If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Fark)   Give us a quote. Inspirational, pithy, wise, whatever you've got   (fark.com) divider line 441
    More: Survey  
•       •       •

1224 clicks; posted to Main » on 25 Jan 2014 at 8:09 PM (48 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



441 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | » | Last | Show all
 
2014-01-25 08:55:38 PM  
What's the difference between the federal government and the mafia? One's legally sanctioned.
 
2014-01-25 08:55:47 PM  
We're all here because we ain't all there.
 
2014-01-25 08:55:50 PM  
It is said that the civilized man seeks out good and intelligent company so that by learned discourse he may rise above the savage and closer to God. Personally, however, I like to start the day with a total dickhead to remind me I'm best.

-Mr. E. Blackadder
 
2014-01-25 08:56:15 PM  
I recently ran across this one:
"Quantity has a quality all its own." -- Josef Stalin

I quite like this collection of sayings:
http://www.sjgames.com/illuminati/wisdom.html
 
2014-01-25 08:56:21 PM  

nekom: Take all that money that we spend on weapons and defence each year, and instead spend it feeding, clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, for ever, in peace. - Rev. Mitch Hedberg


Thought that was part of a Bill Hicks quote:

"The world is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. The ride goes up and down, around and around, it has thrills and chills, and it's very brightly colored, and it's very loud, and it's fun for a while. Many people have been on the ride a long time, and they begin to wonder, "Hey, is this real, or is this just a ride?" And other people have remembered, and they come back to us and say, "Hey, don't worry; don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride." And we ... kill those people. "Shut him up! I've got a lot invested in this ride, shut him up! Look at my furrows of worry, look at my big bank account, and my family. This has to be real." It's just a ride. But we always kill the good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok ... But it doesn't matter, because it's just a ride. And we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see all of us as one. Here's what we can do to change the world, right now, to a better ride. Take all that money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for many times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, together, both inner and outer, forever, in peace."
 
2014-01-25 08:56:45 PM  

gameshowhost: "Is this supposed to be some lazy followup to the 'define TFD with a pic/macro' thread? Because it sucks."

~ gameshowhost

 Shia Lebeouf
 
2014-01-25 08:57:03 PM  
When life gets too tense, simplify with one fifth ... puns, math and alcohol together at last.
 
2014-01-25 08:57:06 PM  
"I was told there would be no math..."
 
2014-01-25 08:58:09 PM  
"When in Walmart, do as the Walmartians do."
--JenFromTheWood
 
2014-01-25 08:58:22 PM  
Condoms are the paper plates of farking. They allow you to enjoy a nice meal without all the mess.
 
2014-01-25 08:58:52 PM  
Leave the tough stuff to the so-called experts, because worrying about the tough stuff will only make you get sick and die.
 
2014-01-25 08:59:25 PM  
"Never stick your d*ck in crazy"
Unknown
 
2014-01-25 08:59:26 PM  
Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
~David Dixon, 1998, winning entry of the Haiku Error Messages 21st Challenge by Charlie Varon and Jim Rosenau

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
~Suzie Wagner, 1998, honourable mention
 
2014-01-25 08:59:58 PM  
He learned almost too late that man is a feeling creature... and because of it, the greatest in the universe. He learned too late for himself that men have to find their own way, to make their own mistakes. There can't be any gift of perfection from outside ourselves. And when men seek such perfection... they find only death... fire... loss... disillusionment... the end of everything that's gone forward. Men have always sought an end to the toil and misery, but it can't be given, it has to be achieved. There is hope, but it has to come from inside, from Man himself. - Dr Paul Nelson
 
2014-01-25 09:01:13 PM  
"No one's ever going to believe you." --Bill Murray

"Just you when you think you have all the answers, I change the questions." --Rowdy Roddy Piper
 
2014-01-25 09:01:42 PM  
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn't go away.
--Philip K. Dick
 
2014-01-25 09:02:15 PM  
Gravity always wins.
 
2014-01-25 09:02:19 PM  
i42.tinypic.com
 
2014-01-25 09:02:38 PM  

FrankenPC: What's the difference between the federal government and the mafia? One's legally sanctioned.


facepalm.jpg
 
2014-01-25 09:02:51 PM  
i2.kym-cdn.com
 
2014-01-25 09:02:54 PM  

Mambo Bananapatch: Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
~David Dixon, 1998, winning entry of the Haiku Error Messages 21st Challenge by Charlie Varon and Jim Rosenau

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
~Suzie Wagner, 1998, honourable mention


Yesterday it worked
Today it is not working
Windows is like that
~Margaret Segall, 1998, honorable mention
 
2014-01-25 09:03:02 PM  
"I'll give you $50 to touch my thing behind the bar."

Me, about 20 minutes ago.
 
2014-01-25 09:03:02 PM  
"One fun at a time."
-George Clinton
 
2014-01-25 09:03:12 PM  
"Every man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag and begin slitting throats."
- H. L. Mencken
 
2014-01-25 09:04:35 PM  
"It's better to die on your feet than to live on you knees."
Emiliano Zapata

"Experience is simply the name we give our mistakes."
Oscar Wilde

"True friends stab you in the front."
Oscar Wilde

"Doctrina ignorantia"
Socrates
 
2014-01-25 09:05:03 PM  

CluelessMoron: Nobody ever dies, if they live on within you.

/My mother died last week.
//fark cancer with a rusty chainsaw.  Goddamnit.  fark.



I'm so sorry. Stay strong.
 
2014-01-25 09:05:14 PM  
Apathy Error:  Don't bother striking any key. -- unknown
 
2014-01-25 09:05:40 PM  
i43.tinypic.com
 
2014-01-25 09:06:37 PM  

Glitchwerks: gameshowhost: "Is this supposed to be some lazy followup to the 'define TFD with a pic/macro' thread? Because it sucks."

~ gameshowhost  Shia Lebeouf


touché
 
2014-01-25 09:06:38 PM  
"Life's like a movie...write your own ending." --Kermit the Frog
 
2014-01-25 09:06:47 PM  

hubiestubert: "The true teacher defends his pupils against his own personal influence. He inspires self-trust. He guides their eyes from himself to the spirit that quickens him. He will have no disciples."
--Amos Bronson Alcott


That reminds me of the aphorism If you meet Buddha on the side of the road, kill him."
 
2014-01-25 09:06:59 PM  

TheShavingofOccam123: Someone once asked a French priest who was older than sin (he had lived through WWI, the Great Depression and WWII among other tragedies) what he had learned in all his years of service.

The priest said "There is no such thing as a grownup."


A French priest was asked what he learned in confession, "There is no one very bad, and no one very happy."
 
2014-01-25 09:07:54 PM  
"We are buried beneath the weight of information, which is being confused with knowledge; quantity is being confused with abundance and wealth with happiness.
We are monkeys with money and guns."
― Tom Waits.
 
2014-01-25 09:08:05 PM  
"A person is smart, people are dumb, panicky, dangerous animals and you know it. 1500 years ago, everybody knew the Earth was the center of the universe. 500 years ago, everybody knew the Earth was flat, and 15 minutes ago, you knew that people were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll know tomorrow..." - Agent Kay, Men In Black
 
2014-01-25 09:08:10 PM  

I. R. Rottweiler: A gun is like a plunger. You hope to hell you never need it, but if you need one and don't have it you're screwed.


So a plunger is like a condom?
 
2014-01-25 09:09:36 PM  
i39.tinypic.com
 
2014-01-25 09:09:50 PM  
When I'm paid, I always see the job through.

Who is more foolish -- the fool, or the fool that follows it?

You're a funny guy, Sully.  I like you.  That's why I'm going to kill you last.
 
2014-01-25 09:10:09 PM  
"End quote."
-the last words of Steven Wright.
 
2014-01-25 09:10:21 PM  
Prepare for the worst, hope for the best- expect a platypus
Words to live by
 
2014-01-25 09:10:37 PM  
The likelihood of an occurrence is in direct and inverse proportion to its desirability. -- Murphy
 
2014-01-25 09:11:30 PM  
i44.tinypic.com
 
2014-01-25 09:12:23 PM  
Happiness in life isn't about getting everything you want; its about wanting everything you get.
 
2014-01-25 09:12:30 PM  
i39.tinypic.com
 
2014-01-25 09:13:22 PM  
Money can't buy such thing as a free lunch.
 
2014-01-25 09:13:25 PM  
"Go big or go home...I do both!"
- Me
 
2014-01-25 09:14:20 PM  
i43.tinypic.com
 
2014-01-25 09:16:07 PM  

Mr_Fabulous: CluelessMoron: Nobody ever dies, if they live on within you.

/My mother died last week.
//fark cancer with a rusty chainsaw.  Goddamnit.  fark.


I'm so sorry. Stay strong.


Lost mine last October. If people ask, tell them about her. It will help build your internal narrative and give you closure (even if they glaze over after a while)
 
2014-01-25 09:16:08 PM  
"So I say live and let live. That's my motto. Live and let live. Anyone who can't go along with that, take him outside and shoot the motherfarker. It's a simple philosophy, but it's always worked in our family." - George Carlin
 
2014-01-25 09:16:35 PM  
On Monday mornings, I'm dedicated to the proposition that all men are created jerks.

-H. Allen Smith, journalist, humorist
img.fark.net
 
2014-01-25 09:16:58 PM  
"Where there's a will, there's relatives"

The three most dangerous words in Any language "Citizen, papers please"

Diogenes, having been magically transported through time arrives upon the shores of America.
Hearing of one political parties changes in their fundamental beliefs, Diogenes vows to neither rest or dine until he finds a true "Compassionate Christian Conservative".
His funeral was last week.
Autopsy reports cause of death "exhaustion, exacerbated by complications due to malnutrition"

"If you gotta be one, be a Big Red One". Retired Sgt. First Infantry Division.

TANSTAAFL
 
Displayed 50 of 441 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report