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(Slate)   You cannot get a decent cup of coffee in France   (slate.com) divider line 87
    More: Obvious, Vancouver, Canada, French capital  
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7249 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Jan 2014 at 10:12 PM (12 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



87 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-01-25 10:15:03 PM
Da fuq? The best way to make coffee at home is called a French Press. Lies, all lies!
 
2014-01-25 10:15:05 PM
So we can ignore the French guy's comments about American coffee in the American attempt at Godzilla?
 
2014-01-25 10:15:49 PM
French taste buds surrender to bad coffee.
 
2014-01-25 10:19:13 PM
Yeah, and not only is the coffee shiat, you have to pick that little white flag out of every cup.

/DNRTFA
//French surrender jokes are the low-hangingest of low-hanging fruit
 
2014-01-25 10:19:28 PM
There is no such thing as a good cup of coffee.

/pours boiling water over a bag of tea.
 
2014-01-25 10:19:59 PM
You can get a good cup of coffee almost anywhere in Paris. The odd thing is that in a country with around a million different cheeses, the only one served everywhere is Emmenthal.
 
2014-01-25 10:20:05 PM
Well it is true, because I don't plan on going to France and I don't drink coffee.

What would I ever do?
 
2014-01-25 10:21:08 PM
And people think Starbucks is decent coffee?
 
2014-01-25 10:22:51 PM

Trocadero: Da fuq? The best way to make coffee at home is called a French Press. Lies, all lies!


I have a press and can't be bothered with these issues before I am fully caffeinated.
Stnd in line for coffee in the morning?
Fhhhuk uuu.
 
2014-01-25 10:23:39 PM
Hairy armpits, bad coffee, dick-shaped bread and surrender.

Sign me up.
 
2014-01-25 10:24:40 PM
When my brother was living in Paris, he asked me what I wanted for Christmas, and half jokingly I asked for a French Press. He informed me they all drink espresso nowadays, which I later observed for myself when I went to visit. Oddly enough, you can still go to a grocery store and buy Nescafe.

France historically hasn't been known for its good coffee. Supposedly the well known "French roast" came to exist because they couldn't get good beans, and had to roast them so dark that nobody would notice.
 
2014-01-25 10:26:11 PM

lordjupiter: Hairy armpits, bad coffee, dick-shaped bread and surrender.

Sign me up.


You don't eat spotted dick for dessert? Thank a Frenchman.
 
2014-01-25 10:26:39 PM

Trocadero: Da fuq? The best way to make coffee at home is called a French Press. Lies, all lies!


Ah, but the cafes use Braun automatics with half the proper load.

A call center I worked at had Braun automatics plumbed in and the coffee was excellent when I popped two Folgers prepacks in.
 
2014-01-25 10:33:05 PM

Oldiron_79: There is no such thing as a good cup of coffee.

/pours boiling water over a bag of tea.


There's good tea. It does not come in bags.

Also, yes, French people make terrible coffee. They roast the beans until the natural flavors are destroyed and then pull crappy shots of espresso.
 
2014-01-25 10:37:02 PM
img.fark.net
They got some coffee,
Eatin' right through the cup,
An' when you go ka-ka
They make you stand up

/Never try to get your peter sucked in France
 
2014-01-25 10:40:49 PM

wildcardjack: Trocadero: Da fuq? The best way to make coffee at home is called a French Press. Lies, all lies!

Ah, but the cafes use Braun automatics with half the proper load.

A call center I worked at had Braun automatics plumbed in and the coffee was excellent when I popped two Folgers prepacks in.


OK, I was starting to wonder how you could overextract coffee using an automatic drip machine. The amount of grounds is really the only user-controlled variable. You'd think they could just follow the directions on the side of the coffee bag... or more likely the can, if they're not big on quality.
 
2014-01-25 10:47:50 PM

skinink: And people think Starbucks is decent coffee?


I drink Starbucks because it's convenient. Heavy on dairy, heavy on sugar.
 
2014-01-25 10:51:00 PM

PolyHatSnake: Yeah, and not only is the coffee shiat, you have to pick that little white flag out of every cup.

/DNRTFA
//French surrender jokes are the low-hangingest of low-hanging fruit



You know who else liked low-hanging fruit...
 
2014-01-25 10:51:04 PM
Let's get things out of the way:

- The so-called "French Press" was confidential, at best, in France, before being popularized by foreign brands (Bodum, etc.).

- Traditionally, coffee made at home is either drip coffee (like in the US) or instant coffee (we love our Nescafe). However, coffee at the restaurant / cafe is almost universally espresso-style. Pretty much no cafe serves brewed coffee.

- I don't understand where the "French roast" meme comes from. Home-brewed coffee is often had black, without milk (though with much sugar), and as such is mild-roast by US standards. It took me a while to understand that US coffee simply requires milk to be drinkable.

- "Over-extracted"? "Bitter"? Coming from the land of charcoal-burnt coffee a la Starbucks, that's a bit rich.

- The article does have a point though: Italian standards are much higher. The espresso I had at a dodgy highway rest stop in Italy beats anything I tried in the US or in France.
 
2014-01-25 10:56:18 PM
By the way, this is my new favorite coffee maker:

ecx.images-amazon.com

Made in Japan, and it takes a lot of time, but not bitter at all.
 
2014-01-25 10:58:34 PM

Alone in the Snark: Let's get things out of the way:

- The so-called "French Press" was confidential, at best, in France, before being popularized by foreign brands (Bodum, etc.).

- Traditionally, coffee made at home is either drip coffee (like in the US) or instant coffee (we love our Nescafe). However, coffee at the restaurant / cafe is almost universally espresso-style. Pretty much no cafe serves brewed coffee.

- I don't understand where the "French roast" meme comes from. Home-brewed coffee is often had black, without milk (though with much sugar), and as such is mild-roast by US standards. It took me a while to understand that US coffee simply requires milk to be drinkable.

- "Over-extracted"? "Bitter"? Coming from the land of charcoal-burnt coffee a la Starbucks, that's a bit rich.

- The article does have a point though: Italian standards are much higher. The espresso I had at a dodgy highway rest stop in Italy beats anything I tried in the US or in France.

 
2014-01-25 11:07:00 PM
Wapcaplet:

/Never try to get your peter sucked in France

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

So much this!
 
2014-01-25 11:07:46 PM
My coffee maker. Grind up some GMCR beans and it's good to go.

i63.photobucket.com
 
2014-01-25 11:08:22 PM
They got this mystery blowjob that'll turn your peter green.
 
2014-01-25 11:26:09 PM
Many years ago I worked at IBM in Montpelier. They had really, really good coffee in their vending machine.
 
2014-01-25 11:32:54 PM
I don't drink a lot of hot coffee. I'm perfectly happy with my Keurig. I have a cup, then I'm done.

Actually, I prefer to use the Keurig to brew cold coffee. I make a concentrated chocolate milk mix in a bottle, and then I brew on the smallest setting right into the bottle. I cap it, shake it, and refrigerate it. The next day I have my iced mocha all ready to grab and go.
 
2014-01-25 11:34:42 PM
Wapcaplet: RE:  They got some coffee,
Eatin' right through the cup,
An' when you go ka-ka
They make you stand up

/Never try to get your peter sucked in France.


Wee wee!



http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CM_lXwJpZCg
 
2014-01-25 11:39:52 PM
I like my women like I like my coffee.


Regular, please.
 
2014-01-25 11:51:59 PM
First world problems
 
2014-01-25 11:52:00 PM
 
2014-01-25 11:52:49 PM

ZeroCorpse: I don't drink a lot of hot coffee. I'm perfectly happy with my Keurig. I have a cup, then I'm done.

Actually, I prefer to use the Keurig to brew cold coffee. I make a concentrated chocolate milk mix in a bottle, and then I brew on the smallest setting right into the bottle. I cap it, shake it, and refrigerate it. The next day I have my iced mocha all ready to grab and go.


Keurigs are great. When I don't feel like a cup of coffee, I can just use it to make hot water for my tea.
 
2014-01-25 11:53:25 PM
Of course you can't get good coffee in France. Muslims avoid caffeine.
 
2014-01-25 11:56:19 PM

Alone in the Snark: Coming from the land of charcoal-burnt coffee a la Starbucks, that's a bit rich.


Only soccer moms and morons like starbucks.  It's not our fault you don't know how to tell the difference between that shiat and a decent coffee house.
 
2014-01-26 12:00:11 AM
There's no drip brewed coffee as we North Americans know it in Italy or Greece. There's americanos or nescafe instant coffee and everything else is espresso, cappuccino, or turkish style.
 
2014-01-26 12:00:30 AM

Kahabut: Alone in the Snark: Coming from the land of charcoal-burnt coffee a la Starbucks, that's a bit rich.

Only soccer moms and morons like starbucks.  It's not our fault you don't know how to tell the difference between that shiat and a decent coffee house.


I'm sure that convenience stores and other places sell a lot more and generally better/cheaper/lighter roast coffee than Starbucks, they're just unsung.
 
2014-01-26 12:14:41 AM
To the article writer: Paris != France.
 
2014-01-26 12:16:06 AM

itcamefromschenectady: Kahabut: Alone in the Snark: Coming from the land of charcoal-burnt coffee a la Starbucks, that's a bit rich.

Only soccer moms and morons like starbucks.  It's not our fault you don't know how to tell the difference between that shiat and a decent coffee house.

I'm sure that convenience stores and other places sell a lot more and generally better/cheaper/lighter roast coffee than Starbucks, they're just unsung.


If I buy coffee outside my house, it's from Dutch Brothers.  It's not excellent coffee, but it's not bad either.

There are a couple of local restaurants that I don't mind ordering coffee from, but not that many.
 
2014-01-26 12:24:57 AM
I roast my own in a Poppery air popcorn popper I paid $2 for a garage sale years ago. I grind the roasted beans in an inherited Magic Bullet. I brew it in a Melitta drip-brew carafe that I paid $9 for on Amazon.com

$10 start up costs and I'm drinking the best coffee I've ever had.

I also cold brew--1 Cup of coarse commercial coffee to 3 Cups filtered water in a quart jar, stir well, refrigerate and stir occassionally for 24 hours, strain, cut with water to fill jar. I stir in some dark chocolate cocoa and some sugar. Refrigerate.

Oh my. Ice, half milk, half coffee, whip cream on top, fresh ground nutmeg, a tiny pinch of cocoa, a tiny pinch of ground coffee and a straw. Amen
 
2014-01-26 12:26:04 AM
I couldn't hear the question .. I was absorbed pausing over the cheese plate ..

hipparis.com
 
2014-01-26 12:26:21 AM

Alone in the Snark: Let's get things out of the way:

- The so-called "French Press" was confidential, at best, in France, before being popularized by foreign brands (Bodum, etc.).

- Traditionally, coffee made at home is either drip coffee (like in the US) or instant coffee (we love our Nescafe). However, coffee at the restaurant / cafe is almost universally espresso-style. Pretty much no cafe serves brewed coffee.

- I don't understand where the "French roast" meme comes from. Home-brewed coffee is often had black, without milk (though with much sugar), and as such is mild-roast by US standards. It took me a while to understand that US coffee simply requires milk to be drinkable.

- "Over-extracted"? "Bitter"? Coming from the land of charcoal-burnt coffee a la Starbucks, that's a bit rich.

- The article does have a point though: Italian standards are much higher. The espresso I had at a dodgy highway rest stop in Italy beats anything I tried in the US or in France.


I am Colombian who was born and raised in New Orleans.  Who also have had the pleasure of working on coffee farms that my Colombian family owns.

Nescafe, Nestle is a Swiss company, not an American one.

Louisiana people drink dark roast, Community, which is Arabica beans which are roasted dark, but not burned.

Though in Louisiana people drink cafe au lait, many drink the dark roasted without milk.

Oh by the way, New Orleans has more Italians than you can shake a stick at.
 
2014-01-26 12:27:43 AM
So the "French Roast" I've been drinking is shiat coffee?
 
2014-01-26 12:34:59 AM

Tony_Pepperoni: So the "French Roast" I've been drinking is shiat coffee?


Not necessarily. It's like a fine prime ribeye that's cooked well done.
 
2014-01-26 12:42:48 AM
I think it's cool that I can pretend to be an expert since I was in Paris this summer, have 30 bags of coffee at home, use a french press and just bought an AeroPress.

Anyways, I drink my coffee as strong as possible with no cream or sugar.  When I was in Paris I always ordered espresso.  I thought it was fine but not in better than my caribbean coffee beans.  Also, we stayed in high end hotels throughout Europe and every single one had Nescafe instant coffee in it.  I have to admit, when I came back to the states I bought a packet of Nescafe to use for emergencies when I have crappy coffee (i'm talking about you Crown Plazas and Aloft!) in the room.

I also love my french press but after reading about the AeroPress I wanted to see if I can make an even better and richer cup of coffee.  I am patiently waiting for it to be delivered.  Living on an island it takes some time.

Lastly, while my favorite coffee is Santo Domingo from the Dominican Republic I will admit I buy a suitcase of coffee in San Juan every 3 months.  Their coffees are so much cheaper and fresher than what I can get in the Virgin Islands.  I have tried many kinds of coffee and even bought some in every country I visited over the summer in Europe.  I still like my Caribbean coffees the best.  Now, I just need to get that espresso brewed without a several hundred dollar espresso machine.
 
2014-01-26 12:47:04 AM
You can't get ice cubes either....
 
2014-01-26 12:49:40 AM

Trocadero: Tony_Pepperoni: So the "French Roast" I've been drinking is shiat coffee?

Not necessarily. It's like a fine prime ribeye that's cooked well done.


I see...
 
2014-01-26 01:00:44 AM
It is also my understanding that French people smell bad, have frog-like faces, and are prone to surrendering. I have heard that they are hairy, infidelitous, smoke cigarettes constantly, and are fond of wine, cheese, escargot, and frog's legs. They enjoy mimes, Jerry Lewis, and sticking their tongues inside of other people's mouths. Their bread is very long, and they have a very tall tower from which someone once fell. Also, Napoleon was short, and guillotines cut people's heads off. I guess you could say I'm kind of an expert on all things French. Swearing, for instance, is considered to be the exact same thing as speaking French, and must be pardoned.
 
2014-01-26 01:04:43 AM

theflatline: Alone in the Snark: Let's get things out of the way:

- The so-called "French Press" was confidential, at best, in France, before being popularized by foreign brands (Bodum, etc.).

- Traditionally, coffee made at home is either drip coffee (like in the US) or instant coffee (we love our Nescafe). However, coffee at the restaurant / cafe is almost universally espresso-style. Pretty much no cafe serves brewed coffee.

- I don't understand where the "French roast" meme comes from. Home-brewed coffee is often had black, without milk (though with much sugar), and as such is mild-roast by US standards. It took me a while to understand that US coffee simply requires milk to be drinkable.

- "Over-extracted"? "Bitter"? Coming from the land of charcoal-burnt coffee a la Starbucks, that's a bit rich.

- The article does have a point though: Italian standards are much higher. The espresso I had at a dodgy highway rest stop in Italy beats anything I tried in the US or in France.

I am Colombian who was born and raised in New Orleans.  Who also have had the pleasure of working on coffee farms that my Colombian family owns.

Nescafe, Nestle is a Swiss company, not an American one.

Louisiana people drink dark roast, Community, which is Arabica beans which are roasted dark, but not burned.

Though in Louisiana people drink cafe au lait, many drink the dark roasted without milk.

Oh by the way, New Orleans has more Italians than you can shake a stick at.


I will be in New Orleans this April, and I like shaking sticks. I will have to test out this theory.
 
2014-01-26 01:07:44 AM
I actually found that an interesting read. The thing about France being used to mostly robusta beans cos that's what grew in their colonies rather than arabica was neat to note. Also the thing about companies offering the use of their expensive expresso machines as long as it uses their crap bean product.

/Mostly just wanted to know what connected this story to Vancouver.
//This city takes it's coffee waaaaay too seriously some days.
///Think it's because so many people smoke so much pot around here if we didn't drink copious amounts of coffee to wake ourselves back up nothing would ever get done.
 
2014-01-26 01:15:07 AM

Trocadero: Tony_Pepperoni: So the "French Roast" I've been drinking is shiat coffee?

Not necessarily. It's like a fine prime ribeye that's cooked well done.


I'm cooking ribeyes for dinner tomorrow. I'll make sure not to french roast them.
 
2014-01-26 01:38:50 AM

Tony_Pepperoni: So the "French Roast" I've been drinking is shiat coffee?


I know you didn't mean that literally, but there really is shiat coffee.
 
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