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(Orlando Sentinel)   "My son is 11. He is not getting dirty with any female anytime soon. Not as long as I am around. So I threw out the bottle of Axe Body Wash. It just promotes sex, not cleanliness"   (orlandosentinel.com) divider line 283
    More: Florida, shower gel, axe, female anytime  
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8976 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Jan 2014 at 9:56 AM (24 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-01-31 10:22:27 AM

baconbeard: Everyone knows that the secret to getting the ladies is extremely generous doses of Drakkar Noir.


Odour de jour for the 80's man:

fimgs.net
 
2014-01-31 10:22:43 AM

scottydoesntknow: amindtat: So any suggestions on a better product than Axe that I can spray on my 11 year old to keep him from stinking, yet not have everyone point and laugh at him?

Why does your child have a perpetual stink? Why can't he just bathe and wear some deodorant?

Those are the actual questions you need to be asking.


It's not perpetual BO, it's just that boy stink that creeps in after awhile. Why? He doesn't know. And his name actually is Scott. So Scotty doesn't know why stinks. But Scotty does know that the girl that he likes but is "absolutely-positively-not-my-girlfriend" likes when he smells nice.
 
2014-01-31 10:23:07 AM
Diogenes:

As for a cologne - everyone is different.  I don't wear it often myself.  But this is a very nice, light scent.  Clean.

The Spice must flow.
 
2014-01-31 10:23:35 AM

69gnarkill69: baconbeard: Everyone knows that the secret to getting the ladies is extremely generous doses of Drakkar Noir.

Odour de jour for the 80's man:

[fimgs.net image 300x308]


I wore Polo Crest back then.  The stuff in the green bottle was way too strong for me.
 
2014-01-31 10:23:42 AM

Fissile: I'll bet mom was a freak in her younger days.   Funny how the hoes and freaks all turn into Victorian prudes when time catches up to them and they no longer get any looks.


The hpv, open herpes sores, and the anal fissures and warts are grim reminders of her care free days.
 
2014-01-31 10:24:14 AM

HenryFnord: Diogenes:

As for a cologne - everyone is different.  I don't wear it often myself.  But this is a very nice, light scent.  Clean.

The Spice must flow.


It also reminds me of Seinfeld :-)
 
2014-01-31 10:24:52 AM
"Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one."

They should take turns going in and peeing on the seat when she's not looking.
 
gja [TotalFark]
2014-01-31 10:24:56 AM
Mother from article:"My son is 11. He is not getting dirty with any female anytime soon."
Uh, about that. The avergae boy at 11 is leaving so much babby-batter in tissues the sperm banks could wring an entire society of new people out.
And his brain has bewbies in it.
 
2014-01-31 10:24:56 AM

Somacandra: FTFA: I am hoping our son won't mind going back to the SpongeBob shower gel he used to use, but I doubt it.

Hmmm. On second thought, you're a coont. I hope he drowns you in Axe when he figures that out. A decent parent would still allow him to pick from a set of choices at the store. He's 11, not a toddler.


I was like, Spongebob shower gel?? WTF is wrong with Ivory Bar soap?  And then you were like, choice... hmmm. Choice.
If I took my 14-yo boy to the store and allowed him to select his own bath products, would he farking CHOOSE to use soap already?
Without having to be SENT BACK to the shower? EwUgh! WTF was he doing in there for 15 m... don't answer that.
 
2014-01-31 10:26:56 AM

Mell of a Hess:  Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.

A - I didn't ask, and how could I?  Why would I?

2nd - Get off your fat ass, and go clean your son's and husband's bathroom.  Now.


..and get 'em a sandwich.
 
2014-01-31 10:27:47 AM
I like to shower with ivory liquid dish soap, cuts the grease, leaves hands soft, smells like baby powder, rinses clean. Sometimes I mix it up and use Gain for the green apple scent.
 
2014-01-31 10:28:43 AM

baconbeard: amindtat: So any suggestions on a better product than Axe that I can spray on my 11 year old to keep him from stinking, yet not have everyone point and laugh at him?

Water? As in from a shower? And maybe a bit of soap?


Yeah, but too much of that this time of year and he'll be looking like the white version of Ashy Larry.

www.thewheelfx.com
 
2014-01-31 10:29:52 AM
I am sure I will get flamed for this... but I love this:

www.youchew.net
 
2014-01-31 10:29:59 AM

Slaxl: groppet: I went to a bar with my roomate once, every guy there must have drowned themselves in Axe. The reek made me long for the days of smoke stink in bars. For a while she was dating a guy that used it the smae way. I would make her fabreeze the couch and wash any blanket he used, his stank just got everywhere it was like the BO episode of Seinfeld.

What was her opinion on his level of Axe?


Well she hated it, but I dont think it bugged her as much because I swear her chain smoking must have killed her sense of smell.
 
2014-01-31 10:30:28 AM
Ooooh... and Bay Rum for aftershave.... damn that shiat smells good.
 
2014-01-31 10:30:30 AM

Somacandra: FTFA: (Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.)

Calling bullshiat on this one too. EVERY single woman's bathroom (except my wife, bless her) I've ever been in is a fetid swamp of hair, products and insecurity. They are never cleaner than mine.


You need better friends ;-)
 
2014-01-31 10:31:14 AM
She sounds lovely.
 
2014-01-31 10:32:15 AM

scottydoesntknow: amindtat: So any suggestions on a better product than Axe that I can spray on my 11 year old to keep him from stinking, yet not have everyone point and laugh at him?

Why does your child have a perpetual stink? Why can't he just bathe and wear some deodorant?

Those are the actual questions you need to be asking.


How about axe brand deodorant?

He gets to wear axe like all the other kids - but it isn't in aerosol form, so presumably doesn't create a cloud?
 
2014-01-31 10:32:30 AM

UberDave: RedPhoenix122: Oddly enough, by throwing it out and buying stuff that doesn't smell douche, he's more likely to get laid, not less.

Yep.  She should go with Old Spice or Brüt...talk about chick magnet.


Both Old Spice and Brut are irresistible to women, especially women over 45. If our fathers wore it, chances are we'll like it on our boyfriends/husbands.
 
2014-01-31 10:33:53 AM
ecx.images-amazon.com
 
2014-01-31 10:33:56 AM

HindiDiscoMonster: I am sure I will get flamed for this... but I love this:

[www.youchew.net image 180x180]


Oddly enough, their new ad campaign is alot like this lady.  Except the ads are funny and this mom is repulsive.
 
2014-01-31 10:34:49 AM
FTA:
Yeah, I don't think so. My son is 11. He is not getting dirty with any female anytime soon. Not as long as I am around.

As someone who lost their virginity at 11, I'm amused at all of this.  Lady, unless you're with him 24/7, there's no way you can stop him if he really gets interested.
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2014-01-31 10:36:17 AM

DrewCurtisJr: d23: So this is "gross," Mom?

No but it is false advertising.


All Axe advertising is false advertising.  The only thing that sends girls swarming is cash.

//still wearing the asbestos suit.
 
2014-01-31 10:36:18 AM
img.fark.net

if you want to sleep with that woman find out what cologne her father uses.

\works surprisingly well.
 
2014-01-31 10:36:28 AM

There's Always A Bloody Ghost: UberDave: RedPhoenix122: Oddly enough, by throwing it out and buying stuff that doesn't smell douche, he's more likely to get laid, not less.

Yep.  She should go with Old Spice or Brüt...talk about chick magnet.

Both Old Spice and Brut are irresistible to women, especially women over 45. If our fathers wore it, chances are we'll like it on our boyfriends/husbands.


Then you need therapy.

"MMMM MMMMM, this guy smells like my dad, god I want to fark him".
 
2014-01-31 10:37:07 AM

amindtat: scottydoesntknow: amindtat: So any suggestions on a better product than Axe that I can spray on my 11 year old to keep him from stinking, yet not have everyone point and laugh at him?

Why does your child have a perpetual stink? Why can't he just bathe and wear some deodorant?

Those are the actual questions you need to be asking.

It's not perpetual BO, it's just that boy stink that creeps in after awhile. Why? He doesn't know. And his name actually is Scott. So Scotty doesn't know why stinks. But Scotty does know that the girl that he likes but is "absolutely-positively-not-my-girlfriend" likes when he smells nice.


Ok, here's what you do. Arrange a play-date with your kid and their daughter. It must be at their house, and buddy up to her parents. After a few minutes, ask if you can have a tour of their house. When they bring you to the master bathroom, make a note of whatever her dad wears (either cologne or deodorant), and buy that for the kid. The girl will like the scent, but not know why.
 
2014-01-31 10:37:15 AM

hailin: The age for a first encounter has dropped to 13. He is two years away from boinking some girl behind the school shed.


No.  No.  No.  No.

That is wrong, has been wrong for a long time, and is has gotten more wrong in recent years.
 
2014-01-31 10:37:16 AM
Only one thing the ladies respond to:
i1.ytimg.com
 
2014-01-31 10:37:45 AM
static1.wikia.nocookie.net

It also attracts unicorns. The only way to get rid of them is to beat them in a drag race. Are you ready to plunk down a hundred thou so your kid can buy a dragster with enough umpf to beat another dragster full of unicorns? I'll bet not.
 
2014-01-31 10:38:13 AM

theflatline: There's Always A Bloody Ghost: UberDave: RedPhoenix122: Oddly enough, by throwing it out and buying stuff that doesn't smell douche, he's more likely to get laid, not less.

Yep.  She should go with Old Spice or Brüt...talk about chick magnet.

Both Old Spice and Brut are irresistible to women, especially women over 45. If our fathers wore it, chances are we'll like it on our boyfriends/husbands.

Then you need therapy.

"MMMM MMMMM, this guy smells like my dad, god I want to fark him".


So, you are the only farker who's never met a woman with daddy issues?
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2014-01-31 10:38:17 AM

theflatline: There's Always A Bloody Ghost: UberDave: RedPhoenix122: Oddly enough, by throwing it out and buying stuff that doesn't smell douche, he's more likely to get laid, not less.

Yep.  She should go with Old Spice or Brüt...talk about chick magnet.

Both Old Spice and Brut are irresistible to women, especially women over 45. If our fathers wore it, chances are we'll like it on our boyfriends/husbands.

Then you need therapy.

"MMMM MMMMM, this guy smells like my dad, god I want to fark him".

www.lotustalk.com

Crazy in the head... crazy in the bed...
 
2014-01-31 10:39:09 AM
northhigh73.com

Everything old is new again.,
 
2014-01-31 10:41:33 AM

jake_lex: RedPhoenix122: Oddly enough, by throwing it out and buying stuff that doesn't smell douche, he's more likely to get laid, not less.

This.  An overuse of that shiatty Axe crap is female repellent.


Yup.  That stuff is doing a great job of keeping America's HS boys celibate.  Far more effective than abstinence education, honestly.
 
2014-01-31 10:42:12 AM
The only people who buy into Old Spice and Axe's marketing are loser nerds who frequent "pick up artist" forums and think pheromones work (hint: they don't) and preteen and teenage boys.
 
2014-01-31 10:42:57 AM

69gnarkill69: theflatline: There's Always A Bloody Ghost: UberDave: RedPhoenix122: Oddly enough, by throwing it out and buying stuff that doesn't smell douche, he's more likely to get laid, not less.

Yep.  She should go with Old Spice or Brüt...talk about chick magnet.

Both Old Spice and Brut are irresistible to women, especially women over 45. If our fathers wore it, chances are we'll like it on our boyfriends/husbands.

Then you need therapy.

"MMMM MMMMM, this guy smells like my dad, god I want to fark him".

So, you are the only farker who's never met a woman with daddy issues?


I am old and I have met and bangulated many, but you would not think it odd in the heat of the moment, passions rising, if some woman told you you smelled like dear old dad?

"God, I am so wet, you have me trembling, and you smell like pops"

starsmedia.ign.com
 
2014-01-31 10:43:00 AM
Have him bathe in Aramis so he can be classy like a musketeer. Everyone knows Frenchmen smell good and get top shelf pussy.
 
2014-01-31 10:43:03 AM

Bedstead Polisher: abfalter: I feel sorry for the husband of this shrew.  His sex life must be awful, if it even exists.

They created a child. That's enough.


I don't know. She might have been vacuuming and just accidently fell on her husband's pecker. That's not sex, is it?
 
2014-01-31 10:43:22 AM
"Not as long as I am around."

Well I would hope not. That could be quite off-putting. Unless his name is Oedipus.
 
2014-01-31 10:44:43 AM

baconbeard: Everyone knows that the secret to getting the ladies is extremely generous doses of Drakkar Noir.


HAH! When I was in high school I never had to worry about that. A friend of mine left a bottle of Drakkar Noir under his passenger seat and it broke. His entire car smelled of it, and it would permeate anything that was left inside. If I ever needed a spritz of cologne I just bummed a ride off of him.
 
2014-01-31 10:45:11 AM

machoprogrammer: The only people who buy into Old Spice and Axe's marketing are loser nerds who frequent "pick up artist" forums and think pheromones work (hint: they don't) and preteen and teenage boys.


We do still have a pheromonasal gland.  It's just been crushed by our forebrains.
 
2014-01-31 10:46:31 AM

theflatline: 69gnarkill69: theflatline: There's Always A Bloody Ghost: UberDave: RedPhoenix122: Oddly enough, by throwing it out and buying stuff that doesn't smell douche, he's more likely to get laid, not less.

Yep.  She should go with Old Spice or Brüt...talk about chick magnet.

Both Old Spice and Brut are irresistible to women, especially women over 45. If our fathers wore it, chances are we'll like it on our boyfriends/husbands.

Then you need therapy.

"MMMM MMMMM, this guy smells like my dad, god I want to fark him".

So, you are the only farker who's never met a woman with daddy issues?

I am old and I have met and bangulated many, but you would not think it odd in the heat of the moment, passions rising, if some woman told you you smelled like dear old dad?

"God, I am so wet, you have me trembling, and you smell like pops"

[starsmedia.ign.com image 460x276]


You do know that a lot of girls don't immediately recognize it as their dad's cologne/smell. It's a familiar smell to them. It makes them feel more comfortable.
 
2014-01-31 10:48:01 AM
I'm guessing that the idea of setting moral and rational limits for children seems odd, or even comic, to the submitter.
 
2014-01-31 10:48:22 AM
i1.ytimg.com

Was it her?
 
2014-01-31 10:49:01 AM
Feels awkward in this thread when my fiance uses Old Spice Show Time and I love it. But Axe does smell like someone combined Lysol with licorice and buttcrack.

Hmm. The Bath and Body works men line is also nice. The ocean one anyway.
 
2014-01-31 10:49:24 AM
This boy is doomed to smell like  five year old for the rest of his life.
 
2014-01-31 10:49:59 AM
I delicately told him this was not appropriate for kids his age

"Son, only 10-year-olds wear Axe."
 
2014-01-31 10:50:25 AM
Um... I'm Lydia C, and I like the smell of Old Spice on a man.


/ dad wore Aqua Velva
 
2014-01-31 10:50:49 AM
Whole lotta players spreading their wisdom in this thread.
 
2014-01-31 10:52:05 AM

theflatline: I am old and I have met and bangulated many, but you would not think it odd in the heat of the moment, passions rising, if some woman told you you smelled like dear old dad?


See, that's the thing. Barring any weird Daddy Issues, the scent doesn't directly bring up sensual thoughts in the woman. What it does is go directly to the olfactory center and subliminally activate feelings of security and protection. That relaxes her, and once relaxed, she can allow the sexytime thoughts to emerge.
 
2014-01-31 10:58:38 AM
i1.ytimg.com
 
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