Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Orlando Sentinel)   "My son is 11. He is not getting dirty with any female anytime soon. Not as long as I am around. So I threw out the bottle of Axe Body Wash. It just promotes sex, not cleanliness"   (orlandosentinel.com) divider line 278
    More: Florida, shower gel, axe, female anytime  
•       •       •

8990 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Jan 2014 at 9:56 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



278 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | » | Last | Show all
 
2014-01-31 11:55:12 AM  
ts4.mm.bing.net
Not even this biatch could stand the smell.
 
2014-01-31 11:59:55 AM  

Epic Fap Session: Somacandra: It promotes douchebaggery, not sex. The sexual imagery is just the route to douchebaggery. A decent body wash with a loofah will be fine. If the kid wants to get laid, he'll discover patchouli oil soon enough.

If patchouli oil gets you laid, it's time to move out of the OWS tent city.


Now I feel less bad about not knowin what patchouli oil is, but vaguely thinking it was some hippy sort of thing.

A soap and deodorant is all a man needs. A tiny spritz of good cologne is a bonus.
 
2014-01-31 12:04:05 PM  

vudukungfu: The mind of an adolescent boy.
I'm not getting laid, I'M GONNA DIE A VIRGIN!!!
Better take longer showers, maybe I smell.
I'm not getting laid.
Better wear cooler clothes.
I'm not getting laid.
Better slather scented crap on.
I'm not getting laid.
Better drive faster
I'm not getting laid.
Selfies of junk sent to random girls.
I'm not getting laid.

Repeat until old, fat, bald.


Inside the mind of a teenager:

I'm broke
My feet hurt
And that biatch be slippin'
 
2014-01-31 12:05:21 PM  

kvinesknows: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
[bio.tribune.com image 850x555]


Major Winchester!
 
2014-01-31 12:05:39 PM  

theorellior: Satan's Bunny Slippers: Yes I know. It wasn't a mystery.

Sorry, I wasn't trying to be snarky, just ruefully observant.


I'm sorry I misunderstood you.   *shakes hand*

:)
 
2014-01-31 12:06:08 PM  

MutantMotherMouse: Epic Fap Session: Somacandra: It promotes douchebaggery, not sex. The sexual imagery is just the route to douchebaggery. A decent body wash with a loofah will be fine. If the kid wants to get laid, he'll discover patchouli oil soon enough.

If patchouli oil gets you laid, it's time to move out of the OWS tent city.

Now I feel less bad about not knowin what patchouli oil is, but vaguely thinking it was some hippy sort of thing.

A soap and deodorant is all a man needs. A tiny spritz of good cologne is a bonus.


Patchouli is what hippies think is an acceptable replacement to bathing...

It might "smell" of patchouli, but it's going to taste like a batch of beer that sat in the fermenter with a yeast bomb 4 months too long...
 
2014-01-31 12:08:01 PM  

hailin: Oh let me guess...that study relied on surveys from teenagers. There is no way the majority of people's first sexual encounter was 17. I started when I was 15 and the last of all the girls I knew in high school to lose her virginity.

Yeah, yeah...we were all sluts. I stayed with the same guy I lost my virginity to for four years. It wasn't until college I decided sex was a recreational activity separate from love and turned into a super slut.


WTH are you on about?  I didn't call you a slut.

You have described very precisely how sexual norms are very localized and highly variant between small populations.  The average*age of virginity loss is 17 until you provide evidence otherwise.

* For a self-described "geek girl" you seem to have a an imperfect understanding of the concept of averages.
 
2014-01-31 12:09:18 PM  

theflatline: Satan's Bunny Slippers: abhorrent1: [i1.ytimg.com image 640x480]

Was it her?

ohgodohgodohgod I hate those commercials sooooo much!  The stupid burns.

As for blogger mommy with real issues, he's an 11 year old boy.  Be glad he's USING soap.

When he was about that age, my kid would wet the bar of soap while taking a bath , but not use it.  :/  I had to resort to post bath inspections for a while.  Then he hit 13, and we eventually had to have the "stop drowning yourself in all the shampoo/soap/deodorant/aftershave you can find in the bathroom".

Was quite the pattern change.  :)

I had a cousin who used to fill the tub up and stick his head in, and wrap a towel around his waist, and come out and proudly proclaim he had bathed.

His dad said "no you didn't" because he dad had stuck a 20 dollar bill under the bar of soap and it was still there.

He subsequently had to take a bathe in the front yard in a metal tub while my uncle hosed him off.

The 20 had been under the soap for 4 frigging days.


Now I wish I had thought of that!!!!
 
2014-01-31 12:13:51 PM  

Somacandra: It promotes douchebaggery, not sex. The sexual imagery is just the route to douchebaggery. A decent body wash with a loofah will be fine. If the kid wants to get laid, he'll discover patchouli oil soon enough.


This is about people who bathe, not people who wear patchouli.
 
2014-01-31 12:15:45 PM  

amindtat: So any suggestions on a better product than Axe that I can spray on my 11 year old to keep him from stinking, yet not have everyone point and laugh at him?


Lysol? Febreeze?

/ parent of a stinky teen and an almost-teen who seems to have developed a water allergy...
 
2014-01-31 12:17:46 PM  

kvinesknows: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
[bio.tribune.com image 850x555]


Weeners:
"
Ed Howard1 at 10:20 AM January 31, 2014
I can just picture the clutching of pearls going on.  Quick hubby, bring the fainting couch!
"

That plus them all having separate bathrooms that needs to be clarified.  My god what a nightmare of a stereotype harpy.
 
2014-01-31 12:18:49 PM  
The only chick magnet worth using.
i183.photobucket.com
 
2014-01-31 12:19:30 PM  

Fecal Conservative: What's his future fark handle?


IMurderedMyMomWithAxe?
 
2014-01-31 12:23:00 PM  

MaritimeGirl: Some of the newer Axe scents in shower gels do smell really nice - this woman is crazy and I feel sorry for her son and husband. I buy lots of shower gel and never read the marketing paragraphs on them - I open the bottle and do a sniff test. If I really like the scent, great, I buy it, I don't care what company made it.  I'm not a lifetime loyal customer to any company for bath products.


I'll admit it: I use the Axe Phoenix body wash.  I think it has a pleasant scent that's not nearly as overpowering or downright offensive as many other products (other Axe products included).  More importantly, my wife likes it :)

Of course, that doesn't mean that I buy into their moronic marketing campaign.  I use it because I like it, not because I really believe it's some kind of magic sex potion.
 
2014-01-31 12:23:56 PM  
Or, maybe that new hair care sensation, Conditioner Gordon?
 
2014-01-31 12:25:04 PM  

CeroX: This is hilarious, I bought my son (8) an Axe gift set for Christmas this year, so I'm getting a kick. My wife isn't an insufferable prude though... which is nice...

He's still at the age where he doesn't get man-stink, but I want to get him in the habit now so when puberty starts to kick in, he will be ahead of the curve.

I myself had an insufferable prude of a mother growing up who tried to punish puberty back inside me. I went from being allowed to take showers at the age of 10 to being forced to take baths at 12 (so she could hear the splashing water if i has jerking off).

I'd like to see my son be more successful as a teenager than I was allowed to be...


damn
 
2014-01-31 12:31:40 PM  
I've found this stuff really does the job

moccasinjoedist.com
 
2014-01-31 12:36:06 PM  
i.chzbgr.com
 
2014-01-31 12:42:49 PM  

CeroX: This is hilarious, I bought my son (8) an Axe gift set for Christmas this year, so I'm getting a kick. My wife isn't an insufferable prude though... which is nice...

He's still at the age where he doesn't get man-stink, but I want to get him in the habit now so when puberty starts to kick in, he will be ahead of the curve.

I myself had an insufferable prude of a mother growing up who tried to punish puberty back inside me. I went from being allowed to take showers at the age of 10 to being forced to take baths at 12 (so she could hear the splashing water if i has jerking off).

I'd like to see my son be more successful as a teenager than I was allowed to be...


OK folks, here's proof that these mothers fark people up.

Could you not wank it underwater?  Or just stand up and use the toilet paper or something.  I mean, I know you don't want to swim in watered down spooge, but grab something.  We aren't talking about a visual inspection.
 
2014-01-31 12:47:43 PM  
www.funnyloves.com
 
2014-01-31 12:52:48 PM  

Treetop1000: The only chick magnet worth using.
[i183.photobucket.com image 500x500]


Smell like a real man...

images.fendrihan.com
 
2014-01-31 12:54:40 PM  
Sounds like this lady needs more important things to worry about.
 
2014-01-31 12:59:06 PM  

UberDave: RedPhoenix122: Oddly enough, by throwing it out and buying stuff that doesn't smell douche, he's more likely to get laid, not less.

Yep.  She should go with Old Spice or Brüt...talk about chick magnet.


Hai Karate!

Chicks dig it!
 
2014-01-31 01:11:31 PM  
Boy, she really teed that one up for us, didn't she?
 
2014-01-31 01:12:33 PM  
I have an eleven-year-old son. I have a hard enough time getting him to read anything. I do not find it likely that he would read what is on a shower gel bottle. Not many people do.

Secondly, let the kid use the damn stuff. If he does think he's going to get laid by using it (which is unlikely), he will learn an important life lesson when he does not: you have to be rich to get laid.
 
2014-01-31 01:15:40 PM  

Farty McPooPants: What cologne does this guy wear?
[i.imgur.com image 469x390]


More importantly, why isn't he wearing a bra?
 
2014-01-31 01:18:47 PM  
I used to take Dr. Bronner's soap when I'd go camping.  Not only is it refreshing and easy on the environment, it makes for good (really farking crazy) reading.
 
2014-01-31 01:20:40 PM  

yakmans_dad: Farty McPooPants: What cologne does this guy wear?
[i.imgur.com image 469x390]

More importantly, why isn't he wearing a bra?


Because those chicks are only there to hold up his boobs.

The REAL chcicks are waiting in his quarters.
 
2014-01-31 01:33:34 PM  

Diogenes: I used to take Dr. Bronner's soap when I'd go camping.  Not only is it refreshing and easy on the environment, it makes for good (really farking crazy) reading.


best.soap.ever.
If you can take only 1 item for all purpose cleansing, DB's is it.
 
2014-01-31 01:33:59 PM  

Farty McPooPants: What cologne does this guy wear?
[i.imgur.com image 469x390]
CASH


Works every time!

www.saginawscholarships.com
 
2014-01-31 01:38:33 PM  

69gnarkill69: baconbeard: Everyone knows that the secret to getting the ladies is extremely generous doses of Drakkar Noir.

Odour de jour for the 80's man:

[fimgs.net image 300x308]


I can attest to the fact this worked wonders on the 80s girl.  Had a boyfriend who wore this -- made me hornier than usual (I was quite...um...interested).  Then a friend of my dad's started wearing it and that was the end of that.  If I smell it now I don't think of my old boyfriend but rather my father's friend.
 
2014-01-31 01:42:03 PM  

CeroX: This is hilarious, I bought my son (8) an Axe gift set for Christmas this year, so I'm getting a kick. My wife isn't an insufferable prude though... which is nice...

He's still at the age where he doesn't get man-stink, but I want to get him in the habit now so when puberty starts to kick in, he will be ahead of the curve.

I myself had an insufferable prude of a mother growing up who tried to punish puberty back inside me. I went from being allowed to take showers at the age of 10 to being forced to take baths at 12 (so she could hear the splashing water if i has jerking off).

I'd like to see my son be more successful as a teenager than I was allowed to be...


Psychologist here.  Hope you know your mom was seriously farked up.
 
2014-01-31 01:45:22 PM  
www.asbmb.org
 
2014-01-31 01:48:05 PM  

mike_d85: CeroX: This is hilarious, I bought my son (8) an Axe gift set for Christmas this year, so I'm getting a kick. My wife isn't an insufferable prude though... which is nice...

He's still at the age where he doesn't get man-stink, but I want to get him in the habit now so when puberty starts to kick in, he will be ahead of the curve.

I myself had an insufferable prude of a mother growing up who tried to punish puberty back inside me. I went from being allowed to take showers at the age of 10 to being forced to take baths at 12 (so she could hear the splashing water if i has jerking off).

I'd like to see my son be more successful as a teenager than I was allowed to be...

OK folks, here's proof that these mothers fark people up.

Could you not wank it underwater?  Or just stand up and use the toilet paper or something.  I mean, I know you don't want to swim in watered down spooge, but grab something.  We aren't talking about a visual inspection.


I just learned to wank it elsewhere until i was 14 when i was finally allowed to shower again... by then i couldn't wank in the shower... still can't to this day... it's either at my computer or in the bed, as it has been since i was 12...
 
2014-01-31 02:08:36 PM  
I might be able to understand an 11 year old believing the marketing BS from Axe but a mom should know better.
 
2014-01-31 02:15:12 PM  

People Who Annoy You: Clearly every time the son walked by mother, Niagara Falls ensued.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yJBhzMWJCc

/Slowly, I turned...
 
2014-01-31 02:16:37 PM  
This thread is such a mix of bad trolling, misinformation, and hilarity. But this mother sounds like my mother, except she couldn't use a computer so she couldn't share her insanity with the world.

/Yardley of London Oatmeal soap (found at Dollar Tree), Degree antiperspirant, and a spritz of Burberry weekend if I'm feeling fancy
 
2014-01-31 02:28:59 PM  

VladTheEmailer: My teen boy has Axe. He was bought it as a present from his gparents.
He likes the smell, which admittedly is marginally better than unmasked teen boy smell.

Not so much worried about him being a chick magnet any time soon while his bedroom is covered in Legos. Although the thread with the pornstar caused me to pause.


OK, this doesn't happen often, but that made me laugh pretty hard.

/I proposed to my wife with a lego ring
//I was poor
///she thought it was great.
 
2014-01-31 02:36:54 PM  

Janusdog: Psychologist here. Hope you know your mom was seriously farked up.


She's ultra religious... "better to spill the seed in the belly of a whore than on the ground, so says the bible".

Which meant NO wackin'... ever...

Truthfully, she grew up the only girl with 4 brothers, in a small house. I'm sure she had her share of accidental walk ins on my uncles wackin it and likely scarred her for life of the idea...
 
2014-01-31 02:47:46 PM  
Most of this Body Wash, Body Spray, Man-fume or whatever the hell they're calling it is nothing but a collection of allergy-provoking substances that smell to the average person like a collection of jockstraps taken off the local soccer team after an 8-hour set of activities including but not limited to warm-up, tournament game, and 4-hour boozeup concluded with the traditional farting competition.
The inside of the jockstraps.
 
2014-01-31 03:06:22 PM  

MutantMotherMouse: Epic Fap Session: Somacandra: It promotes douchebaggery, not sex. The sexual imagery is just the route to douchebaggery. A decent body wash with a loofah will be fine. If the kid wants to get laid, he'll discover patchouli oil soon enough.

If patchouli oil gets you laid, it's time to move out of the OWS tent city.

Now I feel less bad about not knowin what patchouli oil is, but vaguely thinking it was some hippy sort of thing.

A soap and deodorant is all a man needs. A tiny spritz of good cologne is a bonus.


This is truth.  My daily regimen is plain old Ivory soap, and Arm&Hammer deodorant.  The wife digs it a lot. My workwife likes it. I've had women I work with compliment me on smelling "fresh".

If dressing up to go out, I will apply a very conservative amount of Stetson Black. It's enough for anybody hugging to catch a subtle sniff, but not enough for casual passersby to be really aware of it.  It's a nice earthy scent, with sandalwood and leather undertones.

Your sense of self and personal presence should say far more about you than your scent.
 
2014-01-31 03:22:15 PM  
WTF is this "shower gel" crap?  Use a bar of soap like a real man.
 
2014-01-31 03:24:21 PM  
Plebs.

www.florislondon.com
 
2014-01-31 03:25:50 PM  
Classic case of Helicopter Mom. A busy-body, bored, probably bitter(hence the separate living quarters), mid-aged woman, who, frankly, needs to get a life. Ironically, she sounds like the mother in the new Old Spice commercial with the creepy moms who won't let go of their sons, so stalks them. The kid is 11! She should be glad he's showering! Her little intro for her blog sounds like she dislikes her son, "unfocused and disorganized" then she's posting this? Poor kid is going to need much need therapy years to come.
 
2014-01-31 03:34:27 PM  
"Not as long as I am around."

Aw hell naw, lady.

Humans are sexual beings.  Your 11-year-old already get frequent boners and understands that touching his genitals feels pleasurable.

In the next couple years, if he hasn't already, he is going to start masturbating.  A lot.  Like, double-your-laundry-detergent budget a lot.

Within a few years after that, he will likely start being sexually active with other people.  Learn to accept this.  It is what animals with mature reproductive systems do.

If you're not capable of instilling a healthy attitude towards sex in him, find him a relative or some other mentor who can.  Otherwise you will be a grandmother before you know it.
 
2014-01-31 03:36:33 PM  
I'll often use Halston Z-14, but lately I've been using this. Good stuff.

ecx.images-amazon.com
 
2014-01-31 03:43:01 PM  
There's a deodorant with the scent if you object, as I do, to the idea of men wearing cologne.

ep.yimg.com
 
2014-01-31 03:43:58 PM  

cynicalbastard: Most of this Body Wash, Body Spray, Man-fume or whatever the hell they're calling it is nothing but a collection of allergy-provoking substances that smell to the average person like a collection of jockstraps taken off the local soccer team after an 8-hour set of activities including but not limited to warm-up, tournament game, and 4-hour boozeup concluded with the traditional farting competition.
The inside of the jockstraps.


I really don't want to know how you know that.
 
2014-01-31 03:44:32 PM  
1)Most of the axe line doesn't smell that bad. Dark Temptation smells pretty good. I would stay away from the body sprays though. I think that's where people get their negative experiences.

2)Someone mentioned earlier that women are more attracted to feminine scents. I think the people at Axe and Old Spice are on to something. Most of their products over the past year or two don't smell very "manly" and I find that whenever I use the shower gel and deodorant combo, I get a lot of complements from women about my scent even though I think I smell like a lady. I'm going to start wearing perfume to see how that works for me.
 
2014-01-31 03:52:08 PM  

CeroX: Janusdog: Psychologist here. Hope you know your mom was seriously farked up.

She's ultra religious... "better to spill the seed in the belly of a whore than on the ground, so says the bible".

Which meant NO wackin'... ever...

Truthfully, she grew up the only girl with 4 brothers, in a small house. I'm sure she had her share of accidental walk ins on my uncles wackin it and likely scarred her for life of the idea...


To me this info just supports what I said.  All I mean is I hope you don't have any residual guilt.  Or swing too far to the other side and overcorrect.  It's not helpful to be too creepily permissive either.  Like there was just a letter to some columnist lately about a father demo-ing a dildo for his daughter so she could have "healthy sexuality".  The extent of the demo was unclear.  But obviously, inappropriate.
 
Displayed 50 of 278 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
Advertisement
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report