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(Miami Herald)   Dear Abby: My husband wants me to let him have affairs so he can be like Hemingway. Abby: Tell him it's ok, as soon as he becomes an alcoholic big game hunting novelist and then kills himself   (miamiherald.com) divider line 25
    More: Stupid, Hemingway  
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6807 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Jan 2014 at 12:39 PM (30 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-01-23 02:39:12 PM
4 votes:
Dear Abby, Dear Abby, my man wants to be
Like the guy who wrote The Old Man and the Sea
I warned him to settle for what he has got
Or he'll find out what it is To Have and Have Not
Signed, Bell-Toller
2014-01-23 11:05:01 AM
4 votes:
as soon as he becomes an alcoholic big game hunting novelist and then kills himself

Alcoholic? I can do that.
Big game hunting? I'm the go-to guy for whacking spiders around the house. My four cats handle the rest.
Novelist? Ahem. I do post rather a lot on Fark.
Then kills himself? I'll take "then" to mean "some time nine or ten decades from now unless the secret of immortality is discovered".

I can has Elizabeth Banks now?
2014-01-23 12:57:46 PM
3 votes:

kbronsito: minoridiot: So she has been with him since she was 26 and he was 50?

Hemingway banged younger women, right?



No, he made love to them. He banged big game animals.
2014-01-23 02:06:45 PM
2 votes:

shamalamadingdong: "I'm at the point where I won't want to cuddle or give him affection at all."

Ding.

Like my grandmama told my wife on our wedding day, "Honey, you can fuss and complain, cook bad or spend all his money, but whatever you do, don't stop with the lovin'.  If you don't love him up, some raggedy biatch will, baby.  It's a hungry dog goes rootin' through garbage."


My friends grandma said they best way to get over a man is to get underneath another one.
2014-01-23 01:29:40 PM
2 votes:

shamalamadingdong: "I'm at the point where I won't want to cuddle or give him affection at all."

Ding.

Like my grandmama told my wife on our wedding day, "Honey, you can fuss and complain, cook bad or spend all his money, but whatever you do, don't stop with the lovin'.  If you don't love him up, some raggedy biatch will, baby.  It's a hungry dog goes rootin' through garbage."


In the words of Ron White: "I'm a pretty good dog, but if you don't pet me every once in a while, it's hard to keep me under the porch.  You can't go 3 months without having sex with me. I'll go have sex with somebody else. I know, I've seen me do it."
2014-01-23 01:05:12 PM
2 votes:
Hemingway didn't ask for permission, you feeb.
2014-01-23 12:42:40 PM
2 votes:

EvilEgg: If you ask permission for affairs, you are doing adultery wrong.


"Can I please be a big macho manly man that bangs all the ladeez, dear? Please? I would really like to be an alpha male and you're making it difficult."
2014-01-23 12:19:32 PM
2 votes:
Ah yes, that's why I needed to drink myself to death before I was 30--because I was going to be a great writer. Somehow it just didn't work out.
2014-01-24 03:28:04 AM
1 votes:
img.fark.net
2014-01-23 03:42:38 PM
1 votes:
Dear Abby,
I'm 36 and my husband is 60, and we've been together for 10 long years. The SOB keeps flirting with other women. He keeps doing it even though I've threatened to leave. In fact, now he's trying to gain my permission to sleep around. I'd leave, but I've grown rather fond of the credit cards he supplies - and I've grown in other ways, too.
Old Gold.

Dear Old Gold,
You've been whoring around with the guy for over ten years now girl, what's a few more years? Leave now and turn in the cash cow? I don't think so. Sounds like the old meal ticket is in better shape than you are at 36. Frankly, if he's rekindling the flame with that old saggy ex of his, you must have really let yourself go. You better have him buy you a gym membership before he kicks you to the curb. Cooking him lots of bacon can't hurt either. When life gets hard just remember, you want the whole thing after he approaches room temperature; renew that goal you had ten years ago. Good luck.
2014-01-23 02:30:09 PM
1 votes:
I had a dream I was having a conversation with Hemingway just a few nights ago.  I told him that I had been published for a critical analysis of one of his short stories.  He asked, "Which one?"  I said, "The Chrysanthemums."  He said, "That was Steinbeck."

Meh.
2014-01-23 01:57:13 PM
1 votes:
She married a 50 year old man when she was 26? Daddy issues, sweet easy to manipulate daddy issues.
2014-01-23 01:45:23 PM
1 votes:

shamalamadingdong: "I'm at the point where I won't want to cuddle or give him affection at all."

Ding.

Like my grandmama told my wife on our wedding day, "Honey, you can fuss and complain, cook bad or spend all his money, but whatever you do, don't stop with the lovin'.  If you don't love him up, some raggedy biatch will, baby.  It's a hungry dog goes rootin' through garbage."


Well put.
2014-01-23 01:14:40 PM
1 votes:
"We say go for it!"

www.chinadaily.com.cn
2014-01-23 01:00:15 PM
1 votes:
You have to buy the whole hog.

Possibly the worst euphamism ever.
2014-01-23 12:52:09 PM
1 votes:
Fantastic comedy, I hope a sit-com is made. Oh, and only I can have Liz Banks, just ask her.
2014-01-23 12:51:47 PM
1 votes:
It's not cheating if your wife never finds out.
2014-01-23 12:50:36 PM
1 votes:
"I caught him texting his first ex-wife"

Yeah, I think I may see the problem here.
2014-01-23 12:48:29 PM
1 votes:

Gulper Eel: as soon as he becomes an alcoholic big game hunting novelist and then kills himself

Alcoholic? I can do that.
Big game hunting? I'm the go-to guy for whacking spiders around the house. My four cats handle the rest.
Novelist? Ahem. I do post rather a lot on Fark.
Then kills himself? I'll take "then" to mean "some time nine or ten decades from now unless the secret of immortality is discovered".

I can has Elizabeth Banks now?


No, you can't.

Ernest Hemingway was a self-hating homosexual. That may be one reason he killed himself and also a driving force behind his macho persona.

You have to buy the whole hog.
2014-01-23 12:47:17 PM
1 votes:
Hemingway didn't need anyone's permission to get a little strange on the side.
2014-01-23 12:46:22 PM
1 votes:

2wolves: Everyone wants to be an author, no one wants to be a writer.


*golf clap*
2014-01-23 12:34:30 PM
1 votes:
If you ask permission for affairs, you are doing adultery wrong.
2014-01-23 12:22:37 PM
1 votes:
Everyone wants to be an author, no one wants to be a writer.
2014-01-23 12:16:57 PM
1 votes:
Sounds fair.
2014-01-23 12:09:53 PM
1 votes:

minoridiot: So she has been with him since she was 26 and he was 50?


Hemingway banged younger women, right?
 
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