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Kim's a little despot short and stout, Omaha explosion traced to snap count, and the Pope confirms that Al Gore is God: a few of Fark's favorite Headlines of the Week for 1/19 - 1/25 
Posted by Unfreakable at 2014-01-28 3:15:14 PM, edited 2014-01-28 3:18:08 PM (7 comments) | Permalink

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1987 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Jan 2014 at 3:21 PM (33 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Some fun headlines this week. My two personal favorites are the anorexia doll and the little despot. Well done to everybody.
 
 
Headlines Of The Week for Sun 2014-01-19 to Sat 2014-01-25:
 
  Massive sinkhole opens up in Detroit. City officials say the huge gaping vortex of emptiness will have to put up with the sinkhole until they can fix it  
 
  Multiple fatalities in Omaha following explosion, snap count  
 
  Boy trapped in well. Updates via collie to be forthcoming  
 
  Happy Birthday, Roe v. Wade. Okay, let me rephrase that. Today marks the 41st anniversary of the landmark Roe v. Wade decision  
 
  Opera singer sues after botched episiotomy gives her excessive flatulence, leaving her unable to work. This ain't over until the fart lady sings  
 
  Pope confirms that Al Gore is God  
 
  Proving everything at JFK Airport is delayed, five people just got indicted from the 1978 Lufthansa heist  
 
  ♫ And the kid in the back, took an elbow to the sack, And it turned into a school bus blitz. And the girl that was queefing said "Boy you'd best be leaving", And it turned into a school bus blitz. ♫  
 
  Critics say that a doll sold in the UK promotes anorexia. To stop it from crying you just push one of the doll's fingers down its throat  
 
  ♪ I'm a little despot, short and stout | Here is my army, here is my pout | When I want attention, hear me shout | I make the whole world live in doubt ♪  
 
  Natural gas pipeline explosion near Otterburne. Also, Beaverburne, Mooseburne  
 
 
Sports:
 
  Omaha beats New England, heads to Super Bowl  
 
  Nine-year-old to present the game ball at the Super Bowl, try to avoid being eaten by Marshawn Lynch  
 
  Five things you need to know about womens' ski jumping. "The hell's that whistling sound?" inexplicably not among them  
 
 
Geek:
 
  Hybrid dolphin gives scientists window into evolution, gets great gas mileage  
 
  Researchers find the brain mechanism that leads to cocaine addiction. Apparently it's located next to the part of the brain that thinks you have too much money to spend  
 
  Longer lifespan study says humans would have to run a marathon a day to burn as many calories as a similar sized deer. Then again, you would easily run a marathon a day if there was someone always chasing you around with a gun  
 
 
Entertainment:
 
  Jimmy Fallon's first guests as new host of "The Tonight Show" will be Will Smith, U2, and a medium to interview the ghost of Conan O'Brien's career  
 
  George Michael's new album is coming out in March, about 15 years after he did  
 
  TV reporter forgets to turn off his mic in the bathroom, viewers get the streaming audio  
 
 
Politics:
 
  US Republicans plan to kill anti-tax dodging law, saying it will make it legal for the poor as well as the rich to hide millions of dollars in offshore bank accounts  
 
  2014 could be a bad year for the Tea Party, the GOP, Aliens, Predators, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, horse thieves, bull dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, shiat-kickers, and...Methodists  
 
  When you write an op-ed against populist liberals, you get biatch-slapped by Elizabeth Warren. When you get biatch-slapped by Warren, you resign your position in Third Way. When you resign, you run for the governorship. Don't write op-eds  
 
 
Business:
 
  Technology development firm for CitiBike files for bankruptcy, according to company spokes person  
 
  US threatens Nigeria with economic sanctions over country's anti-gay laws. So take a look around your house and find everything you own that was made in Nigeria and try to imagine life without it  
 
  T-mobile to check cashing joints: ┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐  
· · ·
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7 Comments   (+0 »)
   
 
2014-01-28 03:26:28 PM
School bus blitz is the clear HOTY, and it's only January.
 
2014-01-28 03:40:33 PM

gweilo8888: School bus blitz is the clear HOTY, and it's only January.


True, but I also liked the "Otterburne" one.
 
2014-01-28 03:41:56 PM
I tried singing this summary headline 2 1/2 times before giving up and realizing it wasn't intended that way.
 
2014-01-28 03:46:50 PM

Far Cough: I tried singing this summary headline 2 1/2 times before giving up and realizing it wasn't intended that way.


Me too =(
 
2014-01-28 03:49:54 PM

gweilo8888: School bus blitz is the clear HOTY, and it's only January.


That was good, but I actually liked the "streaming audio" more. =^-^=  Then again, I'm always a fan of the double entendres.
 
2014-01-28 05:05:00 PM
Woot! Kim and moderate alcohol ingestion combined to get me a HOTW! Pub, here I come!
 
2014-01-28 05:36:26 PM

gweilo8888: School bus blitz is the clear HOTY, and it's only January.


Dunno.... I had one about a bar fight that told the whole story to that song and it barely made it out of first voting round.

Farkers are fickle.

/not denying the awesomeness of the headline
//just that it's January and these early ones tend to be forgotten by voting time by the voters
 
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