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(NPR)   New study shows that many women are still completely clueless when it comes to knowing the best ways to get pregnant, need GOP to convene a special panel of experts to mansplain it to them   (npr.org) divider line 15
    More: Interesting, GOP, judicial panel, Yale School of Medicine, American Society for Reproductive Medicine, sperm counts, experts  
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7015 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Jan 2014 at 5:00 PM (39 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-01-27 05:00:18 PM  
5 votes:
In any case, the larger issue here is how utterly sad it is that so many people out there don't even understand the fundamentals of human biology, especially in regards to something as intrinsic as basic reproduction. It never ceases to amaze me, the amount of rampant misinformation out there about "oooh, this position is best," or "this technique is a sure-fire way that works." It's human nature, I guess, to look for even the most illogical promise in the face of difficulty. Maybe that explains why so many wars have been fought over religion, I don't know. But if you're trying to get pregnant, just remember that, despite everything people will tell you about reverse cowgirl this and doggy style that and scissoring and 69 and what have you, there's one position out there that's tried, true, and as close to a guaranteed pregnancy as you can get -- missionary. You want her legs drawn up high, as high as she can get them. Near her ears, if she's flexible enough. If her sister's there, you can actually have her (the sister, I mean) help hold the legs back. On those times when there's a fourth person in the room (man or woman, it doesn't really matter, whatever floats your boat), you'll want them giving you as deep a prostate massage as they can manage. What this will do is ensure a stronger climax. Stronger climax, deeper penetration of sperm. Deeper penetration of sperm...well, you get the picture.

Now, the important thing post-orgasm is the resting phase. Don't just allow the woman you're trying to impregnate to jump back into the mix. The rest of you have fun for a while; what she should do is slowly slide backward over the edge of the bed into a headstand. If she can't manage a full headstand, that's fine -- she can use the side of the bed to hold herself up. What you want to imagine at this point is a ketchup bottle -- the more you turn it over, the faster that thick, dollopy ketchup inside will flow. You can help the process by tapping on her abdomen the way you do the side of a bottle of Heinz. Not too hard or anything, just, you know, firm pats. If you have any heat sources nearby (matches, portable heaters, etc.), those can also help the flow because heat makes the liquid less viscous -- ie, it flows faster. Just be careful not to burn her.

A lot of people want to know how long this resting phase should last. Well, there's no real answer other than to say that, as with so many things in life, longer is better. Most experts recommend a half hour, minimum, of headstand combined with abdominal tapping and heat. Some abnormally fertile women require much less. Others require much more. But if at first you don't succeed, well, try, try again.
2014-01-27 05:21:00 PM  
4 votes:
A bigger problem is women who can't figure out how to not get pregnant.
2014-01-27 06:31:19 PM  
3 votes:

Nidiot: And yet, many women still manage to get pregnant. Therefore, it would appear they know quite enough about how to get pregnant.

Preventing pregnancies on the other hand... apparently many are not so good at that.


Yea, we got a bunch of women who have no idea how to get knocked up and another bunch who can't stop popping out the ankle biters.

I'm not worried about the future of mankind - we are so screwed it is not even funny.
2014-01-27 06:45:51 PM  
2 votes:
Oh how I wish it was actually true that people could be too stupid to get pregnant. What a way to end most of the world's problems. Unfortunately people can be retarded level stupid and still produce offspring.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that if there is any woman out there that can't get pregnant, it is not because she doesn't know how as much as she, or her partner, might actually be infertile. Pretty much every species on the planet can breed, even the totally brainless ones, it doesn't actually require any intelligence to do so.
2014-01-27 06:13:09 PM  
2 votes:
Well you need to open your rose petals and put your hubby's rowdy general inside and do bouncy bouncy until his nutbladder goes splurt splurt with his musk blessings into your baby hammock.
2014-01-27 05:45:11 PM  
2 votes:
And yet, many women still manage to get pregnant. Therefore, it would appear they know quite enough about how to get pregnant.

Preventing pregnancies on the other hand... apparently many are not so good at that.
2014-01-27 05:12:31 PM  
2 votes:
A lot of the problem is magical thinking. What I mean is; one girl will tell another girl, "yo, gurl, this totes worked 4 me". "Yea, you tie the live salmon to your forehead, just like that.".

This kind of stuff happens even in blue states. They think it won't happen to them; they were very careful; then they trust in these witchdoctory cures. Then they're on the show 16 and pregnant.
2014-01-27 04:06:28 PM  
2 votes:

ManateeGag: MaudlinMutantMollusk: How is republican babby formed?

I'm guessing hit has something to do with lack of oxygen to the fetus.


I don't know. But at least with a Republican baby you can ask the father....

/no idea why this went partisan
2014-01-27 09:15:22 PM  
1 votes:
Ladies, don't be a mum, take it up the bum.
2014-01-27 05:55:47 PM  
1 votes:
democrats should get a jump on this and waste some taxpayer money inventing a super fetus sucking, tiny human spine twisting, needle in the new baby brain abortion machine.
2014-01-27 05:20:04 PM  
1 votes:
B-E-S-U-R-E-T-O-D-R-I-N-K-Y-O-U-R-O-V-U-L-T-I-N-E
2014-01-27 05:12:44 PM  
1 votes:
This just in.

If your girlfriend puts a pillow under her butt and tells you it is so she can get more comfortable......flip her over, pump a few and finish the job on her shoulder blades... then leave and never come back
2014-01-27 05:03:48 PM  
1 votes:

Pocket Ninja: In any case, the larger issue here is how utterly sad it is that so many people out there don't even understand the fundamentals of human biology, especially in regards to something as intrinsic as basic reproduction. It never ceases to amaze me, the amount of rampant misinformation out there about "oooh, this position is best," or "this technique is a sure-fire way that works." It's human nature, I guess, to look for even the most illogical promise in the face of difficulty. Maybe that explains why so many wars have been fought over religion, I don't know. But if you're trying to get pregnant, just remember that, despite everything people will tell you about reverse cowgirl this and doggy style that and scissoring and 69 and what have you, there's one position out there that's tried, true, and as close to a guaranteed pregnancy as you can get -- missionary. You want her legs drawn up high, as high as she can get them. Near her ears, if she's flexible enough. If her sister's there, you can actually have her (the sister, I mean) help hold the legs back. On those times when there's a fourth person in the room (man or woman, it doesn't really matter, whatever floats your boat), you'll want them giving you as deep a prostate massage as they can manage. What this will do is ensure a stronger climax. Stronger climax, deeper penetration of sperm. Deeper penetration of sperm...well, you get the picture.

Now, the important thing post-orgasm is the resting phase. Don't just allow the woman you're trying to impregnate to jump back into the mix. The rest of you have fun for a while; what she should do is slowly slide backward over the edge of the bed into a headstand. If she can't manage a full headstand, that's fine -- she can use the side of the bed to hold herself up. What you want to imagine at this point is a ketchup bottle -- the more you turn it over, the faster that thick, dollopy ketchup inside will flow. You can help the process by tapping on her abdomen the way you ...


I'll.....be in my bunk.
2014-01-27 04:14:17 PM  
1 votes:

The Stealth Hippopotamus: /no idea why this went partisan


Really? No idea at all? Not even the tiniest inkling?
2014-01-27 03:50:48 PM  
1 votes:
Best way to get pregnant?

Be hot, don't be choosey
 
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