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(Orlando Sentinel)   "My son is 11. He is not getting dirty with any female anytime soon. Not as long as I am around. So I threw out the bottle of Axe Body Wash. It just promotes sex, not cleanliness"   (orlandosentinel.com) divider line 283
    More: Florida, shower gel, axe, female anytime  
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8978 clicks; posted to Main » on 31 Jan 2014 at 9:56 AM (30 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



283 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-01-31 09:31:52 AM
Oddly enough, by throwing it out and buying stuff that doesn't smell douche, he's more likely to get laid, not less.
 
2014-01-31 09:36:21 AM
What do you think?

I think you're getting far too bent out of shape over marketing that even your son, the consumer, was obvlious to.

And what RedPhoenix122 said.
 
2014-01-31 09:36:56 AM
Ugh.  "oblivious"
 
2014-01-31 09:44:44 AM
I'm calling it now, her son will be a father by 16
 
2014-01-31 09:48:02 AM

RedPhoenix122: Oddly enough, by throwing it out and buying stuff that doesn't smell douche, he's more likely to get laid, not less.


This.  An overuse of that shiatty Axe crap is female repellent.
 
2014-01-31 09:56:02 AM
It promotes douchebaggery, not sex. The sexual imagery is just the route to douchebaggery. A decent body wash with a loofah will be fine. If the kid wants to get laid, he'll discover patchouli oil soon enough.
 
2014-01-31 09:57:10 AM
I feel sorry for the husband of this shrew.  His sex life must be awful, if it even exists.
 
2014-01-31 09:57:45 AM

RedPhoenix122: Oddly enough, by throwing it out and buying stuff that doesn't smell douche, he's more likely to get laid, not less.


Yep.  She should go with Old Spice or Brüt...talk about chick magnet.
 
2014-01-31 09:57:49 AM
It's like a weaponized Ed Hardy shirt.
 
2014-01-31 09:58:54 AM

Diogenes: I think you're getting far too bent out of shape over marketing that even your son, the consumer, was obvlious to.


I can't recall if you're male, but if you are and you think and 11-year old boy is oblivious to Axe's marketing that invariably features attractive females showering affectionate attention on a guy, you're...well, a bit out of touch.
 
2014-01-31 09:59:30 AM

abfalter: I feel sorry for the husband of this shrew.  His sex life must be awful, if it even exists.


They created a child. That's enough.
 
2014-01-31 09:59:52 AM

Somacandra: It promotes douchebaggery, not sex. The sexual imagery is just the route to douchebaggery. A decent body wash with a loofah will be fine. If the kid wants to get laid, he'll discover patchouli oil soon enough.


I see people post things on Fark sometimes that just make my mind wander away, muttering to itself.
 
2014-01-31 10:00:00 AM

Somacandra: It promotes douchebaggery, not sex. The sexual imagery is just the route to douchebaggery. A decent body wash with a loofah will be fine. If the kid wants to get laid, he'll discover patchouli oil soon enough.


Or lavender.  Biatches love lavender.
 
2014-01-31 10:00:16 AM
FTFA: I am hoping our son won't mind going back to the SpongeBob shower gel he used to use, but I doubt it.

Hmmm. On second thought, you're a coont. I hope he drowns you in Axe when he figures that out. A decent parent would still allow him to pick from a set of choices at the store. He's 11, not a toddler.
 
2014-01-31 10:00:48 AM
Yeah, this doesn't sound like a completely concocted scenario at all.
 
2014-01-31 10:01:04 AM

Somacandra: It promotes douchebaggery, not sex. The sexual imagery is just the route to douchebaggery. A decent body wash with a loofah will be fine. If the kid wants to get laid, he'll discover patchouli oil soon enough.


If patchouli oil gets you laid, it's time to move out of the OWS tent city.
 
2014-01-31 10:01:34 AM
NOOOOO Mommy's little boy can't grow up!!!  Stay here with Mommy!!! I'll protect you from those wretched little whores!!! They only want to hurt you!!!
 
2014-01-31 10:02:13 AM
(Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.)

what a fugging biatch.

Is the boy adopted? because I seriously wonder if she has ever allowed herself to be farked.

also... seriously... they actually bothered to talk to him about it?  WTF is wrong with that biatch? throw it out because its crap.  And take a quick wif lady.. are your loins on fire?  no?  in fact you are repulsed?  yeah...  think about that for a moment
 
2014-01-31 10:02:15 AM
I went to my husband, who, of course, bought our son the Axe

And thus began the legend of George Washington.
 
2014-01-31 10:03:03 AM

apoptotic: Yeah, this doesn't sound like a completely concocted scenario at all.


And in no way is this a "viral" marketing campaign by the makers of Axe.  No siree.
 
2014-01-31 10:03:24 AM
I hate to break it to you but marketing uses, or manufactures, insecurities to sell you stuff you never needed.  Little Jonny isn't trying to get laid, Little Jonny is worried he won't fit in and he was told this will help.

Now when Little Jonny becomes Bro Jon frat boy then the smell just serves as a warning
 
2014-01-31 10:03:39 AM
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
bio.tribune.com
 
2014-01-31 10:03:57 AM
I went to a bar with my roomate once, every guy there must have drowned themselves in Axe. The reek made me long for the days of smoke stink in bars. For a while she was dating a guy that used it the smae way. I would make her fabreeze the couch and wash any blanket he used, his stank just got everywhere it was like the BO episode of Seinfeld.
 
2014-01-31 10:04:08 AM
Done in one.
 
2014-01-31 10:04:18 AM
(Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.)

Maybe they're using their own bathroom instead of both your husband and you sharing yours is because, you, Ma'am are an asshole?!
 
2014-01-31 10:05:15 AM

jso2897: I see people post things on Fark sometimes that just make my mind wander away, muttering to itself.


Patchouli is like Sex Panther. It helps you find the hippie pagan chicks. All I can say is that I speak from experience.
 
2014-01-31 10:05:41 AM

HotWingConspiracy: It's like a weaponized Ed Hardy shirt.


Apropos of nothing, this makes me wonder if you could rig up a version of the office cubicle hand grenade (febreze can zip-tied) with a can of axe. Go into a hipster bar, yell "FIRE IN THE HOLE", and toss it.
 
2014-01-31 10:05:48 AM

Somacandra: jso2897: I see people post things on Fark sometimes that just make my mind wander away, muttering to itself.

Patchouli is like Sex Panther. It helps you find the hippie pagan chicks. All I can say is that I speak from experience.


So 60% of the time it works every time?
 
2014-01-31 10:06:01 AM
I went to my husband, who, of course, bought our son the Axe, not having a clue the label read like a sex product.


That's old Dad, completely oblivious to the world around him (or so he tells you).  We certainly cant have him steering his son into manhood.
 
2014-01-31 10:06:30 AM
img.gawkerassets.com
 
2014-01-31 10:06:45 AM

kvinesknows: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
[bio.tribune.com image 850x555]


Pretty much what I expected.
 
2014-01-31 10:06:49 AM
thats right. careful there lad. you could knock up a gal and be stuck with a woman like mom.
 
2014-01-31 10:06:52 AM

DarkSoulNoHope: (Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.)

Maybe they're using their own bathroom instead of both your husband and you sharing yours is because, you, Ma'am are an asshole?!


Yeah her husband must need a quiet place to jerkoff.
 
2014-01-31 10:06:58 AM
My teen boy has Axe. He was bought it as a present from his gparents.
He likes the smell, which admittedly is marginally better than unmasked teen boy smell.

Not so much worried about him being a chick magnet any time soon while his bedroom is covered in Legos. Although the thread with the pornstar caused me to pause.
 
2014-01-31 10:07:07 AM

grinding_journalist: Diogenes: I think you're getting far too bent out of shape over marketing that even your son, the consumer, was obvlious to.

I can't recall if you're male, but if you are and you think and 11-year old boy is oblivious to Axe's marketing that invariably features attractive females showering affectionate attention on a guy, you're...well, a bit out of touch.


He might be aware.  But if you want to go there (thinking like an 11 year old) he might want it simply because everyone else is using it, too.
 
2014-01-31 10:07:08 AM
Mother do you think they'll drop the bomb?
 
2014-01-31 10:07:17 AM

abfalter: I feel sorry for the husband of this shrew.  His sex life must be awful, if it even exists.


They don't even share a bathroom - my guess is she is a sasquatch
 
2014-01-31 10:07:22 AM

kvinesknows: GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!
[bio.tribune.com image 850x555]


TWO WEEKS!?
 
2014-01-31 10:07:48 AM

Farce-Side: NOOOOO Mommy's little boy can't grow up!!!  Stay here with Mommy!!! I'll protect you from those wretched little whores!!! They only want to hurt you!!!


Mother... Mildly NSFW lyrics.

/Thought that was appropriate.
 
2014-01-31 10:07:59 AM

kvinesknows: (Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.)

what a fugging biatch.

Is the boy adopted? because I seriously wonder if she has ever allowed herself to be farked.

also... seriously... they actually bothered to talk to him about it?  WTF is wrong with that biatch? throw it out because its crap.  And take a quick wif lady.. are your loins on fire?  no?  in fact you are repulsed?  yeah...  think about that for a moment


So you only clean your bathroom?  Is that a Canadian thing?

Women are far dirtier in bathrooms than men.
 
jbc [TotalFark]
2014-01-31 10:08:02 AM
I don't think the teachers are that picky these days.
 
2014-01-31 10:08:09 AM

Somacandra: It promotes douchebaggery, not sex. The sexual imagery is just the route to douchebaggery. A decent body wash with a loofah will be fine. If the kid wants to get laid, he'll discover patchouli oil soon enough.


Patchouli makes me think of a hippie girl, not a guy.

Advice which is worth exactly what you paid for it follows ...
Bathe with this - (Lemon & Verbena):
ecx.images-amazon.com
And, for when you get older - (spicy and dry):

Make sure you use this - (Unscented)
ecx.images-amazon.com
And this:
www.dentist.net
Avoid cigarettes and too much caffeine.
Now, go on your way my son.  The rest is up to you.
 
2014-01-31 10:08:33 AM
When he is older he can decide if he wants to use Axe.

Haha, good one. Like you'll ever let him make his own decisions! "Not under my roof, little mister!"
 
2014-01-31 10:08:47 AM
FTFA: (Before you ask, my husband and son have their own bathroom. I have my own bathroom, too. It's the clean one.)

Calling bullshiat on this one too. EVERY single woman's bathroom (except my wife, bless her) I've ever been in is a fetid swamp of hair, products and insecurity. They are never cleaner than mine.
 
2014-01-31 10:08:55 AM
Kris Hey

i171.photobucket.com
 
2014-01-31 10:08:58 AM
This is again a case of bored housewife syndrome. "I need some fodder for my blog, so I'm going to go on a rampage against a shower gel to prove to other bored housewives I'm a better mom and more intelligent." Lady, talk to your son about sex. The age for a first encounter has dropped to 13. He is two years away from boinking some girl behind the school shed. Now is not the time to cling onto your baby boy and force him back to his spongebob bath products. Let him have the damn nasty shower gel. Then have some real discussions about sex and the good choices you will hope he makes like using condoms. Or you know continue to infantize him refusing to let him grow up in your mind and see how that works for you.
 
2014-01-31 10:09:14 AM
Well the 2nd unfetchable was Halston Z-14 - a classic scent pour homme.
 
2014-01-31 10:09:28 AM

Angry Drunk Bureaucrat: HotWingConspiracy: It's like a weaponized Ed Hardy shirt.

Apropos of nothing, this makes me wonder if you could rig up a version of the office cubicle hand grenade (febreze can zip-tied) with a can of axe. Go into a hipster bar, yell "FIRE IN THE HOLE", and toss it.


Yes, Axe can and duct tape. We used to toss those over the shower curtain when various roommates were showering. Only good use for the stuff.
 
2014-01-31 10:10:08 AM
Get that kid some irish spring!
 
2014-01-31 10:10:14 AM

syberpud: apoptotic: Yeah, this doesn't sound like a completely concocted scenario at all.

And in no way is this a "viral" marketing campaign by the makers of Axe.  No siree.


Prudish moms hate this sexy contraband!
 
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