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(Time)   Mozzarella is bad and you should feel bad for enjoying it   (newsfeed.time.com) divider line 218
    More: Obvious, Cheddar, American Eats  
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15190 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Jan 2014 at 12:47 AM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



218 Comments   (+0 »)
   
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2014-01-22 01:34:26 AM  
More utter food snob bullshiat. Exotic cheeses that smell and taste like mildew or effluent usually do nothing for me. I guess Parmesan grated off a block is a slight improvement over the stuff in the green jars. I like to take the cheapest, store brand crap Mozzarella and grind it up with meat, bread crumbs and seasonings. Creates a filling for ravioli no one but those dipshiat vegetarians ever refuses to overeat.

/Got the last 2 bottles of Pliny the Elder from the pretentious hipster/yuppie grocery store nearest me, and drank them. It's not bad beer or anything, but I can name at least 6 I think are equally good, for slightly less money, and easier to come by. As is the case so often, it's not the quality of the product, it's hype and hysteria.
 
2014-01-22 01:34:41 AM  
oh god someone had to say mozarella now where am I going to get good bocconcini and tomatoes at this time?

/Emmental is the worst cheese. farking foul.
 
2014-01-22 01:37:50 AM  

Harry_Seldon: My favorite cheese...

[www.madeinoregon.com image 850x850]


Hell yeah. Tillamook is the shiat. *fistbump*
 
2014-01-22 01:38:10 AM  

doyner: Stupid farking article.  If it's not mozzarella di buffala da Mondragone, it isn't farking mozzarella.  The shiat they're talking about is standard American plastic food--all colors and "flavors" being equally garbage.

Processed shiat is processed shiat.

Mozzarella is heaven.

Know the difference you worthless assholes.

/rant.


You know, I've had real "buffalo" mozzerella; it's awsome, but fresh cow's milk mozz has its place, as well.
 
2014-01-22 01:39:21 AM  
I love a good cheese.  Blues are my favorite, but I like a variety and I'll try almost anything (yes, that absolutely does exclude Casu Marzu.  No maggots, thanks.)  I haven't had fresh curd since I drove through Wisconsin years ago, and I remember how much ass that kicked.  I don't like Limburger, though.

But good cheese is so expensive here.

And the not so amazing cheese is readily available at my crappy neighborhood grocery store, so that's what I eat most of the time.

But I won't touch the Velveeta.  Ever.
 
2014-01-22 01:39:42 AM  
Cabot Old School Cheddar, aged 5 years, 0 grams of lactose, Kosher, Halal, no dyes, sharp as you could wish.
img.fark.net
img.fark.netMade by a dairy cooperative in Vermont. The best cheddar on Earth.
 
2014-01-22 01:40:01 AM  
 
2014-01-22 01:40:13 AM  

detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Shazam999: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.

Don't be silly, Velveeta is made of orphaned babies.

Let's put it this way... it's older than you think,  And the phrase "bacteria containment hold" is a thing.


Read this recently

img1.imagesbn.com

And was really surprised at how long that stuff has been around. I had thought it a thoroughly modern invention.
 
2014-01-22 01:41:12 AM  

chitownmike: Mentat: These bags of pre-grated, fibrous strings of dairy-like substance that come dusted with preservatives are literally the devil. They make foodies cry. No one should ever be forgiven for buying them, and don't even ask about Kraft's green cylinders of atomized parmesan dust.

Go fark yourself hipster.

I am glad you are happy eating shiat food, good for you


I don't like shiat food but I'm still more than happy to let others. So what if my neighbor likes Walmart bologna and cheeswiz?
 
2014-01-22 01:41:26 AM  
Harry_Seldon: My favorite cheese...

Couldn't agree more. Tillamook is great stuff.
 
2014-01-22 01:42:29 AM  
pics3.city-data.com

RIP damn good Mozzarella. Almost 100 years down the drain.
 
2014-01-22 01:43:12 AM  

fusillade762: Harry_Seldon: My favorite cheese...

[www.madeinoregon.com image 850x850]

Hell yeah. Tillamook is the shiat. *fistbump*


That stuff is the super powered hash of cheddar cheese, it's f*ing amazing and made less then 100 miles north of me.
 
2014-01-22 01:43:15 AM  
I have never taken any advice, ever, from a guy named Kyle, and I don't plan on ever doing so.
 
2014-01-22 01:44:05 AM  
Who the fark CARES what a foodie thinks?
 
2014-01-22 01:44:43 AM  
The author and you guys hating on bagged mozzarella must be fun at pizza parties.
 
2014-01-22 01:50:59 AM  
Your blog sucks.
 
2014-01-22 01:56:58 AM  
Made quick-and-dirty caprese for a party last week...this stuff was surprisingly pretty great. Trader Joe's.

www.cooktj.com
 
2014-01-22 02:02:50 AM  
I'd cut my hand open and bleed to death for a slice of this food of the gods.

media.oregonlive.com
 
2014-01-22 02:07:57 AM  

ThatDarkFellow: Well, I'm out. There is no difference between Reddit and Fark at this point.


Except the ability to downvote the submitter and give him a proper "fark you."
 
2014-01-22 02:08:21 AM  
No.

F*ck you.
 
2014-01-22 02:08:30 AM  
Let's see, a quick look at Wegmans.com... 8 oz of 'Fresh' mozz (I don't really know how well it compares, but whatever) is 2.99. 16 oz block of 'regular' mozz is 3.99.

It's almost like people on a budget have to go with what can stretch the farthest, especially if they have a kid or three.
 
2014-01-22 02:10:04 AM  
Cheesus Christ, dudes a renet sucking culture snob.

/cheese puns
//cheddar late than never.
///"Americans eat 30 pounds of cheese each year", Ida thunk a country as big as this, it'd be way more.
 
2014-01-22 02:10:13 AM  
I only partake in Venezuelan beaver cheese.
 
2014-01-22 02:10:41 AM  

Gyrfalcon: chitownmike: Mentat: chitownmike: Mentat: These bags of pre-grated, fibrous strings of dairy-like substance that come dusted with preservatives are literally the devil. They make foodies cry. No one should ever be forgiven for buying them, and don't even ask about Kraft's green cylinders of atomized parmesan dust.

Go fark yourself hipster.

I am glad you are happy eating shiat food, good for you

Go fark yourself hipster.

yeah, I heard you the first time

He lives in Chicago, how "hip" can he be?


Sadly, he could be very "hip".

http://www.brokehipster.com/
 
2014-01-22 02:11:08 AM  

Harry_Seldon: My favorite cheese...

[www.madeinoregon.com image 850x850]


The sharper the better.
 
2014-01-22 02:11:28 AM  

ThatDarkFellow: Well, I'm out. There is no difference between Reddit and Fark at this point.


kthnxbye.

Enjoy /r/curvygonewild or whatever.
 
2014-01-22 02:13:57 AM  

Pointy Tail of Satan: OMG,,,,,,are the Italians insane? Don't click this link if you like cheese......

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casu_marzu


Didn't click. Already know what is. It's horrifying!
 
2014-01-22 02:14:43 AM  
I was lucky to enough to go to Sorrento this summer, and I stuffed myself with buffalo mozzarella for three days straight. PURE HEAVEN. I wouldn't be so silly as to look down on people who eat the shredded stuff, but man, if you get the chance to get the real deal, it's worth it.

/Buffalito Inn was a little pricey, but served us a fat ball of mozzarella I could have eaten all by myself as a main course.
//I really like cheese.
 
2014-01-22 02:16:32 AM  
The article is bagging on bagged pre-shredded cheeses. I am in full agreement with that aspect of the article. I buy blocks or wedges of cheese and grate it fresh myself. It always tastes way better freshly grated/sliced than the bagged stuff. Next time you are making a pizza instead of buying pre-grated cheese buy one of those cylinders of "fresh"* mozzarella and cut it in slices and spread those over the TOP** of the pizza toppings. When it is done cooking if the cheese isn't brown like the pictures below then turn the broiler on and put it on the second rack down from the top for a minute or two to get finish off the pizza properly. It is a WAY better experience.

And if you are ever in Lynnwood Washington stop in at Sparta's Pizza. They use real and fresh (made in the last 24-48 hours) mozzarella and put it on properly... Non-grated (It looks that way to me anyway), thick enough to actually taste and enjoy, and cooked to a nice golden-brown for even more flavor. See pics below for an idea of what I am talking about....

s3-media1.ak.yelpcdn.com

a3.urbancdn.com


*Mozzarella is meant to be eaten the day it is made, so that stuff isn't technically fresh, but it is still way better than pre-grated.
**Putting the mozzarella entirely on top is sometimes called "Greek style". Normal style is to put most of the cheese on the bottom with just a bit extra thrown on top. Greek style puts it all on top and it really highlights good cheese in a way the normal method doesn't.
 
2014-01-22 02:18:41 AM  
Nope nope nope.

I farking live processed cheese. That neon-yellow crap they serve on nachos and Totino's party pizzas? LOVE IT

thoroughlymediocre.com

/in moderation of course
 
2014-01-22 02:18:56 AM  

arentol: And if you are ever in Lynnwood Washington don't stop in at Sparta's Pizza. They use real and fresh (made in the last 24-48 hours) mozzarella and put it on properly... Non-grated (It looks that way to me anyway), thick enough to actually taste and enjoy, and cooked to a nice golden-brown for even more flavor. See pics below for an idea of what I am talking about....


FTFY.
 
2014-01-22 02:22:07 AM  
I can't remember the brand, but the two individually sealed "loaves" you get at Costco are great for caprese.  As for the shredded stuff, it has its place.  Sometime there is so much going on in a dish its ok to skimp on some ingredients. With pizza or chicken parm you only need to be able to identify "Oh, hey, there's some mozzarella in this".  It would be a waste of time trying to figure out it is fresh buffalo or shredded cow, and a waste of money to buy the expensive stuff.

Same with Parmesan.  A rich heavy dish like spaghetti gets the shredded stuff (although not the Kraft powder in the green can, got to draw the line somewhere).  A carbonara, by virtue of having few ingredients, calls for breaking out the the $12 block of reggiano.

/All of this is assuming you actually use cheese, nothing is worse that plating a dish and discovering a plastic cheese barrier when you get to the table.
 
2014-01-22 02:24:18 AM  

thisisyourbrainonFark: Yeah, let's get the party started!

http://news.cnet.com/8301-17938_105-57613385-1/cheese-made-from-huma n- toe-jam-belly-button-bacteria/


Got some casu marzu?
 
2014-01-22 02:24:55 AM  
(To go with the cheese)
 
2014-01-22 02:25:11 AM  

detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.


Unless Velveeta is made from dog anuses and Elmer's Glue, I'm still going to use it to make Potatoes Au Gratin or Chili Dip. Cheddar is just too damn greasy when it melts.
 
2014-01-22 02:27:29 AM  

detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Shazam999: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.

Don't be silly, Velveeta is made of orphaned babies.

Let's put it this way... it's older than you think,  And the phrase "bacteria containment hold" is a thing.


Isn't all cheese a culture of bacteria?
 
2014-01-22 02:29:11 AM  

super_grass: Nope nope nope.

I farking live processed cheese. That neon-yellow crap they serve on nachos and Totino's party pizzas? LOVE IT

[thoroughlymediocre.com image 800x600]

/in moderation of course


Totino's is a guilty pleasure for me. I think it's because I grew up on them. That and they're like a buck each.
 
2014-01-22 02:31:09 AM  
Burrata. That is all.
 
2014-01-22 02:34:01 AM  
Foodie thread!

<grabs popcorn>

Oh.
 
2014-01-22 02:34:32 AM  
Sorry, maroille is the worst cheese.

stellamaris.blogs.capfrance.com
 
2014-01-22 02:35:19 AM  

fusillade762: super_grass: Nope nope nope.

I farking live processed cheese. That neon-yellow crap they serve on nachos and Totino's party pizzas? LOVE IT

[thoroughlymediocre.com image 800x600]

/in moderation of course

Totino's is a guilty pleasure for me. I think it's because I grew up on them. That and they're like a buck each.


Straight up 2% 'American' cheese slices on grilled cheese. That's it though, all other cheese is either fancy, or a product of 'damn it, I should have had dinner in the oven half an hour ago'.
 
2014-01-22 02:36:50 AM  

TV's Vinnie: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.

Unless Velveeta is made from dog anuses and Elmer's Glue, I'm still going to use it to make Potatoes Au Gratin or Chili Dip. Cheddar is just too damn greasy when it melts.


The Elmer's Glue part might not be that far off. Pretty high in casein, and doesn't have to be refrigerated, after all.
 
2014-01-22 02:38:27 AM  
I love pretty much all cheeses, but I must say the cheese in Hot Pockets tastes like soap.
 
2014-01-22 02:39:12 AM  
So mozzarella is bad because...mozzarella is bad? But mostly the pre-shredded kind? This is why people think foodies are all assholes.
 
2014-01-22 02:39:55 AM  
fark you, article twat. Without garbage mozzarella there is no string cheese.
 
2014-01-22 02:41:28 AM  

Farker Soze: I only partake in Venezuelan beaver cheese.


Not today, sir, no.
 
2014-01-22 02:44:14 AM  
There are three levels of non-academic criticism. They are, in order of abrasiveness:

1) Personal on the part of the critic. "I don't like this."

2) Generalization. "this is bad."

3) Personal attack/telling you what to do. "you shouldn't like this."

3+) Openly insulting your taste and telling you what to do. "You shouldn't like the foods you like, eat this instead. What do you mean you can't afford artisanal cheese? fark you, peasant."

Food people always, always always go for 3 or 3+. Car people aren't this bad because the cost of collecting is a trusty gatekeeper. Fashion people kind of are, but we've known for decades they're vapid, shallow twats, and those of us who aren't recognize clothing-as-personal statement/status symbol as an opt-in activity. But no, it's something about the fact that everyone eats and drinks that makes that particular sphere into a Tournament of Dickbags- that magical contest of trivia and elitism.
 
2014-01-22 02:45:49 AM  

ciberido: Farker Soze: I only partake in Venezuelan beaver cheese.

Not today, sir, no.


How about Cheddar?
 
2014-01-22 02:48:16 AM  

Farker Soze: I only partake in Venezuelan beaver cheese.


She should really be more mindful of personal hygiene. Unless you're into that kind of thing. I won't judge.
 
2014-01-22 02:49:34 AM  

blacksharpiemarker: Sadly, I'm certain most Americans haven't tasted what true, fresh, mozzarella is.

Anyone soon visiting Italy, don't hesitate to try a plate of fresh mozzarella di bufula lightly drizzled with some olive oil before you leave. It's the food equivalent of crack. My blood itches at the thought of returning there for more. As you slice away at it, it has a semi-soft texture and oozes out droplets of fresh milk. It's absolutely delicious with a side of prosciutto, arugula, or sliced tomatoes.


Oh great. Your comment likening fresh mozzarella to crack has re-awakened the cheese beast within me.

I think my refrigerator is calling.
 
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