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(Politico)   Confessions of a former TSA screener: Yes, we were laughing at your junk   (politico.com) divider line 136
    More: Obvious, TSA, Chicago O'Hare, tsa employees, Abdulmutallab, Admonition, female passenger  
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12670 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Jan 2014 at 3:59 PM (29 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-01-31 07:30:58 PM
In hospitals we need to calibrate the machines daily.

Guess how often it was done at the airports.
Less
no, less than that,
If you guessed any number that can be less, you are not there yet.

But then again I wouldn't want anyone from the TSA calibrating the machines anyway
 
2014-01-31 07:41:15 PM
K.B.O. Winston:

James10952001: It's the principal of the matter that bugs me, and having to make sure I leave my tiny keychain pocket knife at home.

If you ever see Penn & Teller's show they have a copy of the Bill of Rights you can buy that's printed on metal. That way, when you fly, you can literally be told you have to hand over your rights to be allowed on the flight.

/ah, security theater


Well, yes, it is in fact pure theatre. Here's the thing though... If you don't react to shoe or underwear bombers, you lose your seat in Congress.

Anyone with a bit of imagination and technical ability can come up with umpteen ways to thwart airport security... But that's not the point.That's not the point at all.
 
2014-01-31 07:41:33 PM

BullBearMS: generallyso: FTA We knew the full-body scanners didn't work before they were even installed. Not long after the Underwear Bomber incident, all TSA officers at O'Hare were informed that training for the Rapiscan Systems full-body scanners would soon begin. The machines cost about $150,000 a pop.

Our instructor was a balding middle-aged man who shrugged his shoulders after everything he said, as though in apology. At the conclusion of our crash course, one of the officers in our class asked him to tell us, off the record, what he really thought about the machines.

"They're shiat," he said, shrugging. He said we wouldn't be able to distinguish plastic explosives from body fat and that guns were practically invisible if they were turned sideways in a pocket.
We quickly found out the trainer was not kidding: Officers discovered that the machines were good at detecting just about everything besides cleverly hidden explosives and guns. The only thing more absurd than how poorly the full-body scanners performed was the incredible amount of time the machines wasted for everyone.


They were very profitable for Michael Chertoff, the man who ordered their implementation as head of the TSA, and that's what matters.

The guy who wasn't in charge of the TSA anymore can issue orders to it?

Sorry, but those scanners were purchased as part of the "stimulus".

It stimulated the pockets of Washington insiders, yes, but it was on the Democrats dime. Did they even get a single Republican vote for that?

However the president of the company who make the Rape-i-scanners did get selected to ride on Air Force One for Obama's trip to India, so I buying off both teams really pays off.


My heart sank when I saw a photo of Obama shaking that Indian dude's hands.  We were proceeding full steam ahead with the TSA idiocy.
 
2014-01-31 07:44:57 PM
It's a small price to pay for not having any more terror attacks on US soil. The terrorist repelling rock was such an eyesore.
 
2014-01-31 07:46:00 PM

James10952001: I've found that being super polite to the TSA agents works wonders. They know everyone hates them, most of them hate their jobs. Being polite usually catches them totally off guard and you can get away with practically anything. I do make a point of flipping the bird any time I go through the body scanner though.

I don't give a shiat if some mall cop gets a look at my junk. It's the principal of the matter that bugs me, and having to make sure I leave my tiny keychain pocket knife at home.


I've found you can bring anything you want if you attach it to your keychain.  I've gone through the airport numerous times with my knife on the keychain, even before they started letting you take smaller things again.
 
2014-01-31 07:48:32 PM

jnapier: In hospitals we need to calibrate the machines daily.

Guess how often it was done at the airports.
Less
no, less than that,
If you guessed any number that can be less, you are not there yet.

But then again I wouldn't want anyone from the TSA calibrating the machines anyway


This, and medical x-rays are "hardened" by shooting them through aluminum, so the lower-order ones don't interact as much with soft tissue.

These are "low energy x-rays", which do interact with soft tissue. That interaction causes damage. It's probably no worse than some time in the sun, but again, it's not risk-free.

/has had a radiation burn before.
//meh, what else is new?
 
2014-01-31 07:53:47 PM
there's an easy way to get stuff into the secured area: Be a contractor. They'll ferry all of it in for you, and there's no inventory taken when you leave. Hell, you just lug your tools through the terminal and onto the shuttle and walk out.

Sure, you need to get a background check to do that, and it takes a bit of setting up, but you could easily pass the stuff along to whomever you wanted in the can.

It's not at all out of the range of a multinational terrorist organization.

hold on, someone's at the door. I don't remember ordering pizz§•e@.

NO CARRIER
 
2014-01-31 07:57:34 PM

Random Anonymous Blackmail: Guys, wear a strap on when going through the line and see how they react.


but wear it backwards
 
2014-01-31 08:04:28 PM

MBrady: Random Anonymous Blackmail: Guys, wear a strap on when going through the line and see how they react.

but wear it backwards


now, that's creative, and will in no way attract attention.
 
2014-01-31 08:11:24 PM
Don't laugh at the travelers Lard Boy. Is there even a penis in there? Can you find it with both hands? You might want to think about becoming a marine mammal. I'll be you are fast, agile and almost beautiful running along the river bottom. Hippo potamus. River horse. You'd almost think the Greeks had seen them underwater, but in the muddy Nile, that is unlikely.

I'll probably never fly again. Why bother? Ground transport is adopting the filthy habits of the airlines. Makes me sympathetic with SUV drivers. At least with an SUV you can run over the a-holes.
 
2014-01-31 08:12:57 PM

Bondith: Syria, Algeria, Afghanistan
Iraq, Iran, Yemen
and Cuba,
Lebanon-Libya, Somalia-Sudan
People's Republic of North Korea.

Anyone else try to sing the to Yakko's World?

/United States, Canada, Mexico, Panama
//Haiti, Jamaica, Peru


That's TAHITI. Not Haiti.

/This song is why I have Wakko tatooed on my leg.
 
2014-01-31 08:13:32 PM

generallyso: Rug Doctor: I just want to know: Who is the guy who signed the document where we decided to trust a bunch of untrained junior college guys with Tasers and a boobie machine?

That would be George W. Bush.


and who has continued this...after Bush left office...for 5 years?   can't blame Bush for that.
 
2014-01-31 08:14:32 PM

super_grass: It's a small price to pay for not having any more terror attacks on US soil. The terrorist repelling rock was such an eyesore.


You sound small dick.
 
2014-01-31 08:32:09 PM
img.izismile.com
 
2014-01-31 08:35:42 PM

funzyr: I'm not clicking through 4 pages.


You must be *very* important.  Kudos to you, douche.
 
2014-01-31 08:37:40 PM

Savage Belief: Bondith: Syria, Algeria, Afghanistan
Iraq, Iran, Yemen
and Cuba,
Lebanon-Libya, Somalia-Sudan
People's Republic of North Korea.

Anyone else try to sing the to Yakko's World?

/United States, Canada, Mexico, Panama
//Haiti, Jamaica, Peru

That's TAHITI. Not Haiti.

/This song is why I have Wakko tatooed on my leg.


He's standing in front of a map of North American and the Caribbean, and he points at Haiti.  Tahiti doesn't even show up in the song.

/it's not like I've watched it twice tonight, or anything
 
2014-01-31 08:42:10 PM

mark12A: Of course, now I'm in PreChek, so I'm travelling like it's 1999....


How does that work?  Show all your documents, get fingerprints, pass a background check, and then bypass the scanners?
 
2014-01-31 08:48:06 PM
Unless I need to cross an ocean Im not getting on a mutha farking plane. fark da man and fark his need to see my papers.
 
2014-01-31 08:53:51 PM

jnapier: In hospitals we need to calibrate the machines daily.

Guess how often it was done at the airports.
Less
no, less than that,
If you guessed any number that can be less, you are not there yet.

But then again I wouldn't want anyone from the TSA calibrating the machines anyway


What are you talking about? Every machine we used were calibrated at least daily and others like ETD much more.
 
2014-01-31 09:33:14 PM

cookiefleck: What's funny is that I wear a lot jewellery and accessories and love big purses and they never say anything to me. And I'm not wearing costume stuff either, but I always smile and am friendly to them and they just let me through (they do fondle me. But you can't avoid that) it's always the pissed off business traveler that get huffy going security THAT THEY HAVE TO GO THROUGH TWICE A WEEK!


It's like this at a lot of places. My favourite is that at the local grocery here, every woman with a bag, some of them large enough to transport a small family inside, gets a free pass through the security checkpoint, but every time I walk through with my laptop backpack on my back, I get stopped.

I'm going to start carrying a purse around with me.
 
2014-01-31 09:43:58 PM

TwistedFark: cookiefleck: What's funny is that I wear a lot jewellery and accessories and love big purses and they never say anything to me. And I'm not wearing costume stuff either, but I always smile and am friendly to them and they just let me through (they do fondle me. But you can't avoid that) it's always the pissed off business traveler that get huffy going security THAT THEY HAVE TO GO THROUGH TWICE A WEEK!

It's like this at a lot of places. My favourite is that at the local grocery here, every woman with a bag, some of them large enough to transport a small family inside, gets a free pass through the security checkpoint, but every time I walk through with my laptop backpack on my back, I get stopped.

I'm going to start carrying a purse around with me.


IT'S A SATCHEL!

/That's what my husband insists, anyway.
 
2014-01-31 09:58:57 PM

Goimir: They'll ferry all of it in for you,


I'm sure they will.

and there's no inventory taken when you leave.

No doubt. And the best thing about it is that it'll be so much lighter when you leave. I mean, how much can an empty bag weigh, anyhow?
 
2014-01-31 10:06:36 PM

MooseUpNorth: Goimir: They'll ferry all of it in for you,

I'm sure they will.

and there's no inventory taken when you leave.

No doubt. And the best thing about it is that it'll be so much lighter when you leave. I mean, how much can an empty bag weigh, anyhow?


I put up the Sunglass Hut sign in PIT. And actually, I got to drive on the tarmac, too. It was awesome.

"See that sign that says 'no left turn?' Make that left."

"OK, airplanes have the right of way."
 
2014-01-31 10:44:19 PM
Holy tap-dancing Christ, do I have to do everything around here???

3.bp.blogspot.com

123 posts and I'm the first??? Fark, I am disappoint.
 
2014-01-31 11:11:36 PM
I always opt out -- have never been through the scanner.
 
2014-01-31 11:28:54 PM

PerilousApricot: I pop viagra before every flight and request to get a hand pat down in lieu of the body scanners


I gotta fly in two weeks.  Precaching porn as we speak.
 
2014-01-31 11:40:19 PM

bglove25: ChubbyTiger: abmoraz: Bondith: Syria, Algeria, Afghanistan
Iraq, Iran, Yemen
and Cuba,
Lebanon-Libya, Somalia-Sudan
People's Republic of North Korea.

Anyone else try to sing the to Yakko's World?

/United States, Canada, Mexico, Panama
//Haiti, Jamaica, Peru

yes...

ditto.

I believe her name was Dot.


She was cute!

/but not on par with Hello Nurse
 
2014-01-31 11:42:25 PM

bigdanc: that's okay, I'm laughing at your 13 dollar an hour job


Are they $13/hour?  Because I heard they were minimum wage.
 
2014-02-01 12:01:28 AM
Stop enabling the TSA, fliers.
 
2014-02-01 12:37:16 AM
Someone should print up a pile of t-shirts with this in huge letters on the front and back, to wear through security:

T hieves &
S exual
A ssailants


Oh, and be polite and courteous to the agents, and be sure to opt-out of the scanners so you'll definitely get the pat-down while wearing it.

,

Also, if you're concerned about being fondled, has anyone tried wearing a cup through security?
 
2014-02-01 12:38:02 AM

PerilousApricot: ObscureNameHere: Seriously, as I guy, I don't get this 'laugh at it when soft' bit.   Unless you are 15 year old, you don't walk around with a perma-boner, so everything will be in its much smaller 'resting state'.  Standing in a security line isn't exactly a 'turn on'....

I pop viagra before every flight and request to get a hand pat down in lieu of the body scanners


Its the pleats
 
2014-02-01 02:47:33 AM

trotsky: Hoopy Frood: BullBearMS: Hoopy Frood: Rug Doctor: I'm a fairly party-line Democrat. But if a REAL Libertarian candidate stepped up and said, "Day 1 of my presidency, we shut down the TSA and throw that $10 billion at the national debt," I would vote for him on the spot.

Throwing $10 billion at the national debt is like shooting a spitwad at a charging rhinoceros.

Funneling money into the pockets of your political donors for machines that do not work is how we got into trouble in the first place.

A "REAL Libertarian" would cut way more than $10 billion anyway. It would be "OK, we don't need this department or this department, this department should be folded into this one, states could do more efficiently what this department does and should be doing it anyway, this war is only creating new generations of enemies so I'm gonna end it and close down most of these foreign military bases, you folks better get used to vetoes so you don't waste both your time and mine, we're gonna end the war on recreational drugs and try to eliminate the IRS, and... y'all have a nice day."

RON PAUL


Welll, not quite. He's close, but he still identifies himself as a Republican, and a Real Libertarian wouldn't.
 
2014-02-01 03:03:42 AM
I don't see why they don't cut the scanners, and do like the nuke plants do: air puffers and metal detectors before going into the PA. The explosives detector sniffed out the pair jeans I used nearly a month before while tilling fertilizer into the garden, that had been washed half a dozen times, at least. Haven't flown since 9/11, but even with setting the alarm at work off, getting through security took 5 minutes, tops.
 
2014-02-01 10:27:26 AM
FTFA:  I remember one passenger coming through the checkpoint just after the video's release. He declined to pass through the full-body scanner, choosing instead to receive a full-body pat-down. I asked him why he was opting out.

"Because while the TSA has the ability to make this traveling experience miserable for me, it doesn't change the fact that right here, right now, YOU'RE the one on your knees groping a fat guy for a buck and change."

/5 mins max for a pat down, $13hr/12 = $1.08 for 5 mins.
 
2014-02-01 11:46:45 PM
That was an interesting article.  The TSA must have accidentally hired someone literate.
 
2014-02-01 11:50:06 PM

mark12A: I have ALWAYS opted out. Never been through a scanner...


I go through them all the time.  Once the scanner was puzzled by the hanky in my pocket.  Another time the scanner couldn't handle my empty pocket.  Yes, the dude looking at the monitor thought that there was a problem with my EMPTY pocket.

I now turn out my pockets to show those clowns that my empty pockets are in fact empty.
 
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