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(WWSB ABC 7)   Quick fire pit etiquette reminder: Roasting marshmallows over the fire = good. Roasting your girlfriend's daughter's face over the fire = bad   (mysuncoast.com) divider line 73
    More: Florida, roasts, girlfriend  
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6615 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Jan 2014 at 6:03 PM (39 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



73 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-01-23 04:49:54 PM  
Oh look....
 
2014-01-23 04:55:27 PM  
You do it your way, subby...I'll do it my way.
 
2014-01-23 05:06:27 PM  
25 year-old boyfriend + dating her for 9 years + adult daughter = The Aristocrats!
 
2014-01-23 05:13:38 PM  
Forget it, Jake. It's Bradenton.
 
2014-01-23 06:06:05 PM  
My girlfriends daughter?

Yeah, that ain't f*cking happening. Sorry, even at 34 I'm not dating anyone with kids.
 
2014-01-23 06:07:21 PM  
static.guim.co.uk
 
2014-01-23 06:07:58 PM  
What was the middle thing again?
 
2014-01-23 06:08:23 PM  
OK, I know this is racist, but...

When did black people start sitting around campfires?
 
2014-01-23 06:08:55 PM  
I think this is the first time I've ever looked at a Fark Florida article and exclaimed out loud "What the fark, Florida".

/you never forget your first
 
2014-01-23 06:10:59 PM  

Gecko Gingrich: 25 year-old boyfriend + dating her for 9 years + adult daughter = The Aristocrats!


And no details on the parentage of the 5 kids in the house at the time.

/of course, they may not know...
 
2014-01-23 06:11:26 PM  
Wow. That Sandusky County cop is really out of control.
 
2014-01-23 06:12:02 PM  

Crass and Jaded Mother Farker: When did black people start sitting around campfires?



Sweet Brown thought somebody was barbecuin'

/aintnobodygotimefordat!
 
2014-01-23 06:12:36 PM  
This almost happened to me a few months back. I was working on a ladder in the barn and it came out from under me. I fell about 9 ft right down and landed on my feet, then went down on all four from the pain. Looked up and my face was a few inches from the wood stove. No broken bones in the foot but it has yet to fully heal.
 
2014-01-23 06:14:57 PM  
Nuthin but mutton
 
2014-01-23 06:15:54 PM  
And while Randolph was not known to be a violent person, this isn't the first time he's gotten physical with Coston. "In the past nine years, this is the fourth time. But it's the first time to this extreme."

What the hell WOULD you call a violent person, then??
 
2014-01-23 06:20:15 PM  
When asked why she stayed with him after the pervious altercations, Coston answered: "It's simply out of love."

Ladies (and gentlemen), if you ever find yourself thinking along these lines, smack yourself upside the head and get the hell out of Dodge. Nobody who loves you will ever hit you, under any circumstances. Parents (to a point) and accidents excepted.
 
2014-01-23 06:21:44 PM  
Everybody have have fun tonight
everybody in this m*****f***** gonna burn tonight!


Love that song
 
2014-01-23 06:23:41 PM  
I wonder if he will be a giver or taker in prison?
 
2014-01-23 06:23:57 PM  
Was that wrong?  Should I not have done that?
 
2014-01-23 06:24:29 PM  

DAHFreedom: [static.guim.co.uk image 460x276]


Came for this.
 
2014-01-23 06:25:06 PM  

wild9: This almost happened to me a few months back. I was working on a ladder in the barn and it came out from under me. I fell about 9 ft right down and landed on my feet, then went down on all four from the pain. Looked up and my face was a few inches from the wood stove. No broken bones in the foot but it has yet to fully heal.


It's not fire, but a few years back I was working on my bike, with my face about an inch from the tire, when I saw movement out of the corner of my eye.

There, on the tire, no more than 1" from my right cheek, was a brown recluse... And it was twitching, as if irritated by my proximity.

I managed to back away slowly and then (because I don't kill spiders) captured it in a coffee can and released it in the woods... But I still get chills thinking about how close I was to a terrible fate. If you haven't seen what a brown recluse bite does to human skin, I don't recommend looking it up unless you have a strong stomach. It's horrible. Necrosis on a large scale.

To put it delicately, a brown recluse bite in the face would, at the very least, make me look like an extra from The Walking Dead.
 
2014-01-23 06:25:45 PM  

Crass and Jaded Mother Farker: OK, I know this is racist, but...

When did black people start sitting around campfires?


You kidding? The best camping trips I ever went on were with this pair of Brothers who seriously knew how to camp. They had it down to a science. Everything, the cooking, setting up the campsite, the giant tarps over the camp, rolling the fattest doobs I've ever seen anyone roll by hand, etc etc etc. They showed me how to make coffee with an old sock and how to manufacture a camp stove out of a beer can. They could also skin and dress a deer in about 5 minutes.

Miss those guys a lot.
 
2014-01-23 06:27:26 PM  

Jument: When asked why she stayed with him after the pervious altercations, Coston answered: "It's simply out of love."

Ladies (and gentlemen), if you ever find yourself thinking along these lines, smack yourself upside the head and get the hell out of Dodge. Nobody who loves you will ever hit you, under any circumstances. Parents (to a point) and accidents excepted.


what about consensual adult activities?
 
2014-01-23 06:29:00 PM  
Anti-psychotics in the public water supply is sounding better all the time.
 
2014-01-23 06:30:20 PM  

berylman: Anti-psychotics in the public water supply is sounding better all the time.


The dog told me to tell you we're on a well, mother farker.
 
2014-01-23 06:32:04 PM  

berylman: Anti-psychotics in the public water supply is sounding better all the time.


simplyamericandotnet.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-01-23 06:33:03 PM  
Deathfrogg: They showed me how to make coffee with an old sock

That's like some kind of magical transmutation. Maybe that is what Folger's does. (and yeah I assume you meant fill the sock with actual coffee and stick it in a pot of boiling water - eww smelly athelete's foot coffee),
 
2014-01-23 06:35:12 PM  
I know a guy who likes to fight,
He's dating a woman who's kinda slight,
When he's having an argument, he don't use knives,
To threaten his girlfriend's or daughter's lives,
He uses gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasoline,
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasoline....

b.vimeocdn.com
 
2014-01-23 06:35:38 PM  
More details: http://www.bradenton.com/2014/01/23/ 4951044/ police-bradenton-man-poured-gas.html

While trying to stand up for her mother who had been struck multiple times in the head by her boyfriend during a domestic dispute, Fields, a 4-foot, 11-inch tall woman, was tackled to the ground by her mother's much larger boyfriend and pushed into a fire, according to a Bradenton Police Department report.

The man, Brandon Jerome Randolph, then went back inside and doused his girlfriend and the interior of the home with gasoline. He threatened to light the gasoline, but instead ran from the home, police said.
 
2014-01-23 06:35:54 PM  
Keep in mind as you're sitting home alone tonight with your Playstation that even a violent, wacked-out POS like this has a girlfriend.
 
2014-01-23 06:36:12 PM  

berylman: Deathfrogg: They showed me how to make coffee with an old sock

That's like some kind of magical transmutation. Maybe that is what Folger's does. (and yeah I assume you meant fill the sock with actual coffee and stick it in a pot of boiling water - eww smelly athelete's foot coffee),


Tim's technique was to boil the water in a pot and then steep the sock full of coffee in it for about 20 minutes with a clothespin holding the open end out of the water. It wasn't the greatest, but it was strong enough to etch the fillings out of your teeth, and the Baileys helped make it very drunkable.
 
2014-01-23 06:42:59 PM  

ZeroCorpse: It's horrible. Necrosis on a large scale.

To put it delicately, a brown recluse bite in the face would, at the very least, make me look like an extra from The Walking Dead.


Eh, maybe.  It's not like every single bite does that.

That said, after playing in a crawlspace as a kid within which was apparently several trillion brown recluse spiders, I had massive...things...all over my legs, back, and chest.  Boils?  ((does a google image search of "brown recluse bite")) - yeah, about a dozen of those.  I was not a happy camper.  On the bright side though, I can crawl up walls now...no, no I can't.  32 years later and I still have scars :P
 
2014-01-23 06:43:31 PM  

skinink: I know a guy who likes to fight,
He's dating a woman who's kinda slight,
When he's having an argument, he don't use knives,
To threaten his girlfriend's or daughter's lives,
He uses gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasoline,
Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaasoline....

[b.vimeocdn.com image 640x476]


I am soooo glad that only my pubes are the color of that guys hair.
 
2014-01-23 06:46:18 PM  
www.morethings.com
 
2014-01-23 06:50:41 PM  
Huh. Dating for nine years."Love", my ass. "Low self-esteem", more like. You can do better than a violent asshole with anger & commitment issues.
 
2014-01-23 06:54:12 PM  

ZeroCorpse: wild9: This almost happened to me a few months back. I was working on a ladder in the barn and it came out from under me. I fell about 9 ft right down and landed on my feet, then went down on all four from the pain. Looked up and my face was a few inches from the wood stove. No broken bones in the foot but it has yet to fully heal.

It's not fire, but a few years back I was working on my bike, with my face about an inch from the tire, when I saw movement out of the corner of my eye.

There, on the tire, no more than 1" from my right cheek, was a brown recluse... And it was twitching, as if irritated by my proximity.

I managed to back away slowly and then (because I don't kill spiders) captured it in a coffee can and released it in the woods... But I still get chills thinking about how close I was to a terrible fate. If you haven't seen what a brown recluse bite does to human skin, I don't recommend looking it up unless you have a strong stomach. It's horrible. Necrosis on a large scale.

To put it delicately, a brown recluse bite in the face would, at the very least, make me look like an extra from The Walking Dead.


Same thing kind of happened to me. When I was learning to ride a bicycle as a kid I got it out of the garage and started down the driveway. I looked down and saw a black spider with red on it crawling on the handlebars. I wrecked almost immediately. My brother caught the black widow and tried to convince my mom to let him keep it as a pet. She wisely said no.
 
2014-01-23 06:58:33 PM  
teecraze.com
 
2014-01-23 06:58:57 PM  

Pointy Tail of Satan: I wonder if he will be a giver or taker in prison?


More like the Giving Tree.
 
2014-01-23 06:59:22 PM  

Jument: When asked why she stayed with him after the pervious altercations, Coston answered: "It's simply out of love."

Ladies (and gentlemen), if you ever find yourself thinking along these lines, smack yourself upside the head and get the hell out of Dodge. Nobody who loves you will ever hit you, under any circumstances. Parents (to a point) and accidents excepted.


If she wants to stay and be a punching bag, im not really sure what can be done about that. But she lets this abusive douchebag around her kids to the point that he burns one daughter and douses the house in gas and threatens to light it with the other kids inside. DCF probably oughtta look into what's going on in that house.
 
2014-01-23 07:02:39 PM  
venturefans.org
 
2014-01-23 07:04:25 PM  

Nabb1: Forget it, Jake. It's Bradenton.


Nothing but ghetto trash, wiggers, migrant workers, rednecks, and a few retirees who can't afford to move to Sarasota. Bradenton is quite possibly the worst city in Florida.
 
2014-01-23 07:14:33 PM  
i1.ytimg.com
 
2014-01-23 07:15:43 PM  

TinyFist: My girlfriends daughter?

Yeah, that ain't f*cking happening. Sorry, even at 34 I'm not dating anyone with kids.


I'm the same way. Of course, being 43, that means I am single.
 
2014-01-23 07:18:42 PM  
i.imgur.com
 
2014-01-23 07:21:08 PM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Nabb1: Forget it, Jake. It's Bradenton.

Nothing but ghetto trash, wiggers, migrant workers, rednecks, and a few retirees who can't afford to move to Sarasota. Bradenton is quite possibly the worst city in Florida.


Reminds me of Brandon as well, Bradenton/brandon its almost the same.
 
2014-01-23 07:25:40 PM  

jjorsett: Keep in mind as you're sitting home alone tonight with your Playstation that even a violent, wacked-out POS like this has a girlfriend.


He isn't a violent, whacked-out POS. He has only done it 4 times. This could have been any one of us.

/or Obama, 30 years ago.
 
2014-01-23 07:31:31 PM  
I bet she's hot.
 
2014-01-23 07:39:50 PM  
Log Drop: Staying up = good, falling down = bad.

/bad
//very bad
///sceptic sludge
////bonus slashies
 
2014-01-23 07:52:23 PM  

Crass and Jaded Mother Farker: OK, I know this is racist, but...

When did black people start sitting around campfires?


According to Wiki around 1.9 million years ago.
 
2014-01-23 07:54:40 PM  
He appears to be neither successful nor particularly attractive.
 
2014-01-23 07:55:19 PM  

Point02GPA: Crass and Jaded Mother Farker: OK, I know this is racist, but...

When did black people start sitting around campfires?

According to Wiki around 1.9 million years ago.


6000 years ago, according to the teacher in that Louisiana thread.
 
2014-01-23 07:56:22 PM  

Sensual Tyrannosaurus: DAHFreedom: [static.guim.co.uk image 460x276]

Came for this.


as did I.
 
2014-01-23 08:03:30 PM  

Dragonflew: Point02GPA: Crass and Jaded Mother Farker: OK, I know this is racist, but...

When did black people start sitting around campfires?

According to Wiki around 1.9 million years ago.

6000 years ago, according to the teacher in that Louisiana thread.



They do arithmetic differently in The Bible.
 
2014-01-23 08:37:44 PM  
He threw gas in all the room.
 
2014-01-23 08:39:10 PM  
Sorry but if you were held in a fire for "a minute or two" you would be burned all to shiat.  My guess is a couple seconds at most.
 
2014-01-23 08:39:11 PM  
 "I went to call the police, he grabbed my phone, so I went outside to use one of the neighbors phone and he grabbed me...and we were tousling and he threw me in the fire and held me there for about a minute or two."

So they were just mussing each others' hair? That doesn't sound so bad.
 
2014-01-23 08:50:12 PM  
blogs.msdn.com
 
2014-01-23 09:08:20 PM  

vodka: Sorry but if you were held in a fire for "a minute or two" you would be burned all to shiat.  My guess is a couple seconds at most.


Was the kid Shadrach, Meschach, or Abednego?
 
2014-01-23 09:16:30 PM  

Jument: Nobody who loves you will ever hit you, under any circumstances. Parents (to a point) and accidents excepted.


So if someone hits you it means they don't love you. Unless they're your parent, and then it means they do love? And you're confused as to why someone would stay in an abusive relationship -- maybe because they were trained for the first two decades of their life to understand that hitting was acceptable in loving relationships.

Beyond that it's reductive to suggest that a certain general emotional state and a specific physical act are mutually exclusive. Most of the time abusers do love their victims. They're still abusive, and it's still not acceptable, but teaching people to treat love and abuse as mutually exclusive will only lead to more tolerance of abuse -- "it can't be abuse because we love each other".
 
2014-01-23 09:16:55 PM  
The daughter is now 23 and mom's boy friend is 25. So when they started dating 9 years ago, he was 16 and her daughter was 14, mom must be around what?  40? give or take ... so mom's dating a 16 year old when she was around 34 years old?
Oh I just realized  "FLORIDA" tag... silly me..  I'm done, move on....
 
2014-01-23 09:44:17 PM  

Killthatgecko: The daughter is now 23 and mom's boy friend is 25. So when they started dating 9 years ago, he was 16 and her daughter was 14, mom must be around what?  40? give or take ... so mom's dating a 16 year old when she was around 34 years old?
Oh I just realized  "FLORIDA" tag... silly me..  I'm done, move on....


I bet the daughter is the one who brought him around, then mom latched on. Mom provides him with money and a home, he provides her with the kind of weener action she can't get with men of her age.  I'm sure they're all cool with it except for the times someone gets set on fire, which to be fair doesn't happen all that often.
 
2014-01-23 10:20:14 PM  

Iphel Tabubi: I bet she's hot.


[iseewhatyoudidthere.jpg]
 
2014-01-23 11:31:26 PM  
"He came in here and started pouring gas all through the hallway, and he goes 'everybody in this m*****f***** gonna burn tonight!'" says Coston.


I will admit I have had this exact fantasy.
 
2014-01-24 12:04:20 AM  
Way late to the party, but is it too late to ask...


was she hot?


/one ticket, aisle please
 
2014-01-24 12:05:06 AM  
Aaaaand that's why 90% of the time I read the thread before commenting.

90% of the time, it works every time.
 
2014-01-24 01:31:41 AM  

Crass and Jaded Mother Farker: OK, I know this is racist, but...

When did black people start sitting around campfires?


Right arm!
 
2014-01-24 01:57:31 AM  
Yea well.. it was her adult daughter.. all 3 were probably drunk anyway.  I mean shiat.. it was Bradenton.  I'm pretty sure they still use out houses in Bradenton.
 
2014-01-24 02:54:37 AM  

Iphel Tabubi: I bet she's hot.


LOL on your comment.

My problem with this story is " "I went to call the police, he grabbed my phone, so I went outside to use one of the neighbors phone and he grabbed me...and we were tousling and he threw me in the fire and held me there for about a minute or two."

A minute or two with her face in the fire? Either she is exaggerating the length of time or he is really, really bad at preparing a BBQ.

/amiright?
 
2014-01-24 06:56:06 AM  

vodka: Sorry but if you were held in a fire for "a minute or two" you would be burned all to shiat.  My guess is a couple seconds at most.


Yep, that was the first thing I noticed. I smell bullshiat.
 
2014-01-24 08:01:56 AM  

Grembo: Iphel Tabubi: I bet she's hot.

LOL on your comment.

My problem with this story is " "I went to call the police, he grabbed my phone, so I went outside to use one of the neighbors phone and he grabbed me...and we were tousling and he threw me in the fire and held me there for about a minute or two."

A minute or two with her face in the fire? Either she is exaggerating the length of time or he is really, really bad at preparing a BBQ.

/amiright?


Not necessarily.

The secret to good barbecue is slow roasting. Sometimes as long as 10 to 12 hours.

HOWEVER...the pork butts and briskets rarely squirm.
 
2014-01-24 09:35:43 AM  
Why in hell would anyone date a single mother?
 
2014-01-24 10:51:03 AM  

Dow Jones and the Temple of Doom: Nabb1: Forget it, Jake. It's Bradenton.

Nothing but ghetto trash, wiggers, migrant workers, rednecks, and a few retirees who can't afford to move to Sarasota. Bradenton is quite possibly the worst city in Florida.


Not so fast my friend. There are pockets of civility in Bradenton.
I live in NW Bradenton and it's actually a very nice place to live. I wouldn't dream of living even 1 mile east of here, though.

TrotlineDesigns: Yea well.. it was her adult daughter.. all 3 were probably drunk anyway.  I mean shiat.. it was Bradenton.  I'm pretty sure they still use out houses in Bradenton.


We actually have indoor plumbing with hot and cold running water.
 
2014-01-24 12:25:12 PM  
What about her chest nuts?
 
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