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(Orlando Sentinel)   "My son is 11. He is not getting dirty with any female anytime soon. Not as long as I am around. So I threw out the bottle of Axe Body Wash. It just promotes sex, not cleanliness"   (orlandosentinel.com) divider line 65
    More: Florida, shower gel, axe, female anytime  
•       •       •

8987 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Jan 2014 at 9:56 AM (47 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-01-31 10:02:15 AM  
13 votes:
I went to my husband, who, of course, bought our son the Axe

And thus began the legend of George Washington.
jbc [TotalFark]
2014-01-31 10:08:02 AM  
8 votes:
I don't think the teachers are that picky these days.
2014-01-31 10:06:58 AM  
7 votes:
My teen boy has Axe. He was bought it as a present from his gparents.
He likes the smell, which admittedly is marginally better than unmasked teen boy smell.

Not so much worried about him being a chick magnet any time soon while his bedroom is covered in Legos. Although the thread with the pornstar caused me to pause.
2014-01-31 09:31:52 AM  
7 votes:
Oddly enough, by throwing it out and buying stuff that doesn't smell douche, he's more likely to get laid, not less.
2014-01-31 10:07:08 AM  
6 votes:
Mother do you think they'll drop the bomb?
2014-01-31 10:01:04 AM  
6 votes:

Somacandra: It promotes douchebaggery, not sex. The sexual imagery is just the route to douchebaggery. A decent body wash with a loofah will be fine. If the kid wants to get laid, he'll discover patchouli oil soon enough.


If patchouli oil gets you laid, it's time to move out of the OWS tent city.
2014-01-31 10:39:09 AM  
5 votes:
northhigh73.com

Everything old is new again.,
2014-01-31 10:24:52 AM  
5 votes:
"Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one."

They should take turns going in and peeing on the seat when she's not looking.
2014-01-31 10:05:41 AM  
5 votes:

HotWingConspiracy: It's like a weaponized Ed Hardy shirt.


Apropos of nothing, this makes me wonder if you could rig up a version of the office cubicle hand grenade (febreze can zip-tied) with a can of axe. Go into a hipster bar, yell "FIRE IN THE HOLE", and toss it.
2014-01-31 10:01:34 AM  
5 votes:
NOOOOO Mommy's little boy can't grow up!!!  Stay here with Mommy!!! I'll protect you from those wretched little whores!!! They only want to hurt you!!!
2014-01-31 09:57:49 AM  
5 votes:
It's like a weaponized Ed Hardy shirt.
2014-01-31 09:44:44 AM  
5 votes:
I'm calling it now, her son will be a father by 16
2014-01-31 10:06:52 AM  
4 votes:

DarkSoulNoHope: (Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.)

Maybe they're using their own bathroom instead of both your husband and you sharing yours is because, you, Ma'am are an asshole?!


Yeah her husband must need a quiet place to jerkoff.
2014-01-31 10:06:49 AM  
4 votes:
thats right. careful there lad. you could knock up a gal and be stuck with a woman like mom.
2014-01-31 10:00:00 AM  
4 votes:

Somacandra: It promotes douchebaggery, not sex. The sexual imagery is just the route to douchebaggery. A decent body wash with a loofah will be fine. If the kid wants to get laid, he'll discover patchouli oil soon enough.


Or lavender.  Biatches love lavender.
2014-01-31 09:57:10 AM  
4 votes:
I feel sorry for the husband of this shrew.  His sex life must be awful, if it even exists.
2014-01-31 11:11:11 AM  
3 votes:
I am impressed an 11 year old boy is bathing
2014-01-31 10:36:18 AM  
3 votes:
img.fark.net

if you want to sleep with that woman find out what cologne her father uses.

\works surprisingly well.
2014-01-31 10:15:52 AM  
3 votes:

amindtat: So any suggestions on a better product than Axe that I can spray on my 11 year old to keep him from stinking, yet not have everyone point and laugh at him?


i.imgur.com
2014-01-31 10:08:33 AM  
3 votes:
When he is older he can decide if he wants to use Axe.

Haha, good one. Like you'll ever let him make his own decisions! "Not under my roof, little mister!"
2014-01-31 10:06:30 AM  
3 votes:
img.gawkerassets.com
2014-01-31 10:04:18 AM  
3 votes:
(Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.)

Maybe they're using their own bathroom instead of both your husband and you sharing yours is because, you, Ma'am are an asshole?!
2014-01-31 10:03:39 AM  
3 votes:
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
bio.tribune.com
2014-01-31 09:59:52 AM  
3 votes:

Somacandra: It promotes douchebaggery, not sex. The sexual imagery is just the route to douchebaggery. A decent body wash with a loofah will be fine. If the kid wants to get laid, he'll discover patchouli oil soon enough.


I see people post things on Fark sometimes that just make my mind wander away, muttering to itself.
2014-01-31 09:56:02 AM  
3 votes:
It promotes douchebaggery, not sex. The sexual imagery is just the route to douchebaggery. A decent body wash with a loofah will be fine. If the kid wants to get laid, he'll discover patchouli oil soon enough.
2014-01-31 12:36:06 PM  
2 votes:
i.chzbgr.com
2014-01-31 12:19:30 PM  
2 votes:

Fecal Conservative: What's his future fark handle?


IMurderedMyMomWithAxe?
2014-01-31 11:42:33 AM  
2 votes:

Satan's Bunny Slippers: abhorrent1: [i1.ytimg.com image 640x480]

Was it her?

ohgodohgodohgod I hate those commercials sooooo much!  The stupid burns.

As for blogger mommy with real issues, he's an 11 year old boy.  Be glad he's USING soap.

When he was about that age, my kid would wet the bar of soap while taking a bath , but not use it.  :/  I had to resort to post bath inspections for a while.  Then he hit 13, and we eventually had to have the "stop drowning yourself in all the shampoo/soap/deodorant/aftershave you can find in the bathroom".

Was quite the pattern change.  :)


I had a cousin who used to fill the tub up and stick his head in, and wrap a towel around his waist, and come out and proudly proclaim he had bathed.

His dad said "no you didn't" because he dad had stuck a 20 dollar bill under the bar of soap and it was still there.

He subsequently had to take a bathe in the front yard in a metal tub while my uncle hosed him off.

The 20 had been under the soap for 4 frigging days.
2014-01-31 11:02:52 AM  
2 votes:
Prom night, 1982.

fimgs.net

The smell of this shiat permeated the place.
Much like the interior of  theorellior's friend's car.
2014-01-31 10:19:30 AM  
2 votes:
I have to say I do value dudes that wear a lot of axe though. They are like white trash chick Geiger counters. If you've ever seen a gaggle of juggalettes all aflutter about how great affliction wearing axe dude smells, you know what I mean.

It's like the scent equivalent of ketchup.
2014-01-31 10:16:58 AM  
2 votes:
Everyone knows that the secret to getting the ladies is extremely generous doses of Drakkar Noir.
2014-01-31 10:10:28 AM  
2 votes:
" Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.)"

Goddammit men, stop mating with women like this.
2014-01-31 10:10:14 AM  
2 votes:

syberpud: apoptotic: Yeah, this doesn't sound like a completely concocted scenario at all.

And in no way is this a "viral" marketing campaign by the makers of Axe.  No siree.


Prudish moms hate this sexy contraband!
2014-01-31 10:06:01 AM  
2 votes:
I went to my husband, who, of course, bought our son the Axe, not having a clue the label read like a sex product.


That's old Dad, completely oblivious to the world around him (or so he tells you).  We certainly cant have him steering his son into manhood.
2014-01-31 10:05:48 AM  
2 votes:

Somacandra: jso2897: I see people post things on Fark sometimes that just make my mind wander away, muttering to itself.

Patchouli is like Sex Panther. It helps you find the hippie pagan chicks. All I can say is that I speak from experience.


So 60% of the time it works every time?
2014-01-31 10:00:16 AM  
2 votes:
FTFA: I am hoping our son won't mind going back to the SpongeBob shower gel he used to use, but I doubt it.

Hmmm. On second thought, you're a coont. I hope he drowns you in Axe when he figures that out. A decent parent would still allow him to pick from a set of choices at the store. He's 11, not a toddler.
2014-01-31 09:59:30 AM  
2 votes:

abfalter: I feel sorry for the husband of this shrew.  His sex life must be awful, if it even exists.


They created a child. That's enough.
2014-01-31 08:29:56 PM  
1 votes:

baka-san: Treetop1000: The only chick magnet worth using.
[i183.photobucket.com image 500x500]

Smell like a real man...

[images.fendrihan.com image 222x222]


www.proof66.com

Pfft! Real men reek of cheap bourbon. Just chug an entire bottle and you're good to go!
2014-01-31 07:00:40 PM  
1 votes:

CeroX: I'm going to buy or DL his porn for him (mostly so he's not surfing unsafe porn sites and infecting his computer, or delving into the illegal) and give him a box of tissues and say "Stick a sock on the doorknob to let us know when we need to stay out. Use the tissues, not a sock, we'll buy more. Keep the volume low enough we can't hear it. There's no shame, but there's no reason to broadcast it either."

Hopefully that's not too far to the other side so to speak...


Please tell me that you're joking. Holy shiat, dude. That is too far in the other direction.

Do not acquire his porn for him. Just give him a computer with his own account that is not the administrator account so random things can't get installed. Don't hand him tissues just keep extra boxes of tissues and rolls of TP in a closet. Don't ask him to announce when he's jerking it with a sock. FFS, are you trying to make it as uncomfortable as possible?

He wont want you to know about it. He wont want you to approach him with new spank material. Finding porn, discovering what you like, finding new things in the process and the hunt in general is half of the fun. It's a weird time for a guy. He will not want any acknowledgement of his parents being aware that he's doing that. Just knock of the door is closed. Trust me, when a young guy is jerking it when other people in the house you'd think you know what the most sensitive part of his body is at that moment. But you'd be wrong because it's his ears. The last thing he wants is for others to walk in on him.

You taking an active interest in him playing with his new best friend WILL fark him up. If you happen across it by accident then just say something, "Just make sure to keep it private". Seriously, we don't want out parents having an active part in our jerking it. Be cool and non give-a-shiat about it. Don't offer up spank help.

Now, during "the talk" make it known that if he can't get condoms that you'd be more than happy to buy them. if he's uncomfortable with asking directly then just keep a box in a closet. If you notice it's gone, or the empty box is all that's left then you'd replace it.
2014-01-31 05:10:19 PM  
1 votes:
Great going Mom, you just made sure he is going to do it with some boy instead!
2014-01-31 03:56:39 PM  
1 votes:

serial_crusher: WTF is this "shower gel" crap?  Use a bar of soap like a real man.


I was going to make a snide post about how I find it interesting that using bar soap is somehow tied to you masculinity but I realized that  I felt uncomfortable about posting it without somehow pointing out that I use bar soap.  This sort of crap needs to stop. We do this to young people of both genders all the time and it's sick.  It preys on our most ingrained need to fit in which is a byproduct of our evolution as a social species.  Advertisers are literally exploiting our basestinstincts to make money by selling us toxic products and unrealistic ideals and we help them every day.  Only our twisted civilization could possibly draw a link between the brand or type of soap we use and our worthiness for breeding.
2014-01-31 01:12:33 PM  
1 votes:
I have an eleven-year-old son. I have a hard enough time getting him to read anything. I do not find it likely that he would read what is on a shower gel bottle. Not many people do.

Secondly, let the kid use the damn stuff. If he does think he's going to get laid by using it (which is unlikely), he will learn an important life lesson when he does not: you have to be rich to get laid.
2014-01-31 11:38:14 AM  
1 votes:

fsufan: Not sure about that Axe crap..... but the smell of money always brings the babes like yard dogs on a bone.

[cdn2.mademan.com image 200x272]

[ts3.mm.bing.net image 300x225]


"Our latest men's fragrance that is  very popular with the ladies is a subtle blend of leather, chocolate and gold bullion."
2014-01-31 11:29:56 AM  
1 votes:
When he saw what she had done,
He gave his mother 41.
2014-01-31 11:04:04 AM  
1 votes:

give me doughnuts: Prom night, 1982.

[fimgs.net image 300x360]

The smell of this shiat permeated the place.
Much like the interior of  theorellior's friend's car.


media.melty.fr
2014-01-31 10:58:38 AM  
1 votes:
i1.ytimg.com
2014-01-31 10:49:59 AM  
1 votes:
I delicately told him this was not appropriate for kids his age

"Son, only 10-year-olds wear Axe."
2014-01-31 10:43:03 AM  
1 votes:

Bedstead Polisher: abfalter: I feel sorry for the husband of this shrew.  His sex life must be awful, if it even exists.

They created a child. That's enough.


I don't know. She might have been vacuuming and just accidently fell on her husband's pecker. That's not sex, is it?
2014-01-31 10:36:28 AM  
1 votes:

There's Always A Bloody Ghost: UberDave: RedPhoenix122: Oddly enough, by throwing it out and buying stuff that doesn't smell douche, he's more likely to get laid, not less.

Yep.  She should go with Old Spice or Brüt...talk about chick magnet.

Both Old Spice and Brut are irresistible to women, especially women over 45. If our fathers wore it, chances are we'll like it on our boyfriends/husbands.


Then you need therapy.

"MMMM MMMMM, this guy smells like my dad, god I want to fark him".
2014-01-31 10:26:56 AM  
1 votes:

Mell of a Hess:  Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.

A - I didn't ask, and how could I?  Why would I?

2nd - Get off your fat ass, and go clean your son's and husband's bathroom.  Now.


..and get 'em a sandwich.
2014-01-31 10:24:56 AM  
1 votes:

Somacandra: FTFA: I am hoping our son won't mind going back to the SpongeBob shower gel he used to use, but I doubt it.

Hmmm. On second thought, you're a coont. I hope he drowns you in Axe when he figures that out. A decent parent would still allow him to pick from a set of choices at the store. He's 11, not a toddler.


I was like, Spongebob shower gel?? WTF is wrong with Ivory Bar soap?  And then you were like, choice... hmmm. Choice.
If I took my 14-yo boy to the store and allowed him to select his own bath products, would he farking CHOOSE to use soap already?
Without having to be SENT BACK to the shower? EwUgh! WTF was he doing in there for 15 m... don't answer that.
2014-01-31 10:23:42 AM  
1 votes:

Fissile: I'll bet mom was a freak in her younger days.   Funny how the hoes and freaks all turn into Victorian prudes when time catches up to them and they no longer get any looks.


The hpv, open herpes sores, and the anal fissures and warts are grim reminders of her care free days.
2014-01-31 10:22:43 AM  
1 votes:

scottydoesntknow: amindtat: So any suggestions on a better product than Axe that I can spray on my 11 year old to keep him from stinking, yet not have everyone point and laugh at him?

Why does your child have a perpetual stink? Why can't he just bathe and wear some deodorant?

Those are the actual questions you need to be asking.


It's not perpetual BO, it's just that boy stink that creeps in after awhile. Why? He doesn't know. And his name actually is Scott. So Scotty doesn't know why stinks. But Scotty does know that the girl that he likes but is "absolutely-positively-not-my-girlfriend" likes when he smells nice.
2014-01-31 10:21:20 AM  
1 votes:

DrewCurtisJr: VladTheEmailer: My teen boy has Axe. He was bought it as a present from his gparents.
He likes the smell, which admittedly is marginally better than unmasked teen boy smell.

?. Happy birthday grandson, here's some toiletries.


Christmas, actually.

And in their defense they usually dump a load of presents on the kids and I think it gets to a point where they're randomly pulling shiat off of shelves.

This could also have been prompted by our account of picking him up from a week long Scout trip...where we had to keep the car windows down and strip in the laundry room.
2014-01-31 10:19:48 AM  
1 votes:
Geez, the kids 11. Any good mom would buy the kid a bottle of Drakker, a box of condoms, and maybe a couple of roofies to increase his odds.

How dare she approach the topic of the commercialism of sex and how messages sent in the media, might not be appropriate or represent a healthy view of the opposite sex. The biatch.
2014-01-31 10:19:23 AM  
1 votes:
 Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.

A - I didn't ask, and how could I?  Why would I?

2nd - Get off your fat ass, and go clean your son's and husband's bathroom.  Now.
2014-01-31 10:13:17 AM  
1 votes:
Overbearing mother or Axe products...

Damn it, its the cops framing Bieber thread all over again.
2014-01-31 10:12:50 AM  
1 votes:

Langdon Alger: thats right. careful there lad. you could knock up a gal and be stuck with a woman like mom.


Or, he could use Old Spice and be stuck with... mom.
2014-01-31 10:10:49 AM  
1 votes:
Clearly every time the son walked by mother, Niagara Falls ensued.
2014-01-31 10:08:55 AM  
1 votes:
Kris Hey

i171.photobucket.com
2014-01-31 10:07:22 AM  
1 votes:

kvinesknows: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
[bio.tribune.com image 850x555]


TWO WEEKS!?
2014-01-31 10:05:15 AM  
1 votes:

jso2897: I see people post things on Fark sometimes that just make my mind wander away, muttering to itself.


Patchouli is like Sex Panther. It helps you find the hippie pagan chicks. All I can say is that I speak from experience.
2014-01-31 10:03:57 AM  
1 votes:
I went to a bar with my roomate once, every guy there must have drowned themselves in Axe. The reek made me long for the days of smoke stink in bars. For a while she was dating a guy that used it the smae way. I would make her fabreeze the couch and wash any blanket he used, his stank just got everywhere it was like the BO episode of Seinfeld.
2014-01-31 10:03:24 AM  
1 votes:
I hate to break it to you but marketing uses, or manufactures, insecurities to sell you stuff you never needed.  Little Jonny isn't trying to get laid, Little Jonny is worried he won't fit in and he was told this will help.

Now when Little Jonny becomes Bro Jon frat boy then the smell just serves as a warning
2014-01-31 10:03:03 AM  
1 votes:

apoptotic: Yeah, this doesn't sound like a completely concocted scenario at all.


And in no way is this a "viral" marketing campaign by the makers of Axe.  No siree.
 
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