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(Bulawayo 24)   Fark-ready headline: "Cops flee from station as family dumps goblin"   (bulawayo24.com) divider line 57
    More: Weird, Tshabalala Police Station, police stations, Bulawayo  
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6479 clicks; posted to Main » on 26 Jan 2014 at 8:42 AM (47 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



57 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-01-26 02:28:47 AM  
I...uh...
 
2014-01-26 08:44:54 AM  
I've dumped some goblins in my time.
 
2014-01-26 08:44:55 AM  

crypticsatellite: I...uh...


ditto
 
2014-01-26 08:46:32 AM  
At least the comments are amusing.
 
das
2014-01-26 08:47:08 AM  
...if ya don't watch out!!
 
2014-01-26 08:48:21 AM  
i.imgur.com
 
2014-01-26 08:49:33 AM  
That's some "meanwhile in Africa" stuff right there.
 
2014-01-26 08:50:54 AM  
3.bp.blogspot.com

Clearly they meant grubbin.
 
2014-01-26 08:52:33 AM  
WTFamIreading.jpg

A couple headlines in the recent articles section look like winners too, such as:

Farmer harvests potatos shaped like male organs.

And "I was jealous that the donkeys were having sex in front of me" - Man kills male donkey.

Journalism at its finest.
 
2014-01-26 08:55:46 AM  
Master has trapped Dobbie in a suitcase! Dobbie is no longer a free elf!
 
2014-01-26 08:56:34 AM  
...And to imagine that for a brief moment, Zimbabwe was actually the wealthiest and most modern country in Africa.

/all cultures are equal
 
2014-01-26 09:00:35 AM  
When I saw 'Bulawayo' in the source, I knew it was going to be good.

Upon examination, I'd say that that site is Fark gold.
 
2014-01-26 09:01:15 AM  
FTFA:  the intelligence that we have gathered suggests that some criminal syndicate could be operating in a similar fashion in an attempt to trick people into parting ways with their money all in the name of cleansing their homes.

No matter where you go, there will always be a thriving business removing money from the ignorant and frightened. In Zimbabwe, they call it "Rid-A-Goblin". In the U.S., we call it the PTL Club.
 
2014-01-26 09:07:11 AM  
There was a story about a year ago of a witch doctor who had a goblin explode as he was trying to destroy it, killing him and the family who paid him to do it and wrecking the neighborhood.

Of course, the process of destroying the "goblin" involved several IEDs, but the witch doctor was a professional and his family will kill you if you question his authority, so it was totally the goblin that did it and not any clumsiness on the part of the witch doctor.

/and we cannot question these noble savages who know more about everything than any scientist could
//because they are more in tune with nature
///and our scientists are really kind of dim, getting killed trying to hug bears and elephants
 
2014-01-26 09:17:57 AM  

Kriggerel: ...And to imagine that for a brief moment, Zimbabwe was actually the wealthiest and most modern country in Africa.

/all cultures are equal


But people who believe in miracles, angels, hell, demonic possession, invisible old white guys living in the sky, etc. are all perfectly reasonable. Right?
 
2014-01-26 09:21:52 AM  
www.utaot.com
 
2014-01-26 09:25:30 AM  

Farking Canuck: Kriggerel: ...And to imagine that for a brief moment, Zimbabwe was actually the wealthiest and most modern country in Africa.

/all cultures are equal

But people who believe in miracles, angels, hell, demonic possession, invisible old white guys living in the sky, etc. are all perfectly reasonable. Right?


I do think it has been some time since an American police station has been evacuated due to someone dropping off a demon in a suitcase.
 
2014-01-26 09:30:45 AM  
Wow the racist came out quick. ...
 
2014-01-26 09:56:55 AM  
I wish my government believed in something harmless, such as suitcase goblins, instead of believing in an invisible man in the sky who wants them to do all kinds of utterly insane shiat.
 
2014-01-26 10:02:49 AM  

freewill: Farking Canuck: Kriggerel: ...And to imagine that for a brief moment, Zimbabwe was actually the wealthiest and most modern country in Africa.

/all cultures are equal

But people who believe in miracles, angels, hell, demonic possession, invisible old white guys living in the sky, etc. are all perfectly reasonable. Right?

I do think it has been some time since an American police station has been evacuated due to someone dropping off a demon in a suitcase.


This story looks similar, except for the whole "believing in goblins and witchcraft" thing.
 
2014-01-26 10:07:59 AM  
It's africa. What do you expect?
 
2014-01-26 10:08:09 AM  
I thought Police stations and Fire houses were safe places for dumping off unwanted goblin's.
 
2014-01-26 10:17:56 AM  

dletter: I thought Police stations and Fire houses were safe places for dumping off unwanted goblin's.


You should always leave a goblin where you found it and call the local bomb squad to safely detonate it on site.
 
2014-01-26 10:20:50 AM  
Some said it looked like am snake with the head of a dog and others said it was a dog with scales like a pangolin.

I prefer my snakes receive FM... Who wants to listen to a snake ranting about politics or UFOs??
 
2014-01-26 10:34:46 AM  
freewill: I do think it has been some time since an American police station has been evacuated due to someone dropping off a demon in a suitcase.

Google "killed in exorcism" and look at the stories from the US. Then tell me how much worse these cowardly cops are.

At least in this Africa case it could have been a rabid animal or other real thing that could cause real harm.
 
2014-01-26 10:34:56 AM  
In other news, I am starting my new band... 'The Suitcase Goblins'...
 
2014-01-26 10:51:06 AM  
" at the Tshabalala Police Station

Couldn't sworn that was in Jersey.
 
2014-01-26 11:01:05 AM  

VladTheEmailer: In other news, I am starting my new band... 'The Suitcase Goblins'...


Get a friend to start a band called "The One-Eyed Wonder Weasels" and have them open for you when you go on tour :D
 
2014-01-26 11:04:22 AM  
A pangolin...
img.fark.net

Meanwhile... in California...
img.fark.net
 
2014-01-26 11:45:31 AM  
Africa?

checks link...

Africa.
 
2014-01-26 11:53:47 AM  

RobSeace: Some said it looked like am snake with the head of a dog and others said it was a dog with scales like a pangolin.

I prefer my snakes receive FM... Who wants to listen to a snake ranting about politics or UFOs??


I lol'd harder than I should have at that. +1 Good sir.
 
2014-01-26 12:04:13 PM  
www.bradmesser.com
Oogity Boogity!
 
2014-01-26 12:26:31 PM  
I hope "Bulawayo" translates to "The Onion".

freewill: I do think it has been some time since an American police station has been evacuated due to someone dropping off a demon in a suitcase.


It was only yesterday that there was a story on Fark about the Gary, Indiana police captain believing a story of demonic possession.
 
2014-01-26 12:33:23 PM  
I feel like this could totally be an episode of Burn Notice.

"When you're dealing with a heavily armed, superstitious community of gang members, going through the front door is suicide.  If you are willing to play INTO their superstitions, you just might get out alive."

Fi, get in the luggage."
 
2014-01-26 12:50:50 PM  
"Mommy, where do racist stereotypes come from?"

"Well honey, they come from a lack of cultural understanding and xenophobia and..." *looks at article in Bulawayo* "...Oh, nevermind!"
 
2014-01-26 12:56:40 PM  

Tatterdemalian: There was a story about a year ago of a witch doctor who had a goblin explode as he was trying to destroy it, killing him and the family who paid him to do it and wrecking the neighborhood.

Of course, the process of destroying the "goblin" involved several IEDs, but the witch doctor was a professional and his family will kill you if you question his authority, so it was totally the goblin that did it and not any clumsiness on the part of the witch doctor.

/and we cannot question these noble savages who know more about everything than any scientist could
//because they are more in tune with nature
///and our scientists are really kind of dim, getting killed trying to hug bears and elephants


He got blown up by an Imp-rovised Explosive Device?
 
2014-01-26 01:08:49 PM  
I'm dumping a goblin right now. Bet it clears the house, too.
 
2014-01-26 01:14:09 PM  

danielscissorhands: "Mommy, where do racist stereotypes come from?"

"Well honey, they come from a lack of cultural understanding and xenophobia and..." *looks at article in Bulawayo* "...Oh, nevermind!"


2/10
 
2014-01-26 01:20:35 PM  

img.fark.net

So these Bottle Goblins are the African version of the Molotov Cocktail?

You know, they still find Witch Bottles in Scotland and England. They are of two types--those designed to curse and those designed to protect the household from witches by reversing the curse. They often contain urine and nails--presumably to cause agony to the victim(s).

They persisted well into the Twentieth Century.

All cultures are a heck of a lot more equal than you may choose to believe.

Some examples:

In my native province of New Brunswick, the last official witch trial was in 1915. Fundamentalists still believe in witchcraft and demons and every time a dead cat or a human head stolen from the cold box where the deceased are kept until the ground is soft enough to dig in the Spring shows up on Halloween it causes a witch or Satanist panic.

Arthur Conan Doyle defended an Irish family in the 1920s as an expert witness on fairies. They had used he traditional remedy against fairy changelings by placing their sick or genetically deformed baby on a hot shovel. The baby died from this exorcism.

Exorcisms--the Roman Catholic Church, Protestant fundamentalists and various cults raging from the supposedly sophistucated Christians, Muslims and Jews to Santeria and Afriican megachurches still kill thousands of children and others with dangerous exorcisms. This is above and beyond ethnic cleansing and witch hunts.

In the US and Canada in the 1980s and 1990s a Satanist panic spread across North America and the UK. Scores of people were accused on the "recovered memories" of Satanic Cult victims and these stories were believed by millions even though they were contradictory and often impossible fabulation created by small children and "psychologists" who were more ignorant and dumb than small children.

If you look at the witch trials and panics of the 1600s, you find elements of "ethnic cleansing" and bigotry that remind you that tens of thousands of people in Europe and other supposedly advanced European societies are ready at the drop of a witch-pricker's stage knife or pin to attack their former friends, family and neighbours, especially when times are hard.

My Puritan ancestors were among both the accused and the accusors in the Salem Witch trials. Some of the accused were very pious and honest people. They sued and won damages after it was all over.

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose. What is happening in Africa is exactly what happened in our own societies when Christianity went on an evangelical and warmongering spree in the 1600s.

I've read a lot on the subject of superstition, but contrary to popular misconception, it is not just for ignorant retards and peasants. The top people (which certainly includes King James I of England and the Reverend Doctor of Divinity Cotton Mather (another distant cousin of mine) are just as bad.

Superstition is a front for old grudges and vendettas, for greed, and for panic and terror when things go wrong. It is scape-goating but not always random scape-goating. The Welsh Catholics were the vicims in England. Jews and homosexuals went to the Auto-da-fe's of Catholic Europe and ethic cleansing has reached the levels of the Medieval period in the former Yugoslavia during our lifetimes.

As African Americans were wont to say not long ago:  same old, same old.
 
2014-01-26 01:20:47 PM  

Smoking GNU: It's africa. What do you expect?


Magical penis abduction, and child rape as the way to cure AIDS, actually. Oh, and let's not forgot stealing food from the starving.
 
2014-01-26 01:29:43 PM  

vicioushobbit: danielscissorhands: "Mommy, where do racist stereotypes come from?"

"Well honey, they come from a lack of cultural understanding and xenophobia and..." *looks at article in Bulawayo* "...Oh, nevermind!"

2/10


Geesh... I wasn't trolling, nor was I being racist. It was a joke. Take a pill, Sir/Maam.
 
2014-01-26 01:32:04 PM  

danielscissorhands: vicioushobbit: danielscissorhands: "Mommy, where do racist stereotypes come from?"

"Well honey, they come from a lack of cultural understanding and xenophobia and..." *looks at article in Bulawayo* "...Oh, nevermind!"

2/10

Geesh... I wasn't trolling, nor was I being racist. It was a joke. Take a pill, Sir/Maam.


That was an honest joke? My apologizes, now I feel bad for you.  Trolling would have made more sense.

(race =/= region, for starters.  You could have left "racial" out and the joke MIGHT have been seen as funny.)
 
2014-01-26 01:39:43 PM  
As a Fortean, I notice that a lot of newspapers seem to continue to enjoy the hoaxes and jokes that were so common in Nineteenth Century small town papers. As for fundamentalists, the African Johnny-come-latelies seem to produce stories of shape-shifting witches and demon animals that would do honour to Chick tracts in their exploitation of improbable moral fables involving drugs, magic and mayhem.

I would say that Bulawayo is probably the African analogue of the Norwegian Aftenposten which is also a major source of nine day wonders. H.L. Mencken was not adverse to a good hoax. He was the author of the famous bathtub hoax (q.v.). Fort's massive collections of anomalies runs mainly to the scientific journals and respected newspapers, but includes numerous examples of tall tales from smaller papers and he probably wrote a fair amount of such filler material when he was a journalist in Brooklyn.

In the contemporary West we have The Onion, which is deadpan, dry satire that often escapes into the Asian press as "true stories" or news. We used to have the Weekly World News (now online only except for a brief selection in The Sun) and many others, most of them owned by American Media Inc. and aimed at the working class grocery store reader but belovèd of many educated people as kitsch, camp, corn and crankery. It is but a shadow of its 911 self since losing its massive photo library and an editor to anthrax terrorism.

What an odd target for domestic terrorism. I still can't fanthom why the WWN and the NYT were joint targets. Maybe they were both such reliable news sources in the minds of the loony right they had to die.
 
2014-01-26 01:41:19 PM  
 
2014-01-26 01:46:33 PM  

upload.wikimedia.org

Bulawayo (1890)


upload.wikimedia.org

Bulawayo (recent)


What is the deal with shopping carts? Is Terry Pratchett right? Are they things from the Dungeon Dimensions, a step in the life cycle of city-killing shopping malls?

You've come a long way, baby!
 
2014-01-26 01:51:23 PM  

brantgoose: [upload.wikimedia.org image 450x640]Bulawayo (1890)
[upload.wikimedia.org image 180x240]Bulawayo (recent)
What is the deal with shopping carts? Is Terry Pratchett right? Are they things from the Dungeon Dimensions, a step in the life cycle of city-killing shopping malls?

You've come a long way, baby!


http://www.amazon.com/Stray-Shopping-Carts-Eastern-America/dp/081095 52 02

Might answer some of your questions.

/I wouldn't know, I haven't read it.
 
2014-01-26 02:43:47 PM  

vicioushobbit: danielscissorhands: vicioushobbit: danielscissorhands: "Mommy, where do racist stereotypes come from?"

"Well honey, they come from a lack of cultural understanding and xenophobia and..." *looks at article in Bulawayo* "...Oh, nevermind!"

2/10

Geesh... I wasn't trolling, nor was I being racist. It was a joke. Take a pill, Sir/Maam.

That was an honest joke? My apologizes, now I feel bad for you.  Trolling would have made more sense.

(race =/= region, for starters.  You could have left "racial" out and the joke MIGHT have been seen as funny.)


So what your saying is African stereotypes are justified, just not African-American stereotypes. You racist!

2/10

Jk. I understand your point. But it's semantics really. You knew what I meant.
 
2014-01-26 02:44:34 PM  
What you're saying, rather. Not your.
 
2014-01-26 03:21:27 PM  

danielscissorhands: vicioushobbit: danielscissorhands: vicioushobbit: danielscissorhands: "Mommy, where do racist stereotypes come from?"

"Well honey, they come from a lack of cultural understanding and xenophobia and..." *looks at article in Bulawayo* "...Oh, nevermind!"

2/10

Geesh... I wasn't trolling, nor was I being racist. It was a joke. Take a pill, Sir/Maam.

That was an honest joke? My apologizes, now I feel bad for you.  Trolling would have made more sense.

(race =/= region, for starters.  You could have left "racial" out and the joke MIGHT have been seen as funny.)

So what your saying is African stereotypes are justified, just not African-American stereotypes. You racist!

2/10

Jk. I understand your point. But it's semantics really. You knew what I meant.


The burden of funny is on the jokester, sir.
 
2014-01-26 04:48:29 PM  

Farty McPooPants: [www.bradmesser.com image 423x318]
Oogity Boogity!


OMG, between your name and that comment, I just blew my coffee out my nose. Congrats!!!!
 
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