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(Entertainment Weekly)   Malkovich. Arrrrrrrrr. Malkovich. Arrrrrrrr. Malkovich. Arrrrrrrr. Malkovich. Arrrrrrrr. Malkovich. Arrrrrrrr. Malkovich. Arrrrrrrr. Malkovich. Arrrrrrrr. Malkovich. Arrrrrrrr   (insidetv.ew.com) divider line 29
    More: Interesting, Walter Parkes, Robert Louis Stevenson, Blackbeard, New Providence, David Slade, Laurie MacDonald, Treasure Island, Golden Age of Piracy  
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7622 clicks; posted to Entertainment » on 26 Jan 2014 at 11:04 AM (29 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



29 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-01-26 11:21:48 AM
It's gotta be better than last night's "Black Sails". I gave it a shot, but they started losing me at Blackbeard. It was like a bad pirate themed bodice ripper. Anyone watch it all the way through?
 
2014-01-26 11:37:49 AM
Did you even watch the Blackbeard scene? More like blackbush and I think it was tongue in cheek when they said they were going to see him.
 
2014-01-26 11:42:40 AM
Yes, I watched it up to the point where the British authorities were killed. Just didn't grab me. So are you saying it is worth revisiting? I had high hopes for something to fill the "Breaking Bad" gap.
 
ecl
2014-01-26 11:51:39 AM
He's the Hams Ham.  A picnic Ham.  GALBATORIX!!!!
 
2014-01-26 12:10:57 PM
Neil Cross is behind this? Count me in. Luther is one of the best police shows in recent memory. NBC certainly doesn't skimp on showing ultra violence like it used to,so that shouldn't be an issue.
 
2014-01-26 12:22:31 PM
He was great in that jewel theif movie.
 
2014-01-26 12:36:09 PM

freetomato: Yes, I watched it up to the point where the British authorities were killed. Just didn't grab me. So are you saying it is worth revisiting? I had high hopes for something to fill the "Breaking Bad" gap.


That's quite a large gap to expect any show to fill.
 
2014-01-26 12:55:06 PM
RE: Black Sails, I haven't seen it yet, but if it's anything like Spartacus, I'll have to give 2-3 episodes a chance before passing judgement.  Starz appears to have a habit of starting slow...
 
2014-01-26 12:55:36 PM
Yeah, Black Sails was passably amusing for what it was, but seeing who its producer is, I don't expect anything more than temporary amusement from it.
 
2014-01-26 01:27:38 PM
Abeam John Malkovich?
 
2014-01-26 01:55:32 PM

Nefarious: freetomato: Yes, I watched it up to the point where the British authorities were killed. Just didn't grab me. So are you saying it is worth revisiting? I had high hopes for something to fill the "Breaking Bad" gap.

That's quite a large gap to expect any show to fill.


Especially any kind of hammed up period drama.
 
2014-01-26 02:18:30 PM
Malkovich for Blackbeard? Really? Teach was 35 in 1715- JM is 60. It's a moot point if he pulls it off, but that's a stretch from the get go.
 
2014-01-26 02:41:00 PM

DeathByGeekSquad: RE: Black Sails, I haven't seen it yet, but if it's anything like Spartacus, I'll have to give 2-3 episodes a chance before passing judgement.  Starz appears to have a habit of starting slow...


This. I haven't seen it yet, but I'm going to give it the benefit of the doubt. That first season of Spartacus was terrible through the first 4-5 episodes of Season 1, but it really redeemed itself the latter half of the season.

Starz definitely has a problem hitting the ground running with their original programming.
 
2014-01-26 04:00:38 PM
There were other pirates, people.

Why is it always about Blackbeard and never about Kidd?!
 
2014-01-26 04:50:30 PM

ZeroCorpse: There were other pirates, people.

Why is it always about Blackbeard and never about Kidd?!


How about Roberts? (That's Bartholomew, not Dread Pirate)

He's considered the most successful pirate of his time, and became a pirate after the ship he was on was taken by pirates and he was forced to join them. Later saying "a merry life and a short one shall be my motto".

There are a shiatton of cool pirates, not just Blackbeard. Though Blackbeard supposedly did get a pardon and own some land in NC for a while, before deciding high society didn't fit him well and going back to piracy. A really cool time period with lots of interesting people.

Oh, they're also bringing up what's believed to be the Queen Anne's Revenge. They'll have some of Blackbeard's cannons in a museum soonish.

Last note, they don't even make any good pirate video games anymore. There was this game called Sea Dogs a really long time ago that was an awesome pirate game, but Sea Dogs 2 got bought out and ruined when Pirates of the Carribean was a big thing.
 
2014-01-26 04:54:01 PM

Eddie Ate Dynamite: Last note, they don't even make any good pirate video games anymore. There was this game called Sea Dogs a really long time ago that was an awesome pirate game, but Sea Dogs 2 got bought out and ruined when Pirates of the Carribean was a big thing.


Play Assassin's Creed 4. It's set in the same area and time period as the TV series (Blackbeard is a prominent character, for instance, and you fight alongside him when he dies) and makes piracy a f*cking blast.
 
2014-01-26 05:16:09 PM

Incorrigible Astronaut: Eddie Ate Dynamite: Last note, they don't even make any good pirate video games anymore. There was this game called Sea Dogs a really long time ago that was an awesome pirate game, but Sea Dogs 2 got bought out and ruined when Pirates of the Carribean was a big thing.

Play Assassin's Creed 4. It's set in the same area and time period as the TV series (Blackbeard is a prominent character, for instance, and you fight alongside him when he dies) and makes piracy a f*cking blast.


upload.wikimedia.org

Is best pirate game.
 
mhd
2014-01-26 05:23:29 PM

fusillade762: Is best pirate game.


I'm not going to take your insolence sitting down!
 
2014-01-26 09:56:06 PM

DeathByGeekSquad: RE: Black Sails, I haven't seen it yet, but if it's anything like Spartacus, I'll have to give 2-3 episodes a chance before passing judgement.  Starz appears to have a habit of starting slow...


This.

I was sort of bored, actually but I've seen most of the Starz shows and know they usually start rough.  Plus I have nothing to watch while drinking on Saturday nights.
 
2014-01-26 10:38:15 PM

freetomato: Yes, I watched it up to the point where the British authorities were killed. Just didn't grab me. So are you saying it is worth revisiting? I had high hopes for something to fill the "Breaking Bad" gap.


True detective has been promising.
 
2014-01-26 11:27:27 PM

fusillade762: Incorrigible Astronaut: Eddie Ate Dynamite: Last note, they don't even make any good pirate video games anymore. There was this game called Sea Dogs a really long time ago that was an awesome pirate game, but Sea Dogs 2 got bought out and ruined when Pirates of the Carribean was a big thing.

Play Assassin's Creed 4. It's set in the same area and time period as the TV series (Blackbeard is a prominent character, for instance, and you fight alongside him when he dies) and makes piracy a f*cking blast.

[upload.wikimedia.org image 758x1079]

Is best pirate game.


...I want to play it.
 
2014-01-27 09:38:21 AM

Eddie Ate Dynamite: There are a shiatton of cool pirates, not just Blackbeard.


I know what you mean, but I keep hearing the one actor from Black Sails saying the same thing..."the only thing cooler than sex drugs and R&R is pirates".  Let's be real for a second.

Pirates were a lot of things...."interesting"..."gripping"....and a host of other words.  But cool?  This one passage from RLS's Treasure Island sums it up.  Pirates were evil cutthroats...wicked to the extreme.  The Errol Flynn/Tyrone Power pirate with a good, noble heart...?  If you encountered pirates it's doubtful you'd meet someone like that.

His stories were what frightened people worst of all. Dreadful stories they were--about hanging, and walking the plank, and storms at sea, and the Dry Tortugas, and wild deeds and places on the Spanish Main. By his own account he must have lived his life among some of the wickedest men that God ever allowed upon the sea, and the language in which he told these stories shocked our plain country people almost as much as the crimes that he described. to the extreme."

/but they make for good action and adventure on film
 
2014-01-27 10:00:25 AM
I've been reading Republic of Pirates by Colin Woodard, the book this guy mentions that he based Crossbones on. If you like Assassin's Creed 4: Black Flag or any of these pirate shows, it's a good read. I thought pirates were evil terrorists who raped and murdered everyone but it turns out most of them were just rebelling against England.
 Anyways, it's fun to know the real story of what happened and compare all these new pirate shows to the real thing.
 
2014-01-27 11:19:54 AM

Slybri: I thought pirates were evil terrorists who raped and murdered everyone but it turns out most of them were just rebelling against England.


Hmm...I may stand to be corrected.

But what did they do with the captives from a seized ship?  Some were forced into piracy as has been documented.  What about the ones who didn't join?  And what about any women?  I'd wager things didn't go so well for female captives, unless a very large ranson was guaranteed.

Also, weren't a lot of pirates tolerated by the various governments as long as they attacked ships from different countries?  I seem to recall reading that the British monarchy turned a blind eye to pirates that attacked Spanish ships.

I saw a documentary on Edward Teach a couple years back, and they sure depicted him as an evil sociopath.  True, he married and attempted to go straight...but according to the doc, his wife publicly ridiculed him for wearing stockings to bed, and he was so enraged he gave her to his crew to do whatever they wanted.  There was no mention of what became of her, but it doesn't appear to be pleasant.

The real truth is probably somewhere in between.  Although modern pirates have shown themselves to be pretty nasty.  And many witnesses to historical pirate attacks never lived to report back...dead men tell no tales, y'now.   I'd wager they were people you'd rather not encounter.
 
2014-01-27 01:46:41 PM

ristst: But cool?


Yes, cool! Cool like Darth Vader is cool.  "Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats."

ristst: weren't a lot of pirates tolerated by the various governments


Not just tolerated, but encouraged. Letters of marque were granted to pirates (privateers), giving them legal authority to attack an enemy nation's vessels. It's only when some scoundrel would attack ships of their home nation, all nations, or had no letter that they were so reviled.

ristst: his wife publicly ridiculed him for wearing stockings to bed


I'm not apologizing for Blackbeard here, but let's step back and look at the situation realistically. Blackbeard was a pirate. He was granted a pardon and tried to go straight and fit into upper-class society. That's a pretty tough thing to do when you're used to spending your days at sea raping and pillaging. The rules of etiquette are a bit different. He's used to being a big badass or whatever, and you've got these little poofters giggling at him and making snide comments about how his socks don't have the right type of lace or he doesn't extend his pinky enough when he's sipping his tea.

And one of those little biatches talking shiat about him, publicly no less, was his own wife. At a time when women were typically quite subservient to the master of the household, and given the man in question...I'm not saying what he did was right, but I can understand. It'd be hard to sit there and take that kind of shiat when you could have several crews of cutthroats and a couple of ships ready to go pirating at the drop of a hat.

If you've got a pit-bull trained to fight sitting quietly in your living room, you don't yank on his tail and then act surprised when he bites you.
 
2014-01-27 02:23:25 PM

Eddie Ate Dynamite: ristst: But cool?

Yes, cool! Cool like Darth Vader is cool.  "Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats."


Haha...excellent post!  I do understand...cool kinda like "To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women."

Still...people to be avoided at all costs.  Cool just isn't the term I personally attribute to them.  I tend to believe they were farkin' brutal when they wanted to be....they'd slit ya from neck to nuts and feed ya to the sharks without a second thought.

Although from what I've read, some aspects of pirate life were actually better than serving in the royal navy, which was no walk in the park.

Picard:  "Just imagine what it was like Number One. No engines. No computers. Just the wind and the sea and the stars to guide you."
Riker:  "Bad food.  Brutal discipline.  NO WOMEN."
 
2014-01-27 07:25:47 PM

Stile4aly: He was great in that jewel theif movie.


Came here for this..

/Leaving satisfied!
//Malkovich, think fast!
 
2014-01-27 10:00:48 PM

ristst: Eddie Ate Dynamite: There are a shiatton of cool pirates, not just Blackbeard.

I know what you mean, but I keep hearing the one actor from Black Sails saying the same thing..."the only thing cooler than sex drugs and R&R is pirates".  Let's be real for a second.

Pirates were a lot of things...."interesting"..."gripping"....and a host of other words.  But cool?  This one passage from RLS's Treasure Island sums it up.  Pirates were evil cutthroats...wicked to the extreme.  The Errol Flynn/Tyrone Power pirate with a good, noble heart...?  If you encountered pirates it's doubtful you'd meet someone like that.

His stories were what frightened people worst of all. Dreadful stories they were--about hanging, and walking the plank, and storms at sea, and the Dry Tortugas, and wild deeds and places on the Spanish Main. By his own account he must have lived his life among some of the wickedest men that God ever allowed upon the sea, and the language in which he told these stories shocked our plain country people almost as much as the crimes that he described. to the extreme."

/but they make for good action and adventure on film


TI is a work of fiction, published in 1883.

Just for reference, the heyday of piracy was 1660 - 1730.

I would hardly call Stevenson an authority, giving he was writing 150 years after the era of carribean piracy.
 
2014-01-28 12:04:22 AM

Elegy: TI is a work of fiction, published in 1883.

Just for reference, the heyday of piracy was 1660 - 1730.

I would hardly call Stevenson an authority, giving he was writing 150 years after the era of carribean piracy.


Good grief...I wasn't citing the guy as any kind of authority, the quote is extremely general...although it gets the point across.  But just for posterity:, the quote said

a) hanging - I'm sure there were hangings on pirate ships...ALL ships back then.
b) walking the plank - it's a safe bet that pirates tossed people overboard.  I don't know the number. But it did happen.
c) storms at sea - were there storms at sea back then?
d) the Dry Tortugas - any parts of the Tortugas dry?  I'll have to search...but probably.
e) wild deeds and places on the Spanish Main - again, I'm sure there were a few.

So why all the "you don't know wtf you're saying?"  I'm just saying it's likely that pirates could be nasty people. What's to argue with that?
 
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