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(NJ.com)   Masturbating in a parking lot while high on synthetic weed is no way to go through life son. Unless you're on the New York Jets, then it's kinda expected   (nj.com) divider line 58
    More: Dumbass  
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1963 clicks; posted to Sports » on 17 Jan 2014 at 1:09 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



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2014-01-17 01:16:09 PM  
Parking lots 2, Kellen Winslow Jr. 0.
 
2014-01-17 01:17:50 PM  
Getting high, driving around looking for a Boston Market, and then giving up and masturbating in a parking lot sounds strangely like my high school days.
 
2014-01-17 01:18:55 PM  
If the best thing you can say about a player is that they're not as shady as Marvin Harrison or Aaron Hernandez, that's not a good thing.
 
2014-01-17 01:21:05 PM  

rickythepenguin: Parking lots 2, Kellen Winslow Jr. 0.


zing!
 
2014-01-17 01:23:56 PM  
Jets?  Nah, man, he's a f*cking soldier.  That's what soldiers do
 
2014-01-17 01:26:04 PM  
so...we can see that his little soldier was getting a workout too.
 
2014-01-17 01:32:45 PM  
Sounds like my weekend plans.
 
2014-01-17 01:51:01 PM  
It's hard to catch a pass with vaseline hands.
 
2014-01-17 01:53:19 PM  
these men live by a warrior's stroke that we can't possibly understand.
 
2014-01-17 01:57:48 PM  
He's a former Jet and a former Brown.  Getting high and masturbating in a parking lot is as good as life gets, once you've been where he's been.
 
2014-01-17 02:02:14 PM  
FTFA: Winslow sprang to an upright position when the officer arrived

These writers are just bored with themselves
 
2014-01-17 02:11:24 PM  
What a jerkoff.
 
2014-01-17 02:38:35 PM  
imgick.nj.com

Does his biceps muscle look oddly square to you? Is that roids/HGH/synthol, or just exercising "Mr. Happy"/spanking the "Funky Monkey"?
 
2014-01-17 02:41:15 PM  

FishyFred: If the best thing you can say about a player is that they're not as shady as Marvin Harrison or Aaron Hernandez, that's not a good thing.


Had not heard about Marvin Harrison's shady deeds.
 
2014-01-17 02:41:19 PM  
Fake drugs, fake sex, he was only fake rock and roll from the artificial intense lifestyle trifecta.
 
2014-01-17 02:42:29 PM  
Just when I was about to say, "Thank God it wasn't another Browns player..."


hahahaha
 
2014-01-17 02:43:49 PM  

Doogled: FishyFred: If the best thing you can say about a player is that they're not as shady as Marvin Harrison or Aaron Hernandez, that's not a good thing.

Had not heard about Marvin Harrison's shady deeds.


Allegedly killed a guy. Witness disappeared.
 
2014-01-17 02:44:15 PM  
encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com
These men live by a Warrior's Code.
 
2014-01-17 02:48:09 PM  

FishyFred: If the best thing you can say about a player is that they're not as shady as Marvin Harrison or Aaron Hernandez, that's not a good thing.


To be fair, jerking it in a parking lot is miles apart from killing folks.
 
2014-01-17 02:48:42 PM  

puckrock2000: [imgick.nj.com image 620x440]

Does his biceps muscle look oddly square to you? Is that roids/HGH/synthol, or just exercising "Mr. Happy"/spanking the "Funky Monkey"?


That's just where he keeps his cigarettes.
 
2014-01-17 02:52:02 PM  

mootmah: Doogled: FishyFred: If the best thing you can say about a player is that they're not as shady as Marvin Harrison or Aaron Hernandez, that's not a good thing.

Had not heard about Marvin Harrison's shady deeds.

Allegedly killed a guy. Witness disappeared.


As I remember the story, his gun allegedly killed a guy.
 
2014-01-17 03:00:22 PM  
What else are you supposed to do when your muthafarkin' solder is at attention?
 
2014-01-17 03:00:59 PM  

mcmnky: mootmah: Doogled: FishyFred: If the best thing you can say about a player is that they're not as shady as Marvin Harrison or Aaron Hernandez, that's not a good thing.

Had not heard about Marvin Harrison's shady deeds.

Allegedly killed a guy. Witness disappeared.

As I remember the story, his gun allegedly killed a guy.


I thought guns didn't kill people.
 
2014-01-17 03:01:08 PM  
dammit, soldier
 
2014-01-17 03:01:46 PM  
www.twisternederland.com
 
2014-01-17 03:02:20 PM  
He was thinking about another year of Rex Ryan's feet.
 
2014-01-17 03:10:59 PM  
Personal foul, Offense. He's giving his penis the business.
 
2014-01-17 03:14:23 PM  

puckrock2000: [imgick.nj.com image 620x440]

Does his biceps muscle look oddly square to you? Is that roids/HGH/synthol, or just exercising "Mr. Happy"/spanking the "Funky Monkey"?


Tattoo, lighting and bicep vein.
 
2014-01-17 03:19:31 PM  
I would have given him the benefit of the doubt with the "changing his clothes in the parking lot" story.

Then I read about the Vaseline.
 
2014-01-17 03:19:32 PM  
Expected? No. Understandable? Sure, what the hell.
 
2014-01-17 03:32:49 PM  
I dont even....what?
 
2014-01-17 03:40:37 PM  
Vaseline : Get the winning feeling
Vaseline : Handiest thing in the house
 
2014-01-17 03:40:39 PM  
I have a new favorite euphemism
 
2014-01-17 03:50:07 PM  

puckrock2000: Does his biceps muscle look oddly square to you? Is that roids/HGH/synthol, or just exercising "Mr. Happy"/spanking the "Funky Monkey"?


Looks like a vein and where he could have had trauma before, sometimes veins will pop out in weird places if you have had a bruise there, the rest of it is just muscle.


And on a side note, I didnt even know kellen, jr was still playing.
 
2014-01-17 04:04:25 PM  

mcmnky: mootmah: Doogled: FishyFred: If the best thing you can say about a player is that they're not as shady as Marvin Harrison or Aaron Hernandez, that's not a good thing.

Had not heard about Marvin Harrison's shady deeds.

Allegedly killed a guy. Witness disappeared.

As I remember the story, his gun allegedly killed a guy.


As I remember the story, you shouldn't say shiat like that because Marvin Harrison will kill you and your motherfarking mama.  ESPN came around Marvin Harrison's hood asking questions and that whole place clammed up like a ghost town.  Don't go around saying shiat like you know what Marvin Harrison does.  Has the commissioner ever fined Marvin Harrison?  Nope, because he wants to come home to a family that isn't dismembered.
 
2014-01-17 04:41:12 PM  
I don't want to live in a country where it's illegal to whack it in a parking lot after smoking synthetic marijuana.

Also, hey lady, mind your freaking business. Don't poke your head in a guys window to tell him it's cold. And if you do, don't be offended when he's whacking it.
 
2014-01-17 04:46:52 PM  
*looks to see who it was*

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
 
2014-01-17 04:57:18 PM  

Killer Cars: Getting high, driving around looking for a Boston Market, and then giving up and masturbating in a parking lot sounds strangely like my high school days.


seriously.  Dudes 30.  He should be over this kind of thing by now.  He should be doing coke off of a hooker in a nice hotel by now like a big boy now.  The consigere will send a runner to get you some boston marke
 
2014-01-17 04:59:57 PM  
"By the time police arrived, an officer found Winslow allegedly "slouched in his seat and moving around." Winslow sprang to an upright position when the officer arrived. When the cop asked Winslow what he was doing, Winslow allegedly said he was looking for Boston Market but was lost."

I think we have found another euphemism for masturbation.
 
2014-01-17 05:08:38 PM  
I came to this thread for ... a whole lot of things and you guys delivered brilliantly. Not leaving disappointed at all.

/I said CAME
 
2014-01-17 05:51:15 PM  
"Kellen Winslow Jr., your team was just eliminated from the playoffs.  What are you going to do next?"

"Imma go whack one out in my Beemer.  Why, wanna watch?"
 
2014-01-17 06:22:49 PM  

elguerodiablo: Killer Cars: Getting high, driving around looking for a Boston Market, and then giving up and masturbating in a parking lot sounds strangely like my high school days.

seriously.  Dudes 30.  He should be over this kind of thing by now.  He should be doing coke off of a hooker in a nice hotel by now like a big boy now.  The consigere will send a runner to get you some boston marke


And it ain't like this kid came into money and doesn't know how to act right. His dad is in the Hall of Fame for goodness.

Besides, he should have had plenty of practice doing blow and banging chicks at The U.

Maybe he just got bored of and needed a new adventure?
 
2014-01-17 06:30:47 PM  
with Vaseline? What was he thinking?
 
2014-01-17 06:57:24 PM  
Happened to me once years ago. I was visiting a friend across the country and he was at work, so I was hanging out in a Ralphs parking lot watching Scrubs on a laptop until he got home. The manager came out and said someone reported me for watching porn and masturbating in the parking lot, and asked me to leave before he called the police, my truthful objections to the contrary carrying no weight. CSB?
 
2014-01-17 07:14:37 PM  
I think Winslow's alma mater was already aware of his manstroke

img.fark.net
 
2014-01-17 07:35:39 PM  

VTGremlin: Happened to me once years ago. I was visiting a friend across the country and he was at work, so I was hanging out in a Ralphs parking lot watching Scrubs on a laptop until he got home. The manager came out and said someone reported me for watching porn and masturbating in the parking lot, and asked me to leave before he called the police, my truthful objections to the contrary carrying no weight. CSB?


I for one almost believe your story
 
2014-01-17 07:40:30 PM  
media.nj.com
 
2014-01-17 08:38:51 PM  

groppet: Sounds like my weekend plans.


Except with the real stuff
 
2014-01-17 08:44:16 PM  
I applaud Kellen Winslow Jr for setting the bar for conspicuous arrest high enough that other NFL players can get away with plain old assaults at the titty bars or pulled over for DUIs...

His efforts will allow you to breathe a sigh of relief the next time your team's star tight end is questioned by police for an accidental gun discharge or an assistant coach's forgotten handgun found in his carry on a the airport security checkpoint.

We salute you, Mr. Over-the-top-arrest Man!
 
2014-01-17 08:47:25 PM  

babysealclubber: I have a new favorite euphemism


"I'll be in the parking lot."?
 
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