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(Time)   Mozzarella is bad and you should feel bad for enjoying it   (newsfeed.time.com) divider line 218
    More: Obvious, Cheddar, American Eats  
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15181 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Jan 2014 at 12:47 AM (47 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



218 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-01-22 02:53:24 AM  

Ego edo infantia cattus: Well, I'm lactose intolerant, so I do feel bad when I enjoy mozzarella subby. Also, aged gouda. Sweet, sweet, aged gouda. Damn you subby!


You have my deepest sympathy. Now I'll go eat enough for both of us.
 
2014-01-22 02:54:12 AM  

detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.


...I've always said this: If the entire population of the United States suddenly knew how all of their food was made, from hamburgers to "organic" food, a good percentage would choose to starve to death.  People don't realize what atrocities and disgusting things must happen at pretty much every stage of the process to bring any food to them, no matter how "natural" it is.
 
2014-01-22 02:57:03 AM  

Harry_Seldon: My favorite cheese...

[www.madeinoregon.com image 850x850]



Here's how to get really good, sharp Tillamook Cheddar for a fraction of the price:
1) Buy a block of Tillamook Medium Cheddar (It's the raw material for the good stuff)
2) Take a sharpie and mark the sides Jan-Mar, Apr-Jun, Jul-Sep, Oct-Dec
3) Put the cheese in the fridge unopened with the appropriate side up
4) Next month buy another one
5) Rotate the bricks so the appropriate side is facing up
6) After a year or so you can enjoy sharp, well-aged cheese for much less money

H/T to the great food writer Raymond Sokolov
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raymond_Sokolov
 
2014-01-22 02:59:22 AM  

blacksharpiemarker: Sadly, I'm certain most Americans haven't tasted what true, fresh, mozzarella is.


Not very sadly. Having little experience with 'real' mozzarella, I have no reason to b e offended by the eponymous block of dairy protein on my grocer's shelves.

Similarly, I spent the first 30 years of my life having never tasted Greek yogurt. I'd never go back to the watery stuff I was raised on now, but those ignorant years didn't hurt me in the least. Discover a process by which you can make the good stuff affordable and available here, market it, and demand will spread.
 
2014-01-22 03:00:59 AM  

arentol: The article is bagging on bagged pre-shredded cheeses. I am in full agreement with that aspect of the article. I buy blocks or wedges of cheese and grate it fresh myself. It always tastes way better freshly grated/sliced than the bagged stuff. Next time you are making a pizza instead of buying pre-grated cheese buy one of those cylinders of "fresh"* mozzarella and cut it in slices and spread those over the TOP** of the pizza toppings. When it is done cooking if the cheese isn't brown like the pictures below then turn the broiler on and put it on the second rack down from the top for a minute or two to get finish off the pizza properly. It is a WAY better experience.

And if you are ever in Lynnwood Washington stop in at Sparta's Pizza. They use real and fresh (made in the last 24-48 hours) mozzarella and put it on properly... Non-grated (It looks that way to me anyway), thick enough to actually taste and enjoy, and cooked to a nice golden-brown for even more flavor. See pics below for an idea of what I am talking about....






*Mozzarella is meant to be eaten the day it is made, so that stuff isn't technically fresh, but it is still way better than pre-grated.
**Putting the mozzarella entirely on top is sometimes called "Greek style". Normal style is to put most of the cheese on the bottom with just a bit extra thrown on top. Greek style puts it all on top and it really highlights good cheese in a way the normal method doesn't.


Oh goody. That's geographically within my reach!
 
2014-01-22 03:02:58 AM  
Stopped reading at foodie.
 
2014-01-22 03:03:17 AM  

4seasons85!: Pointy Tail of Satan: OMG,,,,,,are the Italians insane? Don't click this link if you like cheese......

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casu_marzu

Didn't click. Already know what is. It's horrifying!


I'm convinced Casu Marzu is "El Plato Gringo". You know "Let's charge the foreigner a lot of money and say it's a delicacy...Holy farking shiat HE PUT IT IN HIS MOUTH!!!"
 
2014-01-22 03:05:37 AM  
How is it that a person can get paid to write an article that has neither a beginning, a middle, nor an end?  This "article" looks more like the notes I would take before sitting down to craft something intelligible.

Also, it is important that everyone go get a bad-ass slice of sourdough and cover it with gouda.  Put it in the toaster oven until everything is gooey and beginning to brown on the corners.  Cover that with avocado slices and stone-ground mustard.  Eat, then roll around on the floor making happy noises for a while.
 
2014-01-22 03:12:07 AM  
Once you get used to the smell--and yeah, you can--this shiat is like Crack.  Slice it thick, put it on black rye with some sharp red onion and the hottest, spiciest mustard you can find, eat it accompanied by a dark beer.  Abita Abbey Ale works pretty well with it.
 
2014-01-22 03:12:32 AM  
Of all of that the only thing close to a legitimate complaint was that the shredded stuff in the bag dries out quickly.

The rest was uneducated nonsense form someone with no real understanding of even the basics of how food is grown, processed, and distributed and what it means to be an ingredient rather than a complete dish in itself.
 
2014-01-22 03:13:52 AM  
Wow, Fark ate the link.  I'm talking about this.

www.widmerscheese.com
 
2014-01-22 03:14:01 AM  

arentol: The article is bagging on bagged pre-shredded cheeses. I am in full agreement with that aspect of the article. I buy blocks or wedges of cheese and grate it fresh myself. It always tastes way better freshly grated/sliced than the bagged stuff. Next time you are making a pizza instead of buying pre-grated cheese buy one of those cylinders of "fresh"* mozzarella and cut it in slices and spread those over the TOP** of the pizza toppings. When it is done cooking if the cheese isn't brown like the pictures below then turn the broiler on and put it on the second rack down from the top for a minute or two to get finish off the pizza properly. It is a WAY better experience.

And if you are ever in Lynnwood Washington stop in at Sparta's Pizza. They use real and fresh (made in the last 24-48 hours) mozzarella and put it on properly... Non-grated (It looks that way to me anyway), thick enough to actually taste and enjoy, and cooked to a nice golden-brown for even more flavor. See pics below for an idea of what I am talking about....

[s3-media1.ak.yelpcdn.com image 533x400]

[a3.urbancdn.com image 480x640]


*Mozzarella is meant to be eaten the day it is made, so that stuff isn't technically fresh, but it is still way better than pre-grated.
**Putting the mozzarella entirely on top is sometimes called "Greek style". Normal style is to put most of the cheese on the bottom with just a bit extra thrown on top. Greek style puts it all on top and it really highlights good cheese in a way the normal method doesn't.


Or you can drive another 8mi North to Giorgios in Everett and get something superior. But Spartas is fine if you don't want to risk being shot.
 
2014-01-22 03:16:33 AM  

rosekolodny: How is it that a person can get paid to write an article that has neither a beginning, a middle, nor an end?  This "article" looks more like the notes I would take before sitting down to craft something intelligible.

I agree.

Also, it is important that everyone go get a bad-ass slice of sourdough and cover it with gouda.  Put it in the toaster oven until everything is gooey and beginning to brown on the corners.  Cover that with avocado slices and stone-ground mustard.  Eat, then roll around on the floor making happy noises for a while.

Can't get sourdough in Monterey. Will substitute fresh baguette. Maybe add pickled roasted red pepper.
img.fark.net
 
2014-01-22 03:18:09 AM  

anuran: Harry_Seldon: My favorite cheese...

[www.madeinoregon.com image 850x850]


Here's how to get really good, sharp Tillamook Cheddar for a fraction of the price:
1) Buy a block of Tillamook Medium Cheddar (It's the raw material for the good stuff)
2) Take a sharpie and mark the sides Jan-Mar, Apr-Jun, Jul-Sep, Oct-Dec
3) Put the cheese in the fridge unopened with the appropriate side up
4) Next month buy another one
5) Rotate the bricks so the appropriate side is facing up
6) After a year or so you can enjoy sharp, well-aged cheese for much less money

H/T to the great food writer Raymond Sokolov
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raymond_Sokolov


While an interesting tip, I am not nearly that patient.
 
2014-01-22 03:19:05 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy: I'd cut my hand open and bleed to death for a slice of this food of the gods.

[media.oregonlive.com image 480x376]


I have family who are alumni.  We get a can of that every year for Christmas.  I'm not a big fan of it, while it is nice and sharp it's a bit on the dry side so melting it into things is not easy.   I made a bechemel based mac and cheese with it and it was good.

They do have online ordering for the stuff,   http://cougarcheese.wsu.edu/
 
2014-01-22 03:20:32 AM  

Harry_Seldon: My favorite cheese...

[www.madeinoregon.com image 850x850]


Try this. Expensive, but very delicious:
blog.seattlepi.com
 
2014-01-22 03:22:49 AM  

anuran: 4seasons85!: Pointy Tail of Satan: OMG,,,,,,are the Italians insane? Don't click this link if you like cheese......

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casu_marzu

Didn't click. Already know what is. It's horrifying!

I'm convinced Casu Marzu is "El Plato Gringo". You know "Let's charge the foreigner a lot of money and say it's a delicacy...Holy farking shiat HE PUT IT IN HIS MOUTH!!!"


That wouldn't surprise me. How someone would willingly put maggot cheese anywhere near their mouth is beyond me. There are even stories that these maggots have been know to enter nasal passages and bore into people's heads.... but yes let's eat this cheese! :/
 
2014-01-22 03:23:51 AM  
I have a blue stilton and a nice D'Anjou pear in the fridge...BRB
 
2014-01-22 03:28:28 AM  

Devil's Playground: Harry_Seldon: My favorite cheese...

[www.madeinoregon.com image 850x850]

Try this. Expensive, but very delicious:
[blog.seattlepi.com image 472x325]


Not sure if you are sticking it to me, or not.

//Go Ducks!
 
2014-01-22 03:29:28 AM  
Jeez, some Park Slope hipster yambag writes a freelance article for Time, and everybody loses their bowels.

I only read Time for the Swimsuit Edition.
 
2014-01-22 03:37:02 AM  

Smirky the Wonder Chimp: Wow, Fark ate the link.  I'm talking about this.

[www.widmerscheese.com image 450x450]


My grandma was from Copenhagen and taught my brother and I how to eat limburgher at a young age. Dark Rye, a slice of sweet onion and a hearty spread of this cheese is heaven (once you know how to get it past the sinuses).
 
2014-01-22 03:40:17 AM  

E5bie: blacksharpiemarker: Sadly, I'm certain most Americans haven't tasted what true, fresh, mozzarella is.

Not very sadly. Having little experience with 'real' mozzarella, I have no reason to b e offended by the eponymous block of dairy protein on my grocer's shelves.

Similarly, I spent the first 30 years of my life having never tasted Greek yogurt. I'd never go back to the watery stuff I was raised on now, but those ignorant years didn't hurt me in the least. Discover a process by which you can make the good stuff affordable and available here, market it, and demand will spread.


I hate Greek style yogurt. Way too sour and firm. Prefer the creamier (not watery) type that's been available for years.
 
2014-01-22 03:40:24 AM  
www.redapplecheese.com
 
2014-01-22 03:42:48 AM  

Harry_Seldon: Devil's Playground: Harry_Seldon: My favorite cheese...

[www.madeinoregon.com image 850x850]

Try this. Expensive, but very delicious:
[blog.seattlepi.com image 472x325]

Not sure if you are sticking it to me, or not.

//Go Ducks!


Oh, heavens no! I love Tillamook and their products. (In addition to the aged white cheddar, my favorite ice cream is their Chocolate Peanut butter.) I just think Cougar gold is the best sharp cheddar I've ever had.

/This blue cheese and pear are really good.
 
2014-01-22 03:45:48 AM  
Brie, Camembert, and Cambozola are the shiat, with exceptions for Havarti when snacking and gruyere for French Onion Soup. I dunno how many udders got sore feeding my Cambozola-in-tomato-soup habit, but it was totally worth it.

/ hey, they weren't MY udders
 
2014-01-22 03:48:13 AM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-01-22 04:00:35 AM  

NorthernMT: Used to buy balls of fresh mozzarella when I lived in Germany.  The cost the equivalent of about $1.50.  Same thing where I live here in the states dang near $6.00.  Absolutely ridiculous.  Needless to say I don't buy it often.  Also feta was about a buck for about an eight oz. block (approx).  Here I can only find tubs of pre crumbled junk for about 4 bucks for a very shallow tub.


Seek our your local Middle Eastern food purveyor.
 
2014-01-22 04:02:50 AM  

forgotmydamnusername: More utter food snob bullshiat. Exotic cheeses that smell and taste like mildew or effluent usually do nothing for me. I guess Parmesan grated off a block is a slight improvement over the stuff in the green jars. I like to take the cheapest, store brand crap Mozzarella and grind it up with meat, bread crumbs and seasonings. Creates a filling for ravioli no one but those dipshiat vegetarians ever refuses to overeat.

/Got the last 2 bottles of Pliny the Elder from the pretentious hipster/yuppie grocery store nearest me, and drank them. It's not bad beer or anything, but I can name at least 6 I think are equally good, for slightly less money, and easier to come by. As is the case so often, it's not the quality of the product, it's hype and hysteria.


Had a friend who worked for Kraft for years. That shiat in the green jars, according to him, has never possessed any ingredient that has ever been near a cow, does not remotely resemble anything dairy, and should not ever be put in the same sentence with the word "cheese." He should know--he used to make it. And what the other guy says about Velveeta is 100% fact.
 
2014-01-22 04:12:42 AM  

GodComplex: arentol: The article is bagging on bagged pre-shredded cheeses. I am in full agreement with that aspect of the article. I buy blocks or wedges of cheese and grate it fresh myself. It always tastes way better freshly grated/sliced than the bagged stuff. Next time you are making a pizza instead of buying pre-grated cheese buy one of those cylinders of "fresh"* mozzarella and cut it in slices and spread those over the TOP** of the pizza toppings. When it is done cooking if the cheese isn't brown like the pictures below then turn the broiler on and put it on the second rack down from the top for a minute or two to get finish off the pizza properly. It is a WAY better experience.

And if you are ever in Lynnwood Washington stop in at Sparta's Pizza. They use real and fresh (made in the last 24-48 hours) mozzarella and put it on properly... Non-grated (It looks that way to me anyway), thick enough to actually taste and enjoy, and cooked to a nice golden-brown for even more flavor. See pics below for an idea of what I am talking about....

[s3-media1.ak.yelpcdn.com image 533x400]

[a3.urbancdn.com image 480x640]


*Mozzarella is meant to be eaten the day it is made, so that stuff isn't technically fresh, but it is still way better than pre-grated.
**Putting the mozzarella entirely on top is sometimes called "Greek style". Normal style is to put most of the cheese on the bottom with just a bit extra thrown on top. Greek style puts it all on top and it really highlights good cheese in a way the normal method doesn't.

Or you can drive another 8mi North to Giorgios in Everett and get something superior. But Spartas is fine if you don't want to risk being shot.


Well shiat. When did Hilltop move to Everett?
 
2014-01-22 04:13:35 AM  
www.thetask.com

Habanero cheddar...

Words can't describe the awesome.
 
2014-01-22 04:19:23 AM  

Aigoo: forgotmydamnusername: More utter food snob bullshiat. Exotic cheeses that smell and taste like mildew or effluent usually do nothing for me. I guess Parmesan grated off a block is a slight improvement over the stuff in the green jars. I like to take the cheapest, store brand crap Mozzarella and grind it up with meat, bread crumbs and seasonings. Creates a filling for ravioli no one but those dipshiat vegetarians ever refuses to overeat.

/Got the last 2 bottles of Pliny the Elder from the pretentious hipster/yuppie grocery store nearest me, and drank them. It's not bad beer or anything, but I can name at least 6 I think are equally good, for slightly less money, and easier to come by. As is the case so often, it's not the quality of the product, it's hype and hysteria.

Had a friend who worked for Kraft for years. That shiat in the green jars, according to him, has never possessed any ingredient that has ever been near a cow, does not remotely resemble anything dairy, and should not ever be put in the same sentence with the word "cheese." He should know--he used to make it. And what the other guy says about Velveeta is 100% fact.


Ah, that would make them in violation of Federal food labeling standards then. The most interesting thing in the powdered parmesan was, according to the label, silica, i.e. ground glass or sand. Used to prevent caking, as best I can remember. Never really a fan of Velveeta. It would probably take only a little work to convert it into paint, adhesive, a wood filler, or even a form of low-quality plastic. If it actually tasted good, though, I'd eat it anyway.
 
2014-01-22 04:22:00 AM  
Most American cheese is half way to the tub of anonymous goo Frito is eating in "Idiocracy."

Real Italian mozzerella di Bufala is so god because it has a texture somewhere between perfectly roasted chicken breast and Mannah from heaven.

/I had a cheese in Italy that was covered in thick grey "fur" with white and black spots.  When the guy cut into it, and orange ooze the consistency of Elmer's Glue-All creeped out.  The taste burned so much I could feel my Eustachian tubes
 
2014-01-22 04:26:10 AM  
I am not any kind of foodie or food hipster, but I'll happy agree with the poster on the pre-shredded cheese.  I do sometimes get the four-cheese Mexican to throw in cheap tacos or chili, but that's it.  Otherwise, I get a block and grate it myself.
 
2014-01-22 04:53:27 AM  
I prefer another type of cheese, which I sincerely doubt that any of you farking philistines have ever heard of.

You could ask me what it is, but it's not my job to educate you, cheeselord.

/ tip: it's not cheese that comes from a cow or a goat
// think smaller, and more legs
 
2014-01-22 05:07:20 AM  
multimedia.pol.dk

An article written by a person who doesn't even know what farking mozzarella is.
 
2014-01-22 05:38:07 AM  
cheese is a turd; there are far superior foods at the market to consume.
 
2014-01-22 06:01:17 AM  
Burrata is an amazing form of mozzarella that also contains cream. Cut open the outside of the cheese, and out comes oozing a spreadable, soft substance...


themidnightalliance.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-01-22 06:27:34 AM  

Gyrfalcon: Cheese Nazis.


I hate cheese Nazis.
 
2014-01-22 06:33:15 AM  

Anonymous Bosch: There are three levels of non-academic criticism. They are, in order of abrasiveness:

1) Personal on the part of the critic. "I don't like this."

2) Generalization. "this is bad."

3) Personal attack/telling you what to do. "you shouldn't like this."

3+) Openly insulting your taste and telling you what to do. "You shouldn't like the foods you like, eat this instead. What do you mean you can't afford artisanal cheese? fark you, peasant."

Food people always, always always go for 3 or 3+.


Generally speaking, they sound pretty bad.

Car people aren't this bad because the cost of collecting is a trusty gatekeeper. Fashion people kind of are, but we've known for decades they're vapid, shallow twats, and those of us who aren't recognize clothing-as-personal statement/status symbol as an opt-in activity.

Food people are really bad.

But no, it's something about the fact that everyone eats and drinks that makes that particular sphere into a Tournament of Dickbags- that magical contest of trivia and elitism.

People shouldn't like to talk about food and be enthusiastic about ingredients, quality and traditions, so you're posting in a food thread to say you don't like food people, food people are always very bad, and also dickbags.
Is that the joke?
 
2014-01-22 06:34:40 AM  

CygnusDarius: ciberido: Farker Soze: I only partake in Venezuelan beaver cheese.

Not today, sir, no.

How about Cheddar?


Not much call for it, round these parts.
 
2014-01-22 06:36:51 AM  
That 'article' was written like a bad fark post.
 
2014-01-22 06:53:02 AM  

doyner: Stupid farking article.  If it's not mozzarella di buffala da Mondragone, it isn't farking mozzarella.  The shiat they're talking about is standard American plastic food--all colors and "flavors" being equally garbage.

Processed shiat is processed shiat.

Mozzarella is heaven.

Know the difference you worthless assholes.

/rant.


I think you mean "if it isn't made by Vito's or Fiore's in Hoboken,dipped in salt water, and served on Dom's bread.....than it's crap!"
 
2014-01-22 06:58:57 AM  
I wish I had so few real problems and so much time on my hands that I could too could sit around and write articles about my ire over what other people eat.

/goddamn foodies
 
2014-01-22 07:02:14 AM  

ThatDarkFellow: Well, I'm out. There is no difference between Reddit and Fark at this point.


FARK isn't an echo chamber.
 
2014-01-22 07:12:03 AM  
wa1.cdn.morefm.co.nz
MMMmmmm.... Cheese.....

/'murica
 
2014-01-22 07:17:22 AM  

ReverendJasen: I wish I had so few real problems and so much time on my hands that I could too could sit around and write articles about my ire over what other people eat.

/goddamn foodies


At least you had time to read the article and post a comment about it. And you're not even getting paid for your effort, unlike the author, who is doing it because it pays his bills.
 
2014-01-22 07:18:43 AM  

4seasons85!: anuran: 4seasons85!: Pointy Tail of Satan: OMG,,,,,,are the Italians insane? Don't click this link if you like cheese......

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casu_marzu

Didn't click. Already know what is. It's horrifying!

I'm convinced Casu Marzu is "El Plato Gringo". You know "Let's charge the foreigner a lot of money and say it's a delicacy...Holy farking shiat HE PUT IT IN HIS MOUTH!!!"

That wouldn't surprise me. How someone would willingly put maggot cheese anywhere near their mouth is beyond me. There are even stories that these maggots have been know to enter nasal passages and bore into people's heads.... but yes let's eat this cheese! :/


The thing about El Plato Gringo is that it almost always *was* a delicacy, at least once upon a time, for the proto-hipsters of the day that created it.

Personally I don't consider casu marzu to be cheese, we don't call cow poop "grass and feed mix" do we?  But when foodie hipster douchebags enter the mix all bets, hygiene, and flavor are off.
 
2014-01-22 07:23:42 AM  
If you can find it, try some Pleasant Ridge Reserve. It is one of the best and has been judged so, cheese in the states.
 
2014-01-22 07:23:42 AM  
But what if it's "Hand crafted vintage artisan Mozzarella?"
 
2014-01-22 07:24:13 AM  

forgotmydamnusername: The most interesting thing in the powdered parmesan was, according to the label, silica, i.e. ground glass or sand. Used to prevent caking, as best I can remember.


Cellulose powder, not silica, which is, basically, a non-water-soluble sugar that is found in damn near everything.
 
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