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(Gawker)   Alabama pastor accused of stabbing his wife to death arrested... on the way to marry his boyfriend   (gawker.com) divider line 106
    More: Strange, Alabama pastor, short-term mission, Alabama, stabbing, boyfriends, deaths, wife, United States  
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7159 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Jan 2014 at 6:55 PM (30 weeks ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-01-17 07:32:29 PM

FirstNationalBastard: miss diminutive: FirstNationalBastard: Yeah, but in prison he's guaranteed to get buttfarked every day

I've never understood this. Is there some specific anus-pounding time scheduled right after lunch or something? Aren't they locked in their cells most of the time? When are they unsupervised long enough to fark each other with any regularity?

Well now you have me thinking there just aren't enough specific anus-pounding times scheduled in general.


I'm writing to my member of Parliament as we speak.
 
2014-01-17 07:33:47 PM
I just want to know how the mission trip to Kazakhstan configured in the scheme before establishing his new identity in England.  Was he going to stage his own death or kidnapping so his family would forget about him?  Or something more salacious and Boratty.
 
2014-01-17 07:37:03 PM
innerself.com
 
2014-01-17 07:37:11 PM

miss diminutive: FirstNationalBastard: miss diminutive: FirstNationalBastard: Yeah, but in prison he's guaranteed to get buttfarked every day

I've never understood this. Is there some specific anus-pounding time scheduled right after lunch or something? Aren't they locked in their cells most of the time? When are they unsupervised long enough to fark each other with any regularity?

Well now you have me thinking there just aren't enough specific anus-pounding times scheduled in general.

I'm writing to my member of Parliament as we speak.


As am I.

www.contactmusic.com

I think he'll be a great help.
 
2014-01-17 07:37:27 PM

miss diminutive: FirstNationalBastard: miss diminutive: FirstNationalBastard: Yeah, but in prison he's guaranteed to get buttfarked every day

I've never understood this. Is there some specific anus-pounding time scheduled right after lunch or something? Aren't they locked in their cells most of the time? When are they unsupervised long enough to fark each other with any regularity?

Well now you have me thinking there just aren't enough specific anus-pounding times scheduled in general.

I'm writing to my member of Parliament as we speak.


You're always so kind and thinking of others needs.
 
2014-01-17 07:39:16 PM
A while back when the news ran the story about the pastor's wife who was founded stabbed to death at home it seemed kinda obvious it was this guy.

Anyways he is out on $100,000 bond, despite being a huge flight risk.

I wonder what his sermon will be this Sunday?

/Don't forget to put money in the collection plate.
 
2014-01-17 07:39:47 PM
If any headline deserves a "Wait, what?", it's this one.
 
2014-01-17 07:47:45 PM
Wow.  That's the church next door to mine.

Homewood is actually a really nice area of Birmingham filled with smaller older homes and middle aged families.  The community puts a lot of focus on mission trips overseas, adoption, a being the type of Christians that don't end up on Fark.  Charity is a big deal here with churches running quarterly trips to Africa to provide healthcare, building schools and churches around the world, giving of food and clothes to ophanages around the world and adopting special needs children into local families.

This guy pretty much screwed that all up by insuring that Homewood isn't known for that.  He did it by finding a new and crazy way of combining lieing, gay, adultering, international traveling murderer with Alabama.

At least it didn't poison a tree.
 
2014-01-17 07:55:05 PM
"He planned to become a citizen there and begin a new life with his boyfriend... who he intended to marry,"

Whom.

/amidoingitrite.jpg
 
2014-01-17 07:56:06 PM
Grandpasimpsonenteringandleaving.jpg
 
2014-01-17 07:56:17 PM

tinfoil-hat maggie: wellreadneck: Somehow, stabbing her to death just seems too butch.

He could be a butch top you never know.


Doubt it. Stabbing her to death sounds like payback for one too many limp dick jokes.

 Poor woman. Now that  she's gone on to her just reward, at least she won't have to suffer the hell of shoving her thumb up his ass every other Friday night.
 
2014-01-17 07:57:32 PM
"Not long after his release, he took a paid leave of absence from his job as Children and Families Pastor and the Facilities Director at First Baptist in Homewood, Alabama..."

Baptist! Called it!
 
2014-01-17 07:58:09 PM

Randomly: Wow.  That's the church next door to mine.

Homewood is actually a really nice area of Birmingham filled with smaller older homes and middle aged families.  The community puts a lot of focus on mission trips overseas, adoption, a being the type of Christians that don't end up on Fark.  Charity is a big deal here with churches running quarterly trips to Africa to provide healthcare, building schools and churches around the world, giving of food and clothes to ophanages around the world and adopting special needs children into local families.

This guy pretty much screwed that all up by insuring that Homewood isn't known for that.  He did it by finding a new and crazy way of combining lieing, gay, adultering, international traveling murderer with Alabama.

At least it didn't poison a tree.


"Homewood; At least we're better than Hoover."

/Not setting the bar that high, boyo
 
2014-01-17 08:00:28 PM
Guys, I don't advocate stabbing your wives.  Whether or not you desperately desire to marry your same sex lover, there are alternatives to murder.  Sometimes, you just need to talk it over with a friend.  So straight guys, please, if you're thinking about doing something crazy like this, please come to me first.  I'm always happy to lend a rear.
 
2014-01-17 08:01:59 PM
So the most important question is the guy a fan on the Tigers or the Tide?
 
2014-01-17 08:03:51 PM

wellreadneck: tinfoil-hat maggie: wellreadneck: Somehow, stabbing her to death just seems too butch.

He could be a butch top you never know.

Doubt it. Stabbing her to death sounds like payback for one too many limp dick jokes.

 Poor woman. Now that  she's gone on to her just reward, at least she won't have to suffer the hell of shoving her thumb up his ass every other Friday night.


Well if she could have learned to peg him properly he probably wouldn't have stabbed her.
 
2014-01-17 08:06:17 PM

miss diminutive: Pssst. It's called divorce. Much lest painful than prison.


But divorce is against his religion...


/he swore till death do us part and by God he meant it
 
2014-01-17 08:09:19 PM

Captain Dan: This is exactly what Prop 8 was designed to prevent.


I have you labelled as right-wing but sane. As such, I choose to believe this post is satire.
 
2014-01-17 08:10:56 PM

Cybernetic: Thou shalt not what now? I can't remember.


Have the butt sex?
 
2014-01-17 08:19:32 PM

tinfoil-hat maggie: wellreadneck: tinfoil-hat maggie: wellreadneck: Somehow, stabbing her to death just seems too butch.

He could be a butch top you never know.

Doubt it. Stabbing her to death sounds like payback for one too many limp dick jokes.

 Poor woman. Now that  she's gone on to her just reward, at least she won't have to suffer the hell of shoving her thumb up his ass every other Friday night.

Well if she could have learned to peg him properly he probably wouldn't have stabbed her.


She wasn't man enough for him.
 
2014-01-17 08:21:19 PM
i.imgur.com
 
2014-01-17 08:21:58 PM

limeyfellow: Cybernetic: Thou shalt not what now? I can't remember.

Have the butt sex?


It's OK in the Bible to ride an ass.
 
2014-01-17 08:25:32 PM

i3.kym-cdn.com

 
2014-01-17 08:27:42 PM
Option 1, kill your wife
Option 2, "hun, I'm heading out for milk, brb" bam! Never return.

I'll never understand killing your wife to get away from her
 
2014-01-17 08:32:53 PM

Mad Scientist: Days since last bigoted fundie turns out to be gay: 0


I read that as "bigfooted" and was mightily confused about why shoe size had anything to do with it.
Time for more scotchy scotch
 
2014-01-17 08:36:25 PM

FlashHarry: Calmamity: Michelle Bachmann is dead?!

are you suggesting that... marcus bachmann is not all man!?


Mrs. Peacock was a man?!?!?
 
2014-01-17 08:42:42 PM
Killing your wife, in Alabama...to go to England and marry your boyfriend...

Worst country song ever.
 
2014-01-17 09:01:44 PM
I'd love to know what twisted rationale his brain was using for killing his wife.

Did he think that if he allowed her to live, and he still skedaddled off to England, that she would catch up with him and "make him" come back?? That she would peek in the window and see him making out with his new boyfriend and would make him feel guilty?

Baptists, you bring this on yourselves. (Except for the actual murder part. That was his fault.)
 
2014-01-17 09:02:53 PM

noblewolf: [i3.kym-cdn.com image 353x462]


He's wearing hot-pants on his horns.
 
2014-01-17 09:10:07 PM
Okay, this is something I don't understand.  How can closeted gay men marry women and have children?  In order to have children, you have to get an erection while rolling around naked with a member of the gender you do not prefer.  Then it has to get arousing to the point where you ejaculate into the body of the member of the gender you do not want to be with.  How does a closeted gay man do this...by closing his eyes tightly during vaginal sex and fantasizing about the models in the latest International Male catalog??
 
2014-01-17 09:12:47 PM

FirstNationalBastard: miss diminutive: FirstNationalBastard: miss diminutive: FirstNationalBastard: Yeah, but in prison he's guaranteed to get buttfarked every day

I've never understood this. Is there some specific anus-pounding time scheduled right after lunch or something? Aren't they locked in their cells most of the time? When are they unsupervised long enough to fark each other with any regularity?

Well now you have me thinking there just aren't enough specific anus-pounding times scheduled in general.

I'm writing to my member of Parliament as we speak.

As am I.

[www.contactmusic.com image 500x750]

I think he'll be a great help.


THIS is why I love Fark...this made me laugh way harder than it should have.
 
2014-01-17 09:15:12 PM

MattyBlast: Okay, this is something I don't understand.  How can closeted gay men marry women and have children?  In order to have children, you have to get an erection while rolling around naked with a member of the gender you do not prefer.  Then it has to get arousing to the point where you ejaculate into the body of the member of the gender you do not want to be with.  How does a closeted gay man do this...by closing his eyes tightly during vaginal sex and fantasizing about the models in the latest International Male catalog??


Sexuality and attraction aren't binary conditions. It's a spectrum. Most people are close to the extreme ends, but there's still plenty of people in the vast in-between. It's entirely possible that he was attracted enough to his wife to do the deed.

Or, like you said, he was just imagining he was with Mr October from the Fire-fighter calendar.
 
2014-01-17 09:24:17 PM
Gee, maybe the Fundies are right.

Gay marriage is just so great it's an attractive nuisance.

Even cracker-ass Alabama pastors can' resist killing their spouses so they can get gay-married ASAP.

We'd better stop this gay marriage madness before it destroys America. And possibly one or two other countries.

Canada and Spain seem to be coping just fine. I hear two Spanish soldiers named Manuel were among the first couples married in Spain. Isn't that adorbs? (I promise not to use this stupid word more than once a week--or year, depending on how nasty I feel.)
 
2014-01-17 09:25:01 PM

miss diminutive: MattyBlast: Okay, this is something I don't understand.  How can closeted gay men marry women and have children?  In order to have children, you have to get an erection while rolling around naked with a member of the gender you do not prefer.  Then it has to get arousing to the point where you ejaculate into the body of the member of the gender you do not want to be with.  How does a closeted gay man do this...by closing his eyes tightly during vaginal sex and fantasizing about the models in the latest International Male catalog??

Sexuality and attraction aren't binary conditions. It's a spectrum. Most people are close to the extreme ends, but there's still plenty of people in the vast in-between. It's entirely possible that he was attracted enough to his wife to do the deed.

Or, like you said, he was just imagining he was with Mr October from the Fire-fighter calendar.


Well Hoover where most of my gay friends in B-ham live is just south of there but yea I've met lots of gay men that came out when older and have kids and they pretty much closed their eyes and think of the hot sweaty guy at the gym or whatever.
 
2014-01-17 09:25:56 PM
Where's the picture of his boyfriend? How can we tell how crazy he is if we can't rate his boyfriend?
 
2014-01-17 09:27:11 PM

GlassHouses: FirstNationalBastard: miss diminutive: FirstNationalBastard: miss diminutive: FirstNationalBastard: Yeah, but in prison he's guaranteed to get buttfarked every day

I've never understood this. Is there some specific anus-pounding time scheduled right after lunch or something? Aren't they locked in their cells most of the time? When are they unsupervised long enough to fark each other with any regularity?

Well now you have me thinking there just aren't enough specific anus-pounding times scheduled in general.

I'm writing to my member of Parliament as we speak.

As am I.

[www.contactmusic.com image 500x750]

I think he'll be a great help.

THIS is why I love Fark...this made me laugh way harder than it should have.


Me too, and now I have that song in my head! Thanks!!
 
2014-01-17 09:27:55 PM

brantgoose: Where's the picture of his boyfriend? How can we tell how crazy he is if we can't rate his boyfriend?


well as far as the wife was concerned he was to die for...
 
2014-01-17 09:31:40 PM

TopoGigo: Captain Dan: This is exactly what Prop 8 was designed to prevent.

I have you labelled as right-wing but sane. As such, I choose to believe this post is satire.


I realize that it's impossible on the internet to parody extremists, but I thought this was over-the-top enough that nobody would think that anyone could believe it.

For the record, it was a throwaway joke.  I'm a Republican, but I opposed Prop 8 and support gay marriage.
 
2014-01-17 09:39:32 PM

brantgoose: Where's the picture of his boyfriend? How can we tell how crazy he is if we can't rate his boyfriend?


You got that right. We should have taken care of that question first off.
 
2014-01-17 09:45:20 PM
And that's one reason why forcing someone to stay in the closet is BAD.

Calmamity: Michelle Bachmann is dead?!


*SNERT*
 
2014-01-17 09:46:51 PM

Agent Smiths Laugh: Well, how about that. A gay actually is destroying traditional marriage.

/feel slightly head-achey from typing that


OMFG SANTORUM WAS RIGHT!!!1!

*goes back to church*
 
2014-01-17 09:47:32 PM

tinfoil-hat maggie: miss diminutive: MattyBlast: Okay, this is something I don't understand.  How can closeted gay men marry women and have children?  In order to have children, you have to get an erection while rolling around naked with a member of the gender you do not prefer.  Then it has to get arousing to the point where you ejaculate into the body of the member of the gender you do not want to be with.  How does a closeted gay man do this...by closing his eyes tightly during vaginal sex and fantasizing about the models in the latest International Male catalog??

Sexuality and attraction aren't binary conditions. It's a spectrum. Most people are close to the extreme ends, but there's still plenty of people in the vast in-between. It's entirely possible that he was attracted enough to his wife to do the deed.

Or, like you said, he was just imagining he was with Mr October from the Fire-fighter calendar.

Well Hoover where most of my gay friends in B-ham live is just south of there but yea I've met lots of gay men that came out when older and have kids and they pretty much closed their eyes and think of the hot sweaty guy at the gym or whatever.


It's not like it's really all that hard, pardon the pun. The same thing often happens to straight boys when they wrestle. It's just friction.
 
2014-01-17 10:05:43 PM

Randomly: Wow.  That's the church next door to mine.

Homewood is actually a really nice area of Birmingham filled with smaller older homes and middle aged families.  The community puts a lot of focus on mission trips overseas, adoption, a being the type of Christians that don't end up on Fark.  Charity is a big deal here with churches running quarterly trips to Africa to provide healthcare, building schools and churches around the world, giving of food and clothes to ophanages around the world and adopting special needs children into local families.

This guy pretty much screwed that all up by insuring that Homewood isn't known for that.  He did it by finding a new and crazy way of combining lieing, gay, adultering, international traveling murderer with Alabama.

At least it didn't poison a tree.


Imagine if you were allowed to be gay AND Baptist in Alabama...freedom rulez!
 
2014-01-17 11:15:07 PM

Mjeck: Option 1, kill your wife
Option 2, "hun, I'm heading out for milk, brb" bam! Never return.

I'll never understand killing your wife to get away from her


It's one of those emotional, symbolism things.  You have to "win" or "get clear" by having that one last argument where you tell her how much she sucks (but the argument gets violent) or you have to "be sure that hell-harpy NEVER troubles me AGAIN!"  or similar bullshiat.

It's more important for people who feel instead of think and rely on "their gut" instead of their brain.

Or so it seems, I'm not a psychological profiler of spouse-slayers.
 
2014-01-17 11:36:41 PM

tallguywithglasseson: See what happens when you legalize gay marriage?


Not to mention, he was probably high on Colorado dope when he committed the crime.

/Between the stoned gays and Obamascare, our country is doomed
 
2014-01-17 11:47:09 PM

MattyBlast: Okay, this is something I don't understand.  How can closeted gay men marry women and have children?  In order to have children, you have to get an erection while rolling around naked with a member of the gender you do not prefer.  Then it has to get arousing to the point where you ejaculate into the body of the member of the gender you do not want to be with.  How does a closeted gay man do this...by closing his eyes tightly during vaginal sex and fantasizing about the models in the latest International Male catalog??


They work just fine. You just don't do it as often but when you do it is just like being with a hetero and can be quite passionate. Married to a gay guy for 3 years. He still loved me and was attracted in his own way. I divorced him because I couldn't take the lies anymore. He is now completely out of the closet.  Hope that wasn't TMI.
 
2014-01-18 12:13:12 AM

UsikFark: noblewolf: [i3.kym-cdn.com image 353x462]

He's wearing hot-pants on his horns.


...

What has been seen...

/you have a most appropriate handle
 
2014-01-18 12:24:54 AM

FirstNationalBastard: miss diminutive: Pssst. It's called divorce. Much lest painful than prison.

Yeah, but in prison he's guaranteed to get buttfarked every day. With a divorce, he may have days where there is no farking of the butt. So, he's coming out ahead.


Or behind

/Whichever way he likes it
/I didn't read ahead so someone else probably beat me to that joke.
 
2014-01-18 01:35:11 AM
I don't get it, why not just divorce her? Sure it'll take months and cost and arm and a leg (probably), but being locked up in prison takes years and cost pretty much everything. The boyfriend would have to be an idiot to stay with this winner, but then the world is full of idiots.
 
2014-01-18 02:32:52 AM

Pribar: brantgoose: Where's the picture of his boyfriend? How can we tell how crazy he is if we can't rate his boyfriend?

well as far as the wife was concerned he was to die for...


Ok, that's really the first time I lol-ed in this thread. Thanks
 
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