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(Orlando Sentinel)   "My son is 11. He is not getting dirty with any female anytime soon. Not as long as I am around. So I threw out the bottle of Axe Body Wash. It just promotes sex, not cleanliness"   (orlandosentinel.com) divider line 278
    More: Florida, shower gel, axe, female anytime  
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8997 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Jan 2014 at 9:56 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-01-31 10:10:28 AM  
" Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.)"

Goddammit men, stop mating with women like this.
 
2014-01-31 10:10:47 AM  

VladTheEmailer: My teen boy has Axe. He was bought it as a present from his gparents.
He likes the smell, which admittedly is marginally better than unmasked teen boy smell.


?. Happy birthday grandson, here's some toiletries.
 
2014-01-31 10:10:49 AM  
Clearly every time the son walked by mother, Niagara Falls ensued.
 
2014-01-31 10:11:13 AM  

Somacandra: jso2897: I see people post things on Fark sometimes that just make my mind wander away, muttering to itself.

Patchouli is like Sex Panther. It helps you find the hippie pagan chicks. All I can say is that I speak from experience.


Thankfully, my hippie pagan wife prefers my natural(non stinky) oder.

And my 11 year old drenches himself in Axe...

It's like walking into a brick wall.

In other words, he's being 11, writer is a coont.
 
2014-01-31 10:11:35 AM  

groppet: I went to a bar with my roomate once, every guy there must have drowned themselves in Axe. The reek made me long for the days of smoke stink in bars. For a while she was dating a guy that used it the smae way. I would make her fabreeze the couch and wash any blanket he used, his stank just got everywhere it was like the BO episode of Seinfeld.


What was her opinion on his level of Axe?
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2014-01-31 10:11:45 AM  
Ok... 11 is too young, but when he gets 5 years of age older and you stop him from getting some sweet lovin' from a a slightly older and experienced female that's freaking child abuse, man.

//puts on asbestos suit...
 
2014-01-31 10:12:04 AM  
She better hide those Sunday Sears advertisments he's whacking off to too.

For his saftey.

/I am so happy my wife plans to let me handle any and all of these talks with the boys
 
2014-01-31 10:12:08 AM  
I use the Axe spray as underarm deodorant, i.e. not as some strange whole body fumigant. I just don't like stick deodorants.
 
2014-01-31 10:12:09 AM  
Isn't this the axe bodywash that smells like chocolate?  How is that NOT awesome to a kid?  Yeah, he likes the smell, the smell is the greatest thing he has access to.

Also, this is a crazy raging coont.  "My husband and son share a bathroom.  I have my own bathroom.  It's the clean one."  It sounds like this lunatic has been doing everything to ensure that her family avoids close contact with her for years.  Also, she's just gone way overboard on the Axe thing and made this a great mystery that will captivate him and make him wonder if body wash really WILL make girls fawn all over him.
 
2014-01-31 10:12:19 AM  

Mell of a Hess: Patchouli makes me think of a hippie girl, not a guy.


And that is precisely why you wear it around them. That's the point.
 
2014-01-31 10:12:39 AM  
The only thing Axe products promote is asthma attacks.
 
2014-01-31 10:12:46 AM  

abfalter: I feel sorry for the husband of this shrew.  His sex life must be awful, if it even exists.


As Pete Seeger said "If I had a hammer, I'd nail that plank".
 
2014-01-31 10:12:50 AM  

Langdon Alger: thats right. careful there lad. you could knock up a gal and be stuck with a woman like mom.


Or, he could use Old Spice and be stuck with... mom.
 
2014-01-31 10:13:17 AM  
Overbearing mother or Axe products...

Damn it, its the cops framing Bieber thread all over again.
 
2014-01-31 10:13:38 AM  
So any suggestions on a better product than Axe that I can spray on my 11 year old to keep him from stinking, yet not have everyone point and laugh at him?
 
2014-01-31 10:14:05 AM  

baka-san: Thankfully, my hippie pagan wife prefers my natural(non stinky) oder.


That's the mark of a more mature hippie pagan woman. A little older and wiser than the target audience I was referring to.
 
2014-01-31 10:14:17 AM  
In my experience a good antiperspirant that is just beginning to lose the battle against a hard days work is what works the best on my wife.  She likes the 'rugged' type though so YMMV.
 
2014-01-31 10:15:00 AM  
Showering with Axe doesn't promote sex. Showering with a friend promotes sex. This woman should be railing against water conservation.
 
2014-01-31 10:15:06 AM  
Don't worry Kris Hey the public embarrassment should be enough to doom your son's chances.
 
2014-01-31 10:15:06 AM  

p the boiler: abfalter: I feel sorry for the husband of this shrew.  His sex life must be awful, if it even exists.

They don't even share a bathroom - my guess is she is a sasquatch


Have you ever smelled a Sasquatch?
 
2014-01-31 10:15:13 AM  
CSB time.

Several years ago when I was a manager at the local Gamestop, we had a large promotional deal with Axe. We were cross-promoting their new Snake Peel brand. But the day we got in the box of a thousand little free samples, the company deep-sided the promotion. They weren't happy about the suggestive nature of the ad; it said something about being seduced by a sword-swallower. So corp sends me an email directing me to throw them out or give them to the employees, just don't give them away to customers. My employees each grabbed a handful and I took the rest of the box home - about three hundred samples. My next day off, Mrs. Samurai and I were going out to dinner. I decided to give the Axe stuff a try, because why not. About five minutes into my shower, I've used two or three of these packets, and she walks into the bathroom to grab something. She gets a whiff of the Snake Peel, and somehow the stuff actually worked like they mentioned in the advertisement - the scent turned her on not a little. We skip dinner.

What's strange is, that brand out of the bottle didn't have the same effect on her (and she thinks the other Axe brands smell like a bar of soap was crossed with cheap cologne). But those samples had some mojo. Every once in a while I'll find one in the back of my bathroom cupboard and completely ruin whatever plans we had for the evening.

So yeah, Axe and the am-bro-ence they promote can EABOD, but whatever they did with those samples, I'd really like to know.
 
2014-01-31 10:15:30 AM  

Diogenes: What do you think?

I think you're getting far too bent out of shape over marketing that even your son, the consumer, was obvlious to.

And what RedPhoenix122 said.


Yeah, big farkinig deal, it's marketing, and it happens all of the time. This lady needs to untwist the panties.

As for Axe, I don't know that it smells bad as much as kids use WAY too much of it. When I was in high school, it bounced around between Polo, Obsession and Drakkar, but everyone did the same thing, they bathed in it. Nobody remember that, though, because it's always fun to "These kids nowadays" like thing just changed overnight.
 
2014-01-31 10:15:48 AM  
Well, axe is for useless fratbros and pre teens. Duh.

Pearl clutching mom can diaf though.
 
2014-01-31 10:15:52 AM  

amindtat: So any suggestions on a better product than Axe that I can spray on my 11 year old to keep him from stinking, yet not have everyone point and laugh at him?


i.imgur.com
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2014-01-31 10:15:57 AM  
blackademics.org

So this is "gross," Mom?  Mom has problems with human sexuality.  Mom needs psychotherapy to work through some childhood issues she had with her dad.
 
2014-01-31 10:15:58 AM  

Somacandra: Mell of a Hess: Patchouli makes me think of a hippie girl, not a guy.

And that is precisely why you wear it around them. That's the point.


Personally, I don't get it.  I have heard the theory that men ought to wear a female scent if they want to attract women, but I really hate it when I smell patchouli and turn around to behold a bra-less paisley tie-dyed young nymph, and instead I see a dumbass wearing dreads and a Che Guevara T-shirt.

It's an anathema.
 
2014-01-31 10:16:06 AM  

amindtat: So any suggestions on a better product than Axe that I can spray on my 11 year old to keep him from stinking, yet not have everyone point and laugh at him?


Why does your child have a perpetual stink? Why can't he just bathe and wear some deodorant?

Those are the actual questions you need to be asking.
 
2014-01-31 10:16:47 AM  
What's his future fark handle?
 
2014-01-31 10:16:49 AM  

RedPhoenix122: Oddly enough, by throwing it out and buying stuff that doesn't smell douche, he's more likely to get laid, not less.


Realizing I do indeed have issues, there is no smell I appreciate more than the smell of a woman freshly bathed with Ivory soap.
 
2014-01-31 10:16:58 AM  
Everyone knows that the secret to getting the ladies is extremely generous doses of Drakkar Noir.
 
2014-01-31 10:17:34 AM  

jso2897: I see people post things on Fark sometimes that just make my mind wander away, muttering to itself.


He's right, though. There's a pretty good correlation between liking patchouli oil, and women who freely pursue their sexuality for recreation, without hang-up.
 
2014-01-31 10:18:01 AM  

Somacandra: scottydoesntknow: So 60% of the time it works every time?

Damn straight. Lavender (as said before) and/or Patchouli.


In the past year or something I heard that lavender and vanilla were the most effective scents with women.  Maybe the combo.
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2014-01-31 10:18:16 AM  
www.brucetangdesign.com
 
2014-01-31 10:18:51 AM  

d23: So this is "gross," Mom?


No but it is false advertising.
 
2014-01-31 10:18:57 AM  

amindtat: So any suggestions on a better product than Axe that I can spray on my 11 year old to keep him from stinking, yet not have everyone point and laugh at him?


Water? As in from a shower? And maybe a bit of soap?
 
2014-01-31 10:19:04 AM  
Some of the newer Axe scents in shower gels do smell really nice - this woman is crazy and I feel sorry for her son and husband. I buy lots of shower gel and never read the marketing paragraphs on them - I open the bottle and do a sniff test. If I really like the scent, great, I buy it, I don't care what company made it.  I'm not a lifetime loyal customer to any company for bath products.
 
2014-01-31 10:19:14 AM  
what a patchouli smelling chick might look like.


s2.quickmeme.com
 
2014-01-31 10:19:19 AM  
What a f*cking c*nt.
 
2014-01-31 10:19:23 AM  
 Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.

A - I didn't ask, and how could I?  Why would I?

2nd - Get off your fat ass, and go clean your son's and husband's bathroom.  Now.
 
2014-01-31 10:19:27 AM  
I'll bet mom was a freak in her younger days.   Funny how the hoes and freaks all turn into Victorian prudes when time catches up to them and they no longer get any looks.
 
2014-01-31 10:19:30 AM  
I have to say I do value dudes that wear a lot of axe though. They are like white trash chick Geiger counters. If you've ever seen a gaggle of juggalettes all aflutter about how great affliction wearing axe dude smells, you know what I mean.

It's like the scent equivalent of ketchup.
 
2014-01-31 10:19:48 AM  
Geez, the kids 11. Any good mom would buy the kid a bottle of Drakker, a box of condoms, and maybe a couple of roofies to increase his odds.

How dare she approach the topic of the commercialism of sex and how messages sent in the media, might not be appropriate or represent a healthy view of the opposite sex. The biatch.
 
2014-01-31 10:20:35 AM  

amindtat: So any suggestions on a better product than Axe that I can spray on my 11 year old to keep him from stinking, yet not have everyone point and laugh at him?


The Dove Men's line is nice.

As for a cologne - everyone is different.  I don't wear it often myself.  But this is a very nice, light scent.  Clean.

img.fark.net
 
2014-01-31 10:21:20 AM  

DrewCurtisJr: VladTheEmailer: My teen boy has Axe. He was bought it as a present from his gparents.
He likes the smell, which admittedly is marginally better than unmasked teen boy smell.

?. Happy birthday grandson, here's some toiletries.


Christmas, actually.

And in their defense they usually dump a load of presents on the kids and I think it gets to a point where they're randomly pulling shiat off of shelves.

This could also have been prompted by our account of picking him up from a week long Scout trip...where we had to keep the car windows down and strip in the laundry room.
 
2014-01-31 10:21:41 AM  

Somacandra: FTFA: (Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.)

Calling bullshiat on this one too. EVERY single woman's bathroom (except my wife, bless her) I've ever been in is a fetid swamp of hair, products and insecurity. They are never cleaner than mine.


So much that! Before my roomate moved back in with me my bathroom was nice all I had on the sink was my toothbrush, toothpaste and shaving cream. She moved in and it was hair and vagisil everywhere! Floor covered in underwear, bras on the door knob, makeup ,makeup makeup and WTF with the glitter!? I'd take a pic but her mom was here last week and cleaned it and apologized to me for her being such a slob.
 
2014-01-31 10:21:53 AM  

baconbeard: Everyone knows that the secret to getting the ladies is extremely generous doses of Drakkar Noir.


Hai Karate!
 
2014-01-31 10:22:26 AM  

neongoats: I have to say I do value dudes that wear a lot of axe though. They are like white trash chick Geiger counters. If you've ever seen a gaggle of juggalettes all aflutter about how great affliction wearing axe dude smells, you know what I mean.

It's like the scent equivalent of ketchup.


8.media.bustedtees.cvcdn.com
 
2014-01-31 10:22:27 AM  

baconbeard: Everyone knows that the secret to getting the ladies is extremely generous doses of Drakkar Noir.


Odour de jour for the 80's man:

fimgs.net
 
2014-01-31 10:22:43 AM  

scottydoesntknow: amindtat: So any suggestions on a better product than Axe that I can spray on my 11 year old to keep him from stinking, yet not have everyone point and laugh at him?

Why does your child have a perpetual stink? Why can't he just bathe and wear some deodorant?

Those are the actual questions you need to be asking.


It's not perpetual BO, it's just that boy stink that creeps in after awhile. Why? He doesn't know. And his name actually is Scott. So Scotty doesn't know why stinks. But Scotty does know that the girl that he likes but is "absolutely-positively-not-my-girlfriend" likes when he smells nice.
 
2014-01-31 10:23:07 AM  
Diogenes:

As for a cologne - everyone is different.  I don't wear it often myself.  But this is a very nice, light scent.  Clean.

The Spice must flow.
 
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