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(News.com.au)   The 7 most common CV lies ... other than saying that you're the CEO's nephew   (news.com.au) divider line 21
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886 clicks; posted to FarkUs » on 23 Jan 2014 at 10:21 AM (33 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



21 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-01-23 09:10:04 AM
The most common CV lie:  That clicking noise when you are turning is normal.
 
2014-01-23 09:15:16 AM
Does anyone actually put their current salary on their CV?  Also references, I never put references on my CV (also I don't put available on request, because that's stupid)
 
2014-01-23 10:17:29 AM
I almost immediately started claiming I mopped the odd-numbered booths, since they were slightly larger and had newer screens. Thankfully I was never caught.
 
2014-01-23 11:47:35 AM
Aunt Vera???
 
2014-01-23 11:58:36 AM
I do prefer to claim that I was actually a *Senior* Assistant Crack Whore, but they never check those details.
 
2014-01-23 12:07:28 PM
I've never heard of this website, Fark.com, and I certainly didn't spend my time at work on it.
 
2014-01-23 12:42:51 PM
The thing about salary is not true here in CA. Employers are only allowed to confirm dates, title, and whether or not they'd hire you back.
 
2014-01-23 01:19:48 PM
Be sure to prominently show the number of Twitter followers you have, hiring managers love big numbers for that.
 
2014-01-23 01:51:44 PM
Pfft, whatever.  I bet this "Gen George" is really just a Lt Col.
 
2014-01-23 01:57:15 PM

bighairyguy: Be sure to prominently show the number of Twitter followers you have, hiring managers love big numbers for that.


I've heard that this is actually true if you're in marketing -- there's a website called Klout that scores people on their social media presence, and Twitter followers is one of the factors.  Then again, I only heard about the practice of checking "Klout scores" from Wired magazine, so it might have just been a fad.
 
2014-01-23 02:01:27 PM
Fully qualified to be Pope or United States Supreme Court Justice
 
2014-01-23 02:25:29 PM
I'm currently on a hiring committee so I'm getting a kick out off........

Seriously though let me give everyone a bit of advice to say yourself and more importantly me some time.

1. If the job you're applying for, especially a job with a predetermined salary, lists the salary at a certain point, there is absolutely no need to go through the trouble of applying and then putting a number astronomically higher than that in the box that says "minimum required salary." No one will ever look at your application and suddenly decided to hire you for the 100k that you asked for even though the money budgeted for the job is 30k. Even if you're Jesus Christ himself, that's just now how it works.

2. Don't apply for a job if you don't meet the basic job requirements. I shouldn't have to sort through 30 applications to find the 3 qualified people to interview. The minimum job requirements are spelled out right there.

/rant over
 
2014-01-23 02:40:38 PM
So for those seven years as a Correctional Facilities Beta Tester I don't have to list a salary? Bonus!
 
2014-01-23 02:45:45 PM

ModernPrimitive01: I'm currently on a hiring committee so I'm getting a kick out off........

Seriously though let me give everyone a bit of advice to say yourself and more importantly me some time.

1. If the job you're applying for, especially a job with a predetermined salary, lists the salary at a certain point, there is absolutely no need to go through the trouble of applying and then putting a number astronomically higher than that in the box that says "minimum required salary." No one will ever look at your application and suddenly decided to hire you for the 100k that you asked for even though the money budgeted for the job is 30k. Even if you're Jesus Christ himself, that's just now how it works.

2. Don't apply for a job if you don't meet the basic job requirements. I shouldn't have to sort through 30 applications to find the 3 qualified people to interview. The minimum job requirements are spelled out right there.

/rant over


On the flip side, don't write job requirements that are physically impossible to fulfill.

Nobody on earth has 30 years of experience in Python, since the language was only invented 23 years ago.
 
2014-01-23 03:50:37 PM

FrancoFile: Nobody on earth has 30 years of experience in Python, since the language was only invented 23 years ago.


I remember applying for a job in 1997 that wanted 15 years experience in HTML. At that point it had only really been out for six and practically unused by for the last three or four.
 
2014-01-23 04:19:03 PM

ModernPrimitive01: I'm currently on a hiring committee so I'm getting a kick out off........

Seriously though let me give everyone a bit of advice to say yourself and more importantly me some time.

1. If the job you're applying for, especially a job with a predetermined salary, lists the salary at a certain point, there is absolutely no need to go through the trouble of applying and then putting a number astronomically higher than that in the box that says "minimum required salary." No one will ever look at your application and suddenly decided to hire you for the 100k that you asked for even though the money budgeted for the job is 30k. Even if you're Jesus Christ himself, that's just now how it works.

2. Don't apply for a job if you don't meet the basic job requirements. I shouldn't have to sort through 30 applications to find the 3 qualified people to interview. The minimum job requirements are spelled out right there.

/rant over


Dear God! Your life sounds difficult.
 
2014-01-23 04:25:33 PM

DrZiffle: ModernPrimitive01: I'm currently on a hiring committee so I'm getting a kick out off........

Seriously though let me give everyone a bit of advice to say yourself and more importantly me some time.

1. If the job you're applying for, especially a job with a predetermined salary, lists the salary at a certain point, there is absolutely no need to go through the trouble of applying and then putting a number astronomically higher than that in the box that says "minimum required salary." No one will ever look at your application and suddenly decided to hire you for the 100k that you asked for even though the money budgeted for the job is 30k. Even if you're Jesus Christ himself, that's just now how it works.

2. Don't apply for a job if you don't meet the basic job requirements. I shouldn't have to sort through 30 applications to find the 3 qualified people to interview. The minimum job requirements are spelled out right there.

/rant over

Dear God! Your life sounds difficult.


/under employed first world problems
 
2014-01-23 04:48:45 PM
Wait, isn't this list an article of everything that goes on a resume? Aside from your name and email address, I mean.
 
2014-01-23 05:14:05 PM
"Article submitted to The Journal of Applied Phrenology"
 
2014-01-23 06:30:03 PM
Step 1. Set up your own LLC/S-Corp (depending upon your locale); this is your 'permanent' job, so any time you are out of work, you're working for WorkCo, Inc. = no employment gaps.

Step 2. Don't be a salary chump.

Inflating your salary is probably the most tempting thing to do because people want to set a precedent so they can earn more in their next job, Ms George said.

Revealing your last salary = salary chump. A good negotiator NEVER lets her opponent see the color of her knickers. Instead, turn it around by saying this magic phrase: "Oh, it was industry standard. What is the range you're offering?" If they insist, then say this: "Ahh, sorry, but I'm bound by an NDA not to reveal my previous job's financials." If they don't let it go, then don't work there because they suck.

However employers can easily double check your salary bracket with your last manager so don't shoot yourself in the foot by aiming for the stratosphere.

That may be true in OZ, but in the States this is why it is important to let your previous jobs know (via certified letter) that they are not to divulge this information without your prior written information. The only entities who need to know are the IRS and Satan. But I repeat myself. Try the fish.

If your future company cannot determine the value of your position without your previous employer telling them, then they suck; don't work there.

img.fark.net
 
2014-01-24 05:53:02 AM

safetycap: ....

Step 2. Don't be a salary chump.

Revealing your last salary = salary chump. A good negotiator NEVER lets her opponent see the color of her knickers. Instead, turn it around by saying this magic phrase: "Oh, it was industry standard. What is the range you're offering?" If they insist, then say this: "Ahh, sorry, but I'm bound by an NDA not to reveal my previous job's financials." If they don't let it go, then don't work there because they suck.

...
If your future company cannot determine the value of your position without your previous employer telling them, then they suck; don't work there.

My favorite ones are the application forms that make previous salary a mandatory field on the form. Don't want to tell them? Can't even apply for the job. I always figure those ones aren't even hiring, it's just HR doing a salary survey to make sure they're not overpaying existing staff.
 
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