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(The Daily Press)   Fark-ready headline: Convicted masturbator doesn't get off   (dailypress.com) divider line 45
    More: Obvious, masturbators, Christopher Roush, Newport News Police Department  
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4308 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Jan 2014 at 5:44 PM (38 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



45 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-01-31 03:16:02 PM  
I giggled. Especially when the article started by saying "Some might call him a jerk."
 
2014-01-31 03:19:28 PM  
You're doing it wrong
 
2014-01-31 03:53:19 PM  
 
2014-01-31 05:09:33 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2014-01-31 05:17:59 PM  
They can change the headline all the want, but if they want their link generator to keep getting clicks, they won't change the URL.
 
2014-01-31 05:19:06 PM  
And no, I don't know what a link generator is either. I guess I meant a traffic generator.
 
2014-01-31 05:36:12 PM  
lol, wut?
 
2014-01-31 05:41:58 PM  
That's kinda' sad.  If you're gonna' throw away your career and humiliate yourself by jerking off to passing cars, you should at least remember doing it.
 
2014-01-31 05:49:31 PM  
From 'the full story from the Daily Press':

"One woman testified she was driving to a yard sale, with her 14-year-old daughter in the passenger seat, when she saw Roush. She said she screamed, then did a U-turn "to try to see the address."
 
2014-01-31 05:54:25 PM  
The Chronicles:

Link
 
2014-01-31 05:55:35 PM  
Does 12 misdemeanors end with a partridge in a pear tree?
 
2014-01-31 05:58:15 PM  

Aussie_As: From 'the full story from the Daily Press':

"One woman testified she was driving to a yard sale, with her 14-year-old daughter in the passenger seat, when she saw Roush. She said she screamed, then did a U-turn "to try to see the address."


I'm guessing it had a 1 in it
 
2014-01-31 06:06:59 PM  

Aussie_As: From 'the full story from the Daily Press':

"One woman testified she was driving to a yard sale, with her 14-year-old daughter in the passenger seat, when she saw Roush. She said she screamed, then did a U-turn "to try to see the address."


8 reaaally = D. Approximately.

What a weird address.
 
2014-01-31 06:10:44 PM  
So now you can't even stand in your front doorway and masturbate while a nice breeze blows across your freshly shaved balls? What's this world coming to?
 
2014-01-31 06:11:03 PM  
He's just going to keep doing it until he does.
 
2014-01-31 06:14:19 PM  
I laughed more than I should here.
 
2014-01-31 06:15:56 PM  

uncleacid: Does 12 misdemeanors end with a partridge in a pear tree?


Something, something, bird in hand, something, one in bush, something...
 
2014-01-31 06:22:45 PM  
8========D  = = = =
 
2014-01-31 06:27:34 PM  
Hahaha. Jesus Christ, how would you go on with a normal life after having your picture in the news, having been convicted of masturbating at passersby? I mean, it's good comedy for the rest of us, but wow.
 
2014-01-31 06:29:09 PM  
Although I strongly suspect there are other symptoms on his resume, lol.
 
2014-01-31 06:32:18 PM  
"Convicted masturbator?" If jerking off is wrong, I don't wanna be right.
 
2014-01-31 06:34:23 PM  
He fought the charge, but ultimately couldn't beat it.
 
2014-01-31 06:34:55 PM  
So... man has stroke on city street?
 
2014-01-31 06:36:23 PM  
Somewhat ironically, this ex-cop felt the long arm of the law.
 
2014-01-31 06:44:11 PM  
 
2014-01-31 06:46:39 PM  
"Appeared to be masturbating."


It could be a frenetic frustration due to a zipper mishap.
 
2014-01-31 07:05:24 PM  

chaddsfarkprefect: "Appeared to be masturbating."


It could be a frenetic frustration due to a zipper mishap.


Or something else...

farm2.static.flickr.com
 
2014-01-31 07:05:34 PM  
Alas.
 
2014-01-31 07:11:46 PM  

Gyrfalcon: Alas.


Alas?

/apparently there were several
 
2014-01-31 07:27:16 PM  

doctor wu: Hahaha. Jesus Christ, how would you go on with a normal life after having your picture in the news, having been convicted of masturbating at passersby? I mean, it's good comedy for the rest of us, but wow.


On the plus side, he wasnt farming a horse.
 
2014-01-31 07:28:52 PM  

VladTheEmailer: doctor wu: Hahaha. Jesus Christ, how would you go on with a normal life after having your picture in the news, having been convicted of masturbating at passersby? I mean, it's good comedy for the rest of us, but wow.

On the plus side, he wasnt farming a horse.


Uh...or even farking.

Wtf spell check.
 
2014-01-31 07:29:30 PM  
Lol, good to know there's masturbating cops in my area!
 
2014-01-31 07:51:51 PM  

VladTheEmailer: VladTheEmailer: doctor wu: Hahaha. Jesus Christ, how would you go on with a normal life after having your picture in the news, having been convicted of masturbating at passersby? I mean, it's good comedy for the rest of us, but wow.

On the plus side, he wasnt farming a horse.

Uh...or even farking.

Wtf spell check.


I dunno....made sense to me. Figured it meant plowing :-)
 
2014-01-31 08:12:39 PM  
s29.postimg.org
 
2014-01-31 08:49:18 PM  
Time to get off the Zoloft.
 
2014-01-31 09:14:42 PM  
Am I really the first with "what's his Dark handle?"

I can assure you all it wasn't me. This time.
 
2014-01-31 09:32:10 PM  

BetterMetalSnake: Am I really the first with "what's his Dark handle?"

I can assure you all it wasn't me. This time.


Yes, you're the first. I suppose he really isn't all that bright... more of a dim bulb, considering he's a former police officer and should know what's illegal.
 
2014-01-31 09:38:20 PM  

kling_klang_bed: Lol, good to know there's masturbating cops in my area!


On the plus side, that was one less chance at procreation.
 
2014-01-31 10:00:56 PM  
Came here looking for the "cream filled donut" joke...

/leaving empty handed
 
2014-01-31 10:11:36 PM  
What exactly is it with people who do that? They have it in their heads that some passerby is gonna be like, "I gotta get me some of that!"?
 
2014-02-01 12:02:25 AM  

lindalouwho: VladTheEmailer: VladTheEmailer: doctor wu: Hahaha. Jesus Christ, how would you go on with a normal life after having your picture in the news, having been convicted of masturbating at passersby? I mean, it's good comedy for the rest of us, but wow.

On the plus side, he wasnt farming a horse.

Uh...or even farking.

Wtf spell check.

I dunno....made sense to me. Figured it meant plowing :-)


I guess so...plus there's the whole 'sowing seeds' thing that is implied too.
 
2014-02-01 12:06:40 AM  

Agent Smiths Laugh: What exactly is it with people who do that? They have it in their heads that some passerby is gonna be like, "I gotta get me some of that!"?


Yeah. I know. I dont...conceptually...have a problem jerking off for someone if they're amenable to it, but doing it just on the off chance that it might be welcome....uh no, I will pass.
 
2014-02-01 12:22:54 AM  

Agent Smiths Laugh: What exactly is it with people who do that? They have it in their heads that some passerby is gonna be like, "I gotta get me some of that!"?


like this but with a cock instead of a hot pocket?
 
2014-02-01 02:37:38 AM  
i.kinja-img.com

/You Jackin' It?
// Perhaps after I finish my Grey Goose & OJ
 
2014-02-01 06:23:31 AM  
Well, that can't have been me then. I always finish.
 
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