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(NPR)   New study shows that many women are still completely clueless when it comes to knowing the best ways to get pregnant, need GOP to convene a special panel of experts to mansplain it to them   (npr.org) divider line 91
    More: Interesting, GOP, judicial panel, Yale School of Medicine, American Society for Reproductive Medicine, sperm counts, experts  
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7007 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Jan 2014 at 5:00 PM (25 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



91 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-01-27 06:16:55 PM
People are stupid. Film at 11.
 
2014-01-27 06:29:48 PM
Well first you kiss the girl and then that makes the cabbage turn into a baby ands then the stork delivers it 9 months later.

Or the repressed way, think about your secratary while banging your wife through a sheet with a hole in it.
 
2014-01-27 06:31:19 PM

Nidiot: And yet, many women still manage to get pregnant. Therefore, it would appear they know quite enough about how to get pregnant.

Preventing pregnancies on the other hand... apparently many are not so good at that.


Yea, we got a bunch of women who have no idea how to get knocked up and another bunch who can't stop popping out the ankle biters.

I'm not worried about the future of mankind - we are so screwed it is not even funny.
 
2014-01-27 06:34:45 PM
i1048.photobucket.com
 
2014-01-27 06:34:52 PM
I had a coworker explain to me on a plane to a customer site that he was pissed to have to come on the trip because his wife was about to ovulate, and he would miss the opportunity to have a girl because Y-chromosomed spermatozoas are faster, but die first, so if you have sex before the woman ovulates, there are more X spermatozoas left to fertilize the egg, but if you have sex after the ovulation, the Ys get there first.

I facepalmed so hard, I almost hurt myself.

On an unrelated note, I had a mental freudian slip and almost wrote X-Wing and Y-wing in the above paragraph.
 
2014-01-27 06:38:21 PM
i306.photobucket.com
 
2014-01-27 06:45:43 PM
 
2014-01-27 06:45:51 PM
Oh how I wish it was actually true that people could be too stupid to get pregnant. What a way to end most of the world's problems. Unfortunately people can be retarded level stupid and still produce offspring.

I'm going to go out on a limb here and suggest that if there is any woman out there that can't get pregnant, it is not because she doesn't know how as much as she, or her partner, might actually be infertile. Pretty much every species on the planet can breed, even the totally brainless ones, it doesn't actually require any intelligence to do so.
 
2014-01-27 06:48:45 PM

JerkyMeat: [i1048.photobucket.com image 600x600]


Thank you. Thread over.
 
2014-01-27 06:54:24 PM

Dr Dreidel: MaudlinMutantMollusk: How is republican babby formed?

Well, when a Job Creator and a Sandwich Creator tolerate each other for long enough, the man, responding to his natural urges, forces himself onto a woman. Then, assuming she feels an appropriate amount of shame (not too much, or she might shut that whole thing down), she subsumes the Job Creator's homunculus into her tummy, where 9 months later (assuming your faith in The One True God is unshaken), it pops out healthy and happy.

Like Cuato.


No disrespect to Pocket Ninja, but I like this one best.
 
2014-01-27 06:59:43 PM
A friend of mine once told me about his little dumb ass sister.  She was about fifteen and got pregnant.  When questioned by her parents and doctors she admitted she didn't use birth control or condoms with her boyfriend.  Her reason?  "But, I'm too skinny!  My hips are too narrow to have a baby!  I thought my body wouldn't let me get pregnant if I couldn't have a baby!"  And this was years before we as a nation knew that the female body had ways of trying to shut that whole thing down.  She wasn't even from some third world abstinence hell hole like Texas.  She lived in Washington state.
 
2014-01-27 07:03:28 PM
www.planetsforkids.org
 
2014-01-27 07:25:46 PM

The Stealth Hippopotamus: ManateeGag: MaudlinMutantMollusk: How is republican babby formed?

I'm guessing hit has something to do with lack of oxygen to the fetus.

I don't know. But at least with a Republican baby you can ask the father....

/no idea why this went partisan


Do you suffer from some sort of odd medical condition that causes you to be having a stroke all the time?
 
2014-01-27 07:30:28 PM
Abstinence only education is working then.
 
2014-01-27 07:37:53 PM
I may be wrong here, but don't you just stick a penis in a vagina and keep it there until semen comes out?
 
2014-01-27 07:59:39 PM
The right wing can legislate birth control.

The left wing can legislate gun control.

Either way, we're all f*cked.
 
2014-01-27 08:01:41 PM

Pope Larry II: Penis goes where?


Penis goes when?
 
2014-01-27 08:04:44 PM

Satanic_Hamster: I may be wrong here, but don't you just stick a penis in a vagina and keep it there until semen comes out?


Well that's one way to get your girlfriend/wife pregnant providing you don't want to be the father.
 
2014-01-27 08:05:26 PM

Flab: I had a coworker explain to me on a plane to a customer site that he was pissed to have to come on the trip because his wife was about to ovulate, and he would miss the opportunity to have a girl because Y-chromosomed spermatozoas are faster, but die first, so if you have sex before the woman ovulates, there are more X spermatozoas left to fertilize the egg, but if you have sex after the ovulation, the Ys get there first.

I facepalmed so hard, I almost hurt myself.

On an unrelated note, I had a mental freudian slip and almost wrote X-Wing and Y-wing in the above paragraph.


It's because some quack doctor/scientist decided that 'big' sperm must be X sperm, and 'small' sperm must be Y sperm, without ever bothering to check if that was true or not.  The big ones were slow and the small ones fast.  Later, when we could actually do matched tests to confirm the genetic identity of fast/slow sperm, we found that there was no difference.

I have always heard that Y sperm are more fragile, though, but I'm having problems finding a reliable source.  The explanation makes sense, though:  Women do tend to give birth to fewer boys during high stress times (high pollution, poor nutrition, that kind of thing), and Y sperm are lacking a significant number of genes compared to X sperm.  Evolutionarily, during stress, having a higher female to male ratio makes sense again; one surviving male can impregnate many females.
 
2014-01-27 08:20:00 PM
Seriously just fark alot, and unless you have fertility issues you will make babby.
 
2014-01-27 08:22:44 PM
Romney can whip out his binders full of women for reference....
 
2014-01-27 08:31:14 PM
Aestatis
Evolutionarily, during stress, having a higher female to male ratio makes sense again; one surviving male can impregnate many females.


"Kif, clear my schedule!"
i.imgur.com
 
2014-01-27 08:43:14 PM
FYI, male experts are called mansperts. Which, ironically enough, is exactly how women get pregnant.
 
2014-01-27 08:51:32 PM

The Stealth Hippopotamus: Pocket Ninja: Really? No idea at all? Not even the tiniest inkling?

Is this a welcome to Fark deal? Or is there a page two to the article that I missed.

"If position had anything to do with it how the hell are kids getting pregnant in the backs of cars?."


You should go and investigate how members of various political parties stand on the idea of sex education.
 
2014-01-27 09:14:32 PM

Aestatis: Flab: I had a coworker explain to me on a plane to a customer site that he was pissed to have to come on the trip because his wife was about to ovulate, and he would miss the opportunity to have a girl because Y-chromosomed spermatozoas are faster, but die first, so if you have sex before the woman ovulates, there are more X spermatozoas left to fertilize the egg, but if you have sex after the ovulation, the Ys get there first.

I facepalmed so hard, I almost hurt myself.

On an unrelated note, I had a mental freudian slip and almost wrote X-Wing and Y-wing in the above paragraph.

It's because some quack doctor/scientist decided that 'big' sperm must be X sperm, and 'small' sperm must be Y sperm, without ever bothering to check if that was true or not.  The big ones were slow and the small ones fast.  Later, when we could actually do matched tests to confirm the genetic identity of fast/slow sperm, we found that there was no difference.

I have always heard that Y sperm are more fragile, though, but I'm having problems finding a reliable source.  The explanation makes sense, though:  Women do tend to give birth to fewer boys during high stress times (high pollution, poor nutrition, that kind of thing), and Y sperm are lacking a significant number of genes compared to X sperm.  Evolutionarily, during stress, having a higher female to male ratio makes sense again; one surviving male can impregnate many females.


Even if the ratio was different, it's still a guessing game, that is only valid in large numbers. My coworker could still have a girl even if did not go on that business trip.

Also, I think the fact that there are more girls in stress periods may be dure to the fact that (a) stress and malnutrition can induce premature labor, and (b) premature girls have a higher survival rate than boys, but epigenetics may indeed play a role as well.
 
2014-01-27 09:15:22 PM
Ladies, don't be a mum, take it up the bum.
 
2014-01-27 09:26:15 PM

Nidiot: And yet, many women still manage to get pregnant. Therefore, it would appear they know quite enough about how to get pregnant.

Preventing pregnancies on the other hand... apparently many are not so good at that.


It all depends on how much incentive they have.

If a woman has a job and is productive and has a cushy office job, she just gets pregnant on the side.  Such a woman just does cursory research.

A good dumb woman isn't going to get paid well, so work is tough.  She will do all kinds of research into finding out what works as soon as possible, even looking up how to trick a man.  You don't need that silly thing, i'm on the pill.  It feels so much better this way anyway.  Dump the first load in me and I will let you go in behind....etc.

Thus, increasing and increasing amounts of dumb women.. and now they just get years of unemployment and welfare and dont even have to spread their legs.
 
2014-01-27 09:27:23 PM
I wonder how many men could answer the same questions accurately?

Of course, if they (allegedly) can't open bras then perhaps pregnancy knowledge is too high a bar.
 
2014-01-27 09:28:40 PM
It's actually not that easy. You have a few days' window in a monthly ovulation period, and that assumes your little swimmers aren't all farked up.

IMO, women who get pregnant "by mistake" should also know their cycle better and either refrain or use protection.

/nuh uh I do what I want!
 
2014-01-27 09:42:05 PM

Flab: Aestatis: Flab: I had a coworker explain to me on a plane to a customer site that he was pissed to have to come on the trip because his wife was about to ovulate, and he would miss the opportunity to have a girl because Y-chromosomed spermatozoas are faster, but die first, so if you have sex before the woman ovulates, there are more X spermatozoas left to fertilize the egg, but if you have sex after the ovulation, the Ys get there first.

I facepalmed so hard, I almost hurt myself.

On an unrelated note, I had a mental freudian slip and almost wrote X-Wing and Y-wing in the above paragraph.

It's because some quack doctor/scientist decided that 'big' sperm must be X sperm, and 'small' sperm must be Y sperm, without ever bothering to check if that was true or not.  The big ones were slow and the small ones fast.  Later, when we could actually do matched tests to confirm the genetic identity of fast/slow sperm, we found that there was no difference.

I have always heard that Y sperm are more fragile, though, but I'm having problems finding a reliable source.  The explanation makes sense, though:  Women do tend to give birth to fewer boys during high stress times (high pollution, poor nutrition, that kind of thing), and Y sperm are lacking a significant number of genes compared to X sperm.  Evolutionarily, during stress, having a higher female to male ratio makes sense again; one surviving male can impregnate many females.

Even if the ratio was different, it's still a guessing game, that is only valid in large numbers. My coworker could still have a girl even if did not go on that business trip.

Also, I think the fact that there are more girls in stress periods may be dure to the fact that (a) stress and malnutrition can induce premature labor, and (b) premature girls have a higher survival rate than boys, but epigenetics may indeed play a role as well.


I keep seeing people throw around "epigenetics" like it's some magic phrase that suddenly explains everything we don't already know about genetics.  What does a lay person think that means?
 
2014-01-27 09:43:40 PM

Pocket Ninja: In any case, the larger issue here is how utterly sad it is that so many people out there don't even understand the fundamentals of human biology, especially in regards to something as intrinsic as basic reproduction. It never ceases to amaze me, the amount of rampant misinformation out there about "oooh, this position is best," or "this technique is a sure-fire way that works." It's human nature, I guess, to look for even the most illogical promise in the face of difficulty. Maybe that explains why so many wars have been fought over religion, I don't know. But if you're trying to get pregnant, just remember that, despite everything people will tell you about reverse cowgirl this and doggy style that and scissoring and 69 and what have you, there's one position out there that's tried, true, and as close to a guaranteed pregnancy as you can get -- missionary. You want her legs drawn up high, as high as she can get them. Near her ears, if she's flexible enough. If her sister's there, you can actually have her (the sister, I mean) help hold the legs back. On those times when there's a fourth person in the room (man or woman, it doesn't really matter, whatever floats your boat), you'll want them giving you as deep a prostate massage as they can manage. What this will do is ensure a stronger climax. Stronger climax, deeper penetration of sperm. Deeper penetration of sperm...well, you get the picture.

Now, the important thing post-orgasm is the resting phase. Don't just allow the woman you're trying to impregnate to jump back into the mix. The rest of you have fun for a while; what she should do is slowly slide backward over the edge of the bed into a headstand. If she can't manage a full headstand, that's fine -- she can use the side of the bed to hold herself up. What you want to imagine at this point is a ketchup bottle -- the more you turn it over, the faster that thick, dollopy ketchup inside will flow. You can help the process by tapping on her abdomen the way you ...


tl;dr--sum it up in three sentences, dude.
 
2014-01-27 10:18:47 PM
This advice may help increase pregnancies, assuming there are any heterosexuals who listen to NPR.
 
2014-01-27 10:46:47 PM
Step 1: Tequilla.

...I don't really remember what the other steps were, but that seemed to do the trick for me.
 
2014-01-27 11:25:22 PM

Pocket Ninja: In any case, the larger issue here is how utterly sad it is that so many people out there don't even understand the fundamentals of human biology, especially in regards to something as intrinsic as basic reproduction. It never ceases to amaze me, the amount of rampant misinformation out there about "oooh, this position is best," or "this technique is a sure-fire way that works." It's human nature, I guess, to look for even the most illogical promise in the face of difficulty. Maybe that explains why so many wars have been fought over religion, I don't know. But if you're trying to get pregnant, just remember that, despite everything people will tell you about reverse cowgirl this and doggy style that and scissoring and 69 and what have you, there's one position out there that's tried, true, and as close to a guaranteed pregnancy as you can get -- missionary. You want her legs drawn up high, as high as she can get them. Near her ears, if she's flexible enough. If her sister's there, you can actually have her (the sister, I mean) help hold the legs back. On those times when there's a fourth person in the room (man or woman, it doesn't really matter, whatever floats your boat), you'll want them giving you as deep a prostate massage as they can manage. What this will do is ensure a stronger climax. Stronger climax, deeper penetration of sperm. Deeper penetration of sperm...well, you get the picture.

Now, the important thing post-orgasm is the resting phase. Don't just allow the woman you're trying to impregnate to jump back into the mix. The rest of you have fun for a while; what she should do is slowly slide backward over the edge of the bed into a headstand. If she can't manage a full headstand, that's fine -- she can use the side of the bed to hold herself up. What you want to imagine at this point is a ketchup bottle -- the more you turn it over, the faster that thick, dollopy ketchup inside will flow. You can help the process by tapping on her abdomen the way you ...




s.iwl.me I write like
Stephen King

I Write Like. Analyze your writing!


this could explain why I have trouble reading PN's longer prose.
HE/SHE/IT needs an editor!@
 
2014-01-28 12:05:36 AM
 
2014-01-28 12:49:43 AM
Well, that's the logical outcome of 70 years of government schools ..
 
2014-01-28 01:24:23 AM
So this marks the end of our species then?
 
2014-01-28 05:13:09 AM

Nutsac_Jim: This just in.

If your girlfriend puts a pillow under her butt and tells you it is so she can get more comfortable...


It was a favorite position in the book Fanny Hill, as I recall.
 
2014-01-28 11:11:54 AM

namatad: I write like
Stephen King
I Write Like. Analyze your writing!

http://iwl.me/ 


this could explain why I have trouble reading PN's longer prose.
HE/SHE/IT needs an editor!@


Cool little test.  What does it mean when you submit two different samples and you get back Stephanie Meyers and H.P.Lovecraft?
 
2014-01-28 03:48:29 PM

fickenchucker: What does it mean when you submit two different samples and you get back Stephanie Meyers and H.P.Lovecraft?


That you should start writing horrible fiction about a teenage girl who is torn between her love for Cthulhu and a Shoggoth... And, for unexplained reasons, Cthulhu sparkles in the daylight...
 
gja [TotalFark]
2014-01-28 08:32:18 PM

RobSeace: fickenchucker: What does it mean when you submit two different samples and you get back Stephanie Meyers and H.P.Lovecraft?

That you should start writing horrible fiction about a teenage girl who is torn between her love for Cthulhu and a Shoggoth... And, for unexplained reasons, Cthulhu sparkles in the daylight...


I write like
William Shakespeare

God damn, even my writing tells me I'm old. Faaaaaaark.
 
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