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(Slate)   Survey Says: Women who don't change their name after marriage bring home more bacon and fry it up in the pan   (slate.com) divider line 113
    More: Interesting, Amanda Marcotte, Double X, Daniel Luzer, AlterNet, birth name  
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3625 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Jan 2014 at 9:15 PM (27 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-01-18 08:16:03 AM
DNRTFA
DNRTFT

Professionals make more money than semi or unskilled labour.

Women who hold a degree that has real value and in fact may be necessary for their profession tend to keep using the maiden name in which it was awarded.

The sky is blue, and you also knew the colour of the sky wihout being told.
 
2014-01-18 09:19:34 AM

ladyfortuna: I don't believe in the concept of The ONE when it comes to love, but you'll never find 'The One Of The Few You Can Stand' unless you try. This was a concept I realized after a long-term relationship ended and I dated a couple of 'not the one' guys. Getting back on the horse is essential.


Oh, totally. I have been doing just that. Although that's part of what lead me to getting hurt to much. I guess that's the inherent risk, though. I'll keep trying, though. I'm stubborn, if anything.

The idea of "the one" was beaten out of me by life. It's a nice fairy tale but that's all it is. I used to wonder about people who bounced from relationship to relationship who never seemed to treat the topic with much sincerity. Now I kinda get it. All you can hope for is someone to be compatible for that point is time. There really isn't a Ms/Mr right. Try for Ms/Mr right now because it's all so disposable.

I used to really believe in the idea that she and I would chose each other above all else. The idea that this was a serious choice that wasn't to be taken lightly. I used to really believe in the idea that love was something special. But it's not. I went from really being in love with that 7 year girl to viciously hating her in the span of a few months (the time it took to reflect). We (mostly me) went trough hell and high water to stay together. Her family tried to separate us but we fought and persisted.We got along so well and seemed unshakable. But still she just got bored and up and left. She taught me how laughable the very idea of "I chose you above all others" really is. I'll never forgive her for that.

But that's what it amounts to. "Love" is nothing special. It's not some life changing, powerful force. It's fleeting, temporary, frivolous, and fragile. I understand it now. I get why those people never treated the situation seriously. There's little reason to. I've become one of the people that I used to feel bad for.

I'll probably never "fall in love" again. I'll feel affection, sure. But love? Like before? I seriously doubt it.

Sigh. Reality really sucks. Some days, I just want my innocence back.
 
2014-01-18 09:22:59 AM

ambercat: CtrlAltDestroy: Then there's the bipolar girl who, although well intentioned, started things out based on a pretty big lie. The kind of lie that removes any chance of a future for us.

Out of curiosity, was the lie not telling you she was bipolar, or was it something else?


It's something else.

She was very upfront about her bipolar condition. Even though she can't afford the expensive meds for the last few years she's pretty stable without them. It's not really an issue.
 
2014-01-18 09:29:51 AM

walktoanarcade: Good to hear that you got some stuff to have some healthy pride over. And yeah, life's a trip..sorry I don't have much to say except lately I've been metaphorically stepped on, and on the other hand I may have made some new friends. *may*

Not holding my breath.  It seems people are waiting for enough opinions they dislike then they can discard you and hold to their own.

Pot helps not helps my physical pains, but allows me to tolerate various folks and their stupid personalities and prejudices.


Eh, yeah. Some people are like that. Being around them enough will start to make you paranoid. Good luck, man.

As for pot, I've never tried it. I probably wont any time soon. I'm not really drawn to mind altering things. I've never been drunk or personally seen the point in doing so. I do drink for the taste, though. Maybe one day for both. It's worth the experience for the sake of curiosity, I think.

I prefer to get lost in my interests. Cruising down lonesome roads on my motorcycle or wrenching on one of my cars is my version of meditation. It clears the mind and relaxes the body.
 
2014-01-18 10:10:53 AM
When I was married, my wife insisted that she get my last name.

It was a hassle, and all for nothing.
 
2014-01-18 10:48:05 AM

CtrlAltDestroy: ladyfortuna: I don't believe in the concept of The ONE when it comes to love, but you'll never find 'The One Of The Few You Can Stand' unless you try. This was a concept I realized after a long-term relationship ended and I dated a couple of 'not the one' guys. Getting back on the horse is essential.

Oh, totally. I have been doing just that. Although that's part of what lead me to getting hurt to much. I guess that's the inherent risk, though. I'll keep trying, though. I'm stubborn, if anything.

The idea of "the one" was beaten out of me by life. It's a nice fairy tale but that's all it is. I used to wonder about people who bounced from relationship to relationship who never seemed to treat the topic with much sincerity. Now I kinda get it. All you can hope for is someone to be compatible for that point is time. There really isn't a Ms/Mr right. Try for Ms/Mr right now because it's all so disposable.

I used to really believe in the idea that she and I would chose each other above all else. The idea that this was a serious choice that wasn't to be taken lightly. I used to really believe in the idea that love was something special. But it's not. I went from really being in love with that 7 year girl to viciously hating her in the span of a few months (the time it took to reflect). We (mostly me) went trough hell and high water to stay together. Her family tried to separate us but we fought and persisted.We got along so well and seemed unshakable. But still she just got bored and up and left. She taught me how laughable the very idea of "I chose you above all others" really is. I'll never forgive her for that.

But that's what it amounts to. "Love" is nothing special. It's not some life changing, powerful force. It's fleeting, temporary, frivolous, and fragile. I understand it now. I get why those people never treated the situation seriously. There's little reason to. I've become one of the people that I used to feel bad for.

I'll probably never "fall in love" agai ...


Drink more beer
 
2014-01-18 10:51:21 AM

eiger: My words to my current wife when the issue arose (she planned to keep her name): I wouldn't take your name; why the hell should you take mine? In fact, if you did take mine, I'd respect you a lot less.

I really don't understand all the insecure men who insist on their wives taking their names. What the hell do you care? Either you love each other and it'll work or it won't. Taking the same name won't make a difference.


This.

As I metioned the last time this thread came up (last week), since the mid 70s, when they overhauled the civil code and gave women the right to sign contracts and own property, they also decide that they should keep the same name from craddle to the grave. It makes a lot of paperwork simpler.

As for the kids, at first there were lots of hyphenated last names, but now that they are of child-bearing age, themselves, the trend seems to have stopped and now most kids only have they father's name.
 
2014-01-18 11:08:58 AM

SDRR: Drink more beer


Ha. I don't like beer. It's bitter and wrong. I can drink the lighter amber beers if there's nothing else. Michelob Ultra, Corona, Stella, etc. Dark beers are like drinking motor oil. I love me some liquor, though. Rum. tequila, vodka, whisky, etc.  Good stuff.
 
2014-01-18 11:13:38 AM

CtrlAltDestroy: walktoanarcade: Good to hear that you got some stuff to have some healthy pride over. And yeah, life's a trip..sorry I don't have much to say except lately I've been metaphorically stepped on, and on the other hand I may have made some new friends. *may*

Not holding my breath.  It seems people are waiting for enough opinions they dislike then they can discard you and hold to their own.

Pot helps not helps my physical pains, but allows me to tolerate various folks and their stupid personalities and prejudices.

Eh, yeah. Some people are like that. Being around them enough will start to make you paranoid. Good luck, man.

As for pot, I've never tried it. I probably wont any time soon. I'm not really drawn to mind altering things. I've never been drunk or personally seen the point in doing so. I do drink for the taste, though. Maybe one day for both. It's worth the experience for the sake of curiosity, I think.

I prefer to get lost in my interests. Cruising down lonesome roads on my motorcycle or wrenching on one of my cars is my version of meditation. It clears the mind and relaxes the body.


Thanks, though I am better at identifying those types and letting them know early on that I'm looking to assciate with folks who aren't easily offended and don't watch too much TV.  I find that it's the people that watch the most TV are the worst.

Yes, a lot of people fail to understand that work and exercise and natural stress relievers, and I know what you mean about meditation. You're talking about being totally relaxed, even if the tasks require skills and focus. It's a sweet place to be in life.  Glad you're there, dude. :)  I do like it a lot when someone can tell me that they're happy in a way, if not completely happy, which is rare.

And hey, getting drunk will only age you more quickly and make you forget things or possibly blacking out. You sound like a cool dude, and I want you to know that getting drunk has nearly killed me many times and I am blessed, lucky, charmed,  favored, you name it,  to be alive.  It's not that fun.  Plus, remember, it will AGE YOU.

/oh and I am not the kind of pot smoker that asks others to try it, I was just talking.
// will never drink again
 
2014-01-18 12:14:35 PM
I was going to say "In Islam, a woman does not lose her identity." But upon further thought am not sure if their is anything in the religion about that. It does mention naming people after their fathers.
However, some of the things Islam DID being with it some 14 centuries ago:
1) women's right to own things/land
2) right to approve/refuse a suitor
3) right to inheritance, though females in general get half of what the males get, with the obligation that males are breadwinners and the female has the choice to give her husband, and it is considered alms/charity (maybe not the right choice of words).

These are the things I remember off the top of my head.
There are many more. Feel free to google if interested.
 
2014-01-18 05:39:59 PM
If the time comes, I would love to take my girlfriend's name
/she's the boss :)
 
2014-01-18 11:13:59 PM
Honestly, if I could go back and do it all over, I'd have never changed my name. I love my husband, and I don't mind at all being referred to as "Mrs. [insert hubby's name here]," the amount of paperwork and hassle involved in that whole thing was unnecessary. Here I am nearly 11 years later, and I'll still occasionally come across something bearing my maiden name that has to be fixed. I ran into it a couple years ago when we refinanced our mortgage. I imagine I'll go through it all again when I finally find the time to go back to college.

I love him to death, and I hope we never divorce, but if we do I'll retake my maiden name, and there's no chance in hell I'll do the name change again after that.
 
2014-01-18 11:32:40 PM
Forgot to add... I have an ex with the last name "Annas." It got mispronounced exactly like you think it did (particularly by my mother), and I told him at the time that if we ever got married I was keeping my maiden name and that the kids would likely take my name.

He had no problem with this. He hated his last name, too.
 
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