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(Time)   Mozzarella is bad and you should feel bad for enjoying it   (newsfeed.time.com) divider line 218
    More: Obvious, Cheddar, American Eats  
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15196 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Jan 2014 at 12:47 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-01-22 07:33:00 AM  

Gyrfalcon: Cheese Nazis.


img.fark.net
 
2014-01-22 07:36:22 AM  

forgotmydamnusername: Aigoo: forgotmydamnusername: More utter food snob bullshiat. Exotic cheeses that smell and taste like mildew or effluent usually do nothing for me. I guess Parmesan grated off a block is a slight improvement over the stuff in the green jars. I like to take the cheapest, store brand crap Mozzarella and grind it up with meat, bread crumbs and seasonings. Creates a filling for ravioli no one but those dipshiat vegetarians ever refuses to overeat.

/Got the last 2 bottles of Pliny the Elder from the pretentious hipster/yuppie grocery store nearest me, and drank them. It's not bad beer or anything, but I can name at least 6 I think are equally good, for slightly less money, and easier to come by. As is the case so often, it's not the quality of the product, it's hype and hysteria.

Had a friend who worked for Kraft for years. That shiat in the green jars, according to him, has never possessed any ingredient that has ever been near a cow, does not remotely resemble anything dairy, and should not ever be put in the same sentence with the word "cheese." He should know--he used to make it. And what the other guy says about Velveeta is 100% fact.

Ah, that would make them in violation of Federal food labeling standards then. The most interesting thing in the powdered parmesan was, according to the label, silica, i.e. ground glass or sand. Used to prevent caking, as best I can remember. Never really a fan of Velveeta. It would probably take only a little work to convert it into paint, adhesive, a wood filler, or even a form of low-quality plastic. If it actually tasted good, though, I'd eat it anyway.


Green jar parmesan powder literally makes me ill from across the room. It smells like sick baby diapers and microwave popcorn, mixed together, concentrated and rubbed in your face. The glass jar of stuff that looks like shredded parmesan is tolerable and I can eat it. The same company makes them both. I like strong cheese when it's real. Something is Evil about that powdered parmesan I tell ya.
 
2014-01-22 08:04:06 AM  

TV's Vinnie: E5bie: blacksharpiemarker: Sadly, I'm certain most Americans haven't tasted what true, fresh, mozzarella is.

Not very sadly. Having little experience with 'real' mozzarella, I have no reason to b e offended by the eponymous block of dairy protein on my grocer's shelves.

Similarly, I spent the first 30 years of my life having never tasted Greek yogurt. I'd never go back to the watery stuff I was raised on now, but those ignorant years didn't hurt me in the least. Discover a process by which you can make the good stuff affordable and available here, market it, and demand will spread.

I hate Greek style yogurt. Way too sour and firm. Prefer the creamier (not watery) type that's been available for years.


Sour? Hmm. I was raised on bulk tubs of PLAIN yogurt, which we kids were allowed to sweeten ourselves, but moderately, under close supervision. The last serving in the tub was always half water (from settling), and if mom caught us pouring the water off the top she'd grab the tub and mix it back in. (curses!)
I think by volume plain Greek takes less sugar than the regular kind, but maybe the flavored Greek is sourer than flavored regular yogurt because the target consumer is different. It's definitely firmer though, firmer like that last scoop self-served on the sly.
 
2014-01-22 08:06:11 AM  
cdn.hark.com
 
2014-01-22 08:10:29 AM  

E5bie: TV's Vinnie: E5bie: blacksharpiemarker: Sadly, I'm certain most Americans haven't tasted what true, fresh, mozzarella is.

Not very sadly. Having little experience with 'real' mozzarella, I have no reason to b e offended by the eponymous block of dairy protein on my grocer's shelves.

Similarly, I spent the first 30 years of my life having never tasted Greek yogurt. I'd never go back to the watery stuff I was raised on now, but those ignorant years didn't hurt me in the least. Discover a process by which you can make the good stuff affordable and available here, market it, and demand will spread.

I hate Greek style yogurt. Way too sour and firm. Prefer the creamier (not watery) type that's been available for years.

Sour? Hmm. I was raised on bulk tubs of PLAIN yogurt, which we kids were allowed to sweeten ourselves, but moderately, under close supervision. The last serving in the tub was always half water (from settling), and if mom caught us pouring the water off the top she'd grab the tub and mix it back in. (curses!)
I think by volume plain Greek takes less sugar than the regular kind, but maybe the flavored Greek is sourer than flavored regular yogurt because the target consumer is different. It's definitely firmer though, firmer like that last scoop self-served on the sly.


REAL Greek yogurt is made with goat's milk, so it tastes differently from standard yogurt.

However, the crap we get in the US that is labeled 'Greek yogurt' is not made with goat's milk. It's cow's milk yogurt that's retextured and flavored to emulate real Greek yogurt.

\not a foodie
\\can take or leave yogurt
\\\hated the 'Greek yogurt' I tried
\\\\rather have a good stout or porter anyway
 
2014-01-22 08:18:16 AM  

anuran: 4seasons85!: Pointy Tail of Satan: OMG,,,,,,are the Italians insane? Don't click this link if you like cheese......

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casu_marzu

Didn't click. Already know what is. It's horrifying!

I'm convinced Casu Marzu is "El Plato Gringo". You know "Let's charge the foreigner a lot of money and say it's a delicacy...Holy farking shiat HE PUT IT IN HIS MOUTH!!!"


My father, who is a native Italian, swears that this cheese is delicious. When I object to how disgusting it sounds, he assures me that it's good because the worms are born IN the cheese, so they're clean. THAT DOESN'T CHANGE ANYTHING.
 
2014-01-22 08:31:35 AM  
What a bunch of mooks. Are your taste buds that primitive that you only have room in your heart for one favorite cheese?

img.fark.net
 
2014-01-22 08:38:59 AM  

Trapper439: I prefer another type of cheese, which I sincerely doubt that any of you farking philistines have ever heard of.

You could ask me what it is, but it's not my job to educate you, cheeselord.

/ tip: it's not cheese that comes from a cow or a goat
// think smaller, and more legs


Uruguayan cockroach cheese IS hard to get in this country.
 
2014-01-22 08:39:47 AM  
Stopped reading snobby, pretentious hipster article when I saw that the author doesn't know what the word "literally" means.
 
2014-01-22 08:41:56 AM  
If I cut open a block of cheese and something oozes out, I'm throwing it out.
 
2014-01-22 08:42:00 AM  
Smoked buffalo mozzarella. Eat it and weep.
 
2014-01-22 08:47:21 AM  

Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion: Stopped reading snobby, pretentious hipster article when I saw that the author doesn't know what the word "literally" means.


So you don't think he was making an obvious wild exageration for self ironic effect?
Do you also think he really cries about it?
 
2014-01-22 08:50:12 AM  

The hopeless imp: If I cut open a block of cheese and something oozes out, I'm throwing it out.


In that case, the Camembert is probably a bit too runny for you, sir.
 
2014-01-22 08:53:48 AM  
Who freaking cares if the writer hates bagged cheese? If I'm using it on pizza or lasagna it's going to be the cheap stuff. Fresh cheese is to price for melting.
 
2014-01-22 08:56:41 AM  

Anonymous Bosch: Food people always, always always go for 3 or 3+


Bingo. I can't stand people like that. They think that only their personally preferred way is the only way and anything else is a disgrace and should be thrown out because it's garbage. Some of the worst are steak snobs.

Steak is best cooked well done. Yeah, you heard me. Cooked all the way through. No pink. No oozing red stuff. I can't stand the texture of non-well done steak. It's like eating play-dough. It triggers my gag reflex. And the taste is something awful, too. It's almost sour to me. And yes, I've had good steak from a proper steak house and it was still bad if it's not well done. And no, well done doesn't automatically equal dry as a bone. Only shiatty cooks dry out a steak by cooking it that way. A knowledged cook can keep it juicy.

But here's the difference. I know that this is my personal preference and I don't expect others to adhere to it nor do I begrudge others for preferring otherwise. Do what makes you happy.

But food asshats exist. I rarely eat steak. A good steakhouse will likely have a snobby biatch at the grill who will do things like give you the shiatty cuts out of spit of a well-done order. Bigger chains like Applebees (another thing that food asshats like to shiat on) are a gamble. The cooks tend to either not care and treat you equally or be bitter in general and fark with you with shiatty cuts and drying it extra on purpose because they prefer it bleeding and mushy.

Give me a "grill your own meat" place and I'd be happy. I'll get to choose a good cut and cook it the way that I like. Whiny food snobs ruined my ability to enjoy and entire type of food while at a restaurant because of "stop liking what I don't like". Fark any and all foodies.

I also cannot stand eggs over easy or any type of egg where the yolk isn't solid. That runny, slimy yolk is another thing that triggers my gag reflex. Something like steak tar-tar, mushy uncooked beef with a raw egg on it, is a food nightmare for me. Keep that shiat away from me.
 
2014-01-22 09:01:13 AM  
Every week we do some variation of this.  Shiatfood is mocked, and shiatfood lovers rush in to tell us how much they don't care.

See you all next week where you can remind everyone for the 500th time just how much you don't care.
 
2014-01-22 09:01:42 AM  
Subby's mom uses skim-milk mozzarella.
 
2014-01-22 09:03:38 AM  
Food of the gods.
localtvwiti.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-01-22 09:08:24 AM  

E5bie: TV's Vinnie: E5bie: blacksharpiemarker: Sadly, I'm certain most Americans haven't tasted what true, fresh, mozzarella is.

Not very sadly. Having little experience with 'real' mozzarella, I have no reason to b e offended by the eponymous block of dairy protein on my grocer's shelves.

Similarly, I spent the first 30 years of my life having never tasted Greek yogurt. I'd never go back to the watery stuff I was raised on now, but those ignorant years didn't hurt me in the least. Discover a process by which you can make the good stuff affordable and available here, market it, and demand will spread.

I hate Greek style yogurt. Way too sour and firm. Prefer the creamier (not watery) type that's been available for years.

Sour? Hmm. I was raised on bulk tubs of PLAIN yogurt, which we kids were allowed to sweeten ourselves, but moderately, under close supervision. The last serving in the tub was always half water (from settling), and if mom caught us pouring the water off the top she'd grab the tub and mix it back in. (curses!)
I think by volume plain Greek takes less sugar than the regular kind, but maybe the flavored Greek is sourer than flavored regular yogurt because the target consumer is different. It's definitely firmer though, firmer like that last scoop self-served on the sly.


"Greek" yogurt is just yogurt which has been drained
 
2014-01-22 09:10:19 AM  

legion_of_doo: I only buy Havarti made by Arla foods after people got pissed off at the Danes for the bomb hat Mohammed cartoon & started a boycott.


That is one of the dumbest reason for buying cheese you could possible have; Arla were the first to publicly apologize for the cartoons on behalf of Denmark.
You are not supporting Danish freedom of speech by giving them your money.
 
2014-01-22 09:42:45 AM  
My preferred cheese/beer/coffee/chocolate/etc. is so much better than your preferred one that it makes yours seem worse than garbage. That definitively proves that I am better than you in every way. In fact, you should probably just kill yourself now and save yourself the torture of living an entire lifetime eating/drinking nothing but that inedible swill that you somehow manage to shovel down your craw.
 
2014-01-22 09:49:23 AM  
FTA: "Burrata
 is an amazing form of mozzarella that also contains cream. Cut open the outside of the cheese, and out comes oozing a spreadable, soft substance"

I'm sorry but that sounds farking disgusting.
 
2014-01-22 09:51:03 AM  

Rapmaster2000: Every week we do some variation of this.  Shiatfood is mocked, and shiatfood lovers rush in to tell us how much they don't care.

See you all next week where you can remind everyone for the 500th time just how much you don't care.


Well actually, some of us are still more interested in explaining how you are flat wrong.

I have had foodie hipster food, and it is often WORSE than the "shiat food" you so charmingly denigrate.  Ever had authentic Chinese food?  I can tell you there is a reason that American Chinese restaurants change the recipes, it is because the original recipes are nasty.

Now the pre-shredded mozzarella I have had was, admittedly, pretty bad (or rather, pretty 'nothing') but the brick stuff next to it?  Pretty darned good and the "comes in squishy balls" goo I had once?  Uninspiring.
 
2014-01-22 09:55:32 AM  
I like a good cheese as much as the next guy, but some times you just want:
 www.seriouseats.com


And you know what? That's fine too.

I love aged Cabot cheddar. Nothing like a good pepper jack. Fresh crumbled bleu cheese on my burger? Sure!

But a couple of slices of Kraft Singles toasted between white bread with a can of condensed tomato soup is a damn fine meal as well.

Other than pre-shredded cheese being a waste of money unless you really need a lot of it and don't own a power shredder, then I understand, I'm not judging you.

Enjoy your food. Enjoy it to the fullest. Just eat it in moderation. Be healthy. We're all in this together until we can perfect interplanetary travel.
 
2014-01-22 10:05:36 AM  
The author of TFA couldn't have come across as more of a coont if the entire article consisted of "I am a coont" written over and over again.
 
2014-01-22 10:05:42 AM  
"Foodie" = "Douchebag"
 
2014-01-22 10:07:09 AM  

Harry_Seldon: My favorite cheese...

[www.madeinoregon.com image 850x850]


One of my favorites as well.  Perfect sharp cheddar.
i rarely eat them with crackers. It's to good to put on a dry piece of cardboard.
I do like slicing up some buffalo summer sausage though to use as a chaser.
 
2014-01-22 10:21:46 AM  

E5bie: I was raised on bulk tubs of PLAIN yogurt, which we kids were allowed to sweeten ourselves, but moderately, under close supervision.


"Careful. Carrrrrefulllll. Not too mu-DAMMIT YOU PUT IN TOO MUCH! YOU'RE NOT MY SON I HATE YOU! YOU ARE NOTHING TO ME!!"
 
2014-01-22 10:42:31 AM  

Dansker: CygnusDarius: ciberido: Farker Soze: I only partake in Venezuelan beaver cheese.

Not today, sir, no.

How about Cheddar?

Not much call for it, round these parts.


Not much ca-- it's the single most popular cheese in the world! .
 
2014-01-22 10:48:20 AM  

Rapmaster2000: Every week we do some variation of this.  Shiatfood is mocked, and shiatfood lovers rush in to tell us how much they don't care.

See you all next week where you can remind everyone for the 500th time just how much you don't care.


Go fark yourself hipster.
 
2014-01-22 10:56:36 AM  
Lack a worthwhile skill-set or any measurable achievements to date, but are still dying to be a condescending little prick?

"Foodie" blogging is the answer.
 
2014-01-22 11:06:29 AM  

China White Tea: Lack a worthwhile skill-set or any measurable achievements to date, but are still dying to be a condescending little prick?

"Foodie" blogging is the answer.


When the answer is "post angrily on Fark about someone who gets paid to write about his interests", what is the question?
 
2014-01-22 11:21:18 AM  

E5bie: blacksharpiemarker: Sadly, I'm certain most Americans haven't tasted what true, fresh, mozzarella is.

Not very sadly. Having little experience with 'real' mozzarella, I have no reason to b e offended by the eponymous block of dairy protein on my grocer's shelves.

Similarly, I spent the first 30 years of my life having never tasted Greek yogurt. I'd never go back to the watery stuff I was raised on now,


Don't knock the concept of "watery" yogurt until you've tried a lassi.
 
2014-01-22 11:24:47 AM  

detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Shazam999: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.
Don't be silly, Velveeta is made of orphaned babies.
Let's put it this way... it's older than you think,  And the phrase "bacteria containment hold" is a thing.


Oh yeah. I found that out when I was doing a job where I had to camp for long stretches, no refrigeration or anything. I love cheese and peanut butter gets kind of old, so I had a block of Velveeta. Damn, that stuff could freeze, melt in the sun, freeze again, turn into a puddle, and it never changed. I could still eat it and it tasted the same. Man, I love Velveeta.
 
2014-01-22 11:28:26 AM  

ladyfortuna: Let's see, a quick look at Wegmans.com... 8 oz of 'Fresh' mozz (I don't really know how well it compares, but whatever) is 2.99. 16 oz block of 'regular' mozz is 3.99.

It's almost like people on a budget have to go with what can stretch the farthest, especially if they have a kid or three.


That right there. I harbor no illusions that the 5-lb bag of Kirkland's shredded cheddar is the greatest cheese ever crafted. But it's inexpensive and we can parcel it out over a few months.

/Don't care for the Kirkland's mozzarella
//We load up on Sargento when it goes on sale.
///Chest Freezer is among the best $175 we've spent.
 
2014-01-22 11:32:25 AM  

arentol: The article is bagging on bagged pre-shredded cheeses. I am in full agreement with that aspect of the article. I buy blocks or wedges of cheese and grate it fresh myself. It always tastes way better freshly grated/sliced than the bagged stuff. Next time you are making a pizza instead of buying pre-grated cheese buy one of those cylinders of "fresh"* mozzarella and cut it in slices and spread those over the TOP** of the pizza toppings. When it is done cooking if the cheese isn't brown like the pictures below then turn the broiler on and put it on the second rack down from the top for a minute or two to get finish off the pizza properly. It is a WAY better experience.


I was wondering why Wal-Mart suddenly stopped selling the big blocks of cheese, and now most of it is the pre-shredded kind, for the same price. I figured it had to do with the pre-shredded kind being inferior. I always bought the 2-lb. blocks and shredded it myself, now I think all they have is the the more expensive brand names in the blocks. But I might go back to them anyway, the shredded stuff just isn't very good.  And I didn't even read the article.
 
2014-01-22 11:37:43 AM  
Jasper Hill Winnimere
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-01-22 11:49:42 AM  
l'Explorateur
 
2014-01-22 11:52:59 AM  
l'Explorateur avec image.
media.cheesemonthclub.com
 
2014-01-22 11:57:14 AM  
Cypress Grove Humboldt Fog
www.tastingsgourmetmarket.com
 
2014-01-22 11:59:01 AM  

HindiDiscoMonster: Jannock: Cheesus Christ, dudes a renet sucking culture snob.

/cheese puns
//cheddar late than never.
///"Americans eat 30 pounds of cheese each year", Ida thunk a country as big as this, it'd be way more.

Jesus on Cheese


Cool! Thanks for that link. Old School Amiga.
 
2014-01-22 12:07:03 PM  
For god's sake, make your own ..

/wimps
 
2014-01-22 12:10:14 PM  
www.sirena.hr
Pag cheese from Croatia, the best cheese I have ever had. Hard, sharp, sheep's milk.
 
2014-01-22 12:18:36 PM  

Shazam999: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.

Don't be silly, Velveeta is made of orphaned babies.


Must be why Martha Stewart loves it.
 
2014-01-22 12:29:28 PM  
Epoisses de Bourgogne (obligatory)
dico-cuisine.fr
/hesitated putting this one up because it's already everyone's favorite.
 
2014-01-22 12:33:18 PM  
Mozzarella is awesome.  Therefor subby and article author can go fark themselves.

Man, now I want a prosciutto and mozzarella sandwich on a baguette.  With some red wine vinegar and olive oil.  Maybe some red peppers.  And water crest or spinach.
 
2014-01-22 12:44:37 PM  

detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: meat0918: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Shazam999: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.

Don't be silly, Velveeta is made of orphaned babies.

Let's put it this way... it's older than you think,  And the phrase "bacteria containment hold" is a thing.

That's why it's pasteurized a second (and third and fourth probably) time.

It's still farking gross.


I'm guessing you don't eat alot of cheese, do you?

OMG....this cheese has MOLD on it too AAAARRRGGHHHH!!!!
 
2014-01-22 12:52:07 PM  

2KanZam: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: meat0918: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Shazam999: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.

Don't be silly, Velveeta is made of orphaned babies.

Let's put it this way... it's older than you think,  And the phrase "bacteria containment hold" is a thing.

That's why it's pasteurized a second (and third and fourth probably) time.

It's still farking gross.

I'm guessing you don't eat alot of cheese, do you?

OMG....this cheese has MOLD on it too AAAARRRGGHHHH!!!!


You have never been in a manufacturing space for cheese have you?  You have no idea what terrifying things happen.  I love moldy cheese, I just don't love cheese that has been quarantined because of dangerous pathogens found in quality sampling that is then heated up and reformed into a block that becomes Velveeta.
 
2014-01-22 01:27:45 PM  
detroitdoesntsuckthatbad:
You have never been in a manufacturing space for cheese have you?  You have no idea what terrifying things happen.  I love moldy cheese, I just don't love cheese that has been quarantined because of dangerous pathogens found in quality sampling that is then heated up and reformed into a block that becomes Velveeta.


Agreed, in many ways pasteurized cheeses are much more dangerous. Nearly all cases of cheese related sickness is from pasteurized cheeses that have been exposed to pathogens. Whereas raw cheese does not go bad, it goes good.
Mozzarella cheese, however does not rot into goodness. It's fresh. Often it is sold the same day it is milked.
www.oscargreen.it
Teresa Palmieri of Tenuta Vannulo, a Campana, Italy. None of their cheese is exported. If you want some of her family's Mozzarella di Bufala you have to go there. Early. The buffalo are milked in the morning. They sell out every day before noon.
 
2014-01-22 01:32:11 PM  

Dansker: (Ignored: Dickbag)


The joke is the smarm and superiority that comes with this. This Secret Brotherhood circlejerking about the tradition and the blah blah blah I forget what you said and I don't feel like reloading the page to find out.

Did I come into a food thread just to call food people names? Yes! Yes I did. That's what the thread was set up for- mockery of people and attitudes like this. That was the point. If you have a problem with it, talk to subby.
 
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