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(Sports Illustrated)   Darren Sharper to mount NFL comeback with Steelers   (nfl.si.com) divider line 68
    More: Fail, Darren Sharper, Pro Football Talk, Steelers, NFL, WWL-TV, NFL safety, Vikings, Colts  
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1412 clicks; posted to Sports » on 18 Jan 2014 at 8:17 PM (44 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



68 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest
 
2014-01-18 07:56:28 PM  
At least it's not a Cowboys troll this time.
 
2014-01-18 07:59:25 PM  
If these allegations are true, it's a shame. Sharper was a key player in the Saints' Super Bowl run.
 
2014-01-18 08:31:53 PM  
According to TMZ, Sharper has been linked to two sexual assaults - one in Oct., 2013, and the other in Jan., 2014.

the New Orleans Police Department is investigating a Sept. 24, 2013 sexual assault complaint against Sharper


So we got September, October and January. I'm now picturing a profiler (either female or effeminate male) saying "He wouldn't just stop for two months. There are more victims out there!" and then the cast all look at each other worriedly and it goes to commercial.
 
2014-01-18 08:34:55 PM  
IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE BEN ROETHLISBERGER RAPES DRUNK COLLEGE GIRLS
 
2014-01-18 08:37:54 PM  
I love this headline.
 
2014-01-18 08:42:00 PM  
*snert* I submitted a headline about "illegal touching" and this is way better.
 
2014-01-18 08:47:13 PM  
And the stereotype continues.
 
2014-01-18 08:47:43 PM  

The Smails Kid: IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE BEN ROETHLISBERGER RAPES DRUNK COLLEGE GIRLS


Someone read NFL quarterbacks on facebook.
 
2014-01-18 08:49:36 PM  

you are a puppet: According to TMZ, Sharper has been linked to two sexual assaults - one in Oct., 2013, and the other in Jan., 2014.

the New Orleans Police Department is investigating a Sept. 24, 2013 sexual assault complaint against Sharper

So we got September, October and January. I'm now picturing a profiler (either female or effeminate male) saying "He wouldn't just stop for two months. There are more victims out there!" and then the cast all look at each other worriedly and it goes to commercial.


"Looks like this just might be..."

(puts on sunglasses)

"...another bad Valentine's Day for someone.'

YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
 
2014-01-18 08:53:36 PM  
That isn't all he is mounting if you know what I mean

I think you do
 
2014-01-18 08:53:46 PM  
Well that certainly doesn't help the Sharper image.
 
2014-01-18 08:55:37 PM  
Now that I have that out of my system.

I get being on a power trip and wanting to feel in control. What I do not get is the dude can bang any of 100 chicks at any given moment.

WHY?!?!?!

The same can be said for just about anyone in the NFL. Even the ones I exclude from the list could get a pity fark once a day...
 
2014-01-18 09:01:41 PM  
Did he play for FSU in college?  If so, that'd mean the Gators are automatically champions and Jameis Winston gets locked in the same cell with Jerry Sandusky.

/sarcasm
 
2014-01-18 09:15:49 PM  
Fresh take Subby. Any Weakest Link jokes you want to lay on us? Or how about that Brett Farve always retiring and unretiring? Those clowns in Congress sure have done it again amirite?

/the easiest possible joke made in the laziest possible way...profit
 
2014-01-18 09:17:02 PM  
Arrested for rape and due in court on Valentine's Day. Innit that sweet.
 
2014-01-18 09:17:33 PM  
LOOK AT MY PE-NIS NOW! WOOOO!!!!
 
2014-01-18 09:23:14 PM  

js34603: Fresh take Subby. Any Weakest Link jokes you want to lay on us? Or how about that Brett Farve always retiring and unretiring? Those clowns in Congress sure have done it again amirite?

/the easiest possible joke made in the laziest possible way...profit


Okay, let's see your headline.
 
2014-01-18 09:49:37 PM  

Piizzadude: Now that I have that out of my system.

I get being on a power trip and wanting to feel in control. What I do not get is the dude can bang any of 100 chicks at any given moment.

WHY?!?!?!

The same can be said for just about anyone in the NFL. Even the ones I exclude from the list could get a pity fark once a day...


Maybe, as is inherently the case with rape, the power trip is about ignoring consent.
 
2014-01-18 09:51:38 PM  
Name a Steelers player who has been charged with Sexual Assault more times than Sharper. I'll openly say that player should be cut.
 
2014-01-18 09:53:15 PM  

js34603: Fresh take Subby. Any Weakest Link jokes you want to lay on us? Or how about that Brett Farve always retiring and unretiring? Those clowns in Congress sure have done it again amirite?

/the easiest possible joke made in the laziest possible way...profit


Wait a minute, you mean Favre is planning a comeback?  Wire Madden at the old coots' home and tell him to crank up the bus, cause it's time to follow Bret as runs around like a little kid being a gunslinger and all!!!
 
2014-01-18 10:00:42 PM  

iron_city_ap: Name a Steelers player who has been charged with Sexual Assault more times than Sharper. I'll openly say that player should be cut.


Shouldn't once be enough?
 
2014-01-18 10:03:03 PM  

antidisestablishmentarianism: The Smails Kid: IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE BEN ROETHLISBERGER RAPES DRUNK COLLEGE GIRLS

Someone read NFL quarterbacks on facebook.


Well, bless your little heart.
 
2014-01-18 10:03:50 PM  
 
2014-01-18 10:03:56 PM  

Wadded Beef: iron_city_ap: Name a Steelers player who has been charged with Sexual Assault more times than Sharper. I'll openly say that player should be cut.

Shouldn't once be enough?


Once for who?
 
2014-01-18 10:10:17 PM  

bluorangefyre: Did he play for FSU in college?


The College of William & Mary
 
2014-01-18 10:12:59 PM  

Wadded Beef: iron_city_ap: Name a Steelers player who has been charged with Sexual Assault more times than Sharper. I'll openly say that player should be cut.

Shouldn't once be enough?


Sure. Now name one that was charged with sexual assault.
 
2014-01-18 10:13:16 PM  

The Smails Kid: antidisestablishmentarianism: The Smails Kid: IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE BEN ROETHLISBERGER RAPES DRUNK COLLEGE GIRLS

Someone read NFL quarterbacks on facebook.

Well, bless your little heart.


And you know what they say about little hearts...
 
2014-01-18 10:18:42 PM  

iron_city_ap: Wadded Beef: iron_city_ap: Name a Steelers player who has been charged with Sexual Assault more times than Sharper. I'll openly say that player should be cut.

Shouldn't once be enough?

Once for who?


For anyone who gets charged with more than one sexual assault. Your metric suggests a Steeler gets the first one free.

/I know, I know...six Super Bowls...
 
2014-01-18 10:26:22 PM  

iron_city_ap: Name a Steelers player who has been charged with Sexual Assault more times than Sharper. I'll openly say that player should be cut.


fc04.deviantart.net
 
2014-01-18 10:26:42 PM  
What he should have been doing was putting the team on his back.
 
2014-01-18 10:31:53 PM  

Wadded Beef: iron_city_ap: Wadded Beef: iron_city_ap: Name a Steelers player who has been charged with Sexual Assault more times than Sharper. I'll openly say that player should be cut.

Shouldn't once be enough?

Once for who?

For anyone who gets charged with more than one sexual assault. Your metric suggests a Steeler gets the first one free.

/I know, I know...six Super Bowls...


Repeat: who was charged?
 
2014-01-18 10:34:06 PM  

Adolf Oliver Nipples: Wadded Beef: iron_city_ap: Wadded Beef: iron_city_ap: Name a Steelers player who has been charged with Sexual Assault more times than Sharper. I'll openly say that player should be cut.

Shouldn't once be enough?

Once for who?

For anyone who gets charged with more than one sexual assault. Your metric suggests a Steeler gets the first one free.

/I know, I know...six Super Bowls...

Repeat: who was charged?


Did I say anyone was charged? Who are you talking about?
 
2014-01-18 10:34:29 PM  
Which Steelers player was arrested on rape charges?
 
2014-01-18 10:35:48 PM  

Wadded Beef: iron_city_ap: Name a Steelers player who has been charged with Sexual Assault more times than Sharper. I'll openly say that player should be cut.

Shouldn't once be enough?


Name one that has been charged once...
 
2014-01-18 10:44:42 PM  

Wadded Beef: iron_city_ap: Wadded Beef: iron_city_ap: Name a Steelers player who has been charged with Sexual Assault more times than Sharper. I'll openly say that player should be cut.

Shouldn't once be enough?

Once for who?

For anyone who gets charged with more than one sexual assault. Your metric suggests a Steeler gets the first one free.

/I know, I know...six Super Bowls...


Name a player who was actually charged.
 
2014-01-18 10:46:02 PM  
Are Steelers fans going to need fainting couches and ragequit now too?
 
2014-01-18 10:47:34 PM  

veedeevadeevoodee: iron_city_ap: Name a Steelers player who has been charged with Sexual Assault more times than Sharper. I'll openly say that player should be cut.


Not at all. Just asking for people to name a player who was actually charged. Name me a player who was charged, and I'll tell you that player should be/have been cut. I could care less who it is.
 
2014-01-18 10:48:46 PM  

iron_city_ap: Wadded Beef: iron_city_ap: Wadded Beef: iron_city_ap: Name a Steelers player who has been charged with Sexual Assault more times than Sharper. I'll openly say that player should be cut.

Shouldn't once be enough?

Once for who?

For anyone who gets charged with more than one sexual assault. Your metric suggests a Steeler gets the first one free.

/I know, I know...six Super Bowls...

Name a player who was actually charged.


Did I say anyone was charged? Who are you talking about?
 
2014-01-18 10:49:01 PM  

mikaloyd: Are Steelers fans going to need fainting couches and ragequit now too?


Why?
 
2014-01-18 10:50:46 PM  

Wadded Beef: iron_city_ap: Name a Steelers player who has been charged with Sexual Assault more times than Sharper. I'll openly say that player should be cut.

Shouldn't once be enough?


Okay. Once. Name someone.
 
2014-01-18 10:53:23 PM  

Wadded Beef: iron_city_ap: Wadded Beef: iron_city_ap: Wadded Beef: iron_city_ap: Name a Steelers player who has been charged with Sexual Assault more times than Sharper. I'll openly say that player should be cut.

Shouldn't once be enough?

Once for who?

For anyone who gets charged with more than one sexual assault. Your metric suggests a Steeler gets the first one free.

/I know, I know...six Super Bowls...

Name a player who was actually charged.

Did I say anyone was charged? Who are you talking about?


Good point. Since nobody has been charged, the Steelers reference is as accurate as a Patriots or Seahawks one.
 
2014-01-18 10:55:37 PM  

iron_city_ap: mikaloyd: Are Steelers fans going to need fainting couches and ragequit now too?

Why?


I want to know whether to pop corn to watch this thread or not
 
2014-01-18 10:57:13 PM  

mikaloyd: iron_city_ap: mikaloyd: Are Steelers fans going to need fainting couches and ragequit now too?

Why?

I want to know whether to pop corn to watch this thread or not


Fair point. I'd probably just hold off and drink your sorrows away..
 
2014-01-18 10:58:39 PM  

iron_city_ap: mikaloyd: iron_city_ap: mikaloyd: Are Steelers fans going to need fainting couches and ragequit now too?

Why?

I want to know whether to pop corn to watch this thread or not

Fair point. I'd probably just hold off and drink your sorrows away..


Sorrows?
 
2014-01-18 11:01:26 PM  

bigpeeler: And the stereotype continues.


Quick! Somebody call
i140.photobucket.com
 
2014-01-18 11:02:21 PM  

mikaloyd: iron_city_ap: mikaloyd: Are Steelers fans going to need fainting couches and ragequit now too?

Why?

I want to know whether to pop corn to watch this thread or not


Nah, just swatting flies. Old joke is old.
 
2014-01-18 11:04:18 PM  

mikaloyd: iron_city_ap: mikaloyd: iron_city_ap: mikaloyd: Are Steelers fans going to need fainting couches and ragequit now too?

Why?

I want to know whether to pop corn to watch this thread or not

Fair point. I'd probably just hold off and drink your sorrows away..

Sorrows?


Yup.
 
2014-01-18 11:09:01 PM  

iron_city_ap: mikaloyd: iron_city_ap: mikaloyd: iron_city_ap: mikaloyd: Are Steelers fans going to need fainting couches and ragequit now too?

Why?

I want to know whether to pop corn to watch this thread or not

Fair point. I'd probably just hold off and drink your sorrows away..

Sorrows?

Yup.


Im here for lulz not sorrows bro.
 
2014-01-18 11:09:14 PM  
I had to play Rapelisberger as a bye week fill-in on my ffl team this season. I STILL don't feel clean, no matter how hard I scrub.

/never again.
 
2014-01-18 11:12:04 PM  
it's the Steeler Way

/ or at least, a Pennsylvania thing
 
2014-01-18 11:12:33 PM  
Damn. I didn't realize Steelers fans were such whiny little biatches.
 
2014-01-18 11:29:07 PM  

Pilikia: I had to play Rapelisberger as a bye week fill-in on my ffl team this season. I STILL don't feel clean, no matter how hard I scrub.

/never again.


Now, now...since he was never formally charged his cherub-like innocence remains intact and his ever-giving glow continues to warm western Pennsylvania. How dare you.

Besides, when you have money you can reach a settlement in a civil lawsuit and assuage happy-doe-in-the-woods Steelers fans with "The matter has been resolved and I have no further comment."
 
2014-01-18 11:31:40 PM  

Wadded Beef: Now, now...since he was never formally charged his cherub-like innocence remains intact and his ever-giving glow continues to warm western Pennsylvania. How dare you.


Is there a way to be informally charged?
 
2014-01-18 11:32:20 PM  

Pokey.Clyde: Damn. I didn't realize Steelers fans were such whiny little biatches.


Right? Boo-farking-hoo.
 
2014-01-18 11:34:25 PM  

Adolf Oliver Nipples: Wadded Beef: Now, now...since he was never formally charged his cherub-like innocence remains intact and his ever-giving glow continues to warm western Pennsylvania. How dare you.

Is there a way to be informally charged?


Yes, in the court of public opinion. Which has ruled that Rapelisberger rapity rape rape rapist.
 
2014-01-18 11:35:19 PM  

Adolf Oliver Nipples: Wadded Beef: Now, now...since he was never formally charged his cherub-like innocence remains intact and his ever-giving glow continues to warm western Pennsylvania. How dare you.

Is there a way to be informally charged?


Iknowrite? And what's the deal with airline food?
 
2014-01-18 11:40:35 PM  

Wadded Beef: Adolf Oliver Nipples: Wadded Beef: Now, now...since he was never formally charged his cherub-like innocence remains intact and his ever-giving glow continues to warm western Pennsylvania. How dare you.

Is there a way to be informally charged?

Iknowrite? And what's the deal with airline food?


You know what this reminds me of? My fellow Chicagoans who insist that it's not Jay Cutler that's the problem, it's the O-line. You know what? If you're a whiny crybaby asshole your O-line's going to let you get hit. And if you rape people, football fans from other cities are going to call you a rapist. Farking deal with it.
 
2014-01-18 11:49:38 PM  

Pilikia: Adolf Oliver Nipples: Wadded Beef: Now, now...since he was never formally charged his cherub-like innocence remains intact and his ever-giving glow continues to warm western Pennsylvania. How dare you.

Is there a way to be informally charged?

Yes, in the court of public opinion. Which has ruled that Rapelisberger rapity rape rape rapist.


You said rape five times.
 
2014-01-19 12:19:17 AM  

mikaloyd: iron_city_ap: mikaloyd: iron_city_ap: mikaloyd: iron_city_ap: mikaloyd: Are Steelers fans going to need fainting couches and ragequit now too?

Why?

I want to know whether to pop corn to watch this thread or not

Fair point. I'd probably just hold off and drink your sorrows away..

Sorrows?

Yup.

Im here for lulz not sorrows bro.


How's that working out for you?
 
2014-01-19 12:24:11 AM  
I thought maybe this had to do with him holding Marshawn Lynch's D.
 
2014-01-19 12:31:20 AM  

iron_city_ap: mikaloyd: iron_city_ap: mikaloyd: iron_city_ap: mikaloyd: iron_city_ap: mikaloyd: Are Steelers fans going to need fainting couches and ragequit now too?

Why?

I want to know whether to pop corn to watch this thread or not

Fair point. I'd probably just hold off and drink your sorrows away..

Sorrows?

Yup.

Im here for lulz not sorrows bro.

How's that working out for you?


OK so far thanks. You?
 
2014-01-19 12:52:15 AM  
Does this mean that my Sharper Packers jersey will have to go next to my Chmura jersey?
 
2014-01-19 01:16:05 AM  

mjbok: Does this mean that my Sharper Packers jersey will have to go next to my Chmura jersey?


At least it's not Rae Carruth
 
2014-01-19 01:20:53 AM  

LucklessWonder: mjbok: Does this mean that my Sharper Packers jersey will have to go next to my Chmura jersey?

At least it's not Rae Carruth


Or Ray Lewis.  Gotta give Lewis credit though, he kills on the pre-game...just like the post game.
 
2014-01-19 01:49:29 AM  
Wow, it's like Epiphany has returned with an army of sockpuppets.

/this-thread-is-dildos.jpg
 
2014-01-19 06:29:20 AM  

mikaloyd: iron_city_ap: mikaloyd: iron_city_ap: mikaloyd: iron_city_ap: mikaloyd: iron_city_ap: mikaloyd: Are Steelers fans going to need fainting couches and ragequit now too?

Why?

I want to know whether to pop corn to watch this thread or not

Fair point. I'd probably just hold off and drink your sorrows away..

Sorrows?

Yup.

Im here for lulz not sorrows bro.

How's that working out for you?

OK so far thanks. You?


Can't complain, other than I had to get up way too farking early on a day off
 
2014-01-19 09:55:09 AM  

Pokey.Clyde: Damn. I didn't realize Steelers fans were such whiny little biatches.


Welcome to 1990.
 
2014-01-19 10:15:57 AM  
Is it because the Saint's had a bounty on her?
 
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