If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Fark)   Give us a quote. Inspirational, pithy, wise, whatever you've got   (fark.com) divider line 441
    More: Survey  
•       •       •

1220 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Jan 2014 at 8:09 PM (30 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



441 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | » | Last | Show all
 
2014-01-25 10:06:54 PM
"Because we do not know when we will die, we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well, and yet, everything only happens in life a certain number of times. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood - an afternoon so deeply a part of your being that you can't even conceive of your life with out it?  Perhaps 4 or 5 times more?  Perhaps not even that.  How many times will you watch the full moon rise?  Perhaps 20, and yet it all seems limitless...."  Paul Boles' "The Sheltering Sky" and on the grave of Brandon Bruce Lee - 1993
 
2014-01-25 10:09:30 PM
When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did -- in his sleep. Not yelling and screaming like the passengers in his car.

 --Jack Handey
 
2014-01-25 10:12:21 PM
"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die." -Mel Brooks
 
2014-01-25 10:12:27 PM
I wouldn't have thought that was counter-intuitive.
 
2014-01-25 10:13:13 PM
Never stick your dick in crazy.
 
2014-01-25 10:14:33 PM
Outside if a dog, a book is mans best friend.
Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read. - Julius Henry "Groucho" Marx

Everyone loves a mermaid, but I can't understand why.
There's not enough woman to make love to, and too much fish to fry. - Julius "Nipsey" Russell

Hmm just noticed first names after 50 years. I must be getting old.
 
2014-01-25 10:15:42 PM
OF a dog, damn.
 
2014-01-25 10:15:54 PM
Don't believe everything you see on the internet.
-Abraham Lincoln
 
2014-01-25 10:15:55 PM
The only thing you truly own is that which cannot be taken without your permission:  your integrity.

Innovate, never imitate -- but don't reinvent the wheel.

/yours truly
 
2014-01-25 10:16:50 PM

The5thElement: Never stick your dick in crazy.


"If crazy is the only thing you can stick your dick in, go ahead. And when she's freaking out... and you feel bad for doing it... come to my office. The company takes most major insurances."  -cowgirl toffee
 
2014-01-25 10:17:32 PM
"The Lord loves a working man."

- Rand Paul
 
2014-01-25 10:18:18 PM
"We're all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you've been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there's no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn't until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems-the ones that make you truly who you are-that we're ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you're looking for. You're looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person-someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, "This is the problem I want to have."

I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.

Let our scars fall in love."

-Galway Kinnell


Also "illegitimi non carborundum." - Vinegar Joe
 
2014-01-25 10:26:07 PM

The5thElement: Never stick your dick in crazy.


You sir, have cracked the code. Enjoy your month of TF and give those TF Discussion bastages a good thrashing.
 
2014-01-25 10:26:26 PM
Never trust a woman or an automatic

J Dillinger
 
2014-01-25 10:28:38 PM
Funny. Idon't  feel tardy

David Lee Roth
 
2014-01-25 10:30:45 PM
Casio hath called her whore!
 
2014-01-25 10:31:03 PM
My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

Rodney Dangerfield
 
2014-01-25 10:34:56 PM
Quid lucrum istic mihi es?*

*What's in it for me? -- Dortmunder family motto
 
2014-01-25 10:39:29 PM
"rick a dicka dicka tick tick tok tok riiiiiing ring a ding ding ring a ding ding  rick a dick rick rick a dick rick ring a ding ding ding dong rim rim rim rim"
Micheal and Mayor
 
2014-01-25 10:40:20 PM
I'd give you a quote.  The problem is, you're going to complain that it's too high.  Then you'll hire someone from China or India who gave you a quote that was literally 1/20th of mine.  That person's going to screw things up royally, at which point you're going to come back and beg me to fix it all. Guess what?  At that point, it's going to cost you 2 - 3 times more, since I have to clean up the mess, re-implement everything and now I have to do it in less than half the time I would have had otherwise.  Plus I'm upping my rate on account of your greed and stupidity.   So, maybe we can skip the formalities, just sign here.

-- MrHappyRotter
 
2014-01-25 10:42:43 PM
Well then, there was this boy whose
Parents made him come directly home
Right after school
And when they went to their church
They shook and lurched all over the church floor
He couldn't quite explain it
They'd always just gone there...
Mmm mmm mmm mmm
Mmm mmm mmm mmm
 
2014-01-25 10:44:02 PM

nekom: Take all that money that we spend on weapons and defence each year, and instead spend it feeding, clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, for ever, in peace. - Rev. Mitch Hedberg




Nothing against Mitch Hedberg, but that was from Bill Hicks.
 
2014-01-25 10:45:24 PM
"There can be no justice so long as laws are absolute".   -- Jean Luc Picard
 
2014-01-25 10:51:13 PM

stu1-1: "There can be no justice so long as laws are absolute".   -- Jean Luc Picard


Which is a terrible rewrite of William Blake's "One law for the lion and ox is oppression"
 
2014-01-25 10:55:11 PM
When you've lost all hope and lost all your dreams,  there's nothing like a campfire, and a can of beans.
 
2014-01-25 10:55:30 PM
By outward show let's not be cheated.
An ass be shown, an ass be treated!

Mom's favorite.
 
2014-01-25 10:57:26 PM
Sex on TV never hurt anyone, unless they fell off.
Kind of dated now with console TVs mostly gone.
 
2014-01-25 10:57:47 PM
This world in arms is not spending money alone.

It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, and the hopes of its children

The cost of one modern heavy bomber is this:A modern brick school in more than 30 cities

It is two electric power plants, each serving a town of 60,000 people

It is 2 fine fully equipped hospitals.

It is some 50 miles of concrete highways.

We pay for a single fighter with half a million bushels of wheat.

We pay for a single destroyer with new homes for more than 8,000 people

This is not a way of life at all, in any true sense.Under the cloud of threatening war, it is humanity hanging from a cross of iron.

Dwight D Eisenhower. Id love to hear what Zombie Ike would have to say about the NSA spying program.
 
2014-01-25 10:58:08 PM
It takes lots of nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it!
 
2014-01-25 10:59:02 PM
Your only as old as the women you feel.
Grandpa.
 
2014-01-25 11:03:36 PM
Threre is no such thing as a free lunch

my mother
 
2014-01-25 11:03:44 PM
Bookmark

-some farker
 
2014-01-25 11:03:49 PM
The door is not an asshole, it doesn't close by itself.  My Dad.
 
2014-01-25 11:05:41 PM
i.ytimg.com

"You're gonna stand there, ownin' a fireworks stand, and tell me you don't have no whistlin' bungholes, no spleen splitters, whisker biscuits, honkey lighters, hoosker doos, hoosker don'ts, cherry bombs, nipsy daisers, with or without the scooter stick, or one single whistlin' kitty chaser?"
 
2014-01-25 11:08:00 PM
cfaithholland.files.wordpress.com

/no idea who said it first...
 
2014-01-25 11:08:23 PM
Always finish sex with a bj.  More fun for him, less clean up for you.

;-) me
 
2014-01-25 11:09:09 PM

baka-san: Never trust a woman or an automatic

J Dillinger


If thats true he was breaking both his rules when he got it, a woman turned him in and he was carrying an automatic when he got shot.
 
2014-01-25 11:11:15 PM

GGracie: Always finish sex with a bj.  More fun for him, less clean up for you.

;-) me


How you doin'?
 
2014-01-25 11:12:35 PM
Deny everything.
 
2014-01-25 11:13:14 PM
If it has tits or tires, it's gonna cause you trouble.
Rand Paul
 
2014-01-25 11:13:46 PM
Beans, Beans, the musical fruit.
 
2014-01-25 11:13:59 PM
Everybody's got a plan, until  they get punched  in the face - Mike Tyson

Stay the fark away from the Po Po - Axl  Rose
 
2014-01-25 11:14:04 PM
nothing good ever came from thinking
 
2014-01-25 11:16:26 PM
I don't remember being born, and I won't remember dying.
 
2014-01-25 11:18:40 PM
"You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you, Peter Pan. That's where I'll be waiting."    Tinkerbell
 
2014-01-25 11:20:49 PM
You sleep like a baby?
You wake up crying every few hours and poop your pants?

Grandpa
 
2014-01-25 11:26:11 PM
In this age, the mere example of non-conformity, the mere refusal to bend the knee to custom, is itself a service. Precisely because the tyranny of opinion is such as to make eccentricity a reproach, it is desirable, in order to break through that tyranny, that people should be eccentric. Eccentricity has always abounded when and where strength of character has abounded; and the amount of eccentricity in a society has generally been proportional to the amount of genius, mental vigor, and moral courage which it contained. That so few now dare to be eccentric, marks the chief danger of the time.
-- John Stuart Mill

And what mjjt posted ...
 
2014-01-25 11:26:31 PM
What's the difference between an invisible, incorporeal, floating dragon who spits heatless fire and no dragon at all?
- C. Sagan


Life is a trial, and you're always guilty.
- Me
 
2014-01-25 11:27:16 PM
Cogito ergo sum ( I think therefore I am)   Rene Descartes

Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum ( I think I think therefore I think I am)  Ambrose Bierce
 
2014-01-25 11:27:26 PM
Nobody will stop me 'cause I'm the true underground messiah. When you come to my show you're going to a war and I'm out for violence, chaos, lawlessness all the way. I don't care about anybody or anything except myself and my mission and your kids out there, if you got kids out there they're gonna be my kids. I'm gonna own those kids. They're gonna do anything that I say.

-- Justin Bieber

 I might go and kick somebody in the head, I might grab a girl and force her to perform oral sex with me. I've had sex on stage with men, women and animals and everything in between.

-- Justin Bieber

You wanna eat my shiat, It's on my fingers for you. Alright, I like a little shiat on my side. Makes me feel so good and smell so lovely. I love diarrhea. So much of it for you here.

-- Justin Bieber
 
Displayed 50 of 441 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »






Report