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(ZDNet)   Cool: Cortana is coming to Microsoft devices, beat the crap out of Siri. FAIL: It's Microsoft, so the bugs should be worked out by the time the Spartans actually exist   (zdnet.com) divider line 56
    More: Cool, Microsoft, Cortana, Microsoft Bing, bugs, Ballmer, Windows Phones  
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1903 clicks; posted to Geek » on 29 Jan 2014 at 9:19 AM (39 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-01-29 04:45:37 AM  
Hey, Microsoft - I had one of those years agoupload.wikimedia.org
 
2014-01-29 07:13:29 AM  
Great. I look forward to our misogynistic holo-tittied helpers of the future.
 
2014-01-29 09:45:31 AM  
I have no desire to own a smartphone that, at any time, may undergo Rampancy.
 
2014-01-29 09:46:06 AM  
If google is somehow able to license GLaDOS, I would be a happy man.
 
2014-01-29 09:58:06 AM  

gnosis301: Great. I look forward to our misogynistic holo-tittied helpers of the future.


Cortana is misogynistic now?
 
2014-01-29 10:00:00 AM  

Egoy3k: gnosis301: Great. I look forward to our misogynistic holo-tittied helpers of the future.

Cortana is misogynistic now?


If you dress slutty, you're part of the problem.

/I bet the patriarchy did this!
 
2014-01-29 10:24:58 AM  

Dimensio: I have no desire to own a smartphone that, at any time, may undergo Rampancy.


MS supported XP for nearly a decade, and they don't want to do that again.  You'll have to destroy your devices after seven.

// I'd buy this just because "Cortana, find me a Mexican restaurant" is far cooler than "OK Glass..."
 
2014-01-29 10:24:59 AM  

Dimensio: I have no desire to own a smartphone that, at any time, may undergo Rampancy.


But, but, but, Durandal is your FRIEND.
 
2014-01-29 10:32:17 AM  
"THIS. IS. MICROSOOOOOOOOFT!"
*Promptly slips, hits head, and falls into pit*
 
2014-01-29 10:32:55 AM  

TheotherMIguy: Dimensio: I have no desire to own a smartphone that, at any time, may undergo Rampancy.

But, but, but, Durandal is your FRIEND.


fark Durandal, he always was a bit of a ghey AI...Take your chances with Tycho.
 
2014-01-29 10:40:41 AM  

legion_of_doo: Egoy3k: gnosis301: Great. I look forward to our misogynistic holo-tittied helpers of the future.

Cortana is misogynistic now?

If you dress slutty, you're part of the problem.

/I bet the patriarchy did this!


As much as I loathe the patriarchy and 'everything is a misogynistism!!' Stance lately, you really don't think having a naked, large breasted, AI constantly popping up is misogynistic?

What if it was a naked dude, with large junk? Constantly whispering in your ear, etc?
 
2014-01-29 10:43:50 AM  
i'm going to point out that they hadn't worked the bugs out of AI in the halo world: they had a tendency to go insane after a few years of operation.

probably a paging file overflow or something.

//you'd think they would keep the ol' 'reboot it to fix it' trick.
 
2014-01-29 10:56:21 AM  

kroonermanblack: legion_of_doo: Egoy3k: gnosis301: Great. I look forward to our misogynistic holo-tittied helpers of the future.

Cortana is misogynistic now?

If you dress slutty, you're part of the problem.

/I bet the patriarchy did this!

As much as I loathe the patriarchy and 'everything is a misogynistism!!' Stance lately, you really don't think having a naked, large breasted, AI constantly popping up is misogynistic?

What if it was a naked dude, with large junk? Constantly whispering in your ear, etc?



If he is naked, where is he going to keep his wallet?
 
2014-01-29 10:57:49 AM  

moel: TheotherMIguy: Dimensio: I have no desire to own a smartphone that, at any time, may undergo Rampancy.

But, but, but, Durandal is your FRIEND.

fark Durandal, he always was a bit of a ghey AI...Take your chances with Tycho.


Hmm, do I go with the manipulative sociopath with a God complex or the homicidal maniac? Tough call.
 
2014-01-29 11:05:40 AM  

Chabash: If google is somehow able to license GLaDOS, I would be a happy man.


Damn you. Ya beat me to it.
 
2014-01-29 11:14:17 AM  

kroonermanblack: legion_of_doo: Egoy3k: gnosis301: Great. I look forward to our misogynistic holo-tittied helpers of the future.

Cortana is misogynistic now?

If you dress slutty, you're part of the problem.

/I bet the patriarchy did this!

As much as I loathe the patriarchy and 'everything is a misogynistism!!' Stance lately, you really don't think having a naked, large breasted, AI constantly popping up is misogynistic?

What if it was a naked dude, with large junk? Constantly whispering in your ear, etc?


She's not naked because she doesn't have a body. She is made out of blue light.  Her breasts are larger in each iteration because she only lives for like 7 years or something they are showing a progression from young adult to mature woman.  I'm not a huge fan of Halo but it's pretty damn obvious what they are going for.
 
2014-01-29 11:17:38 AM  
So they gave the paperclip a voice?
 
2014-01-29 11:18:15 AM  

Egoy3k: She's not naked because she doesn't have a body. She is made out of blue light.  Her breasts are larger in each iteration because she only lives for like 7 years or something they are showing a progression from young adult to mature woman.


Being a mature woman means knowing your place and getting huge titties?

I'm not a huge fan of Halo but it's pretty damn obvious what they are going for.

Male gamers' penises.
 
2014-01-29 11:35:02 AM  
Cortana is going to be US only, just like Bing is right now.

I've been a supporter of Windows Phone since 2010 when it launched. I'm on my second device, and while I still love the platform and the UI and the smoothness of it all, I'm going iPhone next time. I just can't take the lack of apps. No banking apps, no Sirius app, nothing.

As a Canadian, it was sh*tty enough of them to make their full Bing services US only. But whatever, it wasn't too bad to do without that. But now with Cortana not coming here, and the app thing that I just can't take anymore.

Good luck, windows phone team. You're gonna need it. And that's coming from someone who was one of the biggest supporters.
 
2014-01-29 11:38:37 AM  

Egoy3k: kroonermanblack: legion_of_doo: Egoy3k: gnosis301: Great. I look forward to our misogynistic holo-tittied helpers of the future.

Cortana is misogynistic now?

If you dress slutty, you're part of the problem.

/I bet the patriarchy did this!

As much as I loathe the patriarchy and 'everything is a misogynistism!!' Stance lately, you really don't think having a naked, large breasted, AI constantly popping up is misogynistic?

What if it was a naked dude, with large junk? Constantly whispering in your ear, etc?

She's not naked because she doesn't have a body. She is made out of blue light.  Her breasts are larger in each iteration because she only lives for like 7 years or something they are showing a progression from young adult to mature woman.  I'm not a huge fan of Halo but it's pretty damn obvious what they are going for.


Wait, Cortana was supposed to live? And grow? I thought she was basically the brain of some dead scientist ported into an AI.
 
2014-01-29 11:45:25 AM  

kroonermanblack: you really don't think having a naked, large breasted, AI constantly popping up is misogynistic?


If that's what the AI wants to appear like, who are you to deny her choice?

Repressing sexuality is a favorite tool of patriarchy.
 
2014-01-29 11:49:07 AM  

Superjew: If that's what the AI wants to appear like, who are you to deny her choice?


But Cortana is not really an AI.  Cortana is a fictional character whose appearance was 100% designed by someone else for reasons.
 
2014-01-29 11:57:15 AM  
the problem with siri/the paperclip/etc. is that they're only useful if the interface just sucks already or you're searching through gigantic amounts of data
 
2014-01-29 12:10:14 PM  

gnosis301: Egoy3k: She's not naked because she doesn't have a body. She is made out of blue light.  Her breasts are larger in each iteration because she only lives for like 7 years or something they are showing a progression from young adult to mature woman.

Being a mature woman means knowing your place and getting huge titties?


They aren't huge, and her hips got wider too.  There are a million other examples of misogyny in games that make a much better point than this one.

I'm not a huge fan of Halo but it's pretty damn obvious what they are going for.

Male gamers' penises.


Yeah a bunch of men went about bought Halo because of cortana's curves.  You know because that's all men think about and they are all easily manipulated. Sexist.

Arkanaut: Wait, Cortana was supposed to live? And grow? I thought she was basically the brain of some dead scientist ported into an AI.


If you didn't play the games then why are you commenting about the content of the games?
 
2014-01-29 12:11:49 PM  

Egoy3k: Yeah a bunch of men went about bought Halo because of cortana's curves.


Nope.  Men went through Halo to shoot aliens.  Cortana was a bosomous bonus.
 
2014-01-29 12:14:10 PM  

gnosis301: Egoy3k: Yeah a bunch of men went about bought Halo because of cortana's curves.

Nope.  Men went through Halo to shoot aliens.  Cortana was a bosomous bonus.


Why are you obsessed about the size of the virtual glands on a virtual character in a virtual world?
 
2014-01-29 12:21:03 PM  

Egoy3k: Why are you obsessed about the size of the virtual glands on a virtual character in a virtual world?


Because it's how we depict people that matters.
 
2014-01-29 12:22:22 PM  

Egoy3k: gnosis301: Egoy3k: Yeah a bunch of men went about bought Halo because of cortana's curves.

Nope.  Men went through Halo to shoot aliens.  Cortana was a bosomous bonus.

Why are you obsessed about the size of the virtual glands on a virtual character in a virtual world?


Because they are glands on characters in worlds, and we aren't picky on the details beyond that.
 
2014-01-29 12:23:03 PM  

Egoy3k: Arkanaut: Wait, Cortana was supposed to live? And grow? I thought she was basically the brain of some dead scientist ported into an AI.

If you didn't play the games then why are you commenting about the content of the games?


I played through the first three games.  I may not remember all the backstory but I did have an interest.
 
2014-01-29 12:26:41 PM  

AdamK: the problem with siri/the paperclip/etc. is that they're only useful if the interface just sucks already or you're searching through gigantic amounts of data


Not necessarily.  One of the problems with modern smartphones is that constantly looking down at your phone to do anything can cause neck strain.  Being able to control a smartphone using only your voice, without having to look at it, could significantly reduce that problem.

Of course, knowing Microsoft, this thing is just going to be a talking Clippy with boobs.
 
2014-01-29 12:28:04 PM  
No matter how long you play Halo you never get to see her rockin' bewbz...
 
2014-01-29 12:32:12 PM  
Honestly, how many of you actually use Siri or related voice applications frequently after the novelty wore off during the first week?
 
2014-01-29 12:52:40 PM  

Dragonflew: Honestly, how many of you actually use Siri or related voice applications frequently after the novelty wore off during the first week?


It's really useful if you use your phone as a GPS.  Sometimes if I'm driving home from a relatively unfamiliar area, it's very nice to be able to put my Moto X in a dashboard dock and be able to just say "OK Google Now, navigate home."

Although to be fair, I think the Moto X is one of only a few smartphones on the market today that can be activated entirely by voice even when the screen is off.  Most phones require you to press at least one button before they will accept voice commands.
 
2014-01-29 01:09:10 PM  

gnosis301: Superjew: If that's what the AI wants to appear like, who are you to deny her choice?

But Cortana is not really an AI.  Cortana is a fictional character whose appearance was 100% designed by someone else for reasons.


Well if those "reasons" were to get up your ass, I'd say they were 100% successful.
 
2014-01-29 01:17:59 PM  

Superjew: Well if those "reasons" were to get up your ass, I'd say they were 100% successful.


Not really, but I do understand why some people would have problems with it.
 
2014-01-29 01:20:38 PM  

Superjew: gnosis301: Superjew: If that's what the AI wants to appear like, who are you to deny her choice?

But Cortana is not really an AI.  Cortana is a fictional character whose appearance was 100% designed by someone else for reasons.

Well if those "reasons" were to get up your ass, I'd say they were 100% successful.


Ok, let's step back then. The character is designed as she is for a reason. Ignoring progressive graphics ability, why, other than male attention, would she be a very top heavy naked woman?

Why not a clothed woman? Or one without overtly sexual aspect like huge hips, narrow waist, and large breasts? She could have had a waifish figure.
 
2014-01-29 01:28:50 PM  

Dimensio: I have no desire to own a smartphone that, at any time, may undergo Rampancy.

Arkanaut: Wait, Cortana was supposed to live? And grow? I thought she was basically the brain of some dead scientist ported into an AI.


They have a "lifespan" of 7 years, which can be decreased by the amount of information they gather, but temporarily delayed via memory dumps.In the Halo universe, she is an AI, probably the most advanced one since she was created from a blueprint memory left from the Forerunners and from a clone of Dr. Halsey's brain.

/why yes, I've listened to all the books, most of them pretty good
//almost done with the Kilo-5 trilogy
///highly recommend the Forerunner trilogy and the Kilo-5 trilogy on Audible. Good narrators.
 
2014-01-29 02:06:22 PM  

kroonermanblack: Superjew: gnosis301: Superjew: If that's what the AI wants to appear like, who are you to deny her choice?

But Cortana is not really an AI.  Cortana is a fictional character whose appearance was 100% designed by someone else for reasons.

Well if those "reasons" were to get up your ass, I'd say they were 100% successful.

Ok, let's step back then. The character is designed as she is for a reason. Ignoring progressive graphics ability, why, other than male attention, would she be a very top heavy naked woman?

Why not a clothed woman? Or one without overtly sexual aspect like huge hips, narrow waist, and large breasts? She could have had a waifish figure.


What if I told you that all of those choices were on the list and they flipped a coin.  Would that make it OK?
 
2014-01-29 02:31:00 PM  

Dimensio: I have no desire to own a smartphone that, at any time, may undergo Rampancy.


If Microsoft could make a full feature smart phone that lasts seven years before going obsolete or breaking, I would give Bill Gates a bear hug and an open mouth kiss.

/There might be tongue.
 
2014-01-29 02:34:25 PM  

Superjew: kroonermanblack: you really don't think having a naked, large breasted, AI constantly popping up is misogynistic?

If that's what the AI wants to appear like, who are you to deny her choice?

Repressing sexuality is a favorite tool of patriarchy.


"Well, if... Mala, l... Lieutenant Stanton... Your logic is tricky, difficult to compute." Scene clip here.


 img.fark.net
 
2014-01-29 02:35:14 PM  

gnosis301: Superjew: Well if those "reasons" were to get up your ass, I'd say they were 100% successful.

Not really, but I do understand why some people would have problems with it.



"Some people have problems with it" isn't much of a reason for anything.
 
2014-01-29 02:35:55 PM  
It will not be fixed before it's end of life. Like Windows XP.
But you can pay for it multiple times, that's OK....
 
2014-01-29 02:40:36 PM  

Superjew: What if I told you that all of those choices were on the list and they flipped a coin.  Would that make it OK?


No, because you're pulling that out of your ass.  Nobody designs the appearance major character of a mass market game using coin flips.
 
2014-01-29 03:07:41 PM  

kroonermanblack: Ok, let's step back then. The character is designed as she is for a reason. Ignoring progressive graphics ability, why, other than male attention, would she be a very top heavy naked woman?

Why not a clothed woman? Or one without overtly sexual aspect like huge hips, narrow waist, and large breasts? She could have had a waifish figure.


Heck, why does she need a figure at all?  Why couldn't she have appeared as a floating head?  AIs don't need hands.
 
2014-01-29 03:15:36 PM  

Olympic Trolling Judge: Why couldn't she have appeared as a floating head?



You read Schlock Mercenary too?
 
2014-01-29 03:16:16 PM  

Superjew: kroonermanblack: Superjew: gnosis301: Superjew: If that's what the AI wants to appear like, who are you to deny her choice?

But Cortana is not really an AI.  Cortana is a fictional character whose appearance was 100% designed by someone else for reasons.

Well if those "reasons" were to get up your ass, I'd say they were 100% successful.

Ok, let's step back then. The character is designed as she is for a reason. Ignoring progressive graphics ability, why, other than male attention, would she be a very top heavy naked woman?

Why not a clothed woman? Or one without overtly sexual aspect like huge hips, narrow waist, and large breasts? She could have had a waifish figure.

What if I told you that all of those choices were on the list and they flipped a coin.  Would that make it OK?


I'd say you're full of shiat. The characters were designed specifically for a reason. They weren't really left to the artists imagination, and they presumably went through intensive marketing.

/which shockingly showed men like huge tits, narrow waists, and wide hips.
 
2014-01-29 03:32:03 PM  

anfrind: AdamK: the problem with siri/the paperclip/etc. is that they're only useful if the interface just sucks already or you're searching through gigantic amounts of data

Not necessarily.  One of the problems with modern smartphones is that constantly looking down at your phone to do anything can cause neck strain.  Being able to control a smartphone using only your voice, without having to look at it, could significantly reduce that problem.

Of course, knowing Microsoft, this thing is just going to be a talking Clippy with boobs.


Also, using a wheelchair means our hands are somewhat occupied...
 
2014-01-29 04:29:20 PM  

kroonermanblack: Superjew: kroonermanblack: Superjew: gnosis301: Superjew: If that's what the AI wants to appear like, who are you to deny her choice?

But Cortana is not really an AI.  Cortana is a fictional character whose appearance was 100% designed by someone else for reasons.

Well if those "reasons" were to get up your ass, I'd say they were 100% successful.

Ok, let's step back then. The character is designed as she is for a reason. Ignoring progressive graphics ability, why, other than male attention, would she be a very top heavy naked woman?

Why not a clothed woman? Or one without overtly sexual aspect like huge hips, narrow waist, and large breasts? She could have had a waifish figure.

What if I told you that all of those choices were on the list and they flipped a coin.  Would that make it OK?

I'd say you're full of shiat. The characters were designed specifically for a reason. They weren't really left to the artists imagination, and they presumably went through intensive marketing.

/which shockingly showed men like huge tits, narrow waists, and wide hips.


For somebody with nothing up his ass, you're sure acting like somebody with a whole lot of something up his ass.

I was positing a hypothetical, not asserting a fact.  Get over yourself.
 
2014-01-29 05:57:02 PM  

Superjew: kroonermanblack: Superjew: kroonermanblack: Superjew: gnosis301: Superjew: If that's what the AI wants to appear like, who are you to deny her choice?

But Cortana is not really an AI.  Cortana is a fictional character whose appearance was 100% designed by someone else for reasons.

Well if those "reasons" were to get up your ass, I'd say they were 100% successful.

Ok, let's step back then. The character is designed as she is for a reason. Ignoring progressive graphics ability, why, other than male attention, would she be a very top heavy naked woman?

Why not a clothed woman? Or one without overtly sexual aspect like huge hips, narrow waist, and large breasts? She could have had a waifish figure.

What if I told you that all of those choices were on the list and they flipped a coin.  Would that make it OK?

I'd say you're full of shiat. The characters were designed specifically for a reason. They weren't really left to the artists imagination, and they presumably went through intensive marketing.

/which shockingly showed men like huge tits, narrow waists, and wide hips.

For somebody with nothing up his ass, you're sure acting like somebody with a whole lot of something up his ass.

I was positing a hypothetical, not asserting a fact.  Get over yourself.


Get over my ass!
 
2014-01-29 06:02:01 PM  
gnosis301: Get over my ass!

If you're a typical Farker, it might take Edmund Hillary to do that.
 
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