If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Time)   Mozzarella is bad and you should feel bad for enjoying it   (newsfeed.time.com) divider line 218
    More: Obvious, Cheddar, American Eats  
•       •       •

15181 clicks; posted to Main » on 22 Jan 2014 at 12:47 AM (47 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



218 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-01-22 12:10:04 AM  
These bags of pre-grated, fibrous strings of dairy-like substance that come dusted with preservatives are literally the devil. They make foodies cry. No one should ever be forgiven for buying them, and don't even ask about Kraft's green cylinders of atomized parmesan dust.

Go fark yourself hipster.
 
2014-01-22 12:10:43 AM  
No.  Casu Marzu is the worst cheese ever, followed closely by Limburger, and aged Havarti.

Mozzarella is good, but don't buy the shredded stuff unless you are seriously, seriously pressed for time, and in that case, just order pizza and spare yourself the mess.

Wait, why the fark do I care about what other people are eating again?
 
2014-01-22 12:11:24 AM  
They talk about Mozzarella and preground Mozza and Cheddar.  For me there is something fantastic about freshly shredded cheddar.  I don't know if there is an oxidation thing that is happening with freshly shredded cheddar but it is one of my favourite cheese experiences.
 
2014-01-22 12:12:42 AM  
Got one of these from my aunt for Christmas this year:

ecx.images-amazon.com

It wasn't until I opened the box that I noticed that the "cheddar" "cheese" is actually labeled "Cheddar Flavor Pasteurized Process Cheese Food". And that the damn block is only about 1/4" thick.


They make foodies cry.

Good.
 
2014-01-22 12:37:38 AM  
Stupid farking article.  If it's not mozzarella di buffala da Mondragone, it isn't farking mozzarella.  The shiat they're talking about is standard American plastic food--all colors and "flavors" being equally garbage.

Processed shiat is processed shiat.

Mozzarella is heaven.

Know the difference you worthless assholes.

/rant.
 
2014-01-22 12:50:02 AM  

meat0918: Wait, why the fark do I care about what other people are eating again?


So you can look down your hipster nose at others while stroking your ironic beard & trendy geeky chic-y glasses?
 
2014-01-22 12:50:11 AM  
fark all of you.  I've been making my own mozz since before mozz was cool!

/seriously, I make my own
//wife owns a dairy breading heard, WTF are you gonna do with all that milk?
 
2014-01-22 12:50:31 AM  
Cheese Nazis.
 
2014-01-22 12:51:00 AM  

Mentat: These bags of pre-grated, fibrous strings of dairy-like substance that come dusted with preservatives are literally the devil. They make foodies cry. No one should ever be forgiven for buying them, and don't even ask about Kraft's green cylinders of atomized parmesan dust.

Go fark yourself hipster.


I am glad you are happy eating shiat food, good for you
 
2014-01-22 12:51:19 AM  
Mozzarella is awesome anyone that says otherwise is a heretic and probably weighs the same as a duck
 
2014-01-22 12:51:49 AM  

Gyrfalcon: Cheese Nazis. nachos


FTF the super bowl.
 
2014-01-22 12:52:03 AM  
Never.
 
2014-01-22 12:52:13 AM  

rohar: fark all of you.  I've been making my own mozz since before mozz was cool!

/seriously, I make my own
//wife owns a dairy breading heard, WTF are you gonna do with all that milk?


After you've breaded them, do you deep-fry or bake? What sort of sauce do you serve with them?
 
2014-01-22 12:52:44 AM  
your blog sucks
 
2014-01-22 12:52:57 AM  

legion_of_doo: meat0918: Wait, why the fark do I care about what other people are eating again?

So you can look down your hipster nose at others while stroking your ironic beard & trendy geeky chic-y glasses?


While I agree I look the part, I do nothing "ironically"
 
2014-01-22 12:53:00 AM  

chitownmike: Mentat: These bags of pre-grated, fibrous strings of dairy-like substance that come dusted with preservatives are literally the devil. They make foodies cry. No one should ever be forgiven for buying them, and don't even ask about Kraft's green cylinders of atomized parmesan dust.

Go fark yourself hipster.

I am glad you are happy eating shiat food, good for you


Go fark yourself hipster.
 
2014-01-22 12:53:15 AM  
I suppose those individually wrapped sticks that I eat are bad? Well, boo-hoo
 
2014-01-22 12:54:17 AM  

Prof. Frink: rohar: fark all of you.  I've been making my own mozz since before mozz was cool!

/seriously, I make my own
//wife owns a dairy breading heard, WTF are you gonna do with all that milk?

After you've breaded them, do you deep-fry or bake? What sort of sauce do you serve with them?


You can't deep fry dairy goat.  They're too tough.  You gotta cook them low and slow.
 
2014-01-22 12:54:39 AM  
My favorite cheese...

www.madeinoregon.com
 
2014-01-22 12:56:43 AM  
Buffalo mozzarella, fresh, in bags of water, is farking sublime.  And fark whoever wrote TFA for not mentioning pecorino romano as one of the great hard cheeses.

/Half Italian
//Live in Wisco.
///You're damn right I like my cheese.
 
2014-01-22 12:57:24 AM  

Mentat: chitownmike: Mentat: These bags of pre-grated, fibrous strings of dairy-like substance that come dusted with preservatives are literally the devil. They make foodies cry. No one should ever be forgiven for buying them, and don't even ask about Kraft's green cylinders of atomized parmesan dust.

Go fark yourself hipster.

I am glad you are happy eating shiat food, good for you

Go fark yourself hipster.


yeah, I heard you the first time
 
2014-01-22 12:58:57 AM  
That article was bad and subby should feel bad for submitting it.

/not to mention whoever greened it
 
2014-01-22 12:59:14 AM  
yaakkk .... I hate that
 
2014-01-22 01:00:44 AM  

Worst Name I Ever Heard: That article was bad and subby should feel bad for submitting it.


More over The page title is different from the title above the content ... kind of misleading ....
 
2014-01-22 01:03:00 AM  
OMG,,,,,,are the Italians insane? Don't click this link if you like cheese......

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casu_marzu
 
2014-01-22 01:03:04 AM  
fark the USDA
 
2014-01-22 01:03:22 AM  
Cheese thread needs Ash County NC Cheddar as a standard-bearer for delicious American cheese.

And really, who eats enough store- bought mozzarella to stress over the quality? I buy maybe one bag a year for the random homemade pizza. Fresh mozzarella balls from the olive bar at Kroger is a treat now and then. I consider myself lucky to enjoy that. I would be all over gourmet cheeses if I could travel these days like I used to. But I will still dig into some Velveeta/Rotel dip if I get a hankering.

/knows enough to be discriminating, but not a snob.
 
2014-01-22 01:03:33 AM  
Well, I'm out. There is no difference between Reddit and Fark at this point.
 
2014-01-22 01:03:36 AM  

chitownmike: Mentat: chitownmike: Mentat: These bags of pre-grated, fibrous strings of dairy-like substance that come dusted with preservatives are literally the devil. They make foodies cry. No one should ever be forgiven for buying them, and don't even ask about Kraft's green cylinders of atomized parmesan dust.

Go fark yourself hipster.

I am glad you are happy eating shiat food, good for you

Go fark yourself hipster.

yeah, I heard you the first time


He lives in Chicago, how "hip" can he be?
 
2014-01-22 01:04:34 AM  
I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.
 
2014-01-22 01:05:29 AM  
the writer is an unbearable dick, but I would kill certain members of my family for burrata. fortunately I can just buy it at the store.
 
2014-01-22 01:06:59 AM  

detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.


Don't be silly, Velveeta is made of orphaned babies.
 
2014-01-22 01:07:27 AM  
It does taste pretty bland, but so does almost all processed food. Does anyone eat it for the culinary experience, or because they need to insert organic material into the front of their head?
 
2014-01-22 01:09:05 AM  
Klattu burrata nicto?
 
2014-01-22 01:09:16 AM  
Sadly, I'm certain most Americans haven't tasted what true, fresh, mozzarella is.

Anyone soon visiting Italy, don't hesitate to try a plate of fresh mozzarella di bufula lightly drizzled with some olive oil before you leave. It's the food equivalent of crack. My blood itches at the thought of returning there for more. As you slice away at it, it has a semi-soft texture and oozes out droplets of fresh milk. It's absolutely delicious with a side of prosciutto, arugula, or sliced tomatoes.

s29.postimg.org
 
2014-01-22 01:10:33 AM  

Shazam999: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.

Don't be silly, Velveeta is made of orphaned babies.


Let's put it this way... it's older than you think,  And the phrase "bacteria containment hold" is a thing.
 
2014-01-22 01:11:03 AM  

blacksharpiemarker: Sadly, I'm certain most Americans haven't tasted what true, fresh, mozzarella is.


I am from SoCal, we had the best Mexican bathtub cheese.
 
2014-01-22 01:11:06 AM  
I only buy Havarti made by Arla foods after people got pissed off at the Danes for the bomb hat Mohammed cartoon & started a boycott.
 
2014-01-22 01:13:21 AM  
Why would anyone care what kind of cheese another person would eat? Very strange.
 
2014-01-22 01:13:25 AM  

detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Shazam999: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.

Don't be silly, Velveeta is made of orphaned babies.

Let's put it this way... it's older than you think,  And the phrase "bacteria containment hold" is a thing.


That's why it's pasteurized a second (and third and fourth probably) time.
 
2014-01-22 01:15:28 AM  

meat0918: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Shazam999: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.

Don't be silly, Velveeta is made of orphaned babies.

Let's put it this way... it's older than you think,  And the phrase "bacteria containment hold" is a thing.

That's why it's pasteurized a second (and third and fourth probably) time.


It's still farking gross.
 
2014-01-22 01:15:28 AM  
Used to buy balls of fresh mozzarella when I lived in Germany.  The cost the equivalent of about $1.50.  Same thing where I live here in the states dang near $6.00.  Absolutely ridiculous.  Needless to say I don't buy it often.  Also feta was about a buck for about an eight oz. block (approx).  Here I can only find tubs of pre crumbled junk for about 4 bucks for a very shallow tub.
 
2014-01-22 01:16:00 AM  
Well, if it's going to make a foodie cry...I'll be stocking up on pre grated cheddar/mozzarella mix for my pizza.

Also, muenster is the best cheese ever. Period.
 
2014-01-22 01:17:23 AM  
I remember just a few years ago when people were ok with not being pseudo-aficionados about the peripheral banalities of life. Now thanks to the internet, anyone can google "mozzarella cheese" and then memorize a few subjective factoids about it's history and regurgitate them as though they're a distinguished cheese connisuer.

/bonus douchey points for saying "motsa-rell"
 
2014-01-22 01:20:01 AM  
Well, I'm lactose intolerant, so I do feel bad when I enjoy mozzarella subby. Also, aged gouda. Sweet, sweet, aged gouda. Damn you subby!
 
2014-01-22 01:24:26 AM  
I don't care how farking runny it is, fetch it hither with all speed.
 
2014-01-22 01:24:35 AM  

EmmaLou: Well, if it's going to make a foodie cry...I'll be stocking up on pre grated cheddar/mozzarella mix for my pizza.

Also, muenster is the best cheese ever. Period.


Yes, Muenster...and Havarti, and a nice runny brie, but I can't eat the moldy outside - allergic :(
 
2014-01-22 01:24:36 AM  

blacksharpiemarker: Sadly, I'm certain most Americans haven't tasted what true, fresh, mozzarella is.

Anyone soon visiting Italy, don't hesitate to try a plate of fresh mozzarella di bufula lightly drizzled with some olive oil before you leave. It's the food equivalent of crack. My blood itches at the thought of returning there for more. As you slice away at it, it has a semi-soft texture and oozes out droplets of fresh milk. It's absolutely delicious with a side of prosciutto, arugula, or sliced tomatoes.

[s29.postimg.org image 850x569]


I will have to second that.

/loves me some proscuitto
//Wegman's FTW
 
2014-01-22 01:26:32 AM  
excuse me, is this where I make a dick cheese joke?
 
2014-01-22 01:32:14 AM  
In other words,
img.fark.net
 
2014-01-22 01:34:26 AM  
More utter food snob bullshiat. Exotic cheeses that smell and taste like mildew or effluent usually do nothing for me. I guess Parmesan grated off a block is a slight improvement over the stuff in the green jars. I like to take the cheapest, store brand crap Mozzarella and grind it up with meat, bread crumbs and seasonings. Creates a filling for ravioli no one but those dipshiat vegetarians ever refuses to overeat.

/Got the last 2 bottles of Pliny the Elder from the pretentious hipster/yuppie grocery store nearest me, and drank them. It's not bad beer or anything, but I can name at least 6 I think are equally good, for slightly less money, and easier to come by. As is the case so often, it's not the quality of the product, it's hype and hysteria.
 
2014-01-22 01:34:41 AM  
oh god someone had to say mozarella now where am I going to get good bocconcini and tomatoes at this time?

/Emmental is the worst cheese. farking foul.
 
2014-01-22 01:37:50 AM  

Harry_Seldon: My favorite cheese...

[www.madeinoregon.com image 850x850]


Hell yeah. Tillamook is the shiat. *fistbump*
 
2014-01-22 01:38:10 AM  

doyner: Stupid farking article.  If it's not mozzarella di buffala da Mondragone, it isn't farking mozzarella.  The shiat they're talking about is standard American plastic food--all colors and "flavors" being equally garbage.

Processed shiat is processed shiat.

Mozzarella is heaven.

Know the difference you worthless assholes.

/rant.


You know, I've had real "buffalo" mozzerella; it's awsome, but fresh cow's milk mozz has its place, as well.
 
2014-01-22 01:39:21 AM  
I love a good cheese.  Blues are my favorite, but I like a variety and I'll try almost anything (yes, that absolutely does exclude Casu Marzu.  No maggots, thanks.)  I haven't had fresh curd since I drove through Wisconsin years ago, and I remember how much ass that kicked.  I don't like Limburger, though.

But good cheese is so expensive here.

And the not so amazing cheese is readily available at my crappy neighborhood grocery store, so that's what I eat most of the time.

But I won't touch the Velveeta.  Ever.
 
2014-01-22 01:39:42 AM  
Cabot Old School Cheddar, aged 5 years, 0 grams of lactose, Kosher, Halal, no dyes, sharp as you could wish.
img.fark.net
img.fark.netMade by a dairy cooperative in Vermont. The best cheddar on Earth.
 
2014-01-22 01:40:01 AM  
 
2014-01-22 01:40:13 AM  

detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Shazam999: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.

Don't be silly, Velveeta is made of orphaned babies.

Let's put it this way... it's older than you think,  And the phrase "bacteria containment hold" is a thing.


Read this recently

img1.imagesbn.com

And was really surprised at how long that stuff has been around. I had thought it a thoroughly modern invention.
 
2014-01-22 01:41:12 AM  

chitownmike: Mentat: These bags of pre-grated, fibrous strings of dairy-like substance that come dusted with preservatives are literally the devil. They make foodies cry. No one should ever be forgiven for buying them, and don't even ask about Kraft's green cylinders of atomized parmesan dust.

Go fark yourself hipster.

I am glad you are happy eating shiat food, good for you


I don't like shiat food but I'm still more than happy to let others. So what if my neighbor likes Walmart bologna and cheeswiz?
 
2014-01-22 01:41:26 AM  
Harry_Seldon: My favorite cheese...

Couldn't agree more. Tillamook is great stuff.
 
2014-01-22 01:42:29 AM  
pics3.city-data.com

RIP damn good Mozzarella. Almost 100 years down the drain.
 
2014-01-22 01:43:12 AM  

fusillade762: Harry_Seldon: My favorite cheese...

[www.madeinoregon.com image 850x850]

Hell yeah. Tillamook is the shiat. *fistbump*


That stuff is the super powered hash of cheddar cheese, it's f*ing amazing and made less then 100 miles north of me.
 
2014-01-22 01:43:15 AM  
I have never taken any advice, ever, from a guy named Kyle, and I don't plan on ever doing so.
 
2014-01-22 01:44:05 AM  
Who the fark CARES what a foodie thinks?
 
2014-01-22 01:44:43 AM  
The author and you guys hating on bagged mozzarella must be fun at pizza parties.
 
2014-01-22 01:50:59 AM  
Your blog sucks.
 
2014-01-22 01:56:58 AM  
Made quick-and-dirty caprese for a party last week...this stuff was surprisingly pretty great. Trader Joe's.

www.cooktj.com
 
2014-01-22 02:02:50 AM  
I'd cut my hand open and bleed to death for a slice of this food of the gods.

media.oregonlive.com
 
2014-01-22 02:07:57 AM  

ThatDarkFellow: Well, I'm out. There is no difference between Reddit and Fark at this point.


Except the ability to downvote the submitter and give him a proper "fark you."
 
2014-01-22 02:08:21 AM  
No.

F*ck you.
 
2014-01-22 02:08:30 AM  
Let's see, a quick look at Wegmans.com... 8 oz of 'Fresh' mozz (I don't really know how well it compares, but whatever) is 2.99. 16 oz block of 'regular' mozz is 3.99.

It's almost like people on a budget have to go with what can stretch the farthest, especially if they have a kid or three.
 
2014-01-22 02:10:04 AM  
Cheesus Christ, dudes a renet sucking culture snob.

/cheese puns
//cheddar late than never.
///"Americans eat 30 pounds of cheese each year", Ida thunk a country as big as this, it'd be way more.
 
2014-01-22 02:10:13 AM  
I only partake in Venezuelan beaver cheese.
 
2014-01-22 02:10:41 AM  

Gyrfalcon: chitownmike: Mentat: chitownmike: Mentat: These bags of pre-grated, fibrous strings of dairy-like substance that come dusted with preservatives are literally the devil. They make foodies cry. No one should ever be forgiven for buying them, and don't even ask about Kraft's green cylinders of atomized parmesan dust.

Go fark yourself hipster.

I am glad you are happy eating shiat food, good for you

Go fark yourself hipster.

yeah, I heard you the first time

He lives in Chicago, how "hip" can he be?


Sadly, he could be very "hip".

http://www.brokehipster.com/
 
2014-01-22 02:11:08 AM  

Harry_Seldon: My favorite cheese...

[www.madeinoregon.com image 850x850]


The sharper the better.
 
2014-01-22 02:11:28 AM  

ThatDarkFellow: Well, I'm out. There is no difference between Reddit and Fark at this point.


kthnxbye.

Enjoy /r/curvygonewild or whatever.
 
2014-01-22 02:13:57 AM  

Pointy Tail of Satan: OMG,,,,,,are the Italians insane? Don't click this link if you like cheese......

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casu_marzu


Didn't click. Already know what is. It's horrifying!
 
2014-01-22 02:14:43 AM  
I was lucky to enough to go to Sorrento this summer, and I stuffed myself with buffalo mozzarella for three days straight. PURE HEAVEN. I wouldn't be so silly as to look down on people who eat the shredded stuff, but man, if you get the chance to get the real deal, it's worth it.

/Buffalito Inn was a little pricey, but served us a fat ball of mozzarella I could have eaten all by myself as a main course.
//I really like cheese.
 
2014-01-22 02:16:32 AM  
The article is bagging on bagged pre-shredded cheeses. I am in full agreement with that aspect of the article. I buy blocks or wedges of cheese and grate it fresh myself. It always tastes way better freshly grated/sliced than the bagged stuff. Next time you are making a pizza instead of buying pre-grated cheese buy one of those cylinders of "fresh"* mozzarella and cut it in slices and spread those over the TOP** of the pizza toppings. When it is done cooking if the cheese isn't brown like the pictures below then turn the broiler on and put it on the second rack down from the top for a minute or two to get finish off the pizza properly. It is a WAY better experience.

And if you are ever in Lynnwood Washington stop in at Sparta's Pizza. They use real and fresh (made in the last 24-48 hours) mozzarella and put it on properly... Non-grated (It looks that way to me anyway), thick enough to actually taste and enjoy, and cooked to a nice golden-brown for even more flavor. See pics below for an idea of what I am talking about....

s3-media1.ak.yelpcdn.com

a3.urbancdn.com


*Mozzarella is meant to be eaten the day it is made, so that stuff isn't technically fresh, but it is still way better than pre-grated.
**Putting the mozzarella entirely on top is sometimes called "Greek style". Normal style is to put most of the cheese on the bottom with just a bit extra thrown on top. Greek style puts it all on top and it really highlights good cheese in a way the normal method doesn't.
 
2014-01-22 02:18:41 AM  
Nope nope nope.

I farking live processed cheese. That neon-yellow crap they serve on nachos and Totino's party pizzas? LOVE IT

thoroughlymediocre.com

/in moderation of course
 
2014-01-22 02:18:56 AM  

arentol: And if you are ever in Lynnwood Washington don't stop in at Sparta's Pizza. They use real and fresh (made in the last 24-48 hours) mozzarella and put it on properly... Non-grated (It looks that way to me anyway), thick enough to actually taste and enjoy, and cooked to a nice golden-brown for even more flavor. See pics below for an idea of what I am talking about....


FTFY.
 
2014-01-22 02:22:07 AM  
I can't remember the brand, but the two individually sealed "loaves" you get at Costco are great for caprese.  As for the shredded stuff, it has its place.  Sometime there is so much going on in a dish its ok to skimp on some ingredients. With pizza or chicken parm you only need to be able to identify "Oh, hey, there's some mozzarella in this".  It would be a waste of time trying to figure out it is fresh buffalo or shredded cow, and a waste of money to buy the expensive stuff.

Same with Parmesan.  A rich heavy dish like spaghetti gets the shredded stuff (although not the Kraft powder in the green can, got to draw the line somewhere).  A carbonara, by virtue of having few ingredients, calls for breaking out the the $12 block of reggiano.

/All of this is assuming you actually use cheese, nothing is worse that plating a dish and discovering a plastic cheese barrier when you get to the table.
 
2014-01-22 02:24:18 AM  

thisisyourbrainonFark: Yeah, let's get the party started!

http://news.cnet.com/8301-17938_105-57613385-1/cheese-made-from-huma n- toe-jam-belly-button-bacteria/


Got some casu marzu?
 
2014-01-22 02:24:55 AM  
(To go with the cheese)
 
2014-01-22 02:25:11 AM  

detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.


Unless Velveeta is made from dog anuses and Elmer's Glue, I'm still going to use it to make Potatoes Au Gratin or Chili Dip. Cheddar is just too damn greasy when it melts.
 
2014-01-22 02:27:29 AM  

detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Shazam999: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.

Don't be silly, Velveeta is made of orphaned babies.

Let's put it this way... it's older than you think,  And the phrase "bacteria containment hold" is a thing.


Isn't all cheese a culture of bacteria?
 
2014-01-22 02:29:11 AM  

super_grass: Nope nope nope.

I farking live processed cheese. That neon-yellow crap they serve on nachos and Totino's party pizzas? LOVE IT

[thoroughlymediocre.com image 800x600]

/in moderation of course


Totino's is a guilty pleasure for me. I think it's because I grew up on them. That and they're like a buck each.
 
2014-01-22 02:31:09 AM  
Burrata. That is all.
 
2014-01-22 02:34:01 AM  
Foodie thread!

<grabs popcorn>

Oh.
 
2014-01-22 02:34:32 AM  
Sorry, maroille is the worst cheese.

stellamaris.blogs.capfrance.com
 
2014-01-22 02:35:19 AM  

fusillade762: super_grass: Nope nope nope.

I farking live processed cheese. That neon-yellow crap they serve on nachos and Totino's party pizzas? LOVE IT

[thoroughlymediocre.com image 800x600]

/in moderation of course

Totino's is a guilty pleasure for me. I think it's because I grew up on them. That and they're like a buck each.


Straight up 2% 'American' cheese slices on grilled cheese. That's it though, all other cheese is either fancy, or a product of 'damn it, I should have had dinner in the oven half an hour ago'.
 
2014-01-22 02:36:50 AM  

TV's Vinnie: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.

Unless Velveeta is made from dog anuses and Elmer's Glue, I'm still going to use it to make Potatoes Au Gratin or Chili Dip. Cheddar is just too damn greasy when it melts.


The Elmer's Glue part might not be that far off. Pretty high in casein, and doesn't have to be refrigerated, after all.
 
2014-01-22 02:38:27 AM  
I love pretty much all cheeses, but I must say the cheese in Hot Pockets tastes like soap.
 
2014-01-22 02:39:12 AM  
So mozzarella is bad because...mozzarella is bad? But mostly the pre-shredded kind? This is why people think foodies are all assholes.
 
2014-01-22 02:39:55 AM  
fark you, article twat. Without garbage mozzarella there is no string cheese.
 
2014-01-22 02:41:28 AM  

Farker Soze: I only partake in Venezuelan beaver cheese.


Not today, sir, no.
 
2014-01-22 02:44:14 AM  
There are three levels of non-academic criticism. They are, in order of abrasiveness:

1) Personal on the part of the critic. "I don't like this."

2) Generalization. "this is bad."

3) Personal attack/telling you what to do. "you shouldn't like this."

3+) Openly insulting your taste and telling you what to do. "You shouldn't like the foods you like, eat this instead. What do you mean you can't afford artisanal cheese? fark you, peasant."

Food people always, always always go for 3 or 3+. Car people aren't this bad because the cost of collecting is a trusty gatekeeper. Fashion people kind of are, but we've known for decades they're vapid, shallow twats, and those of us who aren't recognize clothing-as-personal statement/status symbol as an opt-in activity. But no, it's something about the fact that everyone eats and drinks that makes that particular sphere into a Tournament of Dickbags- that magical contest of trivia and elitism.
 
2014-01-22 02:45:49 AM  

ciberido: Farker Soze: I only partake in Venezuelan beaver cheese.

Not today, sir, no.


How about Cheddar?
 
2014-01-22 02:48:16 AM  

Farker Soze: I only partake in Venezuelan beaver cheese.


She should really be more mindful of personal hygiene. Unless you're into that kind of thing. I won't judge.
 
2014-01-22 02:49:34 AM  

blacksharpiemarker: Sadly, I'm certain most Americans haven't tasted what true, fresh, mozzarella is.

Anyone soon visiting Italy, don't hesitate to try a plate of fresh mozzarella di bufula lightly drizzled with some olive oil before you leave. It's the food equivalent of crack. My blood itches at the thought of returning there for more. As you slice away at it, it has a semi-soft texture and oozes out droplets of fresh milk. It's absolutely delicious with a side of prosciutto, arugula, or sliced tomatoes.


Oh great. Your comment likening fresh mozzarella to crack has re-awakened the cheese beast within me.

I think my refrigerator is calling.
 
2014-01-22 02:53:24 AM  

Ego edo infantia cattus: Well, I'm lactose intolerant, so I do feel bad when I enjoy mozzarella subby. Also, aged gouda. Sweet, sweet, aged gouda. Damn you subby!


You have my deepest sympathy. Now I'll go eat enough for both of us.
 
2014-01-22 02:54:12 AM  

detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.


...I've always said this: If the entire population of the United States suddenly knew how all of their food was made, from hamburgers to "organic" food, a good percentage would choose to starve to death.  People don't realize what atrocities and disgusting things must happen at pretty much every stage of the process to bring any food to them, no matter how "natural" it is.
 
2014-01-22 02:57:03 AM  

Harry_Seldon: My favorite cheese...

[www.madeinoregon.com image 850x850]



Here's how to get really good, sharp Tillamook Cheddar for a fraction of the price:
1) Buy a block of Tillamook Medium Cheddar (It's the raw material for the good stuff)
2) Take a sharpie and mark the sides Jan-Mar, Apr-Jun, Jul-Sep, Oct-Dec
3) Put the cheese in the fridge unopened with the appropriate side up
4) Next month buy another one
5) Rotate the bricks so the appropriate side is facing up
6) After a year or so you can enjoy sharp, well-aged cheese for much less money

H/T to the great food writer Raymond Sokolov
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raymond_Sokolov
 
2014-01-22 02:59:22 AM  

blacksharpiemarker: Sadly, I'm certain most Americans haven't tasted what true, fresh, mozzarella is.


Not very sadly. Having little experience with 'real' mozzarella, I have no reason to b e offended by the eponymous block of dairy protein on my grocer's shelves.

Similarly, I spent the first 30 years of my life having never tasted Greek yogurt. I'd never go back to the watery stuff I was raised on now, but those ignorant years didn't hurt me in the least. Discover a process by which you can make the good stuff affordable and available here, market it, and demand will spread.
 
2014-01-22 03:00:59 AM  

arentol: The article is bagging on bagged pre-shredded cheeses. I am in full agreement with that aspect of the article. I buy blocks or wedges of cheese and grate it fresh myself. It always tastes way better freshly grated/sliced than the bagged stuff. Next time you are making a pizza instead of buying pre-grated cheese buy one of those cylinders of "fresh"* mozzarella and cut it in slices and spread those over the TOP** of the pizza toppings. When it is done cooking if the cheese isn't brown like the pictures below then turn the broiler on and put it on the second rack down from the top for a minute or two to get finish off the pizza properly. It is a WAY better experience.

And if you are ever in Lynnwood Washington stop in at Sparta's Pizza. They use real and fresh (made in the last 24-48 hours) mozzarella and put it on properly... Non-grated (It looks that way to me anyway), thick enough to actually taste and enjoy, and cooked to a nice golden-brown for even more flavor. See pics below for an idea of what I am talking about....






*Mozzarella is meant to be eaten the day it is made, so that stuff isn't technically fresh, but it is still way better than pre-grated.
**Putting the mozzarella entirely on top is sometimes called "Greek style". Normal style is to put most of the cheese on the bottom with just a bit extra thrown on top. Greek style puts it all on top and it really highlights good cheese in a way the normal method doesn't.


Oh goody. That's geographically within my reach!
 
2014-01-22 03:02:58 AM  
Stopped reading at foodie.
 
2014-01-22 03:03:17 AM  

4seasons85!: Pointy Tail of Satan: OMG,,,,,,are the Italians insane? Don't click this link if you like cheese......

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casu_marzu

Didn't click. Already know what is. It's horrifying!


I'm convinced Casu Marzu is "El Plato Gringo". You know "Let's charge the foreigner a lot of money and say it's a delicacy...Holy farking shiat HE PUT IT IN HIS MOUTH!!!"
 
2014-01-22 03:05:37 AM  
How is it that a person can get paid to write an article that has neither a beginning, a middle, nor an end?  This "article" looks more like the notes I would take before sitting down to craft something intelligible.

Also, it is important that everyone go get a bad-ass slice of sourdough and cover it with gouda.  Put it in the toaster oven until everything is gooey and beginning to brown on the corners.  Cover that with avocado slices and stone-ground mustard.  Eat, then roll around on the floor making happy noises for a while.
 
2014-01-22 03:12:07 AM  
Once you get used to the smell--and yeah, you can--this shiat is like Crack.  Slice it thick, put it on black rye with some sharp red onion and the hottest, spiciest mustard you can find, eat it accompanied by a dark beer.  Abita Abbey Ale works pretty well with it.
 
2014-01-22 03:12:32 AM  
Of all of that the only thing close to a legitimate complaint was that the shredded stuff in the bag dries out quickly.

The rest was uneducated nonsense form someone with no real understanding of even the basics of how food is grown, processed, and distributed and what it means to be an ingredient rather than a complete dish in itself.
 
2014-01-22 03:13:52 AM  
Wow, Fark ate the link.  I'm talking about this.

www.widmerscheese.com
 
2014-01-22 03:14:01 AM  

arentol: The article is bagging on bagged pre-shredded cheeses. I am in full agreement with that aspect of the article. I buy blocks or wedges of cheese and grate it fresh myself. It always tastes way better freshly grated/sliced than the bagged stuff. Next time you are making a pizza instead of buying pre-grated cheese buy one of those cylinders of "fresh"* mozzarella and cut it in slices and spread those over the TOP** of the pizza toppings. When it is done cooking if the cheese isn't brown like the pictures below then turn the broiler on and put it on the second rack down from the top for a minute or two to get finish off the pizza properly. It is a WAY better experience.

And if you are ever in Lynnwood Washington stop in at Sparta's Pizza. They use real and fresh (made in the last 24-48 hours) mozzarella and put it on properly... Non-grated (It looks that way to me anyway), thick enough to actually taste and enjoy, and cooked to a nice golden-brown for even more flavor. See pics below for an idea of what I am talking about....

[s3-media1.ak.yelpcdn.com image 533x400]

[a3.urbancdn.com image 480x640]


*Mozzarella is meant to be eaten the day it is made, so that stuff isn't technically fresh, but it is still way better than pre-grated.
**Putting the mozzarella entirely on top is sometimes called "Greek style". Normal style is to put most of the cheese on the bottom with just a bit extra thrown on top. Greek style puts it all on top and it really highlights good cheese in a way the normal method doesn't.


Or you can drive another 8mi North to Giorgios in Everett and get something superior. But Spartas is fine if you don't want to risk being shot.
 
2014-01-22 03:16:33 AM  

rosekolodny: How is it that a person can get paid to write an article that has neither a beginning, a middle, nor an end?  This "article" looks more like the notes I would take before sitting down to craft something intelligible.

I agree.

Also, it is important that everyone go get a bad-ass slice of sourdough and cover it with gouda.  Put it in the toaster oven until everything is gooey and beginning to brown on the corners.  Cover that with avocado slices and stone-ground mustard.  Eat, then roll around on the floor making happy noises for a while.

Can't get sourdough in Monterey. Will substitute fresh baguette. Maybe add pickled roasted red pepper.
img.fark.net
 
2014-01-22 03:18:09 AM  

anuran: Harry_Seldon: My favorite cheese...

[www.madeinoregon.com image 850x850]


Here's how to get really good, sharp Tillamook Cheddar for a fraction of the price:
1) Buy a block of Tillamook Medium Cheddar (It's the raw material for the good stuff)
2) Take a sharpie and mark the sides Jan-Mar, Apr-Jun, Jul-Sep, Oct-Dec
3) Put the cheese in the fridge unopened with the appropriate side up
4) Next month buy another one
5) Rotate the bricks so the appropriate side is facing up
6) After a year or so you can enjoy sharp, well-aged cheese for much less money

H/T to the great food writer Raymond Sokolov
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Raymond_Sokolov


While an interesting tip, I am not nearly that patient.
 
2014-01-22 03:19:05 AM  

AverageAmericanGuy: I'd cut my hand open and bleed to death for a slice of this food of the gods.

[media.oregonlive.com image 480x376]


I have family who are alumni.  We get a can of that every year for Christmas.  I'm not a big fan of it, while it is nice and sharp it's a bit on the dry side so melting it into things is not easy.   I made a bechemel based mac and cheese with it and it was good.

They do have online ordering for the stuff,   http://cougarcheese.wsu.edu/
 
2014-01-22 03:20:32 AM  

Harry_Seldon: My favorite cheese...

[www.madeinoregon.com image 850x850]


Try this. Expensive, but very delicious:
blog.seattlepi.com
 
2014-01-22 03:22:49 AM  

anuran: 4seasons85!: Pointy Tail of Satan: OMG,,,,,,are the Italians insane? Don't click this link if you like cheese......

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casu_marzu

Didn't click. Already know what is. It's horrifying!

I'm convinced Casu Marzu is "El Plato Gringo". You know "Let's charge the foreigner a lot of money and say it's a delicacy...Holy farking shiat HE PUT IT IN HIS MOUTH!!!"


That wouldn't surprise me. How someone would willingly put maggot cheese anywhere near their mouth is beyond me. There are even stories that these maggots have been know to enter nasal passages and bore into people's heads.... but yes let's eat this cheese! :/
 
2014-01-22 03:23:51 AM  
I have a blue stilton and a nice D'Anjou pear in the fridge...BRB
 
2014-01-22 03:28:28 AM  

Devil's Playground: Harry_Seldon: My favorite cheese...

[www.madeinoregon.com image 850x850]

Try this. Expensive, but very delicious:
[blog.seattlepi.com image 472x325]


Not sure if you are sticking it to me, or not.

//Go Ducks!
 
2014-01-22 03:29:28 AM  
Jeez, some Park Slope hipster yambag writes a freelance article for Time, and everybody loses their bowels.

I only read Time for the Swimsuit Edition.
 
2014-01-22 03:37:02 AM  

Smirky the Wonder Chimp: Wow, Fark ate the link.  I'm talking about this.

[www.widmerscheese.com image 450x450]


My grandma was from Copenhagen and taught my brother and I how to eat limburgher at a young age. Dark Rye, a slice of sweet onion and a hearty spread of this cheese is heaven (once you know how to get it past the sinuses).
 
2014-01-22 03:40:17 AM  

E5bie: blacksharpiemarker: Sadly, I'm certain most Americans haven't tasted what true, fresh, mozzarella is.

Not very sadly. Having little experience with 'real' mozzarella, I have no reason to b e offended by the eponymous block of dairy protein on my grocer's shelves.

Similarly, I spent the first 30 years of my life having never tasted Greek yogurt. I'd never go back to the watery stuff I was raised on now, but those ignorant years didn't hurt me in the least. Discover a process by which you can make the good stuff affordable and available here, market it, and demand will spread.


I hate Greek style yogurt. Way too sour and firm. Prefer the creamier (not watery) type that's been available for years.
 
2014-01-22 03:40:24 AM  
www.redapplecheese.com
 
2014-01-22 03:42:48 AM  

Harry_Seldon: Devil's Playground: Harry_Seldon: My favorite cheese...

[www.madeinoregon.com image 850x850]

Try this. Expensive, but very delicious:
[blog.seattlepi.com image 472x325]

Not sure if you are sticking it to me, or not.

//Go Ducks!


Oh, heavens no! I love Tillamook and their products. (In addition to the aged white cheddar, my favorite ice cream is their Chocolate Peanut butter.) I just think Cougar gold is the best sharp cheddar I've ever had.

/This blue cheese and pear are really good.
 
2014-01-22 03:45:48 AM  
Brie, Camembert, and Cambozola are the shiat, with exceptions for Havarti when snacking and gruyere for French Onion Soup. I dunno how many udders got sore feeding my Cambozola-in-tomato-soup habit, but it was totally worth it.

/ hey, they weren't MY udders
 
2014-01-22 03:48:13 AM  
img.fark.net
 
2014-01-22 04:00:35 AM  

NorthernMT: Used to buy balls of fresh mozzarella when I lived in Germany.  The cost the equivalent of about $1.50.  Same thing where I live here in the states dang near $6.00.  Absolutely ridiculous.  Needless to say I don't buy it often.  Also feta was about a buck for about an eight oz. block (approx).  Here I can only find tubs of pre crumbled junk for about 4 bucks for a very shallow tub.


Seek our your local Middle Eastern food purveyor.
 
2014-01-22 04:02:50 AM  

forgotmydamnusername: More utter food snob bullshiat. Exotic cheeses that smell and taste like mildew or effluent usually do nothing for me. I guess Parmesan grated off a block is a slight improvement over the stuff in the green jars. I like to take the cheapest, store brand crap Mozzarella and grind it up with meat, bread crumbs and seasonings. Creates a filling for ravioli no one but those dipshiat vegetarians ever refuses to overeat.

/Got the last 2 bottles of Pliny the Elder from the pretentious hipster/yuppie grocery store nearest me, and drank them. It's not bad beer or anything, but I can name at least 6 I think are equally good, for slightly less money, and easier to come by. As is the case so often, it's not the quality of the product, it's hype and hysteria.


Had a friend who worked for Kraft for years. That shiat in the green jars, according to him, has never possessed any ingredient that has ever been near a cow, does not remotely resemble anything dairy, and should not ever be put in the same sentence with the word "cheese." He should know--he used to make it. And what the other guy says about Velveeta is 100% fact.
 
2014-01-22 04:12:42 AM  

GodComplex: arentol: The article is bagging on bagged pre-shredded cheeses. I am in full agreement with that aspect of the article. I buy blocks or wedges of cheese and grate it fresh myself. It always tastes way better freshly grated/sliced than the bagged stuff. Next time you are making a pizza instead of buying pre-grated cheese buy one of those cylinders of "fresh"* mozzarella and cut it in slices and spread those over the TOP** of the pizza toppings. When it is done cooking if the cheese isn't brown like the pictures below then turn the broiler on and put it on the second rack down from the top for a minute or two to get finish off the pizza properly. It is a WAY better experience.

And if you are ever in Lynnwood Washington stop in at Sparta's Pizza. They use real and fresh (made in the last 24-48 hours) mozzarella and put it on properly... Non-grated (It looks that way to me anyway), thick enough to actually taste and enjoy, and cooked to a nice golden-brown for even more flavor. See pics below for an idea of what I am talking about....

[s3-media1.ak.yelpcdn.com image 533x400]

[a3.urbancdn.com image 480x640]


*Mozzarella is meant to be eaten the day it is made, so that stuff isn't technically fresh, but it is still way better than pre-grated.
**Putting the mozzarella entirely on top is sometimes called "Greek style". Normal style is to put most of the cheese on the bottom with just a bit extra thrown on top. Greek style puts it all on top and it really highlights good cheese in a way the normal method doesn't.

Or you can drive another 8mi North to Giorgios in Everett and get something superior. But Spartas is fine if you don't want to risk being shot.


Well shiat. When did Hilltop move to Everett?
 
2014-01-22 04:13:35 AM  
www.thetask.com

Habanero cheddar...

Words can't describe the awesome.
 
2014-01-22 04:19:23 AM  

Aigoo: forgotmydamnusername: More utter food snob bullshiat. Exotic cheeses that smell and taste like mildew or effluent usually do nothing for me. I guess Parmesan grated off a block is a slight improvement over the stuff in the green jars. I like to take the cheapest, store brand crap Mozzarella and grind it up with meat, bread crumbs and seasonings. Creates a filling for ravioli no one but those dipshiat vegetarians ever refuses to overeat.

/Got the last 2 bottles of Pliny the Elder from the pretentious hipster/yuppie grocery store nearest me, and drank them. It's not bad beer or anything, but I can name at least 6 I think are equally good, for slightly less money, and easier to come by. As is the case so often, it's not the quality of the product, it's hype and hysteria.

Had a friend who worked for Kraft for years. That shiat in the green jars, according to him, has never possessed any ingredient that has ever been near a cow, does not remotely resemble anything dairy, and should not ever be put in the same sentence with the word "cheese." He should know--he used to make it. And what the other guy says about Velveeta is 100% fact.


Ah, that would make them in violation of Federal food labeling standards then. The most interesting thing in the powdered parmesan was, according to the label, silica, i.e. ground glass or sand. Used to prevent caking, as best I can remember. Never really a fan of Velveeta. It would probably take only a little work to convert it into paint, adhesive, a wood filler, or even a form of low-quality plastic. If it actually tasted good, though, I'd eat it anyway.
 
2014-01-22 04:22:00 AM  
Most American cheese is half way to the tub of anonymous goo Frito is eating in "Idiocracy."

Real Italian mozzerella di Bufala is so god because it has a texture somewhere between perfectly roasted chicken breast and Mannah from heaven.

/I had a cheese in Italy that was covered in thick grey "fur" with white and black spots.  When the guy cut into it, and orange ooze the consistency of Elmer's Glue-All creeped out.  The taste burned so much I could feel my Eustachian tubes
 
2014-01-22 04:26:10 AM  
I am not any kind of foodie or food hipster, but I'll happy agree with the poster on the pre-shredded cheese.  I do sometimes get the four-cheese Mexican to throw in cheap tacos or chili, but that's it.  Otherwise, I get a block and grate it myself.
 
2014-01-22 04:53:27 AM  
I prefer another type of cheese, which I sincerely doubt that any of you farking philistines have ever heard of.

You could ask me what it is, but it's not my job to educate you, cheeselord.

/ tip: it's not cheese that comes from a cow or a goat
// think smaller, and more legs
 
2014-01-22 05:07:20 AM  
multimedia.pol.dk

An article written by a person who doesn't even know what farking mozzarella is.
 
2014-01-22 05:38:07 AM  
cheese is a turd; there are far superior foods at the market to consume.
 
2014-01-22 06:01:17 AM  
Burrata is an amazing form of mozzarella that also contains cream. Cut open the outside of the cheese, and out comes oozing a spreadable, soft substance...


themidnightalliance.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-01-22 06:27:34 AM  

Gyrfalcon: Cheese Nazis.


I hate cheese Nazis.
 
2014-01-22 06:33:15 AM  

Anonymous Bosch: There are three levels of non-academic criticism. They are, in order of abrasiveness:

1) Personal on the part of the critic. "I don't like this."

2) Generalization. "this is bad."

3) Personal attack/telling you what to do. "you shouldn't like this."

3+) Openly insulting your taste and telling you what to do. "You shouldn't like the foods you like, eat this instead. What do you mean you can't afford artisanal cheese? fark you, peasant."

Food people always, always always go for 3 or 3+.


Generally speaking, they sound pretty bad.

Car people aren't this bad because the cost of collecting is a trusty gatekeeper. Fashion people kind of are, but we've known for decades they're vapid, shallow twats, and those of us who aren't recognize clothing-as-personal statement/status symbol as an opt-in activity.

Food people are really bad.

But no, it's something about the fact that everyone eats and drinks that makes that particular sphere into a Tournament of Dickbags- that magical contest of trivia and elitism.

People shouldn't like to talk about food and be enthusiastic about ingredients, quality and traditions, so you're posting in a food thread to say you don't like food people, food people are always very bad, and also dickbags.
Is that the joke?
 
2014-01-22 06:34:40 AM  

CygnusDarius: ciberido: Farker Soze: I only partake in Venezuelan beaver cheese.

Not today, sir, no.

How about Cheddar?


Not much call for it, round these parts.
 
2014-01-22 06:36:51 AM  
That 'article' was written like a bad fark post.
 
2014-01-22 06:53:02 AM  

doyner: Stupid farking article.  If it's not mozzarella di buffala da Mondragone, it isn't farking mozzarella.  The shiat they're talking about is standard American plastic food--all colors and "flavors" being equally garbage.

Processed shiat is processed shiat.

Mozzarella is heaven.

Know the difference you worthless assholes.

/rant.


I think you mean "if it isn't made by Vito's or Fiore's in Hoboken,dipped in salt water, and served on Dom's bread.....than it's crap!"
 
2014-01-22 06:58:57 AM  
I wish I had so few real problems and so much time on my hands that I could too could sit around and write articles about my ire over what other people eat.

/goddamn foodies
 
2014-01-22 07:02:14 AM  

ThatDarkFellow: Well, I'm out. There is no difference between Reddit and Fark at this point.


FARK isn't an echo chamber.
 
2014-01-22 07:12:03 AM  
wa1.cdn.morefm.co.nz
MMMmmmm.... Cheese.....

/'murica
 
2014-01-22 07:17:22 AM  

ReverendJasen: I wish I had so few real problems and so much time on my hands that I could too could sit around and write articles about my ire over what other people eat.

/goddamn foodies


At least you had time to read the article and post a comment about it. And you're not even getting paid for your effort, unlike the author, who is doing it because it pays his bills.
 
2014-01-22 07:18:43 AM  

4seasons85!: anuran: 4seasons85!: Pointy Tail of Satan: OMG,,,,,,are the Italians insane? Don't click this link if you like cheese......

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casu_marzu

Didn't click. Already know what is. It's horrifying!

I'm convinced Casu Marzu is "El Plato Gringo". You know "Let's charge the foreigner a lot of money and say it's a delicacy...Holy farking shiat HE PUT IT IN HIS MOUTH!!!"

That wouldn't surprise me. How someone would willingly put maggot cheese anywhere near their mouth is beyond me. There are even stories that these maggots have been know to enter nasal passages and bore into people's heads.... but yes let's eat this cheese! :/


The thing about El Plato Gringo is that it almost always *was* a delicacy, at least once upon a time, for the proto-hipsters of the day that created it.

Personally I don't consider casu marzu to be cheese, we don't call cow poop "grass and feed mix" do we?  But when foodie hipster douchebags enter the mix all bets, hygiene, and flavor are off.
 
2014-01-22 07:23:42 AM  
If you can find it, try some Pleasant Ridge Reserve. It is one of the best and has been judged so, cheese in the states.
 
2014-01-22 07:23:42 AM  
But what if it's "Hand crafted vintage artisan Mozzarella?"
 
2014-01-22 07:24:13 AM  

forgotmydamnusername: The most interesting thing in the powdered parmesan was, according to the label, silica, i.e. ground glass or sand. Used to prevent caking, as best I can remember.


Cellulose powder, not silica, which is, basically, a non-water-soluble sugar that is found in damn near everything.
 
2014-01-22 07:33:00 AM  

Gyrfalcon: Cheese Nazis.


img.fark.net
 
2014-01-22 07:36:22 AM  

forgotmydamnusername: Aigoo: forgotmydamnusername: More utter food snob bullshiat. Exotic cheeses that smell and taste like mildew or effluent usually do nothing for me. I guess Parmesan grated off a block is a slight improvement over the stuff in the green jars. I like to take the cheapest, store brand crap Mozzarella and grind it up with meat, bread crumbs and seasonings. Creates a filling for ravioli no one but those dipshiat vegetarians ever refuses to overeat.

/Got the last 2 bottles of Pliny the Elder from the pretentious hipster/yuppie grocery store nearest me, and drank them. It's not bad beer or anything, but I can name at least 6 I think are equally good, for slightly less money, and easier to come by. As is the case so often, it's not the quality of the product, it's hype and hysteria.

Had a friend who worked for Kraft for years. That shiat in the green jars, according to him, has never possessed any ingredient that has ever been near a cow, does not remotely resemble anything dairy, and should not ever be put in the same sentence with the word "cheese." He should know--he used to make it. And what the other guy says about Velveeta is 100% fact.

Ah, that would make them in violation of Federal food labeling standards then. The most interesting thing in the powdered parmesan was, according to the label, silica, i.e. ground glass or sand. Used to prevent caking, as best I can remember. Never really a fan of Velveeta. It would probably take only a little work to convert it into paint, adhesive, a wood filler, or even a form of low-quality plastic. If it actually tasted good, though, I'd eat it anyway.


Green jar parmesan powder literally makes me ill from across the room. It smells like sick baby diapers and microwave popcorn, mixed together, concentrated and rubbed in your face. The glass jar of stuff that looks like shredded parmesan is tolerable and I can eat it. The same company makes them both. I like strong cheese when it's real. Something is Evil about that powdered parmesan I tell ya.
 
2014-01-22 08:04:06 AM  

TV's Vinnie: E5bie: blacksharpiemarker: Sadly, I'm certain most Americans haven't tasted what true, fresh, mozzarella is.

Not very sadly. Having little experience with 'real' mozzarella, I have no reason to b e offended by the eponymous block of dairy protein on my grocer's shelves.

Similarly, I spent the first 30 years of my life having never tasted Greek yogurt. I'd never go back to the watery stuff I was raised on now, but those ignorant years didn't hurt me in the least. Discover a process by which you can make the good stuff affordable and available here, market it, and demand will spread.

I hate Greek style yogurt. Way too sour and firm. Prefer the creamier (not watery) type that's been available for years.


Sour? Hmm. I was raised on bulk tubs of PLAIN yogurt, which we kids were allowed to sweeten ourselves, but moderately, under close supervision. The last serving in the tub was always half water (from settling), and if mom caught us pouring the water off the top she'd grab the tub and mix it back in. (curses!)
I think by volume plain Greek takes less sugar than the regular kind, but maybe the flavored Greek is sourer than flavored regular yogurt because the target consumer is different. It's definitely firmer though, firmer like that last scoop self-served on the sly.
 
2014-01-22 08:06:11 AM  
cdn.hark.com
 
2014-01-22 08:10:29 AM  

E5bie: TV's Vinnie: E5bie: blacksharpiemarker: Sadly, I'm certain most Americans haven't tasted what true, fresh, mozzarella is.

Not very sadly. Having little experience with 'real' mozzarella, I have no reason to b e offended by the eponymous block of dairy protein on my grocer's shelves.

Similarly, I spent the first 30 years of my life having never tasted Greek yogurt. I'd never go back to the watery stuff I was raised on now, but those ignorant years didn't hurt me in the least. Discover a process by which you can make the good stuff affordable and available here, market it, and demand will spread.

I hate Greek style yogurt. Way too sour and firm. Prefer the creamier (not watery) type that's been available for years.

Sour? Hmm. I was raised on bulk tubs of PLAIN yogurt, which we kids were allowed to sweeten ourselves, but moderately, under close supervision. The last serving in the tub was always half water (from settling), and if mom caught us pouring the water off the top she'd grab the tub and mix it back in. (curses!)
I think by volume plain Greek takes less sugar than the regular kind, but maybe the flavored Greek is sourer than flavored regular yogurt because the target consumer is different. It's definitely firmer though, firmer like that last scoop self-served on the sly.


REAL Greek yogurt is made with goat's milk, so it tastes differently from standard yogurt.

However, the crap we get in the US that is labeled 'Greek yogurt' is not made with goat's milk. It's cow's milk yogurt that's retextured and flavored to emulate real Greek yogurt.

\not a foodie
\\can take or leave yogurt
\\\hated the 'Greek yogurt' I tried
\\\\rather have a good stout or porter anyway
 
2014-01-22 08:18:16 AM  

anuran: 4seasons85!: Pointy Tail of Satan: OMG,,,,,,are the Italians insane? Don't click this link if you like cheese......

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Casu_marzu

Didn't click. Already know what is. It's horrifying!

I'm convinced Casu Marzu is "El Plato Gringo". You know "Let's charge the foreigner a lot of money and say it's a delicacy...Holy farking shiat HE PUT IT IN HIS MOUTH!!!"


My father, who is a native Italian, swears that this cheese is delicious. When I object to how disgusting it sounds, he assures me that it's good because the worms are born IN the cheese, so they're clean. THAT DOESN'T CHANGE ANYTHING.
 
2014-01-22 08:31:35 AM  
What a bunch of mooks. Are your taste buds that primitive that you only have room in your heart for one favorite cheese?

img.fark.net
 
2014-01-22 08:38:59 AM  

Trapper439: I prefer another type of cheese, which I sincerely doubt that any of you farking philistines have ever heard of.

You could ask me what it is, but it's not my job to educate you, cheeselord.

/ tip: it's not cheese that comes from a cow or a goat
// think smaller, and more legs


Uruguayan cockroach cheese IS hard to get in this country.
 
2014-01-22 08:39:47 AM  
Stopped reading snobby, pretentious hipster article when I saw that the author doesn't know what the word "literally" means.
 
2014-01-22 08:41:56 AM  
If I cut open a block of cheese and something oozes out, I'm throwing it out.
 
2014-01-22 08:42:00 AM  
Smoked buffalo mozzarella. Eat it and weep.
 
2014-01-22 08:47:21 AM  

Pelvic Splanchnic Ganglion: Stopped reading snobby, pretentious hipster article when I saw that the author doesn't know what the word "literally" means.


So you don't think he was making an obvious wild exageration for self ironic effect?
Do you also think he really cries about it?
 
2014-01-22 08:50:12 AM  

The hopeless imp: If I cut open a block of cheese and something oozes out, I'm throwing it out.


In that case, the Camembert is probably a bit too runny for you, sir.
 
2014-01-22 08:53:48 AM  
Who freaking cares if the writer hates bagged cheese? If I'm using it on pizza or lasagna it's going to be the cheap stuff. Fresh cheese is to price for melting.
 
2014-01-22 08:56:41 AM  

Anonymous Bosch: Food people always, always always go for 3 or 3+


Bingo. I can't stand people like that. They think that only their personally preferred way is the only way and anything else is a disgrace and should be thrown out because it's garbage. Some of the worst are steak snobs.

Steak is best cooked well done. Yeah, you heard me. Cooked all the way through. No pink. No oozing red stuff. I can't stand the texture of non-well done steak. It's like eating play-dough. It triggers my gag reflex. And the taste is something awful, too. It's almost sour to me. And yes, I've had good steak from a proper steak house and it was still bad if it's not well done. And no, well done doesn't automatically equal dry as a bone. Only shiatty cooks dry out a steak by cooking it that way. A knowledged cook can keep it juicy.

But here's the difference. I know that this is my personal preference and I don't expect others to adhere to it nor do I begrudge others for preferring otherwise. Do what makes you happy.

But food asshats exist. I rarely eat steak. A good steakhouse will likely have a snobby biatch at the grill who will do things like give you the shiatty cuts out of spit of a well-done order. Bigger chains like Applebees (another thing that food asshats like to shiat on) are a gamble. The cooks tend to either not care and treat you equally or be bitter in general and fark with you with shiatty cuts and drying it extra on purpose because they prefer it bleeding and mushy.

Give me a "grill your own meat" place and I'd be happy. I'll get to choose a good cut and cook it the way that I like. Whiny food snobs ruined my ability to enjoy and entire type of food while at a restaurant because of "stop liking what I don't like". Fark any and all foodies.

I also cannot stand eggs over easy or any type of egg where the yolk isn't solid. That runny, slimy yolk is another thing that triggers my gag reflex. Something like steak tar-tar, mushy uncooked beef with a raw egg on it, is a food nightmare for me. Keep that shiat away from me.
 
2014-01-22 09:01:13 AM  
Every week we do some variation of this.  Shiatfood is mocked, and shiatfood lovers rush in to tell us how much they don't care.

See you all next week where you can remind everyone for the 500th time just how much you don't care.
 
2014-01-22 09:01:42 AM  
Subby's mom uses skim-milk mozzarella.
 
2014-01-22 09:03:38 AM  
Food of the gods.
localtvwiti.files.wordpress.com
 
2014-01-22 09:08:24 AM  

E5bie: TV's Vinnie: E5bie: blacksharpiemarker: Sadly, I'm certain most Americans haven't tasted what true, fresh, mozzarella is.

Not very sadly. Having little experience with 'real' mozzarella, I have no reason to b e offended by the eponymous block of dairy protein on my grocer's shelves.

Similarly, I spent the first 30 years of my life having never tasted Greek yogurt. I'd never go back to the watery stuff I was raised on now, but those ignorant years didn't hurt me in the least. Discover a process by which you can make the good stuff affordable and available here, market it, and demand will spread.

I hate Greek style yogurt. Way too sour and firm. Prefer the creamier (not watery) type that's been available for years.

Sour? Hmm. I was raised on bulk tubs of PLAIN yogurt, which we kids were allowed to sweeten ourselves, but moderately, under close supervision. The last serving in the tub was always half water (from settling), and if mom caught us pouring the water off the top she'd grab the tub and mix it back in. (curses!)
I think by volume plain Greek takes less sugar than the regular kind, but maybe the flavored Greek is sourer than flavored regular yogurt because the target consumer is different. It's definitely firmer though, firmer like that last scoop self-served on the sly.


"Greek" yogurt is just yogurt which has been drained
 
2014-01-22 09:10:19 AM  

legion_of_doo: I only buy Havarti made by Arla foods after people got pissed off at the Danes for the bomb hat Mohammed cartoon & started a boycott.


That is one of the dumbest reason for buying cheese you could possible have; Arla were the first to publicly apologize for the cartoons on behalf of Denmark.
You are not supporting Danish freedom of speech by giving them your money.
 
2014-01-22 09:42:45 AM  
My preferred cheese/beer/coffee/chocolate/etc. is so much better than your preferred one that it makes yours seem worse than garbage. That definitively proves that I am better than you in every way. In fact, you should probably just kill yourself now and save yourself the torture of living an entire lifetime eating/drinking nothing but that inedible swill that you somehow manage to shovel down your craw.
 
2014-01-22 09:49:23 AM  
FTA: "Burrata
 is an amazing form of mozzarella that also contains cream. Cut open the outside of the cheese, and out comes oozing a spreadable, soft substance"

I'm sorry but that sounds farking disgusting.
 
2014-01-22 09:51:03 AM  

Rapmaster2000: Every week we do some variation of this.  Shiatfood is mocked, and shiatfood lovers rush in to tell us how much they don't care.

See you all next week where you can remind everyone for the 500th time just how much you don't care.


Well actually, some of us are still more interested in explaining how you are flat wrong.

I have had foodie hipster food, and it is often WORSE than the "shiat food" you so charmingly denigrate.  Ever had authentic Chinese food?  I can tell you there is a reason that American Chinese restaurants change the recipes, it is because the original recipes are nasty.

Now the pre-shredded mozzarella I have had was, admittedly, pretty bad (or rather, pretty 'nothing') but the brick stuff next to it?  Pretty darned good and the "comes in squishy balls" goo I had once?  Uninspiring.
 
2014-01-22 09:55:32 AM  
I like a good cheese as much as the next guy, but some times you just want:
 www.seriouseats.com


And you know what? That's fine too.

I love aged Cabot cheddar. Nothing like a good pepper jack. Fresh crumbled bleu cheese on my burger? Sure!

But a couple of slices of Kraft Singles toasted between white bread with a can of condensed tomato soup is a damn fine meal as well.

Other than pre-shredded cheese being a waste of money unless you really need a lot of it and don't own a power shredder, then I understand, I'm not judging you.

Enjoy your food. Enjoy it to the fullest. Just eat it in moderation. Be healthy. We're all in this together until we can perfect interplanetary travel.
 
2014-01-22 10:05:36 AM  
The author of TFA couldn't have come across as more of a coont if the entire article consisted of "I am a coont" written over and over again.
 
2014-01-22 10:05:42 AM  
"Foodie" = "Douchebag"
 
2014-01-22 10:07:09 AM  

Harry_Seldon: My favorite cheese...

[www.madeinoregon.com image 850x850]


One of my favorites as well.  Perfect sharp cheddar.
i rarely eat them with crackers. It's to good to put on a dry piece of cardboard.
I do like slicing up some buffalo summer sausage though to use as a chaser.
 
2014-01-22 10:21:46 AM  

E5bie: I was raised on bulk tubs of PLAIN yogurt, which we kids were allowed to sweeten ourselves, but moderately, under close supervision.


"Careful. Carrrrrefulllll. Not too mu-DAMMIT YOU PUT IN TOO MUCH! YOU'RE NOT MY SON I HATE YOU! YOU ARE NOTHING TO ME!!"
 
2014-01-22 10:42:31 AM  

Dansker: CygnusDarius: ciberido: Farker Soze: I only partake in Venezuelan beaver cheese.

Not today, sir, no.

How about Cheddar?

Not much call for it, round these parts.


Not much ca-- it's the single most popular cheese in the world! .
 
2014-01-22 10:48:20 AM  

Rapmaster2000: Every week we do some variation of this.  Shiatfood is mocked, and shiatfood lovers rush in to tell us how much they don't care.

See you all next week where you can remind everyone for the 500th time just how much you don't care.


Go fark yourself hipster.
 
2014-01-22 10:56:36 AM  
Lack a worthwhile skill-set or any measurable achievements to date, but are still dying to be a condescending little prick?

"Foodie" blogging is the answer.
 
2014-01-22 11:06:29 AM  

China White Tea: Lack a worthwhile skill-set or any measurable achievements to date, but are still dying to be a condescending little prick?

"Foodie" blogging is the answer.


When the answer is "post angrily on Fark about someone who gets paid to write about his interests", what is the question?
 
2014-01-22 11:21:18 AM  

E5bie: blacksharpiemarker: Sadly, I'm certain most Americans haven't tasted what true, fresh, mozzarella is.

Not very sadly. Having little experience with 'real' mozzarella, I have no reason to b e offended by the eponymous block of dairy protein on my grocer's shelves.

Similarly, I spent the first 30 years of my life having never tasted Greek yogurt. I'd never go back to the watery stuff I was raised on now,


Don't knock the concept of "watery" yogurt until you've tried a lassi.
 
2014-01-22 11:24:47 AM  

detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Shazam999: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.
Don't be silly, Velveeta is made of orphaned babies.
Let's put it this way... it's older than you think,  And the phrase "bacteria containment hold" is a thing.


Oh yeah. I found that out when I was doing a job where I had to camp for long stretches, no refrigeration or anything. I love cheese and peanut butter gets kind of old, so I had a block of Velveeta. Damn, that stuff could freeze, melt in the sun, freeze again, turn into a puddle, and it never changed. I could still eat it and it tasted the same. Man, I love Velveeta.
 
2014-01-22 11:28:26 AM  

ladyfortuna: Let's see, a quick look at Wegmans.com... 8 oz of 'Fresh' mozz (I don't really know how well it compares, but whatever) is 2.99. 16 oz block of 'regular' mozz is 3.99.

It's almost like people on a budget have to go with what can stretch the farthest, especially if they have a kid or three.


That right there. I harbor no illusions that the 5-lb bag of Kirkland's shredded cheddar is the greatest cheese ever crafted. But it's inexpensive and we can parcel it out over a few months.

/Don't care for the Kirkland's mozzarella
//We load up on Sargento when it goes on sale.
///Chest Freezer is among the best $175 we've spent.
 
2014-01-22 11:32:25 AM  

arentol: The article is bagging on bagged pre-shredded cheeses. I am in full agreement with that aspect of the article. I buy blocks or wedges of cheese and grate it fresh myself. It always tastes way better freshly grated/sliced than the bagged stuff. Next time you are making a pizza instead of buying pre-grated cheese buy one of those cylinders of "fresh"* mozzarella and cut it in slices and spread those over the TOP** of the pizza toppings. When it is done cooking if the cheese isn't brown like the pictures below then turn the broiler on and put it on the second rack down from the top for a minute or two to get finish off the pizza properly. It is a WAY better experience.


I was wondering why Wal-Mart suddenly stopped selling the big blocks of cheese, and now most of it is the pre-shredded kind, for the same price. I figured it had to do with the pre-shredded kind being inferior. I always bought the 2-lb. blocks and shredded it myself, now I think all they have is the the more expensive brand names in the blocks. But I might go back to them anyway, the shredded stuff just isn't very good.  And I didn't even read the article.
 
2014-01-22 11:37:43 AM  
Jasper Hill Winnimere
4.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-01-22 11:49:42 AM  
l'Explorateur
 
2014-01-22 11:52:59 AM  
l'Explorateur avec image.
media.cheesemonthclub.com
 
2014-01-22 11:57:14 AM  
Cypress Grove Humboldt Fog
www.tastingsgourmetmarket.com
 
2014-01-22 11:59:01 AM  

HindiDiscoMonster: Jannock: Cheesus Christ, dudes a renet sucking culture snob.

/cheese puns
//cheddar late than never.
///"Americans eat 30 pounds of cheese each year", Ida thunk a country as big as this, it'd be way more.

Jesus on Cheese


Cool! Thanks for that link. Old School Amiga.
 
2014-01-22 12:07:03 PM  
For god's sake, make your own ..

/wimps
 
2014-01-22 12:10:14 PM  
www.sirena.hr
Pag cheese from Croatia, the best cheese I have ever had. Hard, sharp, sheep's milk.
 
2014-01-22 12:18:36 PM  

Shazam999: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.

Don't be silly, Velveeta is made of orphaned babies.


Must be why Martha Stewart loves it.
 
2014-01-22 12:29:28 PM  
Epoisses de Bourgogne (obligatory)
dico-cuisine.fr
/hesitated putting this one up because it's already everyone's favorite.
 
2014-01-22 12:33:18 PM  
Mozzarella is awesome.  Therefor subby and article author can go fark themselves.

Man, now I want a prosciutto and mozzarella sandwich on a baguette.  With some red wine vinegar and olive oil.  Maybe some red peppers.  And water crest or spinach.
 
2014-01-22 12:44:37 PM  

detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: meat0918: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Shazam999: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.

Don't be silly, Velveeta is made of orphaned babies.

Let's put it this way... it's older than you think,  And the phrase "bacteria containment hold" is a thing.

That's why it's pasteurized a second (and third and fourth probably) time.

It's still farking gross.


I'm guessing you don't eat alot of cheese, do you?

OMG....this cheese has MOLD on it too AAAARRRGGHHHH!!!!
 
2014-01-22 12:52:07 PM  

2KanZam: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: meat0918: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Shazam999: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.

Don't be silly, Velveeta is made of orphaned babies.

Let's put it this way... it's older than you think,  And the phrase "bacteria containment hold" is a thing.

That's why it's pasteurized a second (and third and fourth probably) time.

It's still farking gross.

I'm guessing you don't eat alot of cheese, do you?

OMG....this cheese has MOLD on it too AAAARRRGGHHHH!!!!


You have never been in a manufacturing space for cheese have you?  You have no idea what terrifying things happen.  I love moldy cheese, I just don't love cheese that has been quarantined because of dangerous pathogens found in quality sampling that is then heated up and reformed into a block that becomes Velveeta.
 
2014-01-22 01:27:45 PM  
detroitdoesntsuckthatbad:
You have never been in a manufacturing space for cheese have you?  You have no idea what terrifying things happen.  I love moldy cheese, I just don't love cheese that has been quarantined because of dangerous pathogens found in quality sampling that is then heated up and reformed into a block that becomes Velveeta.


Agreed, in many ways pasteurized cheeses are much more dangerous. Nearly all cases of cheese related sickness is from pasteurized cheeses that have been exposed to pathogens. Whereas raw cheese does not go bad, it goes good.
Mozzarella cheese, however does not rot into goodness. It's fresh. Often it is sold the same day it is milked.
www.oscargreen.it
Teresa Palmieri of Tenuta Vannulo, a Campana, Italy. None of their cheese is exported. If you want some of her family's Mozzarella di Bufala you have to go there. Early. The buffalo are milked in the morning. They sell out every day before noon.
 
2014-01-22 01:32:11 PM  

Dansker: (Ignored: Dickbag)


The joke is the smarm and superiority that comes with this. This Secret Brotherhood circlejerking about the tradition and the blah blah blah I forget what you said and I don't feel like reloading the page to find out.

Did I come into a food thread just to call food people names? Yes! Yes I did. That's what the thread was set up for- mockery of people and attitudes like this. That was the point. If you have a problem with it, talk to subby.
 
2014-01-22 01:36:27 PM  

CtrlAltDestroy: Anonymous Bosch: Food people always, always always go for 3 or 3+

Bingo. I can't stand people like that. They think that only their personally preferred way is the only way and anything else is a disgrace and should be thrown out because it's garbage. Some of the worst are steak snobs.

Steak is best cooked well done. Yeah, you heard me. Cooked all the way through. No pink. No oozing red stuff. I can't stand the texture of non-well done steak. It's like eating play-dough. It triggers my gag reflex. And the taste is something awful, too. It's almost sour to me. And yes, I've had good steak from a proper steak house and it was still bad if it's not well done. And no, well done doesn't automatically equal dry as a bone. Only shiatty cooks dry out a steak by cooking it that way. A knowledged cook can keep it juicy.

But here's the difference. I know that this is my personal preference and I don't expect others to adhere to it nor do I begrudge others for preferring otherwise. Do what makes you happy.

But food asshats exist. I rarely eat steak. A good steakhouse will likely have a snobby biatch at the grill who will do things like give you the shiatty cuts out of spit of a well-done order. Bigger chains like Applebees (another thing that food asshats like to shiat on) are a gamble. The cooks tend to either not care and treat you equally or be bitter in general and fark with you with shiatty cuts and drying it extra on purpose because they prefer it bleeding and mushy.

Give me a "grill your own meat" place and I'd be happy. I'll get to choose a good cut and cook it the way that I like. Whiny food snobs ruined my ability to enjoy and entire type of food while at a restaurant because of "stop liking what I don't like". Fark any and all foodies.

I also cannot stand eggs over easy or any type of egg where the yolk isn't solid. That runny, slimy yolk is another thing that triggers my gag reflex. Something like steak tar-tar, mushy uncooked beef with a raw egg on it, is a f ...


I'm okay with rare meat but Jesus Christ, steak tartare. That shiat should be mixed up, fried on a grill, and put on a bun.
 
2014-01-22 01:39:51 PM  

Smirky the Wonder Chimp: Wow, Fark ate the link.  I'm talking about this.

[www.widmerscheese.com image 450x450]


I grew up eating Limburger cheese and liverwurst on rye with my German father in Wisconsin. Still love the stuff. Also, every Farker in the Midwest should attend Cheese Days in Monroe Wisconsin at least once in their lifetime: Link
 
2014-01-22 01:55:06 PM  

detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.


Farmer/Brick cheese is Nasty.

And noted- not that I ever would; who ever heard of cheese that doesn't need refrigeration in your standard home. XP
 
2014-01-22 01:55:11 PM  

caddisfly: I grew up eating Limburger cheese and liverwurst on rye with my German father in Wisconsin. Still love the stuff.


Every spring I host an event which offers only Limburger and raw onion on rye. Oh, and beer. Some are hesitant, but there is never anything left over. I embrace it but we are reluctant Midwesterners here in Buffalo. Some locals indignantly insist we are East Coast.
 
2014-01-22 02:10:46 PM  

ciberido: E5bie: blacksharpiemarker: Sadly, I'm certain most Americans haven't tasted what true, fresh, mozzarella is.

Not very sadly. Having little experience with 'real' mozzarella, I have no reason to b e offended by the eponymous block of dairy protein on my grocer's shelves.

Similarly, I spent the first 30 years of my life having never tasted Greek yogurt. I'd never go back to the watery stuff I was raised on now,

Don't knock the concept of "watery" yogurt until you've tried a lassi.


Oooh...
...  *Bucket listed.
 
2014-01-22 02:10:47 PM  

Amphipath: I don't care how farking runny it is, fetch it hither with all speed.


upload.wikimedia.org
 
2014-01-22 03:00:43 PM  
"cheese" in a spray is really stretching the term.
 
2014-01-22 03:14:39 PM  

Harry_Seldon: My favorite cheese...

[www.madeinoregon.com image 850x850]


I'll see your delicious Tillamook and raise you an irresistable

i.imgur.com
 
2014-01-22 03:27:48 PM  

CtrlAltDestroy: Anonymous Bosch: Food people always, always always go for 3 or 3+

Bingo. I can't stand people like that. They think that only their personally preferred way is the only way and anything else is a disgrace and should be thrown out because it's garbage. Some of the worst are steak snobs.

Steak is best cooked well done. Yeah, you heard me. Cooked all the way through. No pink. No oozing red stuff. I can't stand the texture of non-well done steak. It's like eating play-dough. It triggers my gag reflex. And the taste is something awful, too. It's almost sour to me. And yes, I've had good steak from a proper steak house and it was still bad if it's not well done. And no, well done doesn't automatically equal dry as a bone. Only shiatty cooks dry out a steak by cooking it that way. A knowledged cook can keep it juicy.

But here's the difference. I know that this is my personal preference and I don't expect others to adhere to it nor do I begrudge others for preferring otherwise. Do what makes you happy.

But food asshats exist. I rarely eat steak. A good steakhouse will likely have a snobby biatch at the grill who will do things like give you the shiatty cuts out of spit of a well-done order. Bigger chains like Applebees (another thing that food asshats like to shiat on) are a gamble. The cooks tend to either not care and treat you equally or be bitter in general and fark with you with shiatty cuts and drying it extra on purpose because they prefer it bleeding and mushy.

Give me a "grill your own meat" place and I'd be happy. I'll get to choose a good cut and cook it the way that I like. Whiny food snobs ruined my ability to enjoy and entire type of food while at a restaurant because of "stop liking what I don't like". Fark any and all foodies.

I also cannot stand eggs over easy or any type of egg where the yolk isn't solid. That runny, slimy yolk is another thing that triggers my gag reflex. Something like steak tar-tar, mushy uncooked beef with a raw egg on it, is a f ...


You gag a lot. Weird. Go with what floats your boat, I guess.
 
2014-01-22 03:40:05 PM  

detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: 2KanZam: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: meat0918: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Shazam999: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.

Don't be silly, Velveeta is made of orphaned babies.

Let's put it this way... it's older than you think,  And the phrase "bacteria containment hold" is a thing.

That's why it's pasteurized a second (and third and fourth probably) time.

It's still farking gross.

I'm guessing you don't eat alot of cheese, do you?

OMG....this cheese has MOLD on it too AAAARRRGGHHHH!!!!

You have never been in a manufacturing space for cheese have you?  You have no idea what terrifying things happen.  I love moldy cheese, I just don't love cheese that has been quarantined because of dangerous pathogens found in quality sampling that is then heated up and reformed into a block that becomes Velveeta.



Meh, that's what pasteurization is for I guess...

So much for that NDA.
 
2014-01-22 04:06:23 PM  

2KanZam: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: 2KanZam: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: meat0918: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: Shazam999: detroitdoesntsuckthatbad: I did a fair amount of work for one of the largest mozzarella manufacturers in the US (4 billion a year and they supply almost every major pizza company in the US).. They also supply Kraft for their Velveeta base cheese.  I had to sign a NDA but please please please never buy that stuff.  I am by no means healthy and not a food health nazi but if there is one thing Fark can do for you in your life... don't buy Velveeta.  It's a mozzarella base and it's beyond disgusting.

Don't be silly, Velveeta is made of orphaned babies.

Let's put it this way... it's older than you think,  And the phrase "bacteria containment hold" is a thing.

That's why it's pasteurized a second (and third and fourth probably) time.

It's still farking gross.

I'm guessing you don't eat alot of cheese, do you?

OMG....this cheese has MOLD on it too AAAARRRGGHHHH!!!!

You have never been in a manufacturing space for cheese have you?  You have no idea what terrifying things happen.  I love moldy cheese, I just don't love cheese that has been quarantined because of dangerous pathogens found in quality sampling that is then heated up and reformed into a block that becomes Velveeta.


Meh, that's what pasteurization is for I guess...

So much for that NDA.


It would help if I still worked there.
 
2014-01-22 04:10:35 PM  
Stinks so good.
But there's nothing wrong with using shiatty low moisture part skim mozzarella on your pizza. It's what it's there for.

www.fruitieres-chabert.com
 
2014-01-22 04:11:24 PM  

Dansker: The hopeless imp: If I cut open a block of cheese and something oozes out, I'm throwing it out.

In that case, the Camembert is probably a bit too runny for you, sir.


Doesn't really matter how runny it is. The cat's had it.
 
2014-01-22 05:58:48 PM  
These bags of pre-grated, fibrous strings of dairy-like substance that come dusted with preservatives are literally the devil.

The author is literally an idiot.

/Notice how I used that word properly.
 
2014-01-22 07:28:30 PM  
Nightsweat: Tomme de Savoie

yes.
 
2014-01-22 08:46:26 PM  

Satanic_Hamster: Mozzarella is awesome.  Therefor subby and article author can go fark themselves.

Man, now I want a prosciutto and mozzarella sandwich on a baguette.  With some red wine vinegar and olive oil.  Maybe some red peppers.  And water crest or spinach.


HA! You almost fooled us. But it's 'waterCRESS', not 'water crest'.

YOU EAT GAS STATION HOT DOGS AND YOU LIKE IT!!!!!
 
2014-01-23 11:39:48 AM  

LZeitgeist: Satanic_Hamster: Mozzarella is awesome.  Therefor subby and article author can go fark themselves.

Man, now I want a prosciutto and mozzarella sandwich on a baguette.  With some red wine vinegar and olive oil.  Maybe some red peppers.  And water crest or spinach.

HA! You almost fooled us. But it's 'waterCRESS', not 'water crest'.

YOU EAT GAS STATION HOT DOGS AND YOU LIKE IT!!!!!


When I was in my twenties a friend and I had a .... thing going where we searched for the worst gas station hot dogs in our state.  I don't know why, I can't really explain it: machismo?  Masochism?

We ate a lot of bad hot dogs that year.
 
2014-01-23 12:02:02 PM  

ciberido: LZeitgeist: Satanic_Hamster: Mozzarella is awesome.  Therefor subby and article author can go fark themselves.

Man, now I want a prosciutto and mozzarella sandwich on a baguette.  With some red wine vinegar and olive oil.  Maybe some red peppers.  And water crest or spinach.

HA! You almost fooled us. But it's 'waterCRESS', not 'water crest'.

YOU EAT GAS STATION HOT DOGS AND YOU LIKE IT!!!!!

When I was in my twenties a friend and I had a .... thing going where we searched for the worst gas station hot dogs in our state.  I don't know why, I can't really explain it: machismo?  Masochism?

We ate a lot of bad hot dogs that year.


That's what she said!
 
Displayed 218 of 218 comments

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter





In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report