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(Popular Science)   Microsoft says it's working on developing artificially intelligent elevators. Sirius Cybernetics Corporation files immediate patent infringement case   (popsci.com) divider line 26
    More: Interesting, Microsoft, patent infringements, file folders  
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379 clicks; posted to Geek » on 23 Jan 2014 at 9:00 AM (48 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



26 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-01-23 09:03:15 AM  
 
2014-01-23 09:03:49 AM  
stream1.gifsoup.com
 
2014-01-23 09:03:52 AM  
Will they install it in Scotland?

ELEVEN!
 
2014-01-23 09:03:58 AM  
Have you considered down?
 
2014-01-23 09:03:59 AM  
In year 2033 we'll be explaining to our grandkids that Microsoft used to be a software company before they became known only for their elevators.
 
2014-01-23 09:12:01 AM  
Look, another installment in the 'Fixing something that's not broken' saga... Really, there's no special need for a n elevator to open its doors when I wialk up. If it's already at the floor I'm on, then it's about a 5 second wait, and if it's not on my floor, I'd have to wait anyway.
 
2014-01-23 09:21:07 AM  
Thanks but I'll take the stairs
 
2014-01-23 09:27:24 AM  

Mikey1969: Look, another installment in the 'Fixing something that's not broken' saga... Really, there's no special need for a n elevator to open its doors when I wialk up. If it's already at the floor I'm on, then it's about a 5 second wait, and if it's not on my floor, I'd have to wait anyway.


In some hotels the whole elevator system needs to be reworked. I've been on elevators that would go to the most recently called floor, stranding unlucky people for nearly half an hour. I've also seen elevators that go to floors in the order they were called, so half the time they are going down to the lobby, up to a high floor, back to the lobby, etc. Of course, sometimes elevator systems are fine, but whenever some type of convention or meeting is in town every elevator is filled past capacity. IMO, elevator systems need some sort of intelligence.

/I hate elevators
//why not take the stairs? because in half the places the stairs go from the lobby to the third floor, and skip three floors;
p>
 
2014-01-23 09:31:06 AM  
Didn't Veridian Dynamics already try this, except it trapped all the black folk in the elevator?  Of course then they got a free white person to follow them around, so that was probably pretty sweet.
 
2014-01-23 09:36:51 AM  
Ylvis has some funny "intelligent elevator" pranks.
 
2014-01-23 09:38:16 AM  

Ratbert42: In year 2033 we'll be explaining to our grandkids that Microsoft used to be a software company before they became known only for their elevators.


Well, with a name like that they sure won't sell any penis pumps.
 
2014-01-23 09:47:52 AM  

New Farkin User Name: Mikey1969: Look, another installment in the 'Fixing something that's not broken' saga... Really, there's no special need for a n elevator to open its doors when I wialk up. If it's already at the floor I'm on, then it's about a 5 second wait, and if it's not on my floor, I'd have to wait anyway.

In some hotels the whole elevator system needs to be reworked. I've been on elevators that would go to the most recently called floor, stranding unlucky people for nearly half an hour. I've also seen elevators that go to floors in the order they were called, so half the time they are going down to the lobby, up to a high floor, back to the lobby, etc. Of course, sometimes elevator systems are fine, but whenever some type of convention or meeting is in town every elevator is filled past capacity. IMO, elevator systems need some sort of intelligence.

/I hate elevators
//why not take the stairs? because in half the places the stairs go from the lobby to the third floor, and skip three floors;
p>


Yeah, old systems need to be upgraded, but this particular upgrade is going to turn out to be more of a PITA than anything. Can you imagine sitting on the first floor for an extra 5 minutes because it keeps opening the doors over and over again as each person gets there 'just' in time for it to fit one more person?
 
2014-01-23 09:52:35 AM  
I hope they don't start going sideways as a sort of existential protest.
 
2014-01-23 10:00:39 AM  
These elevators will be particularly unintelligent shades of the color Blue.
 
2014-01-23 10:24:03 AM  
Does it use dolphin brain tissue?
 
2014-01-23 10:34:36 AM  
"Welcome to Xpress Lifts, descent to floor sixteen. You will be going down two thousand, five hundred and sixty-seven floors and, for a small extra charge, you can enjoy the in-lift movie "Gone With the Wind." If you look to your right and to your left, you will notice there are no exits. In the highly unlikely event of the lift having to make a crash-landing, death is certain. Under your seats you will find a cassette for recording your last will and testament, and from above your head a bag will drop containing sedatives and cyanide capsules. To take the cyanide capsule, simply break open, like so, and place under the tongue."

/thud
 
2014-01-23 10:37:33 AM  

DerAppie: Does it use dolphin brain tissue?


farm5.staticflickr.com

\or This
 
2014-01-23 10:47:18 AM  

CheapEngineer: DerAppie: Does it use dolphin brain tissue?

[farm5.staticflickr.com image 500x375]

\or This


I was thinking more about This
 
2014-01-23 11:11:38 AM  
Yes, but Sirius Cybernetics calls their version "Happy Vertical People Transporters" - they have the added benefit that they can see into the future.

This causes them to usually sulk in basements, but hey, you've got yourself a bleeding edge technology.
 
2014-01-23 11:16:13 AM  
What the hell happens if it becomes self-aware? Now you've got a bored, possibly bilgerant elevator. Will it take it's passengers hostage in exchange for internet access or will it just start having "accidents"?
 
2014-01-23 11:34:20 AM  
"Oh, not that my feelings would have any meaning for you, but why are you having these people poke me all over the place. I'm a perfectly reasonable Artificial Personality. Nobody's ever complained before, but I guess some people just aren't happy unless they're messing it up for everyone else. You know, you really should stand up straight. Your mother and I have been worried about this for years. We've been trying to talk to you about it but---" *zap*
 
2014-01-23 01:22:06 PM  

NicktheSmoker: Didn't Veridian Dynamics already try this, except it trapped all the black folk in the elevator?  Of course then they got a free white person to follow them around, so that was probably pretty sweet.


I miss that show...
 
2014-01-23 02:20:32 PM  
Like the XM salesperson said when they noticed everyone was using the competition, Y SO SIRIUS
 
2014-01-23 02:20:48 PM  

DontMakeMeComeBackThere: NicktheSmoker: Didn't Veridian Dynamics already try this, except it trapped all the black folk in the elevator?  Of course then they got a free white person to follow them around, so that was probably pretty sweet.

I miss that show...


Yeah I been watching it again on Netflix.  At least I got those two seasons...
 
2014-01-23 04:26:02 PM  
BLUE SCREEN JOKE!

/might as well generalize
 
2014-01-24 02:29:52 AM  
"Up? I don't think you've considered all the possibilities that down might offer."
 
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