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(Huffington Post)   'God caught' skydiving teen and saved her life, apparently having changed his mind after screwing with her parachute   (huffingtonpost.com) divider line 37
    More: Scary, train derailment, Central Philippine, North Sumatra, Chicago Transit Authority, road crew, Cebu, Mount Sinabung, West Bengal  
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9194 clicks; posted to Main » on 28 Jan 2014 at 2:50 PM (35 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-01-28 01:15:42 PM
11 votes:
FTFA:   Miraculously, she survived a 3,500-foot plummet to the ground, coming away with broken bones and internal injuries.
"She hit the ground hard," Meagan Wethington said. "God caught her."



It doesn't really count if God caught her after the first bounce.
2014-01-28 03:07:33 PM
6 votes:
Parachutes are for people without sufficient faith.
2014-01-28 03:07:31 PM
6 votes:

KangTheMad: If it was her first jump, why the hell wasn't she tandem with the instructor?


She was already tied to god.
2014-01-28 01:16:27 PM
5 votes:
After reading TFA the only conclusion you can come away with is that God is a d*ck.
2014-01-28 01:29:57 PM
4 votes:
Thrill sports are thrilling because there is a small but easily quantifiable chance of really getting hurt or killed. The people who don't realize this are stupid.

I always see these cases where they claimed God saved them and think, "You were on your way to heaven, seconds away from going to be happy with God for all eternity, and He rejected you. Clearly, He doesn't want you in heaven."
2014-01-28 02:55:49 PM
3 votes:

haemaker: Did the backup chute also fail, or are she and her dad idiots?


her primary failed to deploy fully, she went into a spin, panicked and even though the grounds people over radio and instructors told her what to do and how to recover from spin and cut away and go to reserve she didn't. emergency gravity kicked in and she landed as planned.
2014-01-28 02:52:45 PM
3 votes:

The Stealth Hippopotamus: God does it for the lulz


now i lay me down to sleep, pray the lord my soul to keep
please don't wake me 'fore i go go, you kept me hanging on like a yo yo
2014-01-28 05:34:59 PM
2 votes:
She fall through the holes in His hands?
2014-01-28 03:42:36 PM
2 votes:
i.imgur.com
2014-01-28 03:17:08 PM
2 votes:

Dragonflew: That Guy Jeff: he was too afraid, so the instructor never jumped with Mackenzie and her father, Joe.


... the instructor was too afraid to jump? Where they hell were they buying the skydiving class?

You cut out the part that clears up the confusion.

another man was supposed to follow them, but he was too afraid, so the instructor never jumped with Mackenzie and her father

Sounds like the instructor stayed behind with the other man who was too afraid to jump.


Oooooh, there were TWO other people supposed to jump with them, but one freaked out so the other, the instructor, stayed behind as well. That makes so much more sense. Total of four people supposed to jump. Got it. If only there was some sort of oversight position in journalism with the job of making sure articles are clear and well written. As this person would make edits to articles, we could call them "changers" or "modifiers" or something like that.

Hope the guy who chickened out feels like a real ass now.
2014-01-28 03:15:50 PM
2 votes:

medius: cowgirl toffee: KangTheMad: If it was her first jump, why the hell wasn't she tandem with the instructor?

She was already tied to god.
[img1.imagesbn.com image 260x402][wp.patheos.com.s3.amazonaws.com image 638x402]


What I though of then reading "Parachuting With Jesus"...

imagizer.imageshack.us
2014-01-28 03:01:27 PM
2 votes:

Warlordtrooper: God is kind of an asshole isn't he?



Not only that, but he kind of sucks at catching people, if they still suffer broken bones and internal injuries.

Plus, when you think of all the kids being shot, blown up, tortured, raped, etc, around the world at any given time, you have to wonder why he chooses to save some teen who was intentionally jumping out of an airplane.
2014-01-28 02:58:43 PM
2 votes:

aseras: emergency gravity kicked in and she landed as planned.


1.bp.blogspot.com
2014-01-28 02:56:00 PM
2 votes:
"She hit the ground hard," Meagan Wethington said. "God caught her."

Sounds more like he missed.
2014-01-28 02:53:52 PM
2 votes:
you don't need a parachute to skydive, only if you want to be able to skydive more than once.
2014-01-28 02:23:18 PM
2 votes:
God does it for the lulz
2014-01-29 12:01:59 PM
1 votes:

Stoker: Stoker: I can show you a nutjob, it's in the pic above.

If God caught her (as he obviously did not and pointed out by the Boobiess here) she would have landed softly on her feet. What a religious lunatic she is.
I hope she can enjoy the pain and suffering her recovery is going to be, because it's for God.

/There were better posts above, I just had to get mine in about how religion can cause immense stupidity, because it frustrates the fark out of me.
-=-
Boobiess?
I could have sworn I typed "pointed out by the first few posts here". I know I didn't write boobies.

/That was weird.


Whatever, pervert.
2014-01-28 07:50:50 PM
1 votes:
i.huffpost.com

I'd hit it like a person that hits the ground after their parachute doesn't deploy.

/Surprised i'm the first

//maybe not... she said "god caught her" which may indicate craziness.

///DSYDIC
2014-01-28 07:06:40 PM
1 votes:
I'm sure that skydiving is well regulated in Oklahoma.

i90.photobucket.com
2014-01-28 06:59:07 PM
1 votes:

Fano: I thought whatever God catches, He keeps? I guess she's not a rabbi.


He threw her back because she was too small.
2014-01-28 06:54:27 PM
1 votes:
The theory is simple enough:
Start with a normal-sized chute, then use progressively smaller chutes on subsequent jumps. Eventually, you will get to the point where you won't need a parachute at all.
2014-01-28 04:37:02 PM
1 votes:

FuryOfFirestorm: No matter what the outcome of something is, it's always a part of "God's Plan".

If someone dies in an accident? "It was all part of God's Plan!"

If someone survives an accident unharmed? "It was all part of God's Plan!"

If someone survives with horrible injuries? "It was all part of God's Plan!"

If someone ends up in a coma? "It was all part of God's Plan!"

"It was all part of God's Plan" = "A wizard did it!"


If I win the lottery, I'm going to thank Harry Potter for making it possible.
2014-01-28 04:16:43 PM
1 votes:

faultytower: After reading TFA the only conclusion you can come away with is that God is a d*ck.


Let's be honest. You started there. Confirmation bias is a hell of a drug.
2014-01-28 04:10:46 PM
1 votes:
So the whole web page is after the jump?
2014-01-28 04:03:44 PM
1 votes:

Smelly Pirate Hooker: Texas, where infernal sciency things like evolution and gravity are not taught in public schools.


Whoa, whoa, whoa there pal. Gravity is just a theory!!!
2014-01-28 03:45:44 PM
1 votes:

The Southern Dandy: medius: god only catches me
masturbating

Where is your god now?

[4.bp.blogspot.com image 320x320]


Laying right beside him... moving his hand up and down... up and down...
2014-01-28 03:33:05 PM
1 votes:

cowgirl toffee: red5ish: That Guy Jeff: Hope the guy who chickened out feels like a real ass now.

Sounds to me like God might have told him not to jump.

Nope... Jesus held him back.


"Jesus, let go I'm trying to jump" "No bro, I messed with the parachutes, you don't want to do that." "Dude, why?!"
2014-01-28 03:30:43 PM
1 votes:
Are Assad and Kim Jong Un still alive? Yes, so fark off, you twunts with this "God saved this random, mundane moron's life" crap.
2014-01-28 03:27:08 PM
1 votes:

Farking Canuck: Can a religious person please explain, with yes/no answers, which of the following god is responsible for:

- bad packing of the chute (I am assuming the primary cause of failure)  Yes
- partial deployment of the chute (even a badly packed chute may deploy properly (or close enough)) Yes
- partial deployment in such a way that she spins and cannot follow the instructions to deploy the reserve  Yes
- the degree of deployment of the primary such that her impact velocity breaks bones  Yes
- the medical treatment provided by doctors leading to her recovery  No


Bam.
2014-01-28 03:21:05 PM
1 votes:

medius: cowgirl toffee: KangTheMad: If it was her first jump, why the hell wasn't she tandem with the instructor?

She was already tied to god.
[img1.imagesbn.com image 260x402][wp.patheos.com.s3.amazonaws.com image 638x402]


She had the knot in her.
2014-01-28 03:11:58 PM
1 votes:

cowgirl toffee: KangTheMad: If it was her first jump, why the hell wasn't she tandem with the instructor?

She was already tied to god.


God's a bit of an ass.

"Yo, girl, I'm not gonna let your parachute open. Instead, I'm going to let you smash into the ground, sustaining serious injuries, but you will live. Oh, and you better thank me or I'll farking have the doctors give you the wrong dosage and kill you."
2014-01-28 03:11:40 PM
1 votes:

cowgirl toffee: KangTheMad: If it was her first jump, why the hell wasn't she tandem with the instructor?

She was already tied to god.

img1.imagesbn.comwp.patheos.com.s3.amazonaws.com
2014-01-28 03:09:33 PM
1 votes:

kidgenius: Dragonflew:

Sounds like the instructor stayed behind with the other man who was too afraid to jump.

Why? The pilot still is flying the damn plane. He can take the chicken back down to the ground.

Also, this was her first jump ever and she solo'ed? Isn't that illegal or something?


Why ask me? I was just clearing up who the scaredy-cat was.
2014-01-28 03:01:27 PM
1 votes:

Warlordtrooper: God is kind of an asshole isn't he?


Jump out of an airplane, and you're kinda asking for it.
2014-01-28 02:58:48 PM
1 votes:
God is saying "you are a very, very bad person so I'm going to scare the shiat out of you, smash you into the ground, and leave you broken and in agony".
2014-01-28 02:54:21 PM
1 votes:
Skydivers... God's very own puppets.
2014-01-28 02:17:59 PM
1 votes:

MrBallou: Thrill sports are thrilling because there is a small but easily quantifiable chance of really getting hurt or killed. The people who don't realize this are stupid missing out.


FTFY.
 
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