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(Miami Herald)   Dear Abby: My husband wants me to let him have affairs so he can be like Hemingway. Abby: Tell him it's ok, as soon as he becomes an alcoholic big game hunting novelist and then kills himself   (miamiherald.com) divider line 64
    More: Stupid, Hemingway  
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6804 clicks; posted to Main » on 23 Jan 2014 at 12:39 PM (29 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



64 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-01-23 10:49:27 AM
As the "kill himself" bit was subbs' invention, I am not entirely sure why the 'stupid' tag. I am so thick.
 
2014-01-23 11:04:44 AM
Good lord she's dumb.
 
2014-01-23 11:05:01 AM
as soon as he becomes an alcoholic big game hunting novelist and then kills himself

Alcoholic? I can do that.
Big game hunting? I'm the go-to guy for whacking spiders around the house. My four cats handle the rest.
Novelist? Ahem. I do post rather a lot on Fark.
Then kills himself? I'll take "then" to mean "some time nine or ten decades from now unless the secret of immortality is discovered".

I can has Elizabeth Banks now?
 
2014-01-23 11:28:42 AM
So she has been with him since she was 26 and he was 50?
 
2014-01-23 12:09:53 PM

minoridiot: So she has been with him since she was 26 and he was 50?


Hemingway banged younger women, right?
 
2014-01-23 12:16:57 PM
Sounds fair.
 
2014-01-23 12:19:32 PM
Ah yes, that's why I needed to drink myself to death before I was 30--because I was going to be a great writer. Somehow it just didn't work out.
 
2014-01-23 12:22:37 PM
Everyone wants to be an author, no one wants to be a writer.
 
2014-01-23 12:34:30 PM
If you ask permission for affairs, you are doing adultery wrong.
 
2014-01-23 12:42:40 PM

EvilEgg: If you ask permission for affairs, you are doing adultery wrong.


"Can I please be a big macho manly man that bangs all the ladeez, dear? Please? I would really like to be an alpha male and you're making it difficult."
 
2014-01-23 12:43:38 PM
Hemingway? Oh FFS, anybody except that alcoholic blowhard.
 
2014-01-23 12:46:22 PM

2wolves: Everyone wants to be an author, no one wants to be a writer.


*golf clap*
 
2014-01-23 12:47:06 PM
Gotta do a little cross-dressing,too. Plus get up at 5am EVERY DAY to write. Suck on that, offmymeds.
 
2014-01-23 12:47:17 PM
Hemingway didn't need anyone's permission to get a little strange on the side.
 
2014-01-23 12:47:31 PM
Dear Subby: You need some reading comprehension. Here, let me help you get started.
 
2014-01-23 12:47:42 PM

CapeFearCadaver: Good lord she's dumb.


Her answer was spot-on. Did you even read her comment, or did you imagine the headline was accurate?
 
2014-01-23 12:47:56 PM

kbronsito: minoridiot: So she has been with him since she was 26 and he was 50?

Hemingway banged younger women, right?


I think that's more of a Salinger thing.
 
2014-01-23 12:48:29 PM

Gulper Eel: as soon as he becomes an alcoholic big game hunting novelist and then kills himself

Alcoholic? I can do that.
Big game hunting? I'm the go-to guy for whacking spiders around the house. My four cats handle the rest.
Novelist? Ahem. I do post rather a lot on Fark.
Then kills himself? I'll take "then" to mean "some time nine or ten decades from now unless the secret of immortality is discovered".

I can has Elizabeth Banks now?


No, you can't.

Ernest Hemingway was a self-hating homosexual. That may be one reason he killed himself and also a driving force behind his macho persona.

You have to buy the whole hog.
 
2014-01-23 12:50:11 PM
In my experience, open relationships are only open on one end. The other end is occupied by a fuming, fretting somewhat passive-aggressive spouse. So tell the bugger you'll give him a free vasectomy if he runs around on you.
 
2014-01-23 12:50:36 PM
"I caught him texting his first ex-wife"

Yeah, I think I may see the problem here.
 
2014-01-23 12:51:47 PM
It's not cheating if your wife never finds out.
 
2014-01-23 12:52:09 PM
Fantastic comedy, I hope a sit-com is made. Oh, and only I can have Liz Banks, just ask her.
 
2014-01-23 12:52:30 PM

offmymeds: Hemingway? Oh FFS, anybody except that alcoholic blowhard.


You might want to check out his WWI record.
Blowhard? Sure.
Macho ass? Undoubtedly.
Grace under fire? Big time.
 
2014-01-23 12:57:46 PM

kbronsito: minoridiot: So she has been with him since she was 26 and he was 50?

Hemingway banged younger women, right?



No, he made love to them. He banged big game animals.
 
2014-01-23 01:00:15 PM
You have to buy the whole hog.

Possibly the worst euphamism ever.
 
2014-01-23 01:04:38 PM
I don't look at younger women for their personality. She was duped into a marriage because she was very young.
 
2014-01-23 01:05:12 PM
Hemingway didn't ask for permission, you feeb.
 
2014-01-23 01:10:18 PM

FunkOut: EvilEgg: If you ask permission for affairs, you are doing adultery wrong.

"Can I please be a big macho manly man that bangs all the ladeez, dear? Please? I would really like to be an alpha male and you're making it difficult."


haha. Reminds me of the "10 reasons you're cool and not a douche" or "12 traits successful men share" articles.

If you're reading them, you're probably an unsuccessful douche.
 
2014-01-23 01:12:05 PM
I think the Dear Abby advice columnists have started sending themselves prank questions. This shiat is starting to get cray.
 
2014-01-23 01:13:49 PM
And don't forget about the life insurance , never forget about the life Insurance!
 
2014-01-23 01:14:40 PM
"We say go for it!"

www.chinadaily.com.cn
 
2014-01-23 01:16:03 PM

super_grass: I think the Dear Abby advice columnists have started sending themselves prank questions. This shiat is starting to get cray.


Write one crazy question. Write the craziest question you know.
 
2014-01-23 01:19:01 PM
"I'm at the point where I won't want to cuddle or give him affection at all."

Ding.

Like my grandmama told my wife on our wedding day, "Honey, you can fuss and complain, cook bad or spend all his money, but whatever you do, don't stop with the lovin'.  If you don't love him up, some raggedy biatch will, baby.  It's a hungry dog goes rootin' through garbage."
 
2014-01-23 01:26:12 PM
Install open marriage. You're gonna fark a lot of dudes. He'll change his mind pretty quickly.
 
2014-01-23 01:29:40 PM

shamalamadingdong: "I'm at the point where I won't want to cuddle or give him affection at all."

Ding.

Like my grandmama told my wife on our wedding day, "Honey, you can fuss and complain, cook bad or spend all his money, but whatever you do, don't stop with the lovin'.  If you don't love him up, some raggedy biatch will, baby.  It's a hungry dog goes rootin' through garbage."


In the words of Ron White: "I'm a pretty good dog, but if you don't pet me every once in a while, it's hard to keep me under the porch.  You can't go 3 months without having sex with me. I'll go have sex with somebody else. I know, I've seen me do it."
 
2014-01-23 01:30:29 PM

a particular individual: CapeFearCadaver: Good lord she's dumb.

Her answer was spot-on. Did you even read her comment, or did you imagine the headline was accurate?


I like it when someone jumps to conclusions about someone else jumping to conclusions and jumps to that conclusion to the point where they feel the need to tell that person they jumped to conclusions.

I was talking about the chick who wrote the letter.
 
2014-01-23 01:45:23 PM

shamalamadingdong: "I'm at the point where I won't want to cuddle or give him affection at all."

Ding.

Like my grandmama told my wife on our wedding day, "Honey, you can fuss and complain, cook bad or spend all his money, but whatever you do, don't stop with the lovin'.  If you don't love him up, some raggedy biatch will, baby.  It's a hungry dog goes rootin' through garbage."


Well put.
 
2014-01-23 01:53:48 PM

dryknife: "We say go for it!"

[www.chinadaily.com.cn image 600x410]


So THAT'S what mall Santas do in the off season.
 
2014-01-23 01:57:13 PM
She married a 50 year old man when she was 26? Daddy issues, sweet easy to manipulate daddy issues.
 
2014-01-23 01:59:47 PM

shamalamadingdong: "I'm at the point where I won't want to cuddle or give him affection at all."

Ding.

Like my grandmama told my wife on our wedding day, "Honey, you can fuss and complain, cook bad or spend all his money, but whatever you do, don't stop with the lovin'.  If you don't love him up, some raggedy biatch will, baby.  It's a hungry dog goes rootin' through garbage."


So she should keep farking him even though she has no idea where his dick was yesterday? At that point he's a serious health risk. Remember she caught him looking for strange and THEN closed her legs. Not the other way around.
 
2014-01-23 02:06:45 PM

shamalamadingdong: "I'm at the point where I won't want to cuddle or give him affection at all."

Ding.

Like my grandmama told my wife on our wedding day, "Honey, you can fuss and complain, cook bad or spend all his money, but whatever you do, don't stop with the lovin'.  If you don't love him up, some raggedy biatch will, baby.  It's a hungry dog goes rootin' through garbage."


My friends grandma said they best way to get over a man is to get underneath another one.
 
2014-01-23 02:15:13 PM
John Finnemore's sketch Before they were stars approves.
 
2014-01-23 02:30:09 PM
I had a dream I was having a conversation with Hemingway just a few nights ago.  I told him that I had been published for a critical analysis of one of his short stories.  He asked, "Which one?"  I said, "The Chrysanthemums."  He said, "That was Steinbeck."

Meh.
 
2014-01-23 02:30:39 PM
Oblig:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2ccC4aULow&feature=youtu.be&t=1m51s
John Prine sings Dear Abby

/pants to her knees
 
2014-01-23 02:39:12 PM
Dear Abby, Dear Abby, my man wants to be
Like the guy who wrote The Old Man and the Sea
I warned him to settle for what he has got
Or he'll find out what it is To Have and Have Not
Signed, Bell-Toller
 
2014-01-23 02:41:34 PM
Write one crazy question. Write the craziest question you know.

After four years of making love only 5-6 times a year, I'm considering leaving my wife.  It hadn't occured to me to do this until I read an article in the Daily Mail in which a woman claimed to be part of a sexless marriage.  In this she said she only slept with her husband 4-5 times a year -- what she considered the barest minimum she could get away with without an outright claim of abandonment.

Should I stop reading the Daily Mail?
 
2014-01-23 03:02:14 PM

quickdraw: So she should keep farking him even though she has no idea where his dick was yesterday? At that point he's a serious health risk. Remember she caught him looking for strange and THEN closed her legs. Not the other way around.


That's a big assumption. Let's hear his side of the story and find out just when he had been cut off.
 
2014-01-23 03:04:11 PM

SVenus: Oblig:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2ccC4aULow&feature=youtu.be&t=1m51s
John Prine sings Dear Abby

/pants to her knees


Hubby is what he is and he ain't what he ain't. LARPing Hemingway won't change that.
 
2014-01-23 03:15:14 PM

minoridiot: So she has been with him since she was 26 and he was 50?


That's how long they've been married.  They've probably been together longer.  She should look at his previous relationships and take note.
 
2014-01-23 03:42:38 PM
Dear Abby,
I'm 36 and my husband is 60, and we've been together for 10 long years. The SOB keeps flirting with other women. He keeps doing it even though I've threatened to leave. In fact, now he's trying to gain my permission to sleep around. I'd leave, but I've grown rather fond of the credit cards he supplies - and I've grown in other ways, too.
Old Gold.

Dear Old Gold,
You've been whoring around with the guy for over ten years now girl, what's a few more years? Leave now and turn in the cash cow? I don't think so. Sounds like the old meal ticket is in better shape than you are at 36. Frankly, if he's rekindling the flame with that old saggy ex of his, you must have really let yourself go. You better have him buy you a gym membership before he kicks you to the curb. Cooking him lots of bacon can't hurt either. When life gets hard just remember, you want the whole thing after he approaches room temperature; renew that goal you had ten years ago. Good luck.
 
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