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(Guardian)   Lessons for Americans: How to survive a Polar Vortex, according to the Germans. 1: Take off your clothes. 2: Embrace despondency. 3: Invade France   (theguardian.com) divider line 49
    More: Strange, Americans, blood pump, lessons, clothing  
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3068 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Jan 2014 at 1:36 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



49 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-01-28 01:38:04 PM  
So, Tuesday?
 
2014-01-28 01:41:11 PM  
Do you suppose it would still work if I did...

Step 3: Invade Jamaica?
 
2014-01-28 01:41:22 PM  
That's your solution to everything, Germany.
 
2014-01-28 01:41:40 PM  
So is that why they attacked Pearl Harbor? To get out of the cold?
 
2014-01-28 01:43:12 PM  
BlizzardKrieg?
 
2014-01-28 01:43:23 PM  
How about move to California?

/today's high here is 82
 
2014-01-28 01:43:56 PM  
There's no such thing as the polar vortex. It's a myth made up by scientists who want government grant money.
 
2014-01-28 01:44:06 PM  

abhorrent1: So is that why they attacked Pearl Harbor? To get out of the cold?


I think you're thinking of the Javanese.  It's an easy mistake to make.
 
2014-01-28 01:47:33 PM  

Geotpf: How about move to California?

/today's high here is 82


You must be more inland, or something?  It's a frigid 63 here in the Westside area of Los Angeles...
 
2014-01-28 01:49:08 PM  
Lede made me LOL

/I know some Germans
 
2014-01-28 01:50:58 PM  

IamAwake: Geotpf: How about move to California?

/today's high here is 82

You must be more inland, or something?   It's a frigid 63 here in the Westside area of Los Angeles...


img.photobucket.com

/was -12 when I got up this morning.
//It's up to +2 Now!
 
2014-01-28 01:52:27 PM  
Yeah, once France has sufficiently addled your brain, then you'll head for Russia. What then, huh?
 
2014-01-28 01:56:59 PM  
Ooooooh, the Germans! I'm so scared!
 
2014-01-28 01:58:00 PM  

abhorrent1: IamAwake: Geotpf: How about move to California?

/today's high here is 82

You must be more inland, or something?   It's a frigid 63 here in the Westside area of Los Angeles...

[img.photobucket.com image 479x356]

/was -12 when I got up this morning.
//It's up to +2 Now!


Aw, leave him alone.  Basically if we don't get a lot of rain here soon we're all farked.
 
2014-01-28 01:59:37 PM  
We're in the middle of a major winter storm here in Atlanta, so I'm getting a kick out of these comments. It's 25 degrees, it's been snowing for two hours, and there's approximately 1/2 inch accumulation on roofs and lawns. Not sticking to the roads yet, because it was in the 50s two days ago and the ground's still warm. It's supposed to snow for another 3-4 hours and accumulate a total of an inch or two. Then it all melts by late tomorrow afternoon, and it'll be in the '60s on Saturday. So pretty much Leningrad.
 
2014-01-28 02:01:06 PM  
Germany's defeat was assured the very moment they invaded France. No match could have ever been worse. On the one hand, you have a country of angry skinny guys who won't eat meat unless it's stuffed into an animal casing. On the other, a country of snooty, smelly guys whose most notorious form of meat carries its home upon its back. Let's just all sigh a great sigh of relief that their chefs never met. The results would have been truly disgusting.
 
2014-01-28 02:01:18 PM  
This article was a farking waste of time.
 
2014-01-28 02:04:21 PM  
Eh, France will just surrender as usual.
 
2014-01-28 02:05:53 PM  
It's a balmy +5F now. Time to open the windows. Get the squirrel.
 
2014-01-28 02:10:01 PM  
What the hell is a kidney warmer?
 
2014-01-28 02:11:19 PM  
Now is the time on Polar Vortex when we dance.
 
2014-01-28 02:15:06 PM  
Then I realized it was a brutal cold front that was making the nation feel as cold as a 20-year-old girl wearing lacy tights on a December night out in New York.

Boring article is still boring.
 
2014-01-28 02:18:19 PM  

That Guy Jeff: What the hell is a kidney warmer?


Apparently it's a really good idea.   Who knew?
 
2014-01-28 02:19:43 PM  

Geotpf: How about move to California?

/today's high here is 82


Nah, too many Californians for my taste.
 
2014-01-28 02:23:41 PM  

abhorrent1: IamAwake: Geotpf: How about move to California?

/today's high here is 82

You must be more inland, or something?   It's a frigid 63 here in the Westside area of Los Angeles...

[img.photobucket.com image 479x356]

/was -12 when I got up this morning.
//It's up to +2 Now!


uh...no, I'm not serious.  I'm mocking you farks that don't live in California.  63 during winter isn't exactly...bad.

//used to live in upstate NY, plenty cold there
 
2014-01-28 02:26:27 PM  

mbillips: So pretty much Leningrad.


Just checked the Temp here in MN and it's warmed up to a sweltering -15 F just after noon. So we're pretty much the Bangkok of the north.
 
2014-01-28 02:30:16 PM  
Actually Poland put up a better fight.
 
2014-01-28 02:34:49 PM  

keypusher: Then I realized it was a brutal cold front that was making the nation feel as cold as a 20-year-old girl wearing lacy tights on a December night out in New York.

Boring article is still boring.


It's a brutal cold front that is making the nation feel as cold as that shiatty simile leaves me.
 
2014-01-28 02:39:00 PM  
Why France? Mexico and Canada are much closer. Would really simplify logistics while costing less.
 
2014-01-28 02:40:26 PM  
Somehow "polar vortex" has a sci-fi ring to it.

My son's school has been closed since Friday.  Wind chill warning in my area until noon Wednesday...wonder if they'll close again or have a two-hour delay.
 
2014-01-28 02:40:37 PM  

That Guy Jeff: What the hell is a kidney warmer?


Not sure, but kidneys can be tasty warmed...

www.sbs.com.au
 
2014-01-28 02:40:48 PM  

That Guy Jeff: What the hell is a kidney warmer?

 
2014-01-28 02:45:17 PM  

That Guy Jeff: What the hell is a kidney warmer?


Jeez  I don't know. The name is so unclear.
 
2014-01-28 02:46:51 PM  

That Guy Jeff: What the hell is a kidney warmer?


I'm assuming booze of some kind.  Of course, that's pretty much my answer to any question.
 
2014-01-28 02:51:48 PM  

Rhypskallion: That Guy Jeff: What the hell is a kidney warmer?

Apparently it's a really good idea.   Who knew?


You can count on Brantgoose to do the research.

I thought maybe a a kidney warmer is a drink to warm your kidneys. (That definition is still free. Feel free, my North American brethren, to create a winter-themed cocktail and call it a kidney warmer.)

But no, it is an article of clothing consisting of a piece of cloth that wraps around the midriff (if you have one). It can be worn under your clothing like a girdle (which it essentially is) or it can be worn over your leotards like a mini-skirt (which is really cute if you have a midriff).

In short, it is one of those things that you can expect the practical, economical Germans to invent or adopt.

Good idea? bad idea? Although the author of the article suggests it is not only for grannies (which means it is only for grannies), photographs suggest that it is popular with hunky guys and cute gals with zero body fat.

They need a kidney warmer, I am sure.

I assume that it works on the premise that if you keep your body temperature up, you can stand any amount of cold.

Personally, I keep to the theory that if you keep your extremities warm, your body can take care of itself.

Give me good warm boots, gloves, scarves and a hat and I am fine to about -15C. Below that and my thighs start to freeze. But coats tend to keep your torso TOO warm, especially if you have to walk through a shopping mall or travel by bus.

I recommend keeping your extremities warm and letting your brown fat get a little cool so it starts shedding the winter blahs and pounds of unsightly body fat.

You are going to need this if you want to wear kidney warmers.

But not if you are prepared to drink your kidney warmers.
 
2014-01-28 02:53:33 PM  

toraque: That Guy Jeff: What the hell is a kidney warmer?

I'm assuming booze of some kind.  Of course, that's pretty much my answer to any question.


What's Brennivin?.
 
2014-01-28 03:39:31 PM  
Sure, but do the trains run on time?
 
2014-01-28 03:42:54 PM  

IamAwake: abhorrent1: IamAwake: Geotpf: How about move to California?

/today's high here is 82

You must be more inland, or something?   It's a frigid 63 here in the Westside area of Los Angeles...

[img.photobucket.com image 479x356]

/was -12 when I got up this morning.
//It's up to +2 Now!

uh...no, I'm not serious.  I'm mocking you farks that don't live in California.  63 during winter isn't exactly...bad.

//used to live in upstate NY, plenty cold there


Actually, yeah, I am inland-Riverside to be precise.
 
2014-01-28 03:55:51 PM  
Was ist ein Nierenwärmer? Etwa fünf Euro, wenn Sie die richtige Prostituierte kennen.
 
2014-01-28 04:06:52 PM  

CygnusDarius: What's Brennivin?.


Icelandic schnaps. Basically, it's caraway-flavored gin. Not bad, actually.
 
2014-01-28 04:18:08 PM  
4) do NOT invade russia (france will back them up on this)
 
2014-01-28 04:27:18 PM  

mbillips: We're in the middle of a major winter storm here in Atlanta, so I'm getting a kick out of these comments. It's 25 degrees, it's been snowing for two hours, and there's approximately 1/2 inch accumulation on roofs and lawns. Not sticking to the roads yet, because it was in the 50s two days ago and the ground's still warm. It's supposed to snow for another 3-4 hours and accumulate a total of an inch or two. Then it all melts by late tomorrow afternoon, and it'll be in the '60s on Saturday. So pretty much Leningrad.


Have you decided who to eat first?
 
2014-01-28 06:02:47 PM  

Wendy's Chili: That's your solution to everything, Germany.


Well they are experts in the subject.
 
2014-01-28 06:08:05 PM  
Germany runs about 20-30ºF in their winter months. Colder in their higher regions.
So what makes the Germans think they have any advice to give to anyone in the U.S. from places like New England, Minnesota, upstate New York, pick a Dakota, of course Alaska, Montana, Illinois, Wisconsin, etc., etc.
Those are dream temperatures for anyone used to winters in the U.S.'s northern regions.
I'd seriously love to hear them offer advice for weathering the cold to some cheesehead sitting through a -5ºf Packer's game.

imgick.nj.com

/hot like a crazy cheesehead
 
2014-01-28 06:33:21 PM  

Popo Bawa: Germany runs about 20-30ºF in their winter months. Colder in their higher regions.
So what makes the Germans think they have any advice to give to anyone in the U.S. from places like New England, Minnesota, upstate New York, pick a Dakota, of course Alaska, Montana, Illinois, Wisconsin, etc., etc.
Those are dream temperatures for anyone used to winters in the U.S.'s northern regions.
I'd seriously love to hear them offer advice for weathering the cold to some cheesehead sitting through a -5ºf Packer's game.

[imgick.nj.com image 620x413]

/hot like a crazy cheesehead


"They know ice and snow like none other... But they don't know our spring".
 
2014-01-28 07:41:19 PM  
Popo Bawa:
I'd seriously love to hear them offer advice for weathering the cold to some cheesehead sitting through a -5ºf Packer's game.

[imgick.nj.com image 620x413]

/hot like a crazy cheesehead


She's been visiting the tanning salon, I see.
 
2014-01-28 10:58:16 PM  
Ja, embracein'-hosin' yer pole, ja, vortexin', ja. Vortexin'-hosin'.
 
2014-01-29 01:46:10 PM  

tennyson: CygnusDarius: What's Brennivin?.

Icelandic schnaps. Basically, it's caraway-flavored gin. Not bad, actually.


Would you recommend it for the vortex?.
 
2014-01-29 02:47:24 PM  

CygnusDarius: Would you recommend it for the vortex?.


Them Icelanders know from cold. I was there in August and I didn't go outside without wearing every garment I brought with me. They get Polar Vortex 24x7x365.

Be sure to get it at the airport duty free store. Everywhere else it's insanely expensive. Weirdly, they let you buy it at the duty free store and then take it into the country without paying any duties on it.
 
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