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(Orlando Sentinel)   "My son is 11. He is not getting dirty with any female anytime soon. Not as long as I am around. So I threw out the bottle of Axe Body Wash. It just promotes sex, not cleanliness"   (orlandosentinel.com) divider line 278
    More: Florida, shower gel, axe, female anytime  
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8986 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Jan 2014 at 9:56 AM (42 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



278 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-01-31 09:31:52 AM  
Oddly enough, by throwing it out and buying stuff that doesn't smell douche, he's more likely to get laid, not less.
 
2014-01-31 09:36:21 AM  
What do you think?

I think you're getting far too bent out of shape over marketing that even your son, the consumer, was obvlious to.

And what RedPhoenix122 said.
 
2014-01-31 09:36:56 AM  
Ugh.  "oblivious"
 
2014-01-31 09:44:44 AM  
I'm calling it now, her son will be a father by 16
 
2014-01-31 09:48:02 AM  

RedPhoenix122: Oddly enough, by throwing it out and buying stuff that doesn't smell douche, he's more likely to get laid, not less.


This.  An overuse of that shiatty Axe crap is female repellent.
 
2014-01-31 09:56:02 AM  
It promotes douchebaggery, not sex. The sexual imagery is just the route to douchebaggery. A decent body wash with a loofah will be fine. If the kid wants to get laid, he'll discover patchouli oil soon enough.
 
2014-01-31 09:57:10 AM  
I feel sorry for the husband of this shrew.  His sex life must be awful, if it even exists.
 
2014-01-31 09:57:45 AM  

RedPhoenix122: Oddly enough, by throwing it out and buying stuff that doesn't smell douche, he's more likely to get laid, not less.


Yep.  She should go with Old Spice or Brüt...talk about chick magnet.
 
2014-01-31 09:57:49 AM  
It's like a weaponized Ed Hardy shirt.
 
2014-01-31 09:58:54 AM  

Diogenes: I think you're getting far too bent out of shape over marketing that even your son, the consumer, was obvlious to.


I can't recall if you're male, but if you are and you think and 11-year old boy is oblivious to Axe's marketing that invariably features attractive females showering affectionate attention on a guy, you're...well, a bit out of touch.
 
2014-01-31 09:59:30 AM  

abfalter: I feel sorry for the husband of this shrew.  His sex life must be awful, if it even exists.


They created a child. That's enough.
 
2014-01-31 09:59:52 AM  

Somacandra: It promotes douchebaggery, not sex. The sexual imagery is just the route to douchebaggery. A decent body wash with a loofah will be fine. If the kid wants to get laid, he'll discover patchouli oil soon enough.


I see people post things on Fark sometimes that just make my mind wander away, muttering to itself.
 
2014-01-31 10:00:00 AM  

Somacandra: It promotes douchebaggery, not sex. The sexual imagery is just the route to douchebaggery. A decent body wash with a loofah will be fine. If the kid wants to get laid, he'll discover patchouli oil soon enough.


Or lavender.  Biatches love lavender.
 
2014-01-31 10:00:16 AM  
FTFA: I am hoping our son won't mind going back to the SpongeBob shower gel he used to use, but I doubt it.

Hmmm. On second thought, you're a coont. I hope he drowns you in Axe when he figures that out. A decent parent would still allow him to pick from a set of choices at the store. He's 11, not a toddler.
 
2014-01-31 10:00:48 AM  
Yeah, this doesn't sound like a completely concocted scenario at all.
 
2014-01-31 10:01:04 AM  

Somacandra: It promotes douchebaggery, not sex. The sexual imagery is just the route to douchebaggery. A decent body wash with a loofah will be fine. If the kid wants to get laid, he'll discover patchouli oil soon enough.


If patchouli oil gets you laid, it's time to move out of the OWS tent city.
 
2014-01-31 10:01:34 AM  
NOOOOO Mommy's little boy can't grow up!!!  Stay here with Mommy!!! I'll protect you from those wretched little whores!!! They only want to hurt you!!!
 
2014-01-31 10:02:13 AM  
(Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.)

what a fugging biatch.

Is the boy adopted? because I seriously wonder if she has ever allowed herself to be farked.

also... seriously... they actually bothered to talk to him about it?  WTF is wrong with that biatch? throw it out because its crap.  And take a quick wif lady.. are your loins on fire?  no?  in fact you are repulsed?  yeah...  think about that for a moment
 
2014-01-31 10:02:15 AM  
I went to my husband, who, of course, bought our son the Axe

And thus began the legend of George Washington.
 
2014-01-31 10:03:03 AM  

apoptotic: Yeah, this doesn't sound like a completely concocted scenario at all.


And in no way is this a "viral" marketing campaign by the makers of Axe.  No siree.
 
2014-01-31 10:03:24 AM  
I hate to break it to you but marketing uses, or manufactures, insecurities to sell you stuff you never needed.  Little Jonny isn't trying to get laid, Little Jonny is worried he won't fit in and he was told this will help.

Now when Little Jonny becomes Bro Jon frat boy then the smell just serves as a warning
 
2014-01-31 10:03:39 AM  
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
bio.tribune.com
 
2014-01-31 10:03:57 AM  
I went to a bar with my roomate once, every guy there must have drowned themselves in Axe. The reek made me long for the days of smoke stink in bars. For a while she was dating a guy that used it the smae way. I would make her fabreeze the couch and wash any blanket he used, his stank just got everywhere it was like the BO episode of Seinfeld.
 
2014-01-31 10:04:08 AM  
Done in one.
 
2014-01-31 10:04:18 AM  
(Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.)

Maybe they're using their own bathroom instead of both your husband and you sharing yours is because, you, Ma'am are an asshole?!
 
2014-01-31 10:05:15 AM  

jso2897: I see people post things on Fark sometimes that just make my mind wander away, muttering to itself.


Patchouli is like Sex Panther. It helps you find the hippie pagan chicks. All I can say is that I speak from experience.
 
2014-01-31 10:05:41 AM  

HotWingConspiracy: It's like a weaponized Ed Hardy shirt.


Apropos of nothing, this makes me wonder if you could rig up a version of the office cubicle hand grenade (febreze can zip-tied) with a can of axe. Go into a hipster bar, yell "FIRE IN THE HOLE", and toss it.
 
2014-01-31 10:05:48 AM  

Somacandra: jso2897: I see people post things on Fark sometimes that just make my mind wander away, muttering to itself.

Patchouli is like Sex Panther. It helps you find the hippie pagan chicks. All I can say is that I speak from experience.


So 60% of the time it works every time?
 
2014-01-31 10:06:01 AM  
I went to my husband, who, of course, bought our son the Axe, not having a clue the label read like a sex product.


That's old Dad, completely oblivious to the world around him (or so he tells you).  We certainly cant have him steering his son into manhood.
 
2014-01-31 10:06:30 AM  
img.gawkerassets.com
 
2014-01-31 10:06:45 AM  

kvinesknows: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
[bio.tribune.com image 850x555]


Pretty much what I expected.
 
2014-01-31 10:06:49 AM  
thats right. careful there lad. you could knock up a gal and be stuck with a woman like mom.
 
2014-01-31 10:06:52 AM  

DarkSoulNoHope: (Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.)

Maybe they're using their own bathroom instead of both your husband and you sharing yours is because, you, Ma'am are an asshole?!


Yeah her husband must need a quiet place to jerkoff.
 
2014-01-31 10:06:58 AM  
My teen boy has Axe. He was bought it as a present from his gparents.
He likes the smell, which admittedly is marginally better than unmasked teen boy smell.

Not so much worried about him being a chick magnet any time soon while his bedroom is covered in Legos. Although the thread with the pornstar caused me to pause.
 
2014-01-31 10:07:07 AM  

grinding_journalist: Diogenes: I think you're getting far too bent out of shape over marketing that even your son, the consumer, was obvlious to.

I can't recall if you're male, but if you are and you think and 11-year old boy is oblivious to Axe's marketing that invariably features attractive females showering affectionate attention on a guy, you're...well, a bit out of touch.


He might be aware.  But if you want to go there (thinking like an 11 year old) he might want it simply because everyone else is using it, too.
 
2014-01-31 10:07:08 AM  
Mother do you think they'll drop the bomb?
 
2014-01-31 10:07:17 AM  

abfalter: I feel sorry for the husband of this shrew.  His sex life must be awful, if it even exists.


They don't even share a bathroom - my guess is she is a sasquatch
 
2014-01-31 10:07:22 AM  

kvinesknows: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
[bio.tribune.com image 850x555]


TWO WEEKS!?
 
2014-01-31 10:07:59 AM  

kvinesknows: (Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.)

what a fugging biatch.

Is the boy adopted? because I seriously wonder if she has ever allowed herself to be farked.

also... seriously... they actually bothered to talk to him about it?  WTF is wrong with that biatch? throw it out because its crap.  And take a quick wif lady.. are your loins on fire?  no?  in fact you are repulsed?  yeah...  think about that for a moment


So you only clean your bathroom?  Is that a Canadian thing?

Women are far dirtier in bathrooms than men.
 
jbc [TotalFark]
2014-01-31 10:08:02 AM  
I don't think the teachers are that picky these days.
 
2014-01-31 10:08:09 AM  

Somacandra: It promotes douchebaggery, not sex. The sexual imagery is just the route to douchebaggery. A decent body wash with a loofah will be fine. If the kid wants to get laid, he'll discover patchouli oil soon enough.


Patchouli makes me think of a hippie girl, not a guy.

Advice which is worth exactly what you paid for it follows ...
Bathe with this - (Lemon & Verbena):
ecx.images-amazon.com
And, for when you get older - (spicy and dry):

Make sure you use this - (Unscented)
ecx.images-amazon.com
And this:
www.dentist.net
Avoid cigarettes and too much caffeine.
Now, go on your way my son.  The rest is up to you.
 
2014-01-31 10:08:33 AM  
When he is older he can decide if he wants to use Axe.

Haha, good one. Like you'll ever let him make his own decisions! "Not under my roof, little mister!"
 
2014-01-31 10:08:47 AM  
FTFA: (Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.)

Calling bullshiat on this one too. EVERY single woman's bathroom (except my wife, bless her) I've ever been in is a fetid swamp of hair, products and insecurity. They are never cleaner than mine.
 
2014-01-31 10:08:55 AM  
Kris Hey

i171.photobucket.com
 
2014-01-31 10:08:58 AM  
This is again a case of bored housewife syndrome. "I need some fodder for my blog, so I'm going to go on a rampage against a shower gel to prove to other bored housewives I'm a better mom and more intelligent." Lady, talk to your son about sex. The age for a first encounter has dropped to 13. He is two years away from boinking some girl behind the school shed. Now is not the time to cling onto your baby boy and force him back to his spongebob bath products. Let him have the damn nasty shower gel. Then have some real discussions about sex and the good choices you will hope he makes like using condoms. Or you know continue to infantize him refusing to let him grow up in your mind and see how that works for you.
 
2014-01-31 10:09:14 AM  
Well the 2nd unfetchable was Halston Z-14 - a classic scent pour homme.
 
2014-01-31 10:09:28 AM  

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: HotWingConspiracy: It's like a weaponized Ed Hardy shirt.

Apropos of nothing, this makes me wonder if you could rig up a version of the office cubicle hand grenade (febreze can zip-tied) with a can of axe. Go into a hipster bar, yell "FIRE IN THE HOLE", and toss it.


Yes, Axe can and duct tape. We used to toss those over the shower curtain when various roommates were showering. Only good use for the stuff.
 
2014-01-31 10:10:08 AM  
Get that kid some irish spring!
 
2014-01-31 10:10:14 AM  

syberpud: apoptotic: Yeah, this doesn't sound like a completely concocted scenario at all.

And in no way is this a "viral" marketing campaign by the makers of Axe.  No siree.


Prudish moms hate this sexy contraband!
 
2014-01-31 10:10:17 AM  

scottydoesntknow: So 60% of the time it works every time?


Damn straight. Lavender (as said before) and/or Patchouli.
 
2014-01-31 10:10:28 AM  
" Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.)"

Goddammit men, stop mating with women like this.
 
2014-01-31 10:10:47 AM  

VladTheEmailer: My teen boy has Axe. He was bought it as a present from his gparents.
He likes the smell, which admittedly is marginally better than unmasked teen boy smell.


?. Happy birthday grandson, here's some toiletries.
 
2014-01-31 10:10:49 AM  
Clearly every time the son walked by mother, Niagara Falls ensued.
 
2014-01-31 10:11:13 AM  

Somacandra: jso2897: I see people post things on Fark sometimes that just make my mind wander away, muttering to itself.

Patchouli is like Sex Panther. It helps you find the hippie pagan chicks. All I can say is that I speak from experience.


Thankfully, my hippie pagan wife prefers my natural(non stinky) oder.

And my 11 year old drenches himself in Axe...

It's like walking into a brick wall.

In other words, he's being 11, writer is a coont.
 
2014-01-31 10:11:35 AM  

groppet: I went to a bar with my roomate once, every guy there must have drowned themselves in Axe. The reek made me long for the days of smoke stink in bars. For a while she was dating a guy that used it the smae way. I would make her fabreeze the couch and wash any blanket he used, his stank just got everywhere it was like the BO episode of Seinfeld.


What was her opinion on his level of Axe?
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2014-01-31 10:11:45 AM  
Ok... 11 is too young, but when he gets 5 years of age older and you stop him from getting some sweet lovin' from a a slightly older and experienced female that's freaking child abuse, man.

//puts on asbestos suit...
 
2014-01-31 10:12:04 AM  
She better hide those Sunday Sears advertisments he's whacking off to too.

For his saftey.

/I am so happy my wife plans to let me handle any and all of these talks with the boys
 
2014-01-31 10:12:08 AM  
I use the Axe spray as underarm deodorant, i.e. not as some strange whole body fumigant. I just don't like stick deodorants.
 
2014-01-31 10:12:09 AM  
Isn't this the axe bodywash that smells like chocolate?  How is that NOT awesome to a kid?  Yeah, he likes the smell, the smell is the greatest thing he has access to.

Also, this is a crazy raging coont.  "My husband and son share a bathroom.  I have my own bathroom.  It's the clean one."  It sounds like this lunatic has been doing everything to ensure that her family avoids close contact with her for years.  Also, she's just gone way overboard on the Axe thing and made this a great mystery that will captivate him and make him wonder if body wash really WILL make girls fawn all over him.
 
2014-01-31 10:12:19 AM  

Mell of a Hess: Patchouli makes me think of a hippie girl, not a guy.


And that is precisely why you wear it around them. That's the point.
 
2014-01-31 10:12:39 AM  
The only thing Axe products promote is asthma attacks.
 
2014-01-31 10:12:46 AM  

abfalter: I feel sorry for the husband of this shrew.  His sex life must be awful, if it even exists.


As Pete Seeger said "If I had a hammer, I'd nail that plank".
 
2014-01-31 10:12:50 AM  

Langdon Alger: thats right. careful there lad. you could knock up a gal and be stuck with a woman like mom.


Or, he could use Old Spice and be stuck with... mom.
 
2014-01-31 10:13:17 AM  
Overbearing mother or Axe products...

Damn it, its the cops framing Bieber thread all over again.
 
2014-01-31 10:13:38 AM  
So any suggestions on a better product than Axe that I can spray on my 11 year old to keep him from stinking, yet not have everyone point and laugh at him?
 
2014-01-31 10:14:05 AM  

baka-san: Thankfully, my hippie pagan wife prefers my natural(non stinky) oder.


That's the mark of a more mature hippie pagan woman. A little older and wiser than the target audience I was referring to.
 
2014-01-31 10:14:17 AM  
In my experience a good antiperspirant that is just beginning to lose the battle against a hard days work is what works the best on my wife.  She likes the 'rugged' type though so YMMV.
 
2014-01-31 10:15:00 AM  
Showering with Axe doesn't promote sex. Showering with a friend promotes sex. This woman should be railing against water conservation.
 
2014-01-31 10:15:06 AM  
Don't worry Kris Hey the public embarrassment should be enough to doom your son's chances.
 
2014-01-31 10:15:06 AM  

p the boiler: abfalter: I feel sorry for the husband of this shrew.  His sex life must be awful, if it even exists.

They don't even share a bathroom - my guess is she is a sasquatch


Have you ever smelled a Sasquatch?
 
2014-01-31 10:15:13 AM  
CSB time.

Several years ago when I was a manager at the local Gamestop, we had a large promotional deal with Axe. We were cross-promoting their new Snake Peel brand. But the day we got in the box of a thousand little free samples, the company deep-sided the promotion. They weren't happy about the suggestive nature of the ad; it said something about being seduced by a sword-swallower. So corp sends me an email directing me to throw them out or give them to the employees, just don't give them away to customers. My employees each grabbed a handful and I took the rest of the box home - about three hundred samples. My next day off, Mrs. Samurai and I were going out to dinner. I decided to give the Axe stuff a try, because why not. About five minutes into my shower, I've used two or three of these packets, and she walks into the bathroom to grab something. She gets a whiff of the Snake Peel, and somehow the stuff actually worked like they mentioned in the advertisement - the scent turned her on not a little. We skip dinner.

What's strange is, that brand out of the bottle didn't have the same effect on her (and she thinks the other Axe brands smell like a bar of soap was crossed with cheap cologne). But those samples had some mojo. Every once in a while I'll find one in the back of my bathroom cupboard and completely ruin whatever plans we had for the evening.

So yeah, Axe and the am-bro-ence they promote can EABOD, but whatever they did with those samples, I'd really like to know.
 
2014-01-31 10:15:30 AM  

Diogenes: What do you think?

I think you're getting far too bent out of shape over marketing that even your son, the consumer, was obvlious to.

And what RedPhoenix122 said.


Yeah, big farkinig deal, it's marketing, and it happens all of the time. This lady needs to untwist the panties.

As for Axe, I don't know that it smells bad as much as kids use WAY too much of it. When I was in high school, it bounced around between Polo, Obsession and Drakkar, but everyone did the same thing, they bathed in it. Nobody remember that, though, because it's always fun to "These kids nowadays" like thing just changed overnight.
 
2014-01-31 10:15:48 AM  
Well, axe is for useless fratbros and pre teens. Duh.

Pearl clutching mom can diaf though.
 
2014-01-31 10:15:52 AM  

amindtat: So any suggestions on a better product than Axe that I can spray on my 11 year old to keep him from stinking, yet not have everyone point and laugh at him?


i.imgur.com
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2014-01-31 10:15:57 AM  
blackademics.org

So this is "gross," Mom?  Mom has problems with human sexuality.  Mom needs psychotherapy to work through some childhood issues she had with her dad.
 
2014-01-31 10:15:58 AM  

Somacandra: Mell of a Hess: Patchouli makes me think of a hippie girl, not a guy.

And that is precisely why you wear it around them. That's the point.


Personally, I don't get it.  I have heard the theory that men ought to wear a female scent if they want to attract women, but I really hate it when I smell patchouli and turn around to behold a bra-less paisley tie-dyed young nymph, and instead I see a dumbass wearing dreads and a Che Guevara T-shirt.

It's an anathema.
 
2014-01-31 10:16:06 AM  

amindtat: So any suggestions on a better product than Axe that I can spray on my 11 year old to keep him from stinking, yet not have everyone point and laugh at him?


Why does your child have a perpetual stink? Why can't he just bathe and wear some deodorant?

Those are the actual questions you need to be asking.
 
2014-01-31 10:16:47 AM  
What's his future fark handle?
 
2014-01-31 10:16:49 AM  

RedPhoenix122: Oddly enough, by throwing it out and buying stuff that doesn't smell douche, he's more likely to get laid, not less.


Realizing I do indeed have issues, there is no smell I appreciate more than the smell of a woman freshly bathed with Ivory soap.
 
2014-01-31 10:16:58 AM  
Everyone knows that the secret to getting the ladies is extremely generous doses of Drakkar Noir.
 
2014-01-31 10:17:34 AM  

jso2897: I see people post things on Fark sometimes that just make my mind wander away, muttering to itself.


He's right, though. There's a pretty good correlation between liking patchouli oil, and women who freely pursue their sexuality for recreation, without hang-up.
 
2014-01-31 10:18:01 AM  

Somacandra: scottydoesntknow: So 60% of the time it works every time?

Damn straight. Lavender (as said before) and/or Patchouli.


In the past year or something I heard that lavender and vanilla were the most effective scents with women.  Maybe the combo.
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2014-01-31 10:18:16 AM  
www.brucetangdesign.com
 
2014-01-31 10:18:51 AM  

d23: So this is "gross," Mom?


No but it is false advertising.
 
2014-01-31 10:18:57 AM  

amindtat: So any suggestions on a better product than Axe that I can spray on my 11 year old to keep him from stinking, yet not have everyone point and laugh at him?


Water? As in from a shower? And maybe a bit of soap?
 
2014-01-31 10:19:04 AM  
Some of the newer Axe scents in shower gels do smell really nice - this woman is crazy and I feel sorry for her son and husband. I buy lots of shower gel and never read the marketing paragraphs on them - I open the bottle and do a sniff test. If I really like the scent, great, I buy it, I don't care what company made it.  I'm not a lifetime loyal customer to any company for bath products.
 
2014-01-31 10:19:14 AM  
what a patchouli smelling chick might look like.


s2.quickmeme.com
 
2014-01-31 10:19:19 AM  
What a f*cking c*nt.
 
2014-01-31 10:19:23 AM  
 Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.

A - I didn't ask, and how could I?  Why would I?

2nd - Get off your fat ass, and go clean your son's and husband's bathroom.  Now.
 
2014-01-31 10:19:27 AM  
I'll bet mom was a freak in her younger days.   Funny how the hoes and freaks all turn into Victorian prudes when time catches up to them and they no longer get any looks.
 
2014-01-31 10:19:30 AM  
I have to say I do value dudes that wear a lot of axe though. They are like white trash chick Geiger counters. If you've ever seen a gaggle of juggalettes all aflutter about how great affliction wearing axe dude smells, you know what I mean.

It's like the scent equivalent of ketchup.
 
2014-01-31 10:19:48 AM  
Geez, the kids 11. Any good mom would buy the kid a bottle of Drakker, a box of condoms, and maybe a couple of roofies to increase his odds.

How dare she approach the topic of the commercialism of sex and how messages sent in the media, might not be appropriate or represent a healthy view of the opposite sex. The biatch.
 
2014-01-31 10:20:35 AM  

amindtat: So any suggestions on a better product than Axe that I can spray on my 11 year old to keep him from stinking, yet not have everyone point and laugh at him?


The Dove Men's line is nice.

As for a cologne - everyone is different.  I don't wear it often myself.  But this is a very nice, light scent.  Clean.

img.fark.net
 
2014-01-31 10:21:20 AM  

DrewCurtisJr: VladTheEmailer: My teen boy has Axe. He was bought it as a present from his gparents.
He likes the smell, which admittedly is marginally better than unmasked teen boy smell.

?. Happy birthday grandson, here's some toiletries.


Christmas, actually.

And in their defense they usually dump a load of presents on the kids and I think it gets to a point where they're randomly pulling shiat off of shelves.

This could also have been prompted by our account of picking him up from a week long Scout trip...where we had to keep the car windows down and strip in the laundry room.
 
2014-01-31 10:21:41 AM  

Somacandra: FTFA: (Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.)

Calling bullshiat on this one too. EVERY single woman's bathroom (except my wife, bless her) I've ever been in is a fetid swamp of hair, products and insecurity. They are never cleaner than mine.


So much that! Before my roomate moved back in with me my bathroom was nice all I had on the sink was my toothbrush, toothpaste and shaving cream. She moved in and it was hair and vagisil everywhere! Floor covered in underwear, bras on the door knob, makeup ,makeup makeup and WTF with the glitter!? I'd take a pic but her mom was here last week and cleaned it and apologized to me for her being such a slob.
 
2014-01-31 10:21:53 AM  

baconbeard: Everyone knows that the secret to getting the ladies is extremely generous doses of Drakkar Noir.


Hai Karate!
 
2014-01-31 10:22:26 AM  

neongoats: I have to say I do value dudes that wear a lot of axe though. They are like white trash chick Geiger counters. If you've ever seen a gaggle of juggalettes all aflutter about how great affliction wearing axe dude smells, you know what I mean.

It's like the scent equivalent of ketchup.


8.media.bustedtees.cvcdn.com
 
2014-01-31 10:22:27 AM  

baconbeard: Everyone knows that the secret to getting the ladies is extremely generous doses of Drakkar Noir.


Odour de jour for the 80's man:

fimgs.net
 
2014-01-31 10:22:43 AM  

scottydoesntknow: amindtat: So any suggestions on a better product than Axe that I can spray on my 11 year old to keep him from stinking, yet not have everyone point and laugh at him?

Why does your child have a perpetual stink? Why can't he just bathe and wear some deodorant?

Those are the actual questions you need to be asking.


It's not perpetual BO, it's just that boy stink that creeps in after awhile. Why? He doesn't know. And his name actually is Scott. So Scotty doesn't know why stinks. But Scotty does know that the girl that he likes but is "absolutely-positively-not-my-girlfriend" likes when he smells nice.
 
2014-01-31 10:23:07 AM  
Diogenes:

As for a cologne - everyone is different.  I don't wear it often myself.  But this is a very nice, light scent.  Clean.

The Spice must flow.
 
2014-01-31 10:23:35 AM  

69gnarkill69: baconbeard: Everyone knows that the secret to getting the ladies is extremely generous doses of Drakkar Noir.

Odour de jour for the 80's man:

[fimgs.net image 300x308]


I wore Polo Crest back then.  The stuff in the green bottle was way too strong for me.
 
2014-01-31 10:23:42 AM  

Fissile: I'll bet mom was a freak in her younger days.   Funny how the hoes and freaks all turn into Victorian prudes when time catches up to them and they no longer get any looks.


The hpv, open herpes sores, and the anal fissures and warts are grim reminders of her care free days.
 
2014-01-31 10:24:14 AM  

HenryFnord: Diogenes:

As for a cologne - everyone is different.  I don't wear it often myself.  But this is a very nice, light scent.  Clean.

The Spice must flow.


It also reminds me of Seinfeld :-)
 
2014-01-31 10:24:52 AM  
"Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one."

They should take turns going in and peeing on the seat when she's not looking.
 
gja [TotalFark]
2014-01-31 10:24:56 AM  
Mother from article:"My son is 11. He is not getting dirty with any female anytime soon."
Uh, about that. The avergae boy at 11 is leaving so much babby-batter in tissues the sperm banks could wring an entire society of new people out.
And his brain has bewbies in it.
 
2014-01-31 10:24:56 AM  

Somacandra: FTFA: I am hoping our son won't mind going back to the SpongeBob shower gel he used to use, but I doubt it.

Hmmm. On second thought, you're a coont. I hope he drowns you in Axe when he figures that out. A decent parent would still allow him to pick from a set of choices at the store. He's 11, not a toddler.


I was like, Spongebob shower gel?? WTF is wrong with Ivory Bar soap?  And then you were like, choice... hmmm. Choice.
If I took my 14-yo boy to the store and allowed him to select his own bath products, would he farking CHOOSE to use soap already?
Without having to be SENT BACK to the shower? EwUgh! WTF was he doing in there for 15 m... don't answer that.
 
2014-01-31 10:26:56 AM  

Mell of a Hess:  Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.

A - I didn't ask, and how could I?  Why would I?

2nd - Get off your fat ass, and go clean your son's and husband's bathroom.  Now.


..and get 'em a sandwich.
 
2014-01-31 10:27:47 AM  
I like to shower with ivory liquid dish soap, cuts the grease, leaves hands soft, smells like baby powder, rinses clean. Sometimes I mix it up and use Gain for the green apple scent.
 
2014-01-31 10:28:43 AM  

baconbeard: amindtat: So any suggestions on a better product than Axe that I can spray on my 11 year old to keep him from stinking, yet not have everyone point and laugh at him?

Water? As in from a shower? And maybe a bit of soap?


Yeah, but too much of that this time of year and he'll be looking like the white version of Ashy Larry.

www.thewheelfx.com
 
2014-01-31 10:29:59 AM  

Slaxl: groppet: I went to a bar with my roomate once, every guy there must have drowned themselves in Axe. The reek made me long for the days of smoke stink in bars. For a while she was dating a guy that used it the smae way. I would make her fabreeze the couch and wash any blanket he used, his stank just got everywhere it was like the BO episode of Seinfeld.

What was her opinion on his level of Axe?


Well she hated it, but I dont think it bugged her as much because I swear her chain smoking must have killed her sense of smell.
 
2014-01-31 10:30:30 AM  

Somacandra: FTFA: (Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.)

Calling bullshiat on this one too. EVERY single woman's bathroom (except my wife, bless her) I've ever been in is a fetid swamp of hair, products and insecurity. They are never cleaner than mine.


You need better friends ;-)
 
2014-01-31 10:31:14 AM  
She sounds lovely.
 
2014-01-31 10:32:15 AM  

scottydoesntknow: amindtat: So any suggestions on a better product than Axe that I can spray on my 11 year old to keep him from stinking, yet not have everyone point and laugh at him?

Why does your child have a perpetual stink? Why can't he just bathe and wear some deodorant?

Those are the actual questions you need to be asking.


How about axe brand deodorant?

He gets to wear axe like all the other kids - but it isn't in aerosol form, so presumably doesn't create a cloud?
 
2014-01-31 10:32:30 AM  

UberDave: RedPhoenix122: Oddly enough, by throwing it out and buying stuff that doesn't smell douche, he's more likely to get laid, not less.

Yep.  She should go with Old Spice or Brüt...talk about chick magnet.


Both Old Spice and Brut are irresistible to women, especially women over 45. If our fathers wore it, chances are we'll like it on our boyfriends/husbands.
 
2014-01-31 10:33:53 AM  
ecx.images-amazon.com
 
2014-01-31 10:33:56 AM  

HindiDiscoMonster: I am sure I will get flamed for this... but I love this:

[www.youchew.net image 180x180]


Oddly enough, their new ad campaign is alot like this lady.  Except the ads are funny and this mom is repulsive.
 
2014-01-31 10:34:49 AM  
FTA:
Yeah, I don't think so. My son is 11. He is not getting dirty with any female anytime soon. Not as long as I am around.

As someone who lost their virginity at 11, I'm amused at all of this.  Lady, unless you're with him 24/7, there's no way you can stop him if he really gets interested.
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2014-01-31 10:36:17 AM  

DrewCurtisJr: d23: So this is "gross," Mom?

No but it is false advertising.


All Axe advertising is false advertising.  The only thing that sends girls swarming is cash.

//still wearing the asbestos suit.
 
2014-01-31 10:36:18 AM  
img.fark.net

if you want to sleep with that woman find out what cologne her father uses.

\works surprisingly well.
 
2014-01-31 10:36:28 AM  

There's Always A Bloody Ghost: UberDave: RedPhoenix122: Oddly enough, by throwing it out and buying stuff that doesn't smell douche, he's more likely to get laid, not less.

Yep.  She should go with Old Spice or Brüt...talk about chick magnet.

Both Old Spice and Brut are irresistible to women, especially women over 45. If our fathers wore it, chances are we'll like it on our boyfriends/husbands.


Then you need therapy.

"MMMM MMMMM, this guy smells like my dad, god I want to fark him".
 
2014-01-31 10:37:07 AM  

amindtat: scottydoesntknow: amindtat: So any suggestions on a better product than Axe that I can spray on my 11 year old to keep him from stinking, yet not have everyone point and laugh at him?

Why does your child have a perpetual stink? Why can't he just bathe and wear some deodorant?

Those are the actual questions you need to be asking.

It's not perpetual BO, it's just that boy stink that creeps in after awhile. Why? He doesn't know. And his name actually is Scott. So Scotty doesn't know why stinks. But Scotty does know that the girl that he likes but is "absolutely-positively-not-my-girlfriend" likes when he smells nice.


Ok, here's what you do. Arrange a play-date with your kid and their daughter. It must be at their house, and buddy up to her parents. After a few minutes, ask if you can have a tour of their house. When they bring you to the master bathroom, make a note of whatever her dad wears (either cologne or deodorant), and buy that for the kid. The girl will like the scent, but not know why.
 
2014-01-31 10:37:15 AM  

hailin: The age for a first encounter has dropped to 13. He is two years away from boinking some girl behind the school shed.


No.  No.  No.  No.

That is wrong, has been wrong for a long time, and is has gotten more wrong in recent years.
 
2014-01-31 10:37:16 AM  
Only one thing the ladies respond to:
i1.ytimg.com
 
2014-01-31 10:37:45 AM  
static1.wikia.nocookie.net

It also attracts unicorns. The only way to get rid of them is to beat them in a drag race. Are you ready to plunk down a hundred thou so your kid can buy a dragster with enough umpf to beat another dragster full of unicorns? I'll bet not.
 
2014-01-31 10:38:13 AM  

theflatline: There's Always A Bloody Ghost: UberDave: RedPhoenix122: Oddly enough, by throwing it out and buying stuff that doesn't smell douche, he's more likely to get laid, not less.

Yep.  She should go with Old Spice or Brüt...talk about chick magnet.

Both Old Spice and Brut are irresistible to women, especially women over 45. If our fathers wore it, chances are we'll like it on our boyfriends/husbands.

Then you need therapy.

"MMMM MMMMM, this guy smells like my dad, god I want to fark him".


So, you are the only farker who's never met a woman with daddy issues?
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2014-01-31 10:38:17 AM  

theflatline: There's Always A Bloody Ghost: UberDave: RedPhoenix122: Oddly enough, by throwing it out and buying stuff that doesn't smell douche, he's more likely to get laid, not less.

Yep.  She should go with Old Spice or Brüt...talk about chick magnet.

Both Old Spice and Brut are irresistible to women, especially women over 45. If our fathers wore it, chances are we'll like it on our boyfriends/husbands.

Then you need therapy.

"MMMM MMMMM, this guy smells like my dad, god I want to fark him".

www.lotustalk.com

Crazy in the head... crazy in the bed...
 
2014-01-31 10:39:09 AM  
northhigh73.com

Everything old is new again.,
 
2014-01-31 10:41:33 AM  

jake_lex: RedPhoenix122: Oddly enough, by throwing it out and buying stuff that doesn't smell douche, he's more likely to get laid, not less.

This.  An overuse of that shiatty Axe crap is female repellent.


Yup.  That stuff is doing a great job of keeping America's HS boys celibate.  Far more effective than abstinence education, honestly.
 
2014-01-31 10:42:12 AM  
The only people who buy into Old Spice and Axe's marketing are loser nerds who frequent "pick up artist" forums and think pheromones work (hint: they don't) and preteen and teenage boys.
 
2014-01-31 10:42:57 AM  

69gnarkill69: theflatline: There's Always A Bloody Ghost: UberDave: RedPhoenix122: Oddly enough, by throwing it out and buying stuff that doesn't smell douche, he's more likely to get laid, not less.

Yep.  She should go with Old Spice or Brüt...talk about chick magnet.

Both Old Spice and Brut are irresistible to women, especially women over 45. If our fathers wore it, chances are we'll like it on our boyfriends/husbands.

Then you need therapy.

"MMMM MMMMM, this guy smells like my dad, god I want to fark him".

So, you are the only farker who's never met a woman with daddy issues?


I am old and I have met and bangulated many, but you would not think it odd in the heat of the moment, passions rising, if some woman told you you smelled like dear old dad?

"God, I am so wet, you have me trembling, and you smell like pops"

starsmedia.ign.com
 
2014-01-31 10:43:00 AM  
Have him bathe in Aramis so he can be classy like a musketeer. Everyone knows Frenchmen smell good and get top shelf pussy.
 
2014-01-31 10:43:03 AM  

Bedstead Polisher: abfalter: I feel sorry for the husband of this shrew.  His sex life must be awful, if it even exists.

They created a child. That's enough.


I don't know. She might have been vacuuming and just accidently fell on her husband's pecker. That's not sex, is it?
 
2014-01-31 10:43:22 AM  
"Not as long as I am around."

Well I would hope not. That could be quite off-putting. Unless his name is Oedipus.
 
2014-01-31 10:44:43 AM  

baconbeard: Everyone knows that the secret to getting the ladies is extremely generous doses of Drakkar Noir.


HAH! When I was in high school I never had to worry about that. A friend of mine left a bottle of Drakkar Noir under his passenger seat and it broke. His entire car smelled of it, and it would permeate anything that was left inside. If I ever needed a spritz of cologne I just bummed a ride off of him.
 
2014-01-31 10:45:11 AM  

machoprogrammer: The only people who buy into Old Spice and Axe's marketing are loser nerds who frequent "pick up artist" forums and think pheromones work (hint: they don't) and preteen and teenage boys.


We do still have a pheromonasal gland.  It's just been crushed by our forebrains.
 
2014-01-31 10:46:31 AM  

theflatline: 69gnarkill69: theflatline: There's Always A Bloody Ghost: UberDave: RedPhoenix122: Oddly enough, by throwing it out and buying stuff that doesn't smell douche, he's more likely to get laid, not less.

Yep.  She should go with Old Spice or Brüt...talk about chick magnet.

Both Old Spice and Brut are irresistible to women, especially women over 45. If our fathers wore it, chances are we'll like it on our boyfriends/husbands.

Then you need therapy.

"MMMM MMMMM, this guy smells like my dad, god I want to fark him".

So, you are the only farker who's never met a woman with daddy issues?

I am old and I have met and bangulated many, but you would not think it odd in the heat of the moment, passions rising, if some woman told you you smelled like dear old dad?

"God, I am so wet, you have me trembling, and you smell like pops"

[starsmedia.ign.com image 460x276]


You do know that a lot of girls don't immediately recognize it as their dad's cologne/smell. It's a familiar smell to them. It makes them feel more comfortable.
 
2014-01-31 10:48:01 AM  
I'm guessing that the idea of setting moral and rational limits for children seems odd, or even comic, to the submitter.
 
2014-01-31 10:48:22 AM  
i1.ytimg.com

Was it her?
 
2014-01-31 10:49:01 AM  
Feels awkward in this thread when my fiance uses Old Spice Show Time and I love it. But Axe does smell like someone combined Lysol with licorice and buttcrack.

Hmm. The Bath and Body works men line is also nice. The ocean one anyway.
 
2014-01-31 10:49:24 AM  
This boy is doomed to smell like  five year old for the rest of his life.
 
2014-01-31 10:49:59 AM  
I delicately told him this was not appropriate for kids his age

"Son, only 10-year-olds wear Axe."
 
2014-01-31 10:50:25 AM  
Um... I'm Lydia C, and I like the smell of Old Spice on a man.


/ dad wore Aqua Velva
 
2014-01-31 10:50:49 AM  
Whole lotta players spreading their wisdom in this thread.
 
2014-01-31 10:52:05 AM  

theflatline: I am old and I have met and bangulated many, but you would not think it odd in the heat of the moment, passions rising, if some woman told you you smelled like dear old dad?


See, that's the thing. Barring any weird Daddy Issues, the scent doesn't directly bring up sensual thoughts in the woman. What it does is go directly to the olfactory center and subliminally activate feelings of security and protection. That relaxes her, and once relaxed, she can allow the sexytime thoughts to emerge.
 
2014-01-31 10:58:38 AM  
i1.ytimg.com
 
2014-01-31 10:59:36 AM  

Mell of a Hess: Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.

A - I didn't ask, and how could I?  Why would I?

2nd - Get off your fat ass, and go clean your son's and husband's bathroom.  Now.


Why was she in their bathroom? It seems that a concerned mother would teach the kid to clean up after himself. Oh wait, no! Women would like that.

Blogger will get roasted for this.
Axe is hideous but for crissakes just let him be a kid; his dad bought it - don't interfere.
 
2014-01-31 11:00:08 AM  

theflatline: There's Always A Bloody Ghost: UberDave: RedPhoenix122: Oddly enough, by throwing it out and buying stuff that doesn't smell douche, he's more likely to get laid, not less.

Yep.  She should go with Old Spice or Brüt...talk about chick magnet.

Both Old Spice and Brut are irresistible to women, especially women over 45. If our fathers wore it, chances are we'll like it on our boyfriends/husbands.

Then you need therapy.

"MMMM MMMMM, this guy smells like my dad, god I want to fark him".


You know nothing about women.
 
2014-01-31 11:02:52 AM  
Prom night, 1982.

fimgs.net

The smell of this shiat permeated the place.
Much like the interior of  theorellior's friend's car.
 
2014-01-31 11:03:26 AM  
At first I was thinking, what a prude with her head in the sand, but in view of the particular marketing method it was a good call.
 
2014-01-31 11:04:04 AM  

give me doughnuts: Prom night, 1982.

[fimgs.net image 300x360]

The smell of this shiat permeated the place.
Much like the interior of  theorellior's friend's car.


media.melty.fr
 
2014-01-31 11:06:01 AM  
Actually, it promotes stinking so hard people tear up around you.
 
2014-01-31 11:07:33 AM  
The lesson that this mother taught?  It is better to steal and be deceptive than be clean and nice-smelling.

In four years the letter will be "I was always a good mother but he rebels at any thing that I want".
 
2014-01-31 11:09:04 AM  

give me doughnuts: Prom night, 1982.

[fimgs.net image 300x360]

The smell of this shiat permeated the place.
Much like the interior of  theorellior's friend's car.


You know, if you only use a tiny bit, that shiat smells fantastic. That's the problem, no one uses a tiny bit, heh.(my 1994 prom also smelled like Drakkar, for what it's worth, it had a good long run of popularity, lol)
 
2014-01-31 11:11:11 AM  
I am impressed an 11 year old boy is bathing
 
2014-01-31 11:11:12 AM  

neongoats: give me doughnuts: Prom night, 1982.

[fimgs.net image 300x360]

The smell of this shiat permeated the place.
Much like the interior of  theorellior's friend's car.

You know, if you only use a tiny bit, that shiat smells fantastic. That's the problem, no one uses a tiny bit, heh.(my 1994 prom also smelled like Drakkar, for what it's worth, it had a good long run of popularity, lol)


friendsoftype.com
 
2014-01-31 11:12:09 AM  
 I am hoping our son won't mind going back to the SpongeBob shower gel he used to use, but I doubt it.

Doesn't she know SpongBob is gay?

Not that there is anything wrong with that....
 
2014-01-31 11:12:31 AM  

tom baker's scarf: [img.fark.net image 207x244]

if you want to sleep with that woman find out what cologne her father uses.

\works surprisingly well.


Okay, how do I find out the Dad's cologne? Sleep with her mom and ask her?

/Foreseeing a date with Grandma before that.
 
2014-01-31 11:12:31 AM  

Babwa Wawa: hailin: The age for a first encounter has dropped to 13. He is two years away from boinking some girl behind the school shed.

No.  No.  No.  No.

That is wrong, has been wrong for a long time, and is has gotten more wrong in recent years.


Oh let me guess...that study relied on surveys from teenagers. There is no way the majority of people's first sexual encounter was 17. I started when I was 15 and the last of all the girls I knew in high school to lose her virginity.

Yeah, yeah...we were all sluts. I stayed with the same guy I lost my virginity to for four years. It wasn't until college I decided sex was a recreational activity separate from love and turned into a super slut.
 
2014-01-31 11:13:18 AM  
I feel sorry for any 11 year old that's already trying to get laid. You don't realize what a gift childhood is until you're an old fart like me. Stay a goddamn kid a few more years. There will be plenty of time for pussy.
 
2014-01-31 11:13:46 AM  
People shouldn't be so fuggin' afraid of smelling each other. Especially Americans. Human body smell is - under most circumstances - completely acceptable.
 
2014-01-31 11:14:19 AM  

hailin: Babwa Wawa: hailin: The age for a first encounter has dropped to 13. He is two years away from boinking some girl behind the school shed.

No.  No.  No.  No.

That is wrong, has been wrong for a long time, and is has gotten more wrong in recent years.

Oh let me guess...that study relied on surveys from teenagers. There is no way the majority of people's first sexual encounter was 17. I started when I was 15 and the last of all the girls I knew in high school to lose her virginity.

Yeah, yeah...we were all sluts. I stayed with the same guy I lost my virginity to for four years. It wasn't until college I decided sex was a recreational activity separate from love and turned into a super slut.


You spelled "Attention Whore" wrong.
 
2014-01-31 11:15:24 AM  

HindiDiscoMonster: I am sure I will get flamed for this... but I love this:

[www.youchew.net image 180x180]


My 60 year old Salvadorian doorman wears that.
 
2014-01-31 11:16:04 AM  

Mad_Radhu: [i1.ytimg.com image 850x478]


Fist of angry god for the gootch.
 
2014-01-31 11:18:11 AM  

Coming on a Bicycle: People shouldn't be so fuggin' afraid of smelling each other. Especially Americans. Human body smell is - under most circumstances - completely acceptable.


What I don't understand is the use of deodorant. Worried about how you smell? Take a shower.
 
2014-01-31 11:18:39 AM  

give me doughnuts: Prom night, 1982.

[fimgs.net image 300x360]

The smell of this shiat permeated the place.
Much like the interior of  theorellior's friend's car.


I live near a High School. The other month, while riding my bike one Sunday and doing a circuit around the school (it's on the way back from my route and on a good long hill), I started coughing as I neared the corner to go around the street that borders the front. An entire city block away was the entrance, and at that entrance were about 30 HS girls, all DRENCHED IN PERFUME. I could barely breathe as I passed the front. I was maybe 30 feet away from them at my closest, and it was unbearable. Jesus frigging Christ, less is more!
 
2014-01-31 11:19:16 AM  
"It just promotes sex, not cleanliness"

areyoufinishedyet.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-01-31 11:20:24 AM  

Coming on a Bicycle: People shouldn't be so fuggin' afraid of smelling each other. Especially Americans. Human body smell is - under most circumstances - completely acceptable.


maybe you can rebrand it as HBS instead of BO, start walking around smelling like shiat but only do it if people think you are cool, you gotta be an ambassador, breh.
 
2014-01-31 11:20:56 AM  

UNC_Samurai: I'd really like to know.


Research showed that loading samples with actual pheromones would make people think the product in the bottle actually worked as well.
 
2014-01-31 11:22:17 AM  
To hell with AXE products. if it wasn't for booze and drugs I would still be a virgin.
 
2014-01-31 11:22:37 AM  

drtgb: I am hoping our son won't mind going back to the SpongeBob shower gel he used to use, but I doubt it.

Doesn't she know SpongBob is gay?

Not that there is anything wrong with that....


The kid'll be ok as long as he doesn't wash his balls with it.   Then he won't 'catch the gay'.
 
2014-01-31 11:24:08 AM  

yakmans_dad: I'm guessing that the idea of setting moral and rational limits for children seems odd, or even comic, to the submitter.


I'm guessing that submitter thinks worrying about silly marketing on a horrible smelling body spray isn't worth mentioning, let alone writing an article about.  Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
 
2014-01-31 11:24:15 AM  

Coming on a Bicycle: People shouldn't be so fuggin' afraid of smelling each other. Especially Americans. Human body smell is - under most circumstances - completely acceptable.


Difficulty: Art students in Texas in August.
 
2014-01-31 11:25:03 AM  

baconbeard: hailin: Babwa Wawa: hailin: The age for a first encounter has dropped to 13. He is two years away from boinking some girl behind the school shed.

No.  No.  No.  No.

That is wrong, has been wrong for a long time, and is has gotten more wrong in recent years.

Oh let me guess...that study relied on surveys from teenagers. There is no way the majority of people's first sexual encounter was 17. I started when I was 15 and the last of all the girls I knew in high school to lose her virginity.

Yeah, yeah...we were all sluts. I stayed with the same guy I lost my virginity to for four years. It wasn't until college I decided sex was a recreational activity separate from love and turned into a super slut.

You spelled "Attention Whore" wrong.


NTTATWWT
 
2014-01-31 11:25:22 AM  
And another serial killer is nurtured.
 
2014-01-31 11:25:36 AM  

HindiDiscoMonster: Farce-Side: NOOOOO Mommy's little boy can't grow up!!!  Stay here with Mommy!!! I'll protect you from those wretched little whores!!! They only want to hurt you!!!

Mother... Mildly NSFW lyrics.

/Thought that was appropriate.


More like This.
 
2014-01-31 11:25:55 AM  

abhorrent1: [i1.ytimg.com image 640x480]

Was it her?


ohgodohgodohgod I hate those commercials sooooo much!  The stupid burns.

As for blogger mommy with real issues, he's an 11 year old boy.  Be glad he's USING soap.

When he was about that age, my kid would wet the bar of soap while taking a bath , but not use it.  :/  I had to resort to post bath inspections for a while.  Then he hit 13, and we eventually had to have the "stop drowning yourself in all the shampoo/soap/deodorant/aftershave you can find in the bathroom".

Was quite the pattern change.  :)
 
2014-01-31 11:26:52 AM  

Satan's Bunny Slippers: Was quite the pattern change. :)


Testosterone will do that.
 
2014-01-31 11:29:56 AM  
When he saw what she had done,
He gave his mother 41.
 
2014-01-31 11:30:12 AM  

theorellior: Satan's Bunny Slippers: Was quite the pattern change. :)

Testosterone will do that.


Yes I know.  It wasn't a mystery.
 
2014-01-31 11:31:29 AM  
I thought Axe was for the douches who are into manlove, like fratboys and roidheads.
 
2014-01-31 11:33:05 AM  

Satan's Bunny Slippers: Yes I know. It wasn't a mystery.


Sorry, I wasn't trying to be snarky, just ruefully observant.
 
2014-01-31 11:33:50 AM  

yakmans_dad: Coming on a Bicycle: People shouldn't be so fuggin' afraid of smelling each other. Especially Americans. Human body smell is - under most circumstances - completely acceptable.

What I don't understand is the use of deodorant. Worried about how you smell? Take a shower.


Hey bro want a cool story?

I'm not worried about my smell but if I have anything really important to do it gives me anxiety and my pit stains get out of hand really quickly. Whenever I have a job interview (or a date) I put on my shirt after I get there so it doesn't look like I just ran up a giant flight of stairs. I shower and apply deodorant daily and this still happens on the reg. Even prescription strength deodorant can't stop me from ruining all my nice shirts
 
2014-01-31 11:35:08 AM  
Not sure about that Axe crap..... but the smell of money always brings the babes like yard dogs on a bone.

cdn2.mademan.com

ts3.mm.bing.net
 
2014-01-31 11:35:55 AM  
On one point, she is right. The EVIL marketers are using SEX to promote their product. (I'd put in the proper Bill Hurt link, but you know it already). They know us sheep.

Is she being a helicopter mom? A little.11 is a bit precocious for the stink juice though.
 
2014-01-31 11:36:14 AM  

theorellior: theflatline: I am old and I have met and bangulated many, but you would not think it odd in the heat of the moment, passions rising, if some woman told you you smelled like dear old dad?

See, that's the thing. Barring any weird Daddy Issues, the scent doesn't directly bring up sensual thoughts in the woman. What it does is go directly to the olfactory center and subliminally activate feelings of security and protection. That relaxes her, and once relaxed, she can allow the sexytime thoughts to emerge.


This. The whole farking point of these products is to mask our own natural scent with a familiar one.
 
2014-01-31 11:37:48 AM  
In other words, she believes the hype too.
 
2014-01-31 11:38:14 AM  

fsufan: Not sure about that Axe crap..... but the smell of money always brings the babes like yard dogs on a bone.

[cdn2.mademan.com image 200x272]

[ts3.mm.bing.net image 300x225]


"Our latest men's fragrance that is  very popular with the ladies is a subtle blend of leather, chocolate and gold bullion."
 
2014-01-31 11:38:49 AM  

theorellior: Coming on a Bicycle: People shouldn't be so fuggin' afraid of smelling each other. Especially Americans. Human body smell is - under most circumstances - completely acceptable.

Difficulty: Art students in Texas in August.


I had two experiences where the O and the B separated. One was a group of economics professors from Czechoslovakia. (Before the split.) I  was supposed to deliver a note to one of them and they'd left the meeting room. I was able to follow the O to find the group though they were several hundred yards away and around the corners of several buildings. The other was a group of foreign (I don't know the country) graduate students. We were to share an office. The first and last morning, though the office was empty, the O actually made my eyes water. Ordinarily I am as meek as a kitten, but I went and demanded another office. Apparently I was not the first and there was no objection to my demand.
 
2014-01-31 11:40:02 AM  

tblax: yakmans_dad: Coming on a Bicycle: People shouldn't be so fuggin' afraid of smelling each other. Especially Americans. Human body smell is - under most circumstances - completely acceptable.

What I don't understand is the use of deodorant. Worried about how you smell? Take a shower.

Hey bro want a cool story?

I'm not worried about my smell but if I have anything really important to do it gives me anxiety and my pit stains get out of hand really quickly. Whenever I have a job interview (or a date) I put on my shirt after I get there so it doesn't look like I just ran up a giant flight of stairs. I shower and apply deodorant daily and this still happens on the reg. Even prescription strength deodorant can't stop me from ruining all my nice shirts


Antiperspirant =/= deodorant.

Sorry. That can be difficult to deal with.
 
2014-01-31 11:42:03 AM  
Here's what I just read:

rack.1.mshcdn.com

"It's not my fault for being a bad parent and not knowing what my child got!  It's THEIR fault for taking advantage of my stupid husband and letting them corrupt my precious little 11-year-old snowflake!  Someone needs to get their little bottom sued off!  Waaaaaahhh!!!"

Here's what I think really happened: Dad was trying to pull a "that's my boy" move by trying to make his son more of a man and didn't think his wife would flip out like she did.  He then claimed ignorance to save face.  Either that, or the dad really was this stupid and has been living under a rock for the past 12 years or so, since he was so blissfully unaware that Axe is marketed to teens and college students.
 
2014-01-31 11:42:33 AM  

Satan's Bunny Slippers: abhorrent1: [i1.ytimg.com image 640x480]

Was it her?

ohgodohgodohgod I hate those commercials sooooo much!  The stupid burns.

As for blogger mommy with real issues, he's an 11 year old boy.  Be glad he's USING soap.

When he was about that age, my kid would wet the bar of soap while taking a bath , but not use it.  :/  I had to resort to post bath inspections for a while.  Then he hit 13, and we eventually had to have the "stop drowning yourself in all the shampoo/soap/deodorant/aftershave you can find in the bathroom".

Was quite the pattern change.  :)


I had a cousin who used to fill the tub up and stick his head in, and wrap a towel around his waist, and come out and proudly proclaim he had bathed.

His dad said "no you didn't" because he dad had stuck a 20 dollar bill under the bar of soap and it was still there.

He subsequently had to take a bathe in the front yard in a metal tub while my uncle hosed him off.

The 20 had been under the soap for 4 frigging days.
 
2014-01-31 11:44:21 AM  

EvilVanMan: Get that kid some irish spring!


I actually like how Irish Spring smells. Not enough to actually buy it, but it's not bad.
 
2014-01-31 11:44:43 AM  

"Axe! Preferred by pedophiles two to one over other shower gels. Axe! When you really want a dirty boy!"

 
2014-01-31 11:45:00 AM  

theflatline: Satan's Bunny Slippers: abhorrent1: [i1.ytimg.com image 640x480]

Was it her?

ohgodohgodohgod I hate those commercials sooooo much!  The stupid burns.

As for blogger mommy with real issues, he's an 11 year old boy.  Be glad he's USING soap.

When he was about that age, my kid would wet the bar of soap while taking a bath , but not use it.  :/  I had to resort to post bath inspections for a while.  Then he hit 13, and we eventually had to have the "stop drowning yourself in all the shampoo/soap/deodorant/aftershave you can find in the bathroom".

Was quite the pattern change.  :)

I had a cousin who used to fill the tub up and stick his head in, and wrap a towel around his waist, and come out and proudly proclaim he had bathed.

His dad said "no you didn't" because he dad had stuck a 20 dollar bill under the bar of soap and it was still there.

He subsequently had to take a bathe in the front yard in a metal tub while my uncle hosed him off.

The 20 had been under the soap for 4 frigging days.


That's...genius!   Will need to try.
 
2014-01-31 11:45:17 AM  

theflatline: Satan's Bunny Slippers: abhorrent1: [i1.ytimg.com image 640x480]

Was it her?

ohgodohgodohgod I hate those commercials sooooo much!  The stupid burns.

As for blogger mommy with real issues, he's an 11 year old boy.  Be glad he's USING soap.

When he was about that age, my kid would wet the bar of soap while taking a bath , but not use it.  :/  I had to resort to post bath inspections for a while.  Then he hit 13, and we eventually had to have the "stop drowning yourself in all the shampoo/soap/deodorant/aftershave you can find in the bathroom".

Was quite the pattern change.  :)

I had a cousin who used to fill the tub up and stick his head in, and wrap a towel around his waist, and come out and proudly proclaim he had bathed.

His dad said "no you didn't" because he dad had stuck a 20 dollar bill under the bar of soap and it was still there.

He subsequently had to take a bathe in the front yard in a metal tub while my uncle hosed him off.

The 20 had been under the soap for 4 frigging days.


Hah I used to pull that same trick when I was like seven years old. But four days is bad, even by my current grungy hipster standards
 
2014-01-31 11:45:37 AM  
This is hilarious, I bought my son (8) an Axe gift set for Christmas this year, so I'm getting a kick. My wife isn't an insufferable prude though... which is nice...

He's still at the age where he doesn't get man-stink, but I want to get him in the habit now so when puberty starts to kick in, he will be ahead of the curve.

I myself had an insufferable prude of a mother growing up who tried to punish puberty back inside me. I went from being allowed to take showers at the age of 10 to being forced to take baths at 12 (so she could hear the splashing water if i has jerking off).

I'd like to see my son be more successful as a teenager than I was allowed to be...
 
2014-01-31 11:49:17 AM  
I like Trader Joes oatmeal bar soap and the blue label Speedstick fresh scent. Combined with my natural smell, women seem to like it a lot.
YMMV
 
2014-01-31 11:52:08 AM  

abfalter: I feel sorry for the husband of this shrew.  His sex life must be awful, if it even exists.


Why on earth would they need to have sex again?  Sex is for procreation and they already have children.


/duh!
 
2014-01-31 11:52:41 AM  
The mind of an adolescent boy.
I'm not getting laid, I'M GONNA DIE A VIRGIN!!!
Better take longer showers, maybe I smell.
I'm not getting laid.
Better wear cooler clothes.
I'm not getting laid.
Better slather scented crap on.
I'm not getting laid.
Better drive faster
I'm not getting laid.
Selfies of junk sent to random girls.
I'm not getting laid.

Repeat until old, fat, bald.
 
2014-01-31 11:53:11 AM  
What cologne does this guy wear?
i.imgur.com
CASH
 
2014-01-31 11:55:12 AM  
ts4.mm.bing.net
Not even this biatch could stand the smell.
 
2014-01-31 11:59:55 AM  

Epic Fap Session: Somacandra: It promotes douchebaggery, not sex. The sexual imagery is just the route to douchebaggery. A decent body wash with a loofah will be fine. If the kid wants to get laid, he'll discover patchouli oil soon enough.

If patchouli oil gets you laid, it's time to move out of the OWS tent city.


Now I feel less bad about not knowin what patchouli oil is, but vaguely thinking it was some hippy sort of thing.

A soap and deodorant is all a man needs. A tiny spritz of good cologne is a bonus.
 
2014-01-31 12:04:05 PM  

vudukungfu: The mind of an adolescent boy.
I'm not getting laid, I'M GONNA DIE A VIRGIN!!!
Better take longer showers, maybe I smell.
I'm not getting laid.
Better wear cooler clothes.
I'm not getting laid.
Better slather scented crap on.
I'm not getting laid.
Better drive faster
I'm not getting laid.
Selfies of junk sent to random girls.
I'm not getting laid.

Repeat until old, fat, bald.


Inside the mind of a teenager:

I'm broke
My feet hurt
And that biatch be slippin'
 
2014-01-31 12:05:21 PM  

kvinesknows: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
[bio.tribune.com image 850x555]


Major Winchester!
 
2014-01-31 12:05:39 PM  

theorellior: Satan's Bunny Slippers: Yes I know. It wasn't a mystery.

Sorry, I wasn't trying to be snarky, just ruefully observant.


I'm sorry I misunderstood you.   *shakes hand*

:)
 
2014-01-31 12:06:08 PM  

MutantMotherMouse: Epic Fap Session: Somacandra: It promotes douchebaggery, not sex. The sexual imagery is just the route to douchebaggery. A decent body wash with a loofah will be fine. If the kid wants to get laid, he'll discover patchouli oil soon enough.

If patchouli oil gets you laid, it's time to move out of the OWS tent city.

Now I feel less bad about not knowin what patchouli oil is, but vaguely thinking it was some hippy sort of thing.

A soap and deodorant is all a man needs. A tiny spritz of good cologne is a bonus.


Patchouli is what hippies think is an acceptable replacement to bathing...

It might "smell" of patchouli, but it's going to taste like a batch of beer that sat in the fermenter with a yeast bomb 4 months too long...
 
2014-01-31 12:08:01 PM  

hailin: Oh let me guess...that study relied on surveys from teenagers. There is no way the majority of people's first sexual encounter was 17. I started when I was 15 and the last of all the girls I knew in high school to lose her virginity.

Yeah, yeah...we were all sluts. I stayed with the same guy I lost my virginity to for four years. It wasn't until college I decided sex was a recreational activity separate from love and turned into a super slut.


WTH are you on about?  I didn't call you a slut.

You have described very precisely how sexual norms are very localized and highly variant between small populations.  The average*age of virginity loss is 17 until you provide evidence otherwise.

* For a self-described "geek girl" you seem to have a an imperfect understanding of the concept of averages.
 
2014-01-31 12:09:18 PM  

theflatline: Satan's Bunny Slippers: abhorrent1: [i1.ytimg.com image 640x480]

Was it her?

ohgodohgodohgod I hate those commercials sooooo much!  The stupid burns.

As for blogger mommy with real issues, he's an 11 year old boy.  Be glad he's USING soap.

When he was about that age, my kid would wet the bar of soap while taking a bath , but not use it.  :/  I had to resort to post bath inspections for a while.  Then he hit 13, and we eventually had to have the "stop drowning yourself in all the shampoo/soap/deodorant/aftershave you can find in the bathroom".

Was quite the pattern change.  :)

I had a cousin who used to fill the tub up and stick his head in, and wrap a towel around his waist, and come out and proudly proclaim he had bathed.

His dad said "no you didn't" because he dad had stuck a 20 dollar bill under the bar of soap and it was still there.

He subsequently had to take a bathe in the front yard in a metal tub while my uncle hosed him off.

The 20 had been under the soap for 4 frigging days.


Now I wish I had thought of that!!!!
 
2014-01-31 12:13:51 PM  

Somacandra: It promotes douchebaggery, not sex. The sexual imagery is just the route to douchebaggery. A decent body wash with a loofah will be fine. If the kid wants to get laid, he'll discover patchouli oil soon enough.


This is about people who bathe, not people who wear patchouli.
 
2014-01-31 12:15:45 PM  

amindtat: So any suggestions on a better product than Axe that I can spray on my 11 year old to keep him from stinking, yet not have everyone point and laugh at him?


Lysol? Febreeze?

/ parent of a stinky teen and an almost-teen who seems to have developed a water allergy...
 
2014-01-31 12:17:46 PM  

kvinesknows: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
[bio.tribune.com image 850x555]


Weeners:
"
Ed Howard1 at 10:20 AM January 31, 2014
I can just picture the clutching of pearls going on.  Quick hubby, bring the fainting couch!
"

That plus them all having separate bathrooms that needs to be clarified.  My god what a nightmare of a stereotype harpy.
 
2014-01-31 12:18:49 PM  
The only chick magnet worth using.
i183.photobucket.com
 
2014-01-31 12:19:30 PM  

Fecal Conservative: What's his future fark handle?


IMurderedMyMomWithAxe?
 
2014-01-31 12:23:00 PM  

MaritimeGirl: Some of the newer Axe scents in shower gels do smell really nice - this woman is crazy and I feel sorry for her son and husband. I buy lots of shower gel and never read the marketing paragraphs on them - I open the bottle and do a sniff test. If I really like the scent, great, I buy it, I don't care what company made it.  I'm not a lifetime loyal customer to any company for bath products.


I'll admit it: I use the Axe Phoenix body wash.  I think it has a pleasant scent that's not nearly as overpowering or downright offensive as many other products (other Axe products included).  More importantly, my wife likes it :)

Of course, that doesn't mean that I buy into their moronic marketing campaign.  I use it because I like it, not because I really believe it's some kind of magic sex potion.
 
2014-01-31 12:23:56 PM  
Or, maybe that new hair care sensation, Conditioner Gordon?
 
2014-01-31 12:25:04 PM  

CeroX: This is hilarious, I bought my son (8) an Axe gift set for Christmas this year, so I'm getting a kick. My wife isn't an insufferable prude though... which is nice...

He's still at the age where he doesn't get man-stink, but I want to get him in the habit now so when puberty starts to kick in, he will be ahead of the curve.

I myself had an insufferable prude of a mother growing up who tried to punish puberty back inside me. I went from being allowed to take showers at the age of 10 to being forced to take baths at 12 (so she could hear the splashing water if i has jerking off).

I'd like to see my son be more successful as a teenager than I was allowed to be...


damn
 
2014-01-31 12:31:40 PM  
I've found this stuff really does the job

moccasinjoedist.com
 
2014-01-31 12:36:06 PM  
i.chzbgr.com
 
2014-01-31 12:42:49 PM  

CeroX: This is hilarious, I bought my son (8) an Axe gift set for Christmas this year, so I'm getting a kick. My wife isn't an insufferable prude though... which is nice...

He's still at the age where he doesn't get man-stink, but I want to get him in the habit now so when puberty starts to kick in, he will be ahead of the curve.

I myself had an insufferable prude of a mother growing up who tried to punish puberty back inside me. I went from being allowed to take showers at the age of 10 to being forced to take baths at 12 (so she could hear the splashing water if i has jerking off).

I'd like to see my son be more successful as a teenager than I was allowed to be...


OK folks, here's proof that these mothers fark people up.

Could you not wank it underwater?  Or just stand up and use the toilet paper or something.  I mean, I know you don't want to swim in watered down spooge, but grab something.  We aren't talking about a visual inspection.
 
2014-01-31 12:47:43 PM  
www.funnyloves.com
 
2014-01-31 12:52:48 PM  

Treetop1000: The only chick magnet worth using.
[i183.photobucket.com image 500x500]


Smell like a real man...

images.fendrihan.com
 
2014-01-31 12:54:40 PM  
Sounds like this lady needs more important things to worry about.
 
2014-01-31 12:59:06 PM  

UberDave: RedPhoenix122: Oddly enough, by throwing it out and buying stuff that doesn't smell douche, he's more likely to get laid, not less.

Yep.  She should go with Old Spice or Brüt...talk about chick magnet.


Hai Karate!

Chicks dig it!
 
2014-01-31 01:11:31 PM  
Boy, she really teed that one up for us, didn't she?
 
2014-01-31 01:12:33 PM  
I have an eleven-year-old son. I have a hard enough time getting him to read anything. I do not find it likely that he would read what is on a shower gel bottle. Not many people do.

Secondly, let the kid use the damn stuff. If he does think he's going to get laid by using it (which is unlikely), he will learn an important life lesson when he does not: you have to be rich to get laid.
 
2014-01-31 01:15:40 PM  

Farty McPooPants: What cologne does this guy wear?
[i.imgur.com image 469x390]


More importantly, why isn't he wearing a bra?
 
2014-01-31 01:18:47 PM  
I used to take Dr. Bronner's soap when I'd go camping.  Not only is it refreshing and easy on the environment, it makes for good (really farking crazy) reading.
 
2014-01-31 01:20:40 PM  

yakmans_dad: Farty McPooPants: What cologne does this guy wear?
[i.imgur.com image 469x390]

More importantly, why isn't he wearing a bra?


Because those chicks are only there to hold up his boobs.

The REAL chcicks are waiting in his quarters.
 
2014-01-31 01:33:34 PM  

Diogenes: I used to take Dr. Bronner's soap when I'd go camping.  Not only is it refreshing and easy on the environment, it makes for good (really farking crazy) reading.


best.soap.ever.
If you can take only 1 item for all purpose cleansing, DB's is it.
 
2014-01-31 01:33:59 PM  

Farty McPooPants: What cologne does this guy wear?
[i.imgur.com image 469x390]
CASH


Works every time!

www.saginawscholarships.com
 
2014-01-31 01:38:33 PM  

69gnarkill69: baconbeard: Everyone knows that the secret to getting the ladies is extremely generous doses of Drakkar Noir.

Odour de jour for the 80's man:

[fimgs.net image 300x308]


I can attest to the fact this worked wonders on the 80s girl.  Had a boyfriend who wore this -- made me hornier than usual (I was quite...um...interested).  Then a friend of my dad's started wearing it and that was the end of that.  If I smell it now I don't think of my old boyfriend but rather my father's friend.
 
2014-01-31 01:42:03 PM  

CeroX: This is hilarious, I bought my son (8) an Axe gift set for Christmas this year, so I'm getting a kick. My wife isn't an insufferable prude though... which is nice...

He's still at the age where he doesn't get man-stink, but I want to get him in the habit now so when puberty starts to kick in, he will be ahead of the curve.

I myself had an insufferable prude of a mother growing up who tried to punish puberty back inside me. I went from being allowed to take showers at the age of 10 to being forced to take baths at 12 (so she could hear the splashing water if i has jerking off).

I'd like to see my son be more successful as a teenager than I was allowed to be...


Psychologist here.  Hope you know your mom was seriously farked up.
 
2014-01-31 01:45:22 PM  
www.asbmb.org
 
2014-01-31 01:48:05 PM  

mike_d85: CeroX: This is hilarious, I bought my son (8) an Axe gift set for Christmas this year, so I'm getting a kick. My wife isn't an insufferable prude though... which is nice...

He's still at the age where he doesn't get man-stink, but I want to get him in the habit now so when puberty starts to kick in, he will be ahead of the curve.

I myself had an insufferable prude of a mother growing up who tried to punish puberty back inside me. I went from being allowed to take showers at the age of 10 to being forced to take baths at 12 (so she could hear the splashing water if i has jerking off).

I'd like to see my son be more successful as a teenager than I was allowed to be...

OK folks, here's proof that these mothers fark people up.

Could you not wank it underwater?  Or just stand up and use the toilet paper or something.  I mean, I know you don't want to swim in watered down spooge, but grab something.  We aren't talking about a visual inspection.


I just learned to wank it elsewhere until i was 14 when i was finally allowed to shower again... by then i couldn't wank in the shower... still can't to this day... it's either at my computer or in the bed, as it has been since i was 12...
 
2014-01-31 02:08:36 PM  
I might be able to understand an 11 year old believing the marketing BS from Axe but a mom should know better.
 
2014-01-31 02:15:12 PM  

People Who Annoy You: Clearly every time the son walked by mother, Niagara Falls ensued.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_yJBhzMWJCc

/Slowly, I turned...
 
2014-01-31 02:16:37 PM  
This thread is such a mix of bad trolling, misinformation, and hilarity. But this mother sounds like my mother, except she couldn't use a computer so she couldn't share her insanity with the world.

/Yardley of London Oatmeal soap (found at Dollar Tree), Degree antiperspirant, and a spritz of Burberry weekend if I'm feeling fancy
 
2014-01-31 02:28:59 PM  

VladTheEmailer: My teen boy has Axe. He was bought it as a present from his gparents.
He likes the smell, which admittedly is marginally better than unmasked teen boy smell.

Not so much worried about him being a chick magnet any time soon while his bedroom is covered in Legos. Although the thread with the pornstar caused me to pause.


OK, this doesn't happen often, but that made me laugh pretty hard.

/I proposed to my wife with a lego ring
//I was poor
///she thought it was great.
 
2014-01-31 02:36:54 PM  

Janusdog: Psychologist here. Hope you know your mom was seriously farked up.


She's ultra religious... "better to spill the seed in the belly of a whore than on the ground, so says the bible".

Which meant NO wackin'... ever...

Truthfully, she grew up the only girl with 4 brothers, in a small house. I'm sure she had her share of accidental walk ins on my uncles wackin it and likely scarred her for life of the idea...
 
2014-01-31 02:47:46 PM  
Most of this Body Wash, Body Spray, Man-fume or whatever the hell they're calling it is nothing but a collection of allergy-provoking substances that smell to the average person like a collection of jockstraps taken off the local soccer team after an 8-hour set of activities including but not limited to warm-up, tournament game, and 4-hour boozeup concluded with the traditional farting competition.
The inside of the jockstraps.
 
2014-01-31 03:06:22 PM  

MutantMotherMouse: Epic Fap Session: Somacandra: It promotes douchebaggery, not sex. The sexual imagery is just the route to douchebaggery. A decent body wash with a loofah will be fine. If the kid wants to get laid, he'll discover patchouli oil soon enough.

If patchouli oil gets you laid, it's time to move out of the OWS tent city.

Now I feel less bad about not knowin what patchouli oil is, but vaguely thinking it was some hippy sort of thing.

A soap and deodorant is all a man needs. A tiny spritz of good cologne is a bonus.


This is truth.  My daily regimen is plain old Ivory soap, and Arm&Hammer deodorant.  The wife digs it a lot. My workwife likes it. I've had women I work with compliment me on smelling "fresh".

If dressing up to go out, I will apply a very conservative amount of Stetson Black. It's enough for anybody hugging to catch a subtle sniff, but not enough for casual passersby to be really aware of it.  It's a nice earthy scent, with sandalwood and leather undertones.

Your sense of self and personal presence should say far more about you than your scent.
 
2014-01-31 03:22:15 PM  
WTF is this "shower gel" crap?  Use a bar of soap like a real man.
 
2014-01-31 03:24:21 PM  
Plebs.

www.florislondon.com
 
2014-01-31 03:25:50 PM  
Classic case of Helicopter Mom. A busy-body, bored, probably bitter(hence the separate living quarters), mid-aged woman, who, frankly, needs to get a life. Ironically, she sounds like the mother in the new Old Spice commercial with the creepy moms who won't let go of their sons, so stalks them. The kid is 11! She should be glad he's showering! Her little intro for her blog sounds like she dislikes her son, "unfocused and disorganized" then she's posting this? Poor kid is going to need much need therapy years to come.
 
2014-01-31 03:34:27 PM  
"Not as long as I am around."

Aw hell naw, lady.

Humans are sexual beings.  Your 11-year-old already get frequent boners and understands that touching his genitals feels pleasurable.

In the next couple years, if he hasn't already, he is going to start masturbating.  A lot.  Like, double-your-laundry-detergent budget a lot.

Within a few years after that, he will likely start being sexually active with other people.  Learn to accept this.  It is what animals with mature reproductive systems do.

If you're not capable of instilling a healthy attitude towards sex in him, find him a relative or some other mentor who can.  Otherwise you will be a grandmother before you know it.
 
2014-01-31 03:36:33 PM  
I'll often use Halston Z-14, but lately I've been using this. Good stuff.

ecx.images-amazon.com
 
2014-01-31 03:43:01 PM  
There's a deodorant with the scent if you object, as I do, to the idea of men wearing cologne.

ep.yimg.com
 
2014-01-31 03:43:58 PM  

cynicalbastard: Most of this Body Wash, Body Spray, Man-fume or whatever the hell they're calling it is nothing but a collection of allergy-provoking substances that smell to the average person like a collection of jockstraps taken off the local soccer team after an 8-hour set of activities including but not limited to warm-up, tournament game, and 4-hour boozeup concluded with the traditional farting competition.
The inside of the jockstraps.


I really don't want to know how you know that.
 
2014-01-31 03:44:32 PM  
1)Most of the axe line doesn't smell that bad. Dark Temptation smells pretty good. I would stay away from the body sprays though. I think that's where people get their negative experiences.

2)Someone mentioned earlier that women are more attracted to feminine scents. I think the people at Axe and Old Spice are on to something. Most of their products over the past year or two don't smell very "manly" and I find that whenever I use the shower gel and deodorant combo, I get a lot of complements from women about my scent even though I think I smell like a lady. I'm going to start wearing perfume to see how that works for me.
 
2014-01-31 03:52:08 PM  

CeroX: Janusdog: Psychologist here. Hope you know your mom was seriously farked up.

She's ultra religious... "better to spill the seed in the belly of a whore than on the ground, so says the bible".

Which meant NO wackin'... ever...

Truthfully, she grew up the only girl with 4 brothers, in a small house. I'm sure she had her share of accidental walk ins on my uncles wackin it and likely scarred her for life of the idea...


To me this info just supports what I said.  All I mean is I hope you don't have any residual guilt.  Or swing too far to the other side and overcorrect.  It's not helpful to be too creepily permissive either.  Like there was just a letter to some columnist lately about a father demo-ing a dildo for his daughter so she could have "healthy sexuality".  The extent of the demo was unclear.  But obviously, inappropriate.
 
2014-01-31 03:54:31 PM  
Hhhhhhawk.

u.jimdo.com
 
2014-01-31 03:56:39 PM  

serial_crusher: WTF is this "shower gel" crap?  Use a bar of soap like a real man.


I was going to make a snide post about how I find it interesting that using bar soap is somehow tied to you masculinity but I realized that  I felt uncomfortable about posting it without somehow pointing out that I use bar soap.  This sort of crap needs to stop. We do this to young people of both genders all the time and it's sick.  It preys on our most ingrained need to fit in which is a byproduct of our evolution as a social species.  Advertisers are literally exploiting our basestinstincts to make money by selling us toxic products and unrealistic ideals and we help them every day.  Only our twisted civilization could possibly draw a link between the brand or type of soap we use and our worthiness for breeding.
 
2014-01-31 03:57:10 PM  
Yeah, I don't think so. My son is 11. He is not getting dirty with any female anytime soon. Not as long as I am around.

This is why we can't have nice things.
 
2014-01-31 04:06:46 PM  

Egoy3k: I was going to make a snide post about how I find it interesting that using bar soap is somehow tied to you masculinity but I realized that I felt uncomfortable about posting it without somehow pointing out that I use bar soap.


I agree. it's much less effective to drop a bottle of gel in the shower.
 
2014-01-31 04:13:53 PM  

legion_of_doo: kvinesknows: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
[bio.tribune.com image 850x555]

TWO WEEKS!?


Get ready for a surprise!!
 
2014-01-31 04:15:06 PM  

Somacandra: It promotes douchebaggery, not sex. The sexual imagery is just the route to douchebaggery. A decent body wash with a loofah will be fine. If the kid wants to get laid, he'll discover patchouli oil soon enough.


Assuming he wants to bed dirty hippies, sure.
 
2014-01-31 04:15:16 PM  

Egoy3k: serial_crusher: WTF is this "shower gel" crap?  Use a bar of soap like a real man.

I was going to make a snide post about how I find it interesting that using bar soap is somehow tied to you masculinity but I realized that  I felt uncomfortable about posting it without somehow pointing out that I use bar soap.  This sort of crap needs to stop. We do this to young people of both genders all the time and it's sick.  It preys on our most ingrained need to fit in which is a byproduct of our evolution as a social species.  Advertisers are literally exploiting our basestinstincts to make money by selling us toxic products and unrealistic ideals and we help them every day.  Only our twisted civilization could possibly draw a link between the brand or type of soap we use and our worthiness for breeding.


Nothing will compare to the sense of embarassment I felt the first time I had to buy shampoo in college, and the store only had all this girly scented stuff with pictures of flowers on the bottles.  "ok. ok.  You can do this.  Just pick the least girly one.  Wait, which one is least girly?  This one doesn't look as girly, but it says it smells like lilacs.  What the heck does a lilac even smell like?  Do... do lilacs smell like girls?"

Eventually they started stocking Suave For Men, which came in a blue bottle and had the words "FOR MEN" predominantly displayed on the bottle.  It was a life saver.  Whoever invented that was a genius, but I guess he was the predecessor of Axe and all that other crap.
 
2014-01-31 04:24:29 PM  

serial_crusher: Egoy3k: serial_crusher: WTF is this "shower gel" crap?  Use a bar of soap like a real man.

I was going to make a snide post about how I find it interesting that using bar soap is somehow tied to you masculinity but I realized that  I felt uncomfortable about posting it without somehow pointing out that I use bar soap.  This sort of crap needs to stop. We do this to young people of both genders all the time and it's sick.  It preys on our most ingrained need to fit in which is a byproduct of our evolution as a social species.  Advertisers are literally exploiting our basestinstincts to make money by selling us toxic products and unrealistic ideals and we help them every day.  Only our twisted civilization could possibly draw a link between the brand or type of soap we use and our worthiness for breeding.

Nothing will compare to the sense of embarassment I felt the first time I had to buy shampoo in college, and the store only had all this girly scented stuff with pictures of flowers on the bottles.  "ok. ok.  You can do this.  Just pick the least girly one.  Wait, which one is least girly?  This one doesn't look as girly, but it says it smells like lilacs.  What the heck does a lilac even smell like?  Do... do lilacs smell like girls?"

Eventually they started stocking Suave For Men, which came in a blue bottle and had the words "FOR MEN" predominantly displayed on the bottle.  It was a life saver.  Whoever invented that was a genius, but I guess he was the predecessor of Axe and all that other crap.



Someone must have been reading your mind...

img.fark.net
 
2014-01-31 05:10:19 PM  
Great going Mom, you just made sure he is going to do it with some boy instead!
 
2014-01-31 05:12:10 PM  
My lady friend really seems to enjoy the scent of Old Spice antiperspirant on me.

So does my cat, though hopefully he likes it for different reasons.
 
2014-01-31 05:21:19 PM  

Janusdog: CeroX: Janusdog: Psychologist here. Hope you know your mom was seriously farked up.

She's ultra religious... "better to spill the seed in the belly of a whore than on the ground, so says the bible".

Which meant NO wackin'... ever...

Truthfully, she grew up the only girl with 4 brothers, in a small house. I'm sure she had her share of accidental walk ins on my uncles wackin it and likely scarred her for life of the idea...

To me this info just supports what I said.  All I mean is I hope you don't have any residual guilt.  Or swing too far to the other side and overcorrect.  It's not helpful to be too creepily permissive either.  Like there was just a letter to some columnist lately about a father demo-ing a dildo for his daughter so she could have "healthy sexuality".  The extent of the demo was unclear.  But obviously, inappropriate.


I'm going to buy or DL his porn for him (mostly so he's not surfing unsafe porn sites and infecting his computer, or delving into the illegal) and give him a box of tissues and say "Stick a sock on the doorknob to let us know when we need to stay out. Use the tissues, not a sock, we'll buy more. Keep the volume low enough we can't hear it. There's no shame, but there's no reason to broadcast it either."

Hopefully that's not too far to the other side so to speak...
 
2014-01-31 05:32:49 PM  

CeroX: Janusdog: CeroX: Janusdog: Psychologist here. Hope you know your mom was seriously farked up.

She's ultra religious... "better to spill the seed in the belly of a whore than on the ground, so says the bible".

Which meant NO wackin'... ever...

Truthfully, she grew up the only girl with 4 brothers, in a small house. I'm sure she had her share of accidental walk ins on my uncles wackin it and likely scarred her for life of the idea...

To me this info just supports what I said.  All I mean is I hope you don't have any residual guilt.  Or swing too far to the other side and overcorrect.  It's not helpful to be too creepily permissive either.  Like there was just a letter to some columnist lately about a father demo-ing a dildo for his daughter so she could have "healthy sexuality".  The extent of the demo was unclear.  But obviously, inappropriate.

I'm going to buy or DL his porn for him (mostly so he's not surfing unsafe porn sites and infecting his computer, or delving into the illegal) and give him a box of tissues and say "Stick a sock on the doorknob to let us know when we need to stay out. Use the tissues, not a sock, we'll buy more. Keep the volume low enough we can't hear it. There's no shame, but there's no reason to broadcast it either."

Hopefully that's not too far to the other side so to speak...


putting the sock on the door broadcasts it.
 
2014-01-31 05:54:14 PM  

Diogenes: amindtat: So any suggestions on a better product than Axe that I can spray on my 11 year old to keep him from stinking, yet not have everyone point and laugh at him?

The Dove Men's line is nice.

As for a cologne - everyone is different.  I don't wear it often myself.  But this is a very nice, light scent.  Clean.

[img.fark.net image 225x225]


It's fine if you don't mind acquiring blue-in-blue eyes.
 
2014-01-31 06:05:05 PM  

CeroX: I'm going to buy or DL his porn for him (mostly so he's not surfing unsafe porn sites and infecting his computer, or delving into the illegal) and give him a box of tissues and say "Stick a sock on the doorknob to let us know when we need to stay out.


How about knocking before just waltzing into his room when his door is closed?
 
2014-01-31 06:13:24 PM  

CeroX: I'm going to buy or DL his porn for him (mostly so he's not surfing unsafe porn sites and infecting his computer, or delving into the illegal)


So are you going to have an awkward parent-child conversation about what his sexual interests are, or are you just going to project your own onto him?

Also, you might as well assume that whenever the door to the room he's in is closed, he's masturbating in there.  This will be true until he moves out of your home and into the dorms.
 
2014-01-31 06:31:26 PM  
Id like to try this, but would like a scratch n sniff card or trial sample or something before i order a $40 bottle from amazon...

ecx.images-amazon.com
 
2014-01-31 07:00:40 PM  

CeroX: I'm going to buy or DL his porn for him (mostly so he's not surfing unsafe porn sites and infecting his computer, or delving into the illegal) and give him a box of tissues and say "Stick a sock on the doorknob to let us know when we need to stay out. Use the tissues, not a sock, we'll buy more. Keep the volume low enough we can't hear it. There's no shame, but there's no reason to broadcast it either."

Hopefully that's not too far to the other side so to speak...


Please tell me that you're joking. Holy shiat, dude. That is too far in the other direction.

Do not acquire his porn for him. Just give him a computer with his own account that is not the administrator account so random things can't get installed. Don't hand him tissues just keep extra boxes of tissues and rolls of TP in a closet. Don't ask him to announce when he's jerking it with a sock. FFS, are you trying to make it as uncomfortable as possible?

He wont want you to know about it. He wont want you to approach him with new spank material. Finding porn, discovering what you like, finding new things in the process and the hunt in general is half of the fun. It's a weird time for a guy. He will not want any acknowledgement of his parents being aware that he's doing that. Just knock of the door is closed. Trust me, when a young guy is jerking it when other people in the house you'd think you know what the most sensitive part of his body is at that moment. But you'd be wrong because it's his ears. The last thing he wants is for others to walk in on him.

You taking an active interest in him playing with his new best friend WILL fark him up. If you happen across it by accident then just say something, "Just make sure to keep it private". Seriously, we don't want out parents having an active part in our jerking it. Be cool and non give-a-shiat about it. Don't offer up spank help.

Now, during "the talk" make it known that if he can't get condoms that you'd be more than happy to buy them. if he's uncomfortable with asking directly then just keep a box in a closet. If you notice it's gone, or the empty box is all that's left then you'd replace it.
 
2014-01-31 07:06:27 PM  
So, to sum it up - You being hands off is the best way to make sure that he's well adjusted with being hands on.
 
2014-01-31 07:48:55 PM  

CeroX: Hopefully that's not too far to the other side so to speak...


Yah, that's too far.  When you talk about sex, among the other things you talk about (being safe on and offline, etc), set expectations around porn.  Porn displays a relationship out of context - only one aspect of it.  Women deserve respect that isn't necessarily shown in it, and women don't enjoy sex the way porn displays it.

Otherwise, let him do his own exploring.
 
2014-01-31 08:29:56 PM  

baka-san: Treetop1000: The only chick magnet worth using.
[i183.photobucket.com image 500x500]

Smell like a real man...

[images.fendrihan.com image 222x222]


www.proof66.com

Pfft! Real men reek of cheap bourbon. Just chug an entire bottle and you're good to go!
 
2014-01-31 09:05:39 PM  
My grandma got me a can of Axe Anarchy for X-Mas. Haven't used it, but I like law and order in my armpits!!!! Plus I prefer to lather down with:

www.hormelfoods.com

Orrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, if I'm on a date and really wanna get the ladies wild, I just lather down with:

t0.gstatic.com

SCENT OF A MAN, BABY!!!!
 
2014-01-31 09:47:00 PM  

Babwa Wawa: women don't enjoy sex the way porn displays it.


Well, some women do, sometimes.

But he can find that out for himself when he's older.
 
2014-01-31 10:08:44 PM  

poot_rootbeer: Well, some women do, sometimes.

But he can find that out for himself when he's older.


That's true - I should have written "don't always enjoy".  I do find that redtube is not the best way to gauge what women want.

Sad, really.
 
2014-02-01 01:38:56 AM  
So in the late 80's it was Polo for the kids that could afford it, and yet, no subtlety about that one either.

This is the rite of the adolescent-to-teen male, and it has always been thus.
 
2014-02-01 08:17:03 AM  

UNC_Samurai: CSB time.

Several years ago when I was a manager at the local Gamestop, we had a large promotional deal with Axe. We were cross-promoting their new Snake Peel brand. But the day we got in the box of a thousand little free samples, the company deep-sided the promotion. They weren't happy about the suggestive nature of the ad; it said something about being seduced by a sword-swallower. So corp sends me an email directing me to throw them out or give them to the employees, just don't give them away to customers. My employees each grabbed a handful and I took the rest of the box home - about three hundred samples. My next day off, Mrs. Samurai and I were going out to dinner. I decided to give the Axe stuff a try, because why not. About five minutes into my shower, I've used two or three of these packets, and she walks into the bathroom to grab something. She gets a whiff of the Snake Peel, and somehow the stuff actually worked like they mentioned in the advertisement - the scent turned her on not a little. We skip dinner.

What's strange is, that brand out of the bottle didn't have the same effect on her (and she thinks the other Axe brands smell like a bar of soap was crossed with cheap cologne). But those samples had some mojo. Every once in a while I'll find one in the back of my bathroom cupboard and completely ruin whatever plans we had for the evening.

So yeah, Axe and the am-bro-ence they promote can EABOD, but whatever they did with those samples, I'd really like to know.


I was beginning to wonder if I was alone in that....
I think the bottles get a little weaker over time.  They're still nice new.  Get small ones from a store that probably gets stock in regularly.

The spray is horrible.  That body wash smells like the guy is really clean.... and then worked on some light construction for about 10 minutes, without eating anything that would mess up that particular effect.


Have not smelled the type mentioned in the article though.  I doubt it really smells like chocolate - that doesn't seem to mesh with the other Axe stuff.  However, I can totally see a candy smelling shower gel that DOESN'T scream pre-school being appealing to pre-teens.
 
2014-02-01 08:46:12 AM  

Diogenes: Ugh.  "oblivious"


1.bp.blogspot.com

Knocking you into Bolivion
 
2014-02-01 10:40:41 AM  
FTFA:  I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.

Stopped reading right there. Women's bathrooms are just as messy/dirty/cluttered, if not more, than men's. Author lost all credibility right there.
 
2014-02-01 02:45:09 PM  

kvinesknows: And take a quick wif lady.. are your loins on fire?  no?  in fact you are repulsed?  yeah...  think about that for a moment


She was also repulsed at the picture of the girl standing next to the guy as if they were doing something unthinkable and has a separate bathroom from her husband. I'm thinking something else is amiss here.

/Axe is repulsive in any case.
//You know what I like on a guy? Soap.
 
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