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(Slate)   Survey Says: Women who don't change their name after marriage bring home more bacon and fry it up in the pan   (slate.com) divider line 25
    More: Interesting, Amanda Marcotte, Double X, Daniel Luzer, AlterNet, birth name  
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3670 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Jan 2014 at 9:15 PM (48 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



Voting Results (Smartest)
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

2014-01-17 11:23:28 PM  
2 votes:

ChadM89: The tradition of changing the name of course dates back to the beginnings of marriage, when the woman actually became the man's property. This would also be a legitimate source of resistance to the practice in modern women.


Screw that, I'm just lazy. That and I would have had to change a bunch of stuff for the Army, and I already had like a dozen online accounts registered in my original last name, etc etc.

Maybe when you're 19 and don't have much of an identity established with the world, but at 29, I kept to the status quo.

Lordfortuna brought it up twice, tentatively, and hasn't mentioned it in several years. Wise man; I'd have made him do some of the paperwork. He HATES paperwork.
2014-01-17 10:41:47 PM  
2 votes:
Any broad that wouldn't take her husbands name isn't worth two shiats in my book.
2014-01-17 09:50:27 PM  
2 votes:

burdock: GoldSpider: Whose last name do the kids get?


Being that these couples never seem to have human children, by custom the dogs get the dad's last name and the cats get mom's.


I do know one couple where the wife kept her maiden name but they did end up having a child.  The child has the father's last name.

I don't know the wife's reason for keeping her maiden name, but I wonder if she just didn't want to have to constantly explain why a pale redhead like herself would have a Vietnamese last name.
2014-01-17 09:27:17 PM  
2 votes:
One of my female colleagues got married and changed her name. But her new name is Hoar. WTF? Why would you change your name to THAT?
2014-01-17 06:47:27 PM  
2 votes:
The more obvious explanation is that those who changed their name are less inclined to pursue their career over their family.  (and vice versa)

The obvious tag should be in play.
2014-01-18 10:51:21 AM  
1 votes:

eiger: My words to my current wife when the issue arose (she planned to keep her name): I wouldn't take your name; why the hell should you take mine? In fact, if you did take mine, I'd respect you a lot less.

I really don't understand all the insecure men who insist on their wives taking their names. What the hell do you care? Either you love each other and it'll work or it won't. Taking the same name won't make a difference.


This.

As I metioned the last time this thread came up (last week), since the mid 70s, when they overhauled the civil code and gave women the right to sign contracts and own property, they also decide that they should keep the same name from craddle to the grave. It makes a lot of paperwork simpler.

As for the kids, at first there were lots of hyphenated last names, but now that they are of child-bearing age, themselves, the trend seems to have stopped and now most kids only have they father's name.
2014-01-18 09:19:34 AM  
1 votes:

ladyfortuna: I don't believe in the concept of The ONE when it comes to love, but you'll never find 'The One Of The Few You Can Stand' unless you try. This was a concept I realized after a long-term relationship ended and I dated a couple of 'not the one' guys. Getting back on the horse is essential.


Oh, totally. I have been doing just that. Although that's part of what lead me to getting hurt to much. I guess that's the inherent risk, though. I'll keep trying, though. I'm stubborn, if anything.

The idea of "the one" was beaten out of me by life. It's a nice fairy tale but that's all it is. I used to wonder about people who bounced from relationship to relationship who never seemed to treat the topic with much sincerity. Now I kinda get it. All you can hope for is someone to be compatible for that point is time. There really isn't a Ms/Mr right. Try for Ms/Mr right now because it's all so disposable.

I used to really believe in the idea that she and I would chose each other above all else. The idea that this was a serious choice that wasn't to be taken lightly. I used to really believe in the idea that love was something special. But it's not. I went from really being in love with that 7 year girl to viciously hating her in the span of a few months (the time it took to reflect). We (mostly me) went trough hell and high water to stay together. Her family tried to separate us but we fought and persisted.We got along so well and seemed unshakable. But still she just got bored and up and left. She taught me how laughable the very idea of "I chose you above all others" really is. I'll never forgive her for that.

But that's what it amounts to. "Love" is nothing special. It's not some life changing, powerful force. It's fleeting, temporary, frivolous, and fragile. I understand it now. I get why those people never treated the situation seriously. There's little reason to. I've become one of the people that I used to feel bad for.

I'll probably never "fall in love" again. I'll feel affection, sure. But love? Like before? I seriously doubt it.

Sigh. Reality really sucks. Some days, I just want my innocence back.
2014-01-18 01:26:11 AM  
1 votes:
walktoanarcade:
*brofist*
Phew,  I was thinking, "I hope he's got a sense of humor..hope I didn't drive him over the edge. *nervous laughter*"

Sounds like you know yourself and what you need to do to be happy, though my advice is to keep your eyes open, women love to appear when it's not exactly convenient. Am I right?


Let's simplify that a bit: women love to be inconvenient.

Ha, yeah. I haven't lost my sense of humor. I'm not wallowing in self pity or anything. My attitude is more like, "Well, fark. Ok. What's my next step?"

On the plus side I'm now in the best job that I've ever had. Pretty decent pay, good people, and fairly easy going. My last job was less so.

Life is strange.
2014-01-18 12:51:09 AM  
1 votes:

GoldSpider: Whose last name do the kids get?


Trick question.  That biatch isn't going to ruin her body and career with a pregnancy.
2014-01-18 12:25:42 AM  
1 votes:

CowardlyLion: Johnsnownw: True enough, my wife is a doctor. She said she didn't work that hard to become Dr. (my last name).

/I don't really care
//I kind of do.

If it balances the universe a bit, I refused to let my wife take my last name; it's a crappy last name, doesn't suit her, and isn't the name of the woman I fell in love with.

/I'm also a Dr., technically.
//maybe just folks with terminal degrees oppose changing surnames
///n of 2 is sufficient for that conclusion, right?


I'll chip in and make you an n of 4. My husband and I are PhDs and didn't want to change our names. We both published articles before we were married and want to maintain separate professional identities. We work in the same field, so it's nice to have different names and not have to draw attention to our relationship unless we want to.
2014-01-18 12:20:08 AM  
1 votes:

hej: Short of you going around and announcing it to everybody you meet, how the hell would people interviewing you for a job know if you took your husbands last name or not?


If you have published papers under your birthname, that's how. Or if you have production credits in IMDB or something similar.


And anyhow, why does a man's surname at birth have precedence over his wife's? I mean aside from the obvious historical patriarchal crap. Plenty of places operate just fine with the idea that the name you're born with is the one you die with, regardless of of your sex.
2014-01-18 12:07:00 AM  
1 votes:
I know three married couples where the wife kept her dad's last name instead of her husband's. In each case, the husband is an effeminate pushover who is more of a personal assistant than a spouse. I'm sure that's not the norm, but it struck me as an odd coincidence.
2014-01-17 11:23:33 PM  
1 votes:

BunkyBrewman: The more obvious explanation is that those who changed their name are less inclined to pursue their career over their family.  (and vice versa)

The obvious tag should be in play.


Or was successful or the path to success before marriage and didn't want to lose the name recognition in their industry. I have several friends who, because they built their brand/business on the name Jane Doe, aren't much inclined to suddenly become Jane Jones.
hej
2014-01-17 11:19:27 PM  
1 votes:
Short of you going around and announcing it to everybody you meet, how the hell would people interviewing you for a job know if you took your husbands last name or not?
2014-01-17 11:05:32 PM  
1 votes:
Seriously, I would not marry a woman that would not take my last name. Keeping it as part of her name, NOT hyphenated, would be fine though.
2014-01-17 10:52:08 PM  
1 votes:

Prey4reign: My dream in life is not to become a good husband; it is to become a trophy husband.  I am willing to change my last name for the right offer.


Those people are usually looking for a '1st place' type trophy,  you're more of the 'participant' variety.
2014-01-17 10:24:26 PM  
1 votes:
My words to my current wife when the issue arose (she planned to keep her name): I wouldn't take your name; why the hell should you take mine? In fact, if you did take mine, I'd respect you a lot less.

I really don't understand all the insecure men who insist on their wives taking their names. What the hell do you care? Either you love each other and it'll work or it won't. Taking the same name won't make a difference.
2014-01-17 09:52:48 PM  
1 votes:
Women Who Take Their Husband's Name Perceived as Less Competent but More Caring

/stopped reading right there...
2014-01-17 09:44:12 PM  
1 votes:
True enough, my wife is a doctor. She said she didn't work that hard to become Dr. (my last name).

/I don't really care
//I kind of do.
2014-01-17 09:42:37 PM  
1 votes:

Foxxinnia: It's almost as if women who don't change their name after marriage often chose to do so because they are well-established in their respective fields which generally means that they already receive fairly high incomes.


That is why a lot of celebrity women don't change their stage names, but still change their legal names.
2014-01-17 09:41:48 PM  
1 votes:

Mangoose: There is nothing worse than dealing with a woman who changed her name and then gets divorced because they suddenly change all their contact information. Judi_husbandslastname[[nospam-﹫-backwards] image 7x13]liame[* image 7x13]com becomes Judi_maidename[[nospam-﹫-backwards] image 7x13]decrovidtogi[* image 7x13]com etc...

It's annoying. Keep your professional and personal identities separate.


Unless the marriage was very brief, or if the husband turned out to be someone who should be in prison, divorced women who changed their names should keep their married names, until they get married again. Especially if they had kids from the marriage with that name. From the kid's point of view, why is mom changing her name to be different from mine? Divorce is not an undo button. You're entering a new phase of your life, not going to back to what you were before.
2014-01-17 09:34:23 PM  
1 votes:

GoldSpider: Whose last name do the kids get?



Being that these couples never seem to have human children, by custom the dogs get the dad's last name and the cats get mom's.
2014-01-17 09:29:11 PM  
1 votes:

tonguedepressor: *whooosh* That's the sound of this headline's reference going over 99% of the Fark community.


33% said that show was still on live when they were a kid.
2014-01-17 09:27:34 PM  
1 votes:
But survey says the number one answer is "correlation does not equal causation"
2014-01-17 09:27:19 PM  
1 votes:

BunkyBrewman: The more obvious explanation is that those who changed their name are less inclined to pursue their career over their family. (and vice versa)


Probably because the name changers are marrying younger, before they get the education that increases the chances they'll bring home more bacon, while the name keepers have established their name in the relevant circles before marriage and don't want to jeopardize that with a name change.
 
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