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(ABC)   Here's something everyone can get behind: Best ways to harass annoying telemarketers that harass you   (abcnews.go.com) divider line 30
    More: Spiffy, prosthetic leg  
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17852 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Jan 2014 at 3:55 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-01-21 04:44:07 PM  
7 votes:

stpauler: A man in Glendale, Calif., submitted his strategy, which involves telling a pitchmen that he needs to get a pen and paper, then disappears for a bit. When he returns, he says he needs to get his wallet from the other room. Gosh, he says when he returns, that darn wallet must be in the car. Can you hold on a minute while I get it? And so on. He says with pride that while he's never gotten to the 30-minute mark with a telemarketer, he's often broken 20.

I'm not a busy person, in fact, last night I re-watched 3 reruns of the Big Bang Theory non-stop because I was too lazy to find a movie to watch. But Christ, Glendale, get a life.


No you get a life.
2014-01-21 03:14:51 PM  
4 votes:
i amuse myself by telling them they have a pretty voice and would make way more money doing phone sex. then i ask what kind of panties they're wearing (they're always guys) and tell them i'm not wearing anything at all. usually by this time they've yelled and hung up, but if not, mmm, let's talk about their hot man rod and, i dunno, something about gaping and gasping for more or something.

i'm easily amused.
2014-01-21 04:16:42 PM  
3 votes:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmKtS-k12b0">http://www.youtube.com/wa tch?v=ZmKtS-k12b0

The only way to deal with Telemarketers
2014-01-21 02:58:47 PM  
3 votes:
I'm somewhat amused about an article on how annoying telemarketers are that has an autoplay ad you can't stop.
2014-01-21 04:49:43 PM  
2 votes:
I got one of those "we detected a virus on your computer" calls when I was bored one day. I kept the guy on the phone for almost 45 minutes by pretending to be very concerned about the "virus", and following his instructions as best I could on an imaginary Linux system that "I'm not really good at". I told him it was Windows, but I gave enough clues that anyone who knows computers should have figured it out.

/"Well, I don't see a Start button but I do have something that says Applications. Is that right?"
//Just laying back on the couch drinking a beer and trying not to laugh about how frustrated he was getting
2014-01-21 04:48:08 PM  
2 votes:

Sybarite: In a later column, Lazarus, who calls this strategy a "reverse scam," invited readers to submit more strategies for making the lives of telemarketers a living hell.

I always try to take some time out of my day to worsen the lives of people in shiatty, low-paying jobs.


So you're a telemarketer?
2014-01-21 04:26:45 PM  
2 votes:

cookiefleck: A lot of people confuse "telemarketing" and collection calls. If you haven't paid your car note in 3 months, don't be surprised that people are calling you. I understand the calls are super annoying, but you're better off communicating with the collections company than waking up upset to not find your car.


I had a collection agency calling for months looking for the guy who used to have my cell number. I was polite the first couple of times and explained their error, but they didn't believe me. After that I just had fun with them: promising payments, asking them to send documents, telling them to go fark their mothers, demanding to speak with supervisors, etc. At some point I authorized them to do a credit check at which point they called to confirm my "new" address and place of employment. It was during that phone call that it dawned on them that:

1. People living in Fort McMurray, Alberta for over a year generally don't have 519 area codes.
2. I'd been jerking them around for several months.
2014-01-21 02:56:23 PM  
2 votes:
www.zgeek.com
2014-01-21 09:36:21 PM  
1 votes:
I have a few stock roles that I use:
1. The Elder (variations: The Confused Elder, The Hard-of-Hearing Elder, and The Lonely Elder)
2. The Drunk (variations: The Naughty Drunk, The Just-Divorced Drunk, and The Angry Drunk)
3. The Distracted Guy
4. The Racist (variations: The Redneck Racist, The Urbane Racist)
5. The Chatty Guy

Think of it as a civil service: Every minute that you keep one of them on the line is a minute they can't be bugging someone else.  And if everyone would do the same thing, telemarketing would instantly become so unprofitable that it would just go away.
2014-01-21 08:29:39 PM  
1 votes:
Hand the phone to a small child and tell them it's Santa.
2014-01-21 06:53:45 PM  
1 votes:
<CSB>

Short version of my proudest moment, circa 2001.

Got a telemarketer selling "Cancer Insurance" which supposedly pays for all your treatment costs should you get the big C. Being an aspiring improviser, I let the guy make his pitch and gave MAJOR indicators of interest -- "How much is it?" "Is there a waiting period before it takes effect?" "How soon can I sign up?" The telemarketer was so overly stoked to have a live prospect that he blew through the rest of the pitch and went straight for the close "Would you be interested in signing up for this now?" "Totally, let's do this." I said, "So I can sign up for this right now and have it go into effect immediately?"

"Yes." The marketer said.

"Sweet!" I exclaimed. "It will save me a bundle!"

There was a dramatic pause and then the marketer asked, "Oh, have you ever had cancer?"

In my most hopeful tone possible. "Well, I *have* cancer but I am going to kick it's ass and by having you guys pay my treatment costs, my pancreas and I will get through this."

Another dramatic pause.

"I am so sorry sir, but you don't qualify."

Since he had already answered "yes" to my question of can i sign up for this right now, I continued to press him to sign me up -- "But you said I was eligible... You said I could sign up right now!"

After a few moments of my insisting that he be true to his word and let me sign up, I truly believe I could hear tears and he ended the call saying "I am so sorry to have wasted your time..."

Now THAT is how you destroy a telemarketer.

</CSB>
2014-01-21 06:36:03 PM  
1 votes:
In the late 1990's before the Do Not Call lists, got these all the time. Our youngest had just started talking, and loved to chat on the phone. We'd just pass the telemarketer off to her, and bingo! Never hear from them again. Other times when the dishwasher was running, I'd just set the phone on the counter above it and walk off for a few minutes...
2014-01-21 06:23:51 PM  
1 votes:
I use to mess with the robo-callers, even though I knew I was just being put on the "hot list" or whatever you could call it, because I was a known valid number that actually picked up.  I also learned fairly quickly that the guys on the other end were mostly immune to whatever insults, time wasters, loud noises, or anything else you threw at them.

There's only one thing that I found that seriously and legitimately ruffled their jimmies.  I held them on the line for as long as I felt comfortable, and answered any questions they had with whatever BS I wanted to give.  When I got bored, I'd wait until they asked a question and then I'd say,

"Wait, I think I discovered a problem."
They'd say, "What?"
and I'd follow, "The problem is, you've wasted your life and your family is ashamed of you."

I'll be damned if that didn't cut to the bone every single time.  I had a guy, a auto warranty telemarketer, stay on the phone for twenty minutes cussing me out at the top of his voice.  I know I heard a girl cry before she hung up.

You have to understand, a lot of these guys don't know they work for scammers.  They're mostly down on their luck individuals who just waiting for their lives to get back on track.  One dude told me he was journeyman welder.  Another woman had to go to work for the first time in her life when her husband left her and her three children.  They've been told that other companies scam people, but this company is the real deal.  They've been told they're licensed, and they're allowed to make these calls and that the do not call list doesn't apply to them, for some reason or another.  One guy told me he was a federally licensed direct marketing engineer through the Department of Agriculture.  Why the DOA?  "Who knows, man. The government is farked up. That's just how it works."  They would tell me these things because they seriously wanted to prove to me that they are loved and valued by someone.

So knowing that these people are real human beings with feelings and pride and self worth, only then do you unlock the secret of how to really destroy them.  You have to get in there, under their skin, by surprise, and shock them with the lowest accusation of worthlessness you can possibly throw at them.  The delivery is key.  Do it right, and they don't recover easily.
2014-01-21 05:30:18 PM  
1 votes:

Nick Nostril: My dad was evil with these poor bastards. He would fark mercilously with them. They'd hang up on him.

/just the way he was


My dad's trick was to try to sell them a car, a boat, whatever he could spy from his window when they called.

He's a retired vet, so he has a lot of time on his hands.

"No, I'm good on life insurance, thanks.  But hey, while I got you on the line, I got this 1988 Pontiac Fiero that I'm looking to unload, you interested? The steering wheel is snapped and she's on blocks, but she's a GOOD car!"
2014-01-21 05:29:13 PM  
1 votes:
Nobody tries to convert them to Mormonism?
2014-01-21 05:02:55 PM  
1 votes:
I love messing with telemarketers.  If they call at work, I let them start their pitch.  When they break for a second, I go full into "information on our services" pitch. I actually got into a battle with one.  "Are you interested in Charter or not?" "Well, are you interested, I can register you over the phone right now?"  At home though, that's more fun.  A few years ago I got a call for a video club.  I asked if they had any decent midget porn.  Then the time Time-Life called, bringing up that I had bought the Treasure of Christmas (this was years ago, mind), I told them I was a Satanist, the telemarketer said "you're a WHAT?!" and hung up.

I hate the robocalls though.  You keep getting them, even if you're on the Do Not Call registry.  No way to backtrack as they use dummy phone numbers or it comes up as restricted.  And if you try to reach a person, they turn around and say pressing 1 gave permission for them to contact you.  The worst part is they don't always clear the phone line when you hang up.  Had that at work, where the line was tied up for 15 minutes after hanging up with them.  Strange.
2014-01-21 04:57:58 PM  
1 votes:
Tom Mabe has been all over this for years

http://youtu.be/mkdoogjic4I
2014-01-21 04:45:23 PM  
1 votes:
i34.tinypic.com
2014-01-21 04:42:22 PM  
1 votes:
My dad once answered a telemarking call from a credit card company, and they asked for my mom. His response was, "Excuse me, who is this again? That woman BETTER NOT have ANOTHER credit card I swear!!!" and the agent apologized and hung up.

Another time, my then 7 year old brother was on the phone for 10 minutes. Finally, my parents went over to the phone, and they hear my brother say "How old do you have to be to vote?"

Good times.
2014-01-21 04:38:33 PM  
1 votes:
I love telemarketing calls, in as much I love stabbing my hand with a fork during a meeting in order to stay awake. I have performed the
farting method, the 'Hold on while I get XXX' method. They all work when used judiciously

/My next tele-call I will be getting a sloppy blowjob. See how they'll like that!
2014-01-21 04:37:16 PM  
1 votes:
I usually just start fapping off loudly, to bad loud german pron, while begging my dog to lick my sack harder. That usually works.
2014-01-21 04:20:38 PM  
1 votes:
I get them at work. Usually robocalls talking about a small business loan or trying to sell leads. But, every once in a while the sun shines through the clouds and I get these guys who call out of Arizona who immediately assume I'm the boss (company name has his name in it) when I say he's not in they ask for his cell number and sometimes get real damn aggressive. Homophobic rants and the like. Last time I called I gave them the rejection hotline number and the guy sounded so thrilled to get the bosses cell. Yeah, two minutes later he calls back screaming about how much cock I suck and how he's going to kick my ass and he asks me "you think that was pretty funny, huh?" Yes. Yes I do.
2014-01-21 04:19:03 PM  
1 votes:

Pocket Ninja: It's nice to see that ABC News is writing ad copy for nomorobo.com. Nomorobo.com, your free destination for ending annoying robo calls. Visit nomorobo.com for more information on how you can sign up for this revolutionary service with no more than an email address. Remember: nomorobo.com. Visit today.


A good portion of the news today is lazy, untrained "reporters" regurgitating some pitch from an ad agency trying to create some buzz.  Luckily, we have Fark.com to link every single one of these for us.
2014-01-21 04:12:48 PM  
1 votes:
I frequently got calls on my cellphone from random cities across the US, all from the same "Credit Card Services" company. While the caller ID made it easy to tell, it was still annoying to feel my phone vibrating and have to check to see if it was actually a human.

Then I added this to the start of my outgoing message. After a couple of weeks, the robocalls dropped to almost zero.
2014-01-21 04:10:21 PM  
1 votes:
I put on my robe and wizard hat, and then...
2014-01-21 03:57:36 PM  
1 votes:
It's nice to see that ABC News is writing ad copy for nomorobo.com. Nomorobo.com, your free destination for ending annoying robo calls. Visit nomorobo.com for more information on how you can sign up for this revolutionary service with no more than an email address. Remember: nomorobo.com. Visit today.
2014-01-21 03:06:08 PM  
1 votes:
A man in Glendale, Calif., submitted his strategy, which involves telling a pitchmen that he needs to get a pen and paper, then disappears for a bit. When he returns, he says he needs to get his wallet from the other room. Gosh, he says when he returns, that darn wallet must be in the car. Can you hold on a minute while I get it? And so on. He says with pride that while he's never gotten to the 30-minute mark with a telemarketer, he's often broken 20.

I'm not a busy person, in fact, last night I re-watched 3 reruns of the Big Bang Theory non-stop because I was too lazy to find a movie to watch. But Christ, Glendale, get a life.
2014-01-21 02:52:14 PM  
1 votes:
I remember that Seinfeld episode!
2014-01-21 02:32:47 PM  
1 votes:
Oh, good, I shall forward that to 2003, which is I think the last time I got a call from a telemarketer
2014-01-21 02:30:37 PM  
1 votes:
Or just hang up and live your life.
 
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