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(Time)   Mozzarella is bad and you should feel bad for enjoying it   (newsfeed.time.com) divider line 70
    More: Obvious, Cheddar, American Eats  
•       •       •

15181 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Jan 2014 at 12:47 AM (44 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-01-22 12:10:04 AM  
27 votes:
These bags of pre-grated, fibrous strings of dairy-like substance that come dusted with preservatives are literally the devil. They make foodies cry. No one should ever be forgiven for buying them, and don't even ask about Kraft's green cylinders of atomized parmesan dust.

Go fark yourself hipster.
2014-01-22 12:53:00 AM  
13 votes:

chitownmike: Mentat: These bags of pre-grated, fibrous strings of dairy-like substance that come dusted with preservatives are literally the devil. They make foodies cry. No one should ever be forgiven for buying them, and don't even ask about Kraft's green cylinders of atomized parmesan dust.

Go fark yourself hipster.

I am glad you are happy eating shiat food, good for you


Go fark yourself hipster.
2014-01-22 12:10:43 AM  
9 votes:
No.  Casu Marzu is the worst cheese ever, followed closely by Limburger, and aged Havarti.

Mozzarella is good, but don't buy the shredded stuff unless you are seriously, seriously pressed for time, and in that case, just order pizza and spare yourself the mess.

Wait, why the fark do I care about what other people are eating again?
2014-01-22 12:58:57 AM  
8 votes:
That article was bad and subby should feel bad for submitting it.

/not to mention whoever greened it
2014-01-22 12:54:39 AM  
7 votes:
My favorite cheese...

www.madeinoregon.com
2014-01-22 02:44:14 AM  
5 votes:
There are three levels of non-academic criticism. They are, in order of abrasiveness:

1) Personal on the part of the critic. "I don't like this."

2) Generalization. "this is bad."

3) Personal attack/telling you what to do. "you shouldn't like this."

3+) Openly insulting your taste and telling you what to do. "You shouldn't like the foods you like, eat this instead. What do you mean you can't afford artisanal cheese? fark you, peasant."

Food people always, always always go for 3 or 3+. Car people aren't this bad because the cost of collecting is a trusty gatekeeper. Fashion people kind of are, but we've known for decades they're vapid, shallow twats, and those of us who aren't recognize clothing-as-personal statement/status symbol as an opt-in activity. But no, it's something about the fact that everyone eats and drinks that makes that particular sphere into a Tournament of Dickbags- that magical contest of trivia and elitism.
2014-01-22 12:52:44 AM  
5 votes:
your blog sucks
2014-01-22 12:37:38 AM  
5 votes:
Stupid farking article.  If it's not mozzarella di buffala da Mondragone, it isn't farking mozzarella.  The shiat they're talking about is standard American plastic food--all colors and "flavors" being equally garbage.

Processed shiat is processed shiat.

Mozzarella is heaven.

Know the difference you worthless assholes.

/rant.
2014-01-22 01:34:26 AM  
4 votes:
More utter food snob bullshiat. Exotic cheeses that smell and taste like mildew or effluent usually do nothing for me. I guess Parmesan grated off a block is a slight improvement over the stuff in the green jars. I like to take the cheapest, store brand crap Mozzarella and grind it up with meat, bread crumbs and seasonings. Creates a filling for ravioli no one but those dipshiat vegetarians ever refuses to overeat.

/Got the last 2 bottles of Pliny the Elder from the pretentious hipster/yuppie grocery store nearest me, and drank them. It's not bad beer or anything, but I can name at least 6 I think are equally good, for slightly less money, and easier to come by. As is the case so often, it's not the quality of the product, it's hype and hysteria.
2014-01-22 01:32:14 AM  
4 votes:
In other words,
img.fark.net
2014-01-22 01:13:21 AM  
4 votes:
Why would anyone care what kind of cheese another person would eat? Very strange.
2014-01-22 01:09:16 AM  
4 votes:
Sadly, I'm certain most Americans haven't tasted what true, fresh, mozzarella is.

Anyone soon visiting Italy, don't hesitate to try a plate of fresh mozzarella di bufula lightly drizzled with some olive oil before you leave. It's the food equivalent of crack. My blood itches at the thought of returning there for more. As you slice away at it, it has a semi-soft texture and oozes out droplets of fresh milk. It's absolutely delicious with a side of prosciutto, arugula, or sliced tomatoes.

s29.postimg.org
2014-01-22 12:56:43 AM  
4 votes:
Buffalo mozzarella, fresh, in bags of water, is farking sublime.  And fark whoever wrote TFA for not mentioning pecorino romano as one of the great hard cheeses.

/Half Italian
//Live in Wisco.
///You're damn right I like my cheese.
2014-01-22 02:54:12 AM  
3 votes:

detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.


...I've always said this: If the entire population of the United States suddenly knew how all of their food was made, from hamburgers to "organic" food, a good percentage would choose to starve to death.  People don't realize what atrocities and disgusting things must happen at pretty much every stage of the process to bring any food to them, no matter how "natural" it is.
2014-01-22 02:02:50 AM  
3 votes:
I'd cut my hand open and bleed to death for a slice of this food of the gods.

media.oregonlive.com
2014-01-22 01:44:05 AM  
3 votes:
Who the fark CARES what a foodie thinks?
2014-01-22 01:39:42 AM  
3 votes:
Cabot Old School Cheddar, aged 5 years, 0 grams of lactose, Kosher, Halal, no dyes, sharp as you could wish.
img.fark.net
img.fark.netMade by a dairy cooperative in Vermont. The best cheddar on Earth.
2014-01-22 12:51:19 AM  
3 votes:
Mozzarella is awesome anyone that says otherwise is a heretic and probably weighs the same as a duck
2014-01-22 11:28:26 AM  
2 votes:

ladyfortuna: Let's see, a quick look at Wegmans.com... 8 oz of 'Fresh' mozz (I don't really know how well it compares, but whatever) is 2.99. 16 oz block of 'regular' mozz is 3.99.

It's almost like people on a budget have to go with what can stretch the farthest, especially if they have a kid or three.


That right there. I harbor no illusions that the 5-lb bag of Kirkland's shredded cheddar is the greatest cheese ever crafted. But it's inexpensive and we can parcel it out over a few months.

/Don't care for the Kirkland's mozzarella
//We load up on Sargento when it goes on sale.
///Chest Freezer is among the best $175 we've spent.
2014-01-22 08:39:47 AM  
2 votes:
Stopped reading snobby, pretentious hipster article when I saw that the author doesn't know what the word "literally" means.
2014-01-22 02:08:21 AM  
2 votes:
No.

F*ck you.
2014-01-22 01:43:15 AM  
2 votes:
I have never taken any advice, ever, from a guy named Kyle, and I don't plan on ever doing so.
2014-01-22 01:17:23 AM  
2 votes:
I remember just a few years ago when people were ok with not being pseudo-aficionados about the peripheral banalities of life. Now thanks to the internet, anyone can google "mozzarella cheese" and then memorize a few subjective factoids about it's history and regurgitate them as though they're a distinguished cheese connisuer.

/bonus douchey points for saying "motsa-rell"
2014-01-22 01:16:00 AM  
2 votes:
Well, if it's going to make a foodie cry...I'll be stocking up on pre grated cheddar/mozzarella mix for my pizza.

Also, muenster is the best cheese ever. Period.
2014-01-22 01:05:29 AM  
2 votes:
the writer is an unbearable dick, but I would kill certain members of my family for burrata. fortunately I can just buy it at the store.
2014-01-22 01:04:34 AM  
2 votes:
I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.
2014-01-22 01:03:33 AM  
2 votes:
Well, I'm out. There is no difference between Reddit and Fark at this point.
2014-01-22 01:03:22 AM  
2 votes:
Cheese thread needs Ash County NC Cheddar as a standard-bearer for delicious American cheese.

And really, who eats enough store- bought mozzarella to stress over the quality? I buy maybe one bag a year for the random homemade pizza. Fresh mozzarella balls from the olive bar at Kroger is a treat now and then. I consider myself lucky to enjoy that. I would be all over gourmet cheeses if I could travel these days like I used to. But I will still dig into some Velveeta/Rotel dip if I get a hankering.

/knows enough to be discriminating, but not a snob.
2014-01-22 12:53:15 AM  
2 votes:
I suppose those individually wrapped sticks that I eat are bad? Well, boo-hoo
2014-01-22 12:51:49 AM  
2 votes:

Gyrfalcon: Cheese Nazis. nachos


FTF the super bowl.
2014-01-22 12:11:24 AM  
2 votes:
They talk about Mozzarella and preground Mozza and Cheddar.  For me there is something fantastic about freshly shredded cheddar.  I don't know if there is an oxidation thing that is happening with freshly shredded cheddar but it is one of my favourite cheese experiences.
2014-01-22 05:58:48 PM  
1 votes:
These bags of pre-grated, fibrous strings of dairy-like substance that come dusted with preservatives are literally the devil.

The author is literally an idiot.

/Notice how I used that word properly.
2014-01-22 11:24:47 AM  
1 votes:

detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Shazam999: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.
Don't be silly, Velveeta is made of orphaned babies.
Let's put it this way... it's older than you think,  And the phrase "bacteria containment hold" is a thing.


Oh yeah. I found that out when I was doing a job where I had to camp for long stretches, no refrigeration or anything. I love cheese and peanut butter gets kind of old, so I had a block of Velveeta. Damn, that stuff could freeze, melt in the sun, freeze again, turn into a puddle, and it never changed. I could still eat it and it tasted the same. Man, I love Velveeta.
2014-01-22 10:56:36 AM  
1 votes:
Lack a worthwhile skill-set or any measurable achievements to date, but are still dying to be a condescending little prick?

"Foodie" blogging is the answer.
2014-01-22 10:48:20 AM  
1 votes:

Rapmaster2000: Every week we do some variation of this.  Shiatfood is mocked, and shiatfood lovers rush in to tell us how much they don't care.

See you all next week where you can remind everyone for the 500th time just how much you don't care.


Go fark yourself hipster.
2014-01-22 10:05:42 AM  
1 votes:
"Foodie" = "Douchebag"
2014-01-22 10:05:36 AM  
1 votes:
The author of TFA couldn't have come across as more of a coont if the entire article consisted of "I am a coont" written over and over again.
2014-01-22 09:42:45 AM  
1 votes:
My preferred cheese/beer/coffee/chocolate/etc. is so much better than your preferred one that it makes yours seem worse than garbage. That definitively proves that I am better than you in every way. In fact, you should probably just kill yourself now and save yourself the torture of living an entire lifetime eating/drinking nothing but that inedible swill that you somehow manage to shovel down your craw.
2014-01-22 08:56:41 AM  
1 votes:

Anonymous Bosch: Food people always, always always go for 3 or 3+


Bingo. I can't stand people like that. They think that only their personally preferred way is the only way and anything else is a disgrace and should be thrown out because it's garbage. Some of the worst are steak snobs.

Steak is best cooked well done. Yeah, you heard me. Cooked all the way through. No pink. No oozing red stuff. I can't stand the texture of non-well done steak. It's like eating play-dough. It triggers my gag reflex. And the taste is something awful, too. It's almost sour to me. And yes, I've had good steak from a proper steak house and it was still bad if it's not well done. And no, well done doesn't automatically equal dry as a bone. Only shiatty cooks dry out a steak by cooking it that way. A knowledged cook can keep it juicy.

But here's the difference. I know that this is my personal preference and I don't expect others to adhere to it nor do I begrudge others for preferring otherwise. Do what makes you happy.

But food asshats exist. I rarely eat steak. A good steakhouse will likely have a snobby biatch at the grill who will do things like give you the shiatty cuts out of spit of a well-done order. Bigger chains like Applebees (another thing that food asshats like to shiat on) are a gamble. The cooks tend to either not care and treat you equally or be bitter in general and fark with you with shiatty cuts and drying it extra on purpose because they prefer it bleeding and mushy.

Give me a "grill your own meat" place and I'd be happy. I'll get to choose a good cut and cook it the way that I like. Whiny food snobs ruined my ability to enjoy and entire type of food while at a restaurant because of "stop liking what I don't like". Fark any and all foodies.

I also cannot stand eggs over easy or any type of egg where the yolk isn't solid. That runny, slimy yolk is another thing that triggers my gag reflex. Something like steak tar-tar, mushy uncooked beef with a raw egg on it, is a food nightmare for me. Keep that shiat away from me.
2014-01-22 08:53:48 AM  
1 votes:
Who freaking cares if the writer hates bagged cheese? If I'm using it on pizza or lasagna it's going to be the cheap stuff. Fresh cheese is to price for melting.
2014-01-22 08:31:35 AM  
1 votes:
What a bunch of mooks. Are your taste buds that primitive that you only have room in your heart for one favorite cheese?

img.fark.net
2014-01-22 06:36:51 AM  
1 votes:
That 'article' was written like a bad fark post.
2014-01-22 04:53:27 AM  
1 votes:
I prefer another type of cheese, which I sincerely doubt that any of you farking philistines have ever heard of.

You could ask me what it is, but it's not my job to educate you, cheeselord.

/ tip: it's not cheese that comes from a cow or a goat
// think smaller, and more legs
2014-01-22 03:40:24 AM  
1 votes:
www.redapplecheese.com
2014-01-22 03:37:02 AM  
1 votes:

Smirky the Wonder Chimp: Wow, Fark ate the link.  I'm talking about this.

[www.widmerscheese.com image 450x450]


My grandma was from Copenhagen and taught my brother and I how to eat limburgher at a young age. Dark Rye, a slice of sweet onion and a hearty spread of this cheese is heaven (once you know how to get it past the sinuses).
2014-01-22 03:29:28 AM  
1 votes:
Jeez, some Park Slope hipster yambag writes a freelance article for Time, and everybody loses their bowels.

I only read Time for the Swimsuit Edition.
2014-01-22 03:23:51 AM  
1 votes:
I have a blue stilton and a nice D'Anjou pear in the fridge...BRB
2014-01-22 03:18:09 AM  
1 votes:

anuran: Harry_Seldon: My favorite cheese...

[www.madeinoregon.com image 850x850]


Here's how to get really good, sharp Tillamook Cheddar for a fraction of the price:
1) Buy a block of Tillamook Medium Cheddar (It's the raw material for the good stuff)
2) Take a sharpie and mark the sides Jan-Mar, Apr-Jun, Jul-Sep, Oct-Dec
3) Put the cheese in the fridge unopened with the appropriate side up
4) Next month buy another one
5) Rotate the bricks so the appropriate side is facing up
6) After a year or so you can enjoy sharp, well-aged cheese for much less money

H/T to the great food writer Raymond Sokolov
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raymond_Sokolov


While an interesting tip, I am not nearly that patient.
2014-01-22 02:59:22 AM  
1 votes:

blacksharpiemarker: Sadly, I'm certain most Americans haven't tasted what true, fresh, mozzarella is.


Not very sadly. Having little experience with 'real' mozzarella, I have no reason to b e offended by the eponymous block of dairy protein on my grocer's shelves.

Similarly, I spent the first 30 years of my life having never tasted Greek yogurt. I'd never go back to the watery stuff I was raised on now, but those ignorant years didn't hurt me in the least. Discover a process by which you can make the good stuff affordable and available here, market it, and demand will spread.
2014-01-22 02:39:12 AM  
1 votes:
So mozzarella is bad because...mozzarella is bad? But mostly the pre-shredded kind? This is why people think foodies are all assholes.
2014-01-22 02:35:19 AM  
1 votes:

fusillade762: super_grass: Nope nope nope.

I farking live processed cheese. That neon-yellow crap they serve on nachos and Totino's party pizzas? LOVE IT

[thoroughlymediocre.com image 800x600]

/in moderation of course

Totino's is a guilty pleasure for me. I think it's because I grew up on them. That and they're like a buck each.


Straight up 2% 'American' cheese slices on grilled cheese. That's it though, all other cheese is either fancy, or a product of 'damn it, I should have had dinner in the oven half an hour ago'.
2014-01-22 02:25:11 AM  
1 votes:

detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.


Unless Velveeta is made from dog anuses and Elmer's Glue, I'm still going to use it to make Potatoes Au Gratin or Chili Dip. Cheddar is just too damn greasy when it melts.
2014-01-22 02:22:07 AM  
1 votes:
I can't remember the brand, but the two individually sealed "loaves" you get at Costco are great for caprese.  As for the shredded stuff, it has its place.  Sometime there is so much going on in a dish its ok to skimp on some ingredients. With pizza or chicken parm you only need to be able to identify "Oh, hey, there's some mozzarella in this".  It would be a waste of time trying to figure out it is fresh buffalo or shredded cow, and a waste of money to buy the expensive stuff.

Same with Parmesan.  A rich heavy dish like spaghetti gets the shredded stuff (although not the Kraft powder in the green can, got to draw the line somewhere).  A carbonara, by virtue of having few ingredients, calls for breaking out the the $12 block of reggiano.

/All of this is assuming you actually use cheese, nothing is worse that plating a dish and discovering a plastic cheese barrier when you get to the table.
2014-01-22 02:11:28 AM  
1 votes:

ThatDarkFellow: Well, I'm out. There is no difference between Reddit and Fark at this point.


kthnxbye.

Enjoy /r/curvygonewild or whatever.
2014-01-22 02:08:30 AM  
1 votes:
Let's see, a quick look at Wegmans.com... 8 oz of 'Fresh' mozz (I don't really know how well it compares, but whatever) is 2.99. 16 oz block of 'regular' mozz is 3.99.

It's almost like people on a budget have to go with what can stretch the farthest, especially if they have a kid or three.
2014-01-22 01:56:58 AM  
1 votes:
Made quick-and-dirty caprese for a party last week...this stuff was surprisingly pretty great. Trader Joe's.

www.cooktj.com
2014-01-22 01:42:29 AM  
1 votes:
pics3.city-data.com

RIP damn good Mozzarella. Almost 100 years down the drain.
2014-01-22 01:40:13 AM  
1 votes:

detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Shazam999: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.

Don't be silly, Velveeta is made of orphaned babies.

Let's put it this way... it's older than you think,  And the phrase "bacteria containment hold" is a thing.


Read this recently

img1.imagesbn.com

And was really surprised at how long that stuff has been around. I had thought it a thoroughly modern invention.
2014-01-22 01:24:35 AM  
1 votes:

EmmaLou: Well, if it's going to make a foodie cry...I'll be stocking up on pre grated cheddar/mozzarella mix for my pizza.

Also, muenster is the best cheese ever. Period.


Yes, Muenster...and Havarti, and a nice runny brie, but I can't eat the moldy outside - allergic :(
2014-01-22 01:15:28 AM  
1 votes:
Used to buy balls of fresh mozzarella when I lived in Germany.  The cost the equivalent of about $1.50.  Same thing where I live here in the states dang near $6.00.  Absolutely ridiculous.  Needless to say I don't buy it often.  Also feta was about a buck for about an eight oz. block (approx).  Here I can only find tubs of pre crumbled junk for about 4 bucks for a very shallow tub.
2014-01-22 01:13:25 AM  
1 votes:

detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Shazam999: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.

Don't be silly, Velveeta is made of orphaned babies.

Let's put it this way... it's older than you think,  And the phrase "bacteria containment hold" is a thing.


That's why it's pasteurized a second (and third and fourth probably) time.
2014-01-22 01:11:03 AM  
1 votes:

blacksharpiemarker: Sadly, I'm certain most Americans haven't tasted what true, fresh, mozzarella is.


I am from SoCal, we had the best Mexican bathtub cheese.
2014-01-22 01:10:33 AM  
1 votes:

Shazam999: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.

Don't be silly, Velveeta is made of orphaned babies.


Let's put it this way... it's older than you think,  And the phrase "bacteria containment hold" is a thing.
2014-01-22 01:07:27 AM  
1 votes:
It does taste pretty bland, but so does almost all processed food. Does anyone eat it for the culinary experience, or because they need to insert organic material into the front of their head?
2014-01-22 01:03:00 AM  
1 votes:
OMG,,,,,,are the Italians insane? Don't click this link if you like cheese......

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casu_marzu
2014-01-22 01:00:44 AM  
1 votes:

Worst Name I Ever Heard: That article was bad and subby should feel bad for submitting it.


More over The page title is different from the title above the content ... kind of misleading ....
2014-01-22 12:54:17 AM  
1 votes:

Prof. Frink: rohar: fark all of you.  I've been making my own mozz since before mozz was cool!

/seriously, I make my own
//wife owns a dairy breading heard, WTF are you gonna do with all that milk?

After you've breaded them, do you deep-fry or bake? What sort of sauce do you serve with them?


You can't deep fry dairy goat.  They're too tough.  You gotta cook them low and slow.
2014-01-22 12:52:13 AM  
1 votes:

rohar: fark all of you.  I've been making my own mozz since before mozz was cool!

/seriously, I make my own
//wife owns a dairy breading heard, WTF are you gonna do with all that milk?


After you've breaded them, do you deep-fry or bake? What sort of sauce do you serve with them?
2014-01-22 12:50:31 AM  
1 votes:
Cheese Nazis.
2014-01-22 12:50:11 AM  
1 votes:
fark all of you.  I've been making my own mozz since before mozz was cool!

/seriously, I make my own
//wife owns a dairy breading heard, WTF are you gonna do with all that milk?
 
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