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(Orlando Sentinel)   "My son is 11. He is not getting dirty with any female anytime soon. Not as long as I am around. So I threw out the bottle of Axe Body Wash. It just promotes sex, not cleanliness"   (orlandosentinel.com ) divider line
    More: Florida, shower gel, axe, female anytime  
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9012 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Jan 2014 at 9:56 AM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-01-31 09:31:52 AM  
16 votes:
Oddly enough, by throwing it out and buying stuff that doesn't smell douche, he's more likely to get laid, not less.
2014-01-31 10:00:16 AM  
8 votes:
FTFA: I am hoping our son won't mind going back to the SpongeBob shower gel he used to use, but I doubt it.

Hmmm. On second thought, you're a coont. I hope he drowns you in Axe when he figures that out. A decent parent would still allow him to pick from a set of choices at the store. He's 11, not a toddler.
2014-01-31 09:56:02 AM  
7 votes:
It promotes douchebaggery, not sex. The sexual imagery is just the route to douchebaggery. A decent body wash with a loofah will be fine. If the kid wants to get laid, he'll discover patchouli oil soon enough.
2014-01-31 09:44:44 AM  
7 votes:
I'm calling it now, her son will be a father by 16
2014-01-31 09:36:21 AM  
7 votes:
What do you think?

I think you're getting far too bent out of shape over marketing that even your son, the consumer, was obvlious to.

And what RedPhoenix122 said.
2014-01-31 10:08:58 AM  
5 votes:
This is again a case of bored housewife syndrome. "I need some fodder for my blog, so I'm going to go on a rampage against a shower gel to prove to other bored housewives I'm a better mom and more intelligent." Lady, talk to your son about sex. The age for a first encounter has dropped to 13. He is two years away from boinking some girl behind the school shed. Now is not the time to cling onto your baby boy and force him back to his spongebob bath products. Let him have the damn nasty shower gel. Then have some real discussions about sex and the good choices you will hope he makes like using condoms. Or you know continue to infantize him refusing to let him grow up in your mind and see how that works for you.
2014-01-31 10:01:34 AM  
4 votes:
NOOOOO Mommy's little boy can't grow up!!!  Stay here with Mommy!!! I'll protect you from those wretched little whores!!! They only want to hurt you!!!
2014-01-31 09:57:10 AM  
4 votes:
I feel sorry for the husband of this shrew.  His sex life must be awful, if it even exists.
2014-01-31 10:15:30 AM  
3 votes:

Diogenes: What do you think?

I think you're getting far too bent out of shape over marketing that even your son, the consumer, was obvlious to.

And what RedPhoenix122 said.


Yeah, big farkinig deal, it's marketing, and it happens all of the time. This lady needs to untwist the panties.

As for Axe, I don't know that it smells bad as much as kids use WAY too much of it. When I was in high school, it bounced around between Polo, Obsession and Drakkar, but everyone did the same thing, they bathed in it. Nobody remember that, though, because it's always fun to "These kids nowadays" like thing just changed overnight.
2014-01-31 10:04:18 AM  
3 votes:
(Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.)

Maybe they're using their own bathroom instead of both your husband and you sharing yours is because, you, Ma'am are an asshole?!
2014-01-31 10:01:04 AM  
3 votes:

Somacandra: It promotes douchebaggery, not sex. The sexual imagery is just the route to douchebaggery. A decent body wash with a loofah will be fine. If the kid wants to get laid, he'll discover patchouli oil soon enough.


If patchouli oil gets you laid, it's time to move out of the OWS tent city.
2014-01-31 10:46:31 AM  
2 votes:

theflatline: 69gnarkill69: theflatline: There's Always A Bloody Ghost: UberDave: RedPhoenix122: Oddly enough, by throwing it out and buying stuff that doesn't smell douche, he's more likely to get laid, not less.

Yep.  She should go with Old Spice or Brüt...talk about chick magnet.

Both Old Spice and Brut are irresistible to women, especially women over 45. If our fathers wore it, chances are we'll like it on our boyfriends/husbands.

Then you need therapy.

"MMMM MMMMM, this guy smells like my dad, god I want to fark him".

So, you are the only farker who's never met a woman with daddy issues?

I am old and I have met and bangulated many, but you would not think it odd in the heat of the moment, passions rising, if some woman told you you smelled like dear old dad?

"God, I am so wet, you have me trembling, and you smell like pops"

[starsmedia.ign.com image 460x276]


You do know that a lot of girls don't immediately recognize it as their dad's cologne/smell. It's a familiar smell to them. It makes them feel more comfortable.
2014-01-31 10:22:43 AM  
2 votes:

scottydoesntknow: amindtat: So any suggestions on a better product than Axe that I can spray on my 11 year old to keep him from stinking, yet not have everyone point and laugh at him?

Why does your child have a perpetual stink? Why can't he just bathe and wear some deodorant?

Those are the actual questions you need to be asking.


It's not perpetual BO, it's just that boy stink that creeps in after awhile. Why? He doesn't know. And his name actually is Scott. So Scotty doesn't know why stinks. But Scotty does know that the girl that he likes but is "absolutely-positively-not-my-girlfriend" likes when he smells nice.
2014-01-31 10:12:39 AM  
2 votes:
The only thing Axe products promote is asthma attacks.
2014-01-31 10:12:09 AM  
2 votes:
Isn't this the axe bodywash that smells like chocolate?  How is that NOT awesome to a kid?  Yeah, he likes the smell, the smell is the greatest thing he has access to.

Also, this is a crazy raging coont.  "My husband and son share a bathroom.  I have my own bathroom.  It's the clean one."  It sounds like this lunatic has been doing everything to ensure that her family avoids close contact with her for years.  Also, she's just gone way overboard on the Axe thing and made this a great mystery that will captivate him and make him wonder if body wash really WILL make girls fawn all over him.
2014-01-31 10:10:28 AM  
2 votes:
" Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.)"

Goddammit men, stop mating with women like this.
2014-01-31 10:08:47 AM  
2 votes:
FTFA: (Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.)

Calling bullshiat on this one too. EVERY single woman's bathroom (except my wife, bless her) I've ever been in is a fetid swamp of hair, products and insecurity. They are never cleaner than mine.
2014-01-31 10:08:09 AM  
2 votes:

Somacandra: It promotes douchebaggery, not sex. The sexual imagery is just the route to douchebaggery. A decent body wash with a loofah will be fine. If the kid wants to get laid, he'll discover patchouli oil soon enough.


Patchouli makes me think of a hippie girl, not a guy.

Advice which is worth exactly what you paid for it follows ...
Bathe with this - (Lemon & Verbena):
ecx.images-amazon.com
And, for when you get older - (spicy and dry):

Make sure you use this - (Unscented)
ecx.images-amazon.com
And this:
www.dentist.net
Avoid cigarettes and too much caffeine.
Now, go on your way my son.  The rest is up to you.
2014-01-31 10:07:59 AM  
2 votes:

kvinesknows: (Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.)

what a fugging biatch.

Is the boy adopted? because I seriously wonder if she has ever allowed herself to be farked.

also... seriously... they actually bothered to talk to him about it?  WTF is wrong with that biatch? throw it out because its crap.  And take a quick wif lady.. are your loins on fire?  no?  in fact you are repulsed?  yeah...  think about that for a moment


So you only clean your bathroom?  Is that a Canadian thing?

Women are far dirtier in bathrooms than men.
2014-01-31 10:07:08 AM  
2 votes:
Mother do you think they'll drop the bomb?
2014-01-31 10:06:52 AM  
2 votes:

DarkSoulNoHope: (Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.)

Maybe they're using their own bathroom instead of both your husband and you sharing yours is because, you, Ma'am are an asshole?!


Yeah her husband must need a quiet place to jerkoff.
2014-01-31 10:06:49 AM  
2 votes:
thats right. careful there lad. you could knock up a gal and be stuck with a woman like mom.
2014-01-31 10:06:30 AM  
2 votes:
img.gawkerassets.com
2014-01-31 10:06:01 AM  
2 votes:
I went to my husband, who, of course, bought our son the Axe, not having a clue the label read like a sex product.


That's old Dad, completely oblivious to the world around him (or so he tells you).  We certainly cant have him steering his son into manhood.
2014-01-31 10:05:48 AM  
2 votes:

Somacandra: jso2897: I see people post things on Fark sometimes that just make my mind wander away, muttering to itself.

Patchouli is like Sex Panther. It helps you find the hippie pagan chicks. All I can say is that I speak from experience.


So 60% of the time it works every time?
2014-01-31 10:05:15 AM  
2 votes:

jso2897: I see people post things on Fark sometimes that just make my mind wander away, muttering to itself.


Patchouli is like Sex Panther. It helps you find the hippie pagan chicks. All I can say is that I speak from experience.
2014-01-31 10:03:03 AM  
2 votes:

apoptotic: Yeah, this doesn't sound like a completely concocted scenario at all.


And in no way is this a "viral" marketing campaign by the makers of Axe.  No siree.
2014-01-31 10:02:15 AM  
2 votes:
I went to my husband, who, of course, bought our son the Axe

And thus began the legend of George Washington.
2014-01-31 10:00:48 AM  
2 votes:
Yeah, this doesn't sound like a completely concocted scenario at all.
2014-01-31 09:59:30 AM  
2 votes:

abfalter: I feel sorry for the husband of this shrew.  His sex life must be awful, if it even exists.


They created a child. That's enough.
2014-01-31 06:05:05 PM  
1 vote:

CeroX: I'm going to buy or DL his porn for him (mostly so he's not surfing unsafe porn sites and infecting his computer, or delving into the illegal) and give him a box of tissues and say "Stick a sock on the doorknob to let us know when we need to stay out.


How about knocking before just waltzing into his room when his door is closed?
2014-01-31 03:56:39 PM  
1 vote:

serial_crusher: WTF is this "shower gel" crap?  Use a bar of soap like a real man.


I was going to make a snide post about how I find it interesting that using bar soap is somehow tied to you masculinity but I realized that  I felt uncomfortable about posting it without somehow pointing out that I use bar soap.  This sort of crap needs to stop. We do this to young people of both genders all the time and it's sick.  It preys on our most ingrained need to fit in which is a byproduct of our evolution as a social species.  Advertisers are literally exploiting our basestinstincts to make money by selling us toxic products and unrealistic ideals and we help them every day.  Only our twisted civilization could possibly draw a link between the brand or type of soap we use and our worthiness for breeding.
2014-01-31 03:34:27 PM  
1 vote:
"Not as long as I am around."

Aw hell naw, lady.

Humans are sexual beings.  Your 11-year-old already get frequent boners and understands that touching his genitals feels pleasurable.

In the next couple years, if he hasn't already, he is going to start masturbating.  A lot.  Like, double-your-laundry-detergent budget a lot.

Within a few years after that, he will likely start being sexually active with other people.  Learn to accept this.  It is what animals with mature reproductive systems do.

If you're not capable of instilling a healthy attitude towards sex in him, find him a relative or some other mentor who can.  Otherwise you will be a grandmother before you know it.
2014-01-31 03:06:22 PM  
1 vote:

MutantMotherMouse: Epic Fap Session: Somacandra: It promotes douchebaggery, not sex. The sexual imagery is just the route to douchebaggery. A decent body wash with a loofah will be fine. If the kid wants to get laid, he'll discover patchouli oil soon enough.

If patchouli oil gets you laid, it's time to move out of the OWS tent city.

Now I feel less bad about not knowin what patchouli oil is, but vaguely thinking it was some hippy sort of thing.

A soap and deodorant is all a man needs. A tiny spritz of good cologne is a bonus.


This is truth.  My daily regimen is plain old Ivory soap, and Arm&Hammer deodorant.  The wife digs it a lot. My workwife likes it. I've had women I work with compliment me on smelling "fresh".

If dressing up to go out, I will apply a very conservative amount of Stetson Black. It's enough for anybody hugging to catch a subtle sniff, but not enough for casual passersby to be really aware of it.  It's a nice earthy scent, with sandalwood and leather undertones.

Your sense of self and personal presence should say far more about you than your scent.
2014-01-31 11:42:03 AM  
1 vote:
Here's what I just read:

rack.1.mshcdn.com

"It's not my fault for being a bad parent and not knowing what my child got!  It's THEIR fault for taking advantage of my stupid husband and letting them corrupt my precious little 11-year-old snowflake!  Someone needs to get their little bottom sued off!  Waaaaaahhh!!!"

Here's what I think really happened: Dad was trying to pull a "that's my boy" move by trying to make his son more of a man and didn't think his wife would flip out like she did.  He then claimed ignorance to save face.  Either that, or the dad really was this stupid and has been living under a rock for the past 12 years or so, since he was so blissfully unaware that Axe is marketed to teens and college students.
2014-01-31 11:18:39 AM  
1 vote:

give me doughnuts: Prom night, 1982.

[fimgs.net image 300x360]

The smell of this shiat permeated the place.
Much like the interior of  theorellior's friend's car.


I live near a High School. The other month, while riding my bike one Sunday and doing a circuit around the school (it's on the way back from my route and on a good long hill), I started coughing as I neared the corner to go around the street that borders the front. An entire city block away was the entrance, and at that entrance were about 30 HS girls, all DRENCHED IN PERFUME. I could barely breathe as I passed the front. I was maybe 30 feet away from them at my closest, and it was unbearable. Jesus frigging Christ, less is more!
2014-01-31 11:18:11 AM  
1 vote:

Coming on a Bicycle: People shouldn't be so fuggin' afraid of smelling each other. Especially Americans. Human body smell is - under most circumstances - completely acceptable.


What I don't understand is the use of deodorant. Worried about how you smell? Take a shower.
2014-01-31 11:13:18 AM  
1 vote:
I feel sorry for any 11 year old that's already trying to get laid. You don't realize what a gift childhood is until you're an old fart like me. Stay a goddamn kid a few more years. There will be plenty of time for pussy.
2014-01-31 10:42:12 AM  
1 vote:
The only people who buy into Old Spice and Axe's marketing are loser nerds who frequent "pick up artist" forums and think pheromones work (hint: they don't) and preteen and teenage boys.
2014-01-31 10:39:09 AM  
1 vote:
northhigh73.com

Everything old is new again.,
2014-01-31 10:36:18 AM  
1 vote:
img.fark.net

if you want to sleep with that woman find out what cologne her father uses.

\works surprisingly well.
2014-01-31 10:22:27 AM  
1 vote:

baconbeard: Everyone knows that the secret to getting the ladies is extremely generous doses of Drakkar Noir.


Odour de jour for the 80's man:

fimgs.net
2014-01-31 10:21:41 AM  
1 vote:

Somacandra: FTFA: (Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.)

Calling bullshiat on this one too. EVERY single woman's bathroom (except my wife, bless her) I've ever been in is a fetid swamp of hair, products and insecurity. They are never cleaner than mine.


So much that! Before my roomate moved back in with me my bathroom was nice all I had on the sink was my toothbrush, toothpaste and shaving cream. She moved in and it was hair and vagisil everywhere! Floor covered in underwear, bras on the door knob, makeup ,makeup makeup and WTF with the glitter!? I'd take a pic but her mom was here last week and cleaned it and apologized to me for her being such a slob.
2014-01-31 10:19:27 AM  
1 vote:
I'll bet mom was a freak in her younger days.   Funny how the hoes and freaks all turn into Victorian prudes when time catches up to them and they no longer get any looks.
2014-01-31 10:19:04 AM  
1 vote:
Some of the newer Axe scents in shower gels do smell really nice - this woman is crazy and I feel sorry for her son and husband. I buy lots of shower gel and never read the marketing paragraphs on them - I open the bottle and do a sniff test. If I really like the scent, great, I buy it, I don't care what company made it.  I'm not a lifetime loyal customer to any company for bath products.
2014-01-31 10:17:34 AM  
1 vote:

jso2897: I see people post things on Fark sometimes that just make my mind wander away, muttering to itself.


He's right, though. There's a pretty good correlation between liking patchouli oil, and women who freely pursue their sexuality for recreation, without hang-up.
2014-01-31 10:16:49 AM  
1 vote:

RedPhoenix122: Oddly enough, by throwing it out and buying stuff that doesn't smell douche, he's more likely to get laid, not less.


Realizing I do indeed have issues, there is no smell I appreciate more than the smell of a woman freshly bathed with Ivory soap.
2014-01-31 10:15:06 AM  
1 vote:
Don't worry Kris Hey the public embarrassment should be enough to doom your son's chances.
2014-01-31 10:12:19 AM  
1 vote:

Mell of a Hess: Patchouli makes me think of a hippie girl, not a guy.


And that is precisely why you wear it around them. That's the point.
2014-01-31 10:08:33 AM  
1 vote:
When he is older he can decide if he wants to use Axe.

Haha, good one. Like you'll ever let him make his own decisions! "Not under my roof, little mister!"
2014-01-31 10:07:07 AM  
1 vote:

grinding_journalist: Diogenes: I think you're getting far too bent out of shape over marketing that even your son, the consumer, was obvlious to.

I can't recall if you're male, but if you are and you think and 11-year old boy is oblivious to Axe's marketing that invariably features attractive females showering affectionate attention on a guy, you're...well, a bit out of touch.


He might be aware.  But if you want to go there (thinking like an 11 year old) he might want it simply because everyone else is using it, too.
2014-01-31 10:05:41 AM  
1 vote:

HotWingConspiracy: It's like a weaponized Ed Hardy shirt.


Apropos of nothing, this makes me wonder if you could rig up a version of the office cubicle hand grenade (febreze can zip-tied) with a can of axe. Go into a hipster bar, yell "FIRE IN THE HOLE", and toss it.
2014-01-31 10:03:57 AM  
1 vote:
I went to a bar with my roomate once, every guy there must have drowned themselves in Axe. The reek made me long for the days of smoke stink in bars. For a while she was dating a guy that used it the smae way. I would make her fabreeze the couch and wash any blanket he used, his stank just got everywhere it was like the BO episode of Seinfeld.
2014-01-31 10:03:39 AM  
1 vote:
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
bio.tribune.com
2014-01-31 10:03:24 AM  
1 vote:
I hate to break it to you but marketing uses, or manufactures, insecurities to sell you stuff you never needed.  Little Jonny isn't trying to get laid, Little Jonny is worried he won't fit in and he was told this will help.

Now when Little Jonny becomes Bro Jon frat boy then the smell just serves as a warning
2014-01-31 10:02:13 AM  
1 vote:
(Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.)

what a fugging biatch.

Is the boy adopted? because I seriously wonder if she has ever allowed herself to be farked.

also... seriously... they actually bothered to talk to him about it?  WTF is wrong with that biatch? throw it out because its crap.  And take a quick wif lady.. are your loins on fire?  no?  in fact you are repulsed?  yeah...  think about that for a moment
2014-01-31 10:00:00 AM  
1 vote:

Somacandra: It promotes douchebaggery, not sex. The sexual imagery is just the route to douchebaggery. A decent body wash with a loofah will be fine. If the kid wants to get laid, he'll discover patchouli oil soon enough.


Or lavender.  Biatches love lavender.
2014-01-31 09:59:52 AM  
1 vote:

Somacandra: It promotes douchebaggery, not sex. The sexual imagery is just the route to douchebaggery. A decent body wash with a loofah will be fine. If the kid wants to get laid, he'll discover patchouli oil soon enough.


I see people post things on Fark sometimes that just make my mind wander away, muttering to itself.
2014-01-31 09:58:54 AM  
1 vote:

Diogenes: I think you're getting far too bent out of shape over marketing that even your son, the consumer, was obvlious to.


I can't recall if you're male, but if you are and you think and 11-year old boy is oblivious to Axe's marketing that invariably features attractive females showering affectionate attention on a guy, you're...well, a bit out of touch.
2014-01-31 09:57:45 AM  
1 vote:

RedPhoenix122: Oddly enough, by throwing it out and buying stuff that doesn't smell douche, he's more likely to get laid, not less.


Yep.  She should go with Old Spice or Brüt...talk about chick magnet.
2014-01-31 09:48:02 AM  
1 vote:

RedPhoenix122: Oddly enough, by throwing it out and buying stuff that doesn't smell douche, he's more likely to get laid, not less.


This.  An overuse of that shiatty Axe crap is female repellent.
 
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