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(ABC)   Here's something everyone can get behind: Best ways to harass annoying telemarketers that harass you   (abcnews.go.com) divider line 212
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17828 clicks; posted to Main » on 21 Jan 2014 at 3:55 PM (31 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-01-21 04:23:48 PM

wildcardjack: Consuela treatment.


Oh, I like this one.
 
2014-01-21 04:25:13 PM

orbister: Sybarite: I always try to take some time out of my day to worsen the lives of people in shiatty, low-paying jobs.

Have you tried blowing a whistle down the phone at them?


Portable boat air horns are better.
 
2014-01-21 04:25:26 PM
My late brothers message went like this.

Hello, If you are trying to sell something HANG. UP. NOW!

To anyone else,
If you leave your name, a coherent message and telephone number
We will contact you as soon as we can.
 
2014-01-21 04:26:45 PM

cookiefleck: A lot of people confuse "telemarketing" and collection calls. If you haven't paid your car note in 3 months, don't be surprised that people are calling you. I understand the calls are super annoying, but you're better off communicating with the collections company than waking up upset to not find your car.


I had a collection agency calling for months looking for the guy who used to have my cell number. I was polite the first couple of times and explained their error, but they didn't believe me. After that I just had fun with them: promising payments, asking them to send documents, telling them to go fark their mothers, demanding to speak with supervisors, etc. At some point I authorized them to do a credit check at which point they called to confirm my "new" address and place of employment. It was during that phone call that it dawned on them that:

1. People living in Fort McMurray, Alberta for over a year generally don't have 519 area codes.
2. I'd been jerking them around for several months.
 
2014-01-21 04:28:10 PM

cookiefleck: A lot of people confuse "telemarketing" and collection calls. If you haven't paid your car note in 3 months, don't be surprised that people are calling you. I understand the calls are super annoying, but you're better off communicating with the collections company than waking up upset to not find your car.


Yay, I love getting collection calls intended for other people. Some random indebted person once handed out one of my work phone numbers. That was fun getting constant debt collection calls for a random person at an office number equipped with no call blocking. Many stupid collection people won't stop calling even when you tell them that they have the wrong number (that's when you can actually get a live person on the line). What do they think they are going to accomplish? Either wear you down until you admit to being their target or until you offer to pay the stranger's debts?
 
2014-01-21 04:28:11 PM

Pangea: Sybarite: In a later column, Lazarus, who calls this strategy a "reverse scam," invited readers to submit more strategies for making the lives of telemarketers a living hell.

I always try to take some time out of my day to worsen the lives of people in shiatty, low-paying jobs.


I play a game where I say "let me get a pen," set down the phone, and see how long they'll stay on the line.

The rule is that I am not allowed to check back and say "hang on."

It usually peaks out around 2 minutes, but I got 7 minutes out of a guy once.

I actually haven't played the game in about a year because they all seemed to have stopped calling.

/ fark those guys.
// Seriously. fark 'em


Since this was the least amount of energy I could be expected to expend while high on my couch, I used the same tactic.

What suprised me must were the number of telemarketers that had to ask a supervisor if they could hang up.

Sup: how long has he been looking for a pen

Caller: about 5 minutes

Sup: give him three more and you have my permission to terminate the call.

If that didn't spur the caller from sorting out whatever excuses they have for being in that line of work I hold out no hope for them.

/got a bag and a bong
//I can look for a pen all day if I have to
 
2014-01-21 04:28:17 PM
I get those stupid car warranty calls on my work cell maybe once a week. Never get any calls on my personal cell.
 
2014-01-21 04:30:23 PM
I can barely be bothered to answer a phone call on my mobile computer, why would I do so for a number that doesn't display the name of one of the people I know enough that they're loaded into it?
 
2014-01-21 04:32:56 PM
Skyd1v: I can't remember the last time I received a call from a telemarketer, but the damn political "polls" (always at dinner time.  WTF?) are enough to drive a person mad.

They always seem to be negative calls, and I think it's intentional to tie your anger to the candidate.

I had a cop wake me up at 4 in the morning because they found a homeless person in a car I sold 5 years earlier that was never registered after the title was transferred.

When I said I wouldn't press charges...
     Cop: "This guy is gonna go free and be walking the streets tonight if you don't!"
     Me: "He was just sleeping in the car right? I haven't had that car in years and I have no problem with him."
     Cop: ...

Just because I'm inconvenienced doesn't mean I'm confused about who to dislike.
 
2014-01-21 04:34:30 PM
"Tell me more," he says when the pitchman comes on the line. "Give me all the details." From that point on, the Texan's only goal is to keep the pitchman on the line as long as possible.

As a former telemarketer this is probably the worst thing you could do to them: waste their time.  Hanging up right away isn't a problem, it lets them move on to new leads (potential customers).  But wastign their time drives them up a wall mad.

Asked to give a credit card number, the Texas man gives a false one, then relaxes while the pitchman attempts to confirm it. When it cannot be confirmed, he transposes a few digits, re-submits it, and rests again while the pitchman struggles to confirm the second number. Eventually the Texan, when through toying with his victim, invites the telemarketer to call again the next day, so they can try again.

While this sounds like a good idea in the idea of keeping them wasting time longer AND getting their hopes up, it is technically committing a crime: fraud.  attempting to pass off a fake credit card number, for a real one IS a crime - even if it was in pursuit of annoying the telemarketer and had no actual desire to purchase said product.
 
2014-01-21 04:36:24 PM

Sybarite: In a later column, Lazarus, who calls this strategy a "reverse scam," invited readers to submit more strategies for making the lives of telemarketers a living hell.

I always try to take some time out of my day to worsen the lives of people in shiatty, low-paying jobs.


Except for those good telemarketers that are making $50K to $150K a year or more.
 
2014-01-21 04:37:06 PM

IamTomJoad: Sup: how long has he been looking for a pen

Caller: about 5 minutes

Sup: give him three more and you have my permission to terminate the call.


I never heard anything like this. That is hilarious.

Coming from a company where the phone staff was customer support, they were timed on how quickly they got through the calls, not how long they sat there waiting.
 
2014-01-21 04:37:16 PM
I usually just start fapping off loudly, to bad loud german pron, while begging my dog to lick my sack harder. That usually works.
 
2014-01-21 04:37:54 PM

cookiefleck: A lot of people confuse "telemarketing" and collection calls. If you haven't paid your car note in 3 months, don't be surprised that people are calling you. I understand the calls are super annoying, but you're better off communicating with the collections company than waking up upset to not find your car.


Unfortunately, there's a lot of unscrupulous collectors out there as well. Some will hound you over an already paid or expired debt, some will threaten and harass you, and others constantly call you at work. Some will call your friends, neighbors and family pretending to be a close friend or the government in order to get your number and address (which is illegal, especially if they disclose your financial status), and a few have even posed as cops and come to your house threatening to arrest you. (Also so, so very illegal)
 
2014-01-21 04:38:33 PM
I love telemarketing calls, in as much I love stabbing my hand with a fork during a meeting in order to stay awake. I have performed the
farting method, the 'Hold on while I get XXX' method. They all work when used judiciously

/My next tele-call I will be getting a sloppy blowjob. See how they'll like that!
 
2014-01-21 04:40:56 PM

Pangea: Skyd1v: I can't remember the last time I received a call from a telemarketer, but the damn political "polls" (always at dinner time.  WTF?) are enough to drive a person mad.

They always seem to be negative calls, and I think it's intentional to tie your anger to the candidate.

I had a cop wake me up at 4 in the morning because they found a homeless person in a car I sold 5 years earlier that was never registered after the title was transferred.

When I said I wouldn't press charges...
     Cop: "This guy is gonna go free and be walking the streets tonight if you don't!"
     Me: "He was just sleeping in the car right? I haven't had that car in years and I have no problem with him."
     Cop: ...

Just because I'm inconvenienced doesn't mean I'm confused about who to dislike.


Sounds like you need to have that care taken away by a junk yard before it gets you into legal trouble.  Sure, you could argue in court that you sold it.  But you still have to go through all the trouble to argue in court of the car is ever part of a crime or somehow earns parking tickets or other fines.
 
2014-01-21 04:41:06 PM
I enjoy all my robocalls in Spanish thanks to having a MetroPCS number...
 
2014-01-21 04:41:27 PM
I wish there was a voice-responsive version of the LIZA psychoanalyzer program.
 
2014-01-21 04:41:56 PM

ArcadianRefugee: Lambert


ArcadianRefugee: Lamberts Ho Man: Does Nomorobo work for political robocalls?  If so, I'll be signing up before the 2016 elections.

It should. The way it's described, it asks for input; since most political cold-calls are completely robo, it should serve the same function.


Understand that it should WRT the technology.  Just wondering if the politicians have written themselves a law to make it illegal to block their calls in this manner.  It's really damn obnoxious when they record their spiel into your answering machine - erasing them got to be a nightly ritual during 2012, and if I was gone for a weekend they'd fill it up.  Swing state FTW.

Now, I suppose this will all fail when some robo-call company has their machines listen for and give whatever information is being asked for. I mean, if my CC company can understand when I say "5 3 1 9" then so can a robo-marketer.

Yea, I'm surprised they aren't doing this already.
 
2014-01-21 04:42:22 PM
My dad once answered a telemarking call from a credit card company, and they asked for my mom. His response was, "Excuse me, who is this again? That woman BETTER NOT have ANOTHER credit card I swear!!!" and the agent apologized and hung up.

Another time, my then 7 year old brother was on the phone for 10 minutes. Finally, my parents went over to the phone, and they hear my brother say "How old do you have to be to vote?"

Good times.
 
2014-01-21 04:42:48 PM

Tyrosine: cookiefleck: A lot of people confuse "telemarketing" and collection calls. If you haven't paid your car note in 3 months, don't be surprised that people are calling you. I understand the calls are super annoying, but you're better off communicating with the collections company than waking up upset to not find your car.

I had a collection agency calling for months looking for the guy who used to have my cell number. I was polite the first couple of times and explained their error, but they didn't believe me. After that I just had fun with them: promising payments, asking them to send documents, telling them to go fark their mothers, demanding to speak with supervisors, etc. At some point I authorized them to do a credit check at which point they called to confirm my "new" address and place of employment. It was during that phone call that it dawned on them that:

1. People living in Fort McMurray, Alberta for over a year generally don't have 519 area codes.
2. I'd been jerking them around for several months.


Yeah you can gogole a phone number if its "odd" to you, and turns out there are pages upon pages on different sites reporting some of these calls.  Telemarketers, shady to downright illiegal collection efforts, spoofed phone numbers.  Its all a bunch of shiat!


Hey, do you know Jeff?  I'm in Kentuck, but he's the guy in Ft Mac I know.
 
2014-01-21 04:44:07 PM

stpauler: A man in Glendale, Calif., submitted his strategy, which involves telling a pitchmen that he needs to get a pen and paper, then disappears for a bit. When he returns, he says he needs to get his wallet from the other room. Gosh, he says when he returns, that darn wallet must be in the car. Can you hold on a minute while I get it? And so on. He says with pride that while he's never gotten to the 30-minute mark with a telemarketer, he's often broken 20.

I'm not a busy person, in fact, last night I re-watched 3 reruns of the Big Bang Theory non-stop because I was too lazy to find a movie to watch. But Christ, Glendale, get a life.


No you get a life.
 
2014-01-21 04:45:06 PM

Sybarite: In a later column, Lazarus, who calls this strategy a "reverse scam," invited readers to submit more strategies for making the lives of telemarketers a living hell.

I always try to take some time out of my day to worsen the lives of people in shiatty, low-paying jobs.


Exactly. I'm not ashamed to admit that as a kid, I worked one of these jobs simply because I was a kid with no experience to offer anyone else. They were hiring and no other place was and I really had no other choice for employment where I lived. That said, it was the worst job I ever had bar none. These people hiring you all lie to you about what they offer (benefits, commissions, etc) are the cheapest SOBs ever (had to use paper scripts and fugging rotary phones, which are hell on your neck and eyes) and string you along with promises and lies as long as possible, hoping you don't catch on and quit. Unsurprisingly, about 2 months after I quit, the operation was gone... Possibly went under or maybe just moving to avoid paying off its debts or fraud.

The people (if they even use people anymore) calling you hate what they do, but don't have any other options for work. It's soul-crushing to daily go to a job where you are expected to call someone's mother or grandmother and try to sell them something you know no one needs. It's even worse when you realize that old-sounding, possilby senile lady on the other end of the line is naive or gullible and eagerly wants the piece of junk you're selling, and you internally scream when your supervisor has stumbled onto your call and realizes this and rushes over to push you to push more and more crap on that person.

My conscience could only take about a month and a half of it and I quit. Only job I ever quit and the only "failure" I've had I'll be proud to admit to.
 
2014-01-21 04:45:23 PM
i34.tinypic.com
 
2014-01-21 04:46:54 PM

shtychkn: "Tell me more," he says when the pitchman comes on the line. "Give me all the details." From that point on, the Texan's only goal is to keep the pitchman on the line as long as possible.

As a former telemarketer this is probably the worst thing you could do to them: waste their time.  Hanging up right away isn't a problem, it lets them move on to new leads (potential customers).  But wastign their time drives them up a wall mad.


Yep.  That's the intent, Shtychkn.  It's not nice, and certainly not a productive use of my time, but it is entertaining.
 
2014-01-21 04:47:31 PM

Glendale: stpauler: A man in Glendale, Calif., submitted his strategy, which involves telling a pitchmen that he needs to get a pen and paper, then disappears for a bit. When he returns, he says he needs to get his wallet from the other room. Gosh, he says when he returns, that darn wallet must be in the car. Can you hold on a minute while I get it? And so on. He says with pride that while he's never gotten to the 30-minute mark with a telemarketer, he's often broken 20.

I'm not a busy person, in fact, last night I re-watched 3 reruns of the Big Bang Theory non-stop because I was too lazy to find a movie to watch. But Christ, Glendale, get a life.

No you get a life.


I chortled.
 
2014-01-21 04:48:08 PM

Sybarite: In a later column, Lazarus, who calls this strategy a "reverse scam," invited readers to submit more strategies for making the lives of telemarketers a living hell.

I always try to take some time out of my day to worsen the lives of people in shiatty, low-paying jobs.


So you're a telemarketer?
 
2014-01-21 04:49:26 PM

elysive: cookiefleck: A lot of people confuse "telemarketing" and collection calls. If you haven't paid your car note in 3 months, don't be surprised that people are calling you. I understand the calls are super annoying, but you're better off communicating with the collections company than waking up upset to not find your car.

Yay, I love getting collection calls intended for other people. Some random indebted person once handed out one of my work phone numbers. That was fun getting constant debt collection calls for a random person at an office number equipped with no call blocking. Many stupid collection people won't stop calling even when you tell them that they have the wrong number (that's when you can actually get a live person on the line). What do they think they are going to accomplish? Either wear you down until you admit to being their target or until you offer to pay the stranger's debts?


I have a deadbeat cousin who ran up a cell phone bill and some credit cards, and then skipped out on them. Unfortunately, she used my home phone and address on the paperwork, and I would get phone calls at least once a day asking if she lived here. No matter how many times I would explain that the stupid b*tch never lived at my house, they'd still keep calling. I eventually was able to find her sorry ass and tell her to straighten her this sh*t out or I would report her to the cops for fraud (I kept a lot of evidence to make sure she doesn't pull that f*ckery again).
 
2014-01-21 04:49:43 PM
I got one of those "we detected a virus on your computer" calls when I was bored one day. I kept the guy on the phone for almost 45 minutes by pretending to be very concerned about the "virus", and following his instructions as best I could on an imaginary Linux system that "I'm not really good at". I told him it was Windows, but I gave enough clues that anyone who knows computers should have figured it out.

/"Well, I don't see a Start button but I do have something that says Applications. Is that right?"
//Just laying back on the couch drinking a beer and trying not to laugh about how frustrated he was getting
 
2014-01-21 04:50:43 PM
I just use Mr. Number and have it set to pick up and hang up the call...my phone doesn't even ring and the telemarketer doesn't get to leave a VM.  For the odd call that doesn't get flagged as spam and makes it through to my VM, I simply add them to Mr. Number.

On a semi-related topic, I used to get "meet local singles" date service snail mail seemingly daily.  I finally called and spoke to a rep and told her I was VERY interested in their service, but my wife wasn't.

/Got me removed from that mailing list
//CSB
///Mr. Number!
 
2014-01-21 04:51:48 PM
I consider them my private playground. Speak gibberish until they hang up, make up crazy stuff as I go along. After a long difficult day at a job actually helping humanity it's nice to unwind by tweaking uninvited callers. I don't ask them to call me so they are fair game. I owe them nothing, least of all courtesy. It's all fun.
 
2014-01-21 04:51:52 PM

Terrible Old Man: Exactly. I'm not ashamed to admit that as a kid, I worked one of these jobs simply because I was a kid with no experience to offer anyone else. They were hiring and no other place was and I really had no other choice for employment where I lived. That said, it was the worst job I ever had bar none. These people hiring you all lie to you about what they offer (benefits, commissions, etc) are the cheapest SOBs ever (had to use paper scripts and fugging rotary phones, which are hell on your neck and eyes) and string you along with promises and lies as long as possible, hoping you don't catch on and quit. Unsurprisingly, about 2 months after I quit, the operation was gone... Possibly went under or maybe just moving to avoid paying off its debts or fraud.

The people (if they even use people anymore) calling you hate what they do, but don't have any other options for work. It's soul-crushing to daily go to a job where you are expected to call someone's mother or grandmother and try to sell them something you know no one needs. It's even worse when you realize that old-sounding, possilby senile lady on the other end of the line is naive or gullible and eagerly wants the piece of junk you're selling, and you internally scream when your supervisor has stumbled onto your call and realizes this and rushes over to push you to push more and more crap on that person.


So... we should be nice to the poor guy just trying to sell lots of useless crap to naive, gullible old ladies?
 
2014-01-21 04:52:25 PM
I haven't had a land line phone since 2003. I am VERY superior to you.
 
2014-01-21 04:53:28 PM

Necronic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmKtS-k12b0">http://www.youtube.com/wa tch?v=ZmKtS-k12b0

The only way to deal with Telemarketers


That is funny!
 
2014-01-21 04:53:44 PM

thismomentinblackhistory: Or just hang up and live your life.


Nonono - don't hang up - just put the phone down and get on with living your life.  They are trained to talk in a continuous stream to prevent you from politely ending the call, so it will take them a minute or more to realise you are no longer there.

This wastes their resources as a company and affects the stats of the caller as an individual.  If everyone did this, it would not be financially viable to cold call.
 
2014-01-21 04:53:55 PM

Diogenes: Sybarite: In a later column, Lazarus, who calls this strategy a "reverse scam," invited readers to submit more strategies for making the lives of telemarketers a living hell.

I always try to take some time out of my day to worsen the lives of people in shiatty, low-paying jobs.

Sympathy for the devil?

The practice is illegal.  And most of them are scams intended to rip people off and/or are staffed by cons.  I have no sympathy whatsoever.  If someone is trying to mug me, is it impolite to tell them to get bent?  Should I be more enlightened and understanding of their predicament and instead open my wallet to them?


I was a collector and telemarketer in my late teens.  I can tell you the best way to stop the calls is to curse, violently, at them.  You get labeled in the database as combative and are taken out of the call database.  If you are lucky you'll get one of them to call you back or call and hang up a bunch of times.  Then you can go after the company they are with....they usually settle for between $5000 and $15,000

http://www.killthecalls.com/suing-telemarketers.php
 
2014-01-21 04:54:10 PM

shtychkn: "Tell me more," he says when the pitchman comes on the line. "Give me all the details." From that point on, the Texan's only goal is to keep the pitchman on the line as long as possible.

As a former telemarketer this is probably the worst thing you could do to them: waste their time.  Hanging up right away isn't a problem, it lets them move on to new leads (potential customers).  But wastign their time drives them up a wall mad.


I call bullshiat. A river of bullshiat. As a former telemarketer myself, I didn't give a shiat about that at all. It wasn't my time you are wasting, it was company time. At most, you're giving me entertainment once I start to suspect you're lying, at the very least, hey, THANKS FOR BREAKING UP THE MONOTONY I'M SUFFERING ALL DAY BY GOING PAST THE INTRODUCTION!

If you say no thank you, hang up, great. No problem, next number. If not, great, now I get to read something different from the 47 calls I just had say no. The caller doesn't give a shiat anymore than the guy taking orders at McD's cares that you decide you want a number 3 rather than a number 1. At the very least, you've given them something different to do in an 8 hour day.

It isn't like the caller owns the company and every "yes" is money in his pocket, he's just a drone who gets paid by the hour, and doesn't give a shiat how those hours are spent. Obviously.
 
2014-01-21 04:55:38 PM
My work cell gets a lot of spam calls, but I just ignore any calls from blocked numbers. If it was work related, you can leave a message.

Beyond that, I rarely get any calls on my personal cell. No landline anymore.

Since I've dropped landline, I usually just say "no thanks" when someone asks my phone number. Most businesses don't need it. Sorry, oil change place, call someone else.
 
2014-01-21 04:56:28 PM

Diogenes: I'm somewhat amused about an article on how annoying telemarketers are that has an autoplay ad you can't stop.


There was no ad.
 
2014-01-21 04:56:46 PM

ArcadianRefugee: Now, I suppose this will all fail when some robo-call company has their machines listen for and give whatever information is being asked for. I mean, if my CC company can understand when I say "5 3 1 9" then so can a robo-marketer.


Voice recognition systems have gotten better but I prefer actually punching in the numbers.  It's faster and there's less chance of a mistake (unless I miskey a number).

If I have to speak it, I have to get all enunciatey  (FIVVVVE  THREEEEEE WONNN NINNNE).  And just let me punch 1 for yes and 2 for no so I don't have to say YESSSSSS or NOOOOOO.

And there's one bill I like to pay by phone, but if I make the slightest noise by setting the phone on my desk or picking up a piece of paper the voice says "I'm sorry, I did not get that."  Fark you, you're not supposed to "get that".  I'm waiting for the goddammed prompt.
 
2014-01-21 04:57:21 PM

Cheesehead_Dave: I frequently got calls on my cellphone from random cities across the US, all from the same "Credit Card Services" company. While the caller ID made it easy to tell, it was still annoying to feel my phone vibrating and have to check to see if it was actually a human.

Then I added this to the start of my outgoing message. After a couple of weeks, the robocalls dropped to almost zero.


SIT tones don't really work any more. I have an Asterisk system answering my phone, and when blacklisted numbers call, they just get the tones and a "Your call has been rejected" message. That doesn't stop the bastards, but at least my phone doesn't ring for them.

I've gone as far as blacklisting entire prefixes (I'm looking at you, CallerID4U and Pacific Telecom Communications Group) when they're obviously spammer havens.

I think my next step will be to set up a function code that I can key in when a spammer calls, that will send them to a milliwatt tone (1004 Hz at 0 dBm, which is ear-splittingly loud).

~~~~~ wavy lines ~~~~~
Robodialer: Hello, this is Rachel from Cardholder Services. Press 1 to lower your interest rates!

Me: (presses 1)

Scammer: yada yada yada yada

Me: (presses #36, aka Pound-F-O)

Scammer hears: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[Hopefully, scammer is wearing a headset.]

Asterisk: adds number to blacklist
~~~~~ wavy lines ~~~~~
 
2014-01-21 04:57:43 PM
It's not so much the telemarketers I've been having problems with lately. It's the debt collectors who are trying to get in touch with the deadbeats that had my phone number previously. Most of them are pretty good about not calling back when you inform them that the people they're trying to reach are no longer at this phone numbers, but there are a few that can't just get that through their thick heads.

The person/people they're looking for all have the same last name, so I don't know if it's one person using multiple first names, or a good-sized family of deadbeats.
 
2014-01-21 04:57:58 PM
Tom Mabe has been all over this for years

http://youtu.be/mkdoogjic4I
 
2014-01-21 04:59:02 PM

IamTomJoad: Pangea: Sybarite: In a later column, Lazarus, who calls this strategy a "reverse scam," invited readers to submit more strategies for making the lives of telemarketers a living hell.

I always try to take some time out of my day to worsen the lives of people in shiatty, low-paying jobs.


I play a game where I say "let me get a pen," set down the phone, and see how long they'll stay on the line.

The rule is that I am not allowed to check back and say "hang on."

It usually peaks out around 2 minutes, but I got 7 minutes out of a guy once.

I actually haven't played the game in about a year because they all seemed to have stopped calling.

/ fark those guys.
// Seriously. fark 'em

Since this was the least amount of energy I could be expected to expend while high on my couch, I used the same tactic.

What suprised me must were the number of telemarketers that had to ask a supervisor if they could hang up.

Sup: how long has he been looking for a pen

Caller: about 5 minutes

Sup: give him three more and you have my permission to terminate the call.

If that didn't spur the caller from sorting out whatever excuses they have for being in that line of work I hold out no hope for them.

/got a bag and a bong
//I can look for a pen all day if I have to


Th

Terrible Old Man: shtychkn: "Tell me more," he says when the pitchman comes on the line. "Give me all the details." From that point on, the Texan's only goal is to keep the pitchman on the line as long as possible.

As a former telemarketer this is probably the worst thing you could do to them: waste their time.  Hanging up right away isn't a problem, it lets them move on to new leads (potential customers).  But wastign their time drives them up a wall mad.

I call bullshiat. A river of bullshiat. As a former telemarketer myself, I didn't give a shiat about that at all. It wasn't my time you are wasting, it was company time. At most, you're giving me entertainment once I start to suspect you're lying, at the very least, hey, THANKS FOR BREAKING UP THE MONOTONY I'M SUFFERING ALL DAY BY GOING PAST THE INTRODUCTION!

If you say no thank you, hang up, great. No problem, next number. If not, great, now I get to read something different from the 47 calls I just had say no. The caller doesn't give a shiat anymore than the guy taking orders at McD's cares that you decide you want a number 3 rather than a number 1. At the very least, you've given them something different to do in an 8 hour day.

It isn't like the caller owns the company and every "yes" is money in his pocket, he's just a drone who gets paid by the hour, and doesn't give a shiat how those hours are spent. Obviously.


Not to mention, when I did it we had mgmt looking at our metrics.  Want to know a good way to increase your average call time?  Keep a list of "time waster" numbers.  Call them when you need your call time metric to jump a bit.
 
2014-01-21 04:59:41 PM

Sybarite: In a later column, Lazarus, who calls this strategy a "reverse scam," invited readers to submit more strategies for making the lives of telemarketers a living hell.

I always try to take some time out of my day to worsen the lives of people in shiatty, low-paying jobs.



Sorry, they are breaking the law and making money by bothering people for a living.

They are dirt bags and any sport you manage to have at their expense is 100% justified.
 
2014-01-21 04:59:53 PM
http://www.fark.com/comments/8109438/88841428#c88841428" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Necronic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZmKtS-k12b0">http://www.youtube.com/ wa tch?v=ZmKtS-k12b0

The only way to deal with Telemarketers

That is funny!


Thanks, I first heard that a couple years ago, it's been awhile. An inspiring internet classic.
 
2014-01-21 05:02:00 PM

FuryOfFirestorm: elysive: cookiefleck: A lot of people confuse "telemarketing" and collection calls. If you haven't paid your car note in 3 months, don't be surprised that people are calling you. I understand the calls are super annoying, but you're better off communicating with the collections company than waking up upset to not find your car.

Yay, I love getting collection calls intended for other people. Some random indebted person once handed out one of my work phone numbers. That was fun getting constant debt collection calls for a random person at an office number equipped with no call blocking. Many stupid collection people won't stop calling even when you tell them that they have the wrong number (that's when you can actually get a live person on the line). What do they think they are going to accomplish? Either wear you down until you admit to being their target or until you offer to pay the stranger's debts?

I have a deadbeat cousin who ran up a cell phone bill and some credit cards, and then skipped out on them. Unfortunately, she used my home phone and address on the paperwork, and I would get phone calls at least once a day asking if she lived here. No matter how many times I would explain that the stupid b*tch never lived at my house, they'd still keep calling. I eventually was able to find her sorry ass and tell her to straighten her this sh*t out or I would report her to the cops for fraud (I kept a lot of evidence to make sure she doesn't pull that f*ckery again).


That happens quite a bit. Don't even trust kids or even grandkids. I would get calls from elderly people asking why we were calling them. I can look at contracts and saw that the grandkids put grandma's phone number and address on the loan contract. But yeah, I'd get the gamut from that to former co-workers wondering how we got their numbers.
 
2014-01-21 05:02:34 PM
I don't get any telemarketer calls. I pay under $4 a month for my phone bill (actually, just taxes) and get great quality. I highly suggest the Ooma Telo if you're considering a VoIP device. It beats the living hell out of the competition.
 
2014-01-21 05:02:54 PM

Pangea: Sybarite: In a later column, Lazarus, who calls this strategy a "reverse scam," invited readers to submit more strategies for making the lives of telemarketers a living hell.

I always try to take some time out of my day to worsen the lives of people in shiatty, low-paying jobs.


I play a game where I say "let me get a pen," set down the phone, and see how long they'll stay on the line.

The rule is that I am not allowed to check back and say "hang on."

It usually peaks out around 2 minutes, but I got 7 minutes out of a guy once.

I actually haven't played the game in about a year because they all seemed to have stopped calling.

/ fark those guys.
// Seriously. fark 'em



I usually go with "My wife handles this kind of stuff, let me go get her.".  You might find that extends their hang time.
 
2014-01-21 05:02:55 PM
I love messing with telemarketers.  If they call at work, I let them start their pitch.  When they break for a second, I go full into "information on our services" pitch. I actually got into a battle with one.  "Are you interested in Charter or not?" "Well, are you interested, I can register you over the phone right now?"  At home though, that's more fun.  A few years ago I got a call for a video club.  I asked if they had any decent midget porn.  Then the time Time-Life called, bringing up that I had bought the Treasure of Christmas (this was years ago, mind), I told them I was a Satanist, the telemarketer said "you're a WHAT?!" and hung up.

I hate the robocalls though.  You keep getting them, even if you're on the Do Not Call registry.  No way to backtrack as they use dummy phone numbers or it comes up as restricted.  And if you try to reach a person, they turn around and say pressing 1 gave permission for them to contact you.  The worst part is they don't always clear the phone line when you hang up.  Had that at work, where the line was tied up for 15 minutes after hanging up with them.  Strange.
 
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