Do you have adblock enabled?
 
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(ABC News)   Here's something everyone can get behind: Best ways to harass annoying telemarketers that harass you   (abcnews.go.com ) divider line
    More: Spiffy, prosthetic leg  
•       •       •

17863 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Jan 2014 at 3:55 PM (2 years ago)   |   Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



211 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

Archived thread

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Last | Show all
 
2014-01-21 06:36:03 PM  
In the late 1990's before the Do Not Call lists, got these all the time. Our youngest had just started talking, and loved to chat on the phone. We'd just pass the telemarketer off to her, and bingo! Never hear from them again. Other times when the dishwasher was running, I'd just set the phone on the counter above it and walk off for a few minutes...
 
2014-01-21 06:42:35 PM  

cookiefleck: Most of the suggestions here to annoy telemarketers, while satisfying for you, don't really effect the telemarketers. They just move on to the next and never even think of you after their shift is done. It's not like they lie awake in bed going "why? Why would that man call my mother a whore? He never even met her!"


That's why I ever only wasted their time for the lulz. you know they've been called every vile thing so it can't possibly get through. as long as you're entertaining yourself though, it's all good*

*no threats or anything that could be construed as a crime
 
2014-01-21 06:48:41 PM  
I have a Digitone call blocker, and it took a year for me to use up the 80 number block list. After that I started blocking area codes, but the calls kept coming. I finally got tired of the game of wack-a-mole and turned on the auto-reject function and now only whitelisted calls get through. I was getting 3-6 calls a day from "1", 000-000-0000, card services, security scams, even some with no caller id at all. Now when the phone rings, I know it's someone I actually want to talk with. It's a little quirky to use, and it has a limited number of allowed caller lists, but it suits my needs for now. I'd recommened it for those people who don't have a large list of people they talk with, as there are newer devices that offer larger block lists. They're more expensive however.
 
2014-01-21 06:48:57 PM  

Terrible Old Man: shtychkn: "Tell me more," he says when the pitchman comes on the line. "Give me all the details." From that point on, the Texan's only goal is to keep the pitchman on the line as long as possible.

As a former telemarketer this is probably the worst thing you could do to them: waste their time.  Hanging up right away isn't a problem, it lets them move on to new leads (potential customers).  But wastign their time drives them up a wall mad.

I call bullshiat. A river of bullshiat. As a former telemarketer myself, I didn't give a shiat about that at all. It wasn't my time you are wasting, it was company time. At most, you're giving me entertainment once I start to suspect you're lying, at the very least, hey, THANKS FOR BREAKING UP THE MONOTONY I'M SUFFERING ALL DAY BY GOING PAST THE INTRODUCTION!

If you say no thank you, hang up, great. No problem, next number. If not, great, now I get to read something different from the 47 calls I just had say no. The caller doesn't give a shiat anymore than the guy taking orders at McD's cares that you decide you want a number 3 rather than a number 1. At the very least, you've given them something different to do in an 8 hour day.

It isn't like the caller owns the company and every "yes" is money in his pocket, he's just a drone who gets paid by the hour, and doesn't give a shiat how those hours are spent. Obviously.


I guess you weren't paid on commission. Some are.
 
2014-01-21 06:53:22 PM  

Lamberts Ho Man: Does Nomorobo work for political robocalls?  If so, I'll be signing up before the 2016 elections.


No. Nomorobo specifically will not filter political calls.
I have Nomorobo and it works great on killing well over half of the robo calls.

I think you need several layers of screening.  I have a block list on Panasonic phones that works great with couple of key presses to add but sadly, it only holds 10 numbers.   I keep erasing old numbers to block and adding new ones.

I'm planning on setting up another dedicated PC just to hang up.
 
2014-01-21 06:53:45 PM  
<CSB>

Short version of my proudest moment, circa 2001.

Got a telemarketer selling "Cancer Insurance" which supposedly pays for all your treatment costs should you get the big C. Being an aspiring improviser, I let the guy make his pitch and gave MAJOR indicators of interest -- "How much is it?" "Is there a waiting period before it takes effect?" "How soon can I sign up?" The telemarketer was so overly stoked to have a live prospect that he blew through the rest of the pitch and went straight for the close "Would you be interested in signing up for this now?" "Totally, let's do this." I said, "So I can sign up for this right now and have it go into effect immediately?"

"Yes." The marketer said.

"Sweet!" I exclaimed. "It will save me a bundle!"

There was a dramatic pause and then the marketer asked, "Oh, have you ever had cancer?"

In my most hopeful tone possible. "Well, I *have* cancer but I am going to kick it's ass and by having you guys pay my treatment costs, my pancreas and I will get through this."

Another dramatic pause.

"I am so sorry sir, but you don't qualify."

Since he had already answered "yes" to my question of can i sign up for this right now, I continued to press him to sign me up -- "But you said I was eligible... You said I could sign up right now!"

After a few moments of my insisting that he be true to his word and let me sign up, I truly believe I could hear tears and he ended the call saying "I am so sorry to have wasted your time..."

Now THAT is how you destroy a telemarketer.

</CSB>
 
2014-01-21 06:55:59 PM  

elysive: cookiefleck: A lot of people confuse "telemarketing" and collection calls. If you haven't paid your car note in 3 months, don't be surprised that people are calling you. I understand the calls are super annoying, but you're better off communicating with the collections company than waking up upset to not find your car.

Yay, I love getting collection calls intended for other people. Some random indebted person once handed out one of my work phone numbers. That was fun getting constant debt collection calls for a random person at an office number equipped with no call blocking. Many stupid collection people won't stop calling even when you tell them that they have the wrong number (that's when you can actually get a live person on the line). What do they think they are going to accomplish? Either wear you down until you admit to being their target or until you offer to pay the stranger's debts?


I had to threaten to sue two collectors who kept calling my cell looking for some guy who was behind on his student loans. Kinda wish they kept calling.
 
2014-01-21 07:03:25 PM  
I usually just speak German at them.
 
2014-01-21 07:04:29 PM  
The best way to foil the telemarketers is to stay on the line as long as possible acting like an interested customer. If you pull pranks, cuss, or whatever, they'll hang up and move on to the next person. They depend on volume. Just like spam, they're looking for a tiny success rate. If everyone hangs up immediately, a single telemarketer could handle 100+ calls per hour. But if each person keep them on the line for 10 minutes, they only reach 6 people an hour and the business would cease to exist. They wouldn't make enough sales to keep the lights on.
 
2014-01-21 07:13:21 PM  
Since ditching my landline several years ago I can count the number of telemarketer calls I get in a year on my fingers.

Prior to that I remember coming home to 15 messages in a day on my answering machine and every one of them was a political robocall. It's what caused me to ditch the landline altogether and I never looked back.
 
2014-01-21 07:14:46 PM  

warrenn: The best way to foil the telemarketers is to stay on the line as long as possible acting like an interested customer. If you pull pranks, cuss, or whatever, they'll hang up and move on to the next person. They depend on volume. Just like spam, they're looking for a tiny success rate. If everyone hangs up immediately, a single telemarketer could handle 100+ calls per hour. But if each person keep them on the line for 10 minutes, they only reach 6 people an hour and the business would cease to exist. They wouldn't make enough sales to keep the lights on.


yes, but how do I do that without wasting my own time?

why can't I just have Siri talk to them...  or plug them into some other telemarketer and have them jerk each other off ?
 
2014-01-21 07:20:14 PM  

cookiefleck: A lot of people confuse "telemarketing" and collection calls. If you haven't paid your car note in 3 months, don't be surprised that people are calling you. I understand the calls are super annoying, but you're better off communicating with the collections company than waking up upset to not find your car.


For almost 2 years I was receiving collection calls for some woman I'd never heard of. I tried telling them I didn't know her, I tried hanging up, they still just kept calling every couple weeks all that time. If I knew how to contact whoever that was I'd tell them but as it was it just wasted both our time.
 
2014-01-21 07:26:34 PM  
Most telemarketers seem to have gone the way of the milkman around here, but we still keep getting those scammers from India/Pakistan trying to pretend there's a virus on the computer. I love farking with those guys.

Hold on, there's someone at the door (play most annoying music on YouTube)
Just a second, my cat is hungry
What's the website? www d-o-t...
Can you repeat that again?
Pretend that your phone line is breaking up, or that you have short term memory loss

They haven't been bothering me lately though, I think I made their 'Do Not Call' list
 
2014-01-21 07:34:01 PM  
When someone needs a phone number, I just give them the number I had growing up that we no longer have.  I feel sorry for whoever has that number now!
 
2014-01-21 07:42:49 PM  
Put phone down in front of computer. Play porn, loudly.
 
2014-01-21 07:49:17 PM  
fark these autoplay videos.
 
2014-01-21 07:54:03 PM  

Jument: If it's a live person I usually just say "not interested" and hang up. Sometimes I say "please take me off your call list and do not call this number again" but I doubt very much that they pay that any mind.


As one of the poor bastards that used to work in one, we were trained to be very mindful of taking people off of our list. That short, polite response is all you really need to get most callers off of  your back.
 
2014-01-21 08:05:07 PM  
Stopping robocalls is easy - just answer and push "1" and "0" for a while. The computers which make the calls aren't particularly smart; they think they've reached a fax line and take the number off their list.

/It is a huge amount of fun to verbally abuse those scumbags, though.
//Some have gotten so mad at me they call back immediately after I hang up on them, too.
///You could also record a modem as your outgoing message.
 
2014-01-21 08:14:27 PM  

Bunkyb123: I consider them my private playground. Speak gibberish until they hang up, make up crazy stuff as I go along. After a long difficult day at a job actually helping humanity it's nice to unwind by tweaking uninvited callers. I don't ask them to call me so they are fair game. I owe them nothing, least of all courtesy. It's all fun.


Ahh, this is a game I have never had the opportunity to play.
1. The cold-calling agents are unlikely to be multilingual, but they can probably understand "Francais?" or somesuch.
2. Google Translate has a text-to-speech option.
3. While being transferred to language-specific salesperson, change the output language to increasingly bizarre selections.

Don't just waste one person's time, make it a party!

dbaggins: yes, but how do I do that without wasting my own time?

If you don't feel like playing with them, the simplest compromise is to get them started on their pitch, and then throw the phone under a pillow. It's not going to waste a -lot- of their time, but it's mere seconds of your time.
 
2014-01-21 08:21:56 PM  

elchupacabra: I just suggest they should kill themselves.


userserve-ak.last.fm
 
2014-01-21 08:22:22 PM  
Here's an old-school hacker's way to eliminate tele marketers:

Surprisingly, despite all the high-tech gadgets nowadays, the computers running up-to-date OS's... the one thing telemarketer computers listen for when they dial: http://www.phworld.org/sounds/modern/ais/6085849900.mp3. The first three tones on this error message tells the computer that it's a bad number, so it'll hang up and blacklist the number completely. What I did requires the following:

- An older OS on a computer, or to a virtual shell. WinXP is a perfect OS for this, and can be run on the free Oracle VM VirtualBox
- TTS software. Plenty of free stuff out there, like Dspeech.
- Audio editing software. Again, free stuff like Audacity.
- a good TTS voice. There are free ones out there that sound good on WinXP, as long as you can understand it.

What you do:

1. Using your audio editor, cut out all but the three tones in the error message and save. The rest of the message isn't important, but you need the three tones.
2. Using your TTS software, create an audio message in a voice of your choosing that other people can hear and understand. Something like "We're sorry, no one is available at this number, please leave a message or call back later." Make sure you can easily understand it, or get a second person (in case you're hard of hearing). The telemarketers won't hear it, but your expected calls will. Save this audio message to a file your audio editor will love.
3. In your audio editor, open up the audio file containing your message, and copy the three-tone sound to the beginning of the greeting, maybe even leaving a space for authenticity (and possibly allow your expected callers to recoup from the sounds). Save this new file.
4. Either get your answering machine close to the speakers of your PC, or transfer this file to a portable player that has a good sound. Either way, go to set your greeting on the answering machine, and play the new sound so the machine can pick it up.

Voila! Now you have a message that telemarketers will hear and automatically hang up. The computers they use will automatically blacklist the number (ie similar to being on a "Do Not Call" list, only more definite), and your expected calls will not. Most likely cost to do this: $0 (unless you don't have Win XP, which might raise the price a bit).
 
2014-01-21 08:29:39 PM  
Hand the phone to a small child and tell them it's Santa.
 
2014-01-21 08:38:52 PM  

FuryOfFirestorm: I have a deadbeat cousin who ran up a cell phone bill and some credit cards, and then skipped out on them. Unfortunately, she used my home phone and address on the paperwork, and I would get phone calls at least once a day asking if she lived here. No matter how many times I would explain that the stupid b*tch never lived at my house, they'd still keep calling. I eventually was able to find her sorry ass and tell her to straighten her this sh*t out or I would report her to the cops for fraud (I kept a lot of evidence to make sure she doesn't pull that f*ckery again).


So the telemarketer's illegal and immoral actions worked? I wonder if they'll do it again, perhaps to one of us?
 
2014-01-21 08:43:04 PM  
Interrupt them and say "I'm not interested. Please don't ring again. Have a nice day" and then hang up. Takes 5seconds.
 
2014-01-21 08:46:31 PM  

shtychkn: "Tell me more," he says when the pitchman comes on the line. "Give me all the details." From that point on, the Texan's only goal is to keep the pitchman on the line as long as possible.

As a former telemarketer this is probably the worst thing you could do to them: waste their time.  Hanging up right away isn't a problem, it lets them move on to new leads (potential customers).  But wastign their time drives them up a wall mad.

Asked to give a credit card number, the Texas man gives a false one, then relaxes while the pitchman attempts to confirm it. When it cannot be confirmed, he transposes a few digits, re-submits it, and rests again while the pitchman struggles to confirm the second number. Eventually the Texan, when through toying with his victim, invites the telemarketer to call again the next day, so they can try again.

While this sounds like a good idea in the idea of keeping them wasting time longer AND getting their hopes up, it is technically committing a crime: fraud.  attempting to pass off a fake credit card number, for a real one IS a crime - even if it was in pursuit of annoying the telemarketer and had no actual desire to purchase said product.


Lord Satan give this person pestering me anal cancer.
 
2014-01-21 08:57:25 PM  

OniNeko: Jument: If it's a live person I usually just say "not interested" and hang up. Sometimes I say "please take me off your call list and do not call this number again" but I doubt very much that they pay that any mind.

As one of the poor bastards that used to work in one, we were trained to be very mindful of taking people off of our list. That short, polite response is all you really need to get most callers off of  your back.


You poor bastard.

Several months ago I happened to be home and got one of those calls that had a recorded spiel with a "press 0 to speak to a representative" option. I said "please take me off your call list and do not call this number again". The guy swore profusely at me and hung up. Sometimes I don't want to live on this planet anymore.
 
2014-01-21 09:02:39 PM  

strathmeyer: FuryOfFirestorm: I have a deadbeat cousin who ran up a cell phone bill and some credit cards, and then skipped out on them. Unfortunately, she used my home phone and address on the paperwork, and I would get phone calls at least once a day asking if she lived here. No matter how many times I would explain that the stupid b*tch never lived at my house, they'd still keep calling. I eventually was able to find her sorry ass and tell her to straighten her this sh*t out or I would report her to the cops for fraud (I kept a lot of evidence to make sure she doesn't pull that f*ckery again).

So the telemarketer's illegal and immoral actions worked? I wonder if they'll do it again, perhaps to one of us?


Um...what telemarketer? This was a bill collector. As for illegal? It was annoying, but not illegal. The phone calls stopped once she gave the companies her real contact info and started paying back what she owed. I'm betting she probably skipped out on the payments again, but at least no one is calling me every 30 minutes asking if she's at my house or telling me to pay her debts.
 
2014-01-21 09:34:42 PM  

Duck_of_Doom:

I hate the robocalls though.  You keep getting them, even if you're on the Do Not Call registry.  No way to backtrack as they use dummy phone numbers or it comes up as restricted.  And if you try to reach a person, they turn around and say pressing 1 gave permission for them to contact you.  The worst part is they don't always clear the phone line when you hang up.  Had that at work, where the line was tied up for 15 minutes after hanging up with them.  Strange.


Older phone systems do this. The connection is not broken until the originator hangs up. Scammers use this by calling people and saying they're the police, or the credit card company, and saying there has been a fraud and "to verify I am who I say I am hang up and call 911/the number on your card". They have dial tone recording and then have an operator who will 'answer' the call and then 'put you through' to the first person. Bingo. You not believe they are who they said they are because you called them.
 
2014-01-21 09:36:21 PM  
I have a few stock roles that I use:
1. The Elder (variations: The Confused Elder, The Hard-of-Hearing Elder, and The Lonely Elder)
2. The Drunk (variations: The Naughty Drunk, The Just-Divorced Drunk, and The Angry Drunk)
3. The Distracted Guy
4. The Racist (variations: The Redneck Racist, The Urbane Racist)
5. The Chatty Guy

Think of it as a civil service: Every minute that you keep one of them on the line is a minute they can't be bugging someone else.  And if everyone would do the same thing, telemarketing would instantly become so unprofitable that it would just go away.
 
2014-01-21 09:39:42 PM  
My boss is a CPA who works from home.  He was getting a lot of telemarketer calls during tax season, and finally one day, he'd had enough and went off on one of them, cursing and calling him names before slamming down the phone.

Later that evening, his phone rang.  Someone threatening to come and kill him and his wife.  Knew where he lived.  He got the police and phone company involved, caller called several more times and they busted him.

Yep, it was the telemarketer he was rude to.  Boss had to fly two states over to testify against the guy, who ended up doing jail time.

Boss does the "hang on a second while I grab my credit cards" then puts the phone done routine now.  Says he won't take a chance on p*ssing off another psycho.
 
2014-01-21 09:44:43 PM  
I turn 'em into gay porn calls. One time I got transferred to a gay telemarketer who matched my blowjob and raised me a dick up the ass, but other than the one time it usually works.
 
2014-01-21 10:07:38 PM  

OniNeko: As one of the poor bastards that used to work in one, we were trained to be very mindful of taking people off of our list. That short, polite response is all you really need to get most callers off of  your back.


I have heard that you actually have to say "put me on the do not call list" or they won't do it. You can't say, "Don't call me again" or "No thank you, don't call me." You have to actually ask for THE LIST.

Savarose: Says he won't take a chance on p*ssing off another psycho.


I am astounded that a psycho couldn't get a much better job. I wonder where his ex-girlfriends are buried?
 
2014-01-21 10:29:05 PM  
Late to the party but the "Anne, from Account Services" scammers openly declared war and put me on their shiatlist because I've been farking with them so hard.
 
2014-01-21 10:37:22 PM  

WayneKerr: fark these autoplay videos.


What videos? How do people still use the net without Adblock?
 
2014-01-21 10:48:15 PM  

verbaltoxin: I haven't had a land line phone since 2003. I am VERY superior to you.


Well I've NEVER had one. So there.
 
2014-01-21 11:12:51 PM  
Just set up your phone service under a false name, and tell your kids. Telemarketers don't like it when a six-year-old answers the phone, they ask for [false name], and the kid replies, "What are you selling?"
 
2014-01-21 11:16:29 PM  

jmr61: cryinoutloud: Sybarite: here's nothing illegal about telemarketing. There's a big telemarketing call center about a mile from where I'm sitting right now that's been there for a over a decade. Even if you have your name on the Do Not Call registry, it's perfectly legal for anyone you've done business with to contact you up to 18 months after your last purchase.

That's why nobody has my phone number. Not the credit card companies, not Amazon, especially not the student loan people, nobody. Send me an email. They have that already.

I normally don't fark with the callers because geez, I would hate to have to do that job. But the last guy who called me from my ISP when I was expecting a call about a job, didn't get the nice treatment. When I found out it was just this poor shlep on the line, and not even calling from the number I was used to ignoring, I snarled, "Do you have a do-not-call list?" He couldn't wait to get off the line. I've never heard from them again. Oh, they still send me tons of junk mail. You'd think at some point they'd give up, but no, they never do.

I hate my phone so much that it's not even turned on half the time. I'm not dealing with telemarketers.


I've gotten to the point where I fark with the junk mail people too. I let it lay around for a few days then take the info from one company and fold it up and send it back to a different company in their postage paid envelopes. Often it's the RNC or a republican congressional campaign group. Or some American family shiat show. Sometimes I'll put dirty napkins in or pennies. Anything to fark with them. And in the process I'm costing them money by sending them mail back on their pre-paid account.

A few years ago I donated $20 to the ACLU in my friend's name (he's VERY republican) and he's gotten phone calls and mail for at least 5 years as a result of my $20 donation. Even he admits it's one of the greatest pranks ever.

Good luck with yours :-)


So in your mind, republicans are opposed to civil liberties? That's really what you think?
 
2014-01-21 11:28:40 PM  

doglover: Diogenes: I'm somewhat amused about an article on how annoying telemarketers are that has an autoplay ad you can't stop.

There was no ad.


There was an autoplay ad for me. Time to stick No Script back in.
 
2014-01-21 11:32:46 PM  

LincolnLogolas: I usually just speak German at them.


Ja ich auch
 
2014-01-21 11:36:14 PM  
Wife's name is very close to a singer of a one-hit wonder disco song. Every time one of those "you have won a cruise" or "car warranty" people violates the Do Not Call list and calls us (once every few months), I interact as if they are trying to reach the guy who sings that song.  This includes singing the song (off key), thinking the guy was dead, asking if they can look up if that guy died, and, if that doesn't send them away, asking for that guy's phone number when they find it, since they are looking for him.

So far I'm usually hung up on. One guy went about 5 minutes and went "are you farking with me."
 
2014-01-21 11:36:40 PM  
Rindred:
I wish there was a voice-responsive version of the LIZA psychoanalyzer program.


Why do you think you feel that way?
 
2014-01-21 11:44:18 PM  

Pandora Spox: Rindred:
I wish there was a voice-responsive version of the LIZA psychoanalyzer program.

Why do you think you feel that way?


I'm not familiar with LIZA but it sounds like she might have studied under DR. SBAITSO
 
2014-01-22 12:04:18 AM  
As usual, Farkers they they are the smartest people in the room - and, as usual are stupid as dogs.
At the end of a telemarketing call, the caller can usually do one of three things. He can drop you from the database, ensuring that at least his firm won't call again. If you are really nice to them, and explain why it would not be possible for you to ever buy their firm's fine product, and if you make them like you and feel you as a little oasis in the day of human contempt and hatred they experience, they might even do it for you.
The second thing they can do is nothing, and just drop you back into rotation - and you will continue to get calls from their firm at the usual intervals. This is what  they usually do.
There is a third thing that most of them can do now - which is move you to a "hot prospect" list. This will ensure that you not only get more frequent and pushier calls from that firm, but also it's other divisions that sell other things will also get your number, as will commercial "partners" with whom they trade, buy, and sell information. they can easily quintuple the number of calls you are getting with the click of a mouse.
Subject them to any of your clever little "tricks", to abuse, to time wasting games - and guess which list your ever-so-clever ass is going on?
Moral - do not be an asshole. The world will find a way to punish you for it.
 
2014-01-22 12:23:59 AM  

jso2897: As usual, Farkers they they are the smartest people in the room - and, as usual are stupid as dogs.
At the end of a telemarketing call, the caller can usually do one of three things. He can drop you from the database, ensuring that at least his firm won't call again. If you are really nice to them, and explain why it would not be possible for you to ever buy their firm's fine product, and if you make them like you and feel you as a little oasis in the day of human contempt and hatred they experience, they might even do it for you.
The second thing they can do is nothing, and just drop you back into rotation - and you will continue to get calls from their firm at the usual intervals. This is what  they usually do.
There is a third thing that most of them can do now - which is move you to a "hot prospect" list. This will ensure that you not only get more frequent and pushier calls from that firm, but also it's other divisions that sell other things will also get your number, as will commercial "partners" with whom they trade, buy, and sell information. they can easily quintuple the number of calls you are getting with the click of a mouse.
Subject them to any of your clever little "tricks", to abuse, to time wasting games - and guess which list your ever-so-clever ass is going on?
Moral - do not be an asshole. The world will find a way to punish you for it.


No, it won't.
 
2014-01-22 12:30:22 AM  
This is stupid.

Nomorobo only works if your carrier allows simultaneous ringing.  All it takes is a bunch of call centers to grease the palms of some politicians to sneak in a clause the prevents ALL carries from allowing simultaneous ringing.

As of now, none of my phone providers work with Nomorobo
 
2014-01-22 12:34:26 AM  
Buy a SIP box.  Get an account with a real voip provider (not Vonage) like voip.ms.
You can then install filters to route calls from specific numbers to system recordings (number disconnected, not in service etc.)
You only get called from a specific number one time.  You can also use wildcard digits to avoid nearby numbers in a group.
 
2014-01-22 01:13:07 AM  

que.guero: <CSB>

Short version of my proudest moment, circa 2001.

Got a telemarketer selling "Cancer Insurance" which supposedly pays for all your treatment costs should you get the big C. Being an aspiring improviser, I let the guy make his pitch and gave MAJOR indicators of interest -- "How much is it?" "Is there a waiting period before it takes effect?" "How soon can I sign up?" The telemarketer was so overly stoked to have a live prospect that he blew through the rest of the pitch and went straight for the close "Would you be interested in signing up for this now?" "Totally, let's do this." I said, "So I can sign up for this right now and have it go into effect immediately?"

"Yes." The marketer said.

"Sweet!" I exclaimed. "It will save me a bundle!"

There was a dramatic pause and then the marketer asked, "Oh, have you ever had cancer?"

In my most hopeful tone possible. "Well, I *have* cancer but I am going to kick it's ass and by having you guys pay my treatment costs, my pancreas and I will get through this."

Another dramatic pause.

"I am so sorry sir, but you don't qualify."

Since he had already answered "yes" to my question of can i sign up for this right now, I continued to press him to sign me up -- "But you said I was eligible... You said I could sign up right now!"

After a few moments of my insisting that he be true to his word and let me sign up, I truly believe I could hear tears and he ended the call saying "I am so sorry to have wasted your time..."

Now THAT is how you destroy a telemarketer.

</CSB>


That's pretty farking evil.
 
2014-01-22 01:13:55 AM  

jso2897: As usual, Farkers they they are the smartest people in the room - and, as usual are stupid as dogs.
At the end of a telemarketing call, the caller can usually do one of three things. He can drop you from the database, ensuring that at least his firm won't call again. If you are really nice to them, and explain why it would not be possible for you to ever buy their firm's fine product, and if you make them like you and feel you as a little oasis in the day of human contempt and hatred they experience, they might even do it for you.
The second thing they can do is nothing, and just drop you back into rotation - and you will continue to get calls from their firm at the usual intervals. This is what  they usually do.
There is a third thing that most of them can do now - which is move you to a "hot prospect" list. This will ensure that you not only get more frequent and pushier calls from that firm, but also it's other divisions that sell other things will also get your number, as will commercial "partners" with whom they trade, buy, and sell information. they can easily quintuple the number of calls you are getting with the click of a mouse.
Subject them to any of your clever little "tricks", to abuse, to time wasting games - and guess which list your ever-so-clever ass is going on?
Moral - do not be an asshole. The world will find a way to punish you for it.


images.sodahead.com
I'm sure you believe that being nice to telemarketers will somehow get you off the list, but that is simply not the case. Treat them as you would Nazi conscripts. I'm sure few people dream of working such a job, and wish they were doing something else, but remember they are human beings. Why would they put someone who OBVIOUSLY wastes their time on the "call again" list? Do they have a pointy haired boss that thinks that more time= "just THAT close to a sale, we just need to figure out how to close the deal." You don't have to be abusive to them, just make yourself not worth their time. Remember, their business model is based on the same thinking that a guy in a bar asking every woman "wanna fark?" knowing that if you ask enough people, SOMEBODY will say yes, and so they need to focus on call volume. You won't be put on the supposed hot prospect list for wasting their time by every metric.
 
2014-01-22 01:14:19 AM  
The only phone I answer is my cell phone.  I have a land-line, but I don't take incoming calls on it, and the ringer on the phone is turned off, no answering machine is connected, calling it does nothing.  It doesn't really serve a purpose, I just haven't gotten rid of it.  It's on the same bill as my TV and internet bill, all tied in together.

On my cell phone, I can't remember the last time I got a marketing call with an actual human.  From time to time I get a robo-call.  I just set the phone down and let their computer waste it's time.

Diogenes: I'm somewhat amused about an article on how annoying telemarketers are that has an autoplay ad you can't stop.


I'm amused that you haven't learned how to use your computer.
 
2014-01-22 01:21:41 AM  

OniNeko: As one of the poor bastards that used to work in one, we were trained to be very mindful of taking people off of our list. That short, polite response is all you really need to get most callers off of your back.


You're a farking liar.

If telemarketers would actually take people off their list when they were asked, this crap wouldn't still be going on.

You try to make it sound like it was your tough luck to be the asshole that everyone tells "Fark off, asshole", but you are took the job, you called them, and you won't stop just because they ask you to.

You're lying when you say that you would take them off the list.  Telemarketers simply don't give a rats ass.

Today, the only phone I use is a cell phone, and I still get robo-calls to that phone.  That's illegal, right off the bat.  Those companies are breaking the law, and they know it.  Asking them to "put me on your do not call list, please" is not going to help, because they are farking assholes who don't give a damn about the law.  So go fark yourself with the "just ask politely, that's all you need" crap.

There is no reason to be polite to a telemarketer.  They are not polite, they are not honest, they already know they are breaking the law.  Either waste their time, or call them a cocksucker and hang up the phone.  Being nice to them just makes their job easier.
 
Displayed 50 of 211 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is archived, and closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
On Twitter






In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report