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(HyperVocal)   "VA officer, I need help finding my uncle?" "Would a naked selfie help?"   (hypervocal.com) divider line 45
    More: Dumbass, Department of Veterans Affairs, police officers, uncles, Naruto characters  
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8301 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Jan 2014 at 6:50 PM (11 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



45 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-01-27 05:06:59 PM
So, I guess Hypervocal is a website that thought Opposing Views was just too darned intelligent in its plagiarism and wanted to dumb things down a bit?

Can we stop linking to these sites that just re-post another site's content without adding anything interesting, unique, or insightful? Jesus, there's nothing here that isn't in the original article at all, it's just some idiot's paraphrase of the source material and a shift into the second person to make it sound "edgy". Utter crap that shouldn't be rewarded at all.

Original link, click this one if you came to the comments without reading TFA:  http://losangeles.cbslocal.com/2014/01/27/only-on-2-federal-police-of f icer-accused-of-sending-nude-selfie-to-woman-who-needed-help/
 
2014-01-27 05:29:14 PM

Pocket Ninja: So, I guess Hypervocal is a website that thought Opposing Views was just too darned intelligent in its plagiarism and wanted to dumb things down a bit?

Can we stop linking to these sites that just re-post another site's content without adding anything interesting, unique, or insightful? Jesus, there's nothing here that isn't in the original article at all, it's just some idiot's paraphrase of the source material and a shift into the second person to make it sound "edgy". Utter crap that shouldn't be rewarded at all.

Original link, click this one if you came to the comments without reading TFA:  http://losangeles.cbslocal.com/2014/01/27/only-on-2-federal-police-of f icer-accused-of-sending-nude-selfie-to-woman-who-needed-help/


This. Oh wait, that's kind of what sites like Hypercrapple do.
 
2014-01-27 05:47:51 PM

Pocket Ninja: So, I guess Hypervocal is a website that thought Opposing Views was just too darned intelligent in its plagiarism and wanted to dumb things down a bit?


They all come and go.

I haven't seen an OV link in a while (last one I commented on was early December).

That's a good thing.

Unless HyperVocal is going to become the new OV.

That's a bad thing.
 
2014-01-27 05:49:19 PM
WTF did I just read? It all turned to gobbledegook at this point:

None of his textual healing advances were requited. Not his question of whether she had a boyfriend. Not his request for a shared cup of coffee. Not a photo of himself in full uniform. At that point, you give up, right?

WHAT???
I'm not even sure who sent the selfie. What does he do at the VA?

It says:
There she met Jason Fougere. As CBS 2 in Los Angeles explains, the woman asked for help, and in return this officer was no gentleman (wakka wakka).

But then never explains who he is, how she got connected with him, etc. Terrible writing all around.
 
2014-01-27 06:51:17 PM
Does her uncle look like a one-eyed snake?
 
2014-01-27 06:51:58 PM
I'm going to file this under "it seemed like a good idea at the time".
 
2014-01-27 06:52:06 PM
That's kinda farked up that the guy knew what his naked uncle looked like
 
2014-01-27 06:53:45 PM
So were her breasts rather large? I mean don't leave us hanging.
 
2014-01-27 06:56:11 PM
cdn.hypervocal.com

Good f*cking god, Slade Sohmer.  Get your shiat together.  After attempting to read that article, I can only assume that hypervocal exists as an opportunity for beginner English as a second language students to get some writing practice.
 
2014-01-27 06:57:25 PM

Mitch Taylor's Bro: This. Oh wait, that's kind of what sites like Hypercrapple do.


Isnt that kinda what fark does ? We just do it funnier and in tweet like format that ignores article content for convenience and lulz
 
2014-01-27 06:58:20 PM
Sure. It helps if you're hot.
 
2014-01-27 06:58:40 PM
fbcdn-sphotos-g-a.akamaihd.net
 
2014-01-27 07:02:50 PM
So???? DID the naked selfie help???
 
2014-01-27 07:06:03 PM

baconbeard: So???? DID the naked selfie help???

 
2014-01-27 07:06:22 PM
The author should be shot for "text rape"
 
2014-01-27 07:07:35 PM
"None of his textual healing advances were requited. Not his question of whether she had a boyfriend. Not his request for a shared cup of coffee. Not a photo of himself in full uniform. At that point, you give up, right?"

When I get that feeling, I need textual healing, textual healing baby! It's good for me! Makes me feel so fine! It's TEXTUAL!!!
 
2014-01-27 07:10:13 PM

Pocket Ninja: So, I guess Hypervocal is a website that thought Opposing Views was just too darned intelligent in its plagiarism and wanted to dumb things down a bit?

Can we stop linking to these sites that just re-post another site's content without adding anything interesting, unique, or insightful? Jesus, there's nothing here that isn't in the original article at all, it's just some idiot's paraphrase of the source material and a shift into the second person to make it sound "edgy". Utter crap that shouldn't be rewarded at all.

Original link, click this one if you came to the comments without reading TFA:  http://losangeles.cbslocal.com/2014/01/27/only-on-2-federal-police-of f icer-accused-of-sending-nude-selfie-to-woman-who-needed-help/


Work firewall/filter blocked hypervocal, category: pornography.

That'll look great at my next performance review.
 
2014-01-27 07:10:17 PM

SenorBenedict: So were her breasts rather large? I mean don't leave us hanging.


Seriously. Talk about important information being left out.
 
2014-01-27 07:15:51 PM

Slartibartfaster: Mitch Taylor's Bro: This. Oh wait, that's kind of what sites like Hypercrapple do.

Isnt that kinda what fark does ? We just do it funnier and in tweet like format that ignores article content for convenience and lulz


Nah, Fark links to stuff and we mock it. Hypercrapple and sites like it are the "this" of the Internet.
 
2014-01-27 07:18:32 PM
Nice hats ladies. Masters of disguise.
 
2014-01-27 07:20:24 PM
Maybe her uncle's name was Dick Johnson and he misunderstood.
 
2014-01-27 07:27:24 PM
SansNeural:

Work firewall/filter blocked hypervocal, category: pornography.

That'll look great at my next performance review.


As your attorney, I advise you to have a creepy co-worker to blame that on.
 
2014-01-27 07:43:49 PM

Slartibartfaster: Mitch Taylor's Bro: This. Oh wait, that's kind of what sites like Hypercrapple do.

Isnt that kinda what fark does ? We just do it funnier and in tweet like format that ignores article content for convenience and lulz


Speak for yourself, John Smith.


In fact, Fark is not infrequently the source of some engaging and tricky insights, particularly when the military, techie or political drone types chime in. I've been sent lots of directions, many of them fruitful by references on Fark.

In addition to the Caturday stuff and the O'Rly memes, obviously.
 
2014-01-27 07:52:26 PM
$10 says this idiot claims "PTSD" or similar if he actually gets in trouble for this..
 
2014-01-27 07:56:03 PM
What if her boobies actually were humongous?  Wouldn't that help his case a little?  And isn't "humongous" a fairly subjective opinion?  Such that we would need to have several opinions in order to see what the average might be?  Such that as, and further more, pics may be produced to further this fact finding endeavor, may it please the court?
 
2014-01-27 08:04:32 PM

f150: SansNeural:

Work firewall/filter blocked hypervocal, category: pornography.

That'll look great at my next performance review.

As your attorney, I advise you to have a creepy co-worker to blame that on.


As this guy's attorney, I advise you to rent a very fast car with no top. And you'll need the cocaine. Tape recorder for special music. Acapulco shirts. Get the hell out of L.A. for at least 48 hours. Blows his weekend, because naturally he's going to have to go with you. And you're going to have to arm yourselves, to the teeth!

/strange torpedo
 
2014-01-27 08:48:13 PM
If she had sent the nude selfie he would've been quicker to help her.
 
2014-01-27 09:30:32 PM
If she was wearing her big tits for the in-person meeting then clearly she was asking for it.

/never seen a woman naked ...
 
2014-01-27 09:32:23 PM
"Please, please help me find my Uncle."

"SNAP..THIS ARE MY PENIS."
 
2014-01-27 09:39:14 PM
"Please, please help me find my Uncle."
Sends pic.
Caption: It's me!
 
2014-01-27 09:47:25 PM

C18H27NO3: "Please, please help me find my Uncle."
Sends pic.
Caption: It's me!


"Your uncle is in my pants. It is imperative that you help me find them, for when we do, your uncle will be close at hand."
 
2014-01-27 10:00:30 PM
I just can't understand the mentality of a guy who thinks this is how to successfully get some action. Especially after not being well received to just keep escalating... You think it's going to farking work? WTF, moron?

Maybe I'm just naive and it actually works more often then I think... But I can't help but suspect that this would only work with the very worst of the most emotionally damaged hambeasts that populate the shadows of nightmares... and even THEN it seems unlikely.
 
2014-01-27 10:10:11 PM
That article text raped me.
 
2014-01-27 10:18:01 PM

megarian: baconbeard: So???? DID the naked selfie help???

 
2014-01-27 10:36:23 PM
I thought it was going to be a naked selfie of the uncle. That would be embarassing, but would nonetheless help. But a selfie of the officer? That is totally non sequitur, won't help them find the lost uncle, not at all.
 
2014-01-27 10:59:18 PM
Jason Fougere aka Carlos Danger?
 
2014-01-27 11:33:06 PM

Walker: WTF did I just read? It all turned to gobbledegook at this point:

None of his textual healing advances were requited. Not his question of whether she had a boyfriend. Not his request for a shared cup of coffee. Not a photo of himself in full uniform. At that point, you give up, right?

WHAT???
I'm not even sure who sent the selfie. What does he do at the VA?

It says:
There she met Jason Fougere. As CBS 2 in Los Angeles explains, the woman asked for help, and in return this officer was no gentleman (wakka wakka).

But then never explains who he is, how she got connected with him, etc. Terrible writing all around.


This. It's just one of the most badly written article I have ever attempted to read. I could barely extract any information out of it and I'm still confused about what happened and how it happened, which are two of the key things that any "news" article should provide. This is an anti-article.
 
2014-01-27 11:33:31 PM

LtDarkstar: $10 says this idiot claims "PTSD" or similar if he actually gets in trouble for this..


The perp was actually a cop working at or near the VA.  Combat vets with PTSD actually seem more stable than cops these days.
 
2014-01-27 11:58:12 PM

fusillade762: SenorBenedict: So were her breasts rather large? I mean don't leave us hanging.

Seriously. Talk about important information being left out.


they were HUMONGOUS, according to the article
 
2014-01-28 12:22:34 AM

mongbiohazard: I just can't understand the mentality of a guy who thinks this is how to successfully get some action. Especially after not being well received to just keep escalating... You think it's going to farking work? WTF, moron?

Maybe I'm just naive and it actually works more often then I think... But I can't help but suspect that this would only work with the very worst of the most emotionally damaged hambeasts that populate the shadows of nightmares... and even THEN it seems unlikely.


i was on the beach one night with a lifer who swore that "wanna fark" worked more often than not. when i saw the diseased hard ridden skanks he was going to ask i realized why.
 
2014-01-28 01:29:45 AM

Curious: i was on the beach one night with a lifer who swore that "wanna fark" worked more often than not. when i saw the diseased hard ridden skanks he was going to ask i realized why.


It does periodically work on decent women, with the right delivery from the right guy. However, not "more often than not."

Now on bar skanks and strippers? Yes.

I've known (too many) guys that thought they were farking Casanova because they just about always farked the chick they were going after, but just about all the chicks they hit on were strippers or nasty ridden hard and put up wet bar skanks. Not necessarily horribly unattractive in every case, but usually with mental issues (if not literally mentally retarded for some of them), bad hygiene (friend who stayed with us for awhile was dating a stripper, who had a nice body but they would fark daily and go several days without washing...even when she was working nightly...I wouldn't touch it with a 10ft pole), drinking problems, and most likely a myriad of std's, etc. etc.

Some of these guys have actually gotten offended that I had no interest in them, cause how could I turn them down when all these other women wanted them so bad? Yeah, dude, you're skeezy, have an overinflated ego, and I see the nasty women you fark, how about no?
 
2014-01-28 07:45:35 AM
"Your boobs are humongous," he reportedly wrote in one text. "They must be fake. Those will be the first fake t*ts I touch."

Works every time.
 
2014-01-28 09:32:10 AM

BolshyGreatYarblocks: LtDarkstar: $10 says this idiot claims "PTSD" or similar if he actually gets in trouble for this..

The perp was actually a cop working at or near the VA.  Combat vets with PTSD actually seem more stable than cops these days.


The VA doesn't have a "police force" of its own, so yes, this guy was most likely a security guard at the front desk of whatever VA facility she went to.

Those security guards are supposed to protect the VA staff from crazies (yes, sometimes veterans with PTSD do "go off" and get dangerous). But hey, we're talking rent-a-cops here, so...
 
2014-01-28 10:57:33 AM

WordyGrrl: BolshyGreatYarblocks: LtDarkstar: $10 says this idiot claims "PTSD" or similar if he actually gets in trouble for this..

The perp was actually a cop working at or near the VA.  Combat vets with PTSD actually seem more stable than cops these days.

The VA doesn't have a "police force" of its own, so yes, this guy was most likely a security guard at the front desk of whatever VA facility she went to.

Those security guards are supposed to protect the VA staff from crazies (yes, sometimes veterans with PTSD do "go off" and get dangerous). But hey, we're talking rent-a-cops here, so...


VA's do indeed have their own police departments. I know several VA police officers and they are not the same as mall security rent-a-cops. I can even site this Wikipedia article that I quickly wrote as my source

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/United _States_Department_of_Veterans_A f fairs_Police
 
2014-01-28 01:56:55 PM

Kevin72: I thought it was going to be a naked selfie of the uncle. That would be embarassing, but would nonetheless help. But a selfie of the officer? That is totally non sequitur, won't help them find the lost uncle, not at all.


It would if his dick looked like the lost uncle.

Mine looks like Abraham Lincoln in the right light.
 
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