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(Slate)   You shouldn't praise your kids like that, says unwed, childless, twentysomething   (slate.com) divider line 106
    More: Stupid, Nietzsche, hush money  
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9911 clicks; posted to Main » on 27 Jan 2014 at 2:48 PM (33 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-01-27 01:43:00 PM
It's well known that children who are beaten regularly turn into well balanced and productive members of society.
 
2014-01-27 02:09:43 PM
Sounds like someone took a dump mommybloggermitter's Life Is Good tote bag this morning.
 
2014-01-27 02:47:12 PM
Two problems with overpraise:

1) if you shower your kid with praise every time they do something, they will need praising every time.

2) if you shower your kid with praise regardless of how well they actually do, they'll catch on and either distrust you, or stop trying, since the level of praise is the same anyway.

It's better to

1) keep praise specific when you're praising a project (e.g. I like how you drew that house, it looks just like ours)

2) praise effort, sure, but don't make them afraid of failure. Failure is not a bad thing, as long as you can learn from it.

3) give little girls compliments that aren't just about their looks. They like to be told they're strong and quick and clever too.
 
2014-01-27 02:51:42 PM

Tr0mBoNe: It's well known that children who are beaten regularly turn into well balanced and productive members of society.


Ah, the GOP method of parenting.
 
2014-01-27 02:52:23 PM
Asian parents agree


treasure.diylol.com
 
2014-01-27 02:54:05 PM
This article improved the way I praise my kids participation in sports.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rachel-macy-stafford/six-words-you-sho ul d-say-today_b_3863643.html


/Most often this year morphed into "I love to watch you ski!"
 
2014-01-27 02:55:06 PM

God Is My Co-Pirate: 3) give little girls compliments that aren't just about their looks. They like to be told they're strong and quick and clever too


If this catches on, there could be a critical shortage of strippers in 18 years.  Stop the madness.
 
2014-01-27 02:55:19 PM
i hate the terms low and high self esteem.  what you have are people who accurately assess their talents (or lack thereof) and delusional people who think they're great, facts immaterial.

of course, that's not to say delusion is a bad thing.  it's important for every soldier, athlete, actor, salesperson, etc to be appropriately delusional.

but, it's not esteem.  it's whether you allow evidence to support your view of yourself, or you just invent a view of yourself.
 
2014-01-27 02:56:27 PM
I think the world will shiat on my daughter quite enough without me piling on...just sayin is all
 
2014-01-27 02:57:22 PM
Whenever you compliment a boy, make sure it's about the attractiveness of his attributes, and encourage him to further perfect looking well. He's a boy, the world is already tilted in his favour, and men don't achieve officeplace oneupmanship on their merits - the boss will claim responsibility for those.
Never praise a girl, for if you do, by the time they turn into women they will have excelled at taking every compliment as an insult.
 
2014-01-27 02:59:08 PM

God Is My Co-Pirate: 3) give little girls compliments that aren't just about their looks. They like to be told they're strong and quick and clever too.


That's great advice. I was just having a conversation about this with a close friend of mine. The only positive things she ever says to her daughter are about how pretty she is or how nice her outfit looks on her. I told my friend she'd be better served by emphasizing how smart her little girl is instead. It woulnd't even be disingenuous, since her daugther really is bright
 
2014-01-27 02:59:37 PM

asmodeus224: I think the world will shiat on my daughter quite enough without me piling on...just sayin is all


At least teach her that she can, and should, charge extra for that.
 
2014-01-27 02:59:49 PM
God Is My Co-Pirate:

3) give little girls compliments that aren't just about their looks. They like to be told they're strong and quick and clever too.

Even when they aren't, so everyone wins.   Because everyone is special?
 
2014-01-27 03:00:24 PM

pute kisses like a man: i hate the terms low and high self esteem.  what you have are people who accurately assess their talents (or lack thereof) and delusional people who think they're great, facts immaterial.

of course, that's not to say delusion is a bad thing.  it's important for every soldier, athlete, actor, salesperson, etc to be appropriately delusional.

but, it's not esteem.  it's whether you allow evidence to support your view of yourself, or you just invent a view of yourself.


Self-efficacy, the phrase you're looking for is self-efficacy.

/it's like people don't know what words mean
//I only spent most of my grade-school recess copying out of an unabridged dictionary because I was a rowdy kid
///Now, I know what words mean
////CSB
 
2014-01-27 03:01:51 PM
Yeah because everyone WITH Kids is an expert on parenting.
 
2014-01-27 03:02:16 PM
But, she graduated from Yale University and lives in Washington, D.C.
 
2014-01-27 03:03:52 PM
It doesn't matter either way because your kid is going to try heroin at 15.
 
2014-01-27 03:04:08 PM
I have to praise her like I shoooooooooo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-uld
 
2014-01-27 03:06:34 PM
If you think that you should acknowledge your child's accomplishments then do so.

If however, you think that praising a child will spoil them you are probably not a very good parent.
 
2014-01-27 03:07:30 PM
...unwed, childless, twentysomething

themodernspinster.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-01-27 03:07:41 PM
Just grunt at your children and wave your arms all over the place like those wind blown promo guys in front of businesses.
 
2014-01-27 03:08:48 PM

MemeSlave: God Is My Co-Pirate:

3) give little girls compliments that aren't just about their looks. They like to be told they're strong and quick and clever too.

Even when they aren't, so everyone wins.   Because everyone is special?


I don't think that was what God meant.  Praise should be given for real attributes, beyond looks. Whatever they may be.
 
2014-01-27 03:08:57 PM
FTFA:  I'd changed from a carefree kid into a self-conscious preteen...

So 10 years ago?
 
2014-01-27 03:12:11 PM
My dad gave me a chore when I was a teenager and when I was done I made the mistake of saying 'How about an attaboy?' because I thought I did pretty good. As I was picking myself up off the floor he said 'I expect you to do it properly.' and walked away.

He was my model for how not to parent.
 
2014-01-27 03:12:15 PM
My mom always rewarded me with one of her valium's.
 
2014-01-27 03:13:23 PM
You know, this is actually a pretty well sourced and well written article from what I can tell.....
 
2014-01-27 03:15:13 PM

Necronic: You know, this is actually a pretty well sourced and well written article from what I can tell.....


That is what I was thinking as well, but subby got me to click so the headline worked...

GREAT JOB, SUBBY! Really top notch!
 
2014-01-27 03:16:00 PM

uncleacid: My mom always rewarded me with one of her valium's.


It would seem no one praised you for your grammar.

/Valium's what?
 
2014-01-27 03:16:16 PM
"You shouldn't praise your kids like that, says unwed, childless, twentysomething" summarizing a peer-reviewed study from one of the most prominent research psychology programs in the world.

But that's not as funny or trolltastic, I guess.

/also, probably too long
 
2014-01-27 03:17:17 PM

FunkOut: Just grunt at your children and wave your arms all over the place like those wind blown promo guys in front of businesses.


2.bp.blogspot.com
(the left hand one scares me)
 
2014-01-27 03:17:53 PM
In one experiment, adults were presented with profiles of imaginary kids with high and low self-esteem.

All of my imaginary children are highly successful doctors - except for Nigel.  I just can't understand where we went wrong with him...
 
2014-01-27 03:18:06 PM

uncleacid: My mom always rewarded me with one of her valium's.


One of her Valium's what?
 
2014-01-27 03:18:35 PM

obamadidcoke: If you think that you should acknowledge your child's accomplishments then do so.

If however, you think that praising a child will spoil them you are probably not a very good parent.


If everything is exceptional, than nothing is exceptional.  Likewise, if everything is praised, truly significant accomplishments will not be acknowledged as they should.
 
2014-01-27 03:18:58 PM

Oakenshield: uncleacid: My mom always rewarded me with one of her valium's.

It would seem no one praised you for your grammar.

/Valium's what?


Tiny fist shaken, not stirred.
 
2014-01-27 03:19:14 PM

nrdgrl: "You shouldn't praise your kids like that, says unwed, childless, twentysomething" summarizing a peer-reviewed study from one of the most prominent research psychology programs in the world.

But that's not as funny or trolltastic, I guess.

/also, probably too long


So your study didn't go over very well ?   Better luck next time.

/took of points for SLATE
 
2014-01-27 03:21:41 PM

Tr0mBoNe: It's well known that children who are beaten regularly turn into well balanced and productive members of society.


Dad, you are full of shiat.
 
2014-01-27 03:22:29 PM

Oakenshield: uncleacid: My mom always rewarded me with one of her valium's.

It would seem no one praised you for your grammar.

/Valium's what?


Grammar never gave me valium. She gave me whiskey.
 
2014-01-27 03:23:55 PM

Fear the Clam: Oakenshield: uncleacid: My mom always rewarded me with one of her valium's.

It would seem no one praised you for your grammar.

/Valium's what?

Tiny fist shaken, not stirred.



You can't figure it out?
 
2014-01-27 03:27:38 PM
I'm kind of on the fence about this.  On the one hand, encouragement is important for helping kids grow.  On the other hand, when they're done growing they get tossed onto the trash heap with the rest of humanity where no one thinks you're special or gives a damn about your dreams and talents except for the ones that make money.

Sometimes I wish I'd just been told from the start, point-blank, "Get used to reality.  You won't be doctoring stuffed animals for a living and eating ice cream and candy at every meal when you grow up, unless you become a drug addict" instead of "You can be anything you want to be."

/Childhood is kind of one big lie, when you think about it.
//and I don't like lies
///Nephews are cute though
 
2014-01-27 03:27:41 PM

nrdgrl: "You shouldn't praise your kids like that, says unwed, childless, twentysomething" summarizing a peer-reviewed study from one of the most prominent research psychology programs in the world.

But that's not as funny or trolltastic, I guess.

/also, probably too long


C'mon! It's a well-known fact that people without children couldn't possibly have views on what methods of raising children are good, and which ones fail. You know, it's not like they don't see a variety of other parents and see which have children that suck and which have children that are seven levels of awesome, and then draw conclusions.

Just like you can't be a gynecologist unless you actually have women parts, and can't come up with football strategies and plays unless you've actually played the game yourself, to the level of whomever you are commenting about.

These are known facts!
 
2014-01-27 03:29:49 PM

Deep Contact: Fear the Clam: Oakenshield: uncleacid: My mom always rewarded me with one of her valium's.

It would seem no one praised you for your grammar.

/Valium's what?

Tiny fist shaken, not stirred.


You can't figure it out?


upload.wikimedia.org
 
2014-01-27 03:30:09 PM
Treat people, including your children, the way you'd like to be treated
 
2014-01-27 03:32:46 PM

Contrabulous Flabtraption: Treat people, including your children, the way you'd like to be treated


I'm not giving my son any marijuana
 
2014-01-27 03:33:45 PM

God Is My Co-Pirate: Two problems with overpraise:

1) if you shower your kid with praise every time they do something, they will need praising every time.

2) if you shower your kid with praise regardless of how well they actually do, they'll catch on and either distrust you, or stop trying, since the level of praise is the same anyway.

It's better to

1) keep praise specific when you're praising a project (e.g. I like how you drew that house, it looks just like ours)

2) praise effort, sure, but don't make them afraid of failure. Failure is not a bad thing, as long as you can learn from it.

3) give little girls compliments that aren't just about their looks. They like to be told they're strong and quick and clever too.


You said don't lie to them, then tell us to lie to them.

So do you advocate lying to them or not? It's alright not to be as strong, quick, or clever as boys you know.
 
2014-01-27 03:34:36 PM

Contrabulous Flabtraption: Treat people, including your children, the way you'd like to be treated


This is possibly the best advice in the thread.
I ensure to slip all my younger relatives at least one mickey of vodka a day. It takes some travelling and interesting postal arrangements, but it's gonna pay off when I retire.
 
2014-01-27 03:34:39 PM

ransack.: Contrabulous Flabtraption: Treat people, including your children, the way you'd like to be treated

I'm not giving my son any marijuana


Growing it myself was good enough for me, it's good enough for him.
 
2014-01-27 03:36:16 PM

starsrift: Contrabulous Flabtraption: Treat people, including your children, the way you'd like to be treated

This is possibly the best advice in the thread.
I ensure to slip all my younger relatives at least one mickey of vodka a day. It takes some travelling and interesting postal arrangements, but it's gonna pay off when I retire.


Mail them the mini-fridge bottles. If you use the express mailers you will save money and you can send a whole week's supply.
 
2014-01-27 03:36:47 PM

Contrabulous Flabtraption: Treat people, including your children, the way you'd like to be treated


i44.photobucket.com
 
2014-01-27 03:37:14 PM

bangmaid: Yeah because everyone WITH Kids is an expert on parenting.



Really? That seems unlikely, but I am extremely gullible.
 
2014-01-27 03:37:56 PM

sigdiamond2000: Sounds like someone took a dump mommybloggermitter's Life Is Good tote bag this morning.


*snert*

Zat vos a good von.

Still. The author is a childless 20-something (who writes for Slate) and probably the last person on earth I'd take parenting advice from.
 
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