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(The Local)   Parents keep children at home after receiving hoax text messages that elementary schools were to teach "masturbation lessons"   (thelocal.fr) divider line 61
    More: Fail, elementary schools, lessons, Frenchmen  
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4289 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Jan 2014 at 2:49 PM (47 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



61 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-01-28 02:49:59 PM  
French people masturbate?

Wee Wee man, sure.
 
2014-01-28 02:50:33 PM  
Maximum trolling achieved.
 
2014-01-28 02:50:39 PM  
were they doing it wrong?
 
2014-01-28 02:51:47 PM  
I didn't need lessons
 
2014-01-28 02:53:32 PM  
No schooling like home schooling.

If you can't keep it in your pants keep it in the family.
 
2014-01-28 02:53:48 PM  
Kids, I cannot allow the school to teach you such a filthy habit like masturbation.

That's my job.

Let's get started...
 
2014-01-28 02:58:00 PM  

Salmon: I didn't need lessons


Are you sure? I mean, think about it... Maybe you've been jerking off wrong your whole life and you just don't know it.
 
2014-01-28 02:58:58 PM  
That sounds like a job for Ohio state troopers.
 
2014-01-28 03:02:02 PM  

TinyFist: Salmon: I didn't need lessons

Are you sure? I mean, think about it... Maybe you've been jerking off wrong your whole life and you just don't know it.


... I mean yeah maybe.

These are the things that keep me up at night
 
2014-01-28 03:03:12 PM  
"That's right little Samantha. A nice slow circular motion, just like spreading finger paint."

"Ok boys, one of the most important things that you will learn is that you will not always have pornographic images available to you every time you need to fire one off. It is VITALLY important that you collect a substantial amount of data for your mental database that includes memories of every jiggling ass and nice pair of tits that you see during the day. This is what you will be using for stimulation when you can't get to your laptop."


"No, we CAN'T use super glue when we run out of Jergens. That's an excellent question, Andy."
 
2014-01-28 03:07:12 PM  
So it's not just the USA with insane right-wing fundies
 
2014-01-28 03:07:17 PM  
What kind of jackoff would do something like that?
 
2014-01-28 03:07:28 PM  
Don't teachers usually get in trouble for that?
 
2014-01-28 03:08:52 PM  
So these text messages rubbed them the wrong way?
 
2014-01-28 03:08:57 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2014-01-28 03:13:15 PM  

Rootus: So it's not just the USA with insane right-wing fundies



www.csmonitor.com

Anti-marriage equality protest last year.
 
Zel
2014-01-28 03:15:54 PM  

shanrick: [i.imgur.com image 600x437]


Whoa. Dad had that one hanging in the living room when I was a kid. I don't know the connection to masturbation.. it's just the giant head of a jilted lover. And a potential Beej.
 
2014-01-28 03:16:38 PM  
I am predicting that this thread will get very creepy very quickly
 
2014-01-28 03:17:08 PM  

shanrick: [i.imgur.com image 600x437]


i remember i was about 9 and went to the dali museum in st. pete and wanted to show how smart i was so when we got to a different painting i pointed out to the guide and the tour group that i recognized the "grand masturbator" motif in this painting too!

they all smiled, a few might have even laughed in disbelief that i could be so observant at such a young age, and i was so proud of myself and happy that they recognized just how smart i really was
 
2014-01-28 03:17:56 PM  
Was this to be a hands on in-class assignment or a homework thing?
 
2014-01-28 03:18:33 PM  

Boo_Guy: Was this to be a hands on in-class assignment or a homework thing?


you had to show your work

the proof is in the pudding
 
2014-01-28 03:19:28 PM  
img.fark.net

awh shucks.
 
2014-01-28 03:21:48 PM  
Clip from the instructional video:

i162.photobucket.com
 
2014-01-28 03:23:48 PM  

Rootus: So it's not just the USA with insane right-wing fundies


Came (heh) here for this. Seems the anti-gays are the same lying shiats everywhere. They suck soooooo much, it's hard for me to express how much I loathe the right.
 
2014-01-28 03:27:15 PM  

medius: Boo_Guy: Was this to be a hands on in-class assignment or a homework thing?

you had to show your work

the proof is in the pudding


The quivering quim pudding?  That's not masturbation at all then.

/And I knows my masturbation
//No quim to be found anywhere for me
 
2014-01-28 03:41:13 PM  
Who was rumored to teach these lessons, Jocelyn Elders?
 
2014-01-28 03:47:17 PM  

Endive Wombat: I am predicting that this thread will get very creepy very quickly


Gee, that's a stretch there Punxsutawney Phil
 
2014-01-28 03:47:26 PM  

silvervial: Rootus: So it's not just the USA with insane right-wing fundies

Came (heh) here for this. Seems the anti-gays are the same lying shiats everywhere. They suck soooooo much, it's hard for me to express how much I loathe the right.


Yeah, but for some reason, they are pretty vocal as of recently, in France. I don't understand it either.
 
2014-01-28 04:09:37 PM  

Salmon: I didn't need lessons


I did.  And boy were they worth it.
 
2014-01-28 04:20:43 PM  
Was this in Sandusky County? If so, I've got your man:

i1.ytimg.com
 
2014-01-28 04:21:13 PM  
www.superofficialnews.com

No, really.
 
2014-01-28 04:21:42 PM  

Endive Wombat: I am predicting that this thread will get very creepy very quickly


Well, now that you're here...


I keed!
 
2014-01-28 04:23:54 PM  

medius: Boo_Guy: Was this to be a hands on in-class assignment or a homework thing?

you had to show your work

the proof is in the pudding


Ew.


/also, NOICE
 
2014-01-28 04:30:24 PM  

studebaker hoch: No, really.


I....
I...
Poe's Law?
 
2014-01-28 04:38:30 PM  
Kids these days have the internet.  They dont really need instructions.  At best they might need lube.
 
2014-01-28 04:53:38 PM  
How long before the American Taliban pulls this stunt? 3..2..1...
 
2014-01-28 04:53:57 PM  
images1.wikia.nocookie.net

The instructor is a bit suspicious.
 
2014-01-28 04:57:15 PM  
I jerk off by slamming the toilet seat lid on my wang like everyone else.
 
2014-01-28 05:00:41 PM  
Weird, I live in France and haven't heard of this.
 
2014-01-28 05:20:55 PM  

Molavian: I jerk off by slamming the toilet seat lid on my wang like everyone else.


Damn! I knew I was doing it wrong. At least now I will save money on fly paper.
 
2014-01-28 05:23:21 PM  

studebaker hoch: No, really.


How cute. A dolphin mascot. One of the few species documented performing masturbation and inter-species rape.

They should have picked a t-Rex. Would have made more sense.
 
2014-01-28 05:33:36 PM  
Hope it isn't a hands on lesson...
 
2014-01-28 05:39:15 PM  
Could you imagine getting an "F" in masturbation...  I can just hear the parent - teacher conference now...  "Well looks like we'll be holding Jimmy back this year...  A "C-" in math, a "D" in reading and an "F" in masturbation,,,"

Although I do believe that this would be a great way to identify government workers at an early age.  Those that excel in masturbation could be fast-tracked into government jobs and political office.

/Never took the class but I did all of the homework
 
2014-01-28 05:44:31 PM  
Speaking of stupid things parents believe, my girlfriend has a friend who honest to God believes that there are gay gangs in schools composed entirely of straight guys having gay sex to each other and is afraid her son will get sucked into one.
 
2014-01-28 05:53:56 PM  

leonel: Speaking of stupid things parents believe, my girlfriend has a friend who honest to God believes that there are gay gangs in schools composed entirely of straight guys having gay sex to each other and is afraid her son will get sucked into one.


Or off by one.

(Hopefully her crotch fruit is smarter than her.)
 
2014-01-28 05:56:33 PM  

leonel: Speaking of stupid things parents believe, my girlfriend has a friend who honest to God believes that there are gay gangs in schools composed entirely of straight guys having gay sex to each other and is afraid her son will get sucked into one.


Urm....how does  that work?
 
2014-01-28 06:03:41 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2014-01-28 06:05:32 PM  

VladTheEmailer: leonel: Speaking of stupid things parents believe, my girlfriend has a friend who honest to God believes that there are gay gangs in schools composed entirely of straight guys having gay sex to each other and is afraid her son will get sucked into one.

Urm....how does  that work?


I'll let you know when I learn more. I tried to get a better explanation but my girlfriend was as stupefied as I was.
 
2014-01-28 06:07:22 PM  

leonel: Speaking of stupid things parents believe, my girlfriend has a friend who honest to God believes that there are gay gangs in schools composed entirely of straight guys having gay sex to each other and is afraid her son will get sucked into one.


Soooooooooooooooooo..............  He was asked to be in West Side Story?
 
2014-01-28 07:36:22 PM  

TinyFist: Salmon: I didn't need lessons

Are you sure? I mean, think about it... Maybe you've been jerking off wrong your whole life and you just don't know it.


Wow, If there was a better way, then that would be an awesome discovery for me!
 
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