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(NJ.com)   Woman charged with shoplifting over $800 worth of merchandise from Whole Foods. In other words, she shoplifted a bottle of herbal shampoo, two organic apples, and a package of frozen soy nuggets   (nj.com) divider line 42
    More: Silly, Boonton, Morris County, whole foods  
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1606 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Jan 2014 at 10:31 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



42 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-01-31 10:33:39 AM  
I've been on edge ever since they took Kombucha off the shelf..
 
2014-01-31 10:34:11 AM  
More like whole paycheck amiright harharhahaweeeehoohoohoho
 
2014-01-31 10:34:32 AM  
Well at least something is happening over that store that can actually be blamed in causing low pay for their employees, rather than what the CEO usually blames (hint: Whole Foods CEO is a libertarian).
 
2014-01-31 10:39:19 AM  
She was only shoplifting goods so she could use her SNAP card to get cash for crack.
 
2014-01-31 10:39:30 AM  
Only if the soy nuggets were on sale
 
2014-01-31 10:41:12 AM  
Loss Prevention Thread?

I'll start.  We once busted a 20 year old girl who musta weighed 90lbs, wearing a miniskirt and tank top, no purse.  Tried smuggling out a bottle of wine in her underpants.  We knew she had it but were still in shock when we got her back to the holding room, amazed she could even walk.

/next
 
2014-01-31 10:41:57 AM  
What was she using, a duffel bag, that's gotta be a couple of shopping carts worth of goods.
 
2014-01-31 10:44:00 AM  
He said "Whole Foods"... Not Aldi.
 
2014-01-31 10:46:16 AM  

orclover: Loss Prevention Thread?

I'll start.  We once busted a 20 year old girl who musta weighed 900lbs, wearing a miniskirt and tank top, no purse.  Tried smuggling out a bottle of wine in her underpants.  We knew she had it but were still in shock when we got her back to the holding room, amazed she could even walk.

/next


img.fark.net
 
2014-01-31 10:46:53 AM  
John Mackey (CEO of whole foods) is one of those idiot "libertarians" born on third base who think they hit a triple. Fark that guy.
 
2014-01-31 10:50:51 AM  

ChipNASA: She was only shoplifting goods so she could use her SNAP card to get cash for crack.


I don't know about crack but Obama wants to increase benefits so you can buy pot.
 
2014-01-31 10:51:35 AM  

HAMMERTOE: I've been on edge ever since they took Kombucha off the shelf..


+1 came here with a similar remark.

/I'm in electric mode, can't even hear the engine
 
2014-01-31 10:55:22 AM  
Haha, it's funny because food that isn't shiatty is more expensive!
 
2014-01-31 11:08:33 AM  
The worst part is she didn't make an appointment to go in the store.
 
2014-01-31 11:13:06 AM  
Ah, so she shoplifted 10 bottles of Green Tea extract. As was pointed out by others the CEO of Whole Foods is an asshat Libertarian just like the CEO of LuluLemon.

Both wanting to make huge coin off of well-intentioned but naive former flower children & earth cookies.
 
2014-01-31 11:22:16 AM  

Klivian: Only if the soy nuggets were on sale


Ah well.  Beat me to it.  Once in a great while Whole Foods' price on a given item is reasonable.  Their infrequent coupon circulars make the occasional thing worth buying, if you need something like soy sauce.

But my goodness, their regular produce pricing?  Astounding.

For packaged specialty goods they do tend to beat health food stores, though, if you're unlucky enough to have only small groceries and small supermarkets available...
 
2014-01-31 11:22:35 AM  
The Woolf Of Boonton.
 
2014-01-31 11:45:19 AM  

orclover: Loss Prevention Thread?

I'll start.  We once busted a 20 year old girl who musta weighed 90lbs, wearing a miniskirt and tank top, no purse.  Tried smuggling out a bottle of wine in her underpants.  We knew she had it but were still in shock when we got her back to the holding room, amazed she could even walk.

/next


Try a case of beer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkb4GgPeCxc
 
2014-01-31 11:46:11 AM  
I'm ashamed to admit I shopped at a Whole Foods.  I just wanted something to replace that wondreful local co-op we lost when we moved.
 
2014-01-31 11:50:46 AM  
Astorix:This guy started a multi-billion dollar business that employs almost 60,000 people and I sit around masturbating to cats all day, so because his political ideology is different than mine he must be an asshat.

Hmm. In the interest of science, I suggest evidence-based resolution to the political questions of our time. No feelings, no moral outrages, no twisted logic. Let's just say "OK, here are the 1,000 most successful examples of the homo sapien species. Whatever the majority of them personally believe is likely the best thing for  homo sapiens to believe." Resolve the issue once and for all. It's like species evolution. Lions could have (well not really, but it's an illustration) pointed at us and said "haha, look at those stupid apes, devoting so many resources to brains! Us lions, we devote it to being able to kill stupid humans!" but we got the last laugh, didn't we? If it works, it works. And it worked. So let's cut the crap and just see "what works". Because on the scale of "opinions that matter", you or I aren't prime specimens. Neither are about 99% of the people on this planet. Certain individuals massively outperform the majority of their species. Science says we should be looking to them for clues about what the correct personal political philosophies are.
 
2014-01-31 12:06:09 PM  

Slypork: orclover: Loss Prevention Thread?

I'll start.  We once busted a 20 year old girl who musta weighed 90lbs, wearing a miniskirt and tank top, no purse.  Tried smuggling out a bottle of wine in her underpants.  We knew she had it but were still in shock when we got her back to the holding room, amazed she could even walk.

/next

Try a case of beer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkb4GgPeCxc


Well she's obviously from India.  Having 23 kids will do that to ya.
 
2014-01-31 12:12:27 PM  

That Guy Jeff: Astorix:This guy started a multi-billion dollar business that employs almost 60,000 people and I sit around masturbating to cats all day, so because his political ideology is different than mine he must be an asshat.

Hmm. In the interest of science, I suggest evidence-based resolution to the political questions of our time. No feelings, no moral outrages, no twisted logic. Let's just say "OK, here are the 1,000 most successful examples of the homo sapien species. Whatever the majority of them personally believe is likely the best thing for  homo sapiens to believe." Resolve the issue once and for all. It's like species evolution. Lions could have (well not really, but it's an illustration) pointed at us and said "haha, look at those stupid apes, devoting so many resources to brains! Us lions, we devote it to being able to kill stupid humans!" but we got the last laugh, didn't we? If it works, it works. And it worked. So let's cut the crap and just see "what works". Because on the scale of "opinions that matter", you or I aren't prime specimens. Neither are about 99% of the people on this planet. Certain individuals massively outperform the majority of their species. Science says we should be looking to them for clues about what the correct personal political philosophies are.


I don't think you're serious, but that's just stupid.  It's not as if successful people got there by their mental superiority in even half the cases.  To make your idea work you'd have to take into account every advantage these "most successful examples" enjoyed -- existing economic bracket, family, race, country, appearance, social network, etc., etc.

Your concept seems to rely on their brain and/or body being the only factors to their success, and that's silly.

In fact, it's probably equally silly to apply that thought to ordinary evolution; it's not "individuals" that massively outperform their species.  It's individual traits that allow groups with that trait to prosper, often gradually.  "Massively outperform" as a criterion is neither required nor particularly common, I'm guessing.
 
2014-01-31 12:25:23 PM  

Far Cough: That Guy Jeff: Astorix:This guy started a multi-billion dollar business that employs almost 60,000 people and I sit around masturbating to cats all day, so because his political ideology is different than mine he must be an asshat.

Hmm. In the interest of science, I suggest evidence-based resolution to the political questions of our time. No feelings, no moral outrages, no twisted logic. Let's just say "OK, here are the 1,000 most successful examples of the homo sapien species. Whatever the majority of them personally believe is likely the best thing for  homo sapiens to believe." Resolve the issue once and for all. It's like species evolution. Lions could have (well not really, but it's an illustration) pointed at us and said "haha, look at those stupid apes, devoting so many resources to brains! Us lions, we devote it to being able to kill stupid humans!" but we got the last laugh, didn't we? If it works, it works. And it worked. So let's cut the crap and just see "what works". Because on the scale of "opinions that matter", you or I aren't prime specimens. Neither are about 99% of the people on this planet. Certain individuals massively outperform the majority of their species. Science says we should be looking to them for clues about what the correct personal political philosophies are.

I don't think you're serious, but that's just stupid.  It's not as if successful people got there by their mental superiority in even half the cases.  To make your idea work you'd have to take into account every advantage these "most successful examples" enjoyed -- existing economic bracket, family, race, country, appearance, social network, etc., etc.

Your concept seems to rely on their brain and/or body being the only factors to their success, and that's silly.

In fact, it's probably equally silly to apply that thought to ordinary evolution; it's not "individuals" that massively outperform their species.  It's individual traits that allow groups with that trait to prosper, ...


Nope, no philosophizing or trying to come up with perverse logic to help your own beliefs. Too much bias, you're already making up numbers like "not even half of successful people got their by their mental superiority". Way too much room for whatever you personally believe to color and change everything you think on the subject. That's the point: no bullshiat, no personal opinion. Simply look at the most successful members of the species and say "we should all seek to emulate that".
 
2014-01-31 12:27:43 PM  

ikanreed: I'm ashamed to admit I shopped at a Whole Foods.  I just wanted something to replace that wondreful local co-op we lost when we moved.


I shop there sometimes, mainly because it's the only grocery store around here with 50 beers on tap and you can drink one while you're shopping.
 
2014-01-31 12:29:39 PM  

That Guy Jeff: Nope, no philosophizing or trying to come up with perverse logic to help your own beliefs. Too much bias, you're already making up numbers like "not even half of successful people got their by their mental superiority". Way too much room for whatever you personally believe tyo color and change everything you think on the subject. That's the point: no bullshiat, no personal opinion. Simply look at the most successful members of the species and say "we should all seek to emulate that".


And again, that's just silly.  We all can't seek to emulate conditions that we have no control over.  I don't have Mitt Romney's parents, and no amount of seeking and emulating will change that.  I'm pretty sure you're joking.  Or a "Randian".
 
2014-01-31 12:38:57 PM  
I've shopped at a new Whole Foods that opened nearby.  The first time, I felt lost walking around and trying to find stuff.  (Not to mention feeling not cool or trendy enough to be there.)  I asked one "associate" in which aisle number I could find something I needed, and he replied "Sir, we don't use aisle numbers here."

/which confirmed my thoughts about not being cool enough, although I have been back.
 
2014-01-31 12:40:34 PM  

Far Cough: That Guy Jeff: Nope, no philosophizing or trying to come up with perverse logic to help your own beliefs. Too much bias, you're already making up numbers like "not even half of successful people got their by their mental superiority". Way too much room for whatever you personally believe tyo color and change everything you think on the subject. That's the point: no bullshiat, no personal opinion. Simply look at the most successful members of the species and say "we should all seek to emulate that".

And again, that's just silly.  We all can't seek to emulate conditions that we have no control over.  I don't have Mitt Romney's parents, and no amount of seeking and emulating will change that.  I'm pretty sure you're joking.  Or a "Randian".


Nope, no making stuff. You're selecting examples to suit your own narrative. It can't possibly be true that all successful people didn't have some hand in their success, and yet in order to fit that narrative you will pull specific examples you feel will support it. That won't get either one of us anywhere. No one's going to solve the debate cherry picking. Right off the bat one could argue back that because one receives most of their positions based on their upbringing having successful parents still lends credibility to whatever they believe.

But that's arguing back and forth, and that will never solve it. It's all conjecture. Let's get some evidence. Just take the top 1,000, or 5,000 or 10,000 people, find out what the majority of them believe. No trying to explain why or coming up with excuses; it doesn't matter how they got where they are, just that they believe ____ and they are successful.

It's like... diet sodas contributing to obesity. Who cares *why* diet sodas contribute to obesity if you're trying to lose weight? It doesn't make sense that they do and we could spend all day long arguing back and forth over possibly ways they do or do not. But the fact remains that people who consume diet sodas are more likely to be obese, and are more likely not to lose weight than people who do not. The "why" is a nice academic study, but the cold hard truth is: if you want to lose weight, stop drinking diet soda. Let's find out what the rule for success is. Thin people don't drink diet soda, successful people believe _____. That simple.
 
2014-01-31 12:43:47 PM  
I could see $800 fitting in a handbag. They have cosmetics that are around $100 a bottle. I assume there is a market for that sort of thing online.
 
2014-01-31 01:01:09 PM  

That Guy Jeff: But that's arguing back and forth, and that will never solve it. It's all conjecture. Let's get some evidence. Just take the top 1,000, or 5,000 or 10,000 people, find out what the majority of them believe. No trying to explain why or coming up with excuses; it doesn't matter how they got where they are, just that they believe ____ and they are successful.


What in the world leads you to connect "what they believe" with "how they are successful"?  Mix up cause and effect much, man?

Your diet soda example is a riot.  You state categorically that "diet sodas contribute to obesity", then say "we could spend all day long arguing back and forth over possibly ways they do or do not", and then conclude the "cold hard truth is: If you want to lose weight, stop drinking diet soda."

My goodness that's stupid.  Old people have white hair!  If you want to live a long life buy some gray hair dye!
 
2014-01-31 01:02:02 PM  
Oh, and I meant to add, for someone pretending to put forth a logical paradigm, you seem oddly illogical.
 
2014-01-31 01:14:38 PM  
Was Whole Foods having a sale or something?
 
2014-01-31 01:29:08 PM  

justanotherfarkinfarker: I could see $800 fitting in a handbag. They have cosmetics that are around $100 a bottle. I assume there is a market for that sort of thing online.


Bulk spices and loose leaf tea could do it too. It probably doesn't take much saffron to get you to $800.
 
2014-01-31 01:53:02 PM  

Far Cough: That Guy Jeff: But that's arguing back and forth, and that will never solve it. It's all conjecture. Let's get some evidence. Just take the top 1,000, or 5,000 or 10,000 people, find out what the majority of them believe. No trying to explain why or coming up with excuses; it doesn't matter how they got where they are, just that they believe ____ and they are successful.

What in the world leads you to connect "what they believe" with "how they are successful"?  Mix up cause and effect much, man?

Your diet soda example is a riot.  You state categorically that "diet sodas contribute to obesity", then say "we could spend all day long arguing back and forth over possibly ways they do or do not", and then conclude the "cold hard truth is: If you want to lose weight, stop drinking diet soda."

My goodness that's stupid.  Old people have white hair!  If you want to live a long life buy some gray hair dye!


You miss the point. A lot of people refuse to accept that diet sodas contribute to obesity. They will point out seemingly logical reasons they can't, like "they don't have calories". But at the end of the day, something makes them contribute to obesity. What I'm saying is we can go back and forth all day on what the correct personal beliefs are. But at the end of the day, certain people with certain beliefs are successful, you and I aren't. So whatever they are doing works, regardless of every little grasping shred you can come up with to support your own personal beliefs. When your personal beliefs make you wildly successful, then we can start to consider them valid. Until then, the guy with the multi-billion dollar company is objectively better qualified to say what does and doesn't work than you or I are. Hell, maybe their beliefs really are the same as yours. Maybe John Mackey doesn't know a damn thing and he just wildly stumbled into building a multi-billion dollar corporation from $45K in loans and living in his first store to save money. Maybe he's completely off base and is doomed to end up with a net worth approaching yours. Or maybe not. What we need is the evidence.
 
2014-01-31 02:04:28 PM  

That Guy Jeff: But at the end of the day, something makes them contribute to obesity.


Citations needed.

That Guy Jeff: certain people with certain beliefs are successful,


Mix up cause and effect much, man?

You're making enormous illogical leaps.  "Beliefs" "Behavior" "Whatever they are doing" reproducibility by another human.  And that's without taking into account the myriad other socioeconomic and circumstantial factors you demand be ignored.

Great, do all the bayesian analytics on the 1% club that you deem appropriate, but it seems to me a baseless exercise.  There might already be a lot of poorly conceived graduate papers on the subject.
 
2014-01-31 02:06:04 PM  
Sorry, lost the formatting (left and right angle brackets).

"Beliefs" (is not equal to)  "Behavior" (is not equal to)  "Whatever they are doing" (is not equal to) reproducibility by another human.
 
2014-01-31 02:26:46 PM  

Far Cough: That Guy Jeff: But at the end of the day, something makes them contribute to obesity.

Citations needed.

That Guy Jeff: certain people with certain beliefs are successful,

Mix up cause and effect much, man?

You're making enormous illogical leaps.  "Beliefs" "Behavior" "Whatever they are doing" reproducibility by another human.  And that's without taking into account the myriad other socioeconomic and circumstantial factors you demand be ignored.

Great, do all the bayesian analytics on the 1% club that you deem appropriate, but it seems to me a baseless exercise.  There might already be a lot of poorly conceived graduate papers on the subject.


http://www.webmd.com/diet/news/20050613/drink-more-diet-soda-gain-mo re -weight
http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB118523105635575469?mg=reno64-ws j &url=http%3A%2F%2Fonline.wsj.com%2Farticle%2FSB118523105635575469.html

Completely counter-intuitive, I know. Just like the idea that someone's beliefs may have something to do with their success in life (at least, that's counter-intuitive to you. Frankly, I can't imagine your personal beliefs NOT having an effect on your success.) But the point is they didn't sit there making up arguments endlessly over whether the soda did or didn't cause obesity. They measured. Let's measure successful people. And any aspect of them that other people can mimic, mimic.
 
2014-01-31 02:59:43 PM  

orclover: Loss Prevention Thread?

I'll start.  We once busted a 20 year old girl who musta weighed 90lbs, wearing a miniskirt and tank top, no purse.  Tried smuggling out a bottle of wine in her underpants.  We knew she had it but were still in shock when we got her back to the holding room, amazed she could even walk.

/next


...and people keep wondering how shemales can look just like a woman in a miniskirt.  Hey if you can hide a whole wine bottle down there, you can hide much smaller things too :)
 
2014-01-31 03:13:16 PM  

orclover: Slypork: orclover: Loss Prevention Thread?

I'll start.  We once busted a 20 year old girl who musta weighed 90lbs, wearing a miniskirt and tank top, no purse.  Tried smuggling out a bottle of wine in her underpants.  We knew she had it but were still in shock when we got her back to the holding room, amazed she could even walk.

/next

Try a case of beer.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nkb4GgPeCxc

Well she's obviously from India.  Having 23 kids will do that to ya.


Do you mean she's that strong or that she's that loose?

Her -  "Hold on a second. I think I can stuff that pony keg in my hoo-ha as well."

That night:
Husband - "Honey, this beer tastes sort of yeasty."
 
2014-01-31 03:57:56 PM  
I shop at Whole Foods. It's pricey, but not absurdly so.

/I buy organic for the kids.
 
2014-01-31 05:37:26 PM  

Johnsnownw: I shop at Whole Foods. It's pricey, but not absurdly so.

/I buy organic for the kids.


They are also the only supermarket you can get properly dry aged steaks.
 
2014-01-31 06:36:37 PM  
That's $8.00 worth of merchandise, priced at $800.
 
2014-01-31 11:15:47 PM  
Some kinda in depth observation there felch
 
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