Do you have adblock enabled?
If you can read this, either the style sheet didn't load or you have an older browser that doesn't support style sheets. Try clearing your browser cache and refreshing the page.

(Daily Express)   Still no cure for canc...oh, hang on a minute   (express.co.uk) divider line 140
    More: Cool, BMC Biology Journal, cure, cancer mortality rates, Macmillan Cancer Support  
•       •       •

15740 clicks; posted to Main » on 17 Jan 2014 at 12:27 PM (1 year ago)   |  Favorite    |   share:  Share on Twitter share via Email Share on Facebook   more»



140 Comments   (+0 »)
   
View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all
 
2014-01-17 11:55:59 AM  
Something tells me this will actually be a mixture of:

25.media.tumblr.com

And....

www.phdcomics.com

Also, it's kind of shiatty that they're touting this as HOPE FOR CANCER PATIENTS TO BE AVAILABLE SOON(TM) when that soon means ten to thirty years, and that's if initial research proves to be promising.
 
2014-01-17 12:18:52 PM  
In addition to the above, I went to the BMC Biology Journal and this article isn't on their homepage as a featured item.  Fairly certain this would be trending.

That being said: I want to believe.
 
2014-01-17 12:31:21 PM  
Doubtful tag dead? Perhaps from cancer?
 
2014-01-17 12:32:38 PM  
I am wondering what whacky bigoted conspiracy crap will come out of the fact that the Israelis are developing this.
 
2014-01-17 12:33:45 PM  
encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com
 
2014-01-17 12:33:54 PM  
Don't worry, Merck will get the patent and then this cancer cure will never see the light of day, except in small doses to "treat cancer".
 
2014-01-17 12:34:05 PM  

PC LOAD LETTER: I am wondering what whacky bigoted conspiracy crap will come out of the fact that the Israelis are developing this.


"Zionists have long known the cure for cancer and have withheld it from humanity."
 
2014-01-17 12:34:19 PM  
"There will undoubtedly be many years of extracting the relevant parts of the mole rats' genetic differences and then - the most difficult aspect - bringing those gene extracts into humans. Prof Avivi is to be congratulated on opening up an exciting new phase of research."

Great, so even if this pans out, I'll probably be dead from cancer before it's actually available as a treatment.
 
2014-01-17 12:35:12 PM  
A real cure gets an instant reaction from GOP legislators, who would see a ban on anyone they don't like getting it, since those people would vote against them for a very long time.  And they the poors. Or brown.
 
2014-01-17 12:35:37 PM  

cgraves67: PC LOAD LETTER: I am wondering what whacky bigoted conspiracy crap will come out of the fact that the Israelis are developing this.

"Zionists have long known the cure for cancer and have withheld it from humanity."


"Have you ever known a Jew with cancer? It never happens." -- Stormfront post, 2015.
 
2014-01-17 12:35:59 PM  
It's too bad Fartbongo invented cancer and used his time machine to go back in time to personally give individuals the disease as a way of trying to disprove the baby Jesus ever was born.
 
2014-01-17 12:36:03 PM  
Won't someone think of the radiation specialists???
 
2014-01-17 12:36:23 PM  
gifrific.com

/hot like she is
 
2014-01-17 12:36:23 PM  

PC LOAD LETTER: I am wondering what whacky bigoted conspiracy crap will come out of the fact that the Israelis are developing this.


img.fark.net
 
2014-01-17 12:36:36 PM  

BitwiseShift: A real cure gets an instant reaction from GOP legislators, who would see a ban on anyone they don't like getting it, since those people would vote against them for a very long time.  And they the poors. Or brown.


Whatever happens, the company that gets the patent on this life-saving compound MUST be allowed to charge as much as they want for it, or the communists win.
 
2014-01-17 12:36:37 PM  
Mole rats are screwed either way

i.lvme.me

/Also does this make humans more susceptible to having our heads blown off when hit by a stick given to us by a crazy lady living in a tin shack?
 
2014-01-17 12:36:40 PM  
I wonder what mole rat tastes like?
 
2014-01-17 12:37:00 PM  

BitwiseShift: A real cure gets an instant reaction from GOP legislators, who would see a ban on anyone they don't like getting it, since those people would vote against them for a very long time.  And they the poors. Or brown.


Hey Eric Holder supplies the mexican cartels with guns and transportation but you don't see me thread-jacking about it.
 
ZAZ [TotalFark]
2014-01-17 12:37:47 PM  
It's been two weeks since the last cure for cancer. I suppose we were due.
 
2014-01-17 12:37:48 PM  

RedVentrue: I wonder what mole rat tastes like?


Like regular rat, but with a slight earthworm tang.
 
2014-01-17 12:38:17 PM  

BitwiseShift: A real cure gets an instant reaction from GOP legislators, who would see a ban on anyone they don't like getting it, since those people would vote against them for a very long time.  And they the poors. Or brown.


See, I thought Dems would resist a cure 'cause of over population and AGW and such.
 
2014-01-17 12:38:23 PM  

mbillips: "There will undoubtedly be many years of extracting the relevant parts of the mole rats' genetic differences and then - the most difficult aspect - bringing those gene extracts into humans. Prof Avivi is to be congratulated on opening up an exciting new phase of research."

Great, so even if this pans out, I'll probably be dead from cancer before it's actually available as a treatment.


If that's not depressing enough, just realize that science will almost certainly discover the secret of immortality someday.  But not before you're dead.
 
2014-01-17 12:38:47 PM  

RedVentrue: I wonder what mole rat tastes like?


Ask him.

i279.photobucket.com
 
2014-01-17 12:39:07 PM  

DarkSoulNoHope: Don't worry, Merck will get the patent and then this cancer cure will never see the light of day, except in small doses to "treat cancer".


Don't worry, the grandson and grand dog of the head of the board of directors will stumble upon this secret and expose it to his family, He will promise to go public with it, but won't....and his family will forgive this egregious act after a puff piece in Forbes.

/just as likely as your scenario
 
2014-01-17 12:39:23 PM  

Revenge of the Muttonstache: It's too bad Fartbongo invented cancer and used his time machine to go back in time to personally give individuals the disease as a way of trying to disprove the baby Jesus ever was born.


i1.kym-cdn.com
 
2014-01-17 12:39:40 PM  
This will either end in a zombie apocalypse or mole-rat-resistant supercancer.
 
2014-01-17 12:39:54 PM  

hardinparamedic: Something tells me this will actually be a mixture of:

[25.media.tumblr.com image 850x885]

And....

[www.phdcomics.com image 600x667]

Also, it's kind of shiatty that they're touting this as HOPE FOR CANCER PATIENTS TO BE AVAILABLE SOON(TM) when that soon means ten to thirty years, and that's if initial research proves to be promising.


I read the article. ALL this is, is, they knew Naked Mole rats don't get cancer. They FINALLY (why hasn't this been done before?) found that they can't purposefully give Naked Mole rats cancer with carcinogens either.  That's it. I repeat, "Why haven't they tried this before??"
 
2014-01-17 12:41:14 PM  
FTFA: ...integrate these genes into humans...

sites.psu.edu


Careful what you ask for...
 
2014-01-17 12:41:42 PM  

MindStalker: I read the article. ALL this is, is, they knew Naked Mole rats don't get cancer. They FINALLY (why hasn't this been done before?) found that they can't purposefully give Naked Mole rats cancer with carcinogens either. That's it. I repeat, "Why haven't they tried this before??"


farking PETA, that's why. Animals were put here for us to torture for our benefit and those assholes always get in the way.

If putting a hot poker through the eye of a whale might find a better treatment, then I say fire up the acetylene torch.
 
2014-01-17 12:41:47 PM  

DarkSoulNoHope: RedVentrue: I wonder what mole rat tastes like?

Ask him.

[i279.photobucket.com image 720x330]


fark Sandra Bullock was hot in that movie.   Pre greasy biker douchebag, that is.
 
2014-01-17 12:42:01 PM  

DarkSoulNoHope: Don't worry, Merck will get the patent and then this cancer cure will never see the light of day, except in small doses to "treat cancer".


Oh christ this bit of conspiracy again.

NO. God, I know it's hip to be cynical and pretend to be 'smart', but these conspiracies are *insanely stupid* if you look at them critically, or know anything at all about cancer.

Because A) The researcher, Every grad student under the researcher, and everyone he worked with WOULD KNOW HOW TO DO IT.

B) BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE IDIOTIC ON MERCK'S PART. If you come up with a cancer cure, you have A LICENSE TO PRINT MONEY. Cancer is not farking smallpox. If we 'cure' everyone in the world who currently has cancer, that will not eliminate cancer for the rest of time, because cancer is some cells in your body going NUCKING FUTS (often in different ways, which is why treatment for cancer A may not work on cancer B, because they are *DIFFERENT).

So if we cure everyone with cancer, PEOPLE WILL STILL GET CANCER. Probably until we manage to develop targetable retrovirals. Thus, any cancer cure would be a license to print money until the patent ran out. Getting the patent, then squirreling it away would be the HEIGHT of idiocy-you'd keep it away from the world for 30 years, then people would get to make generics of it, instead of, you know, *making obscene profit* during the time that you could.

TL:DR your conspiracy theory is bad and you should feel bad.
*Zoidberg.jpg*
 
2014-01-17 12:42:25 PM  

DarkSoulNoHope: Don't worry, Merck will get the patent and then this cancer cure will never see the light of day, except in small doses to "treat cancer".


I disagree.  I hear this conspiracy theory often but it doesn't make sense.  If the premise is that treating cancer is so much more lucrative than curing it that the pharmaceutical companies are actively against cures for cancer then it makes much more sense for them to release the drug in such a way that you don't get ill but need to take the medication for the rest of your life.  Also if anybody thinks that an honest to god cure for cancer could be kept quiet they are kidding themselves.
 
2014-01-17 12:44:00 PM  

factoryconnection: In addition to the above, I went to the BMC Biology Journal and this article isn't on their homepage as a featured item.  Fairly certain this would be trending.

That being said: I want to believe.


This wouldn't be in BMC Biology if the research meant anywhere near what this article claims it does.  It would be in Science/Nature.
 
2014-01-17 12:44:15 PM  
bullshiat.
we'll cure poverty before we cure cancer

/never
 
d23 [TotalFark]
2014-01-17 12:44:28 PM  
eli lilly patents it and kills it...
 
2014-01-17 12:44:31 PM  
How To Cure Cancer

Gently excise and remove one fresh five to ten pound tumor

Soak tumor in brine of water salt and nitrates for twenty four hours

Remove brined tumor and slow-smoke over your hardwood of choice for another twenty four hours, applewood is nice

Thinly slice cured cancer and serve to those that said you had two weeks left to live

Slaw or mac and cheese make for nice cured cancer sides
 
2014-01-17 12:46:06 PM  

brap: How To Cure Cancer

Gently excise and remove one fresh five to ten pound tumor

Soak tumor in brine of water salt and nitrates for twenty four hours

Remove brined tumor and slow-smoke over your hardwood of choice for another twenty four hours, applewood is nice

Thinly slice cured cancer and serve to those that said you had two weeks left to live

Slaw or mac and cheese make for nice cured cancer sides


Can we have it served Kansas City style at least? Not really a fan of the vinegar sauces of the Carolinas.
 
2014-01-17 12:46:36 PM  

MindStalker: I read the article. ALL this is, is, they knew Naked Mole rats don't get cancer. They FINALLY (why hasn't this been done before?) found that they can't purposefully give Naked Mole rats cancer with carcinogens either. That's it. I repeat, "Why haven't they tried this before??"


Well, this journal article is useless, you should have read the scientific article.
 
2014-01-17 12:46:57 PM  
Last time they cured cancer bad, bad things happened.

1.bp.blogspot.com
 
2014-01-17 12:46:57 PM  

hardinparamedic: Also, it's kind of shiatty that they're touting this as HOPE FOR CANCER PATIENTS TO BE AVAILABLE SOON(TM) when that soon means ten to thirty years, and that's if initial research proves to be promising.


Yeah, what kind of monster gives hope to cancer patients....?
 
2014-01-17 12:47:11 PM  

DarkSoulNoHope: Don't worry, Merck will get the patent and then this cancer cure will never see the light of day, except in small doses to "treat cancer".


d23: eli lilly patents it and kills it...


Then GlaxoSmithKline patents a slightly different version, uses it to cure cancer, and gives the middle finger to Merck and Eli Lilly's shareholders.
 
2014-01-17 12:47:44 PM  
well, we're either going to get mole-enhanced humans, or human-enhanced moles.

I, for one, welcome our buck-teeth penis overlords.
 
2014-01-17 12:47:57 PM  
"Oliver Childs, of Cancer Research UK, added: "It's a long way off, but it will be interesting to see if further research can find a way to help prevent or treat cancer in humans."

Yeah, I guess we're done here.  Time to fire up a smoke and drink some benzene.
 
2014-01-17 12:48:10 PM  

Olympic Trolling Judge: This will either end in a zombie apocalypse or mole-rat-resistant supercancer.


whalethen.com
 
2014-01-17 12:49:10 PM  
A cure for cancer thread?  I usually see this sort of non-sense in reddit's "science" section (where cancer and AIDS are cured daily).
 
2014-01-17 12:49:17 PM  
www.explainxkcd.com
 
2014-01-17 12:49:26 PM  

AFKobel: hardinparamedic: Also, it's kind of shiatty that they're touting this as HOPE FOR CANCER PATIENTS TO BE AVAILABLE SOON(TM) when that soon means ten to thirty years, and that's if initial research proves to be promising.

Yeah, what kind of monster gives false hope to cancer patients....?


The jackass kind.
 
2014-01-17 12:49:31 PM  

Felgraf: DarkSoulNoHope: Don't worry, Merck will get the patent and then this cancer cure will never see the light of day, except in small doses to "treat cancer".

Oh christ this bit of conspiracy again.

NO. God, I know it's hip to be cynical and pretend to be 'smart', but these conspiracies are *insanely stupid* if you look at them critically, or know anything at all about cancer.

Because A) The researcher, Every grad student under the researcher, and everyone he worked with WOULD KNOW HOW TO DO IT.

B) BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE IDIOTIC ON MERCK'S PART. If you come up with a cancer cure, you have A LICENSE TO PRINT MONEY. Cancer is not farking smallpox. If we 'cure' everyone in the world who currently has cancer, that will not eliminate cancer for the rest of time, because cancer is some cells in your body going NUCKING FUTS (often in different ways, which is why treatment for cancer A may not work on cancer B, because they are *DIFFERENT).

So if we cure everyone with cancer, PEOPLE WILL STILL GET CANCER. Probably until we manage to develop targetable retrovirals. Thus, any cancer cure would be a license to print money until the patent ran out. Getting the patent, then squirreling it away would be the HEIGHT of idiocy-you'd keep it away from the world for 30 years, then people would get to make generics of it, instead of, you know, *making obscene profit* during the time that you could.

TL:DR your conspiracy theory is bad and you should feel bad.
*Zoidberg.jpg*


Explain the difference of these two things in relation to poor people who have cancer.
 
2014-01-17 12:49:56 PM  

xiola: DarkSoulNoHope: RedVentrue: I wonder what mole rat tastes like?

Ask him.

[i279.photobucket.com image 720x330]

fark Sandra Bullock was hot in that movie.   Pre greasy biker douchebag, that is.


Sandra Bullock is the opposite of hot. She's very pretty, but in a really boring, suburban-mommy kind of way.
 
2014-01-17 12:50:20 PM  
img.fark.net
 
Displayed 50 of 140 comments

First | « | 1 | 2 | 3 | » | Last | Show all

View Voting Results: Smartest and Funniest


This thread is closed to new comments.

Continue Farking
Submit a Link »
Advertisement
On Twitter






In Other Media


  1. Links are submitted by members of the Fark community.

  2. When community members submit a link, they also write a custom headline for the story.

  3. Other Farkers comment on the links. This is the number of comments. Click here to read them.

  4. Click here to submit a link.

Report