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(Foodbeast)   Cap'n Crunch's Sprinkled Donut Crunch Cereal. A million diets cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced   (foodbeast.com) divider line 75
    More: Obvious, Cap'n Crunch, Donut Crunch, Froot Loops, oats, sprinkles, donuts  
•       •       •

6088 clicks; posted to Main » on 30 Jan 2014 at 3:06 AM (32 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



75 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-01-29 11:39:04 PM
I got fat just reading that headline.
 
2014-01-29 11:41:46 PM
Send in 5 proof of purchases and receive a free insulin syringe
 
2014-01-30 12:00:02 AM
The roof!
The roof!
The roof of your mouth is going to experience a level of pain hitherto unknown by man.
 
2014-01-30 12:31:18 AM
 
2014-01-30 12:41:16 AM
If I can use coffee instead of milk it'll be worth it.
 
2014-01-30 01:00:30 AM
This is why I live in America. Good luck finding this cereal in France...
 
2014-01-30 01:00:45 AM

GreenAdder: The roof!
The roof!
The roof of your mouth is going to experience a level of pain hitherto unknown by man.


This.  That stuff will flense your soft palate.
 
2014-01-30 01:12:02 AM

God Is My Co-Pirate: GreenAdder: The roof!
The roof!
The roof of your mouth is going to experience a level of pain hitherto unknown by man.

This.  That stuff will flense your soft palate.


Whenever someone from work got a mixed dozen from Voodoo Doughnuts, the Cap'n Crunchberry Donut was always the last one left in the box for that very reason.
 
2014-01-30 01:16:45 AM

Sgt Otter: God Is My Co-Pirate: GreenAdder: The roof!
The roof!
The roof of your mouth is going to experience a level of pain hitherto unknown by man.

This.  That stuff will flense your soft palate.

Whenever someone from work got a mixed dozen from Voodoo Doughnuts, the Cap'n Crunchberry Donut was always the last one left in the box for that very reason.


Weird; that's one of the main reasons I like Cap'n Crunch. It's like a loofah* for your mouth!

/pumice stone?
 
2014-01-30 01:41:54 AM

ArcadianRefugee: Sgt Otter: God Is My Co-Pirate: GreenAdder: The roof!
The roof!
The roof of your mouth is going to experience a level of pain hitherto unknown by man.

This.  That stuff will flense your soft palate.

Whenever someone from work got a mixed dozen from Voodoo Doughnuts, the Cap'n Crunchberry Donut was always the last one left in the box for that very reason.

Weird; that's one of the main reasons I like Cap'n Crunch. It's like a loofah* for your mouth!

/pumice stone?


If you have callouses in your mouth there are bigger problems going on than which breakfast cereal to eat.
 
2014-01-30 02:34:22 AM
I'd sprinkle on the author's donut, IYKWIM.
 
2014-01-30 03:10:12 AM
Yet everyone blames fast food for making people fat. You want to know why america has an obesity problem, look no further than crap like this and your local grocery store.
 
2014-01-30 03:14:42 AM
Little Chocolate donuts, they've been on my training table since I was a kid.
 
2014-01-30 03:17:35 AM
I can't see how something can be "donut flavored". Donuts are nothing but sugar, fat and starch.

namatad: http://calvinandhobbes.wikia.com/wiki/Chocolate_Frosted_Sugar_Bombs
or GTFO


You apparently have not seen the boxes of Chocolate Krave at the supermarket.
 
2014-01-30 03:23:19 AM
3.bp.blogspot.com
But how will they taste in a sandwich with a pixie stick dumped on them..and a Coke...
 
2014-01-30 03:26:41 AM
Voodoo donuts asks, and?
 
2014-01-30 03:55:06 AM
In addition to the damage to the roof of your mouth, if you eat a 1/2 box of Capt Crunch All Crunchberries, then sleep and forget about it, when you go to the bathroom the next day, you WILL freak out.
Multi colored everything.
Never ate Capt Crunch again.
Scary all chemicals.
 
2014-01-30 03:59:22 AM
GreenAdder:
The roof!
The roof!
The roof of your mouth is going to experience a level of pain hitherto unknown by man.


I checked the Capn's crunchy nutrition label but found no mention of fiberglass leavings or diamond shards.  And yet I still lose a quart of blood with every bowl and still see a beam of light on my tongue when I stick a flashlight up my nose due to the hole this cereal bored through the roof of my mouth.

/totallyworthit.jpg
 
2014-01-30 04:01:41 AM
Screw that, when are they going to bring back Cinnamon Crunch?
 
2014-01-30 04:01:47 AM
This thread needs link to cap'n putting out a hit.
 
2014-01-30 04:07:10 AM
Is someone dating Charisma Madarang?  Fark sure seems to like her articles.
 
2014-01-30 04:32:53 AM
namatad:   http://calvinandhobbes.wikia.com/wiki/Chocolate_Frosted_Sugar_Bombs  or GTFO

Now read it in Walter Cronkite's voice:

"Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs contain concentrated amounts of sugar.  Hobbes compared a serving of the cereal to eating a bowl of Milk Duds."

/sweet.jpg
 
2014-01-30 04:36:00 AM
This company takes their captain crunch seriously

http://www.foodbeast.com/2013/06/14/today-i-learned-captain-crunch-i s- a-liar-and-a-fraud/

Always my favorite
3.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-01-30 04:40:58 AM
i.imgur.com
 
2014-01-30 04:44:13 AM
I remember there was a powdered donuts cereal back in the 80's, can't remember the name.
 
2014-01-30 04:46:50 AM
i849.photobucket.com

Mmmm...donuts!!!
 
2014-01-30 04:47:19 AM

ongbok: I remember there was a powdered donuts cereal back in the 80's, can't remember the name.


farm7.static.flickr.com
 
2014-01-30 04:58:57 AM
I've got the 'beetus just looking at that box of cereal.
 
2014-01-30 05:03:06 AM

robohobo: ongbok: I remember there was a powdered donuts cereal back in the 80's, can't remember the name.

[farm7.static.flickr.com image 375x500]


Yeah that's the stuff. Talk about something that will get you going in the morning.
 
2014-01-30 05:05:10 AM

God Is My Co-Pirate: flense

: To strip the blubber or skin from (a whale, for example).

There's my word-of-the-day today.
 
2014-01-30 05:09:58 AM

ongbok: robohobo: ongbok: I remember there was a powdered donuts cereal back in the 80's, can't remember the name.

[farm7.static.flickr.com image 375x500]

Yeah that's the stuff. Talk about something that will get you going in the morning.


I remember eating it, but not what it tasted like. I suspect I would still like it, if my Seinfeld-esque cereal shelf could attest.
 
2014-01-30 05:15:05 AM

ArcadianRefugee: Sgt Otter: God Is My Co-Pirate: GreenAdder: The roof!
The roof!
The roof of your mouth is going to experience a level of pain hitherto unknown by man.

This.  That stuff will flense your soft palate.

Whenever someone from work got a mixed dozen from Voodoo Doughnuts, the Cap'n Crunchberry Donut was always the last one left in the box for that very reason.

Weird; that's one of the main reasons I like Cap'n Crunch. It's like a loofah* for your mouth!

/pumice stone?


Falafel, not loofah. Damnit.
 
2014-01-30 05:34:03 AM
Only worth it if the sprinkles resonate at 2600Hz.
 
2014-01-30 05:35:40 AM
I can accept that cereal can have a Cap'n that valiantly fights against an anthropomorphised quality of said cereal, but I'll be dead in the cold cold ground before I accept donuts being crunchy. NO BUYS.
 
2014-01-30 05:36:51 AM
Having had a box of these already (and likely to buy more- living dangerously with simple carbohydrates!), they're pretty much these in an O-shape:
img.fark.net
Not that that's a bad thing, mind.
 
2014-01-30 05:44:13 AM
It's times like this I'm glad I picked dentistry as a career.
 
2014-01-30 05:48:15 AM

DubyaHater: It's times like this I'm glad I picked dentistry as a career.


And I bet it's the times when you get somebody in your chair who's breath smells like they have been eating shiat all day that you hate that you picked dentistry as a career.
 
2014-01-30 05:48:27 AM
I remember a second cousin of mine getting me to try his chocolate Malt-O-Meal.. with about 2 cups of sugar mixed into one bowl.  It was like chocolate flavored concrete.  I sure couldn't finish it.
 
2014-01-30 05:48:36 AM
This thread has urged me to eat a giant bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and in pouring my bowl(and packing my bowl) I took inventory of my cereal shelf, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Honey-Nut Cheerios, Marshmallow Mateys(bag version on Lucky Charms), Cocoa Krispies, Super Golden Crisp(yeah yeah, I know it's not called that any more) Frosted Flakes, Special K,, and lastly a box of Golden Grahams(how DO they cram all that Graham?*). I like cereal.


*one gram at a time
 
2014-01-30 06:02:22 AM

ReapTheChaos: Yet everyone blames fast food for making people fat. You want to know why america has an obesity problem, look no further than crap like this and your local grocery store.


No it isn't.  Overindulgence is.  I looked up the nutritional info.  If you ate 2 servings at once, it is only about 220 calories.  Add a cup of milk, you get about 350.  And that's with whole milk.  350 calories doesn't seem like a terrible breakfast.  An egg mcmuffin has 300 calories, not counting the hash browns.  The problem is people eating half a box at once, every day.
 
2014-01-30 06:20:59 AM
My mom was a bit progressive for a mom in the 70s. She barred all sugared cereals from the house. She convinced other moms to follow suit. The kids in the neighborhood hated her for a while.

When I attended college, the dorm's cafeteria stocked a cereal I had never seen before: Captain Crunch. Good God.

Oh to return to those days, return to a cold autumn morning with a blood-orange sun sparkling through a stand of old oak trees, walking quietly to class, thinking about Milton's fields and Spinoza's God-space, absolutely positvely jacked out of my crackling mind on coffee and Captain Crunch.
 
2014-01-30 06:30:57 AM

August11: My mom was a bit progressive for a mom in the 70s. She barred all sugared cereals from the house. She convinced other moms to follow suit. The kids in the neighborhood hated her for a while.

When I attended college, the dorm's cafeteria stocked a cereal I had never seen before: Captain Crunch. Good God.

Oh to return to those days, return to a cold autumn morning with a blood-orange sun sparkling through a stand of old oak trees, walking quietly to class, thinking about Milton's fields and Spinoza's God-space, absolutely positvely jacked out of my crackling mind on coffee and Captain Crunch.


No cereals allowed with sugar as the first ingredient at my house.

But I think it was Lucky Charms that I went nuts on as a college freshman.
 
2014-01-30 06:33:14 AM
Many pancreases died to bring us this part of a balanced breakfast.
 
2014-01-30 06:37:45 AM

August11: My mom was a bit progressive for a mom in the 70s. She barred all sugared cereals from the house. She convinced other moms to follow suit. The kids in the neighborhood hated her for a while.

When I attended college, the dorm's cafeteria stocked a cereal I had never seen before: Captain Crunch. Good God.

Oh to return to those days, return to a cold autumn morning with a blood-orange sun sparkling through a stand of old oak trees, walking quietly to class, thinking about Milton's fields and Spinoza's God-space, absolutely positvely jacked out of my crackling mind on coffee and Captain Crunch.


Mmm, grad school...those sweet halcyon days of popping a couple Vivodin before getting blasted out of my head with triple espressos and an anti-anxiety pill.

Sure I was a little jittery, but by three in the afternoon I was finally coming down and ready for a tub of Frostred Flakes..and two sandwiches...and a swimming pool of gumbo... (I had the munchies is what I'm getting at.)
 
2014-01-30 07:07:24 AM
borgdotcom.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-01-30 07:07:46 AM
"I wonder if I can get some nice round donuts, the ones with the hole in the middle."


http://youtu.be/RKLhcst-C6A
 
2014-01-30 07:12:24 AM

devildog123: ReapTheChaos: Yet everyone blames fast food for making people fat. You want to know why america has an obesity problem, look no further than crap like this and your local grocery store.

No it isn't.  Overindulgence is.  I looked up the nutritional info.  If you ate 2 servings at once, it is only about 220 calories.  Add a cup of milk, you get about 350.  And that's with whole milk.  350 calories doesn't seem like a terrible breakfast.  An egg mcmuffin has 300 calories, not counting the hash browns.  The problem is people eating half a box at once, every day.


I disagree with you to an extent. Calories are good in the sense that they can be used to quantify the energy density of any given food.  However, the notion that one must count calories or take in less than one expends goes against everything that is known about biochemistry. Your body doesn't see food simply as calories. It sees it as the various macronutrients which make up the food you consume: namely sugar, fat, and protein. Your body metabolizes those three components in completely different ways.

If I were to eat a quarter pound worth of bacon, that would be on the order of around 800 calories, equivalent (by your reasoning) to eating 7-8 servings (~6 cups) of this particular cereal. But look at just one huge difference in the composition of that food: with the cereal I would be consuming around 160g of carbohydrates. With the bacon, zero. You think that the body is processing these two foods exactly the same, just because they have identical caloric content? That quarter pound of bacon won't even register with regard to insulin secretion, whereas the cereal will cause your pancreas to go into overdrive.

Additionally, being meat, the bacon will provide you with around 20g of protein, keeping your hunger levels down. The cereal, almost zero. After succumbing to the inevitable sugar crash, you'll be hungry again in no time.

And that's part of the real problem - we consume way too much sugar in everything that we eat. It's in everything available to us in the grocery store. Our bodies did not evolve in the presence of such unprecedented access to carbohydrates. Our genes have developed over time to efficiently utilize the proteins, fats, oils, and carbohydrates found in fruits/vegetables (and their associated high fiber contents, which prevent overconsumption).

So yes, you are right that overindulgence is part of the obesity problem. However, it is not overindulgence of calories. It is overindulgence of carbohydrate-rich foods. Isocaloric does not equal isometabolic.
 
2014-01-30 07:51:03 AM

ertznay: Screw that, when are they going to bring back Cinnamon Crunch?


img.fark.net

Yes, yes, a thousand times, YES.
 
2014-01-30 07:56:58 AM

rjsjayhawk: devildog123: ReapTheChaos: Yet everyone blames fast food for making people fat. You want to know why america has an obesity problem, look no further than crap like this and your local grocery store.

No it isn't.  Overindulgence is.  I looked up the nutritional info.  If you ate 2 servings at once, it is only about 220 calories.  Add a cup of milk, you get about 350.  And that's with whole milk.  350 calories doesn't seem like a terrible breakfast.  An egg mcmuffin has 300 calories, not counting the hash browns.  The problem is people eating half a box at once, every day.

I disagree with you to an extent. Calories are good in the sense that they can be used to quantify the energy density of any given food.  However, the notion that one must count calories or take in less than one expends goes against everything that is known about biochemistry. Your body doesn't see food simply as calories. It sees it as the various macronutrients which make up the food you consume: namely sugar, fat, and protein. Your body metabolizes those three components in completely different ways.

If I were to eat a quarter pound worth of bacon, that would be on the order of around 800 calories, equivalent (by your reasoning) to eating 7-8 servings (~6 cups) of this particular cereal. But look at just one huge difference in the composition of that food: with the cereal I would be consuming around 160g of carbohydrates. With the bacon, zero. You think that the body is processing these two foods exactly the same, just because they have identical caloric content? That quarter pound of bacon won't even register with regard to insulin secretion, whereas the cereal will cause your pancreas to go into overdrive.

Additionally, being meat, the bacon will provide you with around 20g of protein, keeping your hunger levels down. The cereal, almost zero. After succumbing to the inevitable sugar crash, you'll be hungry again in no time.

And that's part of the real problem - we consume way too much sugar in everything that we eat. It's in everything available to us in the grocery store. Our bodies did not evolve in the presence of such unprecedented access to carbohydrates. Our genes have developed over time to efficiently utilize the proteins, fats, oils, and carbohydrates found in fruits/vegetables (and their associated high fiber contents, which prevent overconsumption).

So yes, you are right that overindulgence is part of the obesity problem. However, it is not overindulgence of calories. It is overindulgence of carbohydrate-rich foods. Isocaloric does not equal isometabolic.


So all-bacon diet is what you're saying, Dr. Atkins?

imokwiththis.jpg
 
2014-01-30 08:01:33 AM
jp8.r0tt.com

/British Smarties, which are more like M&Ms.
//pic is hot
///Slashies cereal?
 
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