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(MLive.com)   Nurses have to deal with every jerkoff patient that shows up on their ward   (mlive.com) divider line 28
    More: Dumbass, Washtenaw County, nurses, Security Service, hospitals  
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13962 clicks; posted to Main » on 18 Jan 2014 at 11:42 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Funniest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-01-18 11:50:19 PM  
8 votes:
Should have called the head nurse.
2014-01-19 02:06:30 AM  
4 votes:

haolegirl: x23: haolegirl: LMAO, just now was shopping at a Bath n Bodyworks and ran into a lady who looked familiar. Turns out it was her dog who spent the entire exam licking my boob (thru my shirt!).

wat.

at least half the story is missing.

Sorry, I work at a pet clinic. Just had a 12 week old lab humping my arm last week...happens a lot!


I'll be in my crate ...
2014-01-19 08:20:50 AM  
3 votes:
At the hospital I used to work at some drunk 20-something started beating off and spouting vulgarities when a nurse entered the room.
The vagrant in the bed next to him got up and spilled his coffee on the guys junk.
1st degree burns on the ol' boys, 3rd degree poetic justice.
2014-01-19 07:35:06 AM  
3 votes:
A new intern is getting a tour of the hospital he is working in. The intern walks past a room where a man is vigorously masturbating nonstop.

The intern asks the doctor he is with why that man was doing such a thing out in the open.

The doctor says: 'Oh, he has a medical condition where sperm builds up SO quickly in his body, he has to masturbate constantly or he will explode.'

'Oh, I see' says the intern.

They walk past another room where the intern sees a man laying on a stretcher getting a blow job from a nurse.

Again, he asks the doctor 'What is up with THAT?' The doctor says: 'Same condition,better medical plan.'
2014-01-18 11:51:24 PM  
3 votes:
They left out the only parts i cared about, nurse's age and photo.

img.fark.net
2014-01-19 05:51:12 AM  
2 votes:

Man_Without_A_Hat: Practicing ER nurse here. Ain't nothing new. Getting groped by elderly patients is also absurdly common.

/is a dude


The male insurgents we captured in Iraq used to beat it like circus monkeys in front of the female MPs, at the Detainee Holding Area in the Green Zone.  It got to the point where they didn't even react to the dudes wacking off.

One got tired of waiting on some guy to finish, so she could hand out bottled water to the rest of the guys in this temporarily holding pen.  She got too close, so he threw it in her face (ala Miggs).  She flinched slightly, but kept staring at him, without saying a word.  She then calmly reached down her pants, and proceeded to smear his face with menstrual blood.  She then nonchalantly finished passing out water while he screamed his head off.

/Probably a UL, but then again, some of the chicks were mean
2014-01-19 05:48:31 AM  
2 votes:
What you wish for in a nurse:

www.polyvore.com

What you'll wind up getting:

3.bp.blogspot.com
2014-01-19 04:11:39 AM  
2 votes:

John's Long Mustache: This guy must be a real shiat head.  The only time I've seen stuff like this taken to the cops or even security is when the patient is a repeat customer who always does awful things.  Eventually they screw up enough that it's worth the hassle of doing the paperwork to not have to take care of them anymore.

This is also how I learned that spitting on people counts as assault.


I've got another patient that likes to hit people. And for an almost 90yr old, the farker's got quite a swing. I've personally seen him drop two people to their knees: a female paramedic when he got her in the gut an knocked the wind out of her, and a male EMT when he got him with a nut shot. To be fair, he did tell the dude he was gonna punch him in the dick and the EMT's response was "Take your best shot!" It was pretty funny.
2014-01-19 01:18:18 AM  
2 votes:

haolegirl: Sorry, I work at a pet clinic.


Well there goes my boner.
2014-01-19 12:10:29 AM  
2 votes:
Nurse Ratchet sucks...
2014-01-18 11:52:52 PM  
2 votes:
What's his Fark handle?
2014-01-18 11:50:54 PM  
2 votes:
GARP!
2014-01-18 11:48:07 PM  
2 votes:
There goes about 20 years of Penthouse Forum up in smoke.
2014-01-19 07:39:37 AM  
1 votes:
I was asked to go see a patient, a little old Italian mama who was having visual hallucinations where she saw Jesus everywhere. She was so happy, tears were streaming down her face. The mama turned to embrace me. Thankfully, I noticed the surgical clamps concealed in her hand just as she was going for the backstab... I still have those clamps somewhere.
2014-01-19 06:17:54 AM  
1 votes:
It may be a crime, but I'll bet he gets off.
2014-01-19 04:28:10 AM  
1 votes:
That always sucks.  You're trying to help someone and PIFF smacked in the chops.  Next thing you know there's 6'3" 250lb me pinning all 90lbs of some poor old crazy person (who is flipping out) to the bed or stretcher hollering for help so I don't get hit again or end up breaking fingers or wrists by accident.  Got my glasses broken once that way :/
2014-01-19 04:00:40 AM  
1 votes:

berylman: glmorrs1: I have a patient that I transport on a pretty regular basis who likes to jack off in the back of the unit. One day he did it, no lie, five times in a 15 minute ride.

How do you know it wasn't one 15-minute session with brief intermissions every 3 minutes to calm down a little? This is important stuff!


I'm just assuming. He put his hand in his pants and starts going to town, and after a couple minutes he goes "uuugghhhhhh!" and starts panting. Like a minute later his hand is back in his pants and he does it all over again. My partner's dying laughing and I'm just praying to whatever gods will listen that he doesn't try to touch me.
2014-01-19 03:42:45 AM  
1 votes:
Couldn't she at least have "lent him a hand?" See the low-grade service Obama-care has brought us?
2014-01-19 03:29:00 AM  
1 votes:
I went to the hospital with a broken foot and the nurse sucked me off and paid my bill in full.
OK, 2/3 of that story isn't true.
2014-01-19 02:39:07 AM  
1 votes:

knbwhite: haolegirl: x23: haolegirl: LMAO, just now was shopping at a Bath n Bodyworks and ran into a lady who looked familiar. Turns out it was her dog who spent the entire exam licking my boob (thru my shirt!).

wat.

at least half the story is missing.

Sorry, I work at a pet clinic. Just had a 12 week old lab humping my arm last week...happens a lot!

I'll be in my crate ...


Good boy!
2014-01-19 02:34:37 AM  
1 votes:
This guy must be a real shiat head.  The only time I've seen stuff like this taken to the cops or even security is when the patient is a repeat customer who always does awful things.  Eventually they screw up enough that it's worth the hassle of doing the paperwork to not have to take care of them anymore.

This is also how I learned that spitting on people counts as assault.
2014-01-19 12:45:43 AM  
1 votes:
Based on the pr0n I've watched, that's the nurse's job, and pr0n wouldn't lie.
2014-01-19 12:42:41 AM  
1 votes:

rhiannon: Gag me with a spoon.


Kinky!
2014-01-19 12:30:34 AM  
1 votes:
Man, those whacky patients. Take your eye off them for a couple of secks and they get it up to all sorts of monkeyshines.
2014-01-19 12:02:39 AM  
1 votes:
I have a patient that I transport on a pretty regular basis who likes to jack off in the back of the unit. One day he did it, no lie, five times in a 15 minute ride. Luckily he keeps it in his pants when he does it so there's no mess. Still decon the stretcher and back of the unit though.

/started turning the buckles on the straps upside down so he can't unbuckle himself.
//dude's totes cray-cray
2014-01-18 11:56:37 PM  
1 votes:
A friend of mines mother was a cardiac icu nurse. She said shiat like this happened A LOT. She said the easiest way to deal with it was to say, in a bored voice: "put it away I've got bigger at home" or to laugh and say "that's it? I'm surprised you'd show something that small". She said almost without fail it stopped them immediately. Apparently it happens a lot, especially with old men.
2014-01-18 11:49:46 PM  
1 votes:
Ah geeze dad! Not again?
2014-01-18 11:44:51 PM  
1 votes:
i1.ytimg.com
approves.
 
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