAH I'M ONLY A DILL


Hey Dill! Now you're a slaw!
2014-01-31 06:49:00 PM  
1 vote:
OnlyM3

Federal job for life, no chance of being fired, all the free stuff he can steal from American travelers, DNC defending every groping sexual offense. What a deal for these perverts.

This from a guy who voted twice for Bush II and once for Romney, as well as a GOP congress.

In other words, he made this happen and is now cranky about it.
So sorry, kiddo.
2014-01-31 05:58:45 PM  
1 vote:
It's not them seeing my lack of boner that bothers me, its the  presenceof their boners when a woman goes through that bothers me.
2014-01-31 05:26:57 PM  
1 vote:

ArtosRC: That was an entertaining (if not outright terrifying) read. 

The LAX event showed that you don't even need to enter the plane to cause harm. Security theater, plain and simple.


I'm kind of surprised that some Islamic terrorist hasn't shot up one of those mega-churches yet.  Or, heck, a shopping mall.  Can't quite get the "500 people dying in a flaming tin can falling from the sky" effect that a plane bombing has, but one could take out a couple dozen people, more so if there were multiple shooters or used explosives.

I think I've decided that the number of actual Islamic terrorists currently in the country is a number extremely close to zero.
2014-01-31 05:24:33 PM  
1 vote:

bigdanc: that's okay, I'm laughing at your 138 dollar an hour job

2014-01-31 05:10:55 PM  
1 vote:

ArtosRC: That was an entertaining (if not outright terrifying) read.

The LAX event showed that you don't even need to enter the plane to cause harm. Security theater, plain and simple.


I've been shrieking this since 2001. The security lines are perfect choke points that, at many airports, contain more targets than a 737. It's a bomber's wet dream.

This is why I am 100 percent certain the TSA is bullshiat. If it was really designed to protect people, they never would allow those big masses of civilians with nowhere to run.
2014-01-31 04:49:51 PM  
1 vote:

TinyFist: Had to do the old slyly tuck it up under the belt trick


Looking at the women in target usually solves that for me. (belt trick hurts, and it ruins my shirt.... and my hat [just kidding])
2014-01-31 04:49:49 PM  
1 vote:
These people should consider themselves lucky that I bother to wear pants to the airport.
2014-01-31 04:49:42 PM  
1 vote:
"HA! Jokes on you" - Ken Doll
2014-01-31 04:30:54 PM  
1 vote:
I'm not clicking through 4 pages.
2014-01-31 04:18:40 PM  
1 vote:
Syria, Algeria, Afghanistan
Iraq, Iran, Yemen
and Cuba,
Lebanon-Libya, Somalia-Sudan
People's Republic of North Korea.


Anyone else try to sing the to Yakko's World?

/United States, Canada, Mexico, Panama
//Haiti, Jamaica, Peru
2014-01-31 04:12:29 PM  
1 vote:

ObscureNameHere: Seriously, as I guy, I don't get this 'laugh at it when soft' bit.   Unless you are 15 year old, you don't walk around with a perma-boner, so everything will be in its much smaller 'resting state'.  Standing in a security line isn't exactly a 'turn on'....


Depends on if you're a grower or a shower.
2014-01-31 04:11:46 PM  
1 vote:

ObscureNameHere: Seriously, as I guy, I don't get this 'laugh at it when soft' bit.   Unless you are 15 year old, you don't walk around with a perma-boner, so everything will be in its much smaller 'resting state'.  Standing in a security line isn't exactly a 'turn on'....


I pop viagra before every flight and request to get a hand pat down in lieu of the body scanners
2014-01-31 04:05:34 PM  
1 vote:
Of course, now I'm in PreChek, so I'm travelling like it's 1999....
2014-01-31 04:01:55 PM  
1 vote:
IT WAS F*CKING COLD!!!
 
Displayed 28 of 28 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter






In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report